Tuesday, April 21, 2015


At National ReviewCharles C.W. Cooke has advice for the Republican Party. Along with the usual ObamaHitler schtick, we get this:
...it should by now be obvious to conservatives that the last American Golden Age obtained not during George W. Bush’s rather disappointing tenure, but in the mid- to late- 1990s, when the Republican party ran both houses of Congress and Democrat Bill Clinton ran the executive branch... 
Sure, Jeb Bush is an impressive man. But to nominate him at this moment would be to push Republicans in the wrong direction and to force them into doing something that they should really not want to do: namely, re-litigating – and perhaps even defending – the political decisions that were made between 2000 and 2008... If they are offered a choice between “Clinton” — a name that evokes peace and prosperity — and “Bush” – a name that has been rather run through the mud – [voters] will almost certainly choose the former...
So: If they remind voters of their record and their opponents' record, the GOP is in deep shit. Sounds right.

Cooke's advice is almost as funny. He says the Republicans will "need to work out what exactly it is reacting to within the country’s soul." What might that mean? From the article, a hint:
Exactly who can will hinge upon where the country finds itself by the end of the year. If by early 2016 it has become clear that America is tired of Barack Obama’s celebrity; that Hillary’s status as a permanent member of the elite class is beginning to grate; and that Washington is seen as an out-of-touch club for the rich and the famous, then the Republican party might consider borrowing a slogan from a century ago and offering the public a 1920s style “Return to Normalcy.” With his homespun tales of one-dollar sweaters, his quiet Midwestern roots, and his down-to-earth everyman appearance, Scott Walker would do well running such a campaign — as, indeed, might a John Kasich or a Rick Snyder.
Scott Walker ain't like them rich folks nohow! Lookie this sweater! That'll set the hustings aflame. Elsewhere Cooke writes, "In an ideal world, our elections would be held on paper..." I don't think they can even win the Rotisserie Presidency with material like this.

UPDATE. Commenters remind me that the notion of Scott Walker as a humble People's Friend is made extra hilarious by his recent participation in the "Koch Primary" for the financial support of the libertarian kazillionaires. Also, I see Walker has decided to outflank Bush and Rubio by going full anti-immigrant, which I guess is supposed to be part of the "Return to Normalcy" program Cooke mentions; it must be a great success because Walker's already got people like Rich Lowry whining on his behalf ("Scott Walker, Over the Target, Taking Flak").


  1. A chicken in every pothead or something like that....

  2. Ubu Imperator1:30 PM

    a 1920s style “Return to Normalcy.” With his homespun tales of one-dollar sweaters, his quiet Midwestern roots, and his down-to-earth everyman appearance, Scott Walker would do well running such a campaign — as, indeed, might a John Kasich or a Rick Snyder.

    Translation from weaselspeak: Isn't it about time we put a white man back in the White House?

  3. susanoftexas1:31 PM

    And when the Koches throw their $900 million behind Walker we can enjoy the expensive man-of-the-people media blitz.
    Although Walker's appearance is less everyman and more Claymation.

  4. Looks like it's already happening: http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2015/04/20/koch-brothers-signal-support-for-scott-walker/

  5. Time to remind folks about this little prank call: http://buffalobeast.com/koch-whore/

  6. susanoftexas1:36 PM

    Why buy a new candidate when you have been cultivating one for years?

  7. susanoftexas1:38 PM

    The idea of the Koches telling Jeb Bush and everyone else to audition for their money is hysterical.

  8. J Neo Marvin2:00 PM

    Return to normalcy! Mister, we could use a man like Warren G. Harding agaaaiiiiinnnn.....

  9. J Neo Marvin2:02 PM

    Damn, even if there are only 11 comments I'd better be sure to read all of them first.

  10. montag22:04 PM

    Ah, well, prohibition never left. It just switched horses.

  11. Brother Yam2:14 PM

    Yeah, but 'Sconnie Scotty is doin' his damnedest to turn Wisconsin into Alabama. The nation is fucked no matter who the GOP presents.

  12. Bizarro Mike2:14 PM

    A pothead fucking every chicken?

  13. JennOfArk2:16 PM

    Snope says it's not really him, just a lookalike, but still, I hope they do run Scottie, so we can show up at his rallies with huge signs bearing this image:

  14. PersonaAuGratin2:20 PM

    Yeah, but there's nothing like inhaling that new candidate smell!

  15. Ormond2:21 PM

    it has become clear that America is tired of Barack Obama’s celebrity
    If there's one thing I know about Americans, it's that they hate charismatic celebrities.
    Hillary’s status as a permanent member of the elite class is beginning to grate;
    And members of the elite who espouse populism. That's why it's been the rhetorical position of every two-term president since FDR. I suspect that for Cooke, the salient facts about BHO and HRC's identities that "grate" against him aren't their celebrity and elitism.

    All of this is phrased in a conditional "if." It's a perfect precis of the movement conservative position: "If American ceases to be America, we might become lords of the ashes."

