FROM THE LADY-CONVINCING LABS OF THE RIGHT!

At The Federalist:

How To Fix Conservatives’ Single Women Problem

Author G.W. Thielman starts with thousands of econo-bot words about how unmarried American women are driven by manlessness ("low sex ratio") to become either parasitic "NISAS" ("non-independent single adults"), whores (who "obtain affection from high-status men by marketing features deemed physically attractive"), or successful career women which is just as bad because What She Really Wanted Was Children. In all incarnations they are liberals, so Thielman seeks corrective action:

Two suggestions are offered. First, we should voluntarily assist these single mothers through charities and other private agencies.

All this money we're spending on health care could be going to crisis pregnancy centers! And:

Second, because such women lack the knowledge to ground philosophical principles, we ought to convey stories about the adverse effects of intrusive government.

See, someone told him stories work better than charts, so he ran the numbers and found promise in the theorem:

Most NISAs presume that conservatives are mean-spirited ogres who plot their continued misery. The need a new target for their resentment, one that affects ordinary folk personally.

But how? Perhaps conservatives could learn to talk like normal people.... but no, Thielman proposes repeating the kind of heartless-bureaucrat tales you find in Reason magazine, which perhaps he plans to leave laying around in beauty parlors. (The worst ones are about cops killing black people, which shows how desperate he must be.) Eventually, he even considers the use of tinsel and glamour:

Cinema provides a further glimpse of government abuse of power. Titled “Changeling,” a 2008 film depicts a parent’s most agonizing fear: kidnapping by a serial killer. In 1928, Christine Collins, a single mother living in Los Angeles, discovers her nine-year-old son, Walter, missing. The police produce another boy and declare all is well, proffering excuses for the switch, and commit Collins to a psychiatric ward for insisting on learning the truth. Eventually, Gordon Northcott was caught and eventually executed for kidnapping and murdering about 20 children in Riverside County.

When I see a movie like that, my first instinct isn't, "Boy, we oughta pitch all those loafers off Medicaid," but perhaps I'm insufficiently in touch with my feminine side. If the flickers don't work, Thielman proposes direct address:

Advocates for less government must ask low-information voters, like Julia, whom the media continually remind of the state’s beneficence, one simple question that separates ordinary mind-your-own-business people who appreciate limited government and rule of law from the busybody centripetalists that micromanage our affairs: “Whom do you distrust less: your neighbor, or the state?"

Whereupon Julia closes the door, thinking "I thought the Jehovah's Witnesses were bad." Thereafter Thielman seems to lose the thread, spouting gobbledygook like this --

By contrast, tyrannical fiat resembling a once-and-future Hillary “what difference does it make?” “not marked classified” “cloth wipe” Clinton would invite transnational attack and dis­memberment from those who intend us harm while we fecklessly engage in navel-gazing.

-- and subheds like "Female Rule Won’t Mean a Better World." Geez, buddy, why don't you try bringing them some flowers and telling them they look nice?