GEE. THANKS. Vartan Gregorian, who was on the jury of the WTC Memorial Competition, uses that event as a springboard for a panegyric to New York City at OpinionJournal. It is hard to know why it is there, for while OJ's national politics are well-known, its journalistic politics are less comprehensible, at least to me. Gregorian was once President of the New York Public Library and seems like a decent, intelligent fellow. The Bushies like him, too, but nobody's wrong about everything.

Gregorian's comments, however, are less interesting than the OJ readers' responses to them. Some are gracious ("May New York City continue to reflect the glowing lamp of Lady Liberty"); others take a more combative tone. A couple of New Yorkers complain about the WTC plan Gregorian helped to affect. Russell Seitz of Cambridge, MA tweaks the former nabob of NYPL for closure of the Library's smoking rooms, which Seitz feels amounts "to a denial of public accommodation for the life of the mind."

A few, though, are really spooky-weird in a way that will be familiar to any who have heard conservatives discuss the City for any length of time. From Pensacola, FL, Joseph Revell takes a Falwellian tack:

One hopes that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob doesn't notice the "proud, self-confident city that cannot be bowed" headline that leads off this fine article. If He reads just the headline and skips the article He might decide New Yorkers need to be taught a lesson in humility. "Pray for the peace of Jerusalem"--and of New York City! We do, out here in the hinterland. New York City is our city too!

One gets the feeling Revell wants to claim New York as "our city, too" in exactly the same way abusive parents assert dominion over their children. L. Gregory of Georgetown, TX, is less threatening, but equally condescending:

New York is indeed a magical place, but it sometimes forgets its true roots are in the heart of America. One of the main reasons for its remarkable survival of 9/11 was the strength it drew from all the citizens in every corner of America. The terrorists didn't just attack New York, they attacked all of us. We all contributed to its recovery, one way or another, and New York needs to remember it didn't stand alone that day...

Hold it right there, Tex. Y'all "contributed to its recovery" how? By sliding back a small chunk of the money we daily pour into the Federal coffers? By talking a good game while cutting funding to our police and firefighters and anti-terrorism efforts? If we "forget" our "true roots in the heart of America," it may be that you have made the memory unpleasant to us.

A lot of people think New Yorkers are arrogant and standoffish. The above examples may help explain why we seem so.

SHOW UP AT SHEA. Went this evening to a Met twi-night double against the Braves, arriving in the seventh inning of game one. Attendance seemed much lower than the reported 21,476 (Shea can hold 55,601); the patrons were gathered in clusters all around the ballpark, responding only weakly to all but the most spectacular events (e.g., the firing of Pepsi T-shirts into the stands). The couple behind me did their own feeble "Let's Go Mets" hand-clap at odd intervals, as if by force of habit; in front of me a couple encouraged their three young children in coordinated cheers, which they delivered with shrill glee, unmindful of the lack of spirit amongst the grown-ups in their section. Some drunk young men were occasionally inspired to bellow ("YUH DON'T BELONG IN THE BIG LEAGUES!"); many serenaded Chipper Jones with his less all-American Christian name; all booed Jae Seo lustily in game two. He seo sucked. He let in five runs and walked the Braves' pitcher. He intentionally walked "Lar-ry" Jones and then gave up a two-run double. All this despite the frenzied thunderstick encouragement of a bunch of Koreans gathered behind a "KING OF THE MOUND" banner in the right field mezzanine.

They've lost 11 of their last 13 games. You live with the Mets long enough and you get used to it. You may complain; the ticket buys you the privilege. (In the Post, a lovely photo recently appeared of two upper deck fans, one with a bag over his head, the other holding triumphantly aloft a sign that read, YA GOTTA BELIEVE -- WE STINK!) In the last days of such seasons, Shea is a desolate and miserable place. We still show up at Shea, though, because this is our team. There are worse qualities than loyalty, and ineptitude isn't one of them. Yankee fans flash their rings; Mets fans regard the fabled '69, '73, and '86 seasons almost as defeated races regard sacred myths, as bulwarks against despair, something to keep our souls alive from September swoon to glorious April, when again anything will be possible. We're kind of Irish. We gather in this grim council flat of a ballpark, with its hideous neon ornaments and aluminum siding and concrete ramps bounded by piano wire, and despite the bloodshed unfolding before us dream that Cuchulain and Michael Collins may someday hoof the mound.

Can't anyone here play this game? Wait'll next year! Ya gotta believe.

POMO POLITICS. The Ole Perfesser lays out for his acolytes the latest conservatarian dodge on gay marriage, comprising hundreds of poorly-chosen words reducible to, "I don't really give a shit, so why should you?"

There are many thrills and chills along the way (including approving quotation of a reader who blames the failure of the gay marriage movement to -- get this -- Roe v. Wade), but the fascinatingly deformed heart of the argument is: gay marriage is the wave of the future (a "generational thing"), but the Republicans are going to run everything forever and you better be nice to them if you ever want any of these rights you've been bellyaching about, generation landslide or not:

...attacking Bush on gay marriage may solidify the Democratic base, but it probably costs swing voters, at least in the short term. Second, that sort of thing can only serve to alienate Republicans, even those who are supportive, or at least not opposed to, gay marriage. [who they? -- RE] Given that right now it seems likely that we'll see a Republican Congress, and probably a Republican White House, in the coming years, that's probably poor planning, at least if you want actual change and not just an interest-group rallying cry...

It's possible to package gay marriage as a move toward traditional values and away from 1970s style hedonism (not that there's anything wrong with that). But again, you have to make the case, not call names, if you want to win people over.

Offensive as the politics of Reynolds and his crew are, it's this postmodern approach to issues that's most disturbing. You want gay marriage? Wait for it; it'll turn up, eventually, if it was meant to be. And don't get on my case if I support its professed opponents, because that's just name-calling.

Actually post-modern is probably the wrong word for it. Reynolds' POV was popular in his neck of the woods 150 years ago, when it was applied to the manumission of slaves.

ALTERNATE EXPLANATIONS FOR NORTH KOREA'S NON-NUCLEAR MUSHROOM CLOUD:

• Smoke from barbecue of 100,000 chickens, held in honor of Dear Leader.
  
• Even Dear Leader's farts are impressive, observable from outer space!
  
• Exhaust from Jajus backed up on Dear Leader Expressway during massive Dear Leader Day holiday weekend traffic jam.
  
• Slave labor camp smoke-break, synchronized nationwide -- a testament to Dear Leader's organizational skills.
  
• Massive cloud-sculpture representing nuclear explosion is gift to Dear Leader from the thriving downtown Pyongyang arts community.

If none of these pan out, it was nice knowing you guys.

PINHEAD. Finally saw the Ramones doc, End of the Century. It isn't so much artful as artifactual. It owes a lot to the "oral biography" form George Plimpton invented with Edie (and bears more than a historical resemblance to the punk chronicle Please Kill Me). This technique absents the filmmakers from the responsibility of a POV; they just dump a lot of clips, interviews, and supers on the table, and leave us to savor whichever juicy bits we prefer.

There are a lot of juicy bits, though, and even the fellow among us who was more or less unacquainted with the band enjoyed it. Of course, if you love the Ramones, the juice is more bittersweet.

I already knew a lot of their history, and I knew something, too, about punk aesthetics and the rigors of rock life. But the movie added details that made that -- all of that -- a bit clearer to me.

For example, I'd heard Johnny was the taskmaster of the band, but I didn't realize how completely he was devoted to his Will to Power: how everything about his life -- from the musical discipline to his own personal behavior -- was given over to a maniacal vision of domination. (I thought they were kidding with the Nuremberg theatrics of their big shows, but now I'm not so sure -- at least in his case.) And I came to believe something I'd always known by instinct: that a band pretty much needs an asshole who's always cracking heads and barking out the master plan; otherwise, as Johnny put it, "everybody just flounders around."

