The songs I discuss express support not just for pro-family social values, but also for small government and peace through strength.If this list doesn't include "Mind of a Lunatic" I call bullshit.
UPDATE. I got another nominee:
What? Admittedly his flow's a little sticky. But hell, you might say conservatives invented rap.
Guy's filling 21 days with that, errrr, content, eh? If Lady Sovereign doesn't make his top 10, I'm going over there and make discomfiting insinuations about Margaret Thatcher.
ReplyDeletepeace through strength
ReplyDeleteGangsta!
Such a fine line between "Peace through Strength" and "Race War".
ReplyDeleteWayne is great but your DJ sucks, there's no real rhythm in the turntabling. Some tech genius really should remix this track.
ReplyDeleteOne item a day, huh? Geez, make it a little more obvious that you're fishing for hits. And I love the argument behind that first one: "It mentions helping people, but not by raising taxes!"
ReplyDeleteThe obvious thing to do now is guess what ridiculous items might end up on that list. I'll start: It looks like they're going to use anything with positive references to religion, so I'm going to guess "Gangster's Paradise" or possibly "Other Side" by the Roots, if they're going for something with a little more indie cred.
There are a bunch of Talib Kweli songs they could appropriate on "pro-family" grounds - "Joy," "Never Been in Love," maybe even "Get By" if Veuger is looking to chafe me personally. I really hope something from Kweli pops up, if only because it gives me an excuse to quote a truly awesome line from "Gutter Rainbows" - "We libertarians but we not invited to tea time."
I do always enjoy how conservatives demand we "ask the rich to pay their fair share" through charity rather than taxation, i.e., in such a way that the rich can easily say "Go fuck yourself. I'm buying a third boat."
ReplyDeleteWow. I mean I knew John Wayne was kinda nuts, but this is some of the craziest ass shit I ever heard.
ReplyDeleteFuck me, a hyphen?
In rebuttal, I would like to offer by Boss, possibly the best song ever for blasting on your car stereo as you depart from your meaningless wage-slave job.
ReplyDeleteThe defense rests.
Think we can convince them that the Five Percent Nation is a group advocating flat taxation?
ReplyDeleteThe rich just believe in getting something for their money. Giving to charity means a) they can feel morally superior because they gave a million dollars to charity, unlike you commoners who give $10 at a time; and b) they get to listen to people beg for donations, flatter them, and tell them how generous they are for giving what's essentially pocket change to them.
ReplyDeleteYou see how that's way better than paying taxes. Sure, taxes go to benefit everyone, but does Uncle Sam call up rich people and say "Thank you so much for your generous donation?"
Wow. The idea that one of these dweebs would come up with 21 Greatest Conservative Rap Songs was a joke, now it's real. It's impossible to invent something too extreme to caricature these people. What next, A Boy Named Sue as a rap song about the importance of teaching kids to be manly individualists instead of weak-kneed moochers? Oops, that's number 18.
ReplyDeleteBut like that superb John Wayne NWA* find, maybe Victor Lundberg's Open Letter To My Teenage Son is another great conservative rap from the old days.
*Nob Wankers of America
Especially since you've got to get that strength through joy.
ReplyDeleteAh, John Wayne, Mr. We All Came From Someplace Else.
ReplyDeleteWell, one group, not so much. Native Americans. Yeah, they crossed the Bering bridge a few years ago, but they were pretty firmly established by the time setting of Stagecoach.
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from [the Native Americans].... Our so-called stealing of this country from them was just a matter of survival. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
Oh, and Johnny, by and large, the natives did not have quite the same concept of land ownership as normal, un-hyphenated people, and in many cases had stronger democratic societies than, say, ohh, southern baptists slaveholders, and so were a tetch confused when we commenced to slaughter. Yeah, Mr. Morrison, 'our so-called stealing' involved slaughter, imprisonment, forced assimilation (with no promise AT ALL of any place in society once assimilated).
I really liked many of his films, but IRL, he was so completely full of shit.
A hymen, according to Webster's dictionary, is a little piece of skin
ReplyDeleteTo keep the bad guys out and let the good guys in
Franco-Americans might fight with their feet,
but they'll buff that sucker with their chin.
Sorry. That was the record he made with Darby Hinton.
I like the disclaimer about "discussions about discursive practices aside." I mean, what else is there?
ReplyDeleteAlso, too, if Insane Clown Posse does not make the list, it is invalid. Fuckin' magnets...
ReplyDelete"Greatest conservative rap tunes of all time?"Seriously?
ReplyDeleteWell, that and they can write it off as a deduction. Kind of a big deal for the five-figure donations and up set.
