RETURN TO McARDLE.

I know for a while I haven't been doing this more than weekly as a round-up for Roy Edroso Breaks It Down (SUBSCRIBE, by the way -- what are ya saving your money for, think of what you're about to save on eggs!), but Reign of Tubby II is a target-rich environment so you may see more of me here in days to come, at least until I get thrown in a concentration camp.

There are plenty of horrors, Lord knows, like Trump following through on his promises to viciously attack his enemies -- e.g. immigrant families and the Constitution -- and playing Henry II to Bishop Mariann Budde's Thomas à Becket, etc.  While Elon Musk doing his Nazi salute is horrifying in its own way, you have to admit it's also funny -- this buffoon has all the money in the world, and still feels his best chance at having a lasting political impact is to make the President he paid for more obviously like Hitler. 

Grimly funny, too, are the candy-ass Prestige Press outlets trying desperately not to say his Nazi salute was a Nazi salute ("Ignites Online Speculation" Jesus Christ). But it ain't over till the fash lady sings -- Ladies and gents, Megan McArdle:

The logic is... not strong:

Take a decidedly nonracist acquaintance who was throwing a last-minute Halloween costume together from materials he had handy: a new white sheet set. Eschewing the cliché toga, he decided to dress up as a ghost. Only the sheet wasn't quite long enough when it was draped over his head, so he reached for the pillowcase ... and belatedly discovered, from the stunned silence of his fellow partygoers, that he had inadvertently dressed up as a Klansman.

This is how I can believe that Musk made a similar cognitive error.

Similarly, I tripped on a rock while naked and my penis just happened to enter this lady's vagina. These things happen! (Also I don't believe attendees of a McArdle party would be shocked by a klansman outfit, at least not if they knew one of their fellow chucklekfucks was inside it instead of, like, a poor person.)

Not gonna link but here's another gem from the trove:

As a general principle, when there is a plausible innocent explanation, I err on the side of believing it. This will strike many readers as willfully naive or perhaps a sign of my own Nazi tendencies.

Which is exactly what's wrong with our politics today.

If only you liberals were more generous about people, like Little Megan Sunshine! I suppose the only reason she didn't use "tolerant," the usual go-to for rightwingers trying to make lefties look mean, is that it would imply there was something to tolerate, when Musk was just being, you know, cognitively erroneous. 

Between this and McArdle's reliable defenses of her boss, her service to billionaires in need of an ego-stroke (and when are they not, these days?) assures that she'll have that Washington Post job until Peggy Noonan croaks and the Passive-Aggressive Conservative crown passes to her. 

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: FASH FORWARD EDITION.

Have we done this one before? Hell with it, it's nice.

Just a few words on David Lynch: Aside from the statements his films make, it may be his biggest achievement was breaking up our idea of movie time. All film directors play with time – film is almost like music that way – but when people talk about Lynch as “weird,” while they may be talking about the freakish people and creatures (rabbits, swaddled monster baby, whiteface Robert Blake and so on) I think they’re mostly responding to how his movies spool out rather than tell stories. Most of them barely have stories. They rely on tropes that we recognize from other movies -- the damsel in distress, the murder mystery, the haunted building, the couple on the run – on which Lynch hangs his visions and obsessions, and not on narrative as such. We hope to see the main characters elude or emerge from danger, but it’s seldom their heroic drive that gets them out, and often they just stay on that lost highway. And despite all the websites hunting down clues, his mysteries are never really solved. It’s very possible Lynch may not have even known who killed Laura Palmer when he set out on Twin Peaks. Many foreign directors had played around like this before, but Lynch had his own method and, more to the point, sold it to American audiences. (Part of the credit for that goes to another genius who’s still with us.)

Coffee break over, everyone back on your heads! Tubby grabs the wheel Monday, but like many of us I’ve been pre-gaming dread pretty heavily so it ought not to land so bad. (Also I won’t watch. Who needs it? I can read his yammerings later if the judgment of Clio demands.) Trump himself has been pretty quiet, but we already know from the statements of his flunkies and factota what a fash shambles to expect – as may be seen in the first of today’s FREE Roy Edroso Breaks It Down editions, covering the cabinet nomination hearings for one of REBID’s stock characters, Fox News star Poopmouth.  Look, after Hegseth anything’s possible.

For the second freebie here’s a more serious-like essay on our feral billionaires, whose recent antics make Andrew Carnegie look like Francis of Assisi (and Carnegie was no Francis of Assisi). Everything bad about America has gotten worse, and the most obvious cause is rampaging capital; Reagan took the leashes off forty-five years ago and the moneyed went mad – though you may miss that they’re mad because, by the standard of self-enrichment, the only one they and our Prestige Press recognize, they’re perfectly rational. But if a man felt a chill and set fire to the whole neighborhood to warm himself you’d recognize the problem.  

OH, AND: I neglected to mention when it came out, but the great Batocchio of Vagabond Scholar wrapped 2024 with his usual Jon Swift Roundup -- a tradition begun by a late lamented comrade -- of several bloggers' favorite posts of the past year. They're all winners, of course, by some of the sharpest folks around, and if you haven't looked in on bloggers like Driftglass and Yastreblyansky and Mad Kane for a while, might I suggest you take the opportunity? And check your old rolodex -- hell, I just noticed Kip Manley is still in business! Now that vinyl and cassettes are back, maybe it's time blogs got on the retro rotation -- after all, the last time we were a hot commodity was when the country was in the grip of a madman -- if anyone's prepped for the coming catastrophe it's us! 

SPEAKING OF WHICH: In case you’re following me on social: Having abandoned Twitter months ago, this weekend I’m decommissioning my Meta accounts, i.e. Facebook and Instagram. (I may keep Messenger.) It’s not really a moral decision, though Zuckerberg's a moral disaster – I’m just sick of this shit. If you want to keep up I’m on Bluesky, and I’ve started to dabble in Spoutable and Pixelfed, all under @edroso. But I'm not sure how they'll pan out. You can always track my movements at edroso.com. Who knows what’s next. Burned all my notebooks, what good are notebooks, they won't help me survive. 

SUNDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: NEW FRONTIERS IN SANEWASHING EDITION.

Another one from the neo-soul coffee shop.

I keep filing these weekly dispatches late, due to my absurdly crowded work schedule; if you come across any of those liberal billionaires people keep asking to fund a Countervailing Noise Machine of the Left, tell them to send some o’ them sweet Sorosbucks my way -- my signal-to-noise ratio may be a little high for pure-propaganda purposes but just think of the cachet: “Yes, we fund Edroso. Doesn’t take much; poor fellow never had chance to develop a taste for luxury.” “What! Edroso’s still alive? I heard he perished from cirrhosis and a surfeit of bile.” “Good for you, keeping the old clown afloat. You know we ought to establish some sort of assisted-living for these bloggers – it reflects poorly on our Cause whenever one of them dies in a snowdrift.” 

Reciprocating this imaginary generosity, I bring you some freebies from Roy Edroso Breaks It Down, my famous five-day-a-week Substack (subscriptions for which, by the way, are absurdly cheap and make great if puzzling “thinking of you” gifts). Here are two Scenes We’d Like To See: one, Jeff Bezos in Caligula mode, lamenting that his billions have not brought him fulfillment and seeking to fill the void with the corpse of democracy; and two, last week’s Tubby sketch, sort of “The Emperor’s New Depends.” If these don’t épater la bourgeoisie I daresay they can’t be épatered. 

If the satires seem a little nervier than usual, it’s because I look at the news, a filthy habit I can’t seem to shake. (Though I have fucked off from Twitter and will soon fuck off from Facebook as well – these days, the “long march through the institutions” is made mainly to sever connections with the most toxic ones, media-wise. Thankfully there are alternatives.) Many people have pointed out that Tubby’s stated plans of foreign conquest are nuts, and that the Prestige Press is sanewashing them in a manner that would be inexplicable if you hadn’t seen (and hasn’t everyone seen it, by now?) that they’re sucking up for access and protection, and (this is the worst part) out of belated recognition that fascism suits their business model better than truth-telling. The shittier ones are just full-on jingo cheering, while the polite ones are doing “analysis” like NPR’s “Is Trump's rhetoric on Greenland, Canada and Panama Canal a 'Madman Strategy'?”  which I expect to see followed by “Trump Biting Head Off Rat Sends a Signal: Experts.” 

Still more disgusting is Trump’s claim that California didn’t handle their UNPRECEDENTED CLIMATE-RELATED FIRE EMERGENCY correctly and promise to make it worse when he’s in power. I trust I don’t have to explain that this has nothing to do with any desire to help the people of that state and everything to do with his dark disinformation campaign to enrich himself by destroying the country; as I’ve been saying for years (and see Laura Jedeed for a newer, related angle), demonizing a state that actually generates economic growth and uses it to provide services to its people is necessary to the MAGA goal of making shitty, parsimonious Alabama-style governance the only kind his minions will ever know. I will also add that Steve Bannon bitching about Elon Musk is just fash fan-magazine bullshit and should not be taken seriously as anything but a further example of how stupid things have gotten. 

DAY OF WRECKONING

I could call this Friday-‘Round-the-Horn-Except-on-Monday, as I did last week, but I’m mainly here to tell you today’s Roy Edroso Breaks It Down is about the fourth anniversary of Tubby’s attempted coup, and that it’s free to non-subscribers.

I say my say there, with a few examples of the Jan. 6 gaslighting at overtly MAGA press outlets. (The Prestige Press outlets are mostly taking an “Ah! Well. Nevertheless” approach; NBC News lards some Jan. 6 facts into its report on today’s electoral college tally, but under the headline “Capitol heavily secured for election certification as Trump's Jan. 6 pardon plans remain largely a mystery” -- which is probably all most people will read, and which suggests that the event needs “heavy” protection in case of an attack by ravening mobs of Kamala Harris supporters, since, you know, Everything is Bothsides now.)

Speaking of Bothsides, I will mention this lulu I found today, from Minnesota Public Radio: “Jan. 6 still divides people. Is there a productive way to move past it?” If you smell professional difference-splitters, collect your winnings: in this case, it’s Bill Doherty from Braver Angels (formerly Better Angels), and his response to the question “why is this issue so fraught?” is… well, have a look:

If you believe that the election was stolen and that there were people there to protest … you’re sympathetic with them. You’re thinking that this is what democracy is about. You say, “Well, 90 percent of the people were perfectly fine.” On the other hand, if you think their cause was not just, you understandably focus not on the folks who just went home, but on the people who attacked the Capitol.

A few bad apples! The solution, says Doherty, is “not to argue about the past when people’s minds are made up” – let’s not bicker and argue about who insurrected who! – “but to talk about how would we go forward.” Of course “we” in this case is a bunch of people meeting in gyms and conference rooms that are nowhere near the levers of power, which in a few weeks will be in the tight grip of people who think insurrection is great when they do it and ever better if it works – and, having gotten away with their last attempt, will not scruple to try another if things aren’t going their way; JD Vance ain’t Mike Pence. Stay strong, y’all, and don't let them tell you shit is Shinola.

MONDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: BETWEEN A REICH AND A HARD PLACE EDITION.

Let's have a little soothing jangle-bell rock.

Yeah, it’s normally Friday ‘Round-the-Horn – but I am told on social media that the period between Christmas and New Year’s is a sort of a collective fugue state, so I’ll cut myself some slack and you’re welcome to join me. (In truth I felt the fugue more keenly this year than previously because I had nearly all of last week off from work, and for whatever reason it pushed me right the hell out of my everyday reality. I didn’t go anywhere, I just dissociated. This week I had to go back and it was wrenching, like being caught by the marshals after an escape. When will my goddamn Living National Treasure status come through?)

