Friday, June 19, 2015

FRIDAY 'ROUND-THE-HORN.



Richard Hell, Tom Verlaine, and Billy Ficca. The right kind of shrill.

•   Two days after Charleston, National Review's The Corner is a river in Egypt. Don't you dare blame guns! What's so racist about the Confederacy? (Reihan Salam gently suggests that maybe now is not the time to fly the Battle Flag, and NRO commenters erupt with rebel yells -- "I think beta males and PC finks like our author here - will guarantee that flag flies proudly for some time to come," etc. -- and racism, some of it specifically aimed at Salam, e.g. "Reihan Salam's pals are currently destroying symbols in Mosul, Ramadi and Palmyra. He's not a good source for rational thought, as Kipling would say.") But the craziest -- so far -- is David French. The title of his post, "If One of the Churchgoers in Charleston Had Been Armed..." promises crackpottery, and the post itself delivers more than just a maudlin fantasy of heat-packing parishioners saving the day. Sample:
As I read the news and watched the coverage, I felt stricken for the victims, fury at the attacker, and more than a little personal conviction. Not because of any silly notions of collective white guilt or other nonsense peddled by the radical Left — and certainly not because I’ve long opposed the Left’s gun-control efforts and supported the individual, inherent right of self-defense, including the right to keep and bear arms. No, I felt conviction because of the numerous times that I’ve walked out of my house unarmed and thus largely incapable of defending myself — and, more important, others — from violent acts. Perhaps I chose not to wear the right kind of clothing — pants that allow me to conceal my carry pistol, for example. Perhaps it crossed my mind to carry, but I thought, “I’m not going anywhere dangerous.” The men and women at the Emanuel Bible study probably didn’t think they were in any danger, either... 
If the unthinkable happens, and I watch as my family, my friends, or even members of my community I’ve never met are hurt or killed when I could have prevented it by carrying the weapon I’ve trained myself to use, I could never forgive myself...
Don’t just carry. Don’t just go to the state-mandated training, buy a weapon, and then forget about it. Unless you train yourself to use it, that weapon would probably be less useful to you in an emergency than a similarly weighted rock. At least you’d instinctively know to throw the rock. Practice with a handgun until you can take it from a position of safe carry to active engagement within seconds. Then practice that again until you’ve beaten your best time. Then practice again. And realize that practice isn’t a burden but a joy...
So Charleston inspires French to be even more of a gun nut -- one who can't go anywhere without one -- and to try and get the rest of us to support his fantasy by playing with guns until we love them like he does. In the immortal words of Max Bialystock, this man should be in a strait-jacket.

•   Meanwhile at PJ Media, here's some culture war from David Swindle:


Why can't Tyrion be nice? Also, Leopold Bloom went to prostitutes, when they make a TV show out of it let's fix that. But here's my favorite part:
The concept that I propose discussing, which Game of Thrones illustrates better than any show on television today, is this: Postmodern Pornography. How is pomo-porno different than the traditional variety? In much the same way that Barack Obama’s Saul Alinsky-style, pragmatic community-organizing Marxism differs from the more honest Marxism of his mentors Frank Marshall Davis, Derrick Bell, Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers, and Bernardine Dohrn.
Say what you want about the tenets of Swindlism, dude, at least it's an ethos.

•   Hey, remember that Bullets and Bourbon thing the Ole Perfesser and a bunch other nuts were planning for December? Here's fresh promo by Ed Driscoll. Stephen Green narrates from (it sounds like) inside a barrel over telephone hold music about how the Perfesser et alia will be talking to guests "about threats to the Second Amendment." (This is at a ranch in Texas, by the way, which is like talking about threats to the rich at Davos.)  Then the music changes to U2 Muzak and we see guys shooting at targets, which Green describes as "images to really whet your appetite." Targets! What about the most dangerous game? If I'm paying $1,699 I expect to get all likkered up and hunt humans. Maybe there's a platinum-level membership they aren't telling us about.



262 comments:

  1. susanoftexas9:57 AM

    French might not want to strap on that gun so quickly. He actually looks a lot like the various and assorted shooters, except for his age. It's the look in his eye-both vulnerable and dead.

    Maybe that's just from being married to Bristol Palin's ghostwriter, though.

    French also has an adopted African daughter. I shudder to think what he's telling her right now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don’t just carry. Don’t just go to the state-mandated training, buy a weapon, and then forget about it. Unless you train yourself to use it, that weapon would probably be less useful to you in an emergency than a similarly weighted rock. At least you’d instinctively know to throw the rock. Practice with a handgun until you can take it from a position of safe carry to active engagement within seconds. Then practice that again until you’ve beaten your best time. Then practice again. And realize that practice isn’t a burden but a joy...
    That is honestly one of the creepiest things I've ever read. So French's advice is as follows:
    1.) Assume that you're in constant mortal danger.
    2.) Practice your quick draw.
    3.) Learn to enjoy the thought of shooting someone dead.
    Because an armed, twitchy and power-tripping society is a happy society.

    ReplyDelete
  3. If the congregants had shot Roof in self-defense, the NRO headline would have screamed: BLACK MOB KILLS CLEAN-CUT WHITE BOY.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Atrios10:10 AM

    For awhile my local newspaper website comments section (it's one of my few great joys in life) was populated by someone who in response to basically anything about the city (anything from a new restaurant to a 10K race to ,well, anything) was basically "I don't understand why people do this? They just need to start gardening. That's all anyone really needs to be happy." It was somewhat just anti-urban, but mostly this guy was just obsessed with gardening and didn't understand why everyone else wasn't too.

    Gardening has one clear advantage over gun nuttery, however...

    ReplyDelete
  5. tinheart10:13 AM

    If any of those people at that church were packing, French's headline would have read "White teenager forced to kill in self defense against dangerous armed blacks."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Halloween_Jack10:13 AM

    Another day, another conservative fuckwit who thinks he's a gunslinger. And wouldn't shoot someone who's scratching his belly or taking out a phone in a reflective case. Or moved too fast, or looked like they weren't having a good day. Or was just, you know, black. David French wouldn't hesitate, wouldn't freak out if the person next to him got gunned down and he got blood and brains on him, wouldn't shoot if he didn't have a clear field of fire, wouldn't waste ammo, etc. He's a veteran (as a judge advocate, but whatever) and could be the person that Chris Kyle pretended to be if only he got the chance, and wore his special gun pants. The gun pants will make him into The Man With No Name, you see.

