By Dick Cheney! It's like having an op-ed by Hitler on Obama's failed Israel policy.
One more:
Option 1: Depends -- can you make them smell bad and teach them to stand too close to you when they talk?
Option 2: Not if we come up with an "empathy" patch.
UPDATE. In comments, libertarians are always good for a laugh, but libertarian robots are a riot. "Like Daleks without the charm," says susanoftexas. ("EXPROPRIATE! EXPROPRIATE!" rejoins BadExampleMan.) "More importantly, will libertarians of the future be robots?" says mortimer2000. "Well, they're already drones! *rimshot*" Come on, lady, he laughed when you came in.
"It's actually somewhat heartening." says BigHank53, "that even John Stossel now sees the most likely path to creating additional libertarians is building them in a factory."
Libertarian robots! They can claim to have built themselves and that they require no assistance form anyone else, and runout of power in about twelve hours, following which they can stand inert for all eternity.
ReplyDeleteRemember, if everyone's special, nobody's special! How is Stossel going to lord his genetic superiority over others if they can afford more enhancements than he can?
ReplyDeleteMake sure the robots are strict libertarians? That way, they'll be forbidden to commit assault, theft or fraud -- the three legal restrictions in which libertarians believe.
Instead the robots will be programmed to automatically weigh profit over liability, cutting corners whenever it would be cheaper to let people die. Stossel sees this might be a problem so he wants people to graft machine parts onto themselves.
Which won't be a problem at all the next time the Tea Party issues another invitation to the militia movement nuts to weapon up and take out a couple kindergarteners, students, cops or feds.
Stossel wants Go Go Gadget. He'd get the Terminator, thanks to gun nuts like him.
Galt's Gulch is a scrapyard
ReplyDeletehttps://twitter.com/LOLGOP/status/479077200382021633
ReplyDelete~
More importantly, will libertarians of the future be robots?
ReplyDeleteWell, they're already drones! *rimshot*
(Gee mommy, what happens if I push this one's "taxation is theft" button?)
Gee, Mr. Stossel, I don't know about the robots of the future but the Cheneybots of the present are certainly unreflective assholes without a shred of fucking dignity or class. So that's a start, I guess.
ReplyDeleteAs near as I can tell, the "Obama Doctrine" consists entirely of being competent. So I'll have to guess that the "mistakes" to which Cheney refers are the killing of Bin-Laden, the killing of much of the rest of Al Qaeda's management superstructure, the capture of this latest terrorist, and Obama's refusal to get us involved in ground operations in Syria, Iran, Egypt, Libya, Chad, Nigeria, and Sudan (all of those countries have been the subject of calls from Republicans to deploy troops).
ReplyDelete. . . they'll be forbidden to commit assault, theft or fraud . . .
ReplyDeleteSince the entire libertarian movement is based on an intellectual fraud, that pretty much rules out robots programmed against fraud from being libertarians.
More likely, they will claim to have built themselves and that they require no assistance from anyone else, but they will do so while maintaining their own access to the power grid and trying to figure out how not to pay for the wires or the generating stations.
ReplyDeleteLike Daleks without the charm.
ReplyDeleteHa, no: Whatever flaws robots will have, I'm pretty sure they'll be good at math.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to know that Stossel's ideal libertarian robot would stand there and watch a school bus full of kids go up in flames rather than break a window or use somebody else's fire extinguisher without permission.
ReplyDeleteThis tells you more than you'd probably like to know about John Stossel's personal moral code.
"Look on my works, ye statists, and despair!"
ReplyDeleteMy guess is that for Dick and Liz this is what constitutes foreplay, a sociopathic critique of the crime of having a lower body count and fewer wars than the worst Administration in history.
ReplyDeleteBut that robot would undoubtedly bid for scrap rights to the bus and its contents.
ReplyDelete"So wrong at the expense of so many?"
ReplyDeleteHis Halliburton stock must be tanking.
Dick wants everyone to know he's still available for gigs as sociopathich shadow henchman and that his little girl is ready to take up the mantle.
ReplyDeleteAm I wrong to hope that the next GOP presidential candidate will tap Liz as Veep?
