Monday, March 23, 2015

THIS YEAR'S MUDDLE.

After hearing blessedly little from or about him in recent years, I see Hugh Hewitt has become the Important Conservative Journalist of the moment. At National Journal, Shane Goldmacher tells us in "It Had To Be Hugh" that "Hewitt, a professor of constitutional law who often sounds the part, isn't a conventional right-wing talk-radio host" and has "the demeanor of a friendly academic"; he also says Hewitt's "relationship with the mainstream media is complicated." At Power Line John Hinderaker says "Hugh tries to elevate our discourse about politics and public life" and "believes that, day by day, intelligent conversation with important, knowledgeable people on both sides of the political aisle can bring us closer to realizing the democratic ideal."

This does not much comport with the Hugh Hewitt I've been observing lo these many years. For example:

In 2005 an Iraq War correspondent suggested to Hewitt that he didn't really know what was going on at the front, and Hewitt rejoined that he did indeed know because he was at that moment broadcasting from the Empire State Building and "the Empire State Building... has been in the past, and could be again, a target..." Also, "in downtown Manhattan, it's not comfortable, although it's a lot safer than where you are, people always are three miles away from where the jihadis last spoke in America... Although you are on the front line, this was the front line four and a half years ago." Hewitt's primary residence at the time was in California.

By 2006 the war wasn't as popular as it had been and Hewitt explained that turncoats like Andrew Sullivan and Peter Beinart had only "turned defeatists" because they "feel disdained" by President Bush, and that the President should have them over to the Indian Treaty Room for a chin-wag: "Even if some are too far gone into opposition to be recalled, some will wake up." Ah, what might have been!

Hewitt also does his bit for organized religion: When Tom Hanks was pushing his Da Vinci Code movie and said "we always knew there would be a segment of society that would not want this movie to be shown," Hewitt warned Hanks, "Tom: Careful now... stick to the obvious – it is an absurd piece of invention that makes for a fun thriller – and all will be well." Nobody crosses the professorial Hugh Hewitt! When Jeff Jarvis (!) said something negative about the religious right, Hewitt said, "it is a useful exercise to run through Jeff's piece and substitute 'the Jews' for the 'religious right' and all pronounces referring to the 'religious right.' Jeff is of course not anti-Semitic..." That's elevating the discourse!

And Lord, does he go on about that Emm Ess Emm. You can catch Hewitt doing the traditional goldurn-librul-media schtick anytime, but a particularly good example of his "complicated" relationship with it is this 2004 bit in which he suggested that Michael Kinsley, who'd just taken over the L.A. Times editorial page, should hire Roger L. Simon, Laura Ingraham, Max Boot, Jim Lileks, and Mickey Kaus. But what's the difference, Hewitt went on, "even a reinvigorated editorial page and opinion page won't help much given the senior staff's refusal to deal with the poisonous bias in the 'news' reports..." Kinsley for some reason didn't take his advice, and Hewitt must have been pissed: In 2005, when Kinsley's paper did a story about a couple of North Koreans who offered an obviously untrustworthy defense of their country, Hewitt pretended to believe the L.A. Times -- or, as he called it, The Pyongyang Times -- was peddling Nork propaganda.

Hewitt's devotion to the "democratic ideal" is such that in 2011 he was trying like hell to get Herman Cain and Ron Paul bounced from the Republican primary debates so the establishment candidates could have more time on camera.

Other Hewitt nuggets: "The only reason [Chris] Muir [creator of the horrible Day by Day comic] isn't widely syndicated is MSM bias." There's also Hewitt pretending to be outraged at the treatment of John Murtha a year after supporting that treatment.  And Hewitt predicting in 2005 that the Catholic cardinals, inspired by "the cruel death of Terri Schiavo," would elect an American Pope.

And given that one of Hewitt's plums is the right to ask questions at a Republican debate, we should recall this brainstorm of his from 2013:
Proposed opening question for the first GOP presidential debate in the fall of 2015: "Was the 'shutdown showdown' of October 2013 good or necessary -- either or both -- and why?"

I don't have any idea how it will be answered by the 10 or so potentially serious candidates who may be on that stage, but the difficulty of predicting the best answer can be found — where else? — in two movies about war.
But what's the use -- every so often a rightwing apparatchik like Hewitt is elevated and promoted as a fair-minded voice of alternative reason; in fact it's happened to Hewitt before, in a 2005 New Yorker blowjob ("Hewitt is definitely a Republican, but he is no mere mouthpiece"). If Hewitt really thinks the MSM is as nefarious as he portrays them, maybe he'd consider they might only be promoting him to make conservatism look bad.