It also seems that Johnny's genius (I really think that's the word) at directing his bandmates' gifts and energies into a beautiful rock machine was also a personal catastrophe for everyone involved. Legs McNeil says in the film that Joey had to become a rock star because the poor, gawky, pathologically introverted guy "would have stood out anyway." Maybe. And maybe Dee Dee was better off playing bass than sniffing Carbona and boosting cars. (He might have OD'd sooner, too.) But our gain -- their magnificent albums and shows -- sure looks like their loss in the movie.

If you've been in a band for more than a little while (five years was my longest sentence) you know what the wear and tear can be like. If you're not completely empty-headed (and a lot of people do get through on that; we are talking about musicians, after all), interpersonal relationships tend to devolve into Eugene O'Neill territory very quickly. After a few years of working in an office with a guy, you will probably have learned almost nothing real about him. But if you tour a couple of times with the same guy, you will know more about him than his mother does. Factor in the painful sensitivity of creative people, and drugs and alcohol, and women, and financial hassles, and you get the House of Atreus plus hearing loss.

So watching Dee Dee gabble was very entertaining, and Joey's presence is always sweet, and it was a pleasure to hear inside dope from Tommy and Marky and all the affiliates, but Jesus Christ, I half-think it would have been worth losing Rocket to Russia if these guys could have become sheet-metal workers and obtained houses in Queens and maybe 401Ks and raised dull children and gotten together at holiday picnics and laughed about the dreams they'd once had of forming a great band. And Rocket to Russia is one of my favorite things on earth.

Because they all seemed fucking miserable. The moment when Johnny is asked if he cared when Joey died and he stammers behind huge violet shades, "Maybe, because of some weakness in myself… Maybe, because he was part of the Ramones, and the Ramones was something I loved… if someone threw something at him, I would go after the guy…" is about as depressing as it gets.

That doesn't mean I can’t enjoy their music any more. I, too, am a pinhead. I pissed away all my chances at normalcy and it is far, far too late to get them back, and the bushels of words and music I pour into the resulting hole have their charms, but they don't come close to filling it. Nonetheless, I still have enough soul left to wish better than that for others.

OH SHUT UP PROFESSOR."Powerline notes that the Kerry campaign is playing the Creedence Clearwater song Fortunate Son, as a subtle dig at George W. Bush's National Guard service... It's a great song. But, of course, the song was written by John Fogerty, who served stateside in the Reserves... Does the Kerry Campaign think that John Fogerty betrayed his country by not serving in Vietnam?"

See, that Kerry is such a flip-flopper he plays music by guys who didn't go to Vietnam.

When they ran out of rocks to throw, they threw pebbles, and when they ran out of pebbles they threw dirt, and when they ran out of dirt -- well, they'll never run out of dirt.

I JUST THOUGHT THIS NEEDED A LITTLE WIDER DISSEMINATION:



Used without permission, but I think Atrios will understand. Attaturk, a newly-established typewriter expert, has more.

Can't tell where this claim that embarrassing Bush documents are forgeries will end up, but it sure is interesting how fast it got into print via the Old New Media network (John Podhoretz -- yeah, that figures), and how the story has now changed from (unsubstantiated) These are obvious forgeries if you know how to look at 'em to (substantiated) Hey, Ma, we're in the papers!

As Attaturk also pointed out, "Amazing how the Freepers are able to get this Forgery Spin into the Media in less than 24 hours, yet it took them 3 Fucking Weeks to beat down the Swift Boat Smearers with a boatload of written documentation contradicting them."

Capitalization aside, I get where he's coming from. Forget the old saw that ends with "...before Truth gets its boots on." I suspect Truth is still in bed, or in its grave, as liars run rampant, screaming and ringing hand-bells as hard as they can.

PERSPECTIVE. I see someone's doing something about the Sudan:

A draft resolution introduced by the United States to step up pressure on Sudan over the crisis in Darfur met strong opposition at the United Nations Security Council on Thursday.

The 15-nation council was divided over the US proposal, with Pakistan, Algeria and Russia voicing objections to it and European Union countries such as Britain and Germany throwing weight behind it, council diplomats said.

One could expect that sort of opposition from our soulful-eyed sometimes-ally Russia and our erstwhile buttboys in Pakistan (they get a lot of oil from Pakistan), but support from Germany! Who'd-a thunk it? Aren't they our enemies again? I mean they backed our invasion of Afghanistan, but didn't their lack of cooperation in Iraq put them into what the great minds among us call the Axis of Weasels?

And whither their partner-in-crime France? "Chile, Benin, Romania, France and Spain made positive comments," reports Reuters. "However they said France also questioned the need for sanctions threats at this time." Close, but no Chardonnay. Never fear, another round of funny nicknames will bring them around.

For those who joined us late, the United Nations is a deliberative body prone to the same sort of Byzantine political reversals as the U.S. Congress, where members of the famously pecunious Republican Party regularly vote to balloon our deficits.

In such situations, if you don't you work with the members, they don't work with you.

If this is unimportant, why are we even in the U.N.? Swing votes? Or do we really not take this genocide very seriously? (Hint: our lead dog in the operation is the long-invisible Colin Powell.)

Bonus question: Can we afford an invasion?

WELL, AT LEAST THE MAYOR'S WHITE. The heavy precipitation in our area today caused several subway lines to be delayed and one line, the M, was knocked out of service.

I'm showing my age with this, but I remember when the subway ran normally even during rainstorms. And now the MTA wants to raise fares.

You realize, of course, if Sharpton were mayor the City Journal would now be decrying our descent into chaos.

I LOVE A PARADE. Yesterday's West Indian American Day Parade in Crown Heights -- huge crowds, hopping music, booming soundtrucks, jerk chicken and pigeon peas, many happy people waving many flags (reflecting the hyphenated divisiveness with which I hope to destroy this country!), and, best of all, sturdy girls in skimpy costumes -- put me in such a persistent good mood that nonsense like this --

I said elsewhere that Democrats don't care about foreigners, and indeed this does seem to be the case: the party that prides itself most upon inclusiveness seems curiously indifferent to the fates of strange peoples in faraway countries of which they know nothing.

-- still seems to be happening on another planet.

GALLEONS OF SPAIN OFF JERSEY COAST. Tbogg has fingered a few recent examples of the "You can't fact-check an anecdote" genre, whereby National Review writers say Mister, I met a man once and proceed to recount some flattering tale about their own kind. The variants cited by Tbogg involve "reader mail" -- a perfect double-blind for this sort of operation: not only do you get an extra layer of protection against detection, you also get to frostily inform challengers that, while the identity of your correspondent cannot be revealed, you can personally vouch for his authenticity and veracity, and all the proof any man should need is the word of a paid political operative. Then, as your challengers sputter in outrage, you run off to audition a new Swift Boat Veteran for Truth or something.

Well, two can play at that game! Here is a letter from a Very Trustworthy Person whose name is none of your business, forwarded to me by an equally unimpeachable source, who found it in a hollow log to which he was directed by God Himself:

I am continually amazed at the level of quiet support for Kerry here in Fritters, Alabama. Though some few of our citizens regularly drag his flaming effigy along the dirt track we call Main Street, among the mobs that turn out to watch these spectacles I see many who are not literally flaming from the eyes with hatred, and even some that decline to hurl their own feces at the effigy. These fine men and women I'm sure will support our candidate in November.

Just the other day I spoke to a schoolteacher, who told me, "During the Convention I was beaten, spit on, and gang-raped by Republicans for teaching evolution. Though I have always voted for Republicans in the past, I shall mark my ballot this year for John Kerry." I smell a landslide.

I have many old but equally authentic letters that can also be used in a pinch.

LOOK OUT LIARS AND YOU HIGHLIFE SCUM.... In the New York Post, Ryan Sager, echoed by Republican operative Perfesser Reynolds, pretends to misapprehend last week's New York protest against Fox News:

It's enlightening to see just what the hard left's message is in this election. In two words: "Shut up"...

