Monday, November 24, 2014

PEOPLE YAKETY-YAK A STREAK AND WASTE YOUR TIME OF DAY...

Well, I see New York magazine interviewed a guy who fucks horses. I like to think the whole thing was designed as a practical joke on Rod Dreher, known for his eruptions over such evanescent prurientia as 2 Girls 1 Cup (remember that?); if so, mission accomplished!
I’m not linking to it, because it is sick, sick stuff. It’s incredibly graphic, and I had decided not to write about it. But...
Yeah, we can guess, preacher man. Or can we? Let's see where Brother Rod takes it:
What’s significant is not that this deranged behavior happens. It has no doubt always been with us. What’s significant is that this interview appears in a mainstream magazine... 
New York has won a slew of National Magazine Awards, including being named 2013′s Magazine of the Year. This isn’t an Al Goldstein rag. This isn’t even the Village Voice.
Yeah, the Voice published Roy Edroso and homos, but New York is a recent award winner! Its pages are glossy! Also, Robert George agrees with Dreher, and don't you pointy-heads discount George because he's writing on Facebook -- discount him because he's a weirdo who favors the anatomical-doll school of Adam and Stevery ("In coitus, but not in other forms of sexual contact, a man and a woman’s bodies coordinate by way of their sexual organs... they are biologically united, and do not merely rub together..."). George shares Dreher's disgust, and demands action:
I mention it, reluctantly, only to show that anyone who thought we had already reached the bottom of the slippery slope is mistaken. The descent into Gomorrah continues. I believe it can be reversed, but not simply stopped. “This far and no farther,” is not an option.
Hear hear, says Dreher, because we wouldn't have horse-fucking in glossy magazines if you non-reproductive bit-rubbers hadn't gotten the slope all slippery:
Ideas have consequences. If your idea is that all consensual sex is good, or at least beyond judgment, and that sexual desire is its own justification, then you have met your consequence in New York‘s anonymous zoophile.
 "Dogs and cats, living together" was not a JOKE, people! Soon everybody, human and animal, will be friggin' and frugin' and sticking their bits wherever they can, unless we reverse the flow! THANKS OBAMA!

UPDATE: Isn't it obvious now that the famous pervert Woody Allen was trying to normalize this kind of behavior?


UPDATE 2. A winning comment right out of the gate by Glock H. Palin, Esq.: "Sure, rural people do it, and have been doing it since before this was a country, but those godless heather urban types write about it. Is there no end to their depravity?!" Oh Glock, you don't know the half of it -- one of Dreher's commenters actually cites Ike Snopes and the cow from The Hamlet ("the whole passage pretty much turned me off Faulkner forever. Yes, I know Faulkner is considered 'literature'...") and betrays no awareness that farmers fucking livestock was not invented by Faulkner, but is part of the great American agrarian tradition.

245 comments:

  1. Glock H. Palin, Esq.1:38 PM

    "Sure, rural people do it, and have been doing it since before this was a country, but those godless heather urban types write about it. Is there no end to their depravity?!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTB8LYisi60
    I wonder what they'd say about Lenny Bruce?

    ReplyDelete
  3. susanoftexas1:42 PM

    Has anyone told Disney about the dangers of Beast-on-Beauty relationships? One minute you're dancing with a prince, the next minute you've married a candlestick and are trying to adopt a match.

    ReplyDelete
  4. susanoftexas1:49 PM

    It's a good thing Rod moved to backwoods Louisiana. Nothing hinky ever going on there.

    ReplyDelete
  5. coozledad1:51 PM

    If your idea is that all consensual sex is good, or at least beyond judgment, and that sexual desire is its own justification, then you have met your consequence in New York‘s anonymous zoophile.



    There goes Dreher, misunderstanding the fuck out of consent again- or maybe he believes Equines would assent to a fucking by one of his salt of the earth types.
    You just know a horsefucker has to belong to an MRA. And he probably says to himself "She was asking for it. I could tell by the way she slipped out of her bridle."

    ReplyDelete
  6. If your idea is that all consensual sex is good, or at least beyond judgment, and that sexual desire is its own justification, then you have met your consequence in New York‘s anonymous zoophile.

    I realize that this post is not meant to be addressed seriously, and I should be telling coarse and lowbrow jokes here, but can I make one serious remark? Pretty please?

    Okay, so the single biggest gap that guys like Dreher have to cross is that there is a difference between "Consensual sex between willing partners is acceptable" and "People should cram their willies into every willing hole they see." Aside from a few contrarians in comment sections, I've known very few liberals/feminists/LGBT rights activitists who favor this sort of hyperactive hedonism as an innate good.

    These guys keep trying to turn sex into this dichotomous thing - either it's for procreation (as God intended) or it's like a fun water slide. You know what? It's both and it's neither and it's more. It's about bonding, and believe it or not queers and people who've had recreative sex can bond, too. The sooner these guys drop that ridiculous medieval madonna/whore complex, the sooner we can have a legit adult discussion about sexuality, society, and the greater human condition.

    Okay, now back to the animal fucking jokes. I've got one - two English gentlemen are talking. One says, "Did you hear? Chauncey was caught making love to a sheep." To which the other replies...eh, you've all heard this one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Robert William Alexander Jr.1:54 PM

    Worth pointing out that many states that had made gay sex illegal before the the Supremes put their hooves into it still have NOT criminalized bestiality...and for the love of maude don't tell Rod about the agricultural colleges offering degrees in Animal Husbandry...

