Thursday, May 09, 2013


Shorter Charles C.W. Cooke: If Michelle Knight had voluntarily aborted, she'd be just as guilty as Ariel Castro.

UPDATE. I'm not even kidding:
Yet abortion is legal in Ohio, as everywhere else in the United States. This means that if you kill an unborn child in Ohio with the mother’s permission, it’s okay; if you do it without her permission, it’s murder. The unborn child, therefore, is only a life if the mother says it is a life. That makes no logical sense at all.
She's just a bourgeois rentier, is what, and Charles C.W. Cooke wants to nationalize her uterus. I have to hand it to him, though; if you'd told me someone would be insane enough to find an anti-abortion angle in the Cleveland horror story, I'd have predicted it would be Kathryn J. Lopez. Cooke's a real up-and-comer at National Review, and will no doubt loyally join K-Lo and Goldberg in the bunker when the suckers finally wise up and submit their publication to market forces.


  1. sharculese2:41 PM

    Fetal homicide was introduced as a common element of murder statues precisely to muddy the waters about abortion. And the result is that the people most commonly fooled by it are the new generation of anti-choice god-botherers, who are too fucking dim to survey the history of a movement that has been around for less than forty fucking years.

    Wingnuts are ignorant, sun rises in east, I drink to forget.

  2. Next, Cooke wonders when the US will go to jail for killing Iraqi babies in the womb.
    Or not.

  3. Ah, loathsome histrionics, where would National Refuse be without it? It's like they're as dumb as Juggalos (Sorry, Juggalos, I know NR are way more stupid, but don't make it so easy for me, okay).. Fucking consent, how does it work?

  4. They only care about their defintion of humans, in the womb or out of it. And even then they only care as far as required for the pretense of "care".

  5. I guess Cooke does not believe in exceptions for rape and incest. All abortions are murder. Besides, the child is a gift from God, who created new humans during the repeated rapes.
    Now, if I were a god I would have smote the rapists instead of thinking that this would be a neat time to procreate, but that is probably why I will never be a god.

  6. Halloween_Jack4:21 PM

    About the only nice thing you can say about The Corner is what's on it's masthead: "The one and only" [emphasis mine].

  7. One thing is crystal clear from Cooke's rhetoric and the utter absence of empathy he displays for these women: he doesn't give a shit about their suffering or their miscarriages, he only cares about using this as an issue to beat liberals with.

    Sociopath much?

  8. I just can't even.

    He's really disgusting.

  9. coozledad5:04 PM

    I know what you mean about that never being a god thing. If my kid had caused as many casualties as that Jesus punk, the neighborhood association and human services would be all over my ass for kicking his balls until he talked funny.

  10. Halloween_Jack5:56 PM

    At least Juggalos have an anthem titled "Fuck the World", so points for honesty there.

  11. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard6:06 PM

    Is there any horror, no matter how bad, that they can't make even worse?

  12. Jay B.6:11 PM

    Similarly, if Navy SEALS agree to be waterboarded during their training, how is it illegal to drown people while torturing them?

  13. That was what stuck out to me, too.

  14. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard7:31 PM

    Disqus probably filters out identical comments to prevent mass spammings.

  15. Larry from Tacoma8:03 PM

    & doesn't that fit with the pro-lifer's veneration of life up till the moment of birth?

  16. Were we actually living in civilized times, Mr. Castro would have been
    arrested, and tried within the week, had his appeal denied by the
    Supreme Court the following week and been put to death shortly

    Pfft, bloody Republicans. They think that the government is incapable of doing anything right, except when it comes to putting people to death, on which subject it is apparently infallible.

  17. BigHank538:31 PM

    Funny, I don't recall this argument from Iran-Contra, Watergate, the Keating Five, or Valerie Plame's outing.

  18. JennOfArk8:58 PM

    I remain committed to the idea that the most, and perhaps only appropriate masthead for The Corner would be a picture of Jonah sitting in one on a stool, with a dunce cap on his head.

  19. Provider_UNE10:18 PM

    Gonna blow off the masthead on this critter (been there, done that, save to note Krauthammer"s: "Obama's pink line on Damascus".)

    On to the first:

    My goodness me, we’re confused on the issue of life.
    As it is baseball season, and I love the game, I might posit that if Aaron had seen one of these pitches over the plate half the times he appeared he would have knocked fifteen thousand out of the park. One might also observe yet another case of unintentionally speaking the truth as it really is....brb, gotta check on dinner...was freaking delicious...and I learned a few things along the way...Now where were we? Ah yes...With increasing frequency it appears that it has become a penchant for partisan conservatives to speak the truth out loud (figuring that the true failful {was gonna fix that one, but have decided to let it hang around} will respond to

    in the usual fashion to a dogwhistle that normals (i.e. the rest of us) can hear.