There, the crowd of protesters — many of the same people who have cried foul every time they've been denied a permit or asked not to lie down in the middle of an intersection — chanted this free-speech mantra at a news organization:

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

I moved through the crowd asking protesters to reconcile their demand to be heard with their demand that people who disagree with them shut up...

Later -- much too far down for the topic-sentence readers who get their news from the Post to see it -- Sager affects to learn "that the shut-up chant was meant to mimic how Fox News host Bill O'Reilly treats his guests."

No Sherlock, shithead. I attended this protest and the idea was clear as glass to anyone of normal intelligence -- presumably including Sager -- who observed it.

(It was a fun little protest, BTW, which drew cheers from midtown gawkers, especially when the cheerleaders danced and the Bush-effigy truck came around.)

You'd think by now I'd be more phlegmatic when these guys flat-out lie to advance their agenda. It does bring up my phlegm, but not in the way Ben Jonson intended.

THE INFORMATION. Michael Ledeen, normally involved in expanding our military adventures to new countries, has turned to media criticism. He thinks Zell Miller at the RNC went over a treat, and that this reflects a change in the state of the media:

[Marshall McLuhan] stressed that tv was "cool," and that "hot" personalities would do badly on it...

But I think that era is over now. First of all, because of the net, which has diversified our sources of information so dramatically. We no longer need the networks or the various Post's and Times's. We can just log on. And secondly, tv has gotten a lot hotter. Probably a lot of that is due to MTV and other such, but in any case the screen is now a much less antiseptic thing than it was a generation ago. People now argue and fight on tv, the decibels are higher, and the broadcasters are changing their style. They are competing for audience rather than monopolizing it. And so they change.

We may argue whether the content of television programming is generally "less antiseptic" now than it was in the days of Playhouse 90. But it is observably true that televised political discourse is significantly more jacked-up now. I just saw a promo for Hardball prominently featuring the ravings of Miller on that show. You certainly didn't get that in the days of Lawrence Spivak.

One night reasonably ask whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. Certainly Ledeen thinks it's good:

I suspect that when the cultural history of this period is written, the two big names will be Rush and Drudge, both of whom dramatically undercut the power of the Old Media, and gave the American people something they desperately wanted: the information that the Old Media monopolists didn't want to reach us.

Leaving aside the gruesome idea that the "cultural" achievements of our era will be exemplified by Matt Drudge, is it true that the Old Media filtered information?

Of course it is, in a way. No one with a Huntley-Brinkley sized public megaphone amplified the infidelities of, to name one example, Martin Luther King -- certainly not with the heavy funding, political acumen, and persistence of such efforts today. Had there then been a vibrant talk radio and screaming-head TV circuit, equivalent in reach and temperment to our own, we might have had television ads from the White Citizens Councils for Truth testifying to King's failings. These folks might eventually have wound up on Meet the Press and, sticking to their talking points, brushed aside all egghead talk of racial equality by asserting that no one of such dubious character -- one who had flourished his credentials as a clergyman, no less -- deserved a hearing from the American people.

Or imagine a similarly powerful popular movement, enabled by citizen's band or ham radio, operating at the time of the Watergate Hearings. The prior racial insensitivies of Sam Ervin might have been bigger news than the malefactions of the Plumbers, and a rowdy group of Republican operatives crying "Shut It Down!" outside Ervin's committee room might have helped direct the tide of events a different way.

And if a fellow like Rupert Murdoch were able to obtain a network like Fox ten, twenty, or thirty years earlier than Murdoch himself did, all sorts of scenaria are enabled. At the very least, our diplomatic relations with China would have been accelerated.

We could discuss for a good long while the extent to which "Old Media monopolists" deprived us of "information" (which is not always, I hasten to add, a synonym for truth), but our findings would not be of much use. That genie is out and its bottle is broken. Ledeen has a point. The temperature is rising. We will see soon enough whether this results in incubation or incineration.

SKILLS. I teach English on Saturdays. I think I'll print some of these out to instruct my more advanced students on the proper use of similes:

The Bush twins came out and embraced their dad, but it was an affectionless embrace, like those brief pats the American girl gymnasts gave each other after a routine...

But a volcano is stationary, like Dennis Hastert after a big lunch.

Memo to Jim Lehrer: Take naps on those days when you have to stay up late. There's no excuse for doddering from question to question like someone sitting in front of Floyd's barber shop.

Years ago, I read an account of a brief players' strike by the Detroit Tigers, which had obliged management to field a pick-up squad for a few games. Some contemporary sportswriter said the new outfielders' approach to fly balls was "like kittens going after bees." That scribe's name is lost to history, but James Wolcott is now posting regularly, and, as of today, on our blogroll.

GOODBYE TO ALL THAT. When I stepped out of work this evening, what a wonderful feeling of calm I got from Times Square. That may sound strange if you weren't around for the RNC. Even a dozen blocks up from the Garden, we had thousands of extra cops hanging around this week, and even if you like cops that's an eerie thing, especially with the flight of many citizens during the Convention further disturbing the usual police-civilian balance. The protest-related tensions made things weirder still. Customary disturbances like the tree-lighting at Rockefeller Center are one thing, but five days of virtual occupation are something else again. Now it's over, the barricades are coming down, and it feels like our New York again.

Matthew Yglesias admits that the Convention made him a little nuts*. I could say the same for myself. I normally enjoy visitors, and it was depressing to harbor a resentment toward so many of them, even if they are Republicans. (I don't hate Republicans, I just like it a lot better when they're not around.)

Well, they're gone now, and Labor Day weekend is upon us. Back to the usual tolerable tension levels.

*UPDATE. Here's a more eloquent account of RNC blues by Alex at Broken Type. (I don't think he's quite over it yet, though.) Thanks for the tip, Margaret.

MORE REASONS TO HATE OUR RECENTLY-EXPELLED OCCUPIERS. Reason #356: Even the Republican ass-sucking New York Post had to admit that the delegates were tight with a buck -- especially when it came to tipping.

This is of course the traditional difference between New Yorkers and outlanders on that subject; we figure, "If I can't afford to tip, I can't afford the restaurant"; they figure, "Ah spent too much on this here meal to give anything to that funny-boy what brung me mah food."

UPDATE. OK, that was unfair. Maybe RNC delegates are lousy tippers, but that doesn't apply to everyone from outside the zone. I worked in New York restaurants for a number of years, and old generalizations die hard. If you want to know who really doesn't tip, go here.

DOOR. ASS. FIGURE IT OUT. From the excellent if erratic Matt Yglesias, among the Republicans:

Overheard in a hotel lobby: "I get the feeling these New Yorker liverals just don't understand how 9-11 changed things. It's like they don't even remember it." (No, fuck you).

Could you hicks maybe catch an earlier flight out of town? Pretty fuck you please?

HOLY SHIT. I've given the Big Stiff a hard time in the past, but check him out now:

For the past week, they attacked my patriotism and even my fitness to serve as Commander in Chief. Well, here is my answer to them: I will not have my commitment to defend this country questioned by those who refused to serve when they could have and who misled the nation into Iraq... The Vice President even called me unfit for office last night. Well, I'm going to leave it up to the voters to decide whether five deferments makes someone more qualified than two tours of combat duty... Let me tell you in no uncertain terms what makes someone unfit for office and unfit for duty. Misleading our nation into war in Iraq makes you unfit for duty. Doing nothing while this nation loses millions of jobs makes you unfit to lead this nation. Letting 45 million Americans go without health care for four years makes you unfit to lead this country. Letting the Saudi royal family control the price of oil for Americans makes you unfit to lead this country.

Give 'em Hell, Kerry.

BUSH SPEECH REVEALS THE KINDA SWEET THING ABOUT LILEKS:

Okay, part two is different. I kept thinking: 1943. Between the dark beginning and the first cracks of light. 1943.