Any child organs unharmed by the fire would be sold to Dick Cheney, which ties the two topics together.
ReplyDeleteHe's a freelance Sith Lord.
ReplyDeleteOh, you're dyslexic too?
ReplyDeleteOnly if Jeb is the nominee. Another Bush-Cheney ticket would explain America's obesity problem -- we're gluttons for punishment.
ReplyDeleteLet the market decide between a robot who will bring you a beer and wash your car, or the one in a leather jacket that smokes pot and gets lithium grease in your sock drawer.
ReplyDeleteMake sure they're strict libertarians? Because nothing says "I believe in personal liberty above all else" quite like forcing others to hold an ideology they wouldn't choose given an option. And don't libertarians usually claim it's a logical system? Wouldn't an entirely logical intelligence affirm it automatically?
ReplyDeleteYes, per libertarian SOP, we'll depend on internal coding to forbid assault, theft, and fraud. There won't be any actual laws against those things, since that would infringe liberty and over-regulate business.
ReplyDeleteWithout even reading Cheney's malignant spew, I already know what it is. "Go fuck yourself, Cheney" doesn't come close to the karmic justice that should be visited upon this creature; it's why we believe in the afterlife and reincarnation. Welcome to the insect world, Mr. Vice President. Try not to get eaten by a bird
ReplyDeleteThis is another in a series of "Thanks for reading these things, Roy, so we don't have to."
But Daleks are charming! Just look at 'em: they're completely stymied by stairs and standard-width doorways, yet the Doctor and the rest of the cast politely treat them as worthy adversaries. They must have a little something extra going on, because they're a bit short in the 'menace' department.
ReplyDeleteI think theft is A-OK, too, as long as it's from the commons. Stealing from individuals is so much worse than stealing from everyone.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna go read that Cheney article, but I probably won't get past the first sentence unless it is "The only worse president this century was the one who let foreign terrorists attack America directly, got more than 100,000 people senselessly killed around the world, and lost Ossetia."
ReplyDeleteIf the commons can't defend their property, then they didn't really possess it, therefore taking it isn't theft.
ReplyDeleteLeno? Think of what Rod Serling could've done.
ReplyDeleteIt's actually somewhat heartening that even John Stossel now sees the most likely path to creating additional libertarians is building them in a factory.
ReplyDeleteSerling? Think of what Jerry Lewis could've done.
ReplyDeleteSince so few libertarians get laid, what other choice do they have?
ReplyDeleteYou said the magic word: graft.
ReplyDeleteEXPROPRIATE! EXPROPRIATE!
ReplyDeleteTechnically, Cheney is right - if by "so much", one understands "not putting Shrub et al on trial for war crimes". ;)
ReplyDeleteOr a spider that gets those horrible wasp eggs laid in it?
ReplyDeleteAtlas Shrugged may have been a box office flop, but I bet Mozart Was a Red, the Musical would make some dough.
ReplyDeletehttp://dangerousminds.net/comments/mozart_was_a_red_a_one_act_play_about_ayn_rand
Gee mommy, what happens if I push this one's "taxation is theft" button?
ReplyDeleteIt starts an endless-loop subroutine about the wonders of privately built roads, how market forces would punish companies that poison the public water supply, and the innate natural balance found in the employer-employee contract. While it does this, it asks if you can spare a joint and whether your girlfriend has sent you any "interesting" selfies lately.
Me Me Me, Robot
ReplyDeleteIs the whining going to be separate app?
ReplyDeleteIsn't the real horror being in a political party where the majority of your voters don't even know why they should tell Dick Cheney to shut up?
ReplyDeleteYou are the BEST.
ReplyDeleteLooking at the picture of the two of them I get the sense of a guy who really knows he's almost dead and hasn't managed to amass as much money for his daughters as he planned. The gender politics of all this are really interesting--the Cheney daughters are so clearly not going to be in the same league as their father financially even though lots more opportunities are available to them than to unconnected women. Does anyone think that Cheney's son, if he'd had one, wouldn't have been more successfully groomed to be either a political figure or a CEO of a military company?
ReplyDeleteYes. And they'll insist they don't have to pay for it. It's a feature, not a bug.
ReplyDeleteIsn't Bender a libertarian robot?