    Of course a clown car parade that believes lastocysts are sacred, yet breathing humans and starving children are not is gonna be a might confused on the issue of life.

    If I might attempt to add to the lexicon, I would like to call this single sentence an example of "inadblurtant." Usage: "He inadblurtantly let the cat out of the bag."


  20. A Palin passing the bar?

    Haha! I'm sure you took the bottle.


  21. Jonah making a stool. On his keyboard.

  22. Provider_UNE10:36 PM

    Sociopathalogica Uber Alles!!!

    I realize that i may have mexed metaphors and violated Godwin.

    As it is wrong to be right, I will retreat to my corner.


  23. tigrismus10:36 PM

    Strange definition of "civilized" he has, too. Mine would probably have something to say about fair trials that take however long they take for justice to be done.

  24. ....broods on image of k-lo in juggalo facepaint....

  25. AGoodQuestion12:19 AM

    Starting off the post with "my goodness me." I'd say Cooke sounds like the Niles to George Will's Frasier, except I like the Crane brothers.

    May deal with the substance of his argument, once I find my rubber gloves and tongs.

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  27. AGoodQuestion12:24 AM

    he doesn't give a shit about their suffering or their miscarriages, he only cares about using this as an issue to beat liberals with.

    The one heartening thing is that I'm nearly positive this beatdown is as ill-advised and ill-timed as it is repugnant. Some people may be impressed by your moral clarity if you equate every woman who terminates her pregnancy with slave-raper Ariel Castro, but those are all friends that TNR and its backers already have.

  28. wileywitch1:08 AM

    Forced pregnancy is slavery. He and Ariel Castro are two peas trying to force their way into making a woman their pod. He should keep his sperm in his pocket if he's so concerned about what happens to it once it makes its way into a woman.

  29. Halloween_Jack1:15 AM

    We don't know for a fact that she doesn't go to the annual Gathering, do we?

  30. redoubt1:37 AM

    Jonah making a stool. On his keyboard.

    "Content" before cleanliness.

  31. redoubt1:50 AM

    Now he can order business cards:

    Charles C.W. Cooke, science attache', Republic of Gilead.

  32. montag21:59 AM

    This seems to be yet another variant of the right-wing "blame the victim" routine which has become a staple of our public discourse. Limbaugh, the fat-assed petty tyrant of the airwaves, was on a similar rant about the kidnapping victims in the last couple of days.

    One would think that the degree to which conservatives despise women would have some overall effect on their ability to reproduce, but, somehow, they just keep on coming.

    That's the truly puzzling aspect of this, rather than why they think as they do. We know why they think as they do. Why their views don't have broader consequences for them is a mystery. Maybe it's another aspect of the institutional insanity that in my darker reflective moments I think has this country in an iron grip.

  33. Dex... you are an evil, evil creature. Thanks for the nightmare fuel.

  34. Well, how different are the god-botherers, really, from Ariel Castro? They both want to possess, imprison, and sexually objectify women.

  35. Well, sure, a kangaroo court, with only a week to gather evidence, a pre-determined denial of appeal with little time to consider it, and a death sentence carried out forthwith. He might as well just say he wants to return to the days when due process was only provided to criminals we can stomach.

    It's amazing how the right wing holds such disdain for the principles of the justice system.

  36. Really? Limbaugh was ranting about the victims? No, please don't tell me I really don't think I could stomach it.

  37. Interrobang10:21 AM

    Damn, dudes, lay off the poor Juggalos. ICP lyrics are actually way cleverer than Jonah could ever hope to be, and I've never seen such an effective tool for disarming the divide-and-conquer types who want to take young disaffected poor white kids and turn them into the next generation of embittered entitled racist white people.

    I live close enough to Detroit for ICP to have been a thing on my radar since the first 3 digits of the year were a 1, a 9, and a 9, by the way, so I kinda know whereof I speak. And "Fuck the World" is a hilarious song. (How can you *not* like a song that contains the lines "Fuck Nugent, like anybody gives a fuck/You like to hunt a lot, so fuckin' what?")

  38. If ICP and Nugent could just both fornicate the fuck off to their respective idiot bases, I think I'd be able to stop this bleeding my ears are suffeieng and the mush my brain is turning into. So I appaud your strategy of making them fight it out.

  39. Origami_Isopod11:28 AM

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate!

  40. KatWillow1:21 PM

    Even tho I'm an atheist, I think its a bit unfair to blame Jesus for the behavior of her ersatz followers. His philosophy was basically good, if un-practicable.

  41. KatWillow1:23 PM

    I must get that song on iTunes.

  42. KatWillow1:23 PM


  43. KatWillow1:24 PM

    That's what God created women for.