  16. JennOfArk2:25 PM

    Especially when all the old ones smell like stale farts.

  17. Howlin Wolfe2:26 PM

    Don't forget the full tank of gas!

  18. Ellis_Weiner2:32 PM

    That's two "rather"'s in two grafs. My, but we're tactful. Cooke must be aware that he's speaking to a hotheaded constituency of amoral sharpies and outright frothers. He probably fancies himself the classy Brit bringing culture to the colonies.

  19. coozledad2:32 PM

    The 2016 Christie came off the assembly line smelling like an egg fart.

  20. coozledad2:34 PM

    That'll be Jeb.

  21. montag22:35 PM

    Ah, yes, a return to normalcy. Normalcy, as defined by the filthy rich. It was not so much Harding, or Coolidge or Hoover that defined the age so much as Andrew Mellon, the banker's banker, the fellow that coined the term, "trickle-down." And we know down what path that led.

    So, who the fuck is Scotty Boy going to name as his Secretary of the Treasury? I'll bet whoever it might be will elicit spasms of ecstasy from Wall Street and shivers of horror from everyone else. But, then, that's been pretty much drill for the last hundred years, with only brief interludes of sanity.

    That aside, Cooke's line about "and 'Bush' – a name that has been rather run through the mud" is pretty hilarious all by itself, as if some honorable man had his reputation impugned maliciously, rather than the raw reality that "43" was nearly done in by a long series of increasingly deep self-inflicted wounds, along with a vocabulary when speaking extemporaneously that was both narrow and shallow. It's a bad, bad sign when pundits are using the phrase "village idiot" in a descriptive, rather than a pejorative, sense with reference to a sitting President.

    Ultimately, this is all cock-stroking (and Koch-stroking) designed to obscure one salient fact: the 2016 Republican field, as it's shaping up, indicates that the GOP has, indeed, gone over the cliff, but it's a long, long drop and they haven't hit bottom yet. Since they have not, blissful idiots that they are, they think things will be fine.

    But the crash is going to be tremendous, and will be even more so if they are elected. People wary of such say, "the whole country will look like Wisconsin does now." Wrong. We'll look a lot more like Honduras.

  22. coozledad2:37 PM

    He was in the same outfit as Rick Perry?

  23. Bizarro Mike2:39 PM

    I did not know that about Jeb. At least it makes him seem more human.

  24. Megalon2:39 PM

    "A return to normalcy" could have been Obama's slogan in 2008. Is a desire to return to the guy right before Barry Kenyatta really a winning message? If that's not what you mean, than I guess the country abnormal for a hell of a long time, I'd guess since the election of The Tyrant Abraham Africanus or thereabouts.

  25. coozledad2:41 PM

    Except he was one of the very small number of people for whom pot is a further inducement to sadism. More human in an Andover way.

  26. Bizarro Mike2:43 PM

    Speaking of chickens, didn't you used to have a chicken icon? I miss the chicken.

  27. Martin Pollard2:45 PM

    True. And benevolent overlord Rick Michigan has already turned this state into Mississippi (or is damn close to doing so), so Scottie's in good company. We're not referred to as "Michissippi" for nothing...

  28. Brother Yam2:47 PM

    Well, Sullivan has stopped blogging, so the blithering British suck-up vacuum can't be allowed to last too long...

  29. Regarding a third Bush presidency, there's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me... you can't get fooled again!

  30. Brother Yam2:50 PM

    We Minnesotans have no end of pleasure comparing the fates of our two states after electing new governors...

  31. montag22:50 PM

    Umm, in my days mechanicking, I heard about a troublesome smell in a car that defied correction... until someone researched the car's history and discovered that it had been dropped off the ship in New Orleans, pulled out of the bayou, dried out and sold as new.

    What had eluded everyone was that, while the car was submerged, a frog had worked its way up into the space between the inner and outer "c" pillars, had become wedged in place, died an ignominious death and then oozed its decaying mortal remains into the insulation.

    That's more along the lines of the smell of the 2016 Christie (if only because he went off a bridge and the frog that ended up in his campaign hasn't been found just yet).

  32. Ted the slacker2:52 PM

    "“Bush” – a name that has been rather run through the mud"
    The word "rather" has rarely been better used, the passive voice has never been better used.
    But I wonder if we should look at arguments like this as a form of progress... at least we have an acknowledgement that 2000-2008 was the era when the goat got fucked; even if these people won't yet acknowledge who was fucking the goat, who was cheering on the goat-fucker, and that all those dirty hippies had a point that goat-fucking was, you know, bad behavior.