UPDATE. In comments, The_Kenosha_Kid: "Don't make fun of the dangers of working in the Empire State Building! I saw a documentary once where it was attacked by a giant monkey."

Hardcore spelunkers can also read Hewitt's 2008 propaganda ebook, "Letter to a Young Obama Supporter." At the time, I reviewed its mendacious and definitely not "friendly academic" approach, though I missed some of Hewitt's youth outreach, such as this let-me-put-it-in-terms-you'll understand explanation of why Obama's lack of experience should concern the youngs:
If you could be given golf lessons by either Tiger Woods or the local club pro, guitar lessons by Eric Clapton or the guitarist for the garage band playing downtown, cooking lessons by Emeril Lagasse or by the night cook at the local diner, which choice would you make in every case?
 I like to imagine Hewitt laying aside his pen after that one and sighing with satisfaction, "eat your heart out, Greg Gutfeld."


150 comments:

  1. Megalon12:53 AM

    Anytime anyone starts throwing around phrases like "elevate our discourse" or "both sides of the aisle" you know whatever point they're trying to make is complete bullshit.


    "it is a useful exercise to run through Jeff's piece and substitute 'the
    Jews' for the 'religious right' and all pronounces referring to the
    'religious right.' Jeff is of course not anti-Semitic..."


    Wow, that's almost Jonah Goldberg level literary flatulence. I'm impressed. Maybe this guy should be getting more attention around here.

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  2. Hewitt's been working the reasonable schtick since he was part of a left right & center show on the one of the L.A. public tee vee stations in the '90s.

    Far past his sell-by date, in other words.

    I suspect all this pimping is predicated on his gig at the Reagan Lie-berry; he's enough of an establishment tool to try to make the loons look loony, & the rest of 'em are already trying to establish him (hee-hee) as a voice of reason.



    Or it could just be contract negotiation time.

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  3. DocAmazing1:19 AM

    The appropriately-named Nick Gass at Politico can't seem to help himself:
    The debate will take place Sept. 16 at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California
    Simi Valley, of course, became infamous as the venue-of-choice for the LA County DA who wanted to acquit the cops who were videotaped beating Rodney King. Of course it's the home of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. Of course the Republican debates will take place there.
    Mother Jones’ Washington bureau chief, David Corn, hung up
    on Hewitt during an interview Monday after a heated and lively exchange
    over a story that Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly exaggerated his reporting
    experience while in Argentina for CBS News in 1982.

    This bit was thrown in randomly and without context, as though to say, well, what do you expect from Mother Jones? and neglecting to mention Hewitt's (and Politico's) own role as O'Reilly's bullshit catapult and splashguard.

    All in all, exactly what we;ve come to expect from Politico

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  4. JennOfArk1:28 AM

    Hugh Hewitt is what results when people have sex with yetis.

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  5. DocAmazing1:30 AM

    Yetinsyny!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanis%C5%82aw_Szukalski

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  6. Jon Hendry4:26 AM

    YETIS ISRAEL

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  7. mrstilton4:43 AM

    muir gave up on making a decent webcomic Assumes facts not in evidence. In fact, pretty much stands the evidence on its head.

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  8. smut clyde5:24 AM

    http://blog.kookscience.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Yetinsyny_Rysunek72.gif

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  9. Reagan has really evolved into a mythic figure--too distant a god to have any reality. So hugh hewitt qua high priest is also suffering a bit. Needs these little puff pieces because he is really not visible to the suckers.

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  10. Buffalo Rude8:11 AM

    Muir sucked long before Bammerz usurped the White House from its rightful, Republican owners.

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  11. mortimer20008:17 AM

    Good times. I remember when Hugh was also constantly accusing the MSM of being invested in the failure of the Iraq war: There's quite a lot not being covered because to cover it and to cover it extensively, will not only support the Bush administration decision to go to war here but make it appear as though one of the wisest he has made.
    But a favorite if obscure instance of Hugh dropping into his valiant soldier on the front lines character occurred while he was interviewing General William Odom: General, you are a distinguished and long-serving member of the American military, in the Military Hall of Fame, you’re a Lt. General. I actually served alongside of you in the Reagan administration when you were running NSA.

    This is true if by served alongside Hugh means "you ran the NSA and I was a lowly assistant counsel somewhere else entirely and we probably never even crossed paths but it always sounds good for a Fightin' Man like myself to say Lt. General and served alongside in close proximity."

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  12. satch8:33 AM

    I asks yez... is there ANY right wing shill working today who ISN'T a "constitutional scholar", including that guy who teaches Slip And Fall 101 at the University of Tennessee?