Anyway, not much to offer in the way of Roy Edroso Breaks It Down freebies – last week was short rations, though we did have a year-end Received Opinion with Bolt Upright that I think is funny, anyway. Speaking of Prestige Press putzes, maybe you saw Semafor got a bunch of them to talk about “The things we got wrong in 2024,” and as you would expect if you share my poisonous cynicism it’s a chortlefest: Fascism won, whoopsie! But I still have a six-figure job so fuck it:

Young white women, that is – but really, is there any other kind? As an apparently intentional worsener Semafor also includes Steve Bannon, Ben Shapiro, and Bari Weiss:

Reader demand? So long she keeps stroking fascists (“Join Michael Moynihan and Batya Ungar-Sargon as they sit down with guests including Michael Knowles, Rod Dreher, and Geoffrey Cain”) the funding will keep rolling in and her media pals will keep pimping The Free Press, attracting soft-brained people who can sort of read and don’t like he-shes or blue-hairs nohow. 

A few words about the late Jimmy Carter: Like everyone else except total scumbags, I greatly admire his post-presidency. But while his term of office had some admirable features, you can’t just ignore its many foreign and domestic fiascos. The most charitable interpretation is that he was trying to split the difference between what seemed like unsustainable legacy policies, such as client statism and a heavy regulatory state, and new ones that were challenging to sell to voters, such as energy conservation and “human rights” (which from our current perspective, and undoubtedly that of many Central Americans, Southeast Asians, and Iranians at the time, was pretty selective). It didn’t work, and his successor simply ran full-tilt in the direction of evil, which struck voters as energetic and virile even as his goons looted the treasury and their future. A lot of people act as if neoliberalism has only recently come a-cropper, but it’s been a loser for a long time and I hope we find another way to go before our mortal enemies make it impossible to change course. Meantime it is something to consider that Carter may be the last POTUS who had human qualities worth mourning. 

Oh yeah, today I review A Complete Unknown, which has the traditional biopic limitations but works fine within them.  

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: SITUATION NOT-NORMAL BUT STILL ALL F***ED UP

For a long time I could only find a weird remix of this, so I stopped looking. 
But it's here!

It’s the last month without Tubby for a while – though in an important sense (namely the inability of the Prestige Press to ignore that piece of shit) we’re not without him now, because he continues to yap orders at his toadies in Congress. In the case of the current funding legislation, he didn’t get what he allegedly wanted – but from his perspective that doesn’t matter at all, because it kept his blustering presence in front of the public and also got people used to seeing his Nazi asshole buddy Musk treated like a fourth branch of the U.S. Government. 

I don’t think I’m particularly perceptive, really, but these days a lot of people seem incredibly invested in misreading what’s going on. Like, for example: why would coverage in the paper owned by Jeff Bezos be tilted heavily against the union striking the company also owned by Jeff Bezos? HMMMMM IT’S A PUZZLER ALRIGHT. It's as if the shock of the election got the Prestige Press peeps clinging to their ancient templates as a coping mechanism and they just can't let them go.  (I mean apart from the ones that are just straight-up bought off, which probably accounts for all of them over a certain stock valuation.)  

Fooey. Nonetheless, this is the last Friday ‘Round-the-Horn before Xmas so as my gift to you all here are two recent editions of Roy Edroso Breaks It Down that I’m making free to non-subscribers…

… but not before this advertisement:

Now’s a great time to give the gift of Roy Edroso Breaks It Down! Click here.

OK, now the freebies: First, what to expect as the follow-up to that drone bullshit. You didn’t think that was going to be the last stupid panic Republicans would use to rile their rubes? The next four years are gonna be like Green Acres except without Oliver to sputter in protest as Mr. Haney delivers him an unwanted fascist dictatorship. Second, if you heard about the New York governor’s announced plans to soothe frightened execs after the UnitedHeathcare hit, and wondered what that might look like… wonder no more! 

FRIDAY ‘ROUND-THE-HORN: IRON LUNG REVIVAL EDITION.

I'm an old crank but you know what? This is Xmas music I can get with.

To paraphrase the old Chinese, we are now Living In Interesting Times every goddamn day. One of the latest wacky bits is the lawyer/accomplice of HHS-Secretary-nominee RFK Jr. petitioning the U.S. Government to revoke its approval of the polio vaccine. It’s something I’ve joked about over the years and now it’s – well, still a joke, though obviously the lunatics promoting it don’t know that. This would seem to be a nadir in the epic insanity of Tubby’s appointments, though I’m sure they’ll find a way to dig deeper. 

By the way, do you wonder what mainstream conservatives (you know, Conservatives with Good Taste) think about this? You will be unsurprised to learn that Kimberly Strassel at the Wall Street Journal absolves Tubby of all blame, and pins it on other people who aren’t working hard enough to make him look good. Doesn’t make sense? Here, read it yourself:

It seems not to have occurred to Senate Republicans—who ought to have learned a little bit about Mr. Trump by now—that he needs a rescue here. No insider believes this is a heartfelt pick. Even political naïfs understand what happened: This agreement was entirely transactional. Mr. Trump saw an opportunity to gain RFK’s endorsement. The price was a promise of a big post. The president-elect is holding true to that deal as a businessman, so he won’t dare whisper misgivings for fear of leaks.

“Holding true to that deal as a businessman” yeah, that’s Trump, alright – his word is his bond! 

Instead Senate Republicans are playing monkey-see-monkey-do to an extent that even Mr. Trump must be exasperated. 

“Why is no one wiping my ass? They must have smelt it by now!”

Nearly every GOP senator looks at Mr. Kennedy with wincing concern—knowing the havoc the anticapitalist big-government regulator can and will wreak on a Trump agenda. 

(Oh, yeah, the problem isn’t that Worm-Brain will kill us all – the problem is he’s against capitalism.)

Yet no one steps up to save the president. If Joe Biden chose Hulk Hogan to be Treasury secretary, does anyone think Democrats would have let him step into that trap? 

