Wednesday, June 17, 2015

THE SOUTH'S GONNA DO IT AGAIN, I.E. LOSE.

This week's Texas gold buggery story is amazing all by itself:
On Friday, Gov. Greg Abbott signed legislation that will create a state-run gold depository in the Lone Star State – one that will attempt to rival those operated by the U.S. government inside Fort Knox and the Federal Reserve Bank of New York’s vault in lower Manhattan. “The Texas Bullion Depository,” Abbott said in a statement, “will become the first state-level facility of its kind in the nation, increasing the security and stability of our gold reserves and keeping taxpayer funds from leaving Texas to pay for fees to store gold in facilities outside our state.” Soon, Abbott’s office said, the state “will repatriate $1 billion of gold bullion from the Federal Reserve in New York to Texas.” In other words, when it comes preparing for the currency collapse and financial armeggedon, Abbott's office really seems to think Texas is a whole 'nother country.
Brian Murphy's entire story is worth reading. Adding some savor for me: I've been reading E. Merton Coulter's "History of the Confederate States of America," published in 1950 as part of LSU's History of the South series. (Coulter was a white supremacist, but his research is sound.) I've just come through the part about the CSA's Treasury woes. Along with the understandable problems with sustaining a new economy in wartime, the Confederate Congress was apparently scared to raise taxes, and the response when they did try to raise them shows why: citizens availed every subterfuge to avoid paying, and the Confederacy, per Coulter, "raised throughout its existence about one percent of its income in taxes." The last Confederate Treasury Secretary, George Trenholm, "wondered throughout the period of his secretaryship why the people could never see and think of the Confederacy as part of themselves -- not something far away -- and why they as one great family did not come to the rescue," Coulter adds. States' rights is a hell of a drug. This new drive to lay up gold strikes me as a potent mix of that, Texas' secessionism revival and the government's pandering to same, and the influence of Goldline and related scams.

But at least the Rebels didn't have the dubious benefit of modern financial instruments. Murphy interviews Texas House member Giovanni S. Capriglione, the genius behind the gold-gathering, who says the state is defraying the cost of transporting and storing the bullion by having it handled by -- you guessed it! -- the private sector:
Moreover, by privatizing the depository’s operations, Capriglione said he was able to begin recruiting “stakeholders” who “are interested in being a part of the system we’re creating.” Rather than build a Fort Knox-type facility in Texas, Capriglione said “there are commercial vaults not being used or not at full capacity, and I’ve heard from groups willing to start their own depository and IT security companies with underground storage facilities for data centers who can make space available” for gold and other precious metals. 
Most importantly, Capriglione found that by offering gold brokers and dealers the chance to become “depository agents” who can accept deposits on the state’s behalf or set up accounts with their own precious metal holdings that can then be sold off and subdivided to would-be depositors, he found a broad network of supporters for the state depository...
By Charles Keating, that's good! If the Rest of America doesn't descend into Armageddon, expect some hilarious hearings when those bars go missing.

206 comments:

  1. Shalimar11:07 AM

    They aren't real Texans if they don't take all that gold and use it to create a 100-foot tall golden calf. Bonus Christian points for having 2 little guys holding the Ark of the Covenant next to it.

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  2. Bufflars11:18 AM

    10 bucks says Capriglione has some serious investment in one of those gold brokering businesses that are going to make a killing off of this.

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  3. hellslittlestangel11:21 AM

    You can keep your fiat currency, Yankee.

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  4. coozledad11:22 AM

    Same old same old. The Confederacy hoarded what gold it could get because its bonds, certificates and notes were worthless.


    While Lee threw the starving remnant of his army into the meat grinder of the Federal forts at Petersburg and finally got it pinned at Appomattox, Jeff Davis and the Confederate cabinet headed west, to Danville, with that gold. I suspect Lee got a little bit of it in his retirement.

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  5. DN Nation11:27 AM

    It's beauuuuuutifullll!

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  6. DN Nation11:28 AM

    http://www.theonion.com/article/south-postpones-rising-again-for-yet-another-year-377

    Though Southerners are overwhelmingly in favor of rising again, few were able to provide specific details of the rising-again process.

    "I don't know, I reckon we'll build us a bunch of big, fancy buildins and pave us up a whole mess of roads," said Bobby Lee Fuller of Greenville, MS. "I ain't exactly sure where we're gonna get the money for that, but when Johnny Reb sets his mind to something, you best get out of his way."

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  7. hellslittlestangel11:29 AM

    Looking for The Texas Bullion Depository? It's right by the bus station, the place we the neon "We Buy Gold" sign in the window.

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  8. coozledad11:37 AM

    The funny thing is, the treasury can flood the market with gold any time. Somehow I don't see Texas forming an alliance with Pretoria.

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  9. dstatton11:37 AM

    "...keeping taxpayer funds from leaving Texas to pay for fees to store gold in facilities outside our state."



    Is Abbott aware that the Federal Reserve Bank of New York is not supported by taxes? It's literally owned by the member banks in its district.

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  10. hellslittlestangel11:38 AM

    The author of the bill: “There aren’t many heists of gold bullion…nobody’s going to be able to steal 80,000 pounds of gold.”

    He's got a point. Even if the James Gang and the Dalton Gang banded together, there's no way possible to transport all that gold. It would kill their horses.

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  11. BigHank5311:39 AM

    If you start making a list of things that Abbot isn't aware of, I'd lay in some Advil and a wrist brace first.

