Thursday, February 28, 2013

MAN BOOB.

John Hawkins breaks it down: Men enjoyed recreational fistfights and gunplay for centuries but, around the time Raiders of the Lost Ark came out, for some unspecified reason they stopped and, no longer being able to relate to action movies, became emasculated.

A few generations before that, women started getting educations and jobs, which was either a retroactive secondary cause of this emasculation or just made it worse. In any case you'll all be sorry.

Conclusion: Civilization is for pussies.

(We have ought to rewrite the old saw for this crew: First time as farce, second and every subsequent time as farce.)

UPDATE. Guess we'll have to quote some Hawkins, because commenters have referred to it. Brace yourselves:
Some of us take martial arts classes or go to the firing range, which is fine as far as it goes, but it’s often like practicing for a game you’ll never play. Chances are, you’ll probably go your whole life without shooting anyone or having to defend yourself from a thug trying to beat you to death on the street.
Substance McGravitas: "OMG I have gone my whole life without shooting anyone! I need a hug. WAIT NO, I need to shoot someone." Michael Søndberg Olson: "Yeah, Hawkins really enjoyed gouging my eye out, and then I made a drive-by of his shack and killed his daughter-wife. And now we're tit-deep in spraying cocks!"

331 comments:

  1. What is the greater historical tragedy, the destruction of the Library of Alexandria or that "The Pussification of the Western Male" is no longer easily available on the Internets?

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  2. It always comes down to 80s action films with those guys, doesn't it?

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  3. montag27:41 PM

    So, this is all Karen Allen's fault?

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  4. wileywitch7:45 PM

    "So what do most men do today to express those manly impulses?"

    Well, some of them open fire in the workplace, a mall, a church, an elementary school. To celebrate that, other men walk around with lethal weapons to let other people know that they don't think they're like the guys that actually shoot random people or kill their families, they're the guys that fantasize about killing the mass murderer who is in touch with his "manly impulses" or protecting their family from the dreaded "others" so we should be grateful that men celebrating weapons and freedom and protectin' are ready to defend us all from the mass murderer, the swarthy hordes, and the lone mad-men. We should take comfort when we see menz in public with rifles and not be so stupid as to think they could be threatening.

    So all you people worrying about gun violence just give the fuck up, because the menz going to do whatever the fuck the menz want to do, and if anyone looks like they might challenge the menz ability to do whatever the fuck they want to do, whenever the fuck, and however the fuck they want then the menz will be menacing as they please and call it something like "celebrating freedom"--- their freedom, of course, who the fuck else counts? Fuck everyone who steps back in the face of menz expressing their willingness to use deadly force at all times and all places as if carrying a gun actually meant something other than whatever whoever carries it wants it to mean. It's like everybody who feels threatened by lethal weapons being carried around like a bagged lunch is walking around in the wrong head--- they're own.

    Others follow more conventional manly impulses by beating, threatening death, and sometimes even killing their female partners, children and others.

    The beneficial men, don't make violence a part of their daily lives or identities. Very nice to be around those beneficial men. They don't go looking for trouble. They're intelligent. They're responsible. They're considerate. They're safe. They're fun. They're sexy.

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  5. XeckyGilchrist7:52 PM

    Wait, that's not THIS Hawkins, is it?

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  6. GaryO8:13 PM

    "First time as farce, second and every subsequent time as farce."

    But the second and every subsequent time need to include the farce multiplier, which raises the comedy exponentially.

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  7. nilsey8:24 PM

    i trust you've seen manboobz.com? worth a look.

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  8. So his basic thesis is that all the men are going Galt?

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  9. "Men enjoyed recreational fistfights and gunplay for centuries"

    Yeah, Hawkins really enjoyed gouging my eye out, and then I made a drive-by of his shack and killed his daughter-wife. And now we're tit-deep in spraying cocks!

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  10. FMguru8:31 PM

    Even more chilling: Steven Den Beste's “Anglo Women are an Endangered Species” seems to have disappeared from the internet, except for a few excerpts mockingly quoted here and there.


    Is this how it felt when they burned down the Great Library in Alexandria?

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  11. Sgaile-beairt8:32 PM

    like the rIchter scale!!

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  12. Best site for non-insecure males to read. Or for guys like me who are insecure for a slew of other reasons, but otherwise have their head on straight. Or gay. Or however the Weather-cock may swivel.

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  13. Roy's best known now as "The Rod Dreher Expert" but he's also famous as the translator of USS Clueless to Somewhat Sane.

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  14. FMguru9:11 PM

    There was much that was terrible about Indiana Jones 4.


    But seeing Karen Allen again almost made up for all of it.

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  15. wileywitch9:22 PM

    "We're tit-deep in spraying cocks!" should be on a coffee mug. What a conversation starter!

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  16. Or ender. Or non-plusser. Or any of the above, really. But it's gosh-darn effective.

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  17. Seriously, Karen Allen.... For how much longer must I yearn. Hey, first movie crush! And who are you to judge! And I... almost made a rhyme.

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  18. The Dark Avenger9:33 PM

    Until rifling was introduced for pistols and the like, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with one unless it was about 10 feet from you. This was true until the middle of the 19th Century, if I'm not mistaken.

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  19. I have better aim than most moist men, then.

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  20. jessica valenti: ah, john hawkins. again we see that there is nothing masculine you possess which i cannot take away.

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  21. calling all toasters9:47 PM

    "The average man may have seen hundreds of thousands of murders on his TV screen and committed tens of thousands more playing video games, but he has also probably never struck another human being in anger in his entire adult lifetime."


    And he says this with regret... For his next trick, watch him claim that guns don't kill people, video games kill people.