Maybe there was an upside to electing a President you can’t imagine doing any such thing. (Oh, right, Biden was supposed to be senile!)

But so desperate right now are Republicans to nod along that they are abdicating the real job of advice and consent—and protection.

Normally I’d say that sounds like a “you” problem except the “you” problem has been made an “all of us” problem by the shitheels and grifters, Strassel not excepted, who condemned us to this madman’s whims and wiles. 

Oh, the Roy Edroso Breaks It Down freebies – yes, this week we have two (remember, it’s a five-day-a-week publication and absurdly cheap to subscribe, so why don’tcha): First, my gloss on Adam Serwer’s essay on conservatives’ inability to tell heroes from villains in fiction and what it means for their politics; second, that rich asshole who runs the L.A. Times plans to give MAGA readers Trump-friendly alt-versions of the paper’s news stories, so I created an example of what they would look like. 

Special blast from the past edition now that celebrity murderer Daniel Perry has gotten away with killing a black guy and Tubby is taking him to a football game: My original statement still stands. 

FRIDAY ‘ROUND-THE-HORN: SICK, SICK, SICK EDITION.

Five, four shots, I be ready to splash.

Sorry I missed you last week! Holidays are frickin' rough around here. But I pledge that if I live I'll deliver through Christmas. That's the alicublog pledge! 

It’s pretty weird watching the death of democracy roar down the track, its glowing Sauron eye getting bigger by the moment and Tubby's fat face darkly looming in the cab, while most of the information on the bearing-down is coming from a completely bought-off Prestige Press that talks about it as if it’s a fun TV drama like “Succession” that we can switch off when we’re bored. 

This weirdness is informing my “Received Opinion with Bolt Upright” sketches at Roy Edroso Breaks It Down (my Substack newsletter! Surely you’re heard of it!). This week’s is one of three (3) REBID editions released to nonsubscribers.  In this one, the gang considers the latest Trump appointment: Fox News celebrity Poopmouth to chair the National Endowment for the Arts. A lively discussion ensues! 

The other news-related item has to do with the death of a health insurance CEO and why a lot of people aren’t crying over it. I was raised a Christian (well, Catholic, close enough) and I don’t like to take pleasure in the death and suffering of others. Nonetheless I’m a lot more angry about our fucked-up health care system, and how it depraves us -- so much so that this murder puts us less in mind of the victim's bereaved family and friends than of the bereaved family and friends of “beneficiaries” whose suffering and death his parsimonious policies hastened along. I would also mention that the incoming administration promises to heavily promote the fraud-rich Medicare Advantage program, UnitedHealthcare’s primary scam, by appointing one of its shills as head of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services and (as outlined in Project 2025) making MA the default choice for new Medicare enrollees.  

Normally we only have two freebies but I’m also opening up this week’s Fun Friday because it’s about old-school bloggers (my classmates, as it were!) who are still stoking the boilers. (This has also served as a reminder to refresh my blogroll here. Shadowproof, which had taken over from Firedoglake, is discontinued and its slack picked up by The Dissenter; Gin and Tacos has turned into a podcast; I don’t know what happened to ThinkProgress. The “Forget About Politics” section has several discontinued sites, but that’s OK, because they’re mostly not about current events and worth a peek. Also, I’m sentimental about Lance Mannion and Terry Teachout.) 

In this edition I mention Atrios, Blue Gal, Driftglass, Vagabond Scholar, and Sheila O’Malley in the body copy; commenters have kindly added the Grade-A work of Digby at Hullabaloo, Nancy Nall, Joe My God, Lawyers Guns & Money, Nuclear Diner, Scripting News, The Daily Howler, et alia. It’s good to be reminded that, as the Prestige Press gets shittier by the minute at their job, we can rely on them just for the basic facts and then offload the analysis to guys like these.  If only America would take the hint! (Note: Some of these blogs don’t even user Hypertext Transfer Protocol Secure, that’s how old-school they are, so be careful!)

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: AN AGE OF CLODS AND MONSTERS EDITION.

I have never heard a bad Desmond Dekker record.

Not gonna push it too hard here as this is only Friday 'Round-the-Horn technically -- it's after midnight but I ain't been to bed yet. Anyway the atrocities continue: Pam Bondi is the new Matt Gaetz, and if anything it's even worse because she's actually been an AG at the state level and a stupefyingly corrupt one at that -- as Charlie Pierce explains -- whereas Gaetz was never more than a stunt appointee, a bit of chum to keep the Prestige Press putzes bobbing and Republican elected officials trembling lest they be forced to show loyalty and embarrass themselves by praising an obvious freak. From the moment Tubby tapped a checked-out oil executive for Secretary of State in 2016, anyone who was paying attention would have seen the game: Trump chooses flunkies based on whims and chits rather than ability. So it's a trip to see reporters asking how his people could have failed to "vet" Gaetz and fellow sex criminal Pete Hegseth et alia when everyone knew they were shit going in.  As Tom Tomorrow attests, this is not how things are done when you give a shit about the country you're gonna run:

Time for the REBID freebies! I'm very pro-Bluesky these days so go see me there and also read this about what got me to stop lurking and go whole-Alfhog. (It's at least partly because fash fucks get no traction there.)  And here's my most recent episode of Received Opinion with Bolt Upright, in which Peoni, Chafe and the gang are, like their real-life counterparts, obeying-in-advance to beat the band. 

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: BRINGIN' IT ALL BACK HOME EDITION.

Never out of fashion.

Another week into the over-the-cliff phase of the death of democracy! The appointments Tubby’s trying to push through the lame duck are all insane, but the one that especially pisses me off is RFK Jr. I’m typing this from the National Institutes of Health, my long association with which has literally saved my life; the global importance of its research and its extraordinary care and treatment of its patients are something I’ve been seeing first-hand for decades. That the lunatic my fellow Americans are sending back into power intends, out of hatred for the very idea of good government, to install this insane, malign quack to destroy the NIH (and the FDA, and Medicare, etc.) is making me all First Reformed. 