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  13. satch8:36 AM

    "This bit was thrown in randomly and without context, as though to say, well, what do you expect from Mother Jones."


    Well, that WAS the context.

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  14. coozledad8:39 AM

    Needz moar titties.

    http://files.fraterslibertas.com/Images/Hugh/Runnin2.jpg

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  15. Downpup E9:05 AM

    After clicking through to National Journal, I think I'll go to work instead. 2 days hard work should be enough to clear that giant steaming load out, right?

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  16. satch9:05 AM

    "Day By Day" does serve one useful purpose... to make "Mallard Fillmore" look like "Peanuts".

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  17. A fitting end for Hewitt would be chaining him to George W. Bush and forcing both of them to walk the streets of this great land. Hewitt can spend his days fawning over Bush's genius as Bush leads them over every cliff in America.

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  18. satch9:16 AM

    Hybrid vigor my ass...

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  19. Rangpur9:20 AM

    Hugh Hewitt, you goddamn schmuck. Chris Muir isn't widely circulated because he traces his female characters out of porn films, and seizes on any excuse to pose them naked. To be fair, neither of those rule out a career at Marvel or DC but I don't need to see that shit running next to Peanuts reruns.

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  20. Hewitt claimed to "have served"???? Holy crap, that's low. Even by the subterranean standards of the Right, that's scraping for glory.

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  21. Some of us remember how all these same rightwing shills were poking fun at Obama for being an actual teach-at-the-university-level Constitutional scholar. I guess being such a scholar is no longer considered ultra-extreme elitist.

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  22. Between this, Michelle Malkin's cheerleader video, and Pam Gellar's vlog in her bikini, well, it's enough to make a feller want to remove his eyes with a melon baller.

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  23. Oatler9:42 AM

    Hewitt, Goldberg, Lileks and other "intellectual conservatives" peddle nonsense on stilts, as someone else in another century has said.

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  24. randomworker9:43 AM

    Hugh also had a...shall we say...unseemly...mancrush on Mitt Romney's 5 sons who, you will recall, "served their country" by trawling for votes in the Iowa countryside.

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  25. satch9:46 AM

    "...because he was at that moment broadcasting from the Empire State
    Building and "the Empire State Building... has been in the past, and
    could be again, a target.. in downtown Manhattan, it's not comfortable,
    although it's a lot safer than where you are, people always are three
    miles away from where the jihadis last spoke in America..."


    Compare and contrast:


    Back in the day, Edward R. Murrow actually had to BE in London to report on the carnage of the blitz. Hewitt got to watch the World Trade Center collapse on Fox News.

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  26. Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world!

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  27. Mr. Wonderful10:09 AM

    "it is a useful exercise to run through Jeff's piece and substitute 'the
    Jews' for the 'religious right' and all pronounces referring to the
    'religious right.'


    Just as it is a useful exercise to run through "The Sheik of Araby" and add the phrase "without no pants on" at the end of every line. The actual song, of course, is not as literally salacious, but this little experiment does, I think, demonstrate that it would be, if the lyrics were changed in that fashion.

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  28. ROY EDROSO OBLITERATES HUGH HEWITT IN ONE BLOGPOST

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  29. he would need to draw collars on them if he was at dc /rimshot

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  30. Don't make fun of the dangers of working in the Empire State Building! I saw a documentary once where it was attacked by a giant monkey.

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  31. "More than anything else, though, Hewitt is a foreign policy hawk. He
    didn't serve in the armed forces, but he married into a military family,
    tying the knot with his wife, whom he always calls "the fetching Mrs.
    Hewitt" on air, in the chapel at Camp Pendleton, the Marine Corps base."


    Hey... that's close enough for military cred in Outer Wingnuttia.

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  32. DN Nation10:24 AM

    "The only reason Muir isn't widely syndicated is..."

    That the cartoon has devolved into incomprehensible storylines that only exist as an excuse for Muir to badly trace porn he's found on Google Image Search?

    If you haven't seen Day By Day in a while, go take a gander. It's crazyflakes.

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  33. discourse, elevated:

    Throughout most of the discussion, Hewitt questioned Corn’s credibility. But Hewitt’s dickery did not stop there. At 27 minutes in, Hewitt implied that Corn’s motives for publishing the Bill O’Reilly piece were anything but pure.

    “A lot of people say ‘oh c’mon Corn. You’re just mad at FOX, and you’re going after O’Reilly, and you’ve gotta grudge.’ That’s what I heard. You gotta grudge cause you got dumped!”