    ReplyDelete
  8. smut clyde1:56 PM

    the bottom of the slippery slope

    If the bottom is a slippery slope, you may have been over-enthusiastic with the lube.

    ReplyDelete
  9. dmsilev1:57 PM

    From the deep dark mists of time (aka 2005)

    http://www.newshounds.us/2005/05/06/bizarre_sex_habits_of_the_extreme_rightwing.php#more

    "Last night, anti-abortion extremist Neal Horsley was a guest on The Alan Colmes Show, a FOX News radio program.

    AC: "You had sex with animals?"

    NH: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule." "

    ReplyDelete
  10. smut clyde1:57 PM

    "she slipped out of her bridle."
    Oh, I thought they said bridal. I guess the ceremony wasn't legal after all.

    ReplyDelete
  11. dmsilev1:59 PM

    This is all just about ethics in equine journalism.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Robert William Alexander Jr.1:59 PM

    Well the version I heard went "Ram or Ewe?" "Oh, Ram, certainly...nothing straight about old Chauncy.."

    ReplyDelete
  13. Cato the Censor2:01 PM

    If your idea is that all consensual sex is good, or at least beyond judgment, and that sexual desire is its own justification, then you have met your consequence in New York‘s anonymous zoophile.
    1. A horse is a dumb animal (although I suspect there are some out there smarter than Rod Dreher).
    2. By definition, a dumb animal is incapable of giving consent to sex with a human. Such sex is therefore always non-consensual.
    3. Dreher's point as set forth above therefore makes absolutely no sense at all.
    4. My question: why do reactionaries always make the leap from sex between consenting adults humans to bestiality and pedophilia? Basic inability to understand? Propaganda ploy? The fact that they really want to commit the latter two acts themselves and they're projecting like mad?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Huh, mine was the opposite. It was a ewe, because there's nothing queer about Chauncey...

    ReplyDelete
  15. susanoftexas2:02 PM

    But Dreher doesn't want to hear about your "consents."

    (And by the way, if the only thing you have to stand on to condemn Captain Equus here is that his girlfriend can’t meaningfully consent, then, well, you are ridiculous.)
    Dreher isn't quite able to figure out that nobody's defending or promoting sex with horses here, except for one unfortunate soul. No horses are suing for the right to marry or join the military. Horses aren't protesting horse-bashing. Horses, in fact, are 100% mute on the whole concept of horse sexual rights.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Robert William Alexander Jr.2:03 PM

    Ah, well, it's an equal opportunity offender...I'm pretty sure mine came from the "National Lampoon"'s Gay Ish...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Robert William Alexander Jr.2:04 PM

    For some reason I think of Frau Bleucher...

    ReplyDelete
  18. susanoftexas2:07 PM

    I think the horses were protesting the idea of Frau Bleucher having sex.

    ReplyDelete
  19. smut clyde2:07 PM

    you have met your consequence in New York‘s anonymous zoophile


    So, we're supposed to be sorry now, all regretful to have previously condoned homosexuality? I have to confess, I don't give two tugs on a dead dingo's dick.

    ReplyDelete
  20. smut clyde2:08 PM

    Hey, McLeod, get offa my ewe!

    ReplyDelete
  21. coozledad2:10 PM

    You ought to see the stats from South Carolina re greasy stepladder injuries.

    ReplyDelete
  22. mortimer20002:13 PM

    Coulda been worse.... like an interview with a depraved freak who gets a kick out of erotic hayrides with Rod Dreher.

    ReplyDelete
  23. susanoftexas2:15 PM

    You should see a horse try to walk down the street in NY. "Hey, honey, whatcha got under that blanket!" "You could dig those spurs into me anytime!"

    ReplyDelete
  24. smut clyde2:17 PM

    It’s incredibly graphic
    Speaking of graphics, is it possible to embed images within comments on Dreher's blog?
    Asking for a friend.

    ReplyDelete
  25. susanoftexas2:18 PM

    Watch out, you might get Rod a little randy.

    ReplyDelete
  26. coozledad2:18 PM

    Other arms reach out to me
    Other eyes smile tenderly
    Still in peaceful dreams I see
    The road leads back to mules...

    ReplyDelete
  27. smut clyde2:26 PM

    Yes, it behooves you to post that.

    ReplyDelete
  28. smut clyde2:27 PM

    "Where does South Carolina stand on the issue of equine bestiality?"
    "On upturned buckets, usually."

    ReplyDelete
  29. susanoftexas2:28 PM

    You can't wear blinders when dealing with Dreher.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Fresh outs animal fucking jokes but...

    If a couple in [insert stereotypical backward jurisdiction here] get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?

    ReplyDelete
  31. Atrios2:38 PM

    I've long imagined that Rod Dreher started to write something like "I have watched 2 Girls 1 Cup 37 times now, and I have never seen anything sicker" and then in a rare moment of self-awareness edited it.

    ReplyDelete
  32. You just had to trot that one out, didn't you?

