Sunday, July 19, 2015

CONSERVATIVE OUTREACH TO WOMEN IS GOING GREAT, AGAIN.

Carly Fiorina did a short video for BuzzFeed in which she turns around popular sexist tropes in an office setting -- e.g., "How do you walk in those shoes?" "I didn't know men could be funny," "Does your wife help out with the kids?" It's a little over a minute long, totally innocuous, and of a genre that goes back to George S. Kaufman's If Men Played Cards As Women Do, at least. If anything the effect is to make Fiorina seem like a good sport, and not just the woman who nearly destroyed Hewlett Packard and thinks that was a good stepping stone to the Presidency.

Yet Amy Miller at Legal Insurrection thinks the video is worse than bad. While admitting through gritted teeth that "humanity goes a long way when it comes to connecting with voters and gaining trust on a more personal level," she says,
Carly is funny, engaging, and smart—but she used that power for evil. She walked into a young, modern, progressive venue, and threw her own womanhood under the bus in an effort to pander to a base that will never vote for her. 
Fiorina has defined herself as a businesswoman, CEO, and force to be reckoned with; she should not have to—and should never (NEVER)—have to play into the hands of liberals who work every day to manufacture divides in our society. 
This isn’t effective outreach; it’s Stockholm Syndrome.
Maybe she thinks gender reversal jokes are the first step toward gender reversal, Caitlin Jenner, and dogs and cats living together. Sadder still is Ashe Schow at the Washington Independent Examiner, who admitted "that I laughed multiple times throughout the video" before she got her mind right and "concluded that it was just another attempt to divide people" through the dark art of humor. Schow even explained why some specific sections did not meet her standards for minute-long internet joke videos. For example, the "men talking over women" gag:
This one I've experienced. Maybe it's sexism, maybe I didn't speak up loudly enough. I've had people steal my ideas — and my jokes — because I wasn't heard and they were.
I'd love to know what ideas of Ashe Schow's somebody stole, and what workplace they were worth stealing in.
One example of this occurred at one of my previous jobs — but I can't conclusively say that it was due to the fact that I am woman and not, say, the fact that I was new to politics and knew very little compared to the people around me (I definitely lacked confidence due to that).
You've all been there, right, ladies? Some man talks over you and then steals your idea, and you think, hmm, maybe I'm to blame for this, but one thing I'm sure about is that it has nothing to do with institutional sexism.
...it also happens to men. Certain bosses take credit for their subordinate's ideas, regardless of whether the subordinate is a man or a woman.
Also, in prison men rape other men, so I don't see why everyone makes such a big deal about women getting raped. On the joke about women getting asked about work and family more than men:
The difference here reflects poorly on both sexes. When women are asked this, the implied question seems to be: "Why don't you spend more time with your children?" At the same time, not asking this question of men comes with the undertone that men don't need to be there for their children, or simply don't need to care about them.
I bet men really suffer from this one. No one asks if I'm spending time with the kids. I feel so -- not-validated! 

They have a female candidate who's pretty conservative and the minute she acknowledges the experience of many, many women voters it's like she turned into Germaine Greer. They're really asking a lot of their white male base in 2016.

210 comments:

  1. Ahhhh ... Both sexes do it!

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  2. hellslittlestangel1:42 PM

    Stockholm Syndrome! Why doesn't Carly Fiorina just change her name to Tania and proclaim death to the misogynist insect?

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  3. Well, she IS competing with Donald Trump!

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  4. Nothing worse than a conservative demonstrating a sense of humor and a glimmering of intelligence! The Horror!

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  5. Shorter Women's Gun and Freedom Brigade: "How DARE Snarly Figurina be clever and congenial for once when we're only comfortable being shrill harpies?"

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  6. TGuerrant2:09 PM

    should never (NEVER)—have to play into the hands of liberals who work every day to manufacture divides in our society

    Wait. Ummm. See, mostly I put up with gibbering assholes because if they have even one thin, tiny strand of progressive thought I feel like I'm supposed to encourage them and befriend them since I'm a liberal and we're about putting aside differences and moving forward together because life will just get worse and worse if we don't.

    Shit. Mr I Am Your Stepfather (and all his gnarly pals) can put his ass in the nearest can. HERE I COME, THE DISSING LIBRUL, IN A BAD MOOD WITH NO LUBE.
    ________________________
    P.S. Roy... Sunday? Thanks, man. Seriously. You're the hardest working unpaid genius I know. And you write real good, too.

