FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN.

The situation's hopeless. You know it's true.

• Krystle Schoonveld at The Federalist:

6 Reasons To Sext Your Husband

Um.

...There are many reasons you should send your husband pictures of yourself scantily dressed, or racy text messages reminding him of the night before. After all, sex is important in a marriage. It is the physical representation of the way you feel about one another, and it’s fun. Sexting can enhance the experience of making the beast with two backs, and can help your marriage be even stronger than before.

Here's another tip: Stop calling it making the beast with two backs.

1. Foreplay
Are you planning a romp in the sheets later that night?

To do: 1. Laundry 2. Lunch with Jill. 3. Canning. 4. Romp in the sheets. 5. Write Federalist column. 6. Me-time!!!

Sexting him during work, or perhaps on his way home, will prime him for the event.

"Went right through the crossing gate just as the train was coming, Detective. We found this on his phone."

Lucky for you, there is a good chance he will reciprocate with hot texts and pictures.

"What're you doing, Len?" "Taking a dump, same as you." "Yeah but your foot's all the way inside my stall!" "Just trying to get a good angle." "What?" "Oh, come on. You're a married man yourself!"

...Sure, he has seen you naked a thousand times. But your man won’t turn down seeing you nude if he has the opportunity. A man is a visual creature, and a woman has the visual assets to intensify the attention she receives from her spouse, if she so chooses...

I could go on (I'm tempted, believe me -- I haven't even gotten to "Yes, this refers to the all-important Spank Bank", nor her reference to the "coitus arsenal"), but I have to ask: Who is this for? Some lady who doesn't know men like homemade porn? Is it like a rightwing version of Joan Allen in the tub in Pleasantville? Here's what I think: After the 2012 election, Instapundit Glenn Reynolds called on conservatives to take over ladies' magazines, on the theory that they could be used to hypnotize women into voting Republican. Maybe Schoonveld is a sleeper cell. (Picked a bad year to activate her, if so!) Either that --

Your goal is keeping him focused on your skills and assets, proving to him that you still think about taking his skin bus to Tuna Town too...

...or it's a Poe. Won't be the first time one has fooled me.