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  7. susanoftexas10:13 AM

    Please tell me he signs the letters "Voltaire."

    ReplyDelete
  8. tinheart10:13 AM

    Get out of my mind! (puts on aluminum foil hat)

    ReplyDelete
  9. susanoftexas10:15 AM

    Man With No Name---->Horse With No Name--->Horse's Ass With A Suspiciously Foreign Name
    It's a logical progression.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ormond10:17 AM

    So, he needs to wear pants big enough to carry his gun? If he uses his gun over and over, if he practices, it brings him joy? He wants everyone to practice with him, too? That's...man...that's some real stuff he should be talking to someone about.

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  11. Ormond10:18 AM

    If more reactionary men were armed and comfortable with shooting other people, then tragedies like in Charleston wouldn't happen!

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  12. tinheart10:19 AM

    I think the word for it is "ammosexuality."

    ReplyDelete
  13. edroso10:21 AM

    Can you send him over here?

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think the real burden is the ability of both of us to get into the heads of NRO creeps- we've been parsing their words for waaaaay too long.

    ReplyDelete
  15. MarkBarton10:22 AM

    I socialize sometimes with a lady who packs a gun in her purse. It's about a million times more likely she'll drop it causing the gun to go off than it ever helps her. All it is is an attractive target for someone to rob. I wonder how many CHL owners get shot with their own guns.

    ReplyDelete
  16. MarkBarton10:23 AM

    Of course, since she's white, she probably won't be shot by a cop.

    ReplyDelete
  17. susanoftexas10:26 AM

    There's this moment in Atlas Shrugged where Dagny is overwhelmed by the loneliness of being an Ubermensch and humps her desk. French's post reminds me of that moment.
    On a side note, it's amusing to see that French just crams his gun down his pants. From what I've seen in KagroX's Twitter feed, guns tend to go off that way.

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  18. susanoftexas10:29 AM

    Do they stand in a circle when they jerk the trigger?
    Do they pull it out of their pants and aim at a target?
    I could go on.

    ReplyDelete
  19. "[T]ake it to active engagement within
    seconds. Then practice that again until you’ve beaten your best time.
    Then practice again. And realize that practice isn’t a burden but a
    joy..."


    Remember kids, speed is more important than size or endurance, amirite ladies?

    ReplyDelete
  20. susanoftexas10:33 AM

    To a certain point. Nobody wants the gun to go off before it's out of the pants.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "Practice your quick draw."


    How'd that work out for Tamir Rice?

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  22. Jay B.10:37 AM

    He's not a good source for rational thought, as Kipling would say.

    It must hurt a guy like Salam. He's carried SO MUCH WATER and then at the end, he's still the White Man's Burden. Assholes all around. I think I have to stay off the Internet today.

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  23. redoubtagain10:40 AM

    "If you don't go clean your room right now, you're next."

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  24. Small target, he'd probably miss.

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  25. coozledad10:44 AM

    Then practice again. And realize that practice isn’t a burden but a joy...

    I set aside childhood things. Just ran slap out of hormonal fluids.

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  26. FlipYrWhig10:48 AM

    Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
    Bart: What kind of game?
    Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
    Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Downpup E10:50 AM

    Veronica Rutledge' surviving relatives fell all over each other to reaffirn their love of guns after she was shot by her 2 year old.

    ReplyDelete
  28. coozledad10:50 AM

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTGmTrQXrwg

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  29. BigHank5310:54 AM

    The gun pants....are actually a real thing. A loaded handgun is heavy. Like over two pounds worth of heavy. If you clip a holster to the waistband of your average jeans, they're going to sag like crazy, which means your holster flops around, and your gun won't be where you expect it to be. Pants designed for concealed carry have a big stiff piece of plastic sewn into them for stability.

    In a weird way, my estimation for French actually went up after reading this column. Not only does he point out the need for practice with a firearm (though he glosses over the expense; ammunition and range time will easily cost $1000/year) he finishes his essay up with this:

    None of this, of course, guarantees your personal safety. None of
    this guarantees that in a moment of maximum stress that you’ll make the
    right decision...Even though — as an Iraq vet — I’ve had far more training than
    the average American, I still don’t know how I’d respond to any given
    crisis until that crisis is upon me.


    My goodness, Mr. French, it sounds like you might understand why some people don't feel like toting around a portable death machine.

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  30. "No, I felt conviction because of the numerous times that I’ve walked out
    of my house unarmed and thus largely incapable of defending myself —
    and, more important, others — from violent acts."


    And yet here you are, David... to this day still uninjured, with all two of your typing fingers intact. I look forward to French's followup piece in which he wonders why no one in the congregation threw their cell phones at Dylann Roof.

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  31. Reihan, Reihan, Reihan... You'll never be a member of the Kool Kids' Klub.

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  32. "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a trowel is a good guy with a trowel."

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  33. susanoftexas11:01 AM

    He had a concealed carry in his specially modified diapers. She was looking at him funny. It was self-defense.

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  34. It must hurt a guy like Salam. He's carried SO MUCH WATER

    But if it comes to slaughter
    You will do your work on water,
    An' you'll lick the bloomin' boots of 'im that's got it.

    (Speaking of the White Man's Burden, and all.)

    ReplyDelete
  35. coozledad11:18 AM

    Nothing is quite a relaxing as picking off potato bugs with an AK.

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  36. French's NRO profile states that he's a Bronze Star winner. I wondered how one could demonstrate enough valor in combat to win a Bronze Star as a member of the JAG corps, so I went to Wikipedia to find the requirements. This seemed to apply:

    "The Bronze Star Medal is awarded only to service members in combat who are receiving imminent danger pay."