    ReplyDelete
  33. Robert William Alexander Jr.2:40 PM

    Since I'm in Georgia, I'll use insert (so to speak) Alabama...
    And I have one, not too bad (and I'm a rural guy and somewhat educated redneck so..) : A couple of good ol' boys were driving down a country road drinking beer when they happen to see a cow with her head caught in a fence. Red, the driver, yells 'yee haa', pulls over, gets behind the unfortunate beast and begins...to have carnal knowledge of it..after a few minutes he yells to his buddy, watching "hey Hollis, you want some of this?" Hollis thinks a bit, and says "well, OK, but I'll need help getting my head in the fence.."

    ReplyDelete
  34. coozledad2:46 PM

    Or you'll came a crupper.

    ReplyDelete
  35. susanoftexas2:51 PM

    I like to stirrup trouble.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Gromet2:52 PM

    So lemme get this straight. The problem is not that zoophilia exists, it's that now a magazine admits it exists. That means the culture is going to pieces. And Dreher is NOT part of the problem, because he is only... writing in a magazine to... admit that zoophilia exists... but alongside the admission... he's appending a "THIS IS GROSS!" thought bubble... so... problem solved?

    Have fun in Hell, first magazine and everyone who read it. Don't come crying to Dreher when you want a glass of water, because even if he wanted to help you, the house rules won't let him.

    ReplyDelete
  37. coozledad2:52 PM

    "Its pages are glossy!"



    Well, they are now.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Fearguth2:53 PM

    Are all slopes slippery, or am I just a deviated prevert?

    ReplyDelete
  39. My wife, whose fascination with unicorns as a kid put all other unicorn-obsessed kids to shame, has taught me that unicorns are not horses if they are drawn correctly as this one is. Rather than horse hooves and horse tails, they have cloven hooves and lion tails. I'm not sure whether that is meant to make them sexier, or is just a biological fact.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Jeremy Osner2:58 PM

    Wild -- I love The Hamlet but had forgotten completely about the cow-fucking.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Frank DiMarcotte3:00 PM

    Both sides do this.

    ReplyDelete
  42. This is an ongoing theme with Rod where he gets indignant that people are giving attention to people he believes should not have attention, in the same way he can't control his outrage about what some fringe radical feminist wrote 100 years ago. He has an intellectual incuriousity which I consider difficult to understand.

    That said, he banned me for the time I expounded at length about how he basically was a suck up to wealthy people in his desperate search for social validation.

    ReplyDelete
  43. susanoftexas3:02 PM

    And I thought flash floods were the worst thing to happen to a tailpipe.
    My eyes....

    ReplyDelete
  44. coozledad3:03 PM

    You put a potato in the tailpipe, Eustace. A potato!
    Are you deaf, boy?!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Robert William Alexander Jr.3:07 PM

    What is a crupper, anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  46. Emily683:09 PM

    This guy (a Boeing engineer, no less) had sex with a horse in 2005 and it didn't work out so well for him.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enumclaw_horse_sex_case

    ReplyDelete
  47. gocart mozart3:09 PM

    I think Rod Dreher is just beating a dead horse here;

    ReplyDelete
  48. gocart mozart3:10 PM

    Related: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/judge-rules-dead-deer-sex

    "NOVEMBER 22--A Wisconsin man who argued that he could not be prosecuted
    for having sex with a deer because the animal was dead at the time, was
    dealt a legal setback today when a judge rejected a motion seeking
    dismissal of a criminal charge against him. As a result of Circuit Court
    Judge Michael Lucci's ruling, defendant Bryan James Hathaway, 20, will
    have to stand trial for his alleged assault last month of the deer
    carcass. In his ruling (a copy of which you'll find below), Lucci denied
    a November 7 motion
    filed by Hathaway's lawyer, Fredric Anderson, which argued that the
    deer ceased being an animal upon its death (Hathaway, pictured at right,
    allegedly found the carcass in a roadside ditch). Anderson contended
    that a charge of sexual gratification with an animal could not be
    sustained because 'the term 'animal' refers to a living organism, not a
    carcass.' Lucci, however, noted that 'most people understand that an
    animal does not necessarily cease being or qualifying as an animal or
    even being referred to as an animal once it's dead.' He added that the
    'primary focus' of Wisconsin's criminal statute dealing with crimes
    against sexual morality is on 'human behavior and on protecting sexual
    morality in the community, and not necessarily on animal protection.'

    ReplyDelete
  49. susanoftexas3:11 PM

    Rod named his penis after the mob boss in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog?

    ReplyDelete
  50. BigHank533:13 PM

    Well, if you can't harness your enthusiasm, you may as well take the bit between your teeth and run with it.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Just remembered one...

    A truck breaks down on a lonely stretch of Arctic highway. Help finally arrives.

    MECHANIC (opening hood): It looks like you've blown a seal.
    DRIVER: No, it's just frost on my mustache.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Tracy3:14 PM

    I dunno _ I suspect Mr. Ed would've been quite eloquent on the matter.

    ReplyDelete
  53. susanoftexas3:16 PM

    Mr. Ed was a libertarian and therefore the problem was moot. We only saw him chasing fillies, never catching one.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Robert William Alexander Jr.3:18 PM

    The fact is, rural folks look down on animal fucking, and should it get out that you had done such a thing, you will never live it down..It's bad for the livestock. And, yeah, risky...I've had to milk cows, and put my hands inside a cow to turn the calf so it could be born, and it's nasty.. You have to be pretty hard up to eroticize large mammals. I knew two guys with the same name, cousins, growing up; let's call 'em 'Dean Kaylor' and "Chicken Fucking Dean Kaylor', 'cause the latter bragged about abusing fowl, and had to move away as soon as he was old enough..

