Tuesday, February 24, 2015

STOP THE PRESSES.

Of all sad words of tongue or pen...


But seriously, folks:
“Laudner would not go there unless Trump is all the way in,” Deace said. “Laudner used to be a high-ranking official with the Republican Party of Iowa. He is on good terms with pretty much every single respected conservative in Iowa, really tight with Congressman Steve King and helped Bob VanderPlaats run the judicial retention fight we won a few years ago. There’s no other way of understanding that. This is a major coup for Donald. Major coup.”
Maybe Trump ought to limber up for the Presidency with a run at an Iowa school board seat first.

86 comments:

  1. a very classy, a very major coup. maybe the classiest, the smartest, of all the coups you'll ever see, and as my very good, very classy friend vincent mcmahon, jr. would say, "don, you get the guy who does the judicial retention thing, you go big, okay, you get mr. t, cyndi lauper, you go on the mtv, you get the hulkster a spot in a rocky movie, it's all good business, but first you gotta start with the judicial retention guy."

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  2. Please let Trump run. Please let Trump run. And Palin. And Huckebee.


    Oh God this is going to be fun!

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  3. calling all toasters11:40 PM

    This can only mean one thing: they're going to rename the Republican primaries The Presidential Apprentice, and the nomination will go to the slutty one..

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  4. Moocherin_and_Looterin11:43 PM

    Grifter finds sucker- it's like a nature show about the courtship rituals of assholes in the wild!

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  5. GeniusLemur12:08 AM

    "Donald Trump is in it to win it"

    As opposed to the last campaign, where he was in it for the hell of it.

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  6. A major coup indeed, for now the Donald gets to ride shotgun in the Chuck Truck.

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  7. Giant Monster Gamera12:15 AM

    At least with Trump we know he's not in there for the money, but instead to pump up his own narcissistic ego.

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  8. JennOfArk12:23 AM

    Well why wouldn't he, after seeing Scott Walker as the current favorite. Convinced him that intelligence isn't a factor with the GOP base, so why not run?

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  9. DocAmazing12:58 AM

    A cult of no personality.

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  10. petesh1:31 AM

    Are you sure about the money part? He has a history of being leveraged approximately halfway to the Sargasso Sea.

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  11. synykyl2:02 AM

    If he ran once, will he run again? Trump is a shitty businessman *and* a shitty presidential candidate. He's two, two, two excrements in one.

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  12. Kordo2:05 AM

    Trump! Deace! Breitbart's House of Subliterate Cretins! The genius who brought us the talking Marcel Marceau doll! We can't lose!

    And people wonder why I love politics. Frankly, I've lost track of who is grifting who...

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  13. ken_lov2:35 AM

    Welcome aboard Mr Trump, still a few seats left on the clown bus. Why don't you sit next to that nice Mr Graham in 12A.

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  14. Tom Hartley2:51 AM

    I WANNA SEE HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE

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  15. MacCheerful3:22 AM

    Only in my darkest sweet dreams is Trump a major Republican presidential candidate

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  16. Lesus, Roy. You really troll even Breitbartlandia?

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  17. BadExampleMan5:33 AM

    ...the saddest are these,

    @realDonaldTrump Go fuck yourself.— Deadspin (@Deadspin) January 17, 2013

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  18. Watch as they both pucker up, followed by the ritual posturing and, in the final climax, both parties eject large volumes of bovine feces.

    Don't miss it! Tonight on "Nat Ambitions Wild!"

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  19. Good to see Trump finally getting in the race against Barack Obama. I'm sure THIS TIME Trump can keep Obama from winning another term in the White House.

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  20. True about his leverage. Also true that he managed to run a casino so badly that the house always lost.

    But here's what make people like Trump financial geniuses: When they go bankrupt (as Trump has done several times), there are no consequences. Trump files for bankruptcy and he keeps everything he's got and all his money. The banks then take it out on all of their small retail depositors.

    It takes great financial acumen to be born into a wealthy family and then parlay that wealthy through several bankruptcies in areas where even a gerbil should be able to make money.

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  21. Kinda like a crap Cowtail:

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  22. But I keep hearing that Trump is "self-made!" There's even a documentary on YouTube called "Donald Trump, The Self-Made Billionaire."

    Do you mean to say it's not true? I thought we lived in a meritocracy!

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  23. JennOfArk8:03 AM

    Short-fingered vulgarian FTW!

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  24. When it comes to rising to the top, Trump is indeed a floater.