ReplyDeleteMaybe they should look at albums. A lot of hip-hop albums are song after song about accumulating wealth, owning guns, gaining respect and power through violence, and not giving a shit what women think. But then there's frequently an absurdly pious song at the end about God or mom or whatever, to make it a little bit "conscious".
ReplyDeleteCallous wealth-hoarding and violence accompanied by insincere protestations of faith: the conservative mindset in a nutshell.
I'll be waiting for the discussion of "New Jack Hustler (Nino's Theme)" at, say, Number Eight. A capitalist migraine. So much cash gotta keep it in Hefty bags. The ends justify the means, that's the system. Cool out and watch my new Benz gleam. Talk about a conservative mission statement! Though I think Nino worked harder than most of these guys.
ReplyDeleteStill, Number One has to be "Ballad of the Green Berets," right?
I thought it was Mark Twain who first transcripted a "rap" in Huck Finn, the river-man's rhythmic monologue
ReplyDeleteAh, yes...the fabled small government that pays for its ridiculously gigantic military to maintain "peace" through strength by raising rainbow ponies who shit gold, so it doesn't have to beg for tax money from its population of dancing, carefree millionaire citizens. La, la, la...
ReplyDelete"But hell, you might say conservatives invented rap."
ReplyDeleteI particularly enjoyed hearing the Duke invent Godwin's Law, years before that DFH Godwin himself ever thought of it.
I haven't looked, but can "Can't Do Nuttin' for Ya, Man" by Public Enemy be far from the list?
ReplyDelete"White Heaven / Black Hell", on the other hand . . .
I had a freebie for Lil' Wayne in Toronto who did the maudlin song in the middle of his set; it was all about how he loved his daughter.
ReplyDeleteNaturally he followed with this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m97rhskSxJw
Don't forget (c) getting stuff named after you. Maybe the Treasury should offer building & endowment naming possibilities in exchange for large tax payments, e.g., the "Steven A. Cohen SEC Building" or the "Walton Family Chair of Joint Chiefs of Staff."
ReplyDelete"Forget oreos eat Cool J cookies" is about marketing tasty snacks.
ReplyDeleteI don't know much about rap, but I assume Public Enemy's gonna take up a number of spots on that list. Hey, they've found someone else who's afraid of a black planet! How can they resist?
ReplyDeleteArguably Cop Killer was about using your 4th amendment rights to defend against government tyranny.
ReplyDeleteConservatives didn't like that song much.
Conservatives sure do love music, what with all their sanctioned songs and stuff!
ReplyDeleteSo they'll stop blaming liberals for drive-by shootings now?
ReplyDeleteAlicuratti, prepare to have your little worlds profoundly rocked:
ReplyDeletehttp://youtu.be/MdaOT72ieXs
Given the conservative stance on public unions, pensions, funding in general, not to mention seatbelt/helmet laws that, I can only assume Fuck The Police will be near the top of the list.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think of John Wayne, I think of this bit from Repo Man
ReplyDeleteMiller:
John Wayne was a fag.
All:
The hell he was.
Miller:
He was, too, you boys. I installed two-way mirrors in his pad in Brentwood, and he come to the door in a dress.
I've actually been waiting for someone somewhere to argue that "Ya Got Trouble" from The Music Man was proto-rap.
ReplyDeleteBiggie's Ten Crack Commandments is all about the importance of small business, and how self-regulation wards off both the need for government regulation ("stay the fuck from police") and workplace incidents ("Follow these rules... if not, twenty four years, on the wake up, slug hit your temple, watch your frame shake up"). And while that's conservative enough to bring the Gipper back from the dead, there's a wonderful pro-family* sideline, with "money and blood don't mix like two dicks and no bitch".
ReplyDelete* You might have noticed that this pro-family sideline endorses misogyny and not giving your actual family any money. However, I'd like to point out, to hell with them goddamn homos.
Oly:
ReplyDeleteThat don't mean he was a homo, Miller.
Miller:
Oh, yeah?
Oly:
Sure...a lotta straight guys like to watch their buddies fuck. Don't you?
Great minds think alike: the first song that came to mind for me was "Mind Playing Tricks On Me," the Geto Boys' tribute to Jeff Godlstein:
ReplyDeleteSee, every time my eyes close
I start sweating and blood starts coming out my nose
It's somebody watching the AK
But I don't know who it is so I'm watching my back
I can see him when I'm deep in the covers
When I awake I don't see the motherfucker
If #1 on the list isn't a Kid Rock song, I'll eat my hat.
Hyphen, swastika, hammer & sickle: all basically the same.
ReplyDelete"Fuck tha Police": fetish porn.
ReplyDeleteAlso, too: "Rappin' Duke". I offer no defense for my crimes.
