DNC DAY 3/4.

Yeah, I skipped yesterday's events -- I'm only one man! And those fuckers at my job keep wasting my time with their stupid commercial bullshit (don't they know exceptions must be made for genius?). I will say that it's fun to watch the pros work. Biden and Obama were their usual masterful selves, as if you couldn't tell by the pissy reactions of conservatives. And if Keen Tim Kaine was a little goofy and square, I figure Virginia's 13 electoral votes are worth some dad rock. (I remind you that they go for guys like him in some other states that need a push, too.)

I will add that of all the Biden bits full of his vaunted sincerity and schmaltz, what stood out for me, and God bless him for bringing it up, was his riff on Trump's catchphrase:

His lack of empathy and compassion can be summed up in a phrase that I suspect he’s most proud of having made famous, you’re fired. I mean really, I’m not joking. Think about that. Think about that. Think about everything you learned as a child, no matter where you were raised. How can there be pleasure in saying, you’re fired? He’s trying to tell us, he cares about the middle class, give me a break. That’s a bunch of malarkey.

Quite right. One of the worst things about reality TV is celebrities condemning ordinary people on the basis of arbitrary and usually shitty judgment. It's bad enough that Simon Cowell is telling anyone who's talented and who's not. (One of the few unambiguously good things Dave Grohl has given us, BTW, is his speech about how reality poobahs would never have promoted anything as raw and cool as Nirvana.) But what was worst about The Apprentice was the sick joy some working people took in seeing other working people ground into the dirt for not coming up to the standards of Donald Trump -- whose real-life executive farm team has never produced anything but worthless yes-men and pigs. Fuck, I worked for the scumbag myself years ago as a busboy at the Grand Hyatt, his ugly pretense of class on 42nd Street; I slaved over tables while wearing an ugly, uncomfortable polyester uniform someone probably convinced Trump looked like what servants wore in Mittel Europa castles. The only thing that made it worthwhile was the union, which guaranteed me a good wage and job security. Imagine Donald Trump, who loves sitting on his fat ass firing people, without the constraint of a strong union, and you have envisioned his presidency.

UPDATE. I kinda like Katy Perry but not as a Camp Chippewa team leader. If you guys are going for the MOR demographic, guys, you gotta make it more fun -- wait a minute, I'm not Mark Penn, why should they listen to me.

UPDATE 2. I kinda like Chelsea Clinton, too, but not as an emblem of "family, female empowerment division" -- whoops, same problem. Well, maybe they were just counting on their adversaries making fools of themselves over her. If so, good move (and I haven't even gotten to Deeper Wingnuttia! Don't worry, you'll see plenty of that shit over the next three months).

UPDATE 3. OK, I'm listening and God bless her, but after all these years she's still pretty stiff. I mean, she's laboriously hitting all the talking points, and I understand why she's laboring: It's not necessarily an issue of talent, and more likely because this country is not inclined to elect any woman President -- hell, even the brain-damaged bint Sarah Palin knows that -- and Clinton has to tread gingerly at every step (while at the same time trying to sound confident and tough) because no one is going to give her a break. Still, she's going awfully hard down the middle -- hell, she talked positively about the "compromises" the Founders made, as if some of us don't remember the biggest Compromise called Three-Fifths.

On the other hand, she has to keep clearing her throat, which I find endearing -- maybe she's been sneaking smoke breaks! And over time, her laboriousness seems less annoying and more admirable -- perhaps because, during the boring bits, you can imagine that great fat shark Trump circling, waiting for a chance to devour the U.S. Treasury (the prospect of total civilizational collapse powerful concentrates the mind) -- and also because she makes a pretty good case for the laborious approach:  "It's not just a detail if it's your kid, if it's your family -- it's a big deal, and it should be a big deal to your President, too." Yeah, OK: Maybe, if you're going to govern in prose, it's okay to campaign in prose too.

And she's got some good lines, too: "Whenever a barrier falls in America, it clears the way for everyone ... when there are no ceilings, the sky's the limit!" Scott Adams is writhing in terror, which would be a good reason to vote for her all by itself. Also, when she's being serious -- that is, not smiling -- of course the usual assholes go "oooh, mean Hillary," which is another reason to vote for her. (Also, too, whatever Bernie Bro assholes the "Hillary" chants are drowning out. Jeez, guys, we lost; show a little class. If we lose, you'll get your chance to reenact the McGovern campaign in four years.)

But, bottom line: she's all that stands between us and Il Douche. And, really, that's it; I really don't need to watch much more of this, and only the possibility that the roof will fall in is keeping me attentive. There's no possibility of a Murray Kempton/Bob Dole Romeo & Juliet story here -- you literally have to be an asshole to back Trump. And I guess, at minimum, we have to show the world and ourselves that we're not a nation of assholes.