    ReplyDelete
  55. susanoftexas3:19 PM

    But at times I am tackless.

    ReplyDelete
  56. As gross as that is, at least it was sort of a victimless crime.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Tracy3:21 PM

    Googling "Rod Dreher" "tentacle porn" returns five hits, the first of which is link to a 2012 post by Rod himself.


    I think that hit count needs to be increased.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Well, that butterfly is attractive too, but I wouldn't want to...


    I'm not even going to finish that sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Brother Yam3:25 PM

    I would like to waltz in the sewers with this comment.

    ReplyDelete
  60. susanoftexas3:26 PM

    I'll tap on the pipes and let you know when.

    ReplyDelete
  61. StringOnAStick3:30 PM

    You know, I'd always assumed all zoophile action was male human/female animal (scurrilous lies about Catherine the Great not withstanding); silly me. Having grown up around horses and seen actual horses having actual sex, I almost wonder if Mr. Boeing Engineer just figured out a really exotic and painful way to commit suicide, or perhaps he wasn't quite clear on the, ah, mechanics of the process.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Gromet3:30 PM

    He has an intellectual incuriousity
    Good point. I have no inclination to be sexin' on horses, but I definitely would read an interview with a horse-sexer, because it would help me understand the world and all its lunatics better. How is that a bad thing? I am not canceling out my judgment forever -- I'm just agreeing to listen for a minute. Seems like Jesus himself would be down with a horse-baller's dinner conversation for a minute, maybe even 90 seconds, before holding up a hand and saying "Okay, I think I get it now."

    ReplyDelete
  63. gocart mozart3:34 PM

    Animal Husbandry: "If you like horses so much, why don't you marry one."

    ReplyDelete
  64. smut clyde3:35 PM

    You need to move on from the past, Ern.

    ReplyDelete
  65. susanoftexas3:38 PM

    Next they'll be forcing you to sell Quaker Oats to caterers.

    ReplyDelete
  66. timb1173:38 PM

    Read the article....that's the what the dude says. He has defenders in the comments too, including a Libertarian uberman

    ReplyDelete
  67. smut clyde3:40 PM

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Os6aUImRi8I/TQdaUgtLIRI/AAAAAAAABeo/L3yxQOG4NUA/s1600/sniggers.JPG

    ReplyDelete
  68. Brian Schlosser3:41 PM

    #notallzoophiles

    ReplyDelete
  69. susanoftexas3:42 PM

    Yeah. Nothing can h'alter the past.

    ReplyDelete
  70. gocart mozart3:42 PM

    His lawyers motion to dismiss criminal charges because the law doesn't apply to sex with dead animals. I mean, where do you draw the line: prosecution for sex with a ham sandwich!? The other slippery slope/other white meat argument.



    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/file/can-you-get-dear-dead-deer?page=1

    ReplyDelete
  71. smut clyde3:44 PM

    prosecution for sex with a ham sandwich!?

    I will not be shopping at that delicatessen.

    ReplyDelete
  72. smut clyde3:45 PM

    The very thought withers me.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Did you see the way the livestock was dressed???
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  74. coozledad3:48 PM

    It's a belt that wraps around the tail and runs through a loop of another belt that attaches to the saddle, or the belly strap (on a draft animal). They call it a crupper because it sits on the croup, or what would be the gluteus medius on a human.

    ReplyDelete
  75. susanoftexas3:48 PM

    When Harry's Pastrami Met Sally's Rye.

    ReplyDelete
  76. smut clyde3:50 PM

    Umm, hold the mayonnaise.

    ReplyDelete
  77. StringOnAStick3:50 PM

    I read it, because curiosity, understanding the world's lunatics, etc., plus I figured I'd find some excellent mangoes. I ended up feeling a bit sorry for the guy, and that he's lucky to have an understanding wife, and surprised he doesn't have to restrain his mare in any way. I'd pretty much figured it was going to be some combo of saddle leather and extreme bondage gear fetish, but it wasn't. I think Rod feels cheated by that.

    ReplyDelete
  78. susanoftexas3:53 PM

    Naturally, and I'm glad you mustered up that answer.

    ReplyDelete
  79. gocart mozart3:54 PM

    I love ewe.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Beat me to it. He's rather aptly named, don't you think?

    ReplyDelete
  81. The fact that they really want to commit the latter two acts themselves and they're projecting like mad?BEWOOP-BEWOOP-BEWOOP!

    ReplyDelete
  82. I'm not sure whether that is meant to make them sexier, or is just a biological fact.Why can't it be both?

    ReplyDelete
  83. If your idea is that all consensual sex is goodWell, the "consensual" part is necessary, but I could still consider particular consensual sexual relationships as unhealthy.
    or at least beyond judgmentWhuh? I most definitely do reserve the right to be all judgy. I just don't think that if the "consensual" part is met, I should have the legal authority to meddle or ban.and that sexual desire is its own justificationFor ... ? Having sex with another consenting adult? I suppose it is, within other limits that Dreher wants to pretend can't exist. I might say, "Please stop doing that on my front porch," or "Get out of my son's elementary school," but that's because I'm aware that nuance and context exist, unlike Rod the Strawman Fucker (who is also a character from that '70s classic The Sex Wizard of Oz).