    Hewitt then asked Corn about FOX’s viewership in comparison to MSNBC, “But the audience for FOX is how many times bigger than the audience of MSNBC, David? Really?”

    “Wh-wh-what does that have to do with anything?” replies a baffled Corn.

    Channeling his inner Regina George, Hewitt responds: “Well, it has to do with all the monetization of the David Corn byline. I mean, they hurt you badly when they dumped you. You have a motive to go after FOX.”

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  34. So many "constitutional scholars" and they still can't understand the plain language of the 14th Amendment....

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  35. Halloween_Jack10:37 AM

    Man, that is one mess o' mess there. I thought that he couldn't go lower than to make Jeff Jarvis relatively sympathetic, but then you got to the Chris Muir thing, and eeeuuwww. I don't think I could do your job without a full hazmat suit, or at least a shovel with a really long handle.

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  36. Halloween_Jack10:39 AM

    I just assume that it's devolved to BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI screamed repeatedly by Rob Liefeld-looking women with handbras.

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  37. Halloween_Jack10:40 AM

    "these days"?

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  38. I want to take this comment to my previously undiscovered island and let the natives there worship it.

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  39. DN Nation10:46 AM

    Not even. It's all-nude these days.

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  40. This never gets old. Even on the darkest day it can make me smile.

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  41. Christ it makes Mallard Fillmore look like Plato.

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  42. You are exaggerating. Those titties are framed with clothing, most of the time. I jumped around the site a bit and I was just gobsmacked at the dream/fantasmagoria quality of the "writing" and the "art." Not only are the images pointlessly pornographic but the logic of the interactions is incomprehensible except as some kind of terse, telegraphic, automatism (thank you Charcot!) in which the brain damaged trauma victim physically rehearses the traumatic incident without having any conscious access to the event.

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  43. John Wesley Hardin11:23 AM

    I keep on mistaking Hewitt for the stupidest man on the Internet, Jim Hoft. I suppose they're different people.

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  44. John Wesley Hardin11:25 AM

    Tbogg's favorite picture of Hewitt.

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  45. John Wesley Hardin11:26 AM

    I would like to project this comment onto the wall of a cave.

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  46. Pawtrax11:27 AM

    Hewitt is as a big a hack as they come but he's also a careful hack. As much as he trash talks the MSM he wants to play in the big leagues as much as any of them. He's smart enough to know that you never go full winger. On air at least. His blog, however, is a regular repository of the crazy. His most recent contribution to elevating our discourse was giving the key's to this blog to a partner at his law firm, John Schroeder who recently wrote:


    "Obama’s aversion to the use of the military is an infringement on religious expression as well. Jesus said, (John 15:13) “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. ” Our military men and women have volunteered to lay down their lives for our nation and those that our nation chooses to defend – it is an act of love. And for many that act is made out of Christian devotion. Amongst the military people I know their families understand this as well, and their sacrifices are also a part of their religious devotion.

    Now , of course, decisions about when and how to use the military are complex and not to be made lightly. That’s not the point. Obama seems to never ever want to put the life of a soldier at risk. Even when he decides to use force, drones and long range bombing predominate – the least risky methods of military action we have at our disposal. On some level, Obama’s policies regarding the use of the military force robs our military men and women of practicing their devotion to God in the way that they see fit."

    http://www.hughhewitt.com/what-a-great-weekend-to-be-a-conservative-political-junkie-but/


    Obama's pacifism is preventing our good christian soldiers from dying for Jesus like he commanded. Feel the elevation!

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  47. John Wesley Hardin11:31 AM

    Oh, just give him the blonde and get it over with.

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  48. I actually had a very angry letter published in my local paper about how awful Mallard Fillmore is, as a cartoon and as political commentary. Unfortunately I can't find a copy of it but it was like taking a laser cannon to a fly, really.

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  49. John Wesley Hardin11:41 AM

    "On some level, Obama’s policies regarding the use of the military force robs our military men and women of practicing their devotion to God in the way that they see fit." Yeah, that would be the 'fucking nutjob' level. Get back on the elevator and keep pushing the 'warmongering asshole' button until you get there.

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  50. RogerAiles11:54 AM

    Huge's role as a primary debate moderator has delayed publication of his book-length endorsement of Ted Cruz, rumored to be titled A Moron in the White House.

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  51. tigrismus11:55 AM

    He only misses out telling us how many virgins they get.

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  52. Bitter Scribe12:09 PM

    I assume we can expect his "Letter to a Young Cruz Supporter" any day now.

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  53. Ripley12:13 PM

    But not a real constitutional scholar, that's cruel.