    Good thing he was there in 2007, when everyone serving in Iraq got Imminent Danger Pay

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  37. Also reminds me of how that Texas gun group re-enacted the Charlie Hebdo murders. Even when there wasn't an element of surprise, it was very difficult to survive and fatally take down attackers: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/texas-pro-gun-group-recreates-charlie-hebdo-attack-article-1.2081534


    In some situations guns can serve as protection, but some people get carried away with this ridiculous belief - that when they have a gun, they'll react instantaneously and flawlessly to any attack (surprise attack or otherwise), as if they're the heroes in an action movie or western.


    And yes, it is hideous how the same group of people who tries to find any excuse possible for brutality against unarmed black people (reaching for his waist band, looked like a thug, etc.) are saying they want black people carrying weapons. Right.

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  38. "Seeing a bunch of black people murdered by white guy, reminds me, a white guy, to make sure that no matter what horrible things happen to other people, it is ultimately always about me. Cheers!"


    p.s. I am not victim blaming by suggesting they should have had guns! I'm just saying that if people don't want to be shot, they should have guns.

    ReplyDelete
  39. mortimer200011:34 AM

    Yeah,. You can almost hear the heavy breathing in that whole
    whole "practice... practice... beaten... practice... practice... joy" bit
    Is it me, or does this sound like French needs some Kleenex on hand when he does that.



    BTW, has Glenn Reynolds played the "it was the church's fault for being a gun-free zone" whine yet?

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  40. Halloween_Jack11:34 AM

    That's a good point.

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  41. mortimer200011:35 AM

    Whenever these troglodytes go on about how the confederate flags are just symbols of "Southern Heritage" I have one question, what fucking Southern Heritage are they talking about? Until 1861 the flag of the South was the American flag, and again ever since 1865. If the sum total of their "heritage" is 4 years of Civil War then it's an entirely racist and pro-slavery legacy, period. (Not to mention, all those slave-built antebellum mansions and the plantation good life is not just a southern heritage, but an American one, and much as northerners like to think they were above it all by dint of being on the right side in the War there were not a few mansions built up here from slave trade profits.)
    If they really want symbols of their southern "heritage" how about whips and a chains, with a side order of treason?

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  42. Buffalo Rude11:36 AM

    I believe Instaputz has played that hand already. If not him, someone whined it yesterday but I refuse to go look for it.

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  43. I once got way too much amusement out of discovering Thunderware!

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  44. Buffalo Rude11:39 AM

    [blink, blink]


    That’s amazing.

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  45. BigHank5311:40 AM

    I had an uncle who marched into Poland. In 1939. I wouldn't expect the "heritage, not hate" line to get me any slack if I displayed a swastika, and I wouldn't fucking deserve any, either.

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  46. Bowl-Cut white boy?

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  47. Rugosa11:53 AM

    During the pursuit of the Boston Marathon bombers, a cop was shot and nearly killed. The subsequent investigation concluded that the bullet was almost certainly fired by another cop. Cops are trained for this kind of situation, and yet the chances of something going wrong are very high. Do we really want vigilantes who've only trained in their imaginations deciding to play hero?

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  48. Rugosa11:55 AM

    I garden in a community garden. If spades and trowels fired bullets, I know of a couple of people who be facing off at ten paces.

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  49. RogerAiles11:59 AM

    If only that 87 year old woman had been packing.

    She's got blood on her hands.

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  50. susanoftexas12:06 PM

    I hope nobody sets off a firecracker in a megachurch. The crossfire is going to kill a lot of bible-toting grannies. I imagine more people will be packing on Sunday than ever before.
    I have not seen anyone explain how they will tell the difference between an ammosexual and his close personal companion Gertie the Glock and a mass shooter with a gun in his pants and fists of ammo in his jacket. Is the hypothetical conservative (henceforth known as "Bubba") supposed to stand around and watch every armed person every second so they can take the shooter out in the split second before he fires on Bubba? The more armed people walking around, the more potential shooters. Nobody can live in a constant state of fear without something cracking.
    When they realize that one gun won't keep them or their loved ones safe in every circumstances will we see a personal arms escalation? Rich conservatives can cover themselves with knives, guns, knuckle-dusters, and high-tech security toys. Will the poor conservatives enjoy their vicarious safety while imposing harsher control on whomever they perceive as an enemy?

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  51. susanoftexas12:07 PM

    That backyard chicken didn't kill, pluck, clean, and roast itself.

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  52. Ellis_Weiner12:08 PM

    This is like a Python sketch. "News for Parrots." Or an Onion op-ed.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Randy Gibbons12:08 PM

    I'm not a bigtime troll, but I wanna troll Philly Gardening Guy. It'd be too bad if he just comments and leaves.

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  54. As I read the news and watched the coverage, I felt stricken for the victims, fury at the attacker, and more than a little personal conviction.



    Say what?


    He quite obviously does NOT feel anything at all for the victims, unless he thinks the victims are white racists taking pride in their 'heritage'. UG.

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  55. Practice with a handgun until you can take it from a position of safe carry to active engagement within seconds. Then practice that again until you’ve beaten your best time. Then practice again. And realize that practice isn’t a burden but a joy...

    Because it always works out just so well.
    https://youtu.be/paxk_LPmdMI

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  56. coozledad12:16 PM

    He looks like a guy who has to practice a lot.

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  57. It was one of the assholes on the NRA board of directors. He specifically noted that the Pastor was a proponent of gun control, and thus was responsible for his own death.

    Logic: How the fuck does that work?

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  58. There's no 'slow motion' in real life. In real life the hero doesn't have time to draw his gun, he's busy hiding under a desk or in a closet.

    ReplyDelete
  59. coozledad12:22 PM

    Evan Hurst, at Wonkette:
    Charles Cotton is a member of the NRA’s board, and he knows who killed those people. No, not Dylann Storm Roof, the alleged gunman who has since confessed, silly! It was Rev. Clementa Pinckney, state senator and pastor at Emanuel AME Church, according to Cotton. How did Pinckney manage that? By voting against a bill that would have allowed people to carry concealed guns in church, of course!

    Cotton helpfully explained this on TexasCHLForum.com, which claims to be “the focal point for Texas firearms information and discussions,” and where he is a site administrator:



    “And he voted against concealed-carry. Eight of his church members who might be alive if he had expressly allowed members to carry handguns in church are dead. Innocent people died because of his position on a political issue.”