    ReplyDelete
  84. Rod the Strawman Fucker

    Talk about a needle in a haystack!

    ReplyDelete
  85. Yeah, once its internal organs were removed, it was clearly asking for it.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Brian Schlosser4:13 PM

    I will absolutely NOT be having what he's having!

    ReplyDelete
  87. Glock H. Palin, Esq.4:16 PM

    #whinnyback

    ReplyDelete
  88. Brian Schlosser4:18 PM

    MAN BEATS OFF BEAR TO SAVE FRIEND

    ReplyDelete
  89. Mr. Wonderful4:20 PM

    "trying to adopt a match."


    Is that what's on offer at Match.com? Huh.

    ReplyDelete
  90. BG, still irked4:21 PM

    Only idiots and/or disingenuous dickheads would think that "consensual sex" means anything other than between adult humans.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Brian Schlosser4:21 PM

    So. Who wants to commission some DevianTartlet to do a portrait of Rod in his equine fursona?

    ReplyDelete
  92. Robert William Alexander Jr.4:24 PM

    And while out on my walk, it occurred to me that Mr. Dreher is making the equation "gay=bestial" because these 'sins' are closely bracketed in the book of Leviticus, indeed, bestiality is called abomination in the verse right after homosexuality is. "it's right there in the Bible!"... Of course, as others have pointed out, that the authors of the law code found it necessary to ever bring up these sins means they were not unacquainted with them, or they wouldn't be a problem...and having read Rod for some time, I am still unclear as to if is his desire for the Biblical capital punishment to be imposed on bestialists, or gay guys like me..

    ReplyDelete
  93. Isn't it obvious now that the famous pervert Woody Allen was trying to normalize this kind of behavior?Oddly enough, despite being from a classic "farm" state, that film left me with no desire to indulge in zoophilia. On the other hand, it did make me briefly consider applying to NYU.

    ReplyDelete
  94. "You're not really here for the friend rescuing, are you?"

    ReplyDelete
  95. Mr. Wonderful4:27 PM

    Exactly. Being sexier IS a biological fact. At least it is in our house.

    ReplyDelete
  96. swkellogg4:28 PM

    A pony walks into a bar and whispers to the bartender, “Can I have a beer?” The bartender replies, “Sure, but why are you whispering?” The pony answers, “I’m sorry, I've just been repeatedly fucked by Rod Dreher. It seems his sexual preference is not so much a consequence of innate factors and early behavioral influences but rather the result of some dumb argument that is popular among conservative "thinkers".”



    "Oh" said the bartender, "that guy's an asshole".


    "Damn straight" said the pony.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Brian Schlosser4:29 PM

    "I mean, this is the sixth friend this month!"

    ReplyDelete
  98. I had decided not to write about it. But...

    Well, it was your free choice, "ROD", you shitnozzle.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Only idiots and/or disingenuous dickheads

    heh heh, I know you're not going to believe this, but... "ROD"... guess what?

    ReplyDelete
  100. Remember, though, he doesn't understand consent.

    ReplyDelete
  101. smut clyde4:34 PM

    it would help me understand the world and all its lunatics better.
    Rod does not need to learn any more about the human capacity for self-delusion.

    ReplyDelete
  102. He majored in Animal Husbandry, until they caught him at it.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Don't even need the staples, now, they're all so firmly attached to each other...

    ReplyDelete
  104. I'm trying to decide if "Super Sexy Unicorn?" is a query or a statement.

    ReplyDelete
  105. smut clyde4:41 PM

    Mutton dressed as lamb?

    ReplyDelete
  106. Why are there Biblical laws against fucking animals?
    Because there had to be.

    ReplyDelete
  107. And that, old chum, is the real problem.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Smurch4:45 PM

    I'm just a girl who cain't neigh 'no'!

    ReplyDelete
  109. Smurch4:51 PM

    "... I am still unclear as to if it is his desire for the Biblical capital punishment to be imposed on bestialists, or gay guys like me.."


    Oh, I'm sure Mr. Dreher goes both ways.

    ReplyDelete
  110. gocart mozart4:54 PM

    Is that a true story?

    ReplyDelete
  111. Brian Schlosser4:55 PM

    If you think he's mad now, wait til he finds out about Mikey Kaus's hobby

    ReplyDelete
  112. The beast in the affair must be punished as well.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Gromet5:03 PM

    Huh. Cloven hooves and a lion tail. A friend of mine wrote a novel in which the characters find a sort of goat with a horn and long tail. It takes them a minute to figure out it is probably a unicorn and that the legends have gone off course. I guess she researched her stuff! (And what the hell, I've gone this far, so I'll throw her a plug: It is called The Unmapped Lands, by Theresa Couchman, and it is about $4 on the amazons.)

    ReplyDelete
  114. Edited it to "I have never seen anything sexier"?