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  12. Halloween_Jack11:40 AM

    There is some really interesting stuff in that first link:

    Indeed, Texas has no gold bars in the Federal Reserve’s New York vault. And what the state has is not worth a billion dollars. Instead some 4,200 gold bars bought in 2011 by the University of Texas’s endowment fund (the second largest in the country after Harvard’s) are stored in the basement vault of HSBC’s headquarters at 450 5th Avenue in New York City, just south of the New York Public Library. For the last four years, the endowment has paid an estimated $1 million per year to store their gold there. (If it had been at the New York Fed the cost would have totaled about $15,400 over that period). And the new depository law does not require the university’s endowment fund to relocate the gold to Texas.

    Obviously, these guys are financial geniuses. Moreover:

    When the endowment fund bought the gold, their basis for calculating a return – called their cost basis – was $1,150.17 per ounce. The fund eventually traded a third of their physical gold stake for gold futures and other equities, but never reduced their overall exposure to gold. That’s why they still own about 4,200 bars worth just under $500 million. After a significant run-up and subsequent fall in 2012, gold traded on Monday at $1,186. Over more than four years that just a 3% gain for the fund before you account for the cost of housing the gold in New York and the transaction costs that will be incurred if and when the endowment fund ships the bars back to Texas or sells them to a buyer. Over the same period, the S&P 500 index - a broad measure of owning stocks - gained 60%.

    [emphasis mine] And, of course, the bit at the end where Capriglione is very hand-wavy about what they would do to keep drug lords and the like from stashing their booty there is just hilarious. The only people who will make honest money off this is whoever gets the popcorn concession while the rest of us watch this clusterfuck unfold.

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  13. BigHank5311:42 AM

    I'm sure Capriglione and his friends will feel just fine about the dishonest money they make, though.

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  14. May I ask, how would an alliance with Pretoria prevent this, even supposing it was formed?

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  15. Helmut Monotreme11:49 AM

    I'd leave a longer comment but I'm off to texas to rent a basement and start up Helmut J Monotreme's Totally Reliable Gold Storage right next to the DFW airport, with convenient shipping container sized vaults for easy rental. Please don't pay any mind to that loading dock that backs right up to a cargo yard, nor those regular deliveries of shipping containers to the freight terminal of DFW, nor those regular flights to Zurich, Luxembourg, and Singapore.

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  16. gocart mozart11:51 AM

    That's why I invest in tulip bulbs, they're easier to carry.

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  17. hellslittlestangel11:54 AM

    Are your vaults climate-controlled? Because my gold bars, if they're around a lot of humidity, they develop an unsightly greenish tinge that makes them less attractive to investors.

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  18. LookWhosInTheFreezer11:54 AM

    If the Rest of America doesn't descend into Armageddon, expect some hilarious hearings when those bars go missing. Blackwater Security haz a sad at your lack of faith.

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  19. LittlePig11:54 AM

    People have this image of Texas as big and powerful.

    Those would be folks that a) have never been to Texas, and b) never met a Texan whose first priority wasn't getting the hell out of Texas.

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  20. gocart mozart11:55 AM

    Shouldn't that be golden Texas long horn steer?

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  21. coozledad11:55 AM

    it probably wouldn't accomplish anything except "Look at all this gold we're sitting on with our ally, the government of South Africa."


    Texas could start issuing gold coins with Mandela's image on them. Energy could be harvested from exploding heads.

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  22. Jay B.11:55 AM

    it will become the first state-level facility of its kind in the nation, increasing the security and stability of our gold reserves and keeping taxpayer funds from leaving Texas to pay for fees to store gold in facilities outside our state


    Because, gentlemen, we can not bear to have a gold vault gap with our enemies in Louisiana.


    How do you even counter this? Facts? Mockery? Shrugs? I know it's a grift, but I'm not even sure they don't believe in this magic.

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  23. gocart mozart11:56 AM

    Make sure it's dry also, you wouldn't want them to rust.

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  24. Jay B.11:57 AM

    Whenever I encountered Texas chauvinism during my time in Austin, I would paraphrase Churchill: "Never have so many been so proud about so little."

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  25. LittlePig11:58 AM

    Where's your God now, Moses Austin?

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  26. calling all toasters11:59 AM

    "Tonight we're secretly replacing Texas's gold bullion with dark, sparkling Folger's Crystals. Let's see if anyone notices."

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  27. gocart mozart11:59 AM

    Real Americans use Chrysler or Ford currency.

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  28. hellslittlestangel12:00 PM

    Next, a bill to ensure open carry at the Texas Bullion Depository.

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  29. calling all toasters12:00 PM

    Save your Dixie cups, just in case.

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  30. Jay B.12:03 PM

    Perfect.

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  31. coozledad12:03 PM

    It reminds me of an old Spy article about alcoholism in the Soviet Union. "The old saw is that Stalin brought Russia kicking and screaming into the industrial age. The fact is he transformed it into a country where people drink bug spray."

    I'm not saying that all Texans drink bug spray, but they did send Tom Delay to Congress, after Orkin killed his brain.

    He thinks there are ten Supreme Court justices.

    http://juanitajean.com/he-said-constitutional-scholar-not-mathematical-genius/

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  32. LookWhosInTheFreezer12:06 PM

    Caffeine is a hell of a drug.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUTqW32gx9k

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  33. Helmut Monotreme12:07 PM

    Didn't a few ships full of gold get loaded up in confederate ports, sneak through the Union blockade and into the plots of every other Clive Cussler novel?