Have you bowled? Then you know the guys who try to win by throwing the ball as hard as possible. They get bedposts. You want a strike, you roll it down the middle and curve off left or right at the last minute. Most of the pins go down. A few wobble, and look like they’ll remain standing. Then they fall, too.

“He said United States!” Gnat said while watching the speech. “We have that puzzle!” That we do, child. That we do.

The kinda sweet thing about Lileks is: for all his cultural references, he has yet to realize what self-parody is.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE. Scumbag ex-Mayor Giuliani is on the Letterman show, saying, between self-referential remarks, that the job he's most interested in now is "Manager of the New York Yankees."

Let us try to imagine it:

In the absence of a cabaret license, Manager Rudolf Giuliani bans "The Wave" from Yankee Stadium. Fans who attempt to start up the longtime ballpark favorite, and even those who merely wiggle in their seats, are arrested and quickly taken to holding facilities on Arthur Avenue. "It should have been done a long time ago," says boss George Steinbrenner.

Manager Giuliani orders fans not to allow their cheers to rise above 140 decibels. Waves of arrests follow. "A cruel man, but fair," says boss George Steinbrenner.

Manager Giuliani orders the arrest of hundreds of fans for flouting the Open Container Law. "Bad enough a beer costs eight bucks," says one spectator as he is beaten by police, "but this?" "Heads will be broken," says boss George Steinbrenner, "but if that's what it takes to win a pennant, okay."

With the Yankees trailing badly in the American League East, Manager Giuliani exercises his plenipotentiary powers to arrest Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez for pitching inside. "This is why we brought Giuliani to Yankee Stadium," says boss George Steinbrenner.

Manager Giuliani institutes Cheney Night at Yankee Stadium for a Yankees-Indians twi-night doubleheader. Ticketholders are required to sign a loyalty oath before entering the Stadium. "The man knows what he's doing," says boss George Steinbrenner. "Have you forgotten September 11?"

To couteract declining attendance at Yankee Stadium, Manager Giuliani ships in Rikers Island inmates to fill empty seats. In the seventh inning of a 10-1 Red Sox rout, Giuliani pulls Daryl Strawberry from the stands to pinch-hit. After Strawberry hits into a double play, Giuliani pleads with a judge to add five years to his sentence. "I loved that Strawberry kid," says a tearful boss George Steinbrenner afterwards. "But justice is justice."

Manager Giuliani has cost the Yankees over $100 million in legal fees and settlements in a single season of overturned arrests and resulting punitive damages. "Maybe I was wrong about Giuliani," says boss George Steinbrenner. "Maybe it's time to exhume the corpse of Billy Martin and strap it to the back of Sweet Lou Pinella."

Manager Giuliani announces that he is leading a team of Federal prosecutors looking into corruption charges against boss George Steinbrenner. "Nobody fucks with Rudy Giuliani," says the Manager, warning reporters that this is off the record.

PREZNIT SPEAKS. Well, it's 9/11 from the get-go. "A shaken economy rose to its feet.." Well, it's early yet.

"Americans have been given hills to climbs and found the strength to climb them... We will build a safer world... and nothing will hold us back." See, it's positive. Props to Cheney: "Calm and steady judgement.." Yeah, well, if he didn't keep it "calm and steady" his heart would pop out of his chest. "We love our First Lady.... two spirited and intelligent and lovely young women... sister and brothers... George and Barbara Bush..." Just like the Adamses.

"Federal education reform... nothing will hold us back." You don't have to help your kids learn, we'll learn 'em for you. "Honor America's seniors... Medicare... perscription drug coverage... nothing will hold us back." How about bankruptcy? "Largest tax relief in a generation... nothing will hold us back." Hey, where's my wallet? "Protect the American people... drift... will not happen on my watch." As opposed to the methodically planned-out course we're on now. "Build a safer world... compassionate conservative... steady, consistent, principled leadership..." Great! When do you start?

"Story of America is the story of American Liberty... reach further and include more... extend the frontiers of freedom.." I saw 10,000 cops on my way home. When do we get some? "Workers of our parents' generation typically had one job... often with one company... today workers change jobs, even careers, many times..." Yuh don't say. "Great opportunity..." If you say so. "Government must take your side." Please do! "Worker training... created for the world of yesterday... make your own choices..." If you have a choice. "A growing economy... global market... new competition... America must be the best place in the world to do business..." Hire this American worker! He's cheap! "Reducing regulation..." And he's gonna get even cheaper!

"Less dependent on foreign sources of foreign sources of energy..." Ha ha ha. "Explosion of frivolous lawsuits..." Got your guts sucked out by a pool pump? You get one dollar. "Bipartisan effort to reform and simplify the Federal Tax Code..." Wait, you mean there'll still be Democrats? "Job training... increase funding for our community colleges..." My wallet! "Compete with anyone, anywhere in the world..." Even Bangalore!

"Poor communities... lost manufacturing... American Opportunity Zones..." So it's an emergency? "Worried they cannot afford health care... uninsured... small companies.. purchase at the discounts available to big companies..." Buy in bulk, save even more. "Tax credit... health savings accounts... low-income Americans... security of insurance... tax-free... take your account with you..." Like COBRA -- which helped drive me into penury! "Insure every poor county in America... rural health center..." Wahl, hoss, you's sick, and you's fucked! Take this heah aspirin. "High cost of lawsuits... must pass Medical Liability reform now..." It's the lawyers' fault, see! Big Pharma is on your side, but John Edwards and his pool-suckin' lawsuits wants to fuck you over!

"Comp time and flex time... laws should never stand in the way of a more family-friendly workplace." Your wife will still have to work 60 hours a week. "Home ownership... all-time high... seven million affordable homes in the next ten years..." And seven decades of debt for each. "Ownership society..." Something to strive for! "Baby-boom generation... strengthen Social Secuirty... personal accounts... government can never take away..." Hey, the market dropped -- don't worry, government can never take away your remaining 11 dollars of coverage!

"More freedom and more control over your own life.." How Goldwater, not. "Your school will be the path to promise..." And we know what promises are worth. "Standards... results... local people are in charge of their schools..." Hey, sounds like Ocean Hill-Brownsville. "Record funding..." My wallet! Nice story about a poor, Hispanic school. "Soft bigotry of low expectations." See you kids in five years at the job center.

"Time of change... two years of college... one in four students gets there... early intervention... math and science..." But they can't spell! How -- "Vigorous exam... Pell Grants..." Oh. I get it -- money again. But my wallet's still missing.

"Lead an aggressive effort... government health insurance programs..." Please vote for us! We'll pay you! Not much, but -- "georgewbush.com" -- Does it have a bulletin board?

"Expanded opportunity... choice... my opponent..." Time for the "flipflop" thing. "Opposed... opposed..." The boos are coming up. "There are some things my opponent is for... federal spending... Senator from Massachusetts..." Why didn't he say 'Taxachusetts'? Missed a chance there! "Tax and spend, expanding government... politics of the past..." Where have I heard this before?

"Some things do not change... institutions... family commitment... welfare reform... that requires work..." You fucking bums, go starve. "Value its weakest members... unborn child..." Here's your red meat, hayseeds. "Religious charities... never discriminate against them..." Poor, persecuted Christians! "Man and woman... protection of marriage..." Gobble it up, hicks! "Continue to appoint Federal judges..." Yeah yeah.

"My opponent... if you say the heart and soul of America is found in Hollywood..." What the fuck? "Voted against the Federal Marriage Act... calling the Reagan Presidency eight years of moral darkness..." I see you Gomers need MORE RED MEAT! Heah be the shovels -- Feed! Feed!

"Continuing danger of terrorism..." Here we go. Convert text to Black Letter Gothic hereafter.

"September 11... ruins of the Twin Towers... workers and hard hats... 'Do not let me down'... wake up every morning... never relent... whatever it takes." My Pet Goat my ass motherfuckers! I'm the Big Dog now and you can shove your medals up your ass!