ReplyDeleteJohn Wayne is Big Leggy
ReplyDelete"What Is A Juggalo" - (social) libertarian values in action :)
ReplyDeleteThe first; very first comment extols the virtues of "The What" by the Notorious B.I.G."mostly for this one line: F*ck the world, don’t ask me for sh*t."
ReplyDeleteIt's the conservative credo as expressed by gangster rappers.
Conservative rap? I can't even... OK, maybe they heard the Nina Gordon version of Straight Outta Compton and blew a circuit-breaker in their brains. "Everybody likes pretty blonde folksingers-- a few bleeps and this could be on Lawrence Welk or Perry Como! "
ReplyDeleteNext month: "10 Reasons Why the Roland 909 is the Most Conservative Drum Machine".
ReplyDeleteAlso, if this doesn't make the top 10, I'm going to be severely disappointed:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etIs3IwhQAM
They like the game, as long as they can control who's playing.
ReplyDeleteMy Little Pony: Supply Side is Magic.
ReplyDelete"I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man."
ReplyDeletePlus they can make sure the money goes to a deserving cause, like a theater, or equestrian grounds, rather than to those filthy poors who need to learn the value of hard work.
ReplyDeleteUp next week: "14 speeches in Game of Thrones that reveal the Westerosi would join the Tea Party"; "Yoko Ono's 16 most Reaganesque performance pieces"; "The nine most conservative messages the peanuts in my shit have ever spelled out."
ReplyDeleteThat Playboy interview still blows my mind. I mean, obviously the guy was a miserable racist p.o.s., but I'm hard pressed to think of another movie star of his caliber who's ever come out so unapologetically like that. not even Mel Gibson is so blatant about it. Bonus quote:
ReplyDelete“I believe in white supremacy, until the blacks are educated to a point of responsibility. I don't believe giving authority and positions of leadership and judgment to irresponsible people...."
I like many of the John Ford-John Wayne films, but Wayne's politics in real life were pretty lousy. (If I followed the right-wing approach, I'd have to boycott all those movies on the grounds of thoughtcrime! Yet another reason not to go conservative…)
ReplyDeleteNigger Love a Watermelon, Ha! Ha! Ha!. 1916. It's a version of Turkey in the Straw, which was the original rap song, but not quite so.... conservative. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dD6WcR5ROLQ
ReplyDelete"Fight the Power" is really about the struggle against teacher's unions, Hollyweird, and the Gay Mafia.
ReplyDeleteHate the player, not the game.
ReplyDeleteCha-ching!
ReplyDeleteBest "fuck the system" rap song?
ReplyDeletehttp://rapgenius.com/Dead-prez-hell-yeah-lyrics
Kool G. Rap's Road to the Riches describes a sociopathic desire to accumulate wealth worthy of a Ken Lay or a Dick Cheney.
ReplyDeleteThere are a bunch of Talib Kweli songs they could appropriate...
ReplyDelete, perhaps?
They are clearly the spiritual antecedents of the 1% and thus must be respected!
ReplyDeleteFunny, I always think of John Wayne when I try to conceive of some pop cultural figure who could be pressed into service as the liberal counterpart to the conservative trope about how So and So star, who everyone just "knew" was a liberal or Democrat (Dylan, Lennon, Dr Dre, whoever), "really" was a conservative Republican.
ReplyDeleteI could easily take a few quotes from the actor and/or his characters out of context or exaggerate them, and ignore how they were meant to defuse other comments of his that showed what he actually thought, and avoid all the obvious and overwhelming material that cuts the other way, and proclaim him a lefty lib Democrat. And I could do that not only for Wayne, but for Pat Boone, or Mel Gibson, or whomever.
What I don't get is the point of it all. Why do the righties have this compulsion to claim, as the original post puts it, everyone and everything that might be seen as good for their political ideology?
If you are a conservative who likes rap, why not just say so, why try to prove that Dr Dre, of all people, is some sort of kindred spirit of yours when it comes to politics? Maybe you could say that you like hip hop cuz you like the beat and the clever word play, hell, you could just admit you like the sexy dancers and the fantasies of wealth, fame, sexual prowess, violence, etc. Maybe you could say that you liked some of those things even though you had reservations about the attitudes expressed towards the police, etc, etc.
I have heard many liberal Democrats say similar things about John Wayne. EG, I like this and that about him, but don't like the other. Or, I like his work in such and such movies, even though his politics repulses me. But they don't try to make him into a fellow traveller politically. Why can't conservatives seem to do this?
Really, doesn't it make you seem more open minded and less dogmatic if you can admit that you like some artist/art form/work of art that is associated, to whatever degree and however accurately or not, with "the other side" when it comes to politics, without having to try to convert or colonize that artist/art form/work of art to your "side?" What should be a point in your favor ends up making you look even more ideologically driven and rigid, and why would you want that?
This wins hands down.!
ReplyDelete__________________________________
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