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  7. HKatz2:20 PM

    "concluded that it was just another attempt to divide people"



    That odd idea that the people who point out the divisions are making the divisions. Like, the people who point out sexism are the most sexist people around. The ones who point out racism are the only real racists. If only people would stop pointing out problems, the problems would disappear.

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  8. She walked into a young, modern, progressive venue...


    Not that this is the first wingnut who's ever referred to BuzzFeed as some sort of liberal bastion, but I'm always puzzled. I keep going over there expecting to find a well thought out collection of Howard Zinn-inspired animated .gifs proving that America is the devil, and instead all I find is this pop culture crap. Where am I supposed to go to find listicles on the sins of the white man? Where are my quizzes on the fascists lurking in the global corporate structure? Utter bullshit.

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  9. Hey, I'll have you know that Republicans are blind to all distinctions and see only virtues and faults. The fact that they see a lot more faults in woman and black men is purest coincidence.

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  10. LA Julian2:33 PM

    They want a woman conservative candidate as a figurehead they can point to as proof of their token diversity WE'RE NOT SEXIST YOU'RE THE REAL SEXISTS, but heaven forbid she actually talk about sexism!

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  11. JohnMyroro2:41 PM

    Women who want to be Republicans should organize. Maybe form groups. Call themselves Ranch House Republicans or GOPrim.

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  12. Ellis_Weiner3:02 PM

    "not asking this question of men comes with the undertone..."


    I'm going to ask a question that comes with an overtone of incredulity: Why does someone too stupid to realize how ridiculous this phrase is, have to announce her opinions about politics? Can't she just have silly opinions about entertainment and stuff? It's not her gender I object to. It's what passes for the brain of her mind, you see.

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  13. Jaime Oria3:12 PM

    12 Signs That You Might Be The Augusto Pinochet Of Your Office.

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  14. Buzzfeed is media, and any media that does not proffer fawning praise and reverberating echoes of conservative ideal of the moment is, by definition, liberal.

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  15. So I guess the new ideal for a Conservative candidate is that they appeal only to Conservatives--and only to True Conservatives, at that.

    Any candidate who appeals to, or tries to appeal to, a wider audience is a traitor to the cause; a limp-wristed rubber-spined lackey of the liberal forces.

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  16. Brian J.3:28 PM

    Pretty much. That was the guiding "principle" in the Mississippi Senate race last year, where it was a huge scandal that Thad Cochran's campaign tried to get *gasp* black people to vote for them.

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  17. Megalon3:29 PM

    More than that, they're EVIL. I mean, walking into a "young, modern, progressive venue" and talking to them? She should have known that hipster beards are the swastika armbands of Liberal Fascism.

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  18. hipster beards are the swastika armbands of Liberal Fascism.

    I am sooooo stealing this. And growing a beard ASAP.

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  19. When one of your grounding tenets is "Compromise = capitulation," the next logical step is to begin excluding candidates with appeal outside your own group. The stupid is very strong with these people.

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  20. This one weird trick will disarm America!

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  21. So I've been told.

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  22. "Hipster beards are the swastika armbands of Liberal Fascism?" That sounds really uncomfortable for the hipster. This sentence is also breaking google translate the world over.

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  23. HKatz3:38 PM

    Not pure coincidence, but objective reality. They see many more faults in women and black men, because women and black men have many more faults. Of course, most women and black men have a different opinion on the matter, but we all know they're emotional and biased.

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  24. these 12 cat videos will totally explain the intersectionality of the centering and hegemonic misandry

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  25. Anything that does not glorify GOP is a sin.

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  26. I don't see sex.*
    *At least not often enough.

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  27. sophronia3:50 PM

    So wait a minute. I always thought it was the horrible feminists who were trying to pretend that there were no differences between men and women, and that was the most terrible thing ever in all of history. But now, saying that men and women are different is suddenly the work of evil liberals "manufacturing divides in our society." I guess Carly Fiorina didn't get the updated talking points either.

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  28. Jaime Oria3:53 PM

    Josh Duggar Fully Internalized Dominionist Home-School Doctrine on Gender & Sexuality - You Won't Believe What Happens Next! (Video)

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  29. sophronia3:54 PM

    Also, I'm having a really hard time picturing the concept of "throwing her own womanhood under a bus." Maybe a diagram would be helpful?

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  30. coozledad3:55 PM

    You stole that from her, didn't you?

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  31. The internet: Obviously, you're doing it wrong.

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  32. coozledad3:58 PM

    GOPrim

    So ass-eating is a thing with Republican women now? I'm trying to figure out if I'm surprised.