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  54. Considering that most celebrity "chefs" spend more time in a make-up chair and meetings with their publicists than they do actually cooking, I'd pick the guy who cooks eight hours a day over anyone famous on TV. Anyone who equates fame with talent is a moron.

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  55. Jay B.12:24 PM

    I don't have any idea how it will be answered by the 10 or so potentially serious candidates who may be on that stage, but the difficulty of predicting the best answer can be found — where else? — in two movies about war.


    "Potentially serious?" I knew Republicans were like Shingles.


    Two movies about war? I'm not reading it, but I'm guessing Revenge of the Nerds and Lord of the Flies.

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  56. "He is empirically nuts," Andrew Sullivan concluded, on Hewitt's over-the-top Harriet Miers hackery: http://sullivanarchives.theatlantic.com/index.php.dish_inc-archives.2005_10_30_dish_archive.html#113076989860239957

    Mark Halperin begged for Hewitt to say he's not liberal; no dice: http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/2006/10/more-on-mark-halperins-sad-little.html?m=1

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  57. Unseemly indeed.
    After rereading "but he married into a military family,tying the knot with his wife, whom he always calls "the fetching Mrs. Hewitt" on air, in the chapel at Camp Pendleton, the Marine Corps base.", I've come to the only conclusion possible... The Fetching Mrs. Hewitt is a beard.

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  58. Bitter Scribe12:46 PM

    Not to mention, "This election is one of the most important in history..." Translation: I really, really want my guy to win.

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  59. Can't they just thrown themselves in front of Obama's tanks and black (sic) helicopters? Why are our soldiers allowing themselves to be prevented from spreading their love in the only war that matters--Obama's war against the US?

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  60. Shorter "Goodnight Moron."

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  61. I can't see what David Corn could have done to wrench the interview around but perhaps he will train himself better next time to go on the attack rather than to assume that the interview will follow logical lines.

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  62. i don't see much point in going on these shows at all. they're not interested in a "side" or perspective or information; this is just a chance to kick the other. if someone handles the "interview" well, there's nothing gained and the brethren put it out of their minds--if it ends like this did, it's a chance for right bloggers to crow about sticking it to the lie-brals (google "david corn hugh hewitt"--there's 3 pages of HUGH HEWITT DESTROYS LIBERAL CORN)

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  63. "If you could be given golf lessons by either Tiger Woods or the local
    club pro, guitar lessons by Eric Clapton or the guitarist for the garage
    band playing downtown, cooking lessons by Emeril Lagasse or by the
    night cook at the local diner, which choice would you make in every
    case?"


    How about flying lessons from the guy who "lost" four airplanes?

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  64. RogerAiles1:01 PM

    If I could be represented in court by either a pro per vexatious litigant who types in all caps and bathes infrequently or "constitutional law scholar" Huge Hewitt, I'd go for the former.

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  65. coozledad1:02 PM

    Note the shorts starting to bunch up in his crack. Is he one of those guys who shits while he runs, even in a 440?

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  66. RogerAiles1:04 PM

    All Drones Go To Heaven.

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  67. BigHank531:20 PM

    He could get away with most of that shit if he was actually funny.

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  68. mgmonklewis1:27 PM

    Not to mention, who's to say that those experts in their fields know jack squat about teaching? Just being good at something doesn't mean you're worth a crap at teaching it to someone. (And for all we know, that lowly, sneered-at fry cook makes the best goddamn grilled cheese sammich in the world, and could teach you how to do it.)

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  69. Gromet1:36 PM

    Well now we know the answer to the question "WWJD?" -- throw more teenagers into a war-torn hellscape that promises a shit ton of death!

    Let me also point out his notion of how war works seems to have been formed by the final reel of a B-grade movie from 1952. The men are pinned down! They've got to secure the bridge so America can win, but there's no way around that kraut machine gun nest! Unless... one of us lays down his life.

    Oof, these morons with their notion that hardship (foreign and domestic) is good news because it's a chance at personal redemption, instead of bitterly awful news because it could have been entirely avoided through sensible government.

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  70. M. Krebs1:44 PM

    Huh? When did David Corn work at Fox?

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  71. M. Krebs1:49 PM

    I'm going to copy this comment on a sticky note and stick it on my monitor, just so I'll remember how high the bar is.

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  72. tigrismus1:49 PM

    If you could be given golf lessons by either Tiger Woods or the local
    club pro, guitar lessons by Eric Clapton or the guitarist for the garage
    band playing downtown, cooking lessons by Emeril Lagasse or by the
    night cook at the local diner, which choice would you make in every
    case?