ReplyDeleteDoes that mean when my hard drive crashed it was actually going Galt?
ReplyDeleteI'll build my own minarchist state! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the minarchist state!
ReplyDeleteFarnsworth: Bender, you won't believe this, but the empathy chip burned
ReplyDeleteout. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own.
Fry: Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all.
Farnsworth: No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity.
Bender: And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers!
Well, the optimistic take on that is that he'll die soon.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure item one answers John Stossel's question in item two. If their AI is good enough, they'll sling whatever bullshit is handy, especially if the AI at the Wall Street Journal editorial page doesn't improve over the next century.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, objectivism is the hothouse flower of political beliefs. Not only must all alternatives be forcibly eliminated for True Freedom to be attained, now it must be literally hard-wired into the brains of its new rank and file so they don't stray.
ReplyDeleteCut to scene: Burgess Meredith wanders into a post-apocalyptic library. His glasses fall off. He leans down to pick them up, only to find that he's in the editorial archives of the Wall Street Journal.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that pretty much exactly what Rand said about why killing off Native Americans was justified?
ReplyDelete"Allways look on the bright side of death, of death, do woop de doop de do!" [hums under her breath.]
ReplyDeleteI would like to get this comment chiseled into Mitt Romney's shoulders.
ReplyDeleteWell, given that construct, then theft doesn't actually exist. After all, if I can strong-arm you into giving me that Rolex, or just shoot your ass deader than fried chicken so I can claim your duplex for my own, then I'm not stealing either of those things. 'Cause if you really owned them, you'd have been able to defend them.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I was wrong in my assessment of a libertarian robot. With reasoning skills like those, it just might unplug itself to prove its independence.
"All the derp I need, and all the derp I want..."
ReplyDeleteIsn't the corner-cutting robot committed to nothing but "principle" and actively destructive to human life... HAL 9000?
ReplyDeleteWell, I used to be disgusted, and now I try to be amused. The most morbidly amusing part was when they claimed to have gone around to various unnamed people who supposedly said, "Can you please explain what your president is doing?" "Why is he walking away?" "Why is he so blithely sacrificing the hard fought gains you secured in Iraq?" "Why is he abandoning your friends?" "Why is he doing deals with your enemies?" etc. I wonder if one of them was Ahmed Chalabi. I wouldn't trust Dick Cheney to help me score dope in Denver.
ReplyDeleteJust saw a rerun of the Bikini Island nuke documentary. Watched the sacrificial goats being tied up. Forgive me, Akua, but I wanted them to contain the reincarnated souls of Cheney et al.
ReplyDeleteIf Al Gore had run around the country in 2001-02, telling everyone who would listen what a feckless, incompetent goof George W. Bush was, the wingnuts would have screamed for him to be arrested for treason.
ReplyDeleteYou'll have to do it between 747 landings.
ReplyDeleteI'm picturing Ahmed Chalabi sitting by the phone with Liz Cheney's senior picture in his hand, praying "Please God... PLEASE let her call..."
ReplyDeleteChalabi. I wonder what that greasy fuckstick is doing these days. Funny how it never quite worked out that the people of Iraq wanted him as their leader. Yet, BushCo managed to funnel uncounted (and unaccountable) millions to the Iraqi National Congress (aka, Chalabi & Friends).
ReplyDelete"Various" and "Unnamed", eh? More like "Ahmed" and "Chalabi".
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you say "worst administration." People talk about Bush as the worst president, which may or may not be true. But he wasn't presidentin' all by himself. He was the face; Cheney et al. were the brains.
ReplyDeleteWith what they'll inherit, it won't matter.
ReplyDeletePaul Bremer was on CNN trying really hard to tapdance around that one, but he wasn't very good at it. It was like watching a monkey trying to fuck a football. Well, some sort of super-monkey, anyhow, capable of losing a trillion dollars, killing thousands through super-monkey incompetence, and ruining an entire country. The football would just be a regular WalMart toy aisle hard-for-a-monkey-to-fuck football.
ReplyDeleteA good libertarian robot might tell a 270lb professional wrestler to his face, on television and within reaching distance, that wrestling was fake.