  44. KatWillow1:27 PM

    During Bush II's reign I used to marvel at however ghastly their behavior was, they could always top it with even worse. Who is worse, Harriet Miers or Jon Roberts? Hard to say, especially as Miers didn't get the appointment due to being a GIRL.

  45. KatWillow1:30 PM

    Chances are they're the Perps. Consider the bankers and Wall Streeters. And Congressmen.

  46. It's annual? Huh. I guess that explains how they got sequels and a TV series out of Highlander.

  47. KatWillow1:36 PM

    Right now the MOTUs are aiding and supporting the RW loons, seeing them as useful tools. And they have been useful. Most still respond when their paymasters yank the chain. It'll be interesting when they really get out of control

  48. Bitter Scribe1:43 PM

    This surprises you? I've been waiting for that shoe to drop for days. It's not even the most obnoxious response to the Cleveland tragedy I've seen. (That would be, "Well, they could have escaped if they'd really wanted to.")

  49. coozledad2:14 PM

    I don't really blame Jesus, it's more of a rhetorical pose. But if the King James Edition is to be believed, there's a bit of a hinky side to young son of man. If he's a historical figure, he's got a little too much nobodaddy to him, which makes him seem quite a bit less loving and forgiving than he's currently imagined to be.

    My understanding of Rome at the dawn of the spread of Christianity gives me the impression of an equestrian class and an emerging merchant class sufficiently wealthy and bored to experiment with any shamanistic crystals-up-the-ass crap anyone cared to peddle. The fertility cult was probably what dragged most of them in, but that's not discussed much anymore except by the fundies, who are increasingly returning to the cockcentrism of the early Christians.

  50. My goodness me! (Seriously, who the fuck writes like that?)

  51. Oh my ears and whiskers!

  52. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard3:15 PM

    Jug-K-Lo? Well, the ICP did come out a evangelical christians, oddly enough.

  53. Gromet3:45 PM

    The more Roy brings these rightbloggers to my attention, the more it seems they deal with reality by first ignoring it, then generating a bunch of a priori principles about its operation, and finally attacking reality for not matching these perfect principles. Cooke's blergh is a good illustration. Here's a guy who doesn't look at the world and ask "How can we make it a little easier with practical solutions that actual individuals can live with?" but instead exclaims "BLERGH no one is doing what I think should be done, HOW ILLOGICAL." (But instead of a Spocklike fascinated raised eyebrow, an obsessive Ahabian scowl.)

  54. fredfnord4:56 PM

    Naw. Redundancy. If that's what the CONTENT is, you don't want to repeat it in the masthead.

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  56. tigrismus8:12 PM

    The problem might be the Jesus kid took after his dad too much. Unless you drowned the whole world or ordered your followers to brain infants, coozlekid has had a better role model.

  57. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard8:23 PM

    Just be glad Professor Armitage iced his twin brother.

  58. tigrismus8:47 PM

    Yeah, he would've been tough to crucify...

  59. Tudor Jennings10:33 PM

    Hey, if she didn't want the baby she could have just "thought-aborted" it.
    That's a real thing.
    I heard some guy on the tv talk about it.

  60. BigHank5310:46 PM

    Harriet Miers was never intended as a serious nominee. Harriet Miers was chum, intended to draw the sharks of the op-ed page away from the stinking corpse of New Orleans. Worked, too.

  61. Hattie12:01 AM

    This made me laugh. I'm so ashamed.

  62. AngryWarthogBreath12:02 AM

    Wingnuts; ignorant.
    The sun rises in the east.
    I drink, to forget.


    ("IT'S JUST A SENRYU" shut up there's nature imagery in the sunrise and I think the tone change in the last line makes for a kireji.)

  63. AngryWarthogBreath12:09 AM

    "My goodness me, we're confused on the issue of life" sounds like it should be followed by a sound that could be written "nyeheh" and drawn out for five syllables. Picture Patton Oswalt, he could do it brilliantly.

  64. That is the best way of putting it that I've ever heard.

  65. reallyaimai11:24 AM

    If you read man boobz you will see that the MRA response is " feminism made Castro do it" because feminists are do powerful they made a world in which men are not powerful. Also women insisted on being their own heroes and do no men were around to rescue them. In sum the bitches got what they deserved.

  66. The Dark Avenger7:53 PM

    She's got problems.

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  68. Randy Gibbons11:46 AM

    [T]aking up the job feels kind of like being the best friend and roommate of a party-hearty girl who upchucks her innards out night after night but just won’t lay off the booze. Okay, I guess I’ll hold your hair and even clean up the vomit sometimes, but I’m also going to start giving you some straight talk, because this is ridiculous. And no way am I paying for your habit.

    What a chump. I figure it's easier to appear to listen to her stern lecture than to clean up my own vomit.