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  60. Even in the Wild West Days most people didn't go around armed, especially in social situations.

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  61. It's the fantasy aspect of it that they can't get past. Like the Aurora theater shooting in which they fantasize about how they'd have drawn down on the bad guy.

    In the dark.
    In the middle of a theater full of panicking people.
    While they, themselves, were suffering from shock and panic.

    And if their fantasy was in true fruition, they would have been among a number of people who had drawn guns and begun firing, so in all of the confusion, there is no possible way to know who was the bad guy with the gun and who were good guys--especially since their fantasy generally involves the Mooslim Hordes attacking.

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  62. coozledad12:25 PM

    I'm surprised that stupid fucker didn't die immediately from the blast wave travelling up his femoral artery.

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  63. Thank you, I needed a laugh.

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  64. It's not a mystery to these guys:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CH3nWWVUsAEoyFK.jpg
    ~

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  65. DN Nation12:30 PM

    Oh come on.


    As always, I know I shouldn't be lookist, but these boastful wingnut poindexters make it hard.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Saul Alinsky-style

    That's right, sheeple! He's going to pass the TPP with mainly GOP support, and then BAM! Commie takeover!
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  67. WSJ declares that Charleston shooting signals end of institutional racism:

    Back then and before, the institutions of government—police, courts, organized segregation—often worked to protect perpetrators of racially motivated violence, rather than their victims.

    The last time I checked, the armed and dangerous white murderer of nine innocent people was apprehended alive, while the black guy selling loosies was killed.

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  68. bourbaki12:32 PM

    He's heightening the contradictions man.

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  69. glennisw12:32 PM

    Since when is Jeremiah Wright a Marxist?

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  70. Another example of how conservative beliefs are more like blind faith than the result of any rational thought-process. "I believe! I believe!"

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  71. I'd get behind Frenchie & yell "Boo!", but the subsequent stench would probably be a little much.

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  72. glennisw12:33 PM

    My colleague administers a community garden for our small municipality. You are absolutely right about that.

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  73. glennisw12:40 PM

    The men and women at the Emanuel Bible study probably didn’t think they were in any danger, either...



    This is insanity. Of course they didn't think they were in danger. Does he really think an 87 year old grandmother should think she was in danger going to her Bible group? Does he really think they should have packed on the way to study, in case they'd have to blow away a killer in between verse readings?


    So for David French, the problem isn't that some crazy dude has been so inflamed by hateful racist rhetoric that he's willing to gun down innocent strangers, the problem is that 75 year old sextons and 87 year old grandmas are too irresponsible to arm themselves on the way to Bible study.


    BTW trivial note - David French is married to Bristol and Sarah Palin's ghostwriter, Nancy French.

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  74. coozledad12:40 PM

    As a former Postal Service employee, I spent a lot of time thinking about my escape route, and If I'd be better off maximizing speed /distance by running in the open, or flattening myself beneath the sorting cases and choosing a diagonal to the swinging exit doors.
    There was still the matter of the parking lot, partially enclosed by a wall you couldn't leap even if you were only "lightly wounded'.
    Eventually i comforted myself that anyone with a gun was going to go straight for the Postmaster, who was an excruciating asshole. That would give us all plenty of time as the shooter (we all suspected who it might be) gleefully emptied several clips into an already prone target.

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  75. JennOfArk12:42 PM

    I've come to the conclusion that the general direction of the pushback on this gun lunacy needs to be that people who love guns aren't the only ones who have rights. The Constitution isn't just one amendment. The overarching theme, as presented right there at the beginning, is "...to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity..."


    The wild west mentality about guns fails that test many times over. "Justice" too often accrues to the guy holding the gun; or, not "justice" exactly, but "winning" in that the other guy is dead. There's no domestic tranquility if you can't go anywhere without being surrounded by people packing. Living in an armed camp is not "tranquility" by any stretch of the imagination. The bit about the "common defense" pretty much takes the "I have a right to as many guns of any kind as I want" thing off at the knees, clarifying that the intent of the 2nd Amendment is collective defense, not "Imma have my own armory." Last, and most important, how free or liberated is any people who live under the daily threat of random mass murder? Or who are surrounded by paranoid & fearful people carrying weapons wherever they go? How free is your speech when you think twice about disagreeing with the redneck at the bar with an AR slung over his shoulder?


    We may not be able to really get rid of guns, but we could sure have a lot fewer of them, if we required things like background checks for all purchases, waiting periods, mandatory safety training at purchaser's expense for EVERY gun purchased, meaning if you want to have dozens of them, you go to the training & pay for it dozens of times, mandatory insurance coverage on each gun, etc. None of those infringe on your right to ultimately own a gun - they just require that you take some measures of responsibility. Like we do with all our other rights.

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  76. DN Nation12:43 PM

    I went on an annual drinkin' trip with old friends from high school, and this year one of them was packing heat. Why he thought he was in mortal danger at the beach, I'll never know. Dude gets wasted and starts screwing around with the gun, and eventually I excuse myself to another room, because, shit.


    Of course I hear all manner of "liberal pussy" drunk talk from him.


    Gun nuts have always had that paranoid style and underlying racist concerns, but they at least used to respect the actual instrument. Nowadays they can't even muster that.

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  77. DN Nation12:46 PM

    Or janitors making minimum wage.


    Which is too high, per the wingnuts.

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  78. IYKWIMAITYD.

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  79. Ellis_Weiner12:57 PM

    Is it worth pointing out that if you're paying a prostitute, she's not a "sex slave"? That the very definition of "slave" is someone not paid for their labor? (Another term for this is "intern.") I know these guys are stupid, but do they have to be dumb, too?

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  80. support his fantasy by playing with guns until we love them like he does.BLACK GUY AT WALMART: Hmmm ... Okay.


    [Picks up air rifle; is immediately gunned down by white cop]

    ReplyDelete
  81. Gromet1:03 PM

    I'm happy to say that even though I'm a Democrat -- so you'd think I know every Marxist in the book -- I've made it this far in life without ever hearing the names Frank Marshall Davis and Derrick Bell until today. Please, no one tell me who they're supposed to be.