"Fought the terrorists... tripled funding... transforming... reforming... staying on the offensive... striking terrorism aborad..." And that's all the explanation you need.

"Pakistan... Afghanistan... Iraq... Al Qaeda...." Protestors on the floor. Let's wait for the ad lib. "Today the government of a free Afghanistan..." We gotta wait some more, I guess. "We have led, many have joined, and America and the world are safer... careful diplomacy... tough decisions... Iraq.." Tell us again, or for the first time. "September 11..." Ah, I see. "Confront threats to America before it is too late.... in Saddam Hussein we saw a threat..." More protestors? Jesus. "Including my opponent... voted to authorize... UN... leaders in the Middle East... a final chance... I faced the kind of decision that comes... must be prepared to make... Do I forget the lessons of September 11?" Well, what else is he going to give 'em? An explanation? "50 million people have been liberated... democracy is coming... intimidate people... Afghan.. 10 million citizens have registered to vote..." And their votes just might count! "Iraq... national elections... January..." There too!

"Free societies in the Middle East will be hopeful societies... free governments fight terrorists, and that helps us keep the peace." Better. "Move toward elections... then our troops will return home with the honor they have earned..." Which will be when? Date? Time? "Our troops... one Army specialist wrote home..." A letter from a serviceman is a poor substitute for a plan. "A superb job for America." Etc.

"... to all of them: you are involved in a struggle of historic proportion... people of Iraq no longer fear... the world is more just and will be more peaceful... our thanks... we will give you all the resources and all the tools and all the support you need for victory." Whatever, in this context, that might be.

"My opponent... $87 billion..." Time for the retard dance! "... 'before I voted against it'..." Haw haw. "...nothing complicated about supporting our troops in combat!" Boo yah! "Prime Mister Howard... Berlusconi... Blair..." Yay, good furriners! "MY opponent... 'coalition of the coerced and the bribed'..." He reads the list -- shorter than at the SOTU; it's a big night. "Deserve... not the scorn of a politician." See, when you edit him, he sounds more classy. "America will not forget." We'll send the Netherlands a bouquet. Not that that's a bribe!

"Seven Iraq men came to see me..." The one-handed guys -- a good choice. "A Prayer for God to bless America.... the hope for the oppressed..." Banking on our soft hearts for the underprivileged -- overseas, anyway. "Radical ideology of hate... kill the innocent... fighting freedom... all their cunning and cruelty... freedom is on the march.... wiser use of American strength is to promote freedom... example will send a message of hope... Palestinians... peace with our good friend Israel." See, Kerry forgot that bit. "Young women... their day of equality..." W is for women. "...dream of freedom... America will be more secure and the world more peaceful." Or maybe W is for wistful?

"There've always been doubters. In 1946... New York Times wrote this..." A comparison to the Iraq occupation. "Maybe that same person is around writing editorials." Ha ha. Fuckin' New York Slimes! Real patriots read thuh pennysaver an' maybe some books by Tom Clancy! "Because that generation of Americans..." The Greatest Generation, we need not add. "...safer world today." See, Iraq is just like WWII. Only you need jokes to prove it.

"Settlers on perilous journey... colonies to rebellion... aid the rise of Germany, Japan... noble story goes on... lead the cause of freedom... millions in the Middle East plead in silence for freedom... freedom is not America's gift to the world, it is the Almighty's gift..." Very pretty. If only you could believe the guy.

"Seize this moment and used it to build... future secuirty... depend on us... stand with me." Well, who else? That flipflop guy? This'n will keep queers from marryin' each other!

"Last four years you and I have come to know each other... you know what I believe... I have a few flaws... correct my English... Schwarzenegger..." Haw. "A certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.'" First good joke of the night. "A little too blunt..." It ain't braggin' if you pretend it's self-deprecation!

"Tried to comfort Americans who lost the most on September 11... learned firsthand that ordering Americans into battle... returned the salute of soldiers... held the children... met with parents and wives and husbands who have received a folded flag... how can people so burdened with sorrow also feel such pride?... liberty was precious to the one they lost." Not bad. Peggy write it? "Three miles from here... lifted a flag over the ruins... for as long as our country stands... resurrection of New York City... here a nation rose."

This, of course, is why they came to New York: to soak up the blood and feed on it.

"Our military... veterans... young people... heroes... workers and entrepreneurs... optimism... having come this far, our tested and confident nation can achieve anything.... to everything we know, there is a season... now we have reached the time for hope." I know what I'm hoping for.

"Safer world... liberty at home... a calling from beyond the stars..." In a galaxy far, far away, Luke Skywalker battles heavy-breathing military man, but prevails because he has the Force and the wisdom of a gnome called Rova.

"Grateful for our freedom... confident... may God bless etc. etc."

Somewhere David Brooks is kissing his ass. Thanks be to God it's over, and please leave our City as soon as possible.

BULLHORN, BASEBALL, AND BULLSHIT. George Pataki is giving 9/11 thanks to Bush, America, et alia on behalf of New York -- New York State, that is. This is like what Pataki does in the "I Love New York" campaign -- tell the country that, sure, the City's nice, but Poughkeepsie, Peeksill (where he's from), and Podunk (yes, we do have a Podunk) are every bit as important. Piggybacking, cultural and economic, is his stock in trade.

The "flip-flop" chant seems to energize this crowd, as the Tomahawk Chop energizes Braves fans, and seems already to be every bit as tiresome.

Another fake New Yorker, Fred Thompson, narrates a Bush film: "What do a bullhorn and a baseball have in common?" Let's puzzle over this mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma a while as we wait for The Leader to speak...

AROUND TOWN. After a long day at work I went over to see how the protests were going. The City wasn't making it easy to reach the intake point of the ANSWER march at 31st and 8th. I went down 8th Avenue to 34th, where I was blocked; cut down 9th, and found no access at 31st. On to 10th Avenue. People carrying signs, looking around. People on cell phones: "They're making us walk down. Probably to 23rd Street." Guys lounging in front of the Verizon building. One yelled, "If y'all stood up in 2000, you coulda got ridda the motherfucker then." Tons of cops, cop cars, cop bikes, cop motorbikes, cop scooters, cop trucks, and undercover cops (and something I'd never seen -- an AMTRAK police van).

Finally at 10th and 26th Street I got to turn with a bunch of people with signs ("You on strike?" asked some neighborhood kids) onto 8th, where I could see about 300 protestors massed five blocks uptown, hooting and waving signs and listening to a recording of "War (What Is It Good For)," and a huge maze of police gates lining and clogging the streets behind them. It looked like a trap.

Next stop Union Square. Most of the police were massed on surrounding blocks; the 50 or 60 cops on the scene were hanging loose. It reminded me of a cross between the old Avenue C thieves' market and the old Tompkins Square. The south end was mobbed -- at least as many bodies as I saw uptown, in a much smaller space -- mostly with youngsters, chatting and chanting, surrounded by merch tables with anti-Bush stickers and T-shirts (a simple Bush-face-with-"no"-logo was the most popular item; others employed swastikas to make their point). Near a little carpet of abandoned signs ("I am marching for my grandmother and she is PISSED"), a fellow sitting in a lawn chair held a sign commemorating Jesus A. Suarez del Solar, killed in Iraq. The man said Jesus was his son, and he was there waiting for Bush to tell him when the troops were coming home.

On the other side of 14th Street, hundreds of people were milling, eyes on the Square, waiting to see what came next. One guy was practicing break-dance moves on the sidewalk.

A little further north on the Square people lounged at picnic tables, and strolled under the trees. A boy and girl in ratty denims sat cross-legged and very close together on the pavement against a low wall, out of the light, talking softly. All around, bars and restaurants did a brisk trade, and streams of passers-by headed home from work.

SHORTER TACITUS: Why do these New Yorkers insist on reciprocating my obvious contempt?