    Meanwhile, meant to send you this the other day:

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  25. Not just any man can go on national TV with a squirrel on his head.

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  26. mgmonklewis8:14 AM

    It being Trump, I assumed it was a luxurious toupée woven of the finest blow-dried orangutan armpit hair.

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  27. So much for Reince Priebus's efforts to keep the primaries from being a complete clown show.

    The only real question is how many GOP primary candidates will publicly state that God personally told them to run? Last time around, we had Bachmann, Perry, Santorum, and Huckabee. I guess God's sense of humor is pretty much on the "pull my finger" level for these folks.

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  28. coozledad8:32 AM

    Ground control to major Coup
    judicial retentives on line 2.

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  29. satch8:36 AM

    “Laudner would not go there unless Trump is all the way in,” Deace said."


    And here we thought Baby Jesus didn't love us...

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  30. coozledad8:36 AM

    So what you're saying is,“Laudner would not go there unless Trump is all the way in Richard Gere's ass?"

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  31. Helmut Monotreme8:38 AM

    Why can't he just tell them to build an ark?

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  32. Invest in HabiTrail, my son. Miles and miles of HabiTrail.

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  33. That's one of the cutest things I've ever seen...

    Who's Cumberbatch's little friend?

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  34. Scott Walker it is, then.

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  35. Helmut Monotreme8:57 AM

    Given Trump's history of serial bankruptcies, the way to find out which of the two is the bigger sucker is this. If Laudner is getting paid in cash, Trump is the bigger sucker, if Laudner takes a check, Laudner is the bigger sucker.

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  36. Free range orangutan.

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  37. Helmut Monotreme8:58 AM

    I now need all the brain bleach.

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  38. Make that a "B" ark.

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  39. “Laudner would not go there unless Trump is all the way in,” Deace said.IYKWIMAITYD.

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  40. Helmut Monotreme9:04 AM

    I have a feeling that Trump's choice of running mate is going to make John McCain's decision look like the wisdom of Solomon.

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  41. coozledad9:04 AM

    Some folks like 'em a little strabismus.

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  42. calling all toasters9:08 AM

    It's clearly made from ass hair, because it's got a piece of shit still dangling from it.

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  43. glennisw9:09 AM

    Bring on the debates! This is going to be fun.

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  44. Checking Guinness, "World's largest dingleberry..."

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  45. gocart mozart9:40 AM

    Trump has all the necessary qualification to be a serious contender for the nomination:
    1. Name recognition - check
    2. Money = check
    3. Major asshole - check
    4. Liar - check
    5. Contempt for minorities and the poor - check
    6. Arrogance = check
    7. Hate for Obama - check


    I expect him to do well if he runs.

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  46. gocart mozart9:47 AM

    Gary Busey is available.

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  47. "...used to be a high-ranking official with the Republican Party of Iowa."


    *cough*HasBeen*cough*


    ...

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  48. gocart mozart9:50 AM

    He started with only a few dozen million and parlayed that into a billion.*


    * allegedly billion, we only have Trumps word for that but he wouldn't lie.

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  49. Only if there is a baby involved!

    ...

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  50. Would he be willing to wear a diaper?
    ...

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  51. gocart mozart9:53 AM

    If the money's right, sure why not.

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  52. I would like to put this comment and myself in a time machine, take us both back to third grade, skip a couple of classes to hang out in the restroom making poo jokes and giggling.
    ....

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  53. dmsilev9:59 AM

    Trump/Rand Paul '16! They'll win the tribble-head demographic easily.

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  54. Come on man, buddys with King, judicial retention thingy, that's gotta count for somesuch, right? Plus the Donald loves him....

    /runs off to corner to puke....
    ...

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  55. BigHank5310:03 AM

    You misspelled "rage".

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  56. Halloween_Jack10:10 AM

    Trump has all the necessary qualification to be a serious contender for the nomination:1. Name recognition - check
    2. Money - check
    3. Major asshole - check
    4. Liar - check
    5. Contempt for minorities and the poor - check
    6. Arrogance - check
    7. Hate for Obama - check
    8. Aggressive ignorance of all things - check


    Not that he doesn't have the other things, but really, it's all about the benjamins. I'm currently watching, with a sort of horrified fascination, as a millionaire who bought the governorship of my own state--legally--shows that he not only doesn't have a fucking clue of how to run things, but couldn't care less. Trump wrote the Iowa guy a check to keep fooling himself that he has a chance. It's all about old rich men boosting their own egos.