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  34. Helmut Monotreme12:15 PM

    It reminds me of this story in the Economist http://www.economist.com/news/briefing/21590353-ever-more-wealth-being-parked-fancy-storage-facilities-some-customers-they-are about "freeports" in Switzerland, Singapore and Luxembourg. Except without the tax benefits to depositors, security, or any good goddamn reason for J Random Richperson to choose to deposit their ill gotten gains blood money plunder investments in Texas.

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  35. When they get the new Texas currency together can they call it Brownbacks?

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  36. coozledad12:17 PM

    Some spaghetti westerns, too.


    Beauregard appropriated the treasury from New Orleans that had been moved to Georgia, and then "forgot" what he did with it.

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  37. Yes, read the article. Plus, the only reason the endowment holds physical gold, instead of securities that would track the price of gold, is that one of the trustees is a goldbug. Investing in gold is not really a hedge against inflation, there are plenty of easier ways to do that, it's a hedge against hyper-inflation. Regardless of whether or not investing 5% of your assets in gold is a smart move, investing it in physical gold with its storage and transaction costs is not. As trustees for an endowment fund, it's pretty much a breach of fiduciary duty.

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  38. carolannie12:17 PM

    oooo oooo oooo bitcoin

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  39. coozledad12:19 PM

    That's what it's going to become anyway.

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  40. LittlePig12:22 PM

    "Say, Lem, whas all those big dump trucks doing over at the airport?"

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  41. Helmut Monotreme12:38 PM

    So, for purely academic reasons does anyone know what element a person could alloy with depleted uranium to bring the density down to that of another element like ohh.... just spitballing here... gold? Also where can I buy gold Krylon spraypaint in bulk?

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  42. Brian Schlosser12:40 PM

    No, Governor Abbott, that is vie vee set off ziss nuclear bomb in zee vault!

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  43. Downpup E12:49 PM

    Simon Peter Gruber is still out there, and Bruce Willis is getting too old for this.

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  44. Brother Yam12:50 PM

    Chrysler currency IS Fiat currency...

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  45. Is this an opportunity for the ride-sharing airbnb type business models? Folks getting paid to temporarily store a nugget in their glove compartments or under their beds? Uber-Gold maybe?

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  46. sharculese1:02 PM

    Encouragement. We counter it by egging them on.

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  47. mortimer20001:04 PM

    A blast from the past that shows just how corrupt the control and investment history of the UT endowment is, and how George W. Bush and friends fed off it for years.

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  48. By charles keating? I'm in Italy doge hunting. Has ck been named the patron saint of grifters? What was his martyrdom? Broken on a credit card? Crushed under a bank vault?Id love to see his church but probably they are still collecting donations in numbered swiss bank accounts and it hasnt been built.

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  49. Genius. AirBGold for luftmenschen.

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  50. States' rights is a hell of a drug.

    fuck yo currency

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  51. if there ever was a story that deserved a norbizness post, it's this one

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  52. it's a very classy, very beautiful, very classy bullion reserve

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  53. the logic is un-peccable

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  54. redoubtagain2:02 PM

    The author of the bill: “There aren’t many heists of gold bullion…nobody’s going to be able to steal 80,000 pounds of gold.”
    Well, when Auric Joe Bob Goldfinger shows up in an ill-fitting Texas Air National Guard uniform I'll be sure to say "Never say never."

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  55. redoubtagain2:07 PM

    Wonder did they ever find the gold that drowned Rose O'Neal Greenhow (trying to dodge a Union blockade ship)?

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  56. Fools! What's really important is keeping your silver at hand for the inevitable Werewolf Apocalypse.

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  57. PersonaAuGratin2:13 PM

    The Treasury should issue Fiat 500 Dollar bills that are cuter and more retro-looking than regular bills.

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  58. PersonaAuGratin2:17 PM

    I think he built The Phoenician hotel as his temple, but unfortunately the FBI seized it.

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  59. PersonaAuGratin2:19 PM

    You may want to have those bars tested, and I hope you kept your receipts.

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  60. Proof again that reality has outstripped satire, from the article: "...one that will create a metal-backed money supply
    intended to challenge the paper currency issued by the Federal Reserve -
    or "Yankee dollars" as one of the law's top supporters calls them."

    What other kind does he think there are?

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  61. Gromet2:49 PM

    All these states where the GOP runs rampant (Texas especially, but also Louisiana and Kansas have been fun lately) operate more like islands in some third-rate reality show.

    "This week, we've given our contestants money and freedom! Let's see if they build a stable society based on mutual respect... or use these precious resources to go all in on shootouts, bunkers, and unguessable depths of stupefaction."

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  62. parsec2:50 PM

    I think if I were well-connected enough I'd figure out a scheme to write checks, get loans, AND sell off all the physical gold with no audit to reveal what I'd done until long after I departed the scene. They don't have that in mind, do they?

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  63. Magatha3:00 PM

    What's up with this doge hunting? Are you seeking to become a dogaressa? Or is there a bounty or something? Should I get on this while the hunt is young? I have to get out more.

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  64. Downpup E3:00 PM

    Gold is slightly denser than uranium. There are only a few elements as dense as gold, They're pretty expensive & buying them leaves a huge trail.