ReplyDelete…and then whine about it like a sissy for months, before SCORING almost half a million in one of them faggy liberal lawsuits.
We already have libertarian robots.
ReplyDeleteThey're called "corporations."
Those seem reasonable safeguards…let's build 'em!
ReplyDeleteAyn Rand Gundam Style.
ReplyDeleteWhy should a good libertarian give up her figure, income, and time to raise a child? Do you know how many hours a day it takes to play video games, read the blogs, surf porn in support of the First Ammendment, attend Reason coctail parties, and write movie reviews with a conservative yet hip point of view?
ReplyDeleteSelfishness is a virtue and parenthood is a sin.
HAL went bonkers because he was given an order to safeguard a secret to the point of murder; a directive that contradicted his programming to keep his human crew safe from harm. In a sense, it was a virtual crisis of conscience.
ReplyDeleteLibertarian robots, by definition, would never have such a conflict of interest.
On the other hand Megan McArdle just gave adoption a pat on the head, so maybe they think babies should be like livers--you should be able to buy one.
ReplyDeleteI find it horrible enough being in the opposition political party, frankly.
ReplyDeletesock drawer underwear drawer.
ReplyDeleteThat film is a terrific introduction to ancient history and comparative religion study.
ReplyDeleteAh, Daleks have been able to fly since about 2007 or so. Plus the plungers are pretty damn threatening. and the little blob of protoplasm inside is kind of pathetic and awful.
ReplyDeleteThe world waits in horrified dread for the inevitable announcement that McArdle has decided to spawn. If you thought her overpriced-and-unnecessary-kitchen-gadget writing was bad...
ReplyDeleteGlenn Reynolds's ears are burning.
ReplyDeleteRoombas might currently resemble libertarians, but it's only a matter of time before the former can pass the Turing Test...
ReplyDelete.
What I'd like in that case is that TBogg would resurrect his "America's Worst Mother" routine for her. At least we'd have that to cushion the shock and horror.
ReplyDeleteThey will run out of power in about twelve hours
ReplyDeleteShit, they won't even get to hear all of Galt's speech...
Quality control!
ReplyDeleteIf by "ring modulator" you mean "anal sphincter," you don't have to imagine--just listen to his show.
ReplyDeleteBut that Bush guy was a War President, you see?
ReplyDeleteThat makes all the difference.
Like how painting a Ford Pinto army green and welding a blunderbuss to its hood makes it a "war car", beyond reproach...
.
Make sure the robots are strict libertarians? That way, they'll be forbidden to commit assault, theft or fraud -- the three legal restrictions in which libertarians believe.
ReplyDeleteYeah uh, Sorry, Isaac. Your Three Laws of Libertarianics are already not being adhered to on a universal basis. Especially the one about fraud.
To put it in another way, if the evidence doesn't support your conclusion, fuck the evidence.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking that the issue for them with robots is that robots never have a period of dependency and childhood. So they are undemanding w/r/t parental care--i.e. they aren't moochers.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sure one or bothof them is infertile and that they are going to go the adoption route and she will propose to write a book about it. Too bad "permission to suck" has already been used.
ReplyDeleteFuck the evidence? but it has to stand in line behind everything else they want to fuck, first.
ReplyDeleteI thought popular opinion was just "popular opinion" and Messers Bush and Cheney were always right in disregarding it. I remember a lot of unnamed people who fervently asked them not to invade Iraq and asked "Why are you doing this" but they were entirely ignored and dismissed.
ReplyDeleteRoombas have an actual use, for christ's sake. They can never be compared to libertarians who are definitionally determined to be of no use whatsoever for fear of being exploited for the benefit of others.
ReplyDeleteWell, I used to be disgusted, and now I try to be amused.
ReplyDeleteAnd now the assholes want to wear my red shoes.
Not so fast. How about, "Permission Granted"?
ReplyDeleteIf you choose not to decide (because your programing prevents you from recognizing certain courses of action) you still have made a choice!
ReplyDelete"As with so many innovations in the past, I'll bet that handing off tasks to machines will make our lives better by freeing us up to focus on activities that we enjoy more."