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  22. Some of us take martial arts classes or go to the firing range, which is
    fine as far as it goes, but it’s often like practicing for a game
    you’ll never play. Chances are, you’ll probably go your whole life
    without shooting anyone or having to defend yourself from a thug trying
    to beat you to death on the street.



    OMG I have gone my whole life without shooting anyone!


    I need a hug.


    WAIT NO, I need to shoot someone.

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  23. Uh, yes... What the hell is that about?

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  24. The wimp who feels uncomfortable asserting his authority isn’t ready to be a good dad.


    Life lessons from Manly Man John Hawkins.
    ~

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  25. BigHank5310:34 PM

    Fuck, Hawkins is late to the party. There's plenty of heroic grizzling about how everybody's gone soft in the frakking Epic of Gilgamesh, for crying out loud. If he's gotta recycle crap, maybe he should pick something less than 2800 years old, eh?

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  26. XeckyGilchrist10:38 PM

    Some of us take martial arts classes


    One suspects this is stretching the word "us" much further than two letters can ordinarily handle.

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  27. Vaseline Machine Gun! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tew_fIhz3eY

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  28. BigHank5310:41 PM

    Why doesn't he save a whole lot of time and punch the fuck out of himself?

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  29. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard10:58 PM

    Some of us take martial arts classes or go to the firing range, which is
    fine as far as it goes, but it’s often like practicing for a game
    you’ll never play.



    Wotta dumbass, the fighting or shooting is the game. I don't go to the dojo because I think I'm going to get jumped, I go because I actually enjoy the physical act of fighting, Fighting is like fucking, it's best done with someone you have a high regard for who has your best interest at heart and excels at performing.

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  30. Conclusion: Civilization is for pussies.

    Which brings me to my basic question for this type of guy: if civilization is really so terrible, then why don't you just fuckin' leave it? There are so many zones of this world where civilization barely exists. Why not head for one of those? You could get involved with drug running in certain areas of Mexico. You could sell guns to folks in Pakistan or Yemen. You could just start murdering people near your home. Honestly, there are so many outlets for violence if you just seek them out. Why whine about it? Why not just live the life you say you desire?

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  31. beejeez11:09 PM

    I thought real men didn't whine.

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  32. Haystack11:13 PM

    Pistols at dawn, Hawkins!

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  33. ...and to hear the lamentation of the wingnuts.

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  34. Fats Durston11:25 PM

    Robert Baden-Powell (Boy Scouts inventor), in 1908:

    Remember that the Roman Empire ... fell ... chiefly because the young Romans gave up soldiering and manliness altogether; they paid men to play their games for them, so that they themselves could look on without the fag [ed.: Tee-Hee]of playing, just as we are doing in football now. ... Don't be disgraced like the young Romans, who lost the Empire of their forefathers by being wishy-washy slackers..."

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  35. BigHank5311:25 PM

    should be on a coffee mug


    Shit, I'm considering a tattoo.

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  36. My Army service fulfilled all of those needs.

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  37. LookWhosInTheFreezer11:47 PM

    I could also see this across the mat of a UFC ring.

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  38. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:07 AM

    Enkidu's never been the same since the "Queer Eye" team gave him a makeover.

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  39. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:11 AM

    He desires that life for you, not himself.

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  40. wileywitch12:19 AM

    That's apparently all the guys who are worried about being "real men" do. Men who don't feel the need to lay claim to their manhood by being dicks obsessed with base and pedestrian caricatures of "manliness" can just get on with their lives and be comfortable around people who don't want to be dominated and don't want to have a contest with every man whose path they cross.


    Most women would rather get a divorce than be a stay at home mom even in a good relationship these days, so in the future we can expect more high, nasally whines about how there aren't any women around who are good enough for them.

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  41. Halloween_Jack1:01 AM

    I, in fact, have been attacked on the street--not mugged, not in a street fight, just jumped, apparently because I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I escaped with minor injuries and my attacker escaped without my being able to identify him, not that the police seemed to expend much effort or attention in doing so, apparently having bigger fish to fry (or easier ones to catch). I did learn an important lesson that day, one that I don't expect John Hawkins to ever, ever learn because he's just that sort of keyboard kommando.

    And that is: fuck the Age of Manly Men, because it's a crock of shit. Any situation which justifies the use of deadly force is one in which you yourself are or soon will be on the receiving end of similar force, by someone who has the advantage of surprise. Hawkins no doubt imagines that he'd be able to get a clean draw on the guy while pretending to take out his wallet or something; he's probably got the whole scenario mapped out like Ralphie in A Christmas Story, taking out Black Bart and his backyard thugs with his Red Ryder BB gun. He doesn't imagine someone throwing something hard and kind of weighty at the back of his head, which he can't dodge because, like me and every other actual living person, he doesn't have a spider-sense or radar-like ability honed by years of study with blind Zen archers.

    And, you know, I'm pretty glad that I didn't have a gun in that situation, because I might have ended up hurting or killing someone with it while I was still stunned, most likely not the person who attacked me. Or, you know, they could have taken it from me when I was still dazed, and used it against me or someone else. That's not the sort of Manly Man scenario that someone like Hawkins fantasizes about (really, all that you need to know about the sort of thing that he does fantasize about is encapsulated in his use of Marv from Sin City as the illustrative photo to his post, or the list of movies below it: "Die Hard, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lethal Weapon, First Blood, and 300". None of which starred anyone remotely like John Hawkins, but never mind that). And, you know, something tells me that deep down inside, even a no-hoper like Hawkins realizes that. That's why he fantasizes about heroes that, in terms of realism, may as well be Spider-Man or Daredevil.

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  42. Halloween_Jack1:05 AM

    This comic, panel 4, happy to help.