    Now if a depository had 10 customers and gold doesn't have a name on it...

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  65. Is it me or are Texan governors managing to get progressively dumber?

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  66. There's something in the conservative id that makes them beg to be bamboozled. They crave being scammed. Texas trying to do their own "we-haz-guld! We can haz own currency?" is just the latest and largest manifestation of this desperation to be defrauded.

    On a related note, I see Ron Paul is now running ads on the vintage TV networks (you know, the ones that show M*A*S*H 5-nights a week) talking about the coming financial collapse of America. So I guess what we're seeing is the culmination of 35 years of paranoia mongering meeting up with hordes of grifters who have no scruples and no qualms about taking Aunt Tillie's last few dimes. IOW, the acme of capitalism as defined by Republicans.

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  67. JennOfArk3:23 PM

    Texas is already the country's largest bullshit depository; now they wanna be a bullion depository too? I think they've been watching this and putting themselves in the role of Bond. Note to Texas lawmakers: Pussy Galore is a fictional character. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy_PJODH3p0

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  68. susanoftexas3:25 PM

    Texas has already mentally seceded, they are just trying to get everyone else to pretend along.

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  69. BigHank533:28 PM

    It's rampant goldbuggery mixed with libertarian market-fondling and cut with Texan neoconfederacy* and baby laxative. They're going to decentralize their gold storage, which pretty much guarantees both fraud and theft: some facilities will keep poor records, lose them in a fire, or get broken into. Possibly all three! Who is going to perform background checks on all the people who can now cast an eye over all these gold bars? Who's going to pay for the checks? Whose insurance picks up the difference it turns out Goldshart Holdings, LLC, is a rented post office box in Plano, and the CEO is now a professional margarita reviewer in Belize?

    The $15000 dollars it would have cost to keep the few dozen tons of gold at the Federal Reserve? That works out to $250 a month, about what a decent sized storage unit costs. Instead Texas is going to spend exponentially more and get less than nothing in return. Unless you count fraud, waste, and abuse in the "plus" column. Given their inability to understand goddamn addition, I wouldn't be surprised.

    *Only state to secede from the USA twice, folks.

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  70. BigHank533:33 PM

    How can you tell? Rick Perry broke my stupid-meter.

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  71. ohsopolite3:40 PM

    Is there any truth to the rumor (which I am just now starting, thankyewverymuch) that Giovanni S. Capriglione goes by the Mob name Johnny Capers? Because this story makes more sense with his name read that way.

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  72. ohsopolite3:41 PM

    Why do you hate stumps?

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  73. Marion in Savannah3:43 PM

    Because, like Republicans, they get in the way and are very hard to get rid of. But, all things being considered, I'd MUCH rather deal with stumps.

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  74. I know they've got enough problems as it is, but I'd really like to 'repatriate' Texas back to Mexico sometimes.

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  75. It's the proverbial authoritarian mindset. Or they're simply too simple to think for themselves.

    Thanks for the reminder about vintage Ron. Is anyone going to ask Tribble-Top about this?

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  76. State of Marks, Confederacy of Dunces, Nation of Sheep.

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  77. Black panthers in jade helms sounds like an Aztec blood and thunder novel.

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  78. Florida back to Spain, & most of the Louisiana Purchase chez les grenouilles!

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  79. smut clyde4:25 PM

    I imagine Texan grifters and House members (but I repeat myself) gazing longingly at the various Bitcoin thefts and thinking how they could do just as well with gold, given a little corporate welfare.

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  80. smut clyde4:33 PM

    Their own currency? They see themselves as mighty Greece throwing off the shackles of the Euro?

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  81. smut clyde4:37 PM

    Imaine how much they can save on 'guards' and 'security' when all the staff and customers are able to defend themselves!

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  82. Helmut Monotreme4:37 PM

    Just like Portland hipsters 'put a bird on it' to sell second hand crap at boutique prices on etsy, it seems like no obvious crackpot economic scheme is complete without some combination of TOR nodes, goldbuggery, bitcoin and strong cryptography (implemented by someone who barely understands the concept).

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  83. Helmut Monotreme4:38 PM

    They could join forces and launch the Confederate Drachma.

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  84. coozledad4:39 PM

    Saves people having to claim "they're just curtain rods" like they do at the Book Depository.

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  85. Gromet4:41 PM

    Yes, somehow, as early as 2000, there were people who had a pretty good idea Bush was going to screw up a bunch of stuff. Not many people, but some. I would say -- and this is only a rough estimate -- they amounted only to a little more than half of all voting Americans. Not enough to make a difference.

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  86. BigHank534:46 PM

    Well, I'm glad to finally have an explanation for the Hunt brothers. Also Texans, now that I think about it.