For the Roy Edroso Breaks It Down freebies, tell you what, let’s have the three-part “I Swear This Isn’t Like All The Other ‘What Is To Be Done’ Essays” with which I lay a path forward through Smarmageddon for the enlightened. Here they are in order: One. Two. Three. Best read in series, but you can mix and match. I’m told they’re brilliant, but maybe the smartest people in the world are all wrong! See for yourself and maybe subscribe while you’re at it. 

FRIDAY ‘ROUND-THE-HORN: PEOPLE JUST GET UGLIER AND I HAVE NO SENSE OF TIME EDITION.

What we are looking at is good and evil, right and wrong.

Hard week to feel good about! After a campaign in which the Republican candidate daily demonstrated himself not zero-fash nor 2% fash but 100% full fash (also stupid and crude), the voters returned him to office. This would lower my estimation of the sanity and decency of my fellow Americans if I weren’t such a goddamn little ray of sunshine. 

Whatever I think about the hoi polloi, it’s nothing compared to what I think of most of the bigbrains telling us What The Democrats Must Do, especially the alleged liberals-or-whatever telling us to sell out minorities so straight white America will love us:

“PC police,” lol, why didn’t he throw in “feminazis” while he was at it. I guess the very concepts of morality and principle are vague to some people who see everything as some sort of bagatelle – like “exalting the humble and humbling the exalted” is just some added degree of difficulty they think Democrats perversely assumed, as one might tie one hand behind one’s back to show off, and must abandon to succeed at The Game.

As after a rainstorm, the brain worms have been out in force. Check out this guy:

He’s supposed to be some kind of progressive thinker, but apparently believes adopting the standard rightwing bullshit about cities in “chaos” that must be made “livable” represents some opportunity for the Democrats. A bunch of people to whom I showed this told me I had him all wrong, he just wants more housing and better transit; if so that was an interesting way to ask for it, because unless you’ve just arrived on this planet you know that when you say “What can we do to solve the chaos and unlivability of our cities” the voters, whom the Prestige Press have marinated in Crime Panic for decades even as actual crime plummets, will demand certain people (hint hint) be stopped and searched and locked up and put on Workfare Not Welfare. Miss me with that Clintonian bullshit.

This isn’t even to speak of the overtly-conservative side. Peggy Noonan is actually trying to sprinkle her Reagan dust on Tubby:

As for the Republicans, we always feel now we’re picking a government to manage our decline. But when Mr. Trump met with the Journal’s editors last month, he spoke for a moment with excitement about how America “can be so rich and so successful.” He described watching the arms come out and catch the SpaceX rocket. “It was good old Elon. It was him, he’s amazing.”

That chord he was trying to hit—and tried to hit in late rallies—is one America yearns to hear. They want the old sense that their kids are being launched into a society and culture that’s healthy and vital. Exuberance, expansion, Musk to Mars, drill, baby, drill—we’re going to be exciting again!

Ronald Reagan was a piece of shit, but compare his “Morning in America” routine to the ravings of Trump, whose signal promise (which he affirmed right after the election) is to deport millions of immigrants and whose goons are already vowing to arrest his enemies.  I think Noonan has achieved peak wetbrain. 

Anyway. Most of the Roy Edroso Breaks It Down entries I could release to gen pop would probably depress you, so here’s one serious-but-not-superbleak one – about how we might yet save America by showing its young citizens how to tell shit from Shinola – and today’s Fun Friday, in which we talk about tech innovations, from ARAPNET to the present, that readers, when they first found them, really felt were, as Arthur C. Clarke said, indistinguishable from magic. Hang in there, babies, Monday’s comin’! 

SUNDAY ‘ROUND-THE-HORN: CHAMPAGNE OR HEMLOCK EDITION.

I'm old and I was old then too but how did I miss this?

The title comes from not-yet-governor-elect Mario Cuomo on election night 1982. And I doubt he was any more nervous than millions of your fellow Americans are in these closing hours of this campaign. My final thoughts about the closing and the outcome will be in Monday morning’s edition of Roy Edroso Breaks It Down – which will be FREE to everyone on the mailing list, paying subscriber or not, so now is an excellent time to sign up! 

I won’t say too much about that here and now. But I will say that in a campaign full of totally insane moments – can you believe “they’re eating the dogs… they’re eating the cats” was less than two months ago? – Tubby’s reaction to RFK Jr.’s plan to take fluoride out of drinking water is kind of a watershed:

Former President Donald Trump on Sunday expressed tentative support for Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s plan to order the removal of fluoride from water supplies during a potential second Trump term, saying that it “sounds OK to me.”

“Well, I haven’t talked to him about it yet, but it sounds OK to me,” Trump told NBC News. “You know, it’s possible.”

It’s really wild that in 2024 a major presidential candidate is giving the old okey-doke to a straight-up Cold War era, John Birch, General Jack D. Ripper conspiracy theory. I mean, I didn’t think this was a thing with even most of what I guess we have to call mainstream crackpots — the sort of anti-vaxx, Pizzagate nuts who are now a major part of the Republican coalition. I expect most of the people who were railing about fluoridation in the 1960s are dead. Maybe it’s their version of retro — you know, like That 70s Show. 

But what’s even more depressing, in a way, is Trump’s sure-why-not response. We know he’s not at all interested in policy as such (any more than ordinary Republicans are, any more) and will say anything to rile his rubes. We expect him to, for example, spread racist and misogynist fables like Haitian pet-eaters and post-birth abortions; that’s standard operating procedure for conservatives, which he mainly just makes more lurid. But if he and his minions are going back eighty years to fish out crazy ideas we’d all forgotten about, what’s next? The theory of the Four Humours? Spontaneous generation of disease? Phlogiston? If it’s retro anything it’s the Dark Ages.

Part of why this is so important is there is literally no depth to which these people will not sink and take us with them. 