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  33. Jaime Oria3:58 PM

    The squeezings of her mind grapes, if you will.

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  34. Ellis_Weiner4:00 PM

    I will, God help me.

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  35. LA Julian4:00 PM

    The thing is, generally Fiorina is exactly what the conservative base wants -- dumb as a bag of hammers (rain follows the dam!), a grifter who fails upwards (cough, HP, cough), someone who spares no hyperbole when it comes to demonizing her opponents (demon sheep...) and like Palin a woman, so they can point to how they're the REAL egalitarians -- but she makes the mildest of remarks about easily-observed sexist trends in the workplace, and now she's worse than Donald Trump.


    The mind, it is flabbergasted.

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  36. coozledad4:02 PM

    Don't tell her about the Tofuttikopf.

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  37. coozledad4:05 PM

    But Thad got a pass on fucking his cattle.

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  38. Trampling out the vintage
    Where the grapes of dumb are stored.

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  39. https://youtu.be/WJL6MocMxZo

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  40. bekabot4:23 PM

    "They're really asking a lot of their white male base in 2016."

    Maybe so, but I have a feeling the white male base will deliver (OTOH, they're not gonna give it up for Carly Fiorina).

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  41. bekabot4:31 PM

    It's a lot like the Van Physics in Chapter 3 of Twilight. Non-Einsteinian forces seem to be involved and it's better not to think about them.

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  42. Magatha5:19 PM

    Actually, it's death to the fascist insect that preys upon the life of the people. But death to the misogynist insect works for me.

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  43. smut clyde5:28 PM

    Trying to win votes outside the base is unpossible, for all those people beyond the Barrier are Divisive. That's why we must seal ourselves away from them.

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  44. smut clyde5:36 PM

    You're the hardest working unpaid genius I know.

    Those divides in our society won't manufacture themselves! Sunday is just another day, a liberal fills it with an 8-hour shift at the Divides Factory.

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  45. Downpup E5:36 PM

    Nah, forget fascist. That octopus has sung its last swan song.

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  46. smut clyde5:38 PM

    I'd love to know what ideas of Ashe Schow's somebody stole


    I would also like to know which of her jokes somebody stole.

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  47. smut clyde5:40 PM

    I tried kicking my own manhood to the kerb but it was neither as easy nor as much fun as it sounds.

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  48. smut clyde5:43 PM

    Mine ears have heard the story of the stupid and the bored.

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  49. Brian J.5:44 PM

    Our ennui marches on. Glory, glory, hallezzzzzzzzz...

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  50. MCSquared6:30 PM

    It's the same principle that governs how the coyote can continue to chase the road-runner out into thin air and not fall until he looks down. If he never looked down, he could continue to run forever.

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  51. StringOnAStick6:39 PM

    I found it interesting that in Gov. Christie's presidentin' announcement, he claimed that compromise is what DC needs. I figured that would end his run before it even began, but then I realized that compromise in wingnut-eze means Democratic capitulation to all rethug demands and Christie's audience obviously understood that (e.g., there was no booing after he said that).

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  52. "Please sir, may I have some more of that porridge paid for from your colossal wealth?"


    "Why do you use such divisive rhetoric? This is literally class war!"

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  53. JohnMyroro7:14 PM

    I'm as fascist as the next liberal, but I think I'll wear a fake one. I can take it off when I drift leftward. Or would that be drifting rightward?

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  54. Ellis_Weiner7:21 PM

    Speaking of: Here's the Old Perfesser hisself interviewing Fiorina. Her two selling points? "Zero-based budgeting" and "negotiating." Look out, Trump.

    http://tinyurl.com/olde8mr

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  55. If only people would stop pointing out problems, the problems would disappear.I have devised a pithy saying to capture this sentiment: "Terminating with extreme prejudice the mere intermediary employed for delivery of an undesired message."

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  56. She walked into a young, modern, progressive venue...... and said "Ouch!"

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  57. Of all the young, modern, progressive joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

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  58. montag27:40 PM

    Give her a little time. After getting the message, she'll be talking like Phyllis Schlafly before you can say, "punch a bull dyke feminist hippie."

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  59. montag27:56 PM

    Probably the one that appealed to guy with no sense of humor.

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  60. You'll be shocked!

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  61. montag28:12 PM

    Liberal Fascism.

    Y'know, I don't think Der Pantload has suffered nearly enough yet for writing that.

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  62. Shorter Amy Miller: Feminists are the real sexists.