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  43. Formerly_Nom_De_Plume1:36 AM

    And now we're tit-deep in spraying cocks!
    I don't even know what this means, but it's awesome.

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  44. Guns are largely worthless for self-defense. Not that shitheads like Hawkins care. Their fantasies involve mowing down hordes of swarthy home invaders who are rushing their suburban 2 bed 1 and a half bath castle. These are the kind of guys who play Call of Duty and think combat is actually like that.

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  45. Megalon2:01 AM

    As if a tub of blubber like Chickenhawkins would last five minuets in the sort of wold he yearns for. You know John, if you want to live the masculine dream there's nothing stopping you from joining the Marines or becoming a mercenary soldier or a hitman or a fighter in an underground bloodsport tournament. All this whining and whimpering is more than a little unmanly. Talk is cheap! How about some action?

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  46. Spaghetti Lee2:17 AM

    This sort of thing is the pinnacle of the conservative non-self-awareness olympics. John Hawkins, from what I can tell, spends his time either whining on the internet about people being mean to him or sucking up to politicians, businessmen, and other people whose power depends on civilization existing. He does not appear to have the skills or the physique needed to survive in the barbarian-anarchy world he dreams of. Does he honestly, sincerely think he would?

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  47. Throughout most of America’s history, the average man could more easily
    relate to the experiences in those movies the way someone who shoots
    hoops at the park could relate to watching a NBA game. Sure, they might
    not be able to do what they were seeing on the screen, but they were
    well acquainted with violence. Either they had inflicted it, suffered it
    or seen it up close and personal.


    I think I already told the story of my "up close and personal" encounter with violence here. If I didn't, the short version is that late one night while I was taking out the garbage, I thought I heard shouting coming from the window of the apartment across the hall from mine. When I got back upstairs, I listened outside the door for a little while, but didn't hear anything else. I decided not to call the cops (and I'm still kicking myself for not doing that), but left my door ajar and kept an ear open. Five minutes later, I heard the door to the other apartment open with a bang. I ran to the door, and saw my neighbor, a woman in her early 20s, half-crawling, half-running out of her apartment trying to escape her drunk, furious boyfriend. I moved in between them and told her to get in my apartment. I went in behind her and bolted the door. While we were waiting for the cops to show up, she told me that he had come home drunk, started roughing her up, and when she tried to hide in the bathroom, he kicked the door in to get at her. That was what I had heard when I was taking out the garbage.

    Seeing violence up close and personal didn't make me a strong man. Seeing violence up close and personal didn't make me a brave man. Seeing violence up close and personal didn't make me a manly man. Seeing violence up close and personal made me upset, fearful, and a little ashamed of myself.

    But that's not what's relevant here. What's relevant here is that for me to have seen that violence up close and personal to begin with, my neighbor had to live through that violence. She was the one who was beaten, who was put in fear for her life, and she is the one who has to live with the consequences. But for Internet Tough Guy John Hawkins, her pain and suffering don't enter into it. For Internet Tough Guy John Hawkins, the only consequence of violence worth talking about is the frisson he gets from fantasizing about it. Internet Tough Guy John Hawkins is, to put it bluntly, a repulsive sack of shit.

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  48. "Too bad the American people don't know you like I do, Valenti."

    "Yes, too bad. You could warn them... if only you spoke Hovitos controlled the media."

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  49. Anonymous3:12 AM

    I'm impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I come across a blog that's both equally educative and interesting, and without a doubt, you have hit the nail
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  50. montag23:42 AM

    Too bad Baden-Powell never figured out that being a slacker is just about the only rational response to empire.

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  51. montag23:48 AM

    So, the takeaway for Hawkins should be: "you'll shoot yer eye out."

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  52. Good point at the end there, and one that unfortunately applies to conservative politics as well. Doesn't matter how many furriner civilians die, how many families torn apart or lives destroyed or how much misery created, as long as the chickenhawks in the NR staff room get the vicarious manly thrill of being on the winning side (by which I mean hiding behind a multi-trillion-dollar war machine that does the winning for them).

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  53. montag23:54 AM

    "Action? Action? I'll show you action!" [Heaves self up from armchair, waddles to refrigerator, retrieves beer, waddles back, falls into armchair with a sharp, wheezing exhalation of breath, and with a groan, picks up Gameboy controller and resumes play, immediately lost in fantasy.]


    It's all in the wrist.

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  54. bourbaki5:26 AM

    I tell you what, ever since they took the lead out of gasoline this country has gone straight down the shitter.

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  55. smut clyde6:14 AM

    Inanna! Worse than Yoko Ono!

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  56. smut clyde6:16 AM

    Yes. That is the Hawkins who misses the opportunity to "defend yourself from a thug trying to beat you to death on the street."

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  57. Wedgies ARE a form assault. But responding with deadly force isn't really proportional

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  58. aimai6:33 AM

    Can he explain why he didn't join blackwater and kill as many people as he wanted, for pay? Would that have been impure, somehow?

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  59. Yeah, because he would only be allowed to kill the people he'd been paid to kill. And his aim is weak.

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  60. Dennis6:43 AM

    Our Vice President, Sheriff Joe BIden:

    I did one of these town-hall meetings on the Internet and one guy said,
    "Well, what happens when the end days come? What happens when there's the earthquake? I live in California, and I have to protect myself."

    I said, "Well, you know, my shotgun will do better for you than your AR-15, because you want to keep someone away from your house, just fire the shotgun through the door."


    Mr. "manly impulses" protecting his family from "others". Sounds like he's a big fan of Oscar Pistorius. The guy heading the Obama's gun control initiative. Silence from you and everyone else here.


    Selective outrage is pretty fun, isn't it?