Anyway, last week’s REBID freebies – well, events proceed so rapidly that the premises of these items might seem untimely to some; however, as the saying goes literature is news that stays news and literature is what I’m dishing out here, see! 

So even though no one probably remembers the difference between Biden saying “garbage” and that dipshit at the Trump rally saying “garbage,” the Prestige Press rolling in it is still funny. And on a more serious tip, in my view the WaPo/Bezos bullshit is just about an isolated in-kind campaign contribution from a billionaire to a fascist, but about the way normal people – that is, not just rightwing soreheads -- are coming to view the press and what they may expect from it in the future. Meantime, good night and good luck!  

FRIDAY ‘ROUND-THE-HORN: JEFF BEZOS IS A PARASITIC PIECE OF SHIT WHO SHOULD BE TAXED INTO OBLIVION EDITION.

I love Jill Scott and this song but had never before heard this live stretch-out. Nice!

It’s just barely Friday, still, but I’m coming in under the wire to tell you fuck that piece of shit Jeff Bezos. In a way, he and his fucked-up interference with the Washington Post’s presidential endorsement – that is, blocking it because the board wanted to endorse Harris and Bezos, as a client of the federal government (or is it vice-versa?), obviously felt it necessary to suck up to Trump because he knows if that fat fuck wins then sucking up is the whole game – is just a symptom of the parasitic hypercapitalist infection that is literally destroying our democracy.

But saying Bezos is “just a symptom” is like saying Hitler was just a symptom of fascism because there were other fascists running around and he was just one man. Sure, the problem is bigger than Bezos, but he’s a pretty fucking big problem all by himself. He’s the second richest person in America next to Musk, who is also a fascist piece of shit who should be taxed into oblivion, just as all these hyperrich democracy-hating supervillains should be taxed into oblivion. At least. 

That we allow such a small group of freakish men whose primary qualification is luck (in the genetic lottery and/or investment decisions) to hoard so much wealth and the power that comes with it has had an absurdly distorting effect on democracy – as is ably shown by this one rich cunt smacking down the board of the newspaper he bought to prevent them from making their endorsement. No wonder FDR taxed their asses off. Not only did (and, God knows, does) America need the money, we have to stop allowing rich straight-up fascists to create power bases in direct opposition to democracy. 

I mean look at these goddamn people – the deranged apartheid clinger Musk, the literal vampire Thiel, and Bezos who blows his incalculable wealth on trips to space (fawned over by his WaPo lickspittle Megan McArdle) and, we now see, collusion with the dark forces we thought we’d seen an end to in World War Two. They’re at least as much of a threat as Tubby and it’s about time the people who profess to speak for the rest of us did something about it. 

I will only add: It's really something that the MAGA creeps who are forever yelling about "Big Tech" "Censorship" (like JD Vance) are getting the election handed to them by guys like Musk, Thiel, and Bezos.

Anyway, here’s this week’s Roy Edroso Breaks It Down freebies (yes, only one – quit being such cheap bastards and pony up the $7/month for a full subscription to this FIVE DAY A WEEK SERVICE -- unlike fucking Bezos I can use it!): The hot new trend among serious people who were just recently telling us not to call a fascist – namely calling Trump a fascist!  If anything I think I was late in applying the f-word, myself, but if anything can make a man look prescient it’s being surrounded by idiots.

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: T-MINUS-18 DAYS AND COUNTING EDITION.

The pride of Cabo Verde.

Really barreling into the election now, as you can tell by the kind of crap rightwing papers are trying to put over. The Washington nee Moonie Times keeps shooting me “news alerts” like this:

It’s all Mad Libs at this point: Harris FLIP-FLOPPED on TRANS RIGHTS in BORDER CRISIS.  Oh, and if you aren’t convinced Jill Stein is working to elect Trump, maybe you’ll notice that Trump supporters are sure working to promote Stein: 

All more or less normal ratfuckery, and neither as important nor as sinister as the GOP’s push to suppress Democratic votes by any means necessary. Meanwhile Tubby is visibly off his nut, yammering like some escaped mental patient; his handlers are trying to get him out of the public eye, and it figures that his own people are more aware of his decline than our Prestige Press, which barely acknowledges it.

Anyway, it’s late, so here are the Roy Edroso Breaks It Down freebies: Two fun scenes – first, Bari Weiss piloting her fake university through seas of donor money; and second, a peek at how things are going with Trump and the gang in the Eagle’s Nest. Look, if we can’t laugh, what’s the point?

SATURDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL EDITION.

Heard this one at the taco place.

Friday ‘Round-the-Horn come on a Saturday this week, as the Pogo peeps used to say. Well, we’re all busy and deserve a smidge of slack.

Out of the five regular Roy Edroso Breaks It Down editions this past week – yes, I’m there Monday through Friday, like Eyewitness News or Good Morning America, the hardest working man in Substack business – I’m releasing two to gen pop.

First is my latest Elon Musk at The Office sketch. In this case he’s working on a counter-attack to Kamala Harris’ Medicare Long-Term Care Benefit proposal. Yeah, I know Democrats don’t put over everything they promise, usually because Republicans block them (though it’s notable that the Obama-era LTC proposal, the CLASS Act, was withdrawn by the Obama administration – though it was a Republican who gave it the poison pill. The Dems should have fought harder for it then. Blame neo-liberalism! It’s usually a good guess). Still, I like putting LTC back on the table and daring the GOP to block it and think it's a winner. Musk’s solution runs true to his repulsive nature. 

The second is my home-stretch piece on why, despite the threats, a Harris victory is at least probable. It’s an optimistic read but not an unreasonable one, based on past electoral results, human nature, and Trump’s own behavior. I know it may not look so good at the moment but, it has been noted elsewhere, both sides have good reasons to underestimate the Democrats’ hope of victory. It doesn’t address the certainty of post-election MAGA mayhem – with Vance’s continuing refusal to accept the 2020 election results and Tubby’s demand for military hardware (allegedly for “security,” obviously for purposes of insurrection) the latest chilling harbingers – but if that’s only an issue if we win. Dare to dream! 

SATURDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: LIES AND THE LYING LIARS WHO TELL THEM REDUX.

Some ragged guy was playing this on the train. Slaps, is that still the term?

Late again, Bullwinkle! And I’m busy and must be brief. I will only say in addition to the Free REBID Posts announcement (yes, soon, friends, be patient) that this has been a banner week for disinfo and misinfo, with dicks like Marco Rubio declaring the recent positive U.S. jobs report a fraud and, especially, Elmo and his bots claiming the administration isn’t sending help to the Helene-hit districts. It reminds me that, before the Crushing Boer took it over, Twitter was a valuable source of news and information, and now it’s just a perch to take pot-shots at the fakes and feebs who run rampant on it. 

I hate to give vibes-based reasons for voting the right way, as there are plenty of more solid ones (like the other guys are fascists with a Nazi program), but a valid motivation for shoving all the way back on the MAGA bullshit is that, despite their self-portrayal as champions of the common people, they’re mobbed up with the most evil billionaires with the craziest dystopian plans for any of us who aren’t in their Big Club, and they’re so confident of their ultimate victory that they’re showing their asses even now.

OK, here you go: Roy Edroso Breaks It Down free issues for non-subscribers for the week – one, my debate notes from Tuesday. I can understand the people who are mad that Walz didn’t go after the asshole more aggressively; I myself would have been pleased to see the bark stripped off him. (I bet some of you would have preferred Al Franken to be the Minnesotan in charge of smacking up Vance.) Some say that’s just “not him,” and that may be true, but I’m guessing the Harris campaign wants Walz to be earnest old uncle Tim as a point of difference from the competition – vote for us if you don’t wish to be ruled by madman -- and coached him to preserve that equity rather than get mad and blur the distinction. I also share the doubters’ concern that, in playing Concern rather than Fuck You, Walz came over as less butch than Vance, and that risks turning off the knuckleheads. But you know what? They’re lost already – Harris needs to maximize the sane-people vote. 

The other freebie is another episode of Received Opinion, where the pundits celebrate Trump’s New Leaf, yet again, in the nanosecond gap between I Will Help The Suffering Multitudes and I Will Kill All The Foreigners.

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: IF THEY'RE HITLER AND YOU KNOW IT EDITION.

We had lunch at a Turkish restaurant and much of the pleasure
was in the Turkish pop playing in the bakcground.

The mental disintegration of Tubby is getting harder for his enablers in the Prestige Press to normalize, but they keep trying. Yesterday when Zelensky had to meet with Trump to protect Ukraine’s interests, Trump ranted to reporters afterward that the beleaguered wartime leader – who had to maintain an embarrassed silence while standing next to him – had announced there was “absolutely nothing wrong” with Trump’s 2019 attempt to strong-arm him into incriminating Joe Biden (for which Trump was first impeached). This is not only untrue but nuts; Trump's behavior was more appropriate to a lunatic who thinks he’s president than someone who actually had the job and wants it back. 

Hilariously the Murdoch propaganda sheet New York Post actually got closer to truthfully characterizing this event with their headline, “Trump praises Zelensky in Trump Tower after accusing him of ‘nasty little aspersions’” than the Washington Post, which soberly declared “Trump meets with Zelensky, opening new chapter in a fraught relationship.” The New York Post didn’t get religion – it just went for the soap-opera angle to sell papers. Thus in their crassness they at least gave a glimpse of the weird pettiness of Trump’s act, while people who read the classier paper could skim the news and think “Famous foreigner met with both world leaders, everything is normal,” which is of course the Prestige Press’ suicidal strategy for this election campaign.

We who have free souls, it touches us not – and that’s why one of the free Roy Edroso Breaks It Down posts this week is about pushing back on this fluffery and calling the MAGA philosophy and behavior just what it is – fascist, even Nazi. Yeah, I know there are simps out there who’ll cover their ears and wince when you do that, but they’re hopeless. You want people who are only getting the soft-soap to focus on the hard reality, and it makes more sense to tell them what’s Nazi about these guys – and it is puh-lenty – than to try and chase down every stupid obfuscation by the Access Annies. 

The other freebie is about the Olivia Nuzzi nonsense and that, too, has to do with how people who – for reasons I can’t guess – chose a career in journalism cheerfully betray their craft by loudly defending the anti-ethics of one of their superstars. They act like they don’t know what’s unethical about a reporter having a romantic relationship with a candidate while slagging their opponent, though I’m sure they get drilled on this sort of thing at their expensive journalism schools. It’s as if the confusion is not over what behavior is wrong, but rather what right and wrong even are.

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: ...AND FUBAR, TOO, EDITION.

Hey greybeards! Sounds pretty good, huh? 2017. 
Modern stuff's hard to keep up with, but nice when you catch it.

I keep starting these F 'R-T-H posts with variations of "Wotta week, huh?" and I'm beginning to feel like I'm actually summoning the mayhem that inevitably escalates thereafter. Maybe it’s time to rechristen this feature “Situation Normal: All Fucked Up” in honor of our veterans. 

I see someone wanted to kill Tubby again, this time while he was golfing, and his fans are mad because no one gives a shit. I have two responses to this: First, the Secret Service and FBI et alia are running down assassination threats to Biden, Harris, et alia all the damn time; second, I was alive when President Gerald Ford, of all people, fielded not one but two actual attempts on his life (one involving Squeaky Fromme!) and we all just rolled with it because FOLKS WAS TOUGHER IN THEM DAYS. The late underground comics author Willy Murphy did a hilarious Arnold Peck strip inspired by that, showing Ford manning a mounted machine gun to help the Secret Service defend him from multiple assailants – here and here. So lighten up, Fanatics. (Willy Murphy was the greatest.)

Oh, and the Prestige Media Pantsing Proceeds Apace, with Maggie “Access Annie” Haberman blubbering that an “industry” (low-paying, believe me!) “on the left” that is “dedicated toward attacking the media,” and she wants everyone to know she and her fellow media swells are working darn hard not be Very Bias in their coverage of the guy who wants to deport millions of people and spreads racist lies to his millions of deranged followers. 