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  63. What about girl on girl sexism?

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  64. So I guess the new ideal for a Conservative candidate is that they appeal only to Conservatives--and only to True Conservatives, at that.Given how scared I've become over watching my country flirt with self-implosion, this is vaguely reassuring to me. Remember how W had to peddle unmitigated horseshit about "compassionate conservatism"? That figleaf was practically transparent, but he still needed the excuse. Yet now you get the feeling that the consultants are tearing their hair out, because the base won't play along with catapaulting the baloney. "Shut up and let us bullshit the dumbfuck swing voters, so we can recapture the White House and finish destroying the commonwealth," they cry, apparently to no avail. Gives me hope slightly less despair.

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  65. And I say "Ouch!"

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  66. If only she'd chosen a knee, say, instead of my elbow.

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  67. montag28:35 PM

    There's real consternation and confusion in that little pout: Fiorina's gone all feminazi on us. That's Hillary's job!

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  68. The weird thing is that riffing on male sexism/stupidity/style is very much part of classic comedy and a natural outgrowth of what right wingers consider the hard wiring of natural sex differences. Men do it like this and women do it like that--its the basis of a lot of comedy. But suddenly it becomes off limits when it doesn't result in telling the joke at the expense of women every single time?

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  69. DocAmazing8:58 PM

    You can let the beard drift in any direction you want.

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  70. Derby McBowlerson9:29 PM

    How many fuckin' years have they been complaining that conservatives have no access to any " young, modern, progressive venue?" What the fuck is with these fuckers? Fuck, man...

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  71. susanoftexas9:33 PM

    Yes.
    Miller said Fiorina threw her womanhood under the bus by saying sexism exists. If you accuse anyone of sexism you are not being womanly; you are not being submissive to gender roles. Jokes must reinforce gender roles. Humor must punch down because punching up is disrespectful to authority.
    I bet conservative women spend a lot of time at the office if they can. You can tell everyone else to submit while enjoying your freedom.

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  72. And that's how California Closets can bring YOU such low, low prices!

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  73. Too bad she was a phalangist.

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  74. BigHank539:45 PM

    Look, we're not talking about people who like to fire up the ol' thinker and take it for a spin around the marketplace of idea, you know what I mean?

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  75. Tehanu9:57 PM

    There's also "Eat flaming death, fascist media pigs!" and its corollary, "Eat fascist death, flaming media pigs!"

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  76. If Jonah would only write a book on Liberal Phalangism. It could be a bare-knuckled exposé.

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  77. susanoftexas10:17 PM

    You rang?

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  78. montag210:20 PM

    It's seems to them a conundrum, despite the fact that their whole philosophy, to the narrow extent that they have a philosophy, beyond "Igotminefuckyouism," is one of uncompromising stasis, at best, or reactionary regressivism, at worst, and they are just perplexed, y'know, why progressives would see them as an impediment and tend to ignore them.

    That they get a chance and then piss on it shouldn't be surprising.

    They don't score any points in the clearheaded thinking department.

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  79. AGoodQuestion10:54 PM

    This isn’t effective outreach; it’s Stockholm Syndrome.

    Having Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State and watching Lena Dunham lip sync has given Fiorina Stockhoolm Syndrome and convinced her she's a woman.

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  80. Good point. I've seen a few drooler comment sections (& Trump's Fookbook page); the yobs are proud to announce their disgust w/ McCain & continuing support for D.T.


    This & some more Confederate Battle Flag-waving should cost the consultants & candidates a few more follicles.

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  81. AGoodQuestion11:00 PM

    You Won't Believe What Happens Next!
    Is he old enough to run for Congress? Or is that a spoiler?

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  82. He can't suffer enough for that.

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  83. Between the hipster beards & wingnut face-mullets I think facial hair is out for men.

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  84. AGoodQuestion11:03 PM

    Absolutely. They'll ignore media that's actually liberal in order to harangue media that's merely commercial, just as they'll spend 100 hours a week policing the speech of an innocuous late night comic.

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  85. Unrequested assist:
    Somehow "derp" scans better than dumb. Maybe it's the R sound (like "wrath").


    Quibbles aside, I still laughed aloud.

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  86. AGoodQuestion11:07 PM

    Maybe a diagram would be helpful?
    Wait, you didn't say "diaphragm"?

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  87. There used to be an image of a couple of portly college Republicans, one sucking the others tie.

    I can't find it now, so there you go!