    Let me just guess, four years later actual presidentin' experience was far less important than Hewitt's oversize mancrush.

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  73. M. Krebs1:56 PM

    BREAKING NEWS: KFC TO SELL DEEP-FRIED BURRITO

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  74. right? i don't get it either

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  75. M. Krebs2:02 PM

    Just being good at something doesn't mean you're worth a crap at teaching it to someone...


    Or giving enough of a fuck to try.

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  76. GeniusLemur2:04 PM

    "Hewitt is definitely a Republican, but he is no mere mouthpiece"
    He's a mouthpiece with an "I'm trying to elevate discourse" sticky note slapped on the wad of right-wing toxic waste in his mouth masquerading as a tongue.

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  77. GeniusLemur2:06 PM

    And if you go through Mein Kamph and substitute "the child-eating alien invaders" for every instance of "the Jews," Hitler was just writing his own version of War of the Worlds

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  78. GeniusLemur2:12 PM

    from the old Young Obama Supporter bit mentioned: "he lacks even the barest minimum of life experiences needed for the job."
    And Hewitt was vehemently opposed to W. for the same reason, right? Right?

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  79. Helmut Monotreme2:13 PM

    for example: Liberty Meadows.

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  80. Even at this snark distance you really have to wonder what a pathetic view of "life experiences" Hewitt had, back then, to think that Obama whose life was chock full of pretty fucking meaningful life experiences somehow was lacking in that capacity. Maybe I'm biased because I'm an anthropologist and Obama's mother was an anthropologist but Obama's life was really full of some pretty important "life experiences" and his book Dreams From My Father was actually a fucking fantastic and insightful exploration of those experiences showing that he had not just lived them, but experienced them. If anything--not that Hewitt et al would admit it--everything that Bush ever said about his own life shows that the meaning and nature of it was as undigested in him as a piece of corn in a piece of poop. Bush had had a pretty interesting life as the grandson of a senator and the son of a president but it didn't leave a mark on his consciousness.

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  81. Marion in Savannah2:41 PM

    It ain't just you fellers...

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  82. Sometimes its best to just walk away. Poor Mr. Corn!

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  83. They're determined to discover exactly WHAT exists beneath the bottom of the fabled barrel. Is it alive? Can they eat it?

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  84. Or the Second Amendment, for that matter!

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  85. Helmut Monotreme3:21 PM

    Or alternatively: "I've got money on this election so if I want to keep my knees bending the right way..."

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  86. They WILL hit it with a rock, though.

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  87. glennisw3:30 PM

    This is not satire? [faints dead away]

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  88. ColBatGuano3:37 PM

    Same goes for golf lessons. The local pro makes his money teaching people to golf. Tiger Woods does not.

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  89. billcinsd3:51 PM

    well maybe he was trying and failing to make a decent webcomic before 2009 and then quit trying. I don't think he ever quit failing

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  90. Hewitt in the discourse-elevating Washington Times:
    Any Republicans who vote against higher defense spending should be fired
    BY HUGH HEWITT | MARCH 22, 2015 | 5:00 PM

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  91. DocAmazing3:59 PM

    I never knew that "Banzai!" was part of the Christian hymnal.

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  92. Brother Yam4:08 PM

    And Supply-Side Jesus will cut the funding to the VA and eliminate the GI Bill.



    Because Trickle-Down Jesus says so!

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  93. Brother Yam4:09 PM

    Hewitt cracks Corn. But, does he care?

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  94. Twice over stil got nothing but slack in my jaw...

    ...

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  95. Technically didn't his father teach Tiger to play?

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  96. In my opinion, Paul McCartney is a good example of what you're saying.

    He's a great bass player; there's no doubt about that, but after watching some of his lessons on video, I have to say that's he's not very good at teaching.

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  97. With a world on fire and threats to the homeland as well as allies
    growing daily, posturing over Pentagon spending should become a toxic
    indulgence for incumbents.


    That's some ass-nificent prose ya got there, Hugh!

    This guy gets paid to write?

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  98. AlanInSF5:49 PM

    "If you could be given golf lessons by either Tiger Woods or the local club pro, guitar lessons by Eric Clapton or the guitarist for the garage band playing downtown..." Depends on whether you wanted to learn your craft or hang out with hypocritical philanderers and ungrateful racists.

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  99. Sometimes people who are really good at something are just plain talented. And that can't be taught.

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  100. ... and planes were trying to fly into the building too, only the giant monkey kept swatting them away! And Condi said "no one could imagine" the planes hitting WTC! Huh.

