YANKEE DOODLE DUMBASS.

I've been coming to this library for years, reading books, using the computers, and sometimes making withdrawals that I never returned. The Feds claim I took hundreds of books and owe thousands of dollars in fines on them, but you know what liars they are. Besides, these books belong to me by right; it says "public" library right on the door, doesn't it? And am I not the public? Also, this land here used to be Indian land, and my ancestors helped kill a lot of those Indians. Surely I should have this library if only as a prize for my great-great-great-great-grandaddy's service.

But these jackboots and lickspittles got a little pushy about the overdue books -- plus the tools I liberated from the department of public works, and that cop car my buddies hot-wired -- so my fellow patriots and I had no choice but to take possession of the library. The ease with which we took it I consider even more proof that this property belongs to us by right. And we thought the Feds must see it that way too, since they treated us respectfully, befitting citizens of a sovereign state.

Nonetheless we convened citizen grand juries to bring the sheriffs and deputies (so-called) and all federal agents to justice once the Rebellion came. But we planned give them a fair trial, notwithstanding their treasons, and if found guilty they would have been permitted access to a preacher and last words before they were hanged. We are not savages.

You may have heard that the people of the towns did not support our occupation. They wanted to use the library themselves, you may have heard, and they wanted the research that was being done here to continue. I am sure not many felt this way, but let me assure you that this library was liberated on their behalf and in their names, and that once the Rebellion came, anyone who swore the Loyalty Oath would have been able to borrow books on even friendlier terms than they had before my fellow patriots and I took it over. They would also have had access to that portion of the library that was already in my home, though on a limited schedule.

As for the so-called research, I hope our friends and neighbors know that it was never of any use to them. We went through that research and saw it was just a lot of gobbledegook, dead languages and so on, and Big Lies like global warming. Actually these so-called scholars were being used by the federal government as an excuse to keep the people from having full access to the facility. This is why we had commenced clearing out this research area, and planned to outfit these rooms with sofas and wide-screen TV as soon as our next shipment of provender came in, when the trouble came.

Already we see the Feds and their lapdog press trying to make out that our fallen comrade Crazy Zeke was responsible for his own death, just because he was fond of saying that the Feds would never take him alive and that he would kill anyone who tried. But I am sure the people know what he was really saying: Don't tread on me. I am also sure those of my comrades the press claim have run away are already busy arranging for my bail. Stay strong, brothers and sisters, and work for the Rebellion. The library is yours.