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  82. I think the best option is to enforce the "well-regulated militia" clause- you want to carry a gun? Get up at 5AM one Saturday a month and go on a ten-mile hike in full gear.

    That would cause the enchantment to lose its allure.

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  83. Ellis_Weiner1:05 PM

    I don't care how awful the Internet can be. If it can bring us this, it's o-kay by me.

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  84. Gromet1:07 PM

    And then six months from now when some unarmed black kid is gunned down by a white dude, naturally the defense becomes: "Anybody would have assumed he was packing -- I mean those people even carry handguns to church! I was afraid for my life."

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  85. John Wesley Hardin1:08 PM

    "The Wages Are Too Damned High" party.

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  86. Ellis_Weiner1:08 PM

    My obsession with this topic involves acoustics. You're a pistol-packin' patriot in a public space. You hear (what you think is) a shot. Sure, you "know" where it comes from. But acoustics, either outside or inside, can be tricky and deceptive. Who ya gonna shoot? The person shoving their hand in their pocket (to get their phone)? Because the sound "came from there"?

    The idea that more guns equals more safety is literally deranged.

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  87. DN Nation1:09 PM

    http://www.theonion.com/article/nra-starts-their-shit-about-what-would-be-even-gre-50706



    The Onion, having long ago been surpassed in satire by *real life*, drops the pretense and brings the wood.

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  88. John Wesley Hardin1:10 PM

    Alliance wanker.

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  89. Gromet1:11 PM

    Sweet Jesus this is a good point. The simple math of it! If you can't forgo one symbol from 4 years of your 240-year history, what is wrong with you?

    ReplyDelete
  90. mortimer20001:15 PM

    Thank you a bunch. Here he is one year later. I didn't make it past "I'd like to thank slickybeans..."
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEuBXWujeYQ

    ReplyDelete
  91. John Wesley Hardin1:28 PM

    That Swindle column is full of easy targets, i.e., " It’s impossible to have “casual sex” with someone — every sexual act is transformative. I came to this understanding differently than [Ben Shapiro], though, through first-hand experience and painful mistakes."

    "Why curl up at night and watch a show filled with cruel, crazy, unpredictable people stabbing each other in the back for no reason whatsoever when that’s what we have to maneuver around all day in the real world?" Just another day at the offices of PJ Media. (emphasis in original)

    "As you might have observed, I’ve been reading Camille Paglia’s Sexual Personae lately..." Well, I'm sure it's just as relevant now as it was in 1990.

    "Is it just a coincidence that the same culture that celebrates Game of Thrones’ bloodbaths also looks the other way at Ambassador Chris Stevens and three other Americans who were left to die..." BENGHAZI BINGO!

    ReplyDelete
  92. coozledad1:31 PM

    And all the people who stuck by his side during "The Ridicule".


    I can't even begin to describe the exit wound the derisive laughter has made in my day.

    ReplyDelete
  93. slavdude1:35 PM

    Man, this is what I get for being late to the game. I wondered in the other thread about the gun-nuts, and sure enough they started. I'm just wondering when the NRA will weigh in, though.

    ReplyDelete
  94. redoubtagain1:35 PM

    OK, yeah, so this was absolutely a terrorist attack; you can draw a straight line from Hamburg at one end of the state to Charleston at the other, both intended--138 years apart--to destroy local black leadership.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Bethany Spencer1:40 PM

    This made chuckle out loud for some reason.

    ReplyDelete
  96. PersonaAuGratin1:46 PM

    One of my favorite examples of this was some gun-nut's (apparently non-satirical) comment below a story about a lost wild animal (coyote, I think) that had wandered into a bar somewhere. Said nut seemed to think that this situation would have been much improved had several of the bar patrons been packing pistols they could all simultaneously unload on the unfortunate critter.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Davis is worth a Google, if only for what skeert-of-Obama ninnies have managed to accuse him of.

    ReplyDelete
  98. PersonaAuGratin1:52 PM

    I was wondering about that "weapon I’ve trained myself to use" stuff. Given the possibility of plane crashes and operating room mistakes, I wonder if he is also keeping his family safe by teaching himself surgery and airline piloting.

    ReplyDelete
  99. I cant log on to lgm while im out of town so im just going to put this here. You know the other thing thst pisses me off anout the continued flying of the dixie swastika? If these assholes want to pretend that it represents all south carolinians why arent these white neo confederate kooks demanding thst it fly at half staff? Like if you want go pretend its heritage not fuck you to death n people ok then, how do you get away with not pretending for five minutes that your "flag for all of us south carolinians" should be lowered. Im looking at you lindsay graham and nikki haley. What is it about the glag and the leguslature that makes it impossible to lower it?

    ReplyDelete
  100. slavdude1:57 PM

    Yeah, I know a guy who served in the Army and was deployed to Iraq, whom you might think would know better. But he basically said he'd be able to take out someone like Holmes in a darkened, crowded theater.

    Okay, I get the training stuff, but the vast majority of humans don't have the superhuman abilities of discernment and reaction that would be required in this fantasy scenario--I don't care how much combat you've seen (and I'm fairly sure my friend saw some).

    ReplyDelete
  101. tigrismus1:57 PM

    That whole article was amazingly weird, but the Benghazi bit took the cake. I mean, it's a show based on books from the 90's, which in turn were based on actual events from the Middle Ages, when Christianity held sway in England, so OF COURSE it's no coincidence. POMO Marxist Alinsky Ayers Benghazi, yep, that's BINGO all right!

    ReplyDelete
  102. Silly, Rice had a toy. Now if he'd been packing real heat...

    Yeah, that made me a little bit sick...
    ...

    ReplyDelete
  103. Let's be charitable and say that they need to follow the laws established by the legislature and signed into law.
    Why hasn't a bill changing this already flown through the legislature?

    ReplyDelete
  104. It's very simple.


    Too many politicians who don't kowtow to the slack-jawed, gun and bible-clutchin' dumbasses who populate their electorate do not get (re)elected.


    It's the very same reason gun laws will never be meaningfully modified - stupidity simply holds too much sway in America.