  33. Washington is seen as an out-of-touch club for the richLet's leave aside the already extensively-detailed evidence about Li'l' Scotty being a bought-and-paid-for fucktoy for the Kochs, Chuck. Ted Cruz, the other GOP guy who's been catapaulting bullshit about this, is married to a Goldman Sachs investment banker, had his initial US Senate campaign backed by a deranged PayPal billionaire, is currently being backed by a deranged hedge-fund billionaire, and who has never met a "Kick the poors with an iron boot" policy he hasn't embraced. So yay, populism, I guess. At least the viciously reactionary bigoted parts.
    then the Republican party might consider borrowing a slogan
    from a century agoI suppose that would be a slight improvement from borrowing Southern slogans from a century-and-a-half ago.and offering the public a 1920s style “Return to
    Normalcy.”Oh, for God's sake, Chuck. The Great Depression hit the UK, too, so it's not like you have that excuse for being an ignorant fuckwit about it.With his homespun tales of one-dollar sweaters,Hey, he shoveled millions of taxpayer dollars to Kohl's; it's only fair they let him have a few sweaters on the cheap.his quiet
    Midwestern roots,About which he will tell you loudly and often, ideally while kicking a lazy Negro in the head.and his down-to-earth everyman appearance,You misspelled "goggle-eyed homunculus," Chuck.
    Walker would do well running such a campaignA combination of "Let's roll back a hundred years of progress so straight white conservative Christian dudes can be in charge again" with "The only reason the working stiff is falling behind is government handouts to minorities, sexual deviants, and labor unions"? That's already Scott Walker's campaign, Chuck.

  34. hasn't been found just yet

    They need to look between Christie's inner and outer "c" pillars.

  35. Yeah, but that only matters to people concerned with empirical facts and actual results. We're talking about the GOP presidential primary and the most reliable turnout groups for the general election, here.

  36. Can't help but think of that old story of Stalin making the members of his politburo dance to a record of dogs barking.

  37. bourbaki3:20 PM

    "Scott Walker, Over the Target, Taking Flak" -- so was the callback to Tail-Gunner Joe intentional or not?

  38. I don't understand. Both Barack Obama and Scott Walker wear suits every day. So why does Scott Walker look like an "everyman" to Cooke and Obama does not? Hmmm, I wonder what it could be....?

  39. Cooke: Contrary to the myopic claims that popped up around the time of Barack Obama’s reelection, progressivism has not in fact taken hold of the American imagination.
    He's right! Same-sex marriage, the Affordable Care Act and limited marijuana legalization is actually happening!

    Aaaaaand Cee Cee Dubya Cooke again excels in getting Vicious Gob Funk out of Fucking Obvious. Nice work!

  40. coozledad3:32 PM

    Yeah. I don't know what happened to it. It was one of my roosters, Johnny Dodds. I had had a few drinks and was reclining in the shade, and he came over to check if I might be a possible food item. Fortunately I had my camera.

    I'll see if I still have that photo in a file somewhere.

  41. DocAmazing3:37 PM

    I thought it was the end of a game of Clue.

  42. Simple Scotty doesn't put spicy brown mustard on his burgers.

  43. DocAmazing3:39 PM

    I know, I know, I'm being all obessive-compulsive about this, but the word is normality, Goddamnit!

  44. Brother Yam3:39 PM

    Mom jeans.

  45. montag23:40 PM

    Hmm. Rich Lowry is back at the NRO? Is the lawsuit resolved? Or did they just let him in the back door because all of Der Pantload's interns quit in disgust and exasperation and Doughy's output has dropped to below zero and they needed something, anything to fill the dead air?

  46. LittlePig3:40 PM

    But Jeez Louise, "Return to Normalcy"?! I never dreamed I would see it in a current printed article - made my brain go THUD.

    Yes, yes, leave us turn back the clock and have that most delightful decade, the 1920s. Bring your tommy gun and a good bottle of scotch. And for Pete's sake, don't get in the stock market - we know how this movie ends: icky streets resulting from folks exiting their fifth floor office via the window.

    Only plus I can see is that the Hays Committee hasn't happened yet, so I get to see a very naked Hedy Lamarr at the local theater.

  47. DocAmazing3:42 PM

    I do not want to see Rick Perry in that outfit.

  48. Before Rick Perry stretched it all out, the bitch.

  49. Mister, we could use a man like Warren G. Harding Adolf Shickelgruber agaaaiiiiinnnn.....

    Fixed, no comment.

  50. Fuck, who needs Hoovervilles when you can live in your car and there's free overnight parking at Wal-Mart?

    (Spending my nights at Wal-Mart... there's a moral there, but damned if I want to go digging for it...)

  51. To these people, "The Jungle" is less a cautionary tale, and more a handbook.

  52. LittlePig3:46 PM

    More human in a Andover Bendover way.

    No charge.

  53. Mrs. Scott Walker running through the W.H. corridors with a bunch of burning sage - "Out, unclean spirits! Out! Out!"

  54. coozledad3:48 PM

    Now i'm hearing a B-25 depressurizing and Alan Arkin saying There, there over and over again.

  55. LittlePig3:49 PM

    Try the tears, they are amazing.

  56. And guess what, Rod, the country's little red needle's on "E".

  57. So instead of "which candidate would I most like to have a beer with", it's now "which would I like to roll a bomber with"?