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  61. It's fun to laugh at you, sure. Selective? I don't really choose what to laugh at. The guffaws come naturally. It's when the brain is tickled and sends signals to the dia... Oh, wait. You're one of those "MY GUNS ARE GETTIN' GRABBED!" people, aren't you? Well, I'd usually engage in debate, but in your case.... I wouldn't trust you with scissors.

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  62. chuckling7:08 AM

    Living in New York, I've seen up close and personal what happens during large scale disasters. People come together and help each other and work real hard to get the community back on its feet.

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  63. Dennis7:14 AM

    You're a very strange person, Mike, and no, I'm not a "MY GUNS ARE GETTIN' GRABBED!" person. Joe Biden is an idiot, that's all. Liberals don't care though, as long as he's a liberal. Suddenly the gun debate that's been in the closet the last four years has become real, and liberals have their speaking voice about it once again and they have their foils and their favorites they love to bash. Except when the guy on their side says idiotic things, though, they all turn into deaf-mutes. Or, like you, they go into verbal jujitsu trying to defend his idiocy.

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  64. I'm not a liberal. (Big hint, look at my name, I'M NOT EVEN AMERICAN!)And Joe Biden has many examples of idiocy. I wasn't defending him, I was putting things plainly.

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  65. Dennis7:24 AM

    That's the opposite of what you guys are doing here, chuckling.

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  66. Dennis7:28 AM

    I was putting things plainly.


    No you weren't. You were being a smart-ass snark making projections about things you want to get off your chest and assumed things about me that you no fucking clue whether they were true or not. I don't care that you characterize me as someone you hate based on one comment, do that to your heart's content, but make no mistake about it, you were not putting things plainly.

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  67. You called me a liberal, so who is making assumptions? And yeah, my ass IS smarter than you, PREDICATED on your responses so far. Don't know if it's snarkier, I'd have to check. Or is that unfair verbal-juijitsu? How about you answering a simple question: What do you have against gun control that leaves out the GOOD reasons to own a gun?

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  68. Doghouse Riley7:36 AM

    When that dude hits a key on his keyboard it stays hit.

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  69. Huh?
    How? No, seriously, explicate. (You owe me another word)

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  70. Dennis7:55 AM

    You called me a liberal


    Actually, I didn't. Go back and re-read it. I said you engage in a practice much like liberals do. And on that note, you continue it with the "my ass is smarter than you" response. You act like a liberal, you side with liberals, but your sensitivities are offended at the slightest hint that you may have just been called a liberal, as if that's a really bad thing. That's pretty strange. Why don't you just come out of the closet and be yourself, you'll be a lot happier.

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  71. Dennis7:59 AM

    I don't owe you anything, except possibly my gratitude for a good laugh.


    No one here is coming together to help each other and working real hard to get the community back on its feet. Everyone is drawing battle lines, pretending they're on the correct side, ridiculing the other side, ignoring idiocy and futility and preening done by advocates for their side, and in the end, just muddying the waters so that nothing concrete or meaningful ends up happening, other than a bigger divide and greater animosity.

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  72. Dennis, Dennis, Dennis,,,, To me, being a liberal IS a bad thing, But not a deadly infection. They are people who can reason and think. And are you really trying to make joke where the put-down is that I'm gay? I'm not, as it happens, but I'm not panicky about being called it. There's a "give a shit" portion in the human contract you've never read. Oh, and how about answering the goddamn question?

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  73. Yes, we are. There's these icons you can press, to upvote or downvote a comment. Or are you saying that we should solve all the world's problems in one comment-thread? I admire your ambition, but it's a tad misplaced.

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  74. Leeds man8:20 AM

    Nice Sumery.

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  75. Yes, Dennis, whine about how liberals use that nasty sarcasm and mockery. Try to be extra-thin-skinned. That will convince us all that you're really, truly a manly man, ready to get into a fight at a moments notice.

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  76. redoubt8:46 AM

    Sort of on topic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDwRkc3g_Nk

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  77. Dennis8:49 AM

    No to your first question, and I'd like to see you beg a little bit more for an answer to the second.

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  78. edroso8:50 AM

    Selective outrage is pretty fun, isn't it? Silence from you and everyone else here.


    What you call "selective outrage" we call "freedom of choice," pinko! When you have your own website, you can dictate the terms of fun-making there. Try it -- they're free to make, thanks to liberal internet snark subsidies.

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  79. Dennis8:53 AM

    ....extra consideration given for doing it in all caps.

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  80. Dennis8:56 AM

    Shorter atheist: hey, nothing to add, but let me get in here, too.

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  81. Oh, you're not serious. Your'e just doing it for the LOL's!
    I'm suddenly a teenager again and arguing with idocy. Next, I'll be shaking hands with danger,

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  82. Yeah, he really stole your job, there, didn't he?

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  83. If you're really such a manly guy, then why are you afraid of a blog for goodness sakes? Or was your only point that, uh, Biden does it too or something - I'm not even clear what your point was.

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  84. Pretty cool video, though that music is actually a bit mellow for the images.

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  85. What disaster? What community? Did our propane grill get knocked over?


    Quit the high dudgeon Broderism. We can see it through your Dockers.

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  86. "Liberal" doesn't have the same meaning worldwide, Dennis. You're making a dumb provincial assumption.

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  87. redoubt9:19 AM

    Um, he might miss?

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  88. Dennis9:21 AM

    You see, though, Roy, chuckling below is calling it people coming together and working real hard and helping each other to get the community back on its feet.

    I like the freedom of choice thing, though. I like that a lot.

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  89. Dennis9:30 AM

    No, it's just that I didn't address you at first and you jumped in preconceived notions and arrogance and then started making demands that I answer your questions in a serious manner, as if you were the adult. That us what liberals do when they're among sympathetic and pack-mentality liberals on liberal blogs when they know the blog- owner is watching.