    ReplyDelete
  115. The first time I remember seeing an erect horse penis was at Sea World about 20-odd years ago, when Anheuser Busch owned the park and kept a team of Clydesdales there. My friend and I had gone up to the barn, where all but one of the horses, Prince, were out. So we started petting the horse's nose through the bars of his stall door, and as we did so, we started to realize that Prince was getting excited. As neither of us had actually seen an erect stallion penis (we'd mostly been around geldings), we just stood there, fascinated. Suddenly, we realized what "hung like a horse" *really* meant.

    And then we heard a family coming up the walk, with at least two little kids. We had a moment of panic, since we weren't sure if we could get out of there in time without being seen, and let's face it, there's not a lot of explaining two young women can do when they are alone in a barn with a horse with a (huge!) erection. Fortunately, Prince took care of things for us and we sort of slunk out the side exit before the family reached the barn.

    All that is to say, I wonder if Mr. Boeing Engineer was also unfamiliar with stallions and their equipment.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Gromet5:07 PM

    I'm going to reserve judgment until I hear what Rafalca has to say.

    ReplyDelete
  117. I mean, I might understand if he'd killed the deer himself, but roadkill? That he found in a ditch?

    ReplyDelete
  118. FlipYrWhig5:09 PM

    "Hey, honey, are you a Lipizzaner? Because as soon as I saw you I just knew I had to get my lips on 'er."

    ReplyDelete
  119. Rod the Strawman Fucker/

    Sounds scratchy.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Oooooh! Hot! And striking, too!

    ReplyDelete
  121. The sooner these guys drop that ridiculous medieval madonna/whore complex, the sooner we can have a legit adult discussion about sexuality, society, and the greater human condition.

    No. We can't. Not with them. Their hangups extend waaaaay beyond the Madonna/whore thing. There are levels of repression and depravity going on that Freud would have needed several lifetimes to document.

    But most of all, its that they really have no concept of what consent means. As Dreher illustrates with mile-wide sky-writing here, "consent" is a slippery thing that can be as meaningless as absence of struggle--or even struggle that's just not effective. That's why women who get raped must secretly enjoy it, why women who wear "provocative" clothing were asking for it, why women who get too drunk deserve what happens, and (most horrifically) why all pregnancies must be carried to term.

    Horses or women, thar ain't no fillie can say no!

    ReplyDelete
  122. I see you're really feeling your oats today!

    ReplyDelete
  123. The gravel adds extra texture.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Matt Jones5:29 PM

    Look, it's not Rod's fault he writes one of these once a year. It's the other condition besides "not allowed within 1000 feet of a stable" that he has to follow to stay out of jail. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  125. bekabot5:29 PM

    Of course the ceremony was legal — the guy wanted to be in a stable relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Robert William Alexander Jr.5:30 PM

    Most of the bears I know are gonna want more than a hand job...

    ReplyDelete
  127. Robert William Alexander Jr.5:31 PM

    Yeah, I think by stoning..

    ReplyDelete
  128. susanoftexas5:37 PM

    Pebbled for your pleasure.

    ReplyDelete
  129. susanoftexas5:37 PM

    That ain't mint jelly.

    ReplyDelete
  130. TGuerrant5:48 PM

    So a furry walks into a zoophy bar one dark and stormy night and neighs...

    ReplyDelete
  131. Geo X5:51 PM

    I read the interview, and I thought it was interesting, and what's more, I thought the guy sounded reasonable. I will readily admit that there is a non-trivial chance that he's actually massively self-delusional, but I wouldn't take it as a foregone conclusion. But EVEN IF I DID, I have to say, given that almost all of us (and that "almost" qualifier may well be unnecessary) are complicit in staggering cruelty to animals on an industrial scale, it seems a bit rich of us to be condemning this guy in particular, and I have to think that we do it mainly because the cruelty that WE'RE involved in doesn't make us instinctively go "ew, gross."

    ReplyDelete
  132. TGuerrant5:58 PM

    Fast forward to 2014... Mississippi! Buzzfeed reports, you decide!

    “It was an adventure to be out there in the country and to see what
    goes on,” Cochran said. “Doing all kinds of indecent things to animals.”

    ReplyDelete
  133. tigrismus5:59 PM

    "Here are 1000 words on why writing about bestiality is worse than bestiality"

    ReplyDelete
  134. Rod is upset that the horse fucker comes across as more sympathetic and level headed than he does.

    ReplyDelete
  135. TGuerrant6:06 PM

    And what of chimps that have learned sign language and convey emotions, preferences, and opinions about, for instance, the size of a banana that way? Just asking for a friend.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Just think, if they chewed their cud, they'd be kosher.

    ReplyDelete
  137. The first rule of bestiality club...

    ReplyDelete
  138. smut clyde6:10 PM

    I am not amewsed.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Alternate take: "Who's looking to score some horse?"

    ReplyDelete
  140. whetstone6:12 PM

    Quick, someone tell Rod about Equus.

    ReplyDelete
  141. TGuerrant6:13 PM

    He's pissed about Charlie Mason, too, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  142. smut clyde6:16 PM

    I had always assumed that the clause in Leviticus about "a man lying with a man as with a woman" meant "stealing all the duvet".

    ReplyDelete
  143. smut clyde6:17 PM

    #stablegate.

    ReplyDelete
  144. Now I'm going to have nightmares.

    ReplyDelete
  145. susanoftexas6:28 PM

    No, it's the sex.

    ReplyDelete
  146. MCSquared6:29 PM

    That's the only thing I remember about it.