CHENEY SPEAKS. I guess you have to be a Republican to get anything out of this. I keep waiting for the Powerpoint presentation. Wasn't he livelier four years ago? Maybe the teleprompter has a warning light hooked up by WiFi to his pacemaker, and Dick's trying not to hit the red.

I'm outta here. Let me know if he has a stroke or something.

CRANKY AS ZELL. Since when is Abe Simpson a Demmycrat? And I see he's trumped Schwarzenegger's Nixon ref by citing Wendell Willkie. I hope we have time for a Herbert Hoover panegyric before this Convention's over.

Zell intimates that America would cease to be a free country if Kerry is elected. Good Lord. How did we get through eight years of Clinton without gulags? If the election doesn't go his way, will Zell take to the woods with his shootin' ahrn?

He strikes me as nuts. Of course, I think Arnold's speech was better suited to a WWF cage match than a political convention. I suppose history may prove me wrong, if we have history.

BOO HOO, THEY HATE US AGAIN. The Right's narrative of the moment is that we New Yorkers have been just awful to our RNC guests:

Many New Yorkers seem to feel that they have to do everything possible to tell the delegates, and the world at large, that they hate Republicans...

Shortly after Sept. 11 -- I mean for like two seconds -- New York was as American and determined as any other town. That seems like an eternity ago. It is barely a dream.

In a way this development is comforting. I imagine it was part of the Republicans' original plan in coming here to represent us citizens to the rest of America as grateful beneficiaries of the GOP's post-9/11 leadership. Obviously that isn't gonna play, so now we are being called ingrates.

Of course this, too, could be a winning strategy for the Bushites. It is very shrewd of the President to accept the Firefighters' endorsement in Queens tonight. Our most popular cop shows, after all, portray New York as a city of skels, held in check only by the nobility and righteousness of cops and firemen, and America may be comforted by the idea that, though Gotham's residents rail against their leader, its uniformed ubermenschen respect his authority.

But at least they understand, if only dimly, that when we say no, we mean no. Though they are perfectly welcome to come back when they stop consecrating their candidates with the blood of our fallen in causes we disdain.

"MOMENTS -- MOMENTS --" There is, too, substantive posting by RNC bloggers! In addressing the Ed Schrock thing (Republican gets outed, quits), GOP blogger Slant Point explains homosexuality:

But really, the gay label is way too simplistic. Each side treats it like an either or, when in fact the truth may be that more and more Americans are engaging in bisexual moments -- moments -- as a result of sexual addictions.

So while the gay community will point to hypocrisy -- the numerous quotes from Schrock's past demonstrate an opposition to the leading efforts of gay activism -- we may simply be seeinng a man who took a sexual problem too far.

This, by God, is a unique approach to the GOP's gay rights issue: there are no gays, no straights -- only sex addicts, experiencing bisexual moments.

Slant Point had previously announced, "My message too will be Republican, but not just for America -- I aim to change NYC itself." If that post is an example of his schtick, I think we can afford to be charitable, and wish him luck.

BUT YOU ARE, BLANCHE, YOU ARE! "I guess I'm feeling a little like a flak for the Republican Party." -- Roger L. Simon

FREE MARKETS, FREE BAR. The RNC has caused a widespread outbreak of bullshit fever. Over at Reason -- you know, the "libertarian" magazine? -- you can read photo funnies about how hilarious it is when cops beat/arrest protestors. Those wacky free marketeers! They love freedom, but hate hippies worse.

FOR A SECOND THERE I thought someone had slipped me some acid and that was why the Olsen Twins looked and sounded so weird.

I think I'm going to give the First Lady a miss. When Bill Frist is the substantive highlight of your evening, you should quit while you're ahead.

THE NIXON REPUBLICAN. I think it was Clark Clifford who referred to Reagan as an "amiable dunce." Well, Schwarzenegger proves that you don't even have to be amiable anymore.

He became a Republican in emulation of Nixon ("a breath of fresh air") versus the "socialism" of... Hubert Humphrey. (Four years from now, Republican Governor Vin Diesel will tell us all about that bastard FDR.)

Schwarzenegger then tells the unemployed and struggling not to be girly-men. His argument against the "Two Americas" idea is that he visited soldiers. Then some more about tyranny, then he visits some more soldiers. I guess this isn't a policy speech.

If this shit goes over, the country is in much worse shape than I thought.

FOLLOW THE MONEY (WITH FINGERS REACHING). At the RNC, Bill Frist has the severe enunciation and choppy gestures of a TV pitchman. Come to think of it, so has Gore, on occasion. Is this a Tennessee thing? Or just the long legacy of Pappy O'Daniel?

He's very strongly against trahhhl lawyers, of course, and pleads that doctors be protected legislatively from the rising insurance premiums which their depradations have caused. This is one of those ideas that sounds good until you actually hear one of its leading advocates explain it; then you start thinking, wait a minute -- are we really ready to restrain juries from giving large settlements in order to keep insurance rates down? If so, will we also hold the insurers' feet to the fire, and require that they slash their rates by an equal percentage of the projected savings?

That I'd like to see! Never happen, of course. If anything, the trend is toward having cash-strapped state governments muscle in on large punitive settlements as "windfall" profits that should serve the interests of the state. Such a plan, in fact, was proposed just this year by tonight's star speaker, Governor Schwarzenegger.

LAST-MINUTE SURGE. The race for stupidest RNC commentary is extremely tight. At National Review Online, there are multiple contenders. But David Brooks really stole a march with today's column, in which he posited McCain, Giuliani, and -- get this --Arnold Schwarzenegger as avatars of "courage":

First, they are clear and self-confident in their beliefs... Second, they know their own minds... Third, they are obsessed with character. When they talk about problems, they talk about selfishness and dishonor... There is something chivalric and archaic about this form of political courage. Churchill and Thatcher had it, so did T.R. But today it is disdained in schools, where gentler virtues are held dear. And the movement-dominated organizations that now dominate our politics hate it...

First, "clear and self-confident in [his] beliefs," "know[s] [his]own mind," and "obsessed with character" could as easily describe Norman Bates as these guys.

Second, there is always something comic about a bespectacled, manicured academic like Brooks complaining that we're all turning into wimps, and gushing over Republican tough guys.

Third and Finally, other than party affiliation, what does Brooks' trio of objective correlatives have in common? McCain I grant is courageous, and his quiet dignity last night is the way courageous people actually comport themselves. But Giuliani? I appreciate that on September 11 he did not hide under his desk and crap his pants, but what possible Mayor of New York would have? (Seriously, think about it.)

Outside that brief period, Giuliani has uniformly devoted his life to bullying the weak and sucking up to the strong, with the occasional break for extra-marital affairs. (Oh, and this isn't the first time he has tried to leverage 9/11 to increase his own power and prestige. He actually tried to get the 2001 mayoral election delayed and keep himself in office past his term for a "indeterminate" amount of time. Fortunately, Freddy Ferrer told him to go fuck himself and we had the election on schedule. No disaster ensued except Bloomberg.)

As for Schwarzenegger, "chivalric"? Come fucking on.

While Andrea Peyser draws breath, Brooks will still have to run for it, but I expect to see him in the semifinals at least.

WHO KNEW Giuliani would do a comedy act? And he mixed the zingers with bathos, with an aplomb that could win him a regular telethon hosting gig if the Republicans find him too liberal to run for high office.

But they may not be able to avoid him. The Noo Yawk stories make an excellent dressing for the same old heartland politics -- had to get Saddam, Iraq is free, Kerry's a flip-flopper, etc. He's plumping for Bush but he's working for Rudy. As usual.

Favorite line: President Bush "can see into the future." To top it, Arnold will have to claim that Bush can rip up phone books.