    Just say it, Michael. "I.....am.....a...... Liberal."

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  90. The hell? Have you seen a doctor?

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  91. mortimer9:36 AM

    Sadly, Roy's link is to a discussion of another essay by du Toit, which had little of the charm and zest of the original. I saved a copy years ago, but I am, alas, blogless. But fear not, I found The Pussification Of The Western Male in all its glory here. Du Toit should sue Hawkins for plagiarism -- Hawkins even emulated its structure, for want of a better word.

    Its coruscating magnificence can still produce one of the biggest and best WTF's of the Internet Age.

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  92. Yes.... yess... you have me quivering,,, I am in fact more to the right than I am.. Wait...huh? Pack-mentality?

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  93. Dennis9:47 AM

    You know what, it's Friday and I actually am wearing Dockers today. Laughing at myself.

    I suspect your distaste for Broderism lies in the fact that it disgusts you to have to admit that the politicians on your side are ineffective presenters playing a win-lose game of nothing more than self-survival, and you know if you collectively did admit it, it would help the gun debate, but you know it goes against your fighting instincts. So you basically just go along with what Biden and Obama want you to do and stick your head in the sand when they say and do idiotic things. If someone tells you that, put up the Heisman and call it concern-trolling from a Broderite. Rinse and repeat.

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  94. Dennis9:56 AM

    I think Joe Biden is a bigger idiot than Sarah Palin was on her worst day, and I think you know that and I think you know that he's theist person that should be the point person for Obama's gun control initiatives and that what he's been saying lately us a lot more harmful than what John Hawkins says.

    You know all of this, atheist. But you would never admit it. It's not who you are and it's certainly not what you do.

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  95. Hey, Dennis, buddyboy. I have distaste for all politicians, I'm with ya on that, even though you can't get a joke. And stop babbling.

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  96. BigHank5310:00 AM

    Now you know why Paul was so down on the whole idea of temple prostitutes. None o' that civilizin' crap for him!

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  97. "I think Joe Biden is a bigger idiot than Sarah Palin was on her worst day, and I think you know that"


    I think you just wet yourself. The third time.

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  98. Dennis10:08 AM

    Michael, I know you got the mention from Roy on this blog thread and you're probably all excited and stuff and feel a little bit of ownership and all that, but seriously, this is all in good fun, so knock off the self-importance and the stupid demands as if you make the rules, how about it?

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  99. glennisw10:15 AM

    I love the "silence from you" rebuke. It's hilarious. Like you are entitled to know what every commenter here expresses everywhere in their lives, and are entitled to judge them.

    Yes, Dennis, we have failed to live up to your moral standards by not going off-topic in this post to express the thoughts you think we should express.


    Wanker.

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  100. glennisw10:17 AM

    Terribly sorry we are failing your lofty standards, Dennis. Maybe you should go fuck off somewhere else.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Dennis10:19 AM

    Yeah, pack mentality. Look how you all jump in to get each other's backs. I'd say it's amazing to observe if it wasn't so common. The mentality is never 'I disagree with much of what he said but he does have a point', it's always 'no, he can't get away with disagreeing with what we're doing and I like the guy he just blasted, so I have to jump in here and protect my blog-buddy from further embarrassment'.

    ReplyDelete
  102. How many backs do I have to get?
    Do I win a prize if I catch them all? Are they Pokemonsters? Again, an answer would be nice.

    ReplyDelete
  103. The Dark Avenger10:36 AM

    How about you get off the iPad get back to your job at the bank, so that your employer gets some work out of you today?

    ReplyDelete
  104. The Dark Avenger10:50 AM

    Here's a good takedown of said essay:

    But du Toit’s essay is brilliant in a way he probably never intended—it’s a masterpiece of self-confirmation. His main thesis is that Western males are becoming wimps, and his essay itself proves that there is at least some truth in the thesis; never before in human history has there been so much puling and whining about such inconsequential irritations. Du Toit’s groundless blubbering is, in the end, itself a partial confirmation of his point. In fact, du Toit’s essay probably deserves to spawn a neologism: duToitification and its cognates. You become duToitified when you’ve got it so good that you lose all perspective on the world and as a result exaggerate minor unpleasantries into vexations of Biblican proportions. That is, you become an insufferable weenie.

    What duToit’s essay proves is that the more important problem we face is the duToitification of the Western conservative. Conservatism is currently the Colossus of American
    politics. Extremist conservatives control the Presidency and both
    houses of Congress, and conservatives exercise virtually unchallenged control of the political agenda; conservatives control their own massive network of media outlets (talk radio, Fox news, The Wall Street Journal editorial page, etc.); they have convinced most other media outlets to shift their message to the right by relentlessly repeating the “liberal bias” mantra; they have established a massive and incredibly well-funded network of think-tanks and institutions to develop, distribute, and defend their message; and they have underway a long-term plan to take
    control of the judiciary. Never in my lifetime has one end of the
    political spectrum so dominated American public life. And yet, even given their almost unchallenged hegemony, they just can’t seem to stop their damn whining. To make this all even more insufferable, their whining often has a bizarre, self-reflexive nature. What they whine about is the fact that they are too masculine, too stoical, too heroic for this imagined age of liberalism. Picture one of those movies in which, through time-lapse photography, a character seems to physically
    regress farther and farther through less and less highly-evolved
    forms—but in this case, the character simultaneously becomes emotionally more dainty and easily offended until what remains is a kind of effete caveman. A Neanderthal crybaby. This process of political devolution and moral sissification is the duToitification of the Western conservative.

    http://philosoraptor.blogspot.com/2003/11/dutoitification-of-western.html

    ReplyDelete
  105. Dennis10:51 AM

    Had a huge day on the wheels of production front, Stalker man. Taking a nice long, relaxing weekend.

