Friday, April 12, 2024


Friend of mine alerted me. This is the kind of goofy shit I love.

Yeah, I missed last week’s edition. I offer no apologies. It’s been a long time between vacations – last time I got four nights of rest was my pancreatectomy a year ago – and between the straight job and the five days of week dishing out premium copy at Roy Edroso Breaks It Down I’m to' up and worn out. 

And speaking of Roy Edroso Breaks It Down, I know some of you missed the free issues I usually hand out on Fridays like NutraSweet gumballs. Well, a got a couple for you today.

First is one of my little playlets – longtimers will know I have a whole little REBIDverse with settings like the Mar-a-Lago Throne Room, the Decision Desk at Received Opinion with Bolt Upright, etc. This week it’s X Headquarters in San Francisco where America’s favorite supervillain/buffoon reacts to some bad publicity. It’s been a hard couple of weeks for Elmo the Unready – a $6 billion haircut on Tesla, the collapse of his ridiculous court action against the Center for Countering Digital Hate, and, perhaps most ignominiously, the exposure of his embarrassing testimony in a separate case. One can only imagine how this must chafe his famously sensitive self-image – or rather, one needn’t, because I have! Enjoy.

The other freebie is a brief bit of counsel on Tubby’s attempt to back away from his own anti-abortion record – namely, don’t get caught up in his bullshit, just say “he’s lying like always” and walk away. I wrote it before the Arizona Supreme Court shit the bed with its pre-civil-war forced-birth cosplay, but the basic message not only still applies to Trump, it self-evidently also applies to all the panic-stricken wingnuts who mired themselves in that policy. Kari Lake’s mealy-mouthed pro-choice turnaround is hilarious – like Franz Liebkind trying to distract from his Nazism by singing “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy” in The Producers – but even better are the hardcore anti-abortionists trying to make their panicked troops hold the line, like the editors of National Review:

Republicans can put [Democrats] back on the defensive for their extremism on abortion and make a case that the law should protect life at some stage of pregnancy — but only if they put old grievances aside and offer voters a practical alternative.

“Look, we’ll let you subhumans murder your preborn angel-babies for a couple of weeks, tops, but after that we lock you in the birthin’ sheds. C’mon, bitches, we’re meeting you halfway!” One is tempted not to tell them how badly they’re fucking up, but I actually think they know and can’t help themselves, which just makes it funnier. 

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