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  87. gocart mozart4:46 PM

    https://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=AwrB8pBD3IFVwmQA4yEunIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTIzaHZkMzNiBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDaW1nBG9pZAM5OWIxOTA3YTJjNWYzMjFjZWVlMTU2OGIwYTExYWI0YQRncG9zAzM2BGl0A2Jpbmc-?.origin=&back=https%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fyhs%2Fsearch%3Fp%3DBlack%2BPanthers%2BIn%2BJade%2BHelms%26fr%3Dyhs-mozilla-005%26hsimp%3Dyhs-005%26hspart%3Dmozilla%26tab%3Dorganic%26ri%3D36&w=800&h=600&imgurl=4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-C9s2o98Chys%2FUG1-M4vGPVI%2FAAAAAAAAFAU%2Ft8NWWHcbQQo%2Fs1600%2Fpanther.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fjadesmagic.blogspot.com%2F2012%2F10%2Forionid-meteor-shower-panther-spirit.html&size=65.1KB&name=When+you+wish+upon+a+star%2C+makes+no+difference+who+you+are%2C+anything+...&p=Black+Panthers+In+Jade+Helms&oid=99b1907a2c5f321ceee1568b0a11ab4a&fr2=&fr=yhs-mozilla-005&tt=When+you+wish+upon+a+star%2C+makes+no+difference+who+you+are%2C+anything+...&b=0&ni=21&no=36&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=12g0rusq7&sigb=14b9qeq5l&sigi=12k1e1j1u&sigt=128kq8dko&sign=128kq8dko&.crumb=.Bq2zF28fiO&fr=yhs-mozilla-005&hsimp=yhs-005&hspart=mozilla

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  88. gocart mozart4:48 PM

    I just saw that same rumor on the internet, on this very website in fact. There must be some truth to it I think.

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  89. Marion in Savannah4:50 PM

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

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  90. ColBatGuano4:51 PM

    a professional margarita reviewer in Belize?


    Where can I submit my resume for this position?

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  91. ColBatGuano4:55 PM

    They're counting on Danerys and her dragons for salvation.

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  92. gocart mozart5:00 PM

    I hope you get a long little doge.

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  93. susanoftexas5:05 PM

    I want to buy this comment a whisky with a two-bit piece.

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  94. susanoftexas5:06 PM

    Zombie apocalypse, more likely.

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  95. susanoftexas5:07 PM

    Where there's smoke, there's fire.

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  96. Jimcima5:18 PM

    Last time I was in DWF I noted they had a non-denominational chapel for the use of all Christians who were afraid to fly without the love of Jebus:

    http://www.dfwairportchapel.org



    Now, flying from the Sodom of the West (LAX) to the Sodom of the East (CDG) I was of course quite sympathetic to their plight, but no less nonplussed as to how I was supposed to react.


    Sadly, I had carried no gold on me to establish my bona fides with the natives.

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  97. BigHank535:19 PM

    States' rights is a hell of a drug.

    I'd like to second Roy's recommendation of Civil War history. There's an excellent Yale lecture series available online from David Blight:

    http://oyc.yale.edu/history/hist-119

    It's a freshman course, so basic background in US history is all that's needed. Most of the supporting materials are available for cheap if you want them, but they're not needed to make sense of the lectures.

    The Confederate States of America was farcically stupid. Among their bigger boneheaded moves:

    Keeping their central state so weak it couldn't enforce anything. The CSA didn't even have standardized railroad gauges; shipping something by rail could involve loading and unloading it four times.

    Picking a fight with an opponent in the middle of the Industrial Revolution. The entire munitions manufacturing capacity of the South was smaller than that of a single factory in the North, the Springfield Armory.

    They embargoed their own main cash crop, cotton, in an effort to force England to join the war on their side. The English decided to grow more cotton in India and Egypt instead.

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  98. ohsopolite5:21 PM

    Are we trending yet?

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  99. Gromet5:24 PM

    How far down the rabbit hole do you have to go before you are against the US dollar? Is there a lot of rabbit hole past that? I find myself genuinely curious/nervous.

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  100. " why the people could never see and think of the Confederacy as part of themselves -- not something far away -- and why they as one great family did not come to the rescue." Funny that the same kind of people who hate and distrust government today seemed to hate and distrust government a hundred and fifty years ago. Maybe there's a lesson to be learned here.

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  101. BigHank535:30 PM

    What good is silver against zombies?

    I did learn something entertaining about silver when I looked up the Y-12 nuclear enrichment project a couple weeks ago. It was the uranium refinery built at Oak Ridge, TN as part of the Manhattan Project, using giant electromagnets. Because copper was needed for military uses, the electromagnets were wound with silver wire. They borrowed over 14,000 tons of silver from the US Treasury for the duration of the war.

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  102. I want to rub this comment's belly until its leg starts scratching the air.

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  103. I suggest they return to the iron standard suggested by the originalist's originalist, Lycurgus.

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  104. I hear ya. So, who's making money off this scam?

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  105. Hmmm...Let's examine the data.

    Ann Richards
    George W. Bush
    Rick "Goodhair" Perry
    Greg "America wants to takeover Texas!!!!!" Abbott

    The data does fit your hypothesized curve of straight-down dumbing. The chart predicts that the next Texas governor will likely eat paste directly from a jar while fondling his toes as he gives his inaugural speech.

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  106. smut clyde5:44 PM

    So wit. Such laugh.

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  107. Fun fact: a big chunk of the brass used in the CMS detector at the LHC comes from recycled Russian artillery shells.

    ReplyDelete
  108. As Ol' Jeff Davis hisself said at the end of the war, "The Confederacy's epitaph should be, 'Died of a Theory.'"

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  109. Johnny Capers? Isn't his consigliere Bobby Prances?

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  110. smut clyde5:46 PM

    What good is silver against zombies?


    Zombie Judas is croaking out "MMOOORRE 30 PIEEECES" as he shambles.

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  111. Randy Gibbons5:47 PM

    The CSA didn't even have standardized railroad gauges; shipping something by rail could involve loading and unloading it four times.