    You should try that sometime. Oh wait, every day is like that for you. I'm sorry, my bad there, dude.

    ReplyDelete
  106. He has a warped view of the weft. And other shit he's worse at than children in kindergarten.

    ReplyDelete
  107. The Dark Avenger10:56 AM

    Dennis had his comments deleted at The Daily Banter for being off-topic a few days ago, he probably came here to troll because he doesn't have enough things to do at work.

    ReplyDelete
  108. The Dark Avenger10:57 AM

    You're the one who followed me to Pandagon to stalk me, d00d, as for production, I didn't realize there was such a great market for human dung.

    ReplyDelete
  109. tigrismus11:19 AM

    Chuckling isn't talking about blogging, he's answering the guy with the earthquake question. As was Biden; his point was that even accepting the questioner's scenario no one needs an AR-15.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Dennis11:31 AM

    Tee time in a half-hour, TDA. Need to go warm up. TTYL.

    ReplyDelete
  111. whetstone11:42 AM

    I was attacked on the El in Chicago--a rather fucked-up guy tried to mug me, probably because I look like the easiest target in the world. He knocked my glasses off and tried to go for my wallet. My first reaction was "fuck, glasses are expensive"; my second was "I'm not being punched hard enough for it to be worth losing my wallet" (not so much the $25 or less that was in it, but just all the cards) I got a shiner; I kept my shit.


    I thought about this as the Illinois legislature has been debating concealed carry on public transportation. Now, I do not step down from any man when it comes to my affection for mass transit, but there are a lot of things about it that suck--the inevitable tensions and frustrations that come from packing a bunch of people into a confined, irregularly moving space.


    And there are people that want to add HANDGUNS to that. That jerkoff you have to push past because some people are too good to go to the elevated part of the bus in the back? Now you're going to get to push past his midnight special. Hope the safety's on!

    ReplyDelete
  112. The Dark Avenger11:53 AM

    Sure, Dennis, just like you were on vacation a couple of weeks ago. I'm sorry if we hateful, divisive libruls delayed your tee time, cowboi.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Al Swearengen12:03 PM

    What is Hawkins' c.v.? Mercenary? Killer for hire? Bare knuckle boxing champion? Cowboy? Construction worker?


    Or is he one of these insecure boys who think buying deadly toys makes them a man?

    ReplyDelete
  114. whetstone12:18 PM

    If the crushing responsibility of providing for a wife and children isn’t going to be valued, why not get a job that’s just good enough to get by, play video games, and slack off?

    "You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker." --Chris Rock

    If women don’t appreciate chivalry, why bother?

    Sex? Love? Seriously, you're going to let chivalry get in the way of that?

    If you can’t be the action hero on the big screen that everyone wants to emulate, why try to be tough or resourceful?

    For its own sake?

    I see the problem here. Providing for your family, being chivalrous (or, as people who aren't dicks put it, "polite"), and being tough and resourceful, are all totally fine things to do on their own terms. They feel good! And they make sense! John Hawkins won't do or be any of those things unless we throw him a fucking parade for being sensible.

    Mentally, these are still boys, not men and our society helped make them that way.

    John Hawkins: he'll totally face down a room full of serial killers with ninja kicks and his mighty bazooka, but if one of them starts reading from The Feminine Mystique he wilts like a violet.

    ReplyDelete
  115. sharculese12:21 PM

    Good god, the load in your diaper has a load in its diaper.

    ReplyDelete
  116. BigHank5312:24 PM

    And here I was, operating under the illusion that conservatives were examplars of personal responsibility. Imaginert of closet collectivist: I hate what I've done with my life, and it's all YOUR fault!

    ReplyDelete
  117. whetstone12:29 PM

    Also, too: when someone says "chivalrous" (and ESPECIALLY) when they mention "pulling out a chair" in reference to it, what I hear is "I'm kind of a dick, but I make up for it with melodramatically empty gestures." You want to be chivalrous? Do some housework.

    ReplyDelete
  118. trial retribution12:32 PM

    A real man spends time on the internet looking for lolcat style pictures to add to his word thingy article (on the internet made by real men with hammers and boots).
    Is this irony?

    ReplyDelete
  119. That loser follows you everywhere, DA.

    ReplyDelete
  120. wileywitch12:59 PM

    yep

    ReplyDelete
  121. And yet Joe Biden is vice-president, and Sarah Palin is not. Seems you haven't got your finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist, there, Denny.

    ReplyDelete
  122. wileywitch1:10 PM

    Somehow I've gotten the impression that this "dennis" guy is the "professor" that works at a community college in California and is famous for "Sasquatch, Israel". Whether or not he is, he has this weird habit of latching onto one person per thread and using their first name the way old biddies use the full name of a child to let them know they're really in trouble this time! "Blaine Bradley Sapworth!!! You get in here, RIGHT NOW!!!" I always picture him with his hands on his hips.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Yes, and either he asks his barber for that haircut, or his barber is playing a very cruel trick on him.

    ReplyDelete
  124. wileywitch1:30 PM

    Oh, Dawg how I appreciate the fading of those gestures. Not only are they empty, but they require that a woman wait for it, and the less the woman waits, the more insistent the gestures become. It's like being trapped by a squirrel running back and forth in front of your car as if the squirrel thought it was doing this for your benefit.

    There is no real rhyme or reason to a man opening a door, especially when he has to walk around the car to do it, and the woman has to sit there and wait while he does it. I often don't wait for a car to come to a complete stop before getting out. Sitting dead in the parking lot waiting for the jerk that I already don't want to see again to open the door as if it were too much of a challenge for me makes me want to cold-cock him. There is nothing polite about insisting that a person collude with silly little, time-wasting rituals lest one or the other forget what kind of genitalia they have.