BLOGGER TRIUMPHALISM PART 45,399. I heard a lot of stuff about how the Democratic Convention bloggers were all about the "'Oooh, I saw Ben Affleck' type of posting." Here's a current roundup from the RNC bloggers:

GOP BABES OF THE DAY. The hostesses at the Cablevision Suite. Super Size Them Mrs. America 2003, Erika Harold (interview) -- Real World San Francisco star (and new mother -- see the family in line) Rachel Campos Duffy...

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! Miss America Erika Harold ...

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! Miss America Erika Harold is visiting Bloggers Row!

I went to the excellent National Review party tonight with my girls Lisa (btw, go wish her a happy birthday) and Jessica. It was insane. The place was wall to wall packed. I ran into my polling teacher from grad...

Shortly after our interview with Ari Fleischer we went to the Turtle Bay Grill for NRO Bar Night with the folks from National Review. It was packed, but it was a good time. I got to meet Jonah Goldberg, and...

Dashing fromm MSG to parties around the city is not fun. I suppose the reward is the party, of course, but traffic is pretty slow with cones lining nearly every street in Midtown Manhattan. Still, the quickest way across town was by cab. We hit...

It's good to see the grown-ups back in charge.

UPDATE SEPT. 1: Great minds think alike.

HATERS. At the RNC John McCain gave a characteristically lucid, even-tempered speech, positing the campaign as "argument among friends." It's interesting that he didn't set the crowd on fire until he dissed Michael Moore. Suddenly the elephants woke up, smelled red meat, and roared.

I had gotten the impression that we were the ones blinded by hatred of a single individual. Well, maybe so, but at least it's not some guy with a movie camera.

And Moore was in the gallery, laughing! I've heard the bad things people have said about him, but he's certainly not short of guts.

ALICUBLOG ON THE MARCH! I’m not a protest type of guy, and tend to stand out in such crowds like Travis Bickle at a Palantine rally. Nonetheless I hauled my carcass over to Union Square this morning to see what the hubbub was about.

Like most attendees, I didn’t pay much attention to the speakers; the few I caught dished out the usual platitudes, though I admired the woman who bravely asserted after a catalogue of complaints, "When we run society, this kind of thing will not be allowed to happen!"

I was handed enough pamphlets and periodicals to wallpaper a small house, including The Revolutionary Worker, Solidarity News, 1917 (The Journal of the International Bolshevik Tendency), and a bilingual flyer for lunatic millionaire politician Abe Hirschfeld, who vowed to "end police brutality" in whatever post he’s running for this time. The LaRouche people were there too, bless them, still telling all voters willing to read dozens of pages of fine print that our troubles began with Jeremy Bentham, the Abbe Antonio Conti, and the Treaty of Ghent.

Someone was filming what appeared to be a student film: a handheld camera operator circled a young woman in a jean jacket as she looked around at the protestors. The NYPD Technical Assistance Response Unit was also filming. The participants provided lively footage. A ring of Philadelphians clad in black and pink led some anti-Bush cheers. One of them wore a shirt that read, "When I say Gender, you say Fuck." That remains my favorite shirt of the day (though the plaintive "I Still Hate George W. Bush" is up there, too). Even a few of the park bums got in on the act; "Bush gotta go, Bush gotta go," repeated a scrawny man shuffling around with a framed Saturday Evening Post cover under his arm.

When it got around noon I headed down 14th to Seventh Avenue, which was so clogged that we didn’t get moving for about thirty minutes. I shambled along awhile behind a man got up as a Greek Orthodox priest who carried a double-faced placard: the standard UPJ sign on one side, a beautiful gilt-edged print of "Our Mother of Sorrows" cradling the World Trade Center on the other. There were lots of signs around -- hell, people were leaving them by the roadside, and others were picking them up -- ranging from hunks of cardboard with scrawls to classy evil-elephant and Bush-looking-stupid print jobs, along with banners, Bush effigies, and balloons, some of which flew up into the sky to float among the police helicopters.

At 24th Street we passed an impromptu press gallery perched on a construction platform. (A lone Reuters cameraman, too heat-exhausted perhaps to climb, lounged on the sidewalk.) One of the photogs shouted, "Y’all look wonderful!" which raised a great cheer.

There were plenty of cameras within the crowd as well, generally trained on the grungiest protestors and most inflammatory signs. If you want to see that sort of thing, you know where to go.

Eventually I found myself behind a contingent from SIAFU. Never heard of them before (I think they’re these guys), but they were all in purple shirts proclaiming that they were "coming after the elephant and the ass," just in case you thought this was a Kerry rally. They danced in place and got some hearty chants going – "Who we are (who we are) we are the stu-dents (we are the stu-dents) mighty mighty stu-dents…" Other chants, mostly of the "Hey hey, ho ho" variety, popped up along the way.

The crowd was getting bunched up round 25th Street and some of the organizers sprang into action to regulate the flow -- young, mostly female, red bandanas tied on their arms, they linked hands across the avenue and held the pace. Very neatly done. If you want to know why moderates march with fringe groups, it's because the fringe groups know their shit.

Up in the 30s there was no getting out of it -- all the sidewalks and sidestreets were blocked off by metal gates and cops, who seemed attentive but relaxed; a number of them lounged in chairs inside the closed Blimpies at 30th, gazing out at us as if we were a dull TV show and the remote were too far away for them to change the channel.

I went around on this ride twice, and both times the crowd was thinner in front of MSG and on 34th Street – another bright organizational move, relieving tension at a critical juncture (and in the teeth of hundreds of cops). The chanting and booing there were light, there being nothing but police and convention security to yell at. Gaggles of Pro-Bush protestors provided some of the more argumentative marchers with targets at 33rd and Seventh and at 34th and Broadway (again, if you want to see pictures of them -- and claims that they outnumbered or were prettier than the anti-Bush protestors -- you can always go to Instapundit), but most of the crowd seemed to realize that the sheer mass of the march was the message – though everyone voiced loud displeasure at footage of Bush on the giant TV screen on Macy’s south side.

And then we were heading back downtown, with lots of elbow room, and then we were done. On East 14th Street, kids were hauling their boxes into the NYU dorms for the Fall session.

It all went very smoothly, which, given that I have personal experience of how these things can sometimes go, is how I prefer it.

UPDATE. For the visually inclined, there's a nice sequence of protest photos at FSHK.

For crap, go here and the vicinity. "The most disenchanted, dissheveled youth out of the leftest-wing of college campuses"? I don't just call but also certify bullshit. Most of the crowd looked like typical New Yorkers (sounded like them too -- most of the conversations were about where they were going to eat afterwards), Sunday-casual but by no means dissheveled. (Speaking of bullshit, Brookhiser somehow gets twenty pounds of it into his five-pound bag. As a sometime English tutor, I advise him that if he's going to refer to "the only other American flag I spotted," he should clearly indicate where he saw the first one. Reading The Corner's always a nuisance; contextual-reading it is just too much trouble.)

UPDATE 2. Even more lovely pictures here, here, and here. (The first two may cause you trouble if you have a dial-up connection; Margaret, ever polite, taxes your baud rate less.)

Over at The Corner (allegedly from Rick "Dogs and Dogs, Living Together!" Santorum*, but probably crafted by a crack team of GOP speechwriters): "Meanwhile, for the other America, I saw a woman wearing a visored cap with a W on it going out of Bergdorf Goodman." As literary epiphanies go, this is about the worst I've ever seen.

UPDATE 3. Now is a good time to recall Adam Brodsky's insane New York Post article from a week ago: "How fitting it would be if city natives held their own protests and spoke up for themselves, in support of an even tougher War on Terror, both at home and abroad...How satisfying to see locals, who have endured terror first-hand, step up and tell the pacifists to get with the program and defend America." To paraphrase Junior Kimbrough, things haven't worked out for poor Adam. If you are a student of abnormal psychology, his whole column is worth a read, but this will do for wingnut joy-poppers: "Yet even cops and firefighters, New York's last line of defense, are threatening illegal job actions, in the hopes of -- get this! -- winning a raise. (Talk about a lack of patriotism.)" No wonder the cops were relatively chill today.