    Holy shit. That's a helluva way to run a war. But as you point out, they didn't have all that much to ship around.

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  112. And just to make it even more fun, what few rail lines they had did not run to and from the most strategic points.

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  113. smut clyde5:52 PM

    So greed, sociopathic selfishness, destructive hostility to cooperation and an insistence on honour above accomplishments is no way to hold a functioning nation together?
    This would be good news for America's rivals, except they're all adopting the same philosophy.

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  114. tigrismus6:00 PM

    What if you've got multiple <1/2 pennyweight nodules for casting?

    ReplyDelete
  115. That's really easy to imagine for some reason...

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  116. tigrismus6:10 PM

    #GoldenGate #EthicsInGoldStorage

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  117. I'd be rooting for their faces to subsequently melt off, but I think that already happened when a Negro was elected president.

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  118. No, Mr. Abbot, I expect you to shut your goddamned stupid piehole.

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  119. I'll be sure to say "Never say never."Again?

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  120. They'd also probably consider "Honor Blackman" to be an oxymoron.

    ReplyDelete
  121. and strong cryptography (implemented by someone who barely understands the concept).yThis combination is also known as weak cryptography.

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  122. TGuerrant7:47 PM

    There's actually something called Exploding Head Syndrome. Maybe I'm the last to find out about that? It's related to the Hypnic Jerk.

    On neither of those Wiki pages will you find a picture of Louie Gohmert, which amazes me no end.

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  123. Resumes scrawled on the back of a cocktail napkin will receive first consideration.

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  124. glennisw7:52 PM

    Doesn't Rep Steve Stockman own a storage facility?

    ReplyDelete
  125. Maybe I'm the last to find out about that?You may not be getting your information from the best possible sources.



    You can imagine my joy when I could confirm it wasn't blood vessels popping in my brain.

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  126. Randy8:04 PM

    You are going to get banned on RawStory ho.

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  127. TGuerrant8:08 PM

    Confederate leaders also plotted to attack D.C. to capture the Treasury and take the gold to Montgomery because the Confederacy was the real America and therefore the genuine owner of America's gold. They were also going to hang Lincoln and some Union generals while they were in the neighborhood because they were traitors to the real America.

    The city was undefended and generals on both sides puzzled after the war over why it wasn't taken within the first 10 days after Fort Sumter was fired upon. Simplified and generalized reason: The fractious secessionists couldn't agree on who was going to do what with what and at who's expense.

    While they squabbled and fell out of touch and returned to squabbling, the aged and ailing Winfield Scott was able to organize a pathetically thin defense of the Treasury, the White House, and the Capitol, but had to lay plans to strategically abandon everything but the Treasury if the Confederacy attacked.

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  128. Can't fool me, that's totally un-biblical idolatry. It has to be a 100-foot statue of the 10 Commandments. With little golden calves supporting it on their little horns.

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  129. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person8:25 PM

    expect some hilarious hearings when those bars go missing.

    When, indeed. Not if. Oh, god, this is gonna be good. If expensive...

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  130. keeping taxpayer funds from leaving Texas to pay for fees to store gold in facilities outside our state

    Ah, yes, the bullshit narrative about "conservative makers and liberal takers" that gets things exactly wrong.

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  131. Yeah, these guys looked at the missing pallets of hundred dollar bills in Iraq as inspiration, rather than a cautionary tale. There's going to be a lot of skimming by cronies here.

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  132. Ah, but they had projected their beliefs onto him and they believed their belief would work.

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  133. I wonder if Capriglione is a cousin of Ennio Morricone... he can propose that the state anthem be changed to The Ecstasy of Gold.

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  134. billcinsd9:26 PM

    Gold in trouble is a temporary thing

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  135. smut clyde9:28 PM

    http://manybooks.net/original_covers/p/piperh/piperh2012120121-8.jpg

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  136. coozledad9:54 PM

    That was the old days of capital, when you had to figure out who to stop fucking .Shortly after the opening of the Civil War, capital figured out it could fuck whoever it wanted.

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  137. Is there a way to convince TXGOP that they're a valuable resource that should be secured somewhere Obamathugs can't get 'em?

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  138. coozledad10:08 PM

    What they did have was grist for hoarding and speculation. During the panicked retreat from Petersburg there were accounts of Lee's baggage train disgorging hoarded shoes and small iron stoves designed for cooking in the field that were never dispersed to the troops. They had been dedicating supply line rail stock to grift.

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  139. coozledad10:10 PM

    Lee's army didn't have mapmakers. The Feds completely blew them away on that.

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  140. susanoftexas10:29 PM

    Evidently Planet Texas doesn't have gravity.

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  141. No A Specter is Haunting Texas?

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  142. P Gustaf11:05 PM

    When it comes to TX threatening secession, I say shit or get off the pot.

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  143. AGoodQuestion11:31 PM

    Moreover, by privatizing the depository’s operations, Capriglione said he was able to begin recruiting “stakeholders” who “are interested in being a part of the system we’re creating.”


    Yes, well, if a poultry farmer goes out looking to get foxes involved in his henhouse, he'll find plenty who want to get in on the ground floor, so to speak. And by "so to speak" I mean "literally".

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  144. AGoodQuestion11:40 PM

    And if anyone comes looking for the gold, distract them with delicious Hostess Twinkies™, which are close enough in certain lights.

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  145. AGoodQuestion11:42 PM

    *Only state to secede from the USA twice, folks.
    Third time's the charm?