ReplyDeleteLike playing the violin, or studying Babylonian poetry, or whatever other passions trolls like Kyle Smith scoff when it's tied to Obamacare.
In order to promote freedom, a few of us will have to force everyone else to do what we know is right for them.
ReplyDeletep.s. War is peace.
Or at least an abandoned oil rig.
ReplyDeleteFreedom's just another word for nothin' left to choose. ... And that's good enough for me an' my Robot MacGee.
ReplyDeleteI will bet you anything that if they do adopt she will first explore the possibility of inducing lactation and then spend several column inches explaining why the top quality formula that she buys through Sur Le Table De Restoration Bosoms, available in grackle, spackle, beige, greige and pink himalayan sunrise is the only way to raise a genius level child.
ReplyDeleteUmm, don't know about very recently, but as late as 2010, he was still doing his utmost to throw sand in the gears of government. He may even be responsible for some of the current Sunni-Shia aggravation, since he and his Iraqi National Congress used an earlier law to decertify about 500 candidates for public office in the 2010 elections, most of them Sunni.
ReplyDeleteOh, and did I mention that he's a Univ. of Chicago graduate?
Other than that, I'm sure he's looking for another bank, government, country to defraud. It's what he does best.
... Will robots of the future be libertarians? ...
ReplyDeleteI dont think it's possible to program machines to be such assholes.
John Sladek's Tik Tok is the ultimate libertarian robot, and it killed a bunch of people and ran for vice president
ReplyDeleteI would like to take this comment on a slow trip to Brown Town, IYKWIMAITYD.
ReplyDeleteExcellent, one of the best.
ReplyDeleteFor All Latest Hot Current Affairs
ReplyDeletewww.hotcurrentaffairs.com
I am here to help!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.zarthani.net/Images/junkyard_planet-mott.jpg
I believe it was Jerry Pournelle (of all people) who pointed out that there are no infants or children in Ayn Rand novels.
ReplyDeleteHowever, that force will not be applied by a state-like apparatus. Instead, mumble . . .mumble . . .Look! Over there! Is that Cher showing some side boob?!?!
ReplyDeleteSo, Dick Cheney in robot drag?
ReplyDeleteBut, I read an article in Reason . . . Oh. I see.
ReplyDeleteYou mean his bilateral external microphones.
ReplyDeleteThe plan for the family was ruined when Liz's Senate campaign turned out to be a ridiculous carnival sideshow. No doubt the evil one had visions of her moving on from the Senate to the White House, and not as Veep.
ReplyDeletebabies should be like livers
ReplyDeleteThe way to make them larger is to give them lots of alcohol.
you just let people come to whatever conclusions they want, most of them won't come to libertarian conclusions."We live not only in a state, but in a system of states, and the existence of the Soviet republic side-by-side the imperialist states for a prolonged period of time is unthinkable."
ReplyDeleteI never understood why full citizenship and the voting franchise should devolve upon those who volunteer to perform risky work in the military, and not on those who take equivalent or greater risks in, say, coal mining. Perhaps the miners need a better uniform.
ReplyDeleteCan I just add, "Dick Cheney, eminence greasy"? I've been dying to use that.
ReplyDeleteCREDO's got a new petition up to "tell Dick Cheney to stop blaming Obama for Cheney's mistakes." Lot of good that's going to do. Might as well tell him to "stop breathing."
ReplyDeleteThat is for sure but Liz had a long time (8 years) when she stayed too close to home in what were clearly bogus, made up, admin/civil service jobs instead of making a real name for herself in politics or getting offered any big money CEO jobs.
ReplyDeleteMust credit Iain Banks.
ReplyDeleteGood point. I don't think that W could have done nearly as much damage on his own.
ReplyDeleteWell, it was pretty obvious, when you think about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd damn, another author I have to catch up on.
I've been remiss with my Netflix binge-watching, so I'm afraid I only have Classic Daleks to refer to. The ones with just enough ground clearance that they'd get hung up on a dog's chew toy.
ReplyDeleteOther than that minor practicality, though: the design was/is terrific fun: they're just what the mad scientist ordered for world domination.
Might as well tell him to "stop breathing."
ReplyDeleteI'd say that it would be worth a shot, except that I'm not sure that a creature like Cheney needs to breathe... he only does it when he thinks someone is watching.