    #OMGJadeHelm
    ~

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  88. "Carly is funny, engaging, and smart—but she used that power for evil"


    Yeah... conservatives can thank their God none of the OTHER Pug candidates can be described that way...

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  89. AGoodQuestion11:16 PM

    As funny, engaging, and smart? No, I'm quite sure they can't be.

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  90. redoubtagain11:18 PM

    This. All along the media is, before being liberal or conservative, capitalist; for people who supposedly are realist they sure don't get actual reality.

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  91. YNWA4051511:23 PM

    "Ted Cruz is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist...but he is NOT a porn star. ...."

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  92. John Wesley Hardin3:18 AM

    "any media that does not proffer fawning praise and reverberating echoes of the conservative ideal of the moment is, by definition, liberal."

    Sounds like a corollary of Cleek's law.

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  93. John Wesley Hardin3:18 AM

    Is that Saul Alinsky in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

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  94. John Wesley Hardin3:20 AM

    Critics would still give him the finger.

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  95. Is this a new pattern with GOP primaries wherein there are a series of poll-leading candidates that suck up all the oxygen only to say or do something so monumentally stupid they dry up instantly? Last time around it was fools like Perry leading until he forgot how to count to three, or Cain until his ex-employees remembered how to dial the new media, or Gingrich until he forgot to file to run in his home state.
    This time, it's Cruz until he forgets how to talk, then Trump until he forgot how to shut up. Next up? Maybe Walker needs a week or two in the spotlight so he can stick a Topsider under his tongue.

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  96. You're still not doing the internets right.

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  97. Maybe I need more caffeine or sugar or something, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why they were so upset.

    Then I remembered: Conservatives are only allowed to be funny at the expense of oppressed groups and liberals and then, only in the most mean-spirited way possible. If CF had done a film about a liberal workplace where everyone had to pee in the same trough at the same time while discussing their feelings or the dreaded affirmative action hire sleeping at their desks, the cons would be dying.

    But she didn't and now they're demanding that she bring back the demon sheep or shut up!

    not asking this question of men comes with the undertone that men don't
    need to be there for their children, or simply don't need to care about
    them.

    Yes, because you know those liberals have always insisted on strict division of the sexes in re child rearing, resisted any attempts to allow for paternity leave and laugh at the thought of stay-at-home dads. As for employment policies that would allow dad (or mom) to have much to do with the offspring, if it weren't for the neocon's brave attempts to ensure fair wages and work hours, no one would ever see their children at all!

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  98. This actually a favorite argument of a certain kind of concern troll. Racism or sexism or whatever is like Beetlejuice. If you say it three times, bigots will appear and beat you up. If bigots are beating you up, it must be your fault for summoning them.

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  99. Since it's actually funny, I'm gonna say no.

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  100. The other problem is CF has ladybits. Humor is for the people with manbits because the sound of women laughing at something a woman says causes manbits to shrivel up. Or something.

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  101. Why do you think he moved back to Arkansas?


    Not only is it the only state he could get elected in, but he probably would. Hell, his family alone has 50% +1 of AR voters, if they allow the girls to vote...

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  102. Allow me to make a guaranteed predictionalization:


    She will be kept in the race as an HRC stalking horse and 'likely Veep nominee shortlister', whether she likes it or not, at least through the first dozen or so primaries.

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  103. LittlePig8:30 AM

    Talk about a sudden Lurch in the conversation...

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  104. "But I've never been to Stockholm! How could I . . .?"


    "Believe it, sweetheart. And no, I don't even know why the fuck they call it that. All I can tell you is that they've got you. In their clutches."


    "Tell me it's not true!"


    Und so weiter, which is German for "Quit reading now."

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  105. Downpup E8:38 AM

    If I shave my (very) old beard and grow a new one, can it be hipster?

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  106. It really shows how times have changed: that fig leaf used to be necessary, but now its offensive to the base.

    After all, another name for that fig leaf is "political correctness."

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  107. "Take my wife, . . ." You just earned a few more centuries on the Mount of Purgatory for that. Still, it was worth it!

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  108. Those people pointing out problems used to be called "outside agitators."

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  109. Not following the thread, didn't get the joke, but made me laugh anyway. Upvote!

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  110. Marion in Savannah8:51 AM

    I saw that as Go Prim — a call for proper ladies to behave like proper ladies. Knees together, ankles crossed, shoes and bag matching...

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  111. The man's probably banking a half-mil a year. That's major insulation against "suffering."

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  112. Can your beard be hipster? Is it willing to move to Brooklyn and only use wood-fired internet?