    ReplyDelete
  147. ken_lov6:31 PM

    "a guy who fucks horses"


    But only the good-looking ones, as the old joke goes.


    He has better taste than New Zealanders, where men are men and sheep are nervous.

    ReplyDelete
  148. I'm imagining Prince muttering, "I'll be in my stall." just before leaving.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Holy shit you guys are geniuses.

    ReplyDelete
  150. I larfed. But I'm ashamed of myself.

    ReplyDelete
  151. Stop it you people. Stopitstopitstopit.

    ReplyDelete
  152. There are legal accounts of men being accused of bestiality from the earliest Puritan days in this country. It was perfectly well known as a crime.They hadn't even founded New York and guys were tupping the sheep,for fuck's sake (as it were.)

    ReplyDelete
  153. I wondered who was going to remember that one.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Just watched a Bones episode about people who enjoy pretending to be horses and being schooled by their pretend grooms. I guess Rod Dreher has never, in its ten year run, watched that show or we'd never have heard the end of all the free love/bisexuality/general perversity of the characters who are portrayed as happy, healthy, and in committed relationships.

    ReplyDelete
  155. Because they are stuck on a fairly throw-away argument in the equal marriage debate that "two people who love each other" shouldn't be denied the right to marry, that marriage is defined by love. This has put the right wing in such a rage that some phrase attempting to reject the logic of this rather banal point appears, like a spittle flecked piece of gravel, in almost every right wing attack on gay marriage or modern marriage. "Oh if love is what matters why can't I marry my dog! Huh! Huh! betcha never thought of that!"


    They will go a thousand miles to think of things that a person might love--any object or fetish or food or animal--because it keeps them from asking themselves why they are so determined to defend a form of marriage (traditional, sclerotic, arranged, miserable, sexless, joyless, childless, child-ridden) that otherwise has no excuse.


    They sense that the rebuttal to "Adam and Steve lived together for 30 years and would like their love to be solemnized in a marriage" is probably not "Oh yeah? Well my grandparents hated the fuck out of each other for 30 years but you didn't see them running off and having a happier life with someone they really loved. Nosiree bob they did not. They hated each other and they stuck it out. They was traditional like that."

    ReplyDelete
  156. Sure, but you are probably sorry you ate that horsemeat steak at the local hipster joint. Confess.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Somebody call the N_B, I think he'll want to get in on that action. Or doesn't he post here?

    ReplyDelete
  158. Rod the Strawman Fucker You know what? This really explains a lot about Rod.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Hey, if you've got the itch...

    ReplyDelete
  160. ohsopolite7:27 PM

    "It's raining cats and dogs out there--and some of them were HOT!"

    ReplyDelete
  161. More of a LGM'er, I think. Also, it's His Grace, Ned Beaumont, Jr. Or Mister Jr. Or, most formally, AAAAAGH A POLAR BEAR!

    ReplyDelete
  162. Pastrami is sliced. I think I'd have gone with sausage.

    ReplyDelete
  163. To be a bat's a bum thing,
    A silly and a dumb thing,
    But at least a bat is something
    And Rod's not a thing at all

    ReplyDelete
  164. coozledad7:52 PM

    One of the horrifying things I learned as an equine owner is you periodically have to wash their dicks. They develop a crust of smegs that has to be removed, or they can develop an infection and die.
    Back when we had a farrier, he said he always let the ladies do it. but I figured after all those years of practice on myself I'd be a natural.
    A mule dick is fearsome. One of mine has a thing on the end of his pecker that looks like it was flattened in a hydraulic press. Unlike humans, their dick starts to shrink when you start to soap them.

    ReplyDelete
  165. sharculese8:12 PM

    Except when Rod thinks about the King in Yellow he forgets it's 2014 and gets hopping mad about Piss Christ again.

    ReplyDelete
  166. sharculese8:17 PM

    The unicorn lived in a lilac wood, and she lived all alone. She was very old, though she did not know it, and she was no longer the careless color of sea foam, but rather the color of snow falling on a moonlit night. But her eyes were still clear and unwearied, and she still moved like a shadow on the sea.

    She did not look anything like a horned horse, as unicorns are often pictured, being smaller and cloven-hoofed, and possessing that oldest, wildest grace that horses have never had, that deer have only in a shy, thin imitation and goats in dancing mockery. Her neck was long and slender, making her head seem smaller than it was, and the mane that fell almost to the middle of her back was as soft as dandelion fluff and as fine as cirrus. She had pointed ears and thin legs, with feathers of white hair at the ankles; and the long horn above her eyes shone and shivered with its own seashell light even in the deepest midnight. She had killed dragons with it, and healed a king whose poisoned wound would not close, and knocked down ripe chestnuts for bear cubs.




    Pretty much one of my favorite opening to any book ever.

    ReplyDelete
  167. sharculese8:22 PM

    "the whole passage pretty much turned me off Faulkner forever. Yes, I know Faulkner is considered 'literature'..."


    I mean, focusing specifically on the cow fucking is weird, but I don't think this is an unreasonable reaction to The Hamlet. And I fucking love Faulkner.

