NEXT: IS "JEOPARDY" MAKING US ANSWER EVERYTHING IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION?

A Federalist essay by Melissa Langsam Braunstein, "a former U.S. Department of State speechwriter":

Finding love is hard. Making love deepen and last is even harder. If reality TV is any indication, love has gone off the rails in America.

If reality TV is any indication, I'm joining ISIS.

Contrary to so much of what women read about modern romance, the men on FYI’s reality show “Married at First Sight” are eager to commit. It’s the women who are either ambivalent or outright negative. 

Maybe the men are feebs and losers.

They say they want love and marriage, but it’s not clear they are all relationship-ready. 

And I suspect feminism is part of the problem.

Of course! Why else would game show contestants who agreed to marry a stranger to be on TV decline intimacy?

...David, the only participant whose parents reportedly had a loving marriage, lost his father at age seven. He commits eagerly, while his wife Ashley is incredibly skittish. Ashley declines physical contact and is an emotional wall.

That bitch!

Vanessa, who hasn’t spoken to her father since her parents divorced during her high school years, worries her new husband, Tres, isn’t committed. Tres, whose own mother abandoned him in toddlerhood, feeds Vanessa’s fears by saying he hadn’t actually been looking for marriage.

Actually he's been looking for a career in trash TV, but is now thinking Vines was the better way to go.

It’s only after a revealing chat with the show’s psychologist that the honeymooning Vanessa relaxes and agrees to give Tres another chance. In the most recent episode, they both demonstrate an interest in care-taking. Tres offers to pay the larger portion of rent since he earns more, and Vanessa cooks dinner. This combination of trust and mutual care-taking make Tres and Vanessa the season’s most promising match.

That and the hand jobs.

The rest lacks even this much coherence, so I'll just dish you some fragments:

Abuse and constant conflict clearly justify a divorce petition, but does dissatisfaction?

When conservatives finally Take Back America, spouses who want to separate will be obliged to demonstrate that they're not divorcing whimsically, the way you might, say, shoot a guy who pulled into your driveway.

In recent decades, boys have been told that they must not be overtly masculine, let alone chivalrous, because that would be sexist.

That's true -- all the young parents I know are teaching their male offspring to go to the playground and shove girls off the swings. They figure it'll get 'em ready for that dystopian socialist society we're all planning on as soon as you cracker motherfuckers die off.