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  113. It actually IS a funny video, but I can't help but notice that Carly Fiorina looks very comfortable talking down to people.

    It's like she doesn't have to use any acting skills to play that role.

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  114. LittlePig9:15 AM

    OH MY GOD! The agitators are in the building...

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  115. LittlePig9:24 AM

    They believe that stupidity
    Is its own reward.

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  116. LittlePig9:27 AM

    Forget it, Jake. It's Mississippi.

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  117. It's our job. That's why we're the real racists.

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  118. LittlePig9:31 AM

    Aw jeez, not another group we have to keep track of repressing! Now I'm going to have to make a new scorecard again.

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  119. "First of all, young man, that is not porridge. It is gruel, and it will serve you well to know the difference.


    "Second of all, my wealth is not colossal. It is merely large, certainly in comparison to yours; well, maybe it is infinite in comparison with yours but that is none of your concern. I am not a rich man, though I assume that one day I shall be. You, on the other hand, will always be a little shit."

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  120. LittlePig9:43 AM

    I got a huge laugh a few months back when a study revealed that 'cats think they are our equals'. I thought, well, at least they're halfway to understanding the power dynamic involved.

    My son and I have a running gag about how cats have been domesticating us for the last several thousand years (e.g. 'the development of hands for optimal petting took several centuries, though well worth the effort since the Long Plan foresaw the need for can opening abilities as well', 'Egypt was our first big breakthrough', etc. etc.).
    When we realize we've been hoodwinked in some way or another by our furry overlords we look deeply into their eyes and say 'Master Control! Master Control! Subproject x has been a success. Repeat..."

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  121. LittlePig9:43 AM

    The Pat Robertson corollary to Reagan's Eleventh Commandment.

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  122. LittlePig9:44 AM

    In Season 2, Josh learns the delicate art of lock picking.

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  123. LittlePig9:45 AM

    Now you know we don't 'low no wimmens to vote down here.

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  124. LittlePig9:51 AM

    His magnum dopus is a curse everlasting.

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  125. Helmut Monotreme9:52 AM

    That gives it far too much credit. It is only convincing to people who have invested a lot of effort into maintaining and expanding their ignorance.

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  126. LittlePig9:57 AM

    Those people being the Republican Party.

    And no, I meant more in the sense of such a colossal hemorrhage of stupidity that the future visitors sifting through our debris will quickly conclude a) we caused our own extinction and b) boy did we have it coming. Our Encyclopedia Galactica entry won't be pretty.

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  127. Having been owned by several really great cats over the years, I think you two are definitely onto something.

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  128. tsam10010:19 AM

    Well, you're the one walking through the internet drunk in a short skirt. You were asking for it.

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  129. Ellis_Weiner10:20 AM

    She walked into a young, modern, progressive venue...


    ...protected by a silver spoon.

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  130. Marion in Savannah10:21 AM

    Well, you know what they say — dogs have owners, cats have staff.

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  131. tsam10010:22 AM

    That's FUCKING CHEATING!

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  132. Ellis_Weiner10:23 AM

    Try spelling "curb" correctly, chief.

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  133. tsam10010:26 AM

    Competing with Trump has got to be so much fun. The guy is like Elmer Fudd. Just hand him a shotgun--pretty soon he'll have a mouth full of buckshot.

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  134. Magatha10:27 AM

    I can't find the cartoon, but in it, a woman is explaining to her dog and cat that things might be a little tough for a while, because she's just been laid off from work, so she might be out looking for work a lot, and maybe a little depressed, but everything is gonna be fine.... And the dog is sitting there all big-eyed and anxious, thinking "OMG, how could they do that to you, you're the greatest, oh this is horrible, gee I hope there will still be enough treats - OMG what a terrible selfish thing to think!", while the cat is turning away muttering "Please don't share".

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  135. Magatha10:28 AM

    "Kerb" has more flavour.

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  136. Magatha10:33 AM

    I keep trying to sing this to "You're So Vain".

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  137. susanoftexas10:34 AM

    A woman is laughing. Perhaps she is laughing at me. This cannot happen. Things are retracting as we speak. The ocean was cold, Jerry! Shrinkage!
    A beautiful woman laughing at you is the very worst of course. That is why they have no sense of humor. Sure we say that it's because they didn't have to develop one (humor is evolutional) but we also say that about conservative intellectual prowess. We are smarter because we swim against the liberal tide. We are manly because we swim against the feminist horde. Our swimmers are manly swimmers!