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  101. M. Krebs6:34 PM

    It's like the math professor who won't teach undergrads, saying "I simply cannot teach the obvious."

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  102. M. Krebs6:48 PM

    Really, though, the entire premise is just stupid. For one thing none of those guys is ever going to spend the time giving pointers to Random Individual, and, even if they did, there would be almost no value in it. Hey, check out this awesome pentatonic scale Eric Clapton taught me! Or, hey, if you combine garlic power, onion power, ground cayenne pepper, and coriander and rub that shit on a pork chop, it's fucking amazing! Emerald taught me that! Christ, these people.

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  103. merl16:52 PM

    My mom and us kids weren't real eager to see dad die defending the South Vietnamese. And we were regular church goers. I'm pretty sure that my grandniece doesn't want to see her husband die for whatever insane reason, either. Or maybe she does. She's as winger as they come. Luckily a non voting winger.

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  104. Ellis_Weiner6:57 PM

    Obama's pacifism is preventing our good christian soldiers from dying for Jesus like he commanded--

    --and like they really want to! THAT's the tragedy--and the crime--of the Obama administration. All this lack of bloodshed, the sheer hideous absence of waste of people living, the whatever-the-opposite-of-trauma-is as visited upon men's and women's minds, bodies, and souls by this reckful president's heedful rush to withhold military action.



    Believe me, Hugh and I would love to volunteer to join our brave warriors on the front lines, fighting for freedom and America...but there just isn't any opportunity!

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  105. parsec7:09 PM

    Prickly City is kinda cute except when the cartoonist has a Tourettes fit and yodels the Horst Wessel song.

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  106. J Neo Marvin7:24 PM

    What's Eric Clapton going to teach anyone? "Go listen to some BB King records and practice"?

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  107. J Neo Marvin7:41 PM

    It all ties in with the conservative mentality. These big names are The Authorities You Must Worship. An obscure skilled person who works for a living has nothing of value to offer.

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  108. You can leave your turban on.

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  109. smut clyde8:07 PM

    Like so:

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  110. redoubtagain8:25 PM

    "No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." George S. Patton

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  111. LittlePig8:30 PM

    little teeny club, little tiny cattle prod - it was so cute!

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  112. Hewitt deserves a prize for not shitting on the rug. This is what we call the Republican meritocracy.

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  113. LittlePig8:34 PM

    "We're gonna hold them by the nose and kick 'em in the ass!"

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  114. redoubtagain8:38 PM

    A fitting end for Hewitt would be chaining him to George W. Bush and
    forcing both of them to walk the streets of Sadr City, Baghdad.




    Fixed

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  115. Really? It's a given that I'd rather take lessons from Tiger Woods than my local golf pro? Like Woods would be a better teacher than a scratch golfer who gets paid to teach people how to play golf? Yeah, Hugh, I know what you were trying to say. Now get back to your fucking laptop and say it right.

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  116. BigHank5310:05 PM

    Oh, man. I used to live a couple towns over from Frank Cho, and I always wanted to find out if he could even draw a woman with a B-cup. But yeah: Liberty Meadows managed to be consistently funny.

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  117. Disboose10:19 PM

    FFS, Hewitt wrote a book called "If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat: Crushing the Democrats in Every Election and Why Your Life Depends on It" in 2004. You couldn't find a better example of an up-is-down always-wrong-but-occasionally-uses-$4-words-on-his-blog-so-he-must-be-moderate huckster this side of Instapundit.

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  118. smut clyde10:25 PM

    Still waiting for a first-hand eye-witness report from O'Reilly.

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  119. "If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat: Volume MDCVII of It's Always Projection in Conservativeland."

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  120. AGoodQuestion10:55 PM

    Love his suggestion to Kinsley those years ago about "reinvigorating" the LA Times editorial page by hiring Jim Fucking Lileks and Mickey Fucking Kaus. Next project would be reinvigorating a failing pizzeria by using only microwave ovens and using the sauce you strain from cans of Spaghetti-os.

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  121. AGoodQuestion11:01 PM

    Look at it this way. Hewitt's fame among at least a goodly portion of Americans is the best evidence he has of his own talent. Of course reading anything he's written is a clear refutation of that case, but he's not about to admit that, even to himself.

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  122. AGoodQuestion11:08 PM

    What was it Jesus said? Oh yeah. "I died on the cross. Now it's your turn, you pussy."

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  123. AGoodQuestion11:18 PM

    An obscure skilled person who works for a living has nothing of value to offer.
    ... and can be downsized without guilt or further consideration.

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  124. AGoodQuestion11:23 PM

    Chris Muir: Greg Land for the American Spectator set.