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  146. AGoodQuestion12:04 AM

    I'd say that would put them on a collision course with Kansas, but the days of there being a place called "Kansas" may be numbered.

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  147. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:08 AM

    Texas may be ground zero of the voter-restriction squads, but with this much derp elected in only a few years, it may become GZ for a new Intelligence/Sanity Testing For Candidates initiative...

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  148. Hmpfpf12:14 AM

    "groups willing to start their own depository and IT security companies with underground storage facilities"

    Texas aspires to set a low bar.

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  149. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:30 AM

    And can be stir-fried up with some greens, in an emergency...

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  150. Gabriel Ratchet12:45 AM

    Indeed, Texas has no gold bars in the Federal Reserve’s New York vault ...

    This is the thing I can't get over: that at a time when there are God knows how many other pressing things the state could be using its limited resources on, they actually think spending millions to house completely nonexistent gold to be a worthwhile use of its taxpayers' money.
    More than ever I regret not having become a monorail salesman.

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  151. Gabriel Ratchet1:35 AM

    The Hunt Brothers -- don't get me started on those assholes. Their big plan to corner the silver market in the late 70s just happened to coincide with my first year of film school, with the result that the price of film stock (of which silver is a vital ingredient) went through the roof and student allotments were cut proportionately. Fuck those guys.

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  152. PersonaAuGratin1:36 AM

    First Grexit. Then Brexit. Time to add "Texit" to the vocabulary.

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  153. montag23:40 AM

    When I heard about this, I thought, "Fort McKnox, Inc., Texas."

    I also thought about the remarks of a gold market analyst a few years ago, approximately that there were at least four or five times the value of actual gold in gold certificates floating around, so if this state gold depository is laying the groundwork for secession and a return to a 100% gold standard, they're in for a mighty fucking rude surprise.

    But, after Dubya got through with his gerrymandering of the board of trustees of UT when he was governor, I'm not at all surprised that UT has lost money on its investments. As soon as he became governor, a lot of his daddy's friends knew that he'd opened the cash register drawer and it was time to dip in. Handing over ~ $4 million to HSBC for doing nothing that the Fed could have done for much less certainly couldn't have involved any insider dealing, could it?

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  154. montag23:46 AM

    "As trustees for an endowment fund, it's pretty much a breach of fiduciary duty."

    And since when were friends of the Bushies and the Perrys ever much concerned about that?

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  155. montag23:57 AM

    There's plenty of room at the Bush ranch in Paraguay, I'll bet.

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  156. montag24:21 AM

    Geez, Porter Stansberry still is not in jail. Wonders never cease. And "Dr. Rand Paul" is quite the neat twist, given that he can't use "Rep." any longer, even though they've got him posed in Washington in his best dentist-on-vacation suit. He had to have been a chiropractor in his previous life.

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  157. montag24:22 AM

    "... and unguessable depths of stupefaction... not to mention grifting. Never forget grifting."

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  158. montag24:25 AM

    Ah, but Academi Intelligence, Inc., knew about your lack of faith well in advance.

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  159. montag24:33 AM

    Just try to imagine what the Texas lege could come up with if they met every year, instead of every other year.

    They'd make North Korea look positively sensible.

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  160. montag24:36 AM

    "What's Eric Prince of Dorkness up to these days?"

    No good, no doubt. Probably picking up where Margaret Thatcher's son left off... trying to take over the continent of Africa, I would guess.

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  161. montag24:44 AM

    it seems to be the aim of the Wall Streeters to undo the country, so yeah, I can see the country being reduced once again to thirteen colonies and then sold back to the British out of bankruptcy.

    Claims by native Americans, of course, would be disallowed.

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  162. montag24:46 AM

    Texas has buried the bar already, and long forgotten where. Thus this renewed interest in bars.

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  163. redoubtagain7:46 AM

    This man was as responsible for the South's defeat as Grant, Sherman and Thomas.
    PS: I call it the "War of Southern Aggression"; I've been a buff since I was eight years old.

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  164. coozledad8:05 AM

    You probably know the answer to this question.


    There's a relatively recent book on Thomas' role in bringing his troops up to speed with the realities of a war of maneuver. And I can't remember the title or the author. The author taught at UNC and was a Coast Guard vet.

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  165. "Shit" is right, as in "chickenshit." People like Abbot and 4-Eyes Goodhair like to talk tough, but they know in the end which side of the bread the butter's on. What they need is for somebody like Ruth Bader Ginsburg to go down there and slap them across their fucking face.

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  166. gocart mozart10:09 AM

    The silver is for bullets for coming werewolf apocalypse.

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  167. Halloween_Jack10:13 AM

    At least the Hunts went bankrupt (although William seems to have come back from it, according to Wikipedia). Every once in a while, one of these redneck tycoons comes to grief: John Connally, Nixon's Secretary of the Treasury, also went bankrupt, and Neil "The Really Dumb One" Bush barely skated away from the S&L crisis, and then only through family connections.

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  168. Helmut Monotreme10:15 AM

    It's like watching a skilled artisan at work, or a Hawaiian volcano pour lava into the ocean, this is new vocabulary being born before our eyes.

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  169. BigHank5310:33 AM

    Not Piper's best novel, but still worth the read. Of the various artists we've lost way too early, I might be most wistful about the stuff he he never got the chance to write.