    ReplyDelete
  168. billcinsd9:10 PM

    but twice on the pipes means the answer is no

    ReplyDelete
  169. davdoodles9:21 PM

    "Annotated Rod "Why Do All These Horses Keep Sucking My Cock?" * Dreher:

    I’m not linking to it because [I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding it after I emphasize that] it is sick, sick stuff. It’s incredibly graphic, and I had decided not to write about it [but somehow I succumbed to an unholy engorgement to write about it at length and girth. The mighty beast of authorship took over me and.... euuurrhhhh ohgodogodohhhhhgoooddddd]."

    /ht The Onion
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,10861/

    ReplyDelete
  170. billcinsd9:33 PM

    is whose turn is it to bring the see 'n say

    ReplyDelete
  171. John E Williams10:21 PM

    I for one would like Mr. Dreher (or anyone versed in Biblical wisdom) to explain THIS. (Warning: graphic seal-on-penguin rape, and I am not kidding)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0evs5MRtD8

    ReplyDelete
  172. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person10:25 PM

    This isn’t even the Village Voice.

    Well, fuck, the Village Voice ain't even the Village Voice any more...

    ReplyDelete
  173. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person10:25 PM

    Rishathra...

    ReplyDelete
  174. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person11:11 PM

    One thing Dreher and his ilk just will never get is the simple fact that it really is a big ol' goofy world...

    ReplyDelete
  175. John E Williams11:14 PM

    Gesundheit

    ReplyDelete
  176. John E Williams11:15 PM

    (Yes I've read RINGWORLD)

    ReplyDelete
  177. AGoodQuestion11:20 PM

    Surely, Rod, you must know that sex with horses is a common right of passage for New Yorkers. Why do you think plans to get rid of the Hansom carriages have stalled? Really, a liberal like de Blasio should have known better.

    ReplyDelete
  178. AGoodQuestion11:22 PM

    Have you been reading my Wilbur/Ed slash fiction?

    ReplyDelete
  179. AGoodQuestion11:32 PM

    If a couple in [same backward location] get a divorce, are they still farm hand and nanny goat?


    Boom! Now it's a bestiality joke.

    ReplyDelete
  180. AGoodQuestion11:43 PM

    You beat me to it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  181. AGoodQuestion11:51 PM

    Wakka wakka.

    ReplyDelete
  182. AGoodQuestion11:57 PM

    If he'd killed the deer himself I'd profile him as a budding serial killer. Of course the roadkill probably gave him myriad diseases.

    ReplyDelete
  183. Tehanu12:17 AM

    A guy wants to join a tribe out in the wilderness that has a reputation of being really tough. The headman tells him, "You have to do 3 things if you want to join us: first, drink a pint of raw vodka; then go out in the woods and kill a bear; then come back and make love to the ugliest girl in the village." OK, the guy says. He swigs down the vodka and goes off to the woods. A couple of hours later he comes back, bleeding and covered with scratches from head to toe, staggers up to the headman, and yells, "OK, I did it! Now where's this woman I have to kill?"

    ReplyDelete
  184. Hmmm ... pastrami sausage.

    ReplyDelete
  185. Jayson Alan Grigsby12:38 AM

    "The cow sez: 'Hellloooo sailor...'"

    ReplyDelete
  186. Jayson Alan Grigsby12:39 AM

    Yes. It reminds me of people getting up in arms about the youth of today, and how it never used to be like that, and you want to ask them what they think the chaperones were for.

    ReplyDelete
  187. Jayson Alan Grigsby12:40 AM

    You have my unbridled admiration.

    ReplyDelete
  188. billcinsd12:40 AM

    Farmer Dreher sezs, "Moo, Moo, I Love you"

    ReplyDelete
  189. Kiwis? We needn't look farther than Montana.

    ReplyDelete
  190. montag21:05 AM

    "... betrays no awareness that farmers fucking livestock was not invented by
    Faulkner, but is part of the great American agrarian tradition."

    One of the funniest lines I've read in ages.

    And, Dreher seems to have forgotten that the habits of highly rusticated people, regardless of location, are not limited to simply livestock.


    I mean, where does Brother Rod think the expression, "he'd fuck a woodpile if he thought there was a snake in it," comes from, anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  191. John Wesley Hardin1:35 AM

    "Me? I come here because on the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog."

    ReplyDelete
  192. montag22:14 AM

    Hmm. The first time I heard this joke, the driver was George Bush, the timid buddy was Tony Blair and the cow was Kindasleezza Rice.

    Humor is most recyclable of any resource.

    ReplyDelete
  193. davdoodles2:14 AM

    " not limited to simply livestock."

    And ...with bicycles. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7095134.stm

    Slightly serious for a moment, that case made me as angry just now as it did when I first read about it in 2007 - some fuckheads entered the guy's hotel room uninvited, saw him fucking his bike, and he was placed on the sex offender's register.

    Not a horse, not in public, not a goddamned thing wrong with what he was doing, or where. Just "icky" or whatever....

    That shit is all kinds of bullshit, in my humble, perverted opinion. And represents the end of the slippery slope Dreher would force down our throats, if he could arouse the nation's prurience boner as he'd apparently wish.
    .

    ReplyDelete
  194. Geo X2:16 AM

    Well, yeah. The sex makes us instinctively go "ew, gross."

    ReplyDelete
  195. montag22:29 AM

    Talk about "kickin' the stall all night...."

    ReplyDelete