    ReplyDelete
  125. The Dark Avenger1:39 PM

    I think he may have overreached himself, trolling here. He's also trying to get attention from other bloggers as well. Good luck with that, Dennis.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Gromet1:55 PM

    I asked a friend of mine in the middle of his survivalist phase why he didn't go to one of the lawless parts of Earth instead of sitting around rooting for apocalypse to hit us in California. His answer? That would be meaningless, because fake, because you could also always just come home so nothing would really be at stake. Lawlessness has to be forced upon you -- upon us all -- for it to mean something real.

    (What cured him of his lust for destruction was that he saw some of its reality. Within weeks after the towers fell, his stockpile of water & food was gone. A couple years later his gun was stolen in a burglary, and he decided not to replace it.)

    ReplyDelete
  127. Another Kiwi2:06 PM

    Wiley wins teh internetz. AGEN!!

    ReplyDelete
  128. Gromet2:06 PM

    I really loved Hawkins' column much better when The Smiths did it and it was the lyrics to "How Soon Is Now."

    ReplyDelete
  129. Jay B.2:07 PM

    I'm piling on, fuck it. I don't care if I'm "not bringing people together", like our new excellent outreach advisor above.

    Chances are, you’ll probably go your whole life without shooting anyone or having to defend yourself from a thug trying to beat you to death on the street.

    Taken out of context, this obvious fact sounds like a nice corrective to the endless amount of empty sabre-rattling and paranoia from our conservative he-men friends. Yes, that's true John! A very good poin...Wait. You are sad about this?

    ReplyDelete
  130. What's interesting about this is that John Hawkins really doesn't go to much effort to disguise the fact that what really bugs him is that women don't submit to men anymore. It's really as simple as that...he just uses a lot of words to say it. I mean, he's a conservative, so he doesn't come right out and say the horrible things he means, but ALMOST DOES, and I give him credit for that.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Someone's been watching too many bukkake films.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Thank you for talking like this like a human. A decent, compassionate, normal human being. I'll take that kind of manliness over John Hawkins' kind any day o' the week.

    ReplyDelete
  133. He was stalking a poster at S,N, too. I have no idea what his deal is.

    ReplyDelete
  134. First thing I thought of was bukkake, which I'm pretty sure makes me a pervert.

    ReplyDelete
  135. I want to upvote this 'til my finger falls off.

    ReplyDelete
  136. First rule of Whine Club: Don't talk about Whine Club.


    Scratch that. Talk about it a lot. On the internet.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Don't worry, John--there's always LARPing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_ekugPKqFw

    ReplyDelete
  138. Yeah, that would have worked better BEFORE you exposed yourself in the above comment... ya perv!


    (Actually, I was just going for an equivalent to "knee-deep in danger" and substituted fro rhytm).

    ReplyDelete
  139. gocart mozart2:49 PM

    Yes, he is Douglasesque isn't he. On the other hand, maybe it's Jim Treacher.

    ReplyDelete
  140. redoubt2:50 PM

    WHOA. Talk about locking the barn door after the barn itself has burned down. (My recollection of the CTA is that everyone who can concealed carry is already doing so.)
    What they should do is open-carry the conductors if they haven't already. (Back in the Seventies I once saw a conductor--burly strawberry blond dude--go into an empty car on the Congress line with a passenger, where they got into a fistfight. Between stations. While the train was moving 50 mph.)

    ReplyDelete
  141. gocart mozart2:50 PM

    But you don't have a point.

    ReplyDelete
  142. The Dark Avenger2:54 PM

    No, Jim likes to haunt the TPM site with his comments. Dennis is in the private sector, he's not a professor or teacher.

    ReplyDelete
  143. Another Kiwi2:55 PM

    I had no love for the old comments system at alicublog (none!, do you hear me, NONE!!) but sometimes Disqus is just weird. I need to go and shoot someone in Reno.

    ReplyDelete
  144. I love this image. And I'd love to know the backstory.

    ReplyDelete
  145. gocart mozart3:06 PM

    He doesn't want to lose his amateur status

    ReplyDelete
  146. gocart mozart3:08 PM

    Irony is dead Jim.

    ReplyDelete
  147. Leeds man3:11 PM

    "Look how you all jump in to get each other's backs."

    Hah! We turn on each other like rabid weasels at the drop of a hat. That's the fun. Aussies, Kiwis, Yanks, Canucks, the odd Dane. It's a bubbling cauldron of resentment and bile, I tells ya.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Who are you calling "odd", you swine! It's "Great Dane"! And if you looked in my shorts... it'd be... both. Let's talk about the damn Swedes instead, huh.

    ReplyDelete
  149. blondie3:18 PM

    Shorter: I hate women so much; why won't they love me?

    ReplyDelete
  150. If I had a cat I'd be going: "Purrrr-fect".

    ReplyDelete
  151. Disqus is weird, but at least it's not js-kit/echo/hell-o-scan.
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  152. Halloween_Jack3:53 PM

    There's no rhyme or reason to my wanting to lay my cape over a mud puddle in this comment's path.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Atticus Dogsbody3:59 PM

    For rhythm, you say? And all this time I've been using a shoe-shine boy.

    ReplyDelete
  154. whetstone4:06 PM

    "It's like being trapped by a squirrel running back and forth in front of your car as if the squirrel thought it was doing this for your benefit."

    ReplyDelete
  155. This is not a new meme. https://www.google.com/search?q=MGTOW&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

    Fortunately, it is a hilarious one.

    ReplyDelete
  156. Well, at least show the courtesy to stay and watch him die.