    ReplyDelete
  105. I used to describe exactly that scenario. A group of pistol packing patrons sitting in a dark theatre when an accidental discharge takes place and everybody starts firing. I was naive in thinking it might open a mind or two on the idiocy of the "If everybody was packing everyone would be safe" argument.

    Then Aurora happened and all of the usual suspects were all about "If everyone had a gun..."

    Making that argument removes all doubt that you are a fucking moron.
    ...

    ReplyDelete
  106. Lefty Chicago poet who exiled himself to Honolulu and struck up a sweet black guy–white guy friendship with Stanley Dunham, who would bring little Barack over once in a while when they were hanging out. Surely the most lovable character in "Dreams from my Father". So naturally in the winger imagination he's the mastermind who orchestrated Barack's fiendish plans of world revolution and the overthrow of civilization, and in some versions Barack's biological father.

    ReplyDelete
  107. What! You didn't carry your own firearm?

    ReplyDelete
  108. Randy Gibbons2:19 PM

    Before Game of Thrones, I thought all horny, sardonic dwarfs were models of propriety.
    (Still haven't finished the first season, which we somehow ended up with on DVDs. Liked it, so I'm not sure why I stopped.)

    ReplyDelete
  109. Magatha2:20 PM

    Someone needs to re-interview that guy from the Gabby Giffords shooting, a bystander who acknowledged afterwards that he was in fact armed and very nearly shot one of the guys who was trying to disarm the gunman. As I recall it scared the hell out of him.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Ellis_Weiner2:22 PM

    Is it me, or does it sound like Bullets and Bourbon is being held at "Rough Freak Lodge"?

    ReplyDelete
  111. Jebeniah Proulx2:28 PM

    Jesus Christ David French, why would one own any pants or shorts that didn't allow for proper concealment of a firearm?


    "I Would Have Saved Them If I Could": A great American and patriot (David French) agonizes over his greatest hypothetical failure as a man: the day he left home without his gun pants on and had to stand by helplessly as street thugs slaughtered a busload of nuns and orphans bound for the Ted Cruz Religious Freedom rally.

    ReplyDelete
  112. coozledad2:30 PM

    I actually had someone tell me I should carry a gun.
    I started to ask the top three questions that this person needed to hear, but demurred.
    1.On Federal property?
    2.At the fucking post office?
    3. I'm already busting my ass standing and sorting mail for four hours, then driving it around bumfuck for another four. My feet will hurt even more. You don't even want me to have a goddamn can opener at work, much less a gun. Are you out of your fucking mind?

    ReplyDelete
  113. We've already had Faux ask if white people should be afraid to enter black churches.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Lannister= Lancasters
    Starks= Yorks
    The author isn't trying to hide where he got his ideas. And that's cool. I like the dragons, which are apparently the solution to the Night Walkers. Haven't watched since 2nd season, but I enjoy reading reviews & spoilers.

    ReplyDelete
  115. John Griffone2:40 PM

    Yes. A salad bowl. He is the Salad Shooter.

    ReplyDelete
  116. coozledad2:42 PM

    Stephen Green sounds like Ned Flanders. That is some prime Texas hellscape there. It looks like the Federal prison outside of Butner, NC.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Yep, the obvious solution to shootings by postal workers is to arm postal workers.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Who ya gonna shoot? The person shoving their hand in their pocket (to get their phone)? Because the sound "came from there"?

    No, the black person, of course.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Jay B.2:52 PM

    At least Reagan would have honored him anyway.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Su0Hvt6hTmA

    ReplyDelete
  120. Jay B.2:59 PM

    The concept that I propose discussing, which Game of Thrones illustrates better than any show on television today, is this: Postmodern Pornography. How is pomo-porno different than the traditional variety? In much the same way that Barack Obama’s Saul Alinsky-style, pragmatic community-organizing Marxism differs from the more honest Marxism of his mentors Frank Marshall Davis, Derrick Bell, Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers, and Bernardine Dohrn.


    You can't convince me they aren't all AI programs created by some coder in Bulgaria.

    ReplyDelete
  121. In much the same way that Barack Obama’s Saul Alinsky-style, pragmatic community-organizing Marxism

    Mmm, I dunno. Not sure he has enough buzzwords in this phrase.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Jay B.3:00 PM

    Thanks for picking up what I was laying down.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Jay B.3:05 PM

    Derrick Bell was a hit or miss CF/RF for a few teams in the 90's. Had some pop, but was a bit of a nut. Maybe they are referring to someone else.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Helmut Monotreme3:27 PM

    #NotAllAlliancePlayers

    ReplyDelete
  125. Helmut Monotreme3:33 PM

    Biathlon. If they can't meet minimum standards for speed and accuracy, tested at random 10 out of 12 times a year, they have to trade in their pistols and assault sporting rifles for a metal detector for landmine cleanup duty.

    ReplyDelete
  126. BigHank533:35 PM

    There's a weekly spiff from the John Birch Society for the writer that manages to pack the most buzzwords into a single paragraph.

    ReplyDelete
  127. mrstilton3:37 PM

    "David Vitter, one of the least sympathetic Christians in the US Senate, is a notorious aficionado of prostitutes. We’re supposed to ignore that this is a man who chooses to pay sex workers to dress him up in diapers and then make him ejaculate. That’s just the status quo, no big deal, everybody does it in the world that Vitter and the thousands of operatives serving the Republican Party have decided to invest years of their lives into creating and glorify for a few dozen billionaires."



    FTFY, Swindle.

    ReplyDelete
  128. M. Krebs3:39 PM

    I've been at war this summer and last with an invading horde of Asiatic beetles. Motherfuckers terrorize the shit out of my basil.

    ReplyDelete
  129. BigHank533:40 PM

    #NotAllWankers

    ReplyDelete
  130. coozledad3:41 PM

    Wait'll the harlequin beetles come in. Chickens won't even eat them.

    ReplyDelete
  131. The situation's entertainment value for those reading about it later would certainly be improved.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Randy Gibbons3:45 PM

    There should be a penalty for just listing them, tho.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Gromet3:49 PM

    What's fantastic is that he does not panic: He puts the safety on (you hear it click) and lowers the gun slowly to the ground) before moving away for treatment. So, apart from the fact that he fucking shoots himself, he is about as responsible a gun owner as they come. I REST MY CASE.