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  138. witlesschum10:54 AM

    Ever read The Sandamn comics story "Dream of a Thousand Cats"? Based on the gag, I think you'd like it.

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  139. witlesschum11:00 AM

    They're pretty much past shooting the messenger, though. This is more like blasting off a few rounds every now and again just in case a messenger might appear.

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  140. witlesschum11:10 AM

    It's really pretty hard to parse what the writer intends that to mean.

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  141. witlesschum11:20 AM

    Yeah, I mean the base's view of the Republican Party leadership is not good. They only hate John Boehner slightly less than they hate Harry Reid and the threw out Eric Cantor in favor of a guy who'll vote exactly like Eric Cantor. As much as the Tea Party was astroturfed by Phil Graham, et al, at the beginning, the anger they tapped into was for real and the party leadership doesn't have it as firmly under control as they once seemed to.

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  142. witlesschum11:22 AM

    I was thinking conservative Hunger Games fans who didn't finish the third book.

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  143. That fear of being laughed at by women synchs perfectly with the common conviction a certain species of knucklehead holds about people speaking a foreign language in his/her vicinity.

    (Which, as a completely irrelevant aside, I wonder if this is an American phenomenon or is it common in other parts of the world? I'm thinking not so much in Europe where learning a second language the norm and more people grow up hearing different languages. But maybe it is.)

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  144. Marion in Savannah12:09 PM

    [snort] If that cat was a tuxedo it was Delilah, our boss lady. She's the empress of all the known and unknown universes...

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  145. Don't tell my wife. I've finally gotten her used to mine.

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  146. Jaime Oria12:21 PM

    I'm pretty sure I saw Kerb listed on the menu of a shwarma joint somewhere in Glendale.

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  147. realinterrobang12:38 PM

    I want to march to Governor Faubus' statehouse with this comment.

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  148. tigrismus1:01 PM

    Apparently it tastes like nuts.

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  149. Does your magazine or newsletter come with pictures? Because I would like to subscribe.

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  150. Didn't Newt Gingerich specifically reference Date Rape as the correct analogy for Bipartisanship?

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  151. Hell, if she gets wiped out in a car accident between now and the actual choosing of the Veep they will keep her name in the ring. They think they need a woman that badly. It will be like the Cadaver Synod.

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  152. Not to go all latinate on you but shouldn't that be digitus impudicus? (Or something)?

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  153. For the last time, it's a kilt.

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  154. Makes sense; after all, facts are usually the first casualties of stand-your-ground laws.

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  155. Try spelling "curb" correctly, chief.Have you ever seen someone who had been pecked to death by small flightless birds with hairy feathers? I have, and it isn't pretty. So ixnay on the ockerymay of Ommonwealthcay ellingspay, apiscecay?

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  156. it was neither as easy nor as much fun as it sounds.Given their penchant for repeatedly stepping on their own manhoods, you need to hang out with GOP presidential candidates and collect some tips.

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  157. This isn’t effective outreach; it’s Stockholm Syndrome."I'm pretty sure it's not."

    "What do you mean? She's talking as if libtards actually have a point about sexism."


    "Yeah, but Stockholm Syndrome would require her to have been held captive by libtards first, which given that she was a business executive in the tech sector, is fairly unlikely. It's when someone starts to identify with the worldview of the one holding them hostage."


    "Wait, but that's being a Kiev Chicken."


    "No, no, a Kiev Chicken is when you use bullshit justifications for claiming that someone else's stuff is yours."


    "... You mean a Polish Sausage?"


    "Close. That's using bullshit justifications for claiming someone else's stuff is yet another person's, in order to cover grabbing some of it for yourself. Which brings us back around to Carly Fiorina, since a modern version of this is using 'shareholder value' as a smokescreen for enriching yourself while running a company into the ground."


    "So if she isn't suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, what's with the feminist guff?"


    "She's attempting to nullify the perceived advantage of an opponent by co-opting the superficial elements of their appeal. Traditionally, this was known as a Bratislava Gambit, but recently we've tended to refer to it as a Palin Plop."

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  158. Ellis_Weiner2:01 PM

    Ko.

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  159. slavdude2:16 PM

    Worse: it's coming from INSIDE THE INTERNET!!!1eleventy!!1

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  160. M. Krebs2:29 PM

    Or ...

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  161. I hope Jonah plagiarizes Ashe Schow's column and gets acclaim from the Wingnut Wurlitzer.

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  162. LittlePig2:58 PM

    "Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls,..."