    DAMN. What's that about no progress?

  58. JennOfArk3:54 PM

    Here ya go:

  59. Bitter Scribe3:54 PM

    Just curious...is Jeb Bush stupid enough to appear on Glenn Beck? Or on Alex Jones, as Rand Paul has, numerous times?

  60. LittlePig3:56 PM

    "Who's that guy?"

    "Oh, he's the new White House exorcist..."

  61. Lancelot Link3:59 PM

    "With his homespun tales of one-dollar sweaters..."


  62. montag24:01 PM

    Not sure about that, but Jebby is increasingly proving that the description of him as "the smart one" is very much a relative comparison rather than an absolute one.

    He might not wind up with Alex Jones (who is sure that his brother concocted the events of 9/11), but I have little doubt that he'll do interviews with the lesser lights of fringe conservatism, such as Laura Ingraham and World Nut Daily, and surely there will sessions with the Daily Cholera and the Big_Breit_Fart family of websites.

  63. LittlePig4:04 PM

    But normalcy is truthier!

  64. "It's a perfectly cromulent word."

  65. M. Krebs4:09 PM

    But that's always stood for "Excellent" in his book.

  66. M. Krebs4:21 PM

    Walker is rather stupid looking.

  67. BigHank534:21 PM

    I know she hardly stands out any more, what with the general crazification of right-wing media in general (and radio in particular) but I caught a few minutes of her show a couple weeks ago, and Laura Ingraham is CRAZY. Anyone who that loon approves of arguably shouldn't even be picking up trash along the highway--I wouldn't trust them with a stick that's got a rusty nail stuck in the end.

  68. "Also, I see Walker has decided to outflank Bush and Rubio by going full anti-immigrant, which I guess is supposed to be part of the "Return to Normalcy" program."

    Mister we can use a man like Bill the Butcher again.

  69. AGoodQuestion4:29 PM

    "One-dollar sweaters" here is short for "If you make $100 a week you can buy, like, eighty sweaters with that and still have enough for a large pizza, so what are you bitching about?"

  70. AGoodQuestion4:31 PM

    Although Walker's appearance is less everyman and more Claymation.
    The Koches will give him enough funds so he can upgrade it to CGI.

  71. Jeb is the Moe of the Bush brothers.

  72. Local Goodwill store = PROSPERITY! woot.

  73. Rand Careaga4:33 PM

    “George W. Bush’s rather disappointing tenure”…well, I suppose that’s one way of putting it. Kinda like that disappointing hurricane in New Orleans ten years ago, or the disappointing re-entry of the Columbia space shuttle in 2003. Geez, these people.

  74. GeniusLemur4:34 PM

    "Jeb Bush is an impressive man."
    ...in a "low-grade moron, has no accomplishments, has all the usual stupid destructive right-wing positions, and generally just like his more famous brother" kinda way.

  75. AGoodQuestion4:35 PM

    "Why, is there another definition?"~Charles CW Cooke

  76. AGoodQuestion4:36 PM

    And I think you know what "To Serve Man" is.

  77. Sorry to be a dick but Harding said normalcy. http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/return-to-normalcy/

  78. GeniusLemur4:37 PM

    "America is tired of Barack Obama’s celebrity"
    Yes, we all know that Americans can't stand celebrities.
    "Hillary’s status as a permanent member of the elite class is beginning to grate"
    Because the fact that there is a permanent elite class isn't a problem at all, it's that this particular woman (who the right-wingers hate) is a part of it.
    "Washington is seen as an out-of-touch club for the rich and the famous"
    For the right wing, that's a feature, not a bug.

  79. DocAmazing4:40 PM

    ...indicating a severe abnormalcy of Harding's temporal lobe function.

  80. GeniusLemur4:41 PM

    "the Republican party might consider borrowing a slogan from a century
    ago and offering the public a 1920s style 'Return to Normalcy.' With his
    homespun tales of one-dollar sweaters, his quiet Midwestern roots, and
    his down-to-earth everyman appearance, Scott Walker would do well"
    Notice something there?
    The Republicans will borrow a slogan
    Scott Walker would do well with it because of his tales, roots, and appearance.
    Nothing at all about policies, achievements, results, or even who Walker is, just the good-old-days bullshit he can (supposedly) project.

  81. These days, it's literally sell the sizzle and not the steak, because the sizzle is all you have.

  82. For certain meanings of "sizzle" that do not include actual, you know, sizzle.

  83. GeniusLemur4:43 PM

    "a 1920s style 'Return to Normalcy.'"
    1920s style? Isn't "return to normalcy" more recent than that? Isn't it Richard Nixon's schtick?

  84. J Neo Marvin4:43 PM

    I'm going out there! I'm bringing the war back home!

  85. DocAmazing4:45 PM

    Worth noting that the non-normal situation that we were to "return" from was the First World War. Does this mean that the Republican Party might consider an end to the various Wars on (Insert Intangible Thing Here)?