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  57. You see a man walking down the street with that on his head, you know he's not afraid of anyone.

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  58. coozledad10:21 AM

    Everything that is without him he has made within. His boastfulness and pride made modesty, his stupidity, gravity.


    Only when he becomes president will he be free to put on the loincloth and take up the spinning wheel. Mahatma Trump.

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  59. I want to meditate on this comment until I am freed from worldly want and desire.

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  60. zencomix10:29 AM

    Trump may be ridiculous, but he's not stupid. The money laundering opportunities that exist within our current campaign finance laws are too juicy to pass up. Trump doesn't think he'll win anymore than Newt Gingrich or Rick Santorum think they'll win. You can always stuff one more clown into the car, especially when the cab fare's being paid by funds of unknown origin. I'm patiently awaiting for Herman Cain to rise from the ashes and open up an "exploratory committee".

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  61. Nah... this year it's Ben Carson's turn to occupy the "Black Con" niche.

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  62. dstatton10:55 AM

    VanderPlaats. I believe that's Dutch for UnderPants.

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  63. StringOnAStick10:58 AM

    I look at Walker, and I see an idiot, but when I read about Walker, I understand the guy is pretty canny. Charlie Pierce is right about Walker; we need to keep a close eye on him, if only because he is the Koch's proven cabana boy. The Koch's are feeling the hot breath of time on their necks, so it is time to go big.

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  64. dstatton10:59 AM

    AKA short-fingered casino operator from Queens.

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  65. StringOnAStick11:02 AM

    John Oliver is right. We are distracted by the do nothing BS of DC< but the real destruction of the US is occurring at the state level.

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  66. BigHank5311:08 AM

    That actually echoes one of my own worries: that one of the Kochs will suffer some kind of health crisis in the next ~12 months, and then decides that he's going to see his bought-and-paid-for pet candidate in the Oval Office, damn the expense. Why not drop a few billion on it? After all, you can't take the cash with you when you croak.

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  67. BigHank5311:13 AM

    To quote some old movie, "There's only one thing that's better than money....and that's other people's money."

    I don't believe Trump's serious about being President. But he's as serious as a heart attack about (a) promoting the Trump brand and (b) raking 20% off the top of every dollar that's contributed to his campaign.

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  68. coozledad11:17 AM

    Old New York bluebloods. Came over from Haarlem with a boatload of shitty drawers.

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  69. StringOnAStick11:18 AM

    An excellent plot for a dystopian story; problem is, it's non-fiction and we're in it.

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  70. Magatha11:20 AM

    Upvoted x 100. Is there any hope with Schauer's Advantage 2020 super PAC project? I mean, is this a bus upon which I should be getting?

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  71. StringOnAStick11:23 AM

    Link please? I'm looking for the right bus.

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  72. FrenchFriar11:48 AM

    The Donald is in it to skim it.

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  73. RogerAiles12:35 PM

    9. OCD - check.

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  74. Intelligence is not admired or rewarded any more. Slyness and cunning and a total lack of morals is the ideal.

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  75. redoubtagain3:32 PM

    Yup. His entire career has been getting other people to pay him to put his own name on something; this is no different.

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  76. The dream thicket!!

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  77. redoubtagain3:45 PM

    I'm currently watching, with a sort of horrified fascination, as a
    millionaire who bought the governorship of my own state--legally--shows
    that he not only doesn't have a fucking clue of how to run things, but couldn't care less.
    Hang in there; this means he'll be indicted about the time of next year's conventions. 'Cause the one thing I can always count on from my home state (even if I'm 12-hours-drive away) is executive overreach being punished.

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  78. As I've said elsewhere, how the fuck do you go bankrupt running a goddamn casino? It's like having a license to print money, and then buying $150 toner cartridges that can only produce 100 one-dollar bills before running out.

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  79. AGoodQuestion10:48 PM

    In the Steve Deace quote I see "all the way in", "really tight", and "retention". Wake me up when he gets to "balls deep" and "put more KY on it."

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  80. AGoodQuestion11:43 PM

    His Trump Time Travel Task Force took care of it, influencing the Republican congress to pass the 22nd amendment. To make their case they had to get that sonovabitch Roosevelt elected four times, but they got their man.

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  81. Gabriel Ratchet12:14 AM

    Trump better hope The Apprentice isn't cancelled between now and then, otherwise he's going to have to find a new excuse for not following through.

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  82. Old Genesis Foxtrot references make me happy.

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