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  125. AGoodQuestion11:30 PM

    It's also hard not to notice the tragic facial paralysis suffered by his characters.

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  126. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:00 AM

    If you could be given golf lessons by either Tiger Woods or the local
    club pro, guitar lessons by Eric Clapton or the guitarist for the garage
    band playing downtown, cooking lessons by Emeril Lagasse or by the
    night cook at the local diner, which choice would you make in every
    case?


    Tiger may be hot shit, but the club pro is...a pro. You wanna take pasture pool lessons, you need the basics first, and the club pro is plenty good for that. Probably better.
    If they're playing downtown, must be a pretty damn good garage band*. Sounds like the Beat farmers, in fact, and lessons from Jerry Raney and Rolle Love would probably do you more good.
    The cook at the diner. First thing I wanna learn is how to break an egg with one hand.

    * Unless he means downtown East Chicago, in which case WTF...

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  127. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:12 AM

    Might wanna come down to a lower elevation where his brain can get some oxygen...

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  128. Gabriel Ratchet12:14 AM

    If not literally, at least for his chickenhawkery.

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  129. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:28 AM

    Didn't the Falafellator spout the same "yeah, but we got the ratings!" bullshit in an interview in the last week or so? I bet that's where HH got it.

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  130. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:35 AM

    While out the other side of their mouths comes shit like "Expert, riiiight. You know what an expert is, dontcha? Well, X is the unknown quantity, and a spurt is a drip under pressure! hahahaha!" Back in the day I listened to a lot of wingnut talk radio, and I must have heard that once a week.

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  131. Wrangler5:31 AM

    This is why I would be terrible on TV. I definitely would have made a joke about the fat, sedentary FOX audience if I had had the "how many times bigger" line thrown at me.

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  132. Cufmann6:57 AM

    Said no conservative ever.

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  133. Bush had had a pretty interesting life as the grandson of a senator and the son of a president but it didn't leave a mark on his consciousness.

    This is consistent with conservatives in general. Self-awareness and introspection are not part of their intellectual/emotional makeup. This extends to their complete lack of empathy and inability to imagine themselves in another's place.

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  134. Ever scare a flock of seagulls into flight? Notice how most of them take a massive dump at about 10 feet off the ground? That's their way of lightening the load. Just like some runners.

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  135. Halloween_Jack9:42 AM

    It's almost as if Hugh doesn't really want to learn golf, guitar or cooking, but just wants the bragging rights.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Halloween_Jack9:45 AM

    "Do heroin and marry your friend's ex-wife. Worked for me!"

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  137. Halloween_Jack9:56 AM

    It's remarkable how little impact Decision Points, W's memoirs, seems to have had; the structure and reviews of the book seem to confirm that it was oriented towards rationalizing the decisions that he made while he was in office, and didn't involve much reflection. Compare that with Bill Clinton's My Life, which was a huge best-seller, plausibly written by Clinton himself, criticized mostly for its length (over a thousand pages), and got Bubba his second Grammy for narrating the audiobook version.

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  138. J Neo Marvin11:49 AM

    Start up a band with a brilliant singer/songwriter/bassist and a crazy drummer who hate each other and make a bunch of brilliant records and luck out because late 60s hippie aesthetics dictate that your extended blues solos were the most important aspect of the band, then coast through the rest of your career while your two ex-bandmates languish in obscurity. Worked great for me, might not work for you.

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  139. J Neo Marvin12:11 PM

    This has been What Is Dennis Whining About Now?

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  140. Cufmann1:35 PM

    Dude, you never bring it. C'mon, step it up a little. Your rote responses can be found anywhere.

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  141. realinterrobang1:44 PM

    I notice he doesn't seem to be too eager to do Christian duty himself, much in the same way that proponents of slavery and torture seem unwilling to try it for themselves...

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  142. John Wesley Hardin1:59 PM

    Supply-Side Jesus, Trickle-Down Jesus and Republican Jesus; the Holy Trinity.

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  143. J Neo Marvin2:12 PM

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

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  144. Cufmann4:59 PM

    Agree with you there.

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  145. AGoodQuestion7:54 PM

    Once you've got the band rolling, I guess it has a 1-in-3 chance of working for you.

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  146. Halloween_Jack10:18 AM

    Few things are more schadenfreudalicious than the guy who is patently and chronically convinced that he's the smartest guy in the room, all evidence to the contrary, and won't stoop to explain his gnomic proclamations to mere mortals. There are certain types of dogwhistling for which even dogs will just look at the whistler with the expression, beeyotch, please.

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