  86. some local perspective on "the return to normalcy":

    The Ku Klux Klan had no presence in Colorado in 1920. By 1925, Klan members and sponsored candidates controlled the Colorado State House and Senate, the office of Secretary of State, a state Supreme Court judgeship, seven benches on Denver District Court, and city councils in some Colorado towns. Mayor Ben Stapleton of Denver and Governor Clarence Morley of Colorado were also Klansmen. The Klan was stronger in Colorado than any other state.


    The Klan also stood for fair elections, for law and order against the backdrop of Prohibition bootlegging and rampant crime, and against the loosening of morals brought by new music, new dances, and Hollywood, things the general public could get behind.

  87. Now, now: We can't look back, we have to look ahead . . .

    . . . to the NEXT Great Depression caused by people telling us just how rich we'll all be if only we stop regulating them.

  88. what the fuck, dude

  89. compare and contrast

  90. . . . the 2016 Republican field, as it's shaping up, indicates that the GOP has, indeed, gone over the cliff . . .

    And yet, no matter how clearly insane the candidates' statements and positions might get, they will ALWAYS either be treated as though it's just another boring policy statement, or ignored entirely because "he can't really mean that!!!" This does Rick Perry don THE EYEGLASSES OF SMARTITUDINESS, start yakking about the need to break up the United States into sovereign states, and still get treated as though this is the kind of thing ALL presidential candidates might advocate.

  91. billcinsd4:57 PM

    Doctor, We could use a man like Herbert Hoover again.

  92. billcinsd4:58 PM

    and I see I repeated Maynard G. Krebs' joke. I am no Dobie Gillis

  93. billcinsd4:59 PM

    I thought I had heard Jeb was more into coke than pot

  94. . . . America is tired of Barack Obama’s celebrity . . .

    Yes, why can't we have a President of the United States who isn't a celebrity? And while we're at it, why can't we have movie stars who are not celebrities? Why can't we have famous people who are actually anonymous? Why can't we have ice-cold beer that's room temperature?

    All these things and more will be fixed with the election of the Koch Brothers, err, Scott Walker.

  95. No doubt pronounced "raw-thir".

  96. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9_EiSaNw3Q

  97. J Neo Marvin5:03 PM

    Lucinda Williams' brain-damaged evil twin is still around?

  98. Walker Brand Artificial Sizzle (contains 40% post-consumer noise)

  99. billcinsd5:07 PM

    Are we sure it wasn't a Return to NormalC because the Republicans have been on EmergenC for the past 6 years

  100. That's a lot more true than you can ever guess--except picture the Three Stooges with a deep core of evil and a generous topping of daddy issues.

  101. DocAmazing5:09 PM

    It's hard out here for a Shemp...

  102. smut clyde5:10 PM

    And we're back to William Tenn and Null-P. "Back to Normal with the Normal Man!"

  103. smut clyde5:12 PM

    A frog? Decomposing pigs or GTFO.

  104. satch5:14 PM

    Jeez... I remember reading an article about how when Nat "King" Cole was playing Vegas, he and his family made the gigantic faux pas of using the pool, after which the management closed the pool, drained it, and scrubbed it out. And that was just after one incident. I think if a Pug does manage to slither into the Presidency, they'll just burn the White House to the ground, move into One Observatory Circle, and put their Vice President up in a Motel 6.

  105. Scotty's tonsure?

  106. satch5:20 PM

    Oh, yeah... I DO so love hearing about Marco Rubio's fresh, new ideas, including a return to Reagan era trickle down economics, unleashing the mighty Job Creators by removing burdensome regs, and Build The Wall Higher immigration policy. Of course, if no "Serious Beltway Pundits" point this out, it won't matter.

  107. If you liked C+ Augustus, you'll love C- Tiberius.

  108. smut clyde5:23 PM

    America is tired of Barack Obama’s celebrity

    Those wascally Democrats, always focussing everything on Obama personally, harping on his appearance, always personalising things with "Obamaphones" and "Obamacare".

    Hillary’s status as a permanent member of the elite class is beginning to grate

    She used to be white-trash riffraff -- "They came in here and they trashed the place, and it's not their place"... now she is a member of the elite class and she has always been a member of the elite class.

  109. satch5:24 PM

    I'm sure that Joni Ernst will let Scotty borrow her bread bags...

  110. Gromet5:27 PM

    Oy, these guys. "We can't run on our last president's record, he fucked up too much. How about the guy before that?"
    "His dad? No way. Dude was a squish."
    "Okay, well then the one before that."
    "Reagan? No, Reagan had charisma. Even our own people would laugh at the comparison."
    "Okay, then before that."
    "Ford? Even Ford didn't quite run on being Ford."
    "Ugh, the guy before that was Nixon. And the guy before that was Eisenhower. We can't say Walker is like Ike, everyone will point out he wasn't a five-star general who coordinated World War II. So, I guess, who was the Republican before that?"
    "Hoover. And then Coolidge. And then--"
    "Perfectly cromulent. Can we count on our voters to not look up what he did?"

