FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN: YOU-PROBLEM EDITION.

Went down a K hole the other night.

I have said more than once that the New York Post is Rupert Murdoch’s primary stateside lie-diffuser – more than even the Wall Street Journal, since people who can barely read can still comprehend and consume the Post’s retrograde and racist bullshit -- and the tendency of journalists to laugh it off just because it has funny headlines (“Headless Body in Topless Bar, chortle chortle gotta love the Post”) is a key example of the profession’ disgusting dereliction in the face of far-right institutional capture. 

Nonetheless, one wishes the Plantonic Post that the trimmers imagine really did exist, so it could headline the Trump trial with SCUM SLEEPS. The trial is disturbing for a lot of reasons – for example (speaking of the prestige press), the heedless dissemination of the jurors’ identities so Tubby’s goons can muscle them, and the defendant’s continual, unpunished flouting of court rules, which aids the Trump project of delegitimizing all authority that is not exclusively under his control. 

But the trial is also funny because Trump lacks impulse control and indeed any sense of decorum other than that which he believes is owed to himself; so even on trial, with his freedom at risk and the eyes of the world upon him, he farts and mutters and nods off.

If you follow Roy Edroso Breaks It Down you know his self-control issues are reminiscent of our sketches about The Formula, the pharmaceutical blend that keeps Trump afloat. So the first of this week’s freebies for non-subscribers is a session with Dr. Ronny “Feelgood” Jackson to get the mix right for Tubby’s trial. Hijinks ensure! Enjoy. 

Our other freebie is a parable, if you will, of the NeverTrumpers and JustTheTipTrumpers drifting down the Amazon in fading expectation of, any moment now, reviving the Good Republican Party. The inspiration here is a ridiculous Times op-ed proposing that non-MAGA conservatives “create a Republican Party in exile, a counterestablishment dedicated to recapturing the party from the outside,” the possibility of which falls somewhere between the return of Bonnie Prince Charlie and a Carlist revival. One want to say, “face it, guys – this Id Monster is of your own devising, and if you won’t own up and help get rid of it you’re complicit” -- but that suggests some kind of involuntary false consciousness (like that targeted by the 60s slogan “if you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem”); the reality is these guys know they’re full of shit and wish to play both sides against the middle. If Tubby II is not effectuated, Bill Barr, who just ended a long run of Trump criticism by endorsing the man he said “shouldn’t be anywhere near the Oval Office,” will just shrug and quietly reseat himself among the Good Conservatives who expect to be treated as the Loyal Opposition. I say let’s not.