    My case being why not get rid of guns?

    ReplyDelete
  134. Gromet3:52 PM

    Oy, you're completely right: He's saying the problem isn't that there's people we need to fear because we've let them arm themselves like commandos -- the problem is that not enough people live in enough fear.

    ReplyDelete
  135. In much the same way that Barack Obama’s Saul Alinsky-style, pragmatic community-organizing Marxism, Benghazi fueled Islamo-fascist. politically correct, Lena Dunham, Al Sharpton, Lenny Bruce, Lester Bangs jelly bean Boom!

    ReplyDelete
  136. DN Nation3:54 PM

    Gotta love the action shot of a hatchback riding through a puddle of water on its way to the ranch for some reason.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Gromet4:03 PM

    Ohhhh -- now I see the existential threat to our civilization. There's no one more powerful in America than a POET.

    ReplyDelete
  138. tigrismus4:04 PM

    You can't make this shit up: "NRA board member blames Charleston
    Pastor Clementa Pinckney for his own death



    If he hadn't opposed concealed carry
    bill when a senator, he would still be alive, Charles Cotton said"

    ReplyDelete
  139. Gromet4:09 PM

    That's a great story. There's no reason for him to have the gun there, other than it says something to him about who he is, right? And who he is depends on asserting superiority over people around him -- even old friends. I think this goes to "identity, not interests," but, like, how does this identity form? It's super interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Gromet4:11 PM

    Is pragmatism bad now? I had always taken it for one of the hallmarks of American greatness. Maybe doing the real thing that actually works has a liberal bias, though... yeah, I can see that. Okay, out the window, pragmatism!

    ReplyDelete
  141. Randy Gibbons4:26 PM

    The ___ pants....are actually a real thing. A loaded ____ is heavy. Like over two pounds worth of heavy. If you clip a ____ to the waistband of your average jeans, they're going to sag like crazy, which means your ____ flops around, and your ____ won't be where you expect it to be. Pants designed for ____ ____ have a big stiff piece of plastic sewn into them for stability.

    ReplyDelete
  142. tigrismus4:38 PM

    Uzis & Ouzo, Rifles & Rum or hey, why not branch out...Rifles & Reefer, Pistols & Crystal, Glocks & Glue...

    ReplyDelete
  143. BG, puppet making crank calls4:40 PM

    I don't want to be anywhere near people who taught themselves how to use a gun.

    I used to play the piano. Practicing and taking lessons is nothing like being on stage. And I certainly wouldn't have thought I knew how to play if I had taught myself. GUNS ARE DANGEROUS, YOU IDIOT. Real life isn't target practice.

    ReplyDelete
  144. realinterrobang4:53 PM

    I'm going to Hell for laughing at this, aren't I?

    ReplyDelete
  145. John Crawford picks up a pellet gun inside a Walmart, an item offered for sale at that store, and he gets gunned down.
    White woman walks into and shops at Target with a 12 gauge shotgun strapped to her back, and not a thing happens.

    ReplyDelete
  146. But there might be TWO black persons!

    ReplyDelete
  147. Not responsive, but I was totally charmed by a bumper sticker outside the doctor's office today (I'm sure it's old hat, but I'd never seen it, in that or any other medium): "I long for the day when a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned." [First 3 words not guaranteed accurate.]

    ReplyDelete
  148. Jay B.5:06 PM

    I'm surprised he didn't try to shoot the bullet out of his leg.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Jay B.5:07 PM

    He missed Benghazi and Lisa Dunham.

    ReplyDelete
  150. The logic--it unpacks itself!

    ReplyDelete
  151. M. Krebs5:08 PM

    I don't think we get those here. Yet. It's just a matter of time, I guess, like other foul creatures that weren't around here 30 years ago -- like armadillos and coyotes and urban deer.

    ReplyDelete
  152. JennOfArk5:08 PM

    I have this magnet on my fridge.

    ReplyDelete
  153. All of them, Katie.

    ReplyDelete
  154. sophronia5:14 PM

    I think he's got an excellent case for suing the pants manufacturers. I mean, this is America, dammit! Why do they even make pants that can't be worn with your gun, huh?! And he can be joined by that idiot who shot his pants off at the wedding reception at the Waldorf Astoria last week.

    ReplyDelete
  155. I do believe that's part of the GOP 2016 platform.

    ReplyDelete
  156. Winner gets a nice plastic simulated-crystal butter dish.

    ReplyDelete
  157. With this tragedy, Conservatives have publicly and officially announced that they will no longer accept any aspect of reality that does not conform to their desires.

    I write this because, as others have noted, the converging Conservative response to this is coalescing around "He was targeting Christians!!!!" This despite the fact that the shooter stated before the shooting that he wanted to kill Black people because he hated Blacks and wanted to start a race war. And despite the fact that, while he was shooting Black people, he declared he was doing so because he hated Black people. And despite the fact that, once apprehended, he freely confessed that he killed the Black people because he hated Blacks and wanted to start a race war.

    But, no--such "evidence" is just liberal posturing; such "facts" have no place in the discussion. It's all just hating on Christians, you see. (And further evidence that the answer to such violence is more guns.)

    ReplyDelete
  158. Come to Vermont and add urban moose to your list. Or move to New Jersey and add urban black bears.

    ReplyDelete
  159. glennisw5:38 PM

    I'm sure the 87 year old grandma or the 75 year old sexton would have been far better off if they could have packed their heat at Bible study.


    Do these assholes not get the incompatibility of thinking how someone would gather to pray together in Jesus' name while at the same time suspecting that maybe they'd have to kill one of their fellow worshippers?

    ReplyDelete
  160. StringOnAStick5:41 PM

    I saw a yellow sticker with a coiled snake that said "Don't trend on my Obamacare" Gutsy, given that a TP asshole will first see the color and shape, but he'll finish reading it while he's snuggly patting himself on the back for identifying what he was sure was a fellow traveler.

    ReplyDelete
  161. glennisw5:51 PM

    Also, one needs to take into account state of mind, feelings, and the ability to shift emotionally from empathetic benefactor to stone-cold killing machine.