  111. I really hope he picked out his own nickname.

  112. LookWhosInTheFreezer5:29 PM

    If they are offered a choice between “Clinton” — a name that evokes peace and prosperity — and “Bush” – a name that has been rather run through the mud – [voters] will almost certainly choose the former...

    If only the media and public would have dared to drag the Clinton name through the mud too!!...rather than treating it with the reverence and kid-gloves they always have. And when will SOMEBODY say something negative about Obama, for once?? It's not fair!

  113. smut clyde5:29 PM

    the Republican party might consider borrowing a slogan from a century ago

    Stealing IP, it is the Republican way.

  114. smut clyde5:31 PM

    Choose Chew-Z!

  115. If that were a literary satire, the guy saying it would have been crowned President anyway, and given lee to run the country into the ground (and then some) for the next 8 years.

    Good thing that couldn't happen IRL.

  116. You forgot Cuba, that embargo was just starting to work too.

  117. "Daaaaah, well, he can't outsmart me - I'm a moron!" #looneytunes

  118. smut clyde5:39 PM

    This time four years ago, Johan Goldberg was talking up the Gingrich candidacy on account of his abnormality:*
    Mitt Romney is still the sensible choice if you believe these are rough, but generally sensible, times. If, however, you think these are crazy and extraordinary times, then perhaps they call for a crazy, extraordinary — very high-risk, very high-reward — figure like Gingrich.
    That worked out so well.

    * The original column seems to have been unpublished from the august archives of NRO.

  119. Isn't that the great thing about conservatives? No matter how badly a policy has failed at obtaining its stated goal, you just have to give another century or two more for the magic to happen!

  120. Or maybe . . .


  121. zencomix5:45 PM

    Mister, we could use a man like Hoybit Hoova, again.

  122. coozledad5:47 PM

    against...things the general public could get behind.
    Standing athwart jazz, yelling "stop that black bottom stomp this instant!"

  123. smut clyde5:47 PM

    people like Rich Lowry whining on his behalf ("Scott Walker, Over the Target, Taking Flak").

    The explosions of AA shells are a kind of starburst.

  124. yeah that stood out. it's almost like we've been hating blacks and queers for like, ever, or something crazy like that.

  125. "Now you'll never know if they refused your club membership because you're black or because you're Jewish."

    Dean Martin to Sammy Davis, Jr. after Davis converted to Judaism.

  126. Yeah, ol' Scotty's regular veteran--got the 1,000-yard stare and everything. A reall true American hero and patriot.

    Unlike those limp-wristed America-hating Democrats like John Kerry and Max Cleland who only went to war because they knew they'd get wounded and do heroic things.

  127. coozledad5:55 PM

    Raccoon Rocket, starring Burt Reynolds, Jerry Reed, Jerry Clower, and Rand Paul in a dual role as Raccoon and Rocket.

  128. Jay B.5:56 PM

    HE'S MEXICAN?!?!!!!11!

  129. smut clyde5:58 PM

    Lowry's desperation is showing if he is resorting to that cliche. Yes, they shoot at bombers over a target. But they also shoot at sitting ducks and fish in a barrel.

  130. smut clyde5:59 PM

    Shirley you mean "Rand Paul's toupee".

  131. susanoftexas5:59 PM

    Walker's already got people like Rich Lowry whining on his behalf ("Scott Walker, Over the Target, Taking Flak").
    So Lowry thinks Marco Rubio should have had to grow up in Cuba?

  132. coozledad6:02 PM

    Careful mit der sabre, Oberleutnant, oder rip der kinkypants wollen sie.

  133. Jay B.6:03 PM

    ...it should by now be obvious to conservatives that the last American Golden Age obtained not during George W. Bush’s rather disappointing tenure

    Quite, old chap. In fact, it was very similar to the way that my vacation on the Hindenberg was a rather disappointing voyage.

    Sure, Jeb Bush is an impressive man.

    No he's not.

  134. Jay B.6:06 PM

    With his homespun tales of one-dollar sweaters, his quiet Midwestern roots, and his down-to-earth everyman appearance, Scott Walker would do well running such a campaign

    Yeah. The guy is currently getting his ass kicked by that smug bitch elitist Hitlery by 12 points in Wisconsin, the same idiots who voted for him three times in four years. If they ONLY KNEW HIM.

  135. DocAmazing6:07 PM

    Great. Now we get a double feature: Patton with The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

  136. coozledad6:07 PM

    Why don't he come to his senses?
    He's done run into fences for so long now.

  137. realinterrobang6:08 PM

    It's like some demented political version of The Dragon's Den. Too bad they didn't televise it; we could have done a drinking game and all wound up completely potted. (Takes the edge off the pain.)

  138. susanoftexas6:10 PM

    Yeah, it could have been a reality show. Dancing For Dollars.

  139. Haha!

  140. realinterrobang6:11 PM

    Are you accusing Republicans of recycling?

    Well, something other than ideas?

