SATURDAY ‘ROUND THE HORN: I REFUSE TO LET THE NEIGHBORS RUN MY COURT EDITION.

Pure pop for now-and-then people.

Holy moley, I’m eight days late! (That’s what she said, fnar!) Yes, ‘Round-the-Horn is supposed to be a weekly event, apologies. Fortunately Roy Edroso Breaks It Down, the acclaimed publication which this serves as a feeder stream, is still bumping hard five days a week; with a subscription you get emails (on the regular for paying subs, on free-issue days only for easy riders), so if I forget to remind you here at alicublog you’ll still be in the loop. Come on, you gave your email to CVS! 

As it happens, there were no free issues that previous week -- I can’t be giving it away all the time, folks, this is how I keep body and soul together with a minimum of leakage along the seams. But this week we have two very good specimens, still fresh:

1. Part II of the Sam & Martha-Ann Alito vs. The Neighbors! If you missed Part One, it’s still available, though as with The Godfather Part II and all great sequels it’s unnecessary for enjoyment of this one. While the Alitos’ insurrectionary sentiments are not fun at all, there’s plenty of laughs in the fact that their neighbors hate them so much that, despite the traditional viciousness of wingnuts when crossed, the people forced to live near them decided it was worth the risk to rat them out. Grim Fascists don’t Make Good Neighbors, apparently. 

Part II comes after the surreptitious taping of these worthies at a conservative event appeared to confirm Mr. Alito’s extremism and Mrs. Alito’s lunacy. Naturally the tribunes of the rightwing press were enraged that anyone should stoop so low as to record the yammerings of these public figures supported by taxpayers dollars and whatever bribes Clarence Thomas hasn’t already hoovered up. “A political activist infiltrated a gala to try provoking Justice Alito and his wife,” sputters The Wall Street Journal, who would much prefer you only hear about the Alitos via Sam himself in the op-ed space the paper so generously extends to him from time to time. 

2. Yet another David French “why are my fellow conservatives so mean to me, a conservative?” blubberfest. Longtime readers know of my contempt for this pious fraud – a complete rightwing evangelical, anti-abortion, anti-contraception, and anti-LGBTQ, with all the pathologies pertaining thereunto, but because he’s mastered a winsome can’t-we-all-get-along shtick, he’s promoted by prestige media saps like the New York Times’ leadership. Now the MAGA majority in his own movement are coming at him hotter than usual – not only slurring him for adopting a black child, but getting him kicked off a Christian event – and once again he complains that the leopards he fed and nurtured for so many years continue to find his face delicious.  

So why is he still a conservative (acceptable media version)? As everyone should know by now, the key to conservative success is that its adherents will endure no end of neglect or punishment so long as the people they really hate get it even worse. I’m sure this con artist prays every day for a Trump victory so that gay and trans people and women who choose not to serve as broodslaves will suffer. A true Christian martyr, he’ll endure a few harsh words for that!