    If one is a high school or middle school teacher, you're going to have to go through an emotional transformation to be able to shoot dead one of your young students, even if he is aiming a gun at you or others.


    If you are an 87 year old grandmother, or a pastor, you are going to have to overcome some serious issues before you are going to kill someone you've just been praying with or ministering to.


    If we expect teachers, or pastors, to continue to conduct their vocations while armed and ready to kill those they teach or minister to, we're already beyond the pale.

    ReplyDelete
  162. tsam1005:52 PM

    His advice was for WHITE people.

    ReplyDelete
  163. tsam1005:54 PM

    Yeah, see? No more racism.

    ReplyDelete
  164. tsam1005:57 PM

    No!
    Well, I can't say for sure, but I'll see you there. We'll have beers and play Donkey Kong

    ReplyDelete
  165. tsam1006:01 PM

    I don't think anyone wants to deal with the lethal levels of butthurt that would cause among the "heritagederp" crowd.

    ReplyDelete
  166. glennisw6:03 PM

    Damn. I was waiting on the edge of my seat for him to pull out the gun and do it again!

    ReplyDelete
  167. glennisw6:05 PM

    And the fact that he brought it out to play with only underscores what the gun really means to him. It's a fetish object.

    ReplyDelete
  168. Matt Jones6:50 PM

    Nobody tell David Swindle about all the sex slaves, er, "concubines" in the Bible. They're part of the "traditional marriage" he and his love to assert is "under attack"...

    ReplyDelete
  169. Derrick Bell was a Harvard Law professor. Obama hugged him once 20 years ago and got critical race theory cooties all over his black self.

    "In 1991, students at Harvard Law School organized rallies to support Derrick Bell, an African American professor who was taking an unpaid leave of absence to protest the absence of any women of color on the law school faculty. A young Barack Obama spoke at one such rally, calling on his fellow students to “open up your hearts and your minds” to Derrick Bell.

    Now, a few weeks after Andrew Breitbart’s death, bloggers for his
    site have released a video of that rally that Breitbart was preparing
    and have written numerous articles arguing that, because Professor Bell highlighted racial injustice in America and advocated for the equal treatment of blacks, he was somehow anti-white and by implication anti-American — the Jeremiah Wright of this election season. By dragging Professor Bell through the mud, Breitbart’s cronies hope to drag President Obama down as well. It’s ironic that while Breitbart’s fans lambast the left for supposedly dancing on Breitbart’s fresh grave, they waited to reveal these tapes until a few months after Derrick Bell, at age 80, died from cancer and could no longer defend himself. So I will defend him:"
    TIME

    ReplyDelete
  170. Gabriel Ratchet6:58 PM

    As if anyone surrounded by even "good guys with guns" isn't one backfiring car away from being in a John Woo movie ...

    ReplyDelete
  171. coozledad7:34 PM

    It's just to weep.

    ReplyDelete
  172. If I'm paying $1,699 I expect to get all likkered up and hunt humans.
    Maybe there's a platinum-level membership they aren't telling us about.Close. At platinum level, you get to hunt for the most elusive of quarry to these guys ... basic human decency.

    ReplyDelete
  173. coozledad7:47 PM

    Fuck South Carolina:

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/06/19/racist-talk-from-dylann-roof-s-judge.html

    ReplyDelete
  174. mortimer20007:55 PM

    Perfect. Of course, if it ever does come into view they'll blow its brains out.

    ReplyDelete
  175. Someone needs to point out that these churchgoers were probably Democratic voters. So it's not as if they were actually Christians. If nothing else, they weren't even carrying pistols to Bible study, the way Real True Followers of the Prince of Peace do.

    ReplyDelete
  176. Needs something about homosexuality being crammed down throats.

    ReplyDelete
  177. When I think of people who might benefit from this advice, my first thought is of people like Dylann Roof's victims.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Didn't they make a movie about this, starring Robert DeNiro? I think he ended up a hero at the end.

    ReplyDelete
  179. I blame cowboy movies.

    ReplyDelete
  180. It's always better when you have the screenwriters on your side.

    ReplyDelete
  181. Let the wrong sort seize the reins of Poet Laureate, and all government business will have to be conducted in villanelles. Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha--ha-haaa.

    ReplyDelete
  182. coozledad8:34 PM

    Painful larfs. Again.

    ReplyDelete
  183. This is what we're dealing with, by the way. Their wives need to tell them to cut this stupid shit out.

    ReplyDelete
  184. coozledad8:41 PM

    Heinrich Heine’s Poem “The German Censors”

    “The German Censors ————————–

    ———————————————

    ———————-idiots——————

    ————————————–.”

    ReplyDelete
  185. Ellis_Weiner8:45 PM

    So true. In ninth grade, a friend told me his honors social studies class had to use a list of vocab words "in a meaningful sentence. You couldn't say, like, 'Jack saw the technician.'" Same thing here.

    ReplyDelete
  186. That's another thing, you never hear about a YEC fundamentalist church getting shot up, it's always a black church or a liberal church (the Tennessee UU church shooting comes to mind). It's not the "christianity" that the shooters are targeting.

    ReplyDelete
  187. susanoftexas9:16 PM

    Are you kidding me? It gets them out of the house, hopefully for days. Have some pity on their poor wives!

    ReplyDelete
  188. coozledad9:27 PM

    It's a chain. They bought out Rick Perry's dad's hunt club.


    Stall mats everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  189. TGuerrant9:49 PM

    I've come to the conclusion that the general direction of the pushback
    on this gun lunacy needs to be that people who love guns aren't the only
    ones who have rights.

    One of your finest.

    ReplyDelete
  190. That was a bollard and not a parrot.

    ReplyDelete
  191. TGuerrant9:57 PM

    your holster flops around

    TMI! TMI!

    ReplyDelete
  192. TGuerrant10:08 PM

    Is that Jon Stewart on the target???

    ReplyDelete
  193. Fats Durston10:13 PM

    One of my favorite parts about the absolutely horrible training videos for the USPS was the extreme touchiness about workplace violence. One was narrated by the guy who played Sheriff Lobo.

    ReplyDelete
  194. billcinsd10:13 PM

    God will know his own

    ReplyDelete