  141. realinterrobang6:14 PM

    dd I'd like the Kochs to buy the world... pp

  142. J Neo Marvin6:36 PM

    More normalcy: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5v7FZwyOdvU

  143. Ya know, I could see the appeal of Bush II: he was good looking and had a sort of Jimmy Stewart "Aw, shucks!" appeal. (More "Uh- duh!" really, but some appeal).
    But Scott Walker? Ug. Scott Walker as presented by the Kock brothers? Ewwwww AND Ug. But maybe these days a lot of conservatives find Walker's open and unapologetic criminality very charming? If he's a black hole for charisma, at least he isn't scary looking like Florida Gov. Scott, or New Jersey's Jumbo Size Governor.

  144. susanoftexas7:01 PM

    That entire exchange is awesome.

  145. J Neo Marvin7:06 PM

    In all fairness, comparing Trump to a 14 year old girl is indeed an insult to women. He did get that right, though not the way he thought he did.

  146. coozledad7:09 PM

    Jonah: Mmmmm. Now & Laters.

  147. J Neo Marvin7:10 PM

    My God, you're not kidding. Trump has done the impossible and made Jonah Goldberg look clever.

  148. montag27:11 PM

    Yeah, it's kinda goofy that way. One would like to think that the talking head hosts are really doing Bob & Ray routines with the dribblers, but there's just too much credulousness to pass off as subtle satire. I imagine Tailgunner Ted showing up on Bob Schieffer's show in full fascist regalia, and Schieffer asking him, with the utmost sincerity, "what sort of statement are you trying to make, Senator?"

  149. The least dumb thing Jonah ever wrote.

  150. smut clyde7:19 PM

    Resign now! Or resign in 25 years' time! Either is good!
    Trump achieves a kind of fractal stupidity.

  151. mgmonklewis7:19 PM

    Comparing Scott Walker to Warren G. Harding, the guy who coined the word "normalcy" by misreading "normality" in his speech? Sounds about right. As do the reviews of Harding's speeches:

    "...reminiscent of stale bean soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights." "...so bad, a kind of grandeur crept through it."

    Aim high, GOP!

  152. mgmonklewis7:21 PM

    a name that has been rather run through the mud

    By Jove, I can imagine Cook's pinky finger extended at the proper pompous, tea-sipping angle when he wrote that one.

    What is it with these people? If Brits want to claim to be the true custodians of the English language, they've got to do better than crap like this.

  153. montag27:23 PM

    Is it ever! Just ask Neil, the Shemp Bush.

  154. The "Comparing me to a 14 year old girl is a terrible insult to women" thing should win some kind of award for stupid. Touche Donnie, I guess you really told him. How do you lose a battle of wits against Jonah fuckhead Goldberg?

  155. mgmonklewis7:24 PM

    Follow-up on the Harding angle. Seriously, don't these people know any history? Or do they think comparisons to Harding are a good thing?


  156. montag27:40 PM

    I suspect that Cooke is zeroing in on the "forget about the last war" part of that "return to normalcy" appeal by Harding.

    Which is to say, please, please, please just ignore that messy business that Bush and Cheney unleashed and everything will be fine, since Walker knows so little about foreign policy that he can't do much harm.

    Of course, the great problem with that position is you can't miss war when it won't go away, and it won't go away because there's so much money to be made on it, and there's little doubt that Walker's handlers understand that very well. The question they will not ask, however, is: would you hand over the football to an eleven-year-old with limited intellectual ability and self-control issues?

    Try to imagine Warren Gamaliel Harding with a huge nuclear arsenal. He could be talked into just about anything.

  157. redoubtagain7:46 PM

    Gamalielese > Walkerisms

  158. redoubtagain7:47 PM

    "Return to Normalcy" = Resurgence of Ku Klux Klan

  159. smut clyde7:47 PM

    Popular in the early 40s, I can't think why.

  160. redoubtagain7:50 PM

    With Donald Trump as Buford T. Justice.

  161. John Wesley Hardin7:52 PM

    "Sure, Jeb Bush is an impressive man." Objection, your honor! Defense hasn't submitted anything into evidence to substantiate this claim.

  162. John Wesley Hardin8:11 PM

    "I'd Like the Kochs to buy the world
    In perfect larceny
    Kill the Honey Bees, burn the apple trees
    and bring back DDT..."

    Kochs. They're the real thing evil.

  163. redoubtagain8:11 PM

    Legacy Hires Insult Each Other As A Nation Waits Breathlessly

  164. I we sure he didn't mean "return to moronalcy?"

  165. stepped pyramids8:49 PM

    "Barack Obama’s celebrity"

    This brings to mind the image of Cooke rooting around in his couch cushions, finding a bag that contains a desiccated Big Mac and a receipt from 2008, looking first at one and then the other, shrugging, and chowing down with a resigned look on his face.

  166. LittlePig8:53 PM


  167. billcinsd9:15 PM

    was she holding her secret communication system? That would be Thai pepper hot


  168. billcinsd9:18 PM

    the police motto?