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  170. realinterrobang11:16 AM

    A bunch of guys in the UK got away with three tonnes (6613 pounds) of gold (and they were only planning to steal cash; it's not like they came prepared for gold bullion), and the authorities never found a lot of it afterward. That's the problem with gold; once you melt it and mix it with other gold, it becomes basically untraceable, unlike, say, bills that have serial numbers.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brink's-MAT_robbery

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  171. realinterrobang11:26 AM

    I laughed out loud when I hit the part about Confederates not wanting to pay taxes. Big dreams, but they want someone else to pay for them. Some things never change, I guess.

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  172. susanoftexas11:28 AM

    The base metal alloy used in costume jewelry is mostly copper and during WWII the huge American costume jewelry industry had to substitute sterling silver. People who perhaps could not afford silver used everything from paper to acorns to make jewelry.

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  173. caroln12:14 PM

    And they can't say they weren't warned. http://www.amazon.com/Shrub-Short-Happy-Political-George/dp/0375757147/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1434643851&sr=1-1&keywords=molly+ivins+shrub

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  174. susanoftexas12:23 PM

    The right has always refused to listen to facts they don't like. Then they plead ignorance.
    I forgot the arrogance in Bush's physical presence. The photo on the cover of the book is very very telling. A main facial clue for contempt is a lip corner tightened and raised, and I don't think I have ever seen a more lopsided lip rise.

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  175. redoubtagain12:25 PM

    Thanks. I couldn't remember; I have that one. (I love how overmatched John Bell Hood turns out to be against Thomas.)

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  176. GreenEagle12:29 PM

    Here is something to know about this: The State budget of Texas is just about $100 billion a year. So, this billion dollars in gold is just about enough to run the State for three and a half days. This whole thing is just one more infantile scream for attention, which really has no effect on anything.

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  177. And in order to save copper, steel was used for minting coins in a her f="">1943<

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  178. ohsopolite1:48 PM

    Better buy a new one--you're going to be needing it.

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  179. Handing over ~ $4 million to HSBC for doing nothing

    HSBC, eh?

    Now I'm recalling the oft-repeated accusation Republicans made during the late Clinton years that Bill, and later Gore, were going to "sell off the country to China." Anyone else remember that one? Out of nowhere, Republicans were accusing the Clintons and Gores of this vague, ill-defined plot to betray the public's trust by somehow transferring the nation's wealth to Chinese interests. Specifics were never given, evidence never presented, motives never explained beyond our inherent treachery but this vague accusation was made over and over until it became just an accepted fact on the right: of course the Dems were going to loot the treasury and give it to the Chinese.

    I hadn't yet learned the rule that with the GOP, IT'S ALWAYS PROJECTION. ALWAYS.

    Now would be a good time to check for GOP officials' connections to ISIS or their plans for a military

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  180. PersonaAuGratin2:23 PM

    The little threads woven into the banknote paper will come from Sergio Marchionne's sweater collection.

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  181. coozledad3:48 PM

    Michael Nyman might owe Morricone some co writing credit for this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XP62VUImP3g



    The soprano sounds like the cornet part in the Morricone piece.

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  182. Tybalt4:21 PM

    "Not many"

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  183. Tybalt4:26 PM

    Richard Feynman used to tell the story of needing to get some huge hunks of gold to Los Alamos to stand in for uranium in models of atomic bomb designs. They got the army to requisition some from Treasury. He later saw one of the hemispheres being used as a doorstop for someone's office.

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  184. Yes, it does sound like that!

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  185. Jon Hendry8:15 PM

    It's nice of them to move all that gold so much closer to the Mexican cartels, who I'm sure know a thing or two about moving 80,000 pounds of stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  186. mgmonklewis10:06 PM

    I would've upvoted this for "libertarian market-fondling" alone.

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  187. mgmonklewis10:10 PM


    Were you sent here by the Devil?
    No, good sir, I'm on the level!"

    ReplyDelete
  188. mgmonklewis10:12 PM

    Oh, there's peckers involved all right.

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  189. Hemidemisemiquaver11:49 PM

    "expect some hilarious hearings when those bars go missing"

    Reminds me of the Manhattan Project. The US Treasury loaned some tons of silver for use in wiring, especially in cyclotrons. At the end, when the silver was returned, a fair amount of it had disappeared, far above what might have been attributable to loss due to usage.

    I wish I had a reference for y'all but I don't.

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  190. Jon Hendry1:53 AM

    "it's pretty much a breach of fiduciary duty."


    That's fancy NORTHERNER talk. Texans don't believe in that kind of socialist claptrap.

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  191. Jon Hendry1:55 AM

    Monorails are environmentalist boondoggles.


    In Texas you'd have better luck selling a quadrail. It's better because it has four rails, which is three more than one rail.

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  192. Jon Hendry2:05 AM

    Counter it?


    Just pray that the innocent people this would hurt most will find a way to leave the state.

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  193. Jon Hendry2:06 AM

    Step 1. Toss a pebble or tin can into the depository lobby.
    Step 2. Wait until the gunfire ceases.
    Step 3. Wait until the moans stop.
    Step 4. Enter, collect gold.

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  194. Jon Hendry2:12 AM

    I think the southern US is under a giant cloud of carbon monoxide or something. Not enough to be fatal, just enough to damage cognitive function.

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  195. Jon Hendry2:14 AM

    Ron Paul was an OBGYN, if you can fucking believe that.

    ReplyDelete