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  163. LittlePig2:59 PM

    Bless my stars and garters! The Hooterville World Guardian, as I live and breathe.

    Thanky.

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  164. geraldfnord3:16 PM

    Wow, first Obama created the divide between the races, now Fiorina has created it between the sexes. In both cases, the history of absolutely equal treatment of both groups belies any other possible reason for there being a divide....

    Maybe they believe that, and are pissed-off because they think this to be yet another case of government's (even in the person of a would-be official's) presumptuously doing what The Free Market ought solely do.

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  165. smut clyde4:43 PM

    Do you really want it?

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  166. It was this cockroach. http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2004/01/grover-norquist-soul-new-machine

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  167. Correctamunde. We're all bozos on this bus and should act like it. http://grammarist.com/spelling/curb-kerb/

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  168. Weekend at Carlie's?

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  169. I'm takin' this comment on the night train to Bratislava where we're gonna get shitfaced on Sambuca mit Drei Fliegen and party til the sun comes up and then goes down again. We might even travel on to Kiev, but I'm thinkin' our room in B-town is going to be enough to keep us happy for a couple a weeks, long as room service doesn't close down and the desk keeps takin' my card. I don't care what anybody says.


    My Kickstarter number is . . .

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  170. As in, "In this tree, Daniel Boone kilt a bottle?"

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  171. No wonder it's a favorite of teabaggers!

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  172. IOKIYAR.

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  173. If you accuse anyone of sexism you are not being womanly; you are not being submissive to gender roles.But, but ... that attitude is itself sexist---ZZZZZZZAP

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  174. smut clyde7:31 PM

    Kerb your unenthusiasm.

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  175. Marion in Savannah7:42 PM

    NOOOOOO!!!11!!11!!!

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  176. M. Krebs7:57 PM

    I try to post that whenever I get the chance.

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  177. M. Krebs8:12 PM

    TRUMPMENTUM!

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  178. Bosses hate him! This weird trick to seizing the means of production THEY don't want you to know about! (Superimposed on a portrait of Karl Marx.)

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  179. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person10:25 PM

    No, it's the Whitey Tape. On Betamax...

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  180. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person10:26 PM

    Right up his carpal tunnel...

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  181. mgmonklewis10:28 PM

    She walked into a young, modern, progressive venue

    I prefer the version of that joke that begins, "A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head."

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  182. mgmonklewis10:31 PM

    Maybe Miller or Fiorina could act it out for us.

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  183. John Wesley Hardin10:32 PM

    Is that you, Chief Editor Korir?

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  184. DocAmazing10:49 PM

    Similar, but not to be confused with, a Cleveland Steamer.

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  185. Tehanu11:33 PM

    "Used to be"? The sheriff of Ferguson said it just last year.

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  186. AGoodQuestion11:45 PM

    I was afraid that had happened to me, then I remembered dropping those dried apricots into my pocket. Phew, what a relief!

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  187. I too am disappoint. I had to wait an eternity until mine went white & finally looked like more than dirt, & now it's ++passé.

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  188. freq flag12:16 AM

    "Well, whaddya know? There was one buwwet weft."

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  189. freq flag12:20 AM

    Must've forgotten to turn right at Drucker & 4th.

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  190. Magatha12:43 AM

    Let me counter with a simple "TRUMPLESKILTSKIN"! The dream is over, what can I say.


    Oh wait, it's 2015 and I am an American.

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  191. I have a rather youngish-looking mug, so I keep my mostly white face mullet to keep from looking like everybody's kid brother. Gravitas has its benefits in my line of work.

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  192. It will be like the Cadaver Synod.

    Except without any actual learning.

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  193. According to TPM, the latest poll (before Trump's McCain spew) had The Donald leading the GOP field with 24%. The Jebster was his next nearest competitor at 12%. So, yeah--TRUMPMENTUM!

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  194. SELF-INDULGENT BLATHERING, PART INFINITY: Sunday morning was spent standing in the Wal-Mart parking lot cleaning Mom's clothes out of her car and dumping them in the nearby donation bin. Whee.

    I'm writing this on her Kindle, knowing I should clear it off, but it's almost like I feel if I don't that she might come back for it.

    I gave Joss The Cat catnip for the first time in months last night, and laughed at his crazy antics... and felt more than a little guilty.

    One of the local charities has put me and the cats up at Days Inn through Saturday. I'm lucky in having a lot of local support right now.

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  195. To quote Berkely Breathed, it's a wonder people like me haven't strung people like him up by his intestines.

    Yet.

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