UPDATE 4. I expected OpinionJournal, one of the moonbats' fave caves, to come up with a honey for Protest Day, and they gave me an article by Larry Gatlin:

Since Bruce Springsteen is about to "Rock the Vote" for John Kerry, I'd be only too happy to start booking my motel rooms to hit the road for George W. Bush. With my brothers Steve and Rudy, my buddies the Oak Ridge Boys, Lee Greenwood, Mark Wills and any number of other country music artists who get their support from the heartland, I'm going to find the time, come fall, to tell America that we're playing, and praying, for President Bush.

I like the Gatlin Brothers a lot, and looked forward to their invasion of this bluest of blue towns. Alas, check out Gatlin's tour dates for the remainder of 2004. Still, I guess Bush will have the Branson vote covered.

UPDATE 5. Just in case you were wondering what the Bush base thought about all this:

That [an anti-Fox sentiment] certainly seemed to be the most popular chant. I wonder what peercentage of the wackos were homofascists? Seemed tons were carrying rainbow signs. -- Guillermo

As far as I'm concerned, they should march every one of those bastards around the hole that once was the World Trade Center to give them the clue as to what appeasment gave us. -- Gunner03

The Vietnam War was won in 1968 but it was traitors like Kerry and Fonda who lost it at home. -- CROSSHIGHWAYMAN

Most of them are not employed in jobs like the rest of us. IF they work at all, they work on their computers, thinking up ways of protesting and terrorising your average American citizen... -- Curlewbird (They got us there! - RE)

BuBush went to war defeat terror and avenge what happened to New
York...NY repays him by overwhelmingly supporting Kerry...it was a mistake to hold the convention in this City of Ingrates. --BushBacker (There too! -- RE)

Couldn't you see Sadam, Stalin, Lenin putting up with the likes of today? It would be so sad if not so ironic.Yesiree...Higher Education at its best... -- TwoBits

WI naively believed that when the rest of the country rushed to New York's aid, despite the contempt that many New Yorkers feel for :flyover country," that something might change... In the end, liberalism trumps everything, even simple gratitude. -- BushBacker (Thanks for nothing, asshole. -- RE)

Ain't it the truth! My father-in-law was a retired Army captain who spent several years in a POW camp in Germany. His liberalism was so overpowering that he actually voted for Bill Clinton! His family is from the Boston area and they are dyed in the wool liberals. You're got to wonder what there is about liberalism that allows it to trump almost any other factor. -- jwrjr

I SUSPECT a "Large Portion" of these "Protesters" are "On the Public Dole;" I DOUBT THAT Most of the "Anti-Bush" Protesters in NYC are "Gainfully Employed!" Who Has the Time to Go to NYC for a "Protest!!" -- Doc on the Bay (I work six days a week. On Sundays I tear America down. -- RE)

Heaven forbid should there be another terrorist attack on NYC because I for one w/n feel upset for these 'boobs' who have forgotten... -- Tarheel

And yet the Jews continue to vote Democrat. -- conservativegreatgrandma

Et alia ad nauseum in extremis. (As if you didn't know: all spelling and grammatical errors recorded intact.)

UPDATE 6. Did I call it, or did I call it? Jesus, what an asshole.

*UPDATE 7. They've fixed the Santorum reference at The Corner, attributing those idiotic remarks to Brookhiser. Might there have been a Protest Day mole at NRO? At this writing, a bold tag has been left open, rendering it even uglier than usual. Or maybe (this old HTML hound observes) the bad angle-slash-b-closeangle was done by Ned Flanders.

UPDATE VIII. Roger L. Simon sez: the protest made me feel like everyone was against me -- even the Korean who made my sandwich was acting just like Howell Raines -- until a cop and a fellow GOP shill made me believe in America again.

Pray hurry back to Hollywood to work with Michael Ledeen on Die Hard 2 Much, maaaan.

UPDATE THE NINTH. The RedState contingent has arrived in New York and already had trouble with "one angry black woman." Hopefully the first of many! (Hint to Tacitus and friends: you might try losing the Confederate flag bumper stickers.)

UPDATE DIEZ. Little Green Footballs says, "Only three years after September 11 blah blah blah blah..." Do they have only one brain, and pass it around?

UPDATE LEBENTY-LEBEN. Since James Lileks has devoted his Monday Bleat to some hometown reunion, the parade of protest assholes is hereby adjourned. G'night.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM to learn that Tacitus looks like your basic Libertarian alderman candidate. I was picturing Brando in The Young Lions.

He says his site features "worthy individuals of all ideologies." By this I guess he means right, far right, ultraright, here-be-dragons right, and Al Hunt -- I mean, Harley. No wonder the media looks librul to him.

I see Roger L. Simon says this is the first time he's ever voted for a Republican Presidential candidate. Hey, he looked like a pro to me.

BRIEF. I turned off the game in late innings with the Mets leading the Dodgers 6-1. I did not worry that they might lose. They would have had to work awfully hard to blow a lead like that, and the Mets are not currently inclined toward hard work.

BACK FROM D.C. My medical vacation passed without incident, though a surly phlebotomist did give me a nice ugly bruise on my arm. Too bad I'm not sufficiently thin to carry off the junkie chic thing. I also have a wicked farmer tan from marching around the Mall, taking in the greatest hits. I hadn't seen the FDR, WWII, and Korean War memorials before, and while there were things about each that I liked (particularly the statues of the Korea soldiers), I don't like this trend toward shoving ten tons of iconography into a five-ton bag. Also caught some art -- liked the Whistler, Mann, and Brown v. Board of Education shows most. Favorite moment: five Mennonite women in traditional garb, waiting in line for the Race Car Simulation ride. America is still my favorite country.

Anyway, now I have the RNC madness to look forward to. I imagine I'll take in a few protests and tell you what I see. I expect all will be peaceful if the cops can contain the outside agitators among us. (Thanks for the tip, Chuck, and did you notice that these guys are staying at Sun Myung Moon's hotel?)

SLUMMING WITH THE CRAZY JESUS LADY. You may recall Peggy Noonan went freelance a little while back. She gave the impression that she would be heading into the shit, so to speak, because while she had worked in the White House (insert modest cough here), "There are others, however, lower down on the power pole, who might benefit from another hand on deck. I've called a few this week and they've been welcoming and I'll see if I can add to their fortunes. If I can't I'll at least try not to sink them." Bravely laughing off her unpaid leave from the Wall Street Journal, she added, "This will take a bite out of my finances but I can do it. Actually most of us, when we die, wind up with a few thousand dollars in the bank. We should have spent it! I am going to spend mine now..."

Hail to thee, blithe spirit! Visions of Peggy painting signs and churning the mimeograph in a bedraggled storefront danced in my head.

But look where I found Crazy Jesus Lady will be in a couple of weeks:

...U.S. Department of Treasury Secretary John Snow will address more than 700 restaurateurs from across the country at the 19th Annual National Restaurant Association Public Affairs Conference. During the conference, held September 13-14, 2004 at the Grand Hyatt in downtown Washington, D.C., restaurateurs will meet with members of Congress to discuss legislative issues and their impact on the restaurant industry, as well as listen to high-ranking opinion leaders, members of Congress and administration officials...

Other guests will include: Rep. Ric Keller (R-FL); Peggy Noonan, political commentator and writer...

A ticket to this conference costs $145. Oh, and there's a story on her in Time this week.

That "few thousand" in her bank account must be looking pretty damn secure right now.

SERVICE ADVISORY. Over the next four days I will be in Washington, D.C. and Bethesda, Maryland, on one of my regular medical vacations, as part of my participation in a study at the National Institutes of Health. Since I don't have one of those newfangled portable electronic devices, posting will be infrequent. Government agents may find me at the Morrison-Clark Inn (tell them to ring the bar) or at the National Archives, gazing again through tears upon the Founders' majestic plans for this Republic.