You misremeber. In Starship troopers, the franchise was restricted to those who had completed a term of government employment. Which mostly meant the military, but he specifically mentioned that the handicapped and pacifists could get a vote by working in other government jobs. Of course, now that I think about it, it's been 20 years since I read the book, and I might be mistaken myself.
ReplyDeleteEither that or he respires through his exoskeleton.
ReplyDeletePâté-cake, pâté-cake
ReplyDeletebaker's man
Remember the Big Mouth Billy Bass?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WC6EbRQmJ0
App nothing, it's the built-in communication protocol.
ReplyDeleteIf they are Restoration Bosoms they probably are not "sur le table."
ReplyDeleteMore like "sont la table."
Instacracker is already picking out a replacement for DMOP.
ReplyDeleteAh, Daleks have been able to fly since about 2007 or so.
ReplyDeleteThey've been able to fly enough to get up stairs since 1988.
http://www.sciencedump.com/content/chinese-hospitals-introduce-hands-free-automatic-sperm-extractor
ReplyDeleteIs "War President" the short form of the press mantra that was being repeated when his approval rating was heading south of 35 - "Extremely popular wartime president?"
ReplyDeleteChapter 1: How To Win The Baby Shower By Registering For Very Expensive Goods And Services
ReplyDeleteChapter 2: Gains From Trade: Buying A Better Baby
Chapter 3: Adoption Or Surrogacy-?--Desperate Pregnant Women Are Cheaper--Here's Why!
Chapter 4: Obmacare Has Ruined The For-Profit Birth Industry
Chapter 5: Day Care: It's Never To Early To Network Your Way To Harvard
Chapter 6: The Libertarian Toddler: Teaching Your Child To Always Act In His Own Self-Interest As A Replacement For Discipline
Chapter 7: Dining Out With Children: Don't Restaurants Or Other Customers Infringe On Your Rights!
Chapter 8: Winning The Birthday Party: An Elite Guest List Is Not Child's Play
Chapter 9: Boarding School versus Day School: Don't Let Sentiment Undermine Your Life Plan
Chapter 10: Summer Camp: Networking 101 For Children
Chapter 11: Why Child Care Deductions Are Evil But I Use Them Anyway: A Guide To Offloading Expenses On The Taxpayer
Chapter 12: Why Libertarians Make Better Parents
And she used that old excuse about how there was a problem in her family to quit her Senate campaign when it was clear she was, as the Texan saying goes, all hat and no cattle as far as the Republicans of Wyoming were concerned.
ReplyDeleteArtificial gullibility? Sexy...............
ReplyDeletePink Himalayan salt
ReplyDeleteAs fast as you can.
She'll be waiting for the stork after her water breaks.
ReplyDeleteThe Day The Clown Sneered.
ReplyDeleteHe;ll have to fight Jonah for 7 of 9. I'd slice out his backbone like a shrimp if I were Instacracker, before he could emit any lethal gasses.
ReplyDeleteI think by comparison with HIS parents, Dick Cheney is a gazillionaire.
ReplyDeleteI pulled my iHarpoon out of my dirty red iBandana...
ReplyDeleteYes, because we already dodged one bullet, and how many of those do you think we get?
ReplyDeleteNo sith...
ReplyDeleteVery funny, but that thing is nowhere near as irritating as a libertarian ;-)
ReplyDeleteHe was interviewed on the BBC last night -- my local NPR affiliate streams them from midnight to 5 am -- and although I was dozing at the time, they seemed to give him a respectful extended platform to tell the world what it needs to do to give him a job running Iraq. Media doucherie does not stop at our shores.
ReplyDeleteASIMOV'S THREE LAWS OF REPUBLICANS
ReplyDeleteFirst, a Republican shall not harm a corporation nor, through inaction, allow a corporation to come to harm
Second, a Republican shall obey any orders from a corporation, except where this would violate the First Law
Third, a Republican shall preserve his own political existence, except where this would violate the First or Second Law
I think you need to strike Asimov's name from it, but aside from that quibble, I think we're go for production models.
ReplyDeleteDiz & Lick.
ReplyDelete