  169. billcinsd9:20 PM

    so are "It Can't happen Here" and "Babbitt"

  170. billcinsd9:23 PM

    Isn't that Niedermeyer?

  171. billcinsd9:25 PM

    no, Scott Walker has never had a Clue

  172. billcinsd9:28 PM

    Is that one of Jay-Z' kids? I think Beyonce, like all Chew-Z mothers, chooses Jif

  173. And Betty Crocker in three exciting roles: Onion, Seeded, and Plain!

  174. satch9:33 PM

    "...since Walker knows so little about foreign policy that he can't do much harm."

    Well, Bush didn't know much about foreign policy either. Fortunately, he was able to get geniuses like Colin Powell, Condi Rice, Don Rumsfeld, and Paul Wolfowitz to manage the Wogs and "Old Europe".

  175. Gabriel Ratchet9:39 PM

    I guess the good news is that they think the Bush brand is still to toxic to fly with the general public; the bad news is that they think the Harding one's cooled off enough to return to.

  176. JDCorley9:52 PM

    Let's just review the Republican platform of 1920 to see how that might work out for us these days:

    1 - Stop running the government on a wartime basis
    2 - Don't join the League of Nations (without reservation)
    3 - Invest in railroad and highway infrastructure
    4 - Create a wage board to prevent railway strikes
    5 - Increase pay for postal workers
    5 - Privatize the telephone and telegraph service
    6 - Establish a Women's Bureau in the Department of Labor
    7 - Give women the vote
    8 - Expand veteran's benefits for Civil War elderly
    9 - Create a pension for all civil service workers
    10 - Increase the pay to soldiers and sailors
    11 - Don't send troops to Armenia
    12 - Improve veteran's hospitals
    13 - Improve farm representation in government
    14 - Protect against discrimination against farmers
    15 - Eliminate compulsory arbitration in labor disputes but expand voluntary mediation
    16 - Don't permit the products or services of prison labor to be sold across state lines
    17 - Expand anti-profiteering laws
    18 - Eliminate speculative profit from operating railroads in order to pay for improved working conditions and compensation for railroad workers
    19 - Expand the workman's compensation act to cover the merchant marine
    20 - Maintain or tighten immigration restrictions
    21 - Marrying a foreign national should not affect the citizenship of a woman
    22 - Prevent aliens from agitating against the government
    23 - Pass aggressive anti-lynching bills
    24 - Expand forest reservations, conservation efforts and preserve forests against "timber famine"
    25 - Expand physical education in schools
    26 - Centralize public health efforts within the government
    27 - End child labor immediately, even if found to be unconstitutional (!)
    28 - An "equal pay for equal work" law for federal employees should ensure women and men are paid the same
    29 - Home rule for Hawaii
    30 - Don't put up with Mexico being surly

    There's four or five things on that list they would support today, but for some reason I suspect that most of it would not be too popular. (I wonder what would happen if someone proposed an anti-lynching bill today!) I guess Scott Walker is the new normal.


  178. Yes, why can't we have a President of the United States who isn't a celebrity?Because John Quincy Adams is dead?

  179. Ooooh I'd forgotten this one, Warm Leatherette having excluded all other Normal tunes from my brain.

  180. By that logic, if there's a four-alarm fire, you call for an arsonist. Which ... okay, I concede the point.

  181. That's no pinky finger.

  182. I wonder what would happen if someone proposed an anti-lynching bill today!As long as it was the high-tech kind, used solely for criticizing conservatives, they'd be good to go.

  183. parsec10:46 PM

    That would launch my torpedo!

  184. TGuerrant10:54 PM

    Dan Rather would like to take a moment of your time....

  185. So, to Trump a 14-yr. old girl is a "woman"? Filed for later reference/prosecution.

  186. Tehanu11:03 PM

    Yankee Doodle came to terms,

    Writing Martin Buber.

    Stuck a Fuehrer in our back,

    And called it Shicklegruber!

  187. TGuerrant11:06 PM

    Like you didn't know modeling before running for president is a long-cherished GOP tradition.

  188. montag24:19 AM

    Let's all hope that Li'l Scotty's couch is hit and he has to bail out over enemy territory (Minnesota?), and has to spend the next decade or two as a prisoner of war (watching YouTubes of Noam Chomsky and Hillary Clinton and doing non-strategic work such as building playgrounds for underprivileged children of minorities).

    And that Rich Lowry is arrested as a Canadian spy and is never part of a a prisoner exchange because Canada doesn't want him back.

  189. smut clyde7:13 AM

    At least it makes him seem more human.

    The pot-smoking, or the chicken-fucking?

  190. smut clyde7:16 AM

    Does Diqust allow animated gravitars? Because MDS needs a gravatar with suggestively wiggling eyebrows.

  191. FauxyVixen8:04 AM

    The best part about Jonah's NRO response to Trump?

    The NRO commenters defending the Donald.