Minutes later we all find out Olivia “Forget Sleepy Joe, RFK Jr. is Where It's At” Nuzzi got suspended by New York magazine because she’d been having a “relationship” (no tongues, she swears) with the man himself. Very “how it stated/how it’s going,” that. 

And we haven’t even discussed that Mark Robinson shit! I’m not one to kink-shame, though as always with kinky conservatives there’s a big honking gap between the Republican gubernatorial candidate’s Death to Sexual Deviants policy and his pee-and-porn shadow life. Come on man, be free! As for the Black Nazi stuff, well, you have to remember it’s a significant part of his base. 

It has been observed that it will be hard for Democrats to use this material against him because so much of it is unacceptable in family-friendly media, but I think if they play it right the long bleeped-out sections with do the job fine. 

Oh, yeah, the Roy Edroso Breaks It Down freebies – this week we have two: One, a meditation (wait, come back! It’s good!) on why conservatives seem to love AI "art." Two, another scene from the villain’s-lair of Elon Musk. Eat it up, and subscribe so you never miss an issue! 

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: DOG SOLDIERS EDITION.

Ha ha, get it. Cool tune tho.

Helluva week, huh? I know, I said that last week, but it’s still true. I guess the highlight was Tubby’s wipeout in the debate on Tuesday – and my near-contemporaneous account thereof is our first Roy Edroso Breaks It Down freebie for the week. I’m not a positive-thinking kind of guy but I could see right away Trump had made a mess of it – I’d say he shit the bed, except with him I suppose that’s literally an everyday thing. Suffice to say any normal person viewing his ravings will have figured out he’s lost his mind, and even a few MAGA joy-poppers may have gotten sick of his malignant Billy Madison routine, too.

One proof-point of the catastrophe is the hysterical post-facto attempt by rightwing media outlets to convince viewers not to believe their lying eyes. You’d think that’d be a tough sell after wingnuts like Karl Rove and Andrew C. McCarthy threw in the towel, but here’s PJ Media (yep, still in business, God knows why) claiming “ABC whistleblower to reveal Harris campaign was given SAMPLE QUESTIONS” – which, number one, lol as if, and number two, if you need a mole to tell you the moderators will ask questions like “when it comes to the economy, do you believe Americans are better off now than they were four years ago?” you’re in the wrong business. 

Of course the more intense and disgusting MAGA cope is their doubling-down on Trump’s insane racist tirade about pet-eating Haitians in Springfield. JD Vance laid that groundwork (after the Ohio neo-Nazis shoveled it to him), as chronicled in our other REBID freebie.

While there’ve been a lot of funny jokes about this online, I find it ominous that the Republicans haven’t ditched it for some newer outrage. The story has been thoroughly debunked, but I don’t think these guys are even trying to convince people that it’s real anymore – they just want to keep the image of black foreigners eating dogs in front of white voters, in hopes that it will circumvent their frontal lobes and panic them into defending their race by voting for the Head Bigot in Charge. 

You remember when they were telling voters that Obama ate dogs, right? Their act doesn’t change much decade to decade, apart from getting wormier.

For our last freebie please enjoy my latest Mar-a-Lago Throne Room scene set directly after the ass-whipping, starring Tubby and the new glimmer twins, MTG and Laura Loomer. 

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: GET ME REWRITE (FOR TRUMP) EDITION.

My local coffee shop plays a lot of neo-soul.

I missed ‘Round-the-Horn last week, sorry! I was on an extended Labor Day break, during which I visited New York, which was partially the subject of my first return post at Roy Edroso Breaks It Down (yes, let’s get right to the freebies, shall we? No point in making you wait like kids at a rec center poverty Christmas event). The main subject is actual age and wisdom, but you may find it interesting even if you are neither old nor wise.

The second freebie imagines the logical next step in J.D. Vance’s self-humiliation campaign. The guy is amazingly bad; every few days it seems new clips are unearthed of him talking about how much he hates women and wishes to see them reduced to broodsows and unpaid domestic help. People blame his nomination on lazy vetting by the Trump brain trust, but I think it was a purposeful choice that events have proven useful. You may have noticed Tubby tergiversates a lot these days on political issues – as with his vague and inconsistent yammerings about reproductive health care. Some of the anti-abortion groups have complained about it, though I’m sure nearly all of them know he’s lying to confuse the suckers, and approve of it as pro-life taqiyyah; still, some MAGA creeps are mad that he sort of admitted he lost the 2020 election, and he's bound to piss more of them off as he blunders into November.

So Trump needs to send signals to the faithful that, despite all the bullshit, he's still the same cruel rightwing scumbag he’s always been. That’s where Vance comes in: Even when he tries to temporize and glad-hand he can’t help but reveal his hatefulness and contempt toward anyone different from himself, and this keeps the hardcore incels happy.

In other news: One of the many ways our Prestige Press coddles and enables Trump is by restating his increasingly weird gibberish as something resembling coherent statements.  This “sane-washing” has of late been addressed by press critics like Parker Molloy and others, especially since Trump’s recent mouthfarts at the Economics Club of New York were treated like Delphic wisdom by the New York Times. While some Prestige Press-adjacent commentators like Rachel Maddow and Philip Bump are hip to this, their newsdesks decidedly are not (e.g. AP: “Trump suggests tariffs can help solve rising child care costs in a major economic speech”). I think an under-appreciated effect of this presidential election – especially since all the journos’ obsession with presidential age vanished with the end of Biden’s candidacy, despite Tubby’s increasingly obvious mental deterioration – is that the media is losing the trust of its last constituency – liberals who long defended it out of a sentimental feeling for the Fourth Estate that its actual practitioners stopped living up to a long time ago. I’d like to think some reform might come out of it – but then I look around at all the other institutions of which I could say the same, and think again.