    ReplyDelete
  157. OK, one more observation before I hog this whole thread...isn't it funny that He-Man Hawkins never thinks--for even one second--that women might have fantasies about being heroines or badasses? I mean, IT JUST DOESN'T OCCUR. It's the weirdest fucking thing.

    ReplyDelete
  158. What ISN'T Karen Allen's fault?

    ReplyDelete
  159. You can actually kill all of the crime bosses in New Reno.

    ReplyDelete
  160. I may be a perv, but...I BLAME OBAMA! Socialism! Gays! Loose women! Fake maple syrup!

    ReplyDelete
  161. She needs to quit hogging it.

    ReplyDelete
  162. I'll admit it: I was proud of that one.

    ReplyDelete
  163. I LIKE IT VERY MUCH!


    (Even if you don't get it, I can't imagine a better setup for this joke)

    ReplyDelete
  164. That you not only took out the trash. but continued dating it?

    ReplyDelete
  165. Yep, and it's because he doesn't see women as actual human fuckin' beings. Well, he only sees them when they're fuckin' and paid to do so on his screen. How can I explain this: Most porn is like most meme-humor. A short novelty, mostly stupid, and you're always left waiting for the actual Pizza-guy.

    ReplyDelete
  166. wileywitch4:44 PM

    You calling me "fat?" Huh?! Cause I am sorta fat right now, so'se that would be kinda accurate.

    ReplyDelete
  167. M. Krebs4:59 PM

    Are we sure that's not Martin Short in a fat suit?

    ReplyDelete
  168. KatWillow5:00 PM

    A new Indiana Jones franchise should star Indiana & Karen's daughter, Indiana Jones. I have a good Idea for a script... involves solving how the Inca moved their humungous stones... heh.

    ReplyDelete
  169. That would be meaningless, because fake, because you could also always just come home so nothing would really be at stake.


    Excuses excuses

    ReplyDelete
  170. KatWillow5:02 PM

    But... but... she kinda sniveled when the evil Nazi held a red-hot poker to her eye...then Indiana rescued her with his WHIP! In just what did she emasculate (aka: pussify) Indy?

    ReplyDelete
  171. M. Krebs5:05 PM

    "So what do most men do today to express those manly impulses?"

    Trucks. Giant stupid motherfucking trucks.

    ReplyDelete
  172. Nothing. Actually She cleverly snuck a knife

    ReplyDelete
  173. KatWillow5:43 PM

    I remember the Loma Priata earthquake, and the horrible collapse of the dobule-decker-freeway in Oakland. EVERYONE tried to help, pimps, druggies, average commuters.... EVEN A REPORTER! Yes, its true, I saw it on TV. The reporter said "Sorry, I can't just stand here, I have to go help." Put down her mic and walked off to join a crowd of volunteers. Even in the Crime Capital of the USA, nary a semi-automatic murder to be seen.

    ReplyDelete
  174. If only we still had Indians to exterminate we wouldn't be having these masculinity issues

    ReplyDelete
  175. AGoodQuestion5:50 PM

    In this case it just makes you observant.

    ReplyDelete
  176. Mr. Wonderful5:52 PM

    Sez you. It began when they invented the idea of the speed limit. Total pussification. Know where else they have speed limits? The so-called nation of France. Nuff said.

    ReplyDelete
  177. AGoodQuestion5:53 PM

    Which is why I recommend melting some of your spare ammo in the tank.


    FUCK THA PC POLICE!

    ReplyDelete
  178. AGoodQuestion6:00 PM

    How many fucking screen names does this guy have?

    ReplyDelete
  179. AGoodQuestion6:03 PM

    Okay, well, thank you for making it clear what you think. Where you get the idea that we all know it, or at least that atheist does, I don't know. Or care, really.

    ReplyDelete
  180. KatWillow6:04 PM

    A thug tried to beat me to death with a tire iron. I don't count it as a character-building experience, or something everyone ought to experience at least once, like visiting Las Vegas.

    ReplyDelete
  181. The Dark Avenger6:04 PM

    I don't know what name he used at Sadly, No!, but he wouldn't use Dennis because he was banned from there trolling under that name.

    ReplyDelete
  182. Dennis6:19 PM

    You had to have cared. By definition.

    ReplyDelete
  183. The Dark Avenger6:24 PM

    And you're another!

    ReplyDelete
  184. Chuckling isn't he. I am chuckling big boy

    ReplyDelete
  185. And guess what, you are headed down the path og getting all your missives removed. Hopefully when obozo gets impeached, for federal shut down, I never Hear a peep out of you. You are a 50 something unemployable loser. You are a loser DA. LOSER

    ReplyDelete
  186. Dennis6:29 PM

    OMG, you waited by the computer for 8 full hours for me to return. And you posted 4 minutes after I did.

    OMG!


    OMG!


    OMFG!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  187. Sadly No says you and DA are tranny chasing cissexist pigs? True?

    ReplyDelete
  188. Dennis6:30 PM

    I can't seem to face up to the facts

    I'm tense and nervous and I

    Can't relax

    I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire

    Don't touch me I'm a real live wire



    Psycho Killer

    Qu'est-ce que c'est

    fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better

    Run run run run run run run away

    ReplyDelete
  189. DA- did you announce to everyone on this blog that you have a "very healthy relationship" with fatass Marcotte?

    ReplyDelete
  190. He isn't a fake doctor. That is his problem. He is normal, conservative unlike you

    ReplyDelete
  191. DA- pot meet kettle. You follow Dennis and I all over the WWW you loser

    ReplyDelete
  192. God Bless You wanna be atheist. Hope you burn in hell or don't you believe in he'll either douche bag

    ReplyDelete