Wednesday, October 22, 2014

WORST FAN FIC EVER:

Richard Fernandez at PJ Media:
And when the papers lionized Bill ever after for doing the ‘right thing’, she probably didn’t understand. That was the saddest part. I wish for sentiment’s sake that Bill had said: “although I have decided not to leave my wife, Hillary, it is I who bears the predominant responsibility for what happened. Leave Monica alone.” Would that he showed as much sand as Edward the VIII, who whatever his faults gave up the throne and took what was coming. “I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility and to discharge my duties as king as I would wish to do without the help and support of the woman I love.”
I liked my Skyler White slash fic better. I'm curious; how is it that a presumably grown man doesn't know  people sometimes have affairs with people who are not necessarily the love of their lives?
But the truth lady, is that he was never worthy even to hold your hand... He had his chance on the Pelennor Field and left you to the Nazgul.
OK, never mind, I get it now.

218 comments:

  1. KC45s4:04 PM

    But the truth lady, is that he was never worthy even to hold your hand... He had his chance on the Pelennor Field and left you to the Nazgul.
    I liked this sort of thing better when Led Zeppelin did it.

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  2. DocAmazing4:21 PM

    Would that he showed as much sand as Canute, who would have invited his detractors to follow up on Ms. Lewinsky's excellent work.

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  3. BigHank534:22 PM

    So that's what a paint-huffing shitgoblin* #gamergate troll looks like when he puts on his human mask. Odd how he can't keep the contempt for females from bleeding through.

    *Thank you Chris Kluwe.

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  4. Jay B.4:23 PM

    And when the papers lionized Bill ever after for doing the ‘right thing’, she probably didn’t understand.


    What? I was in my 20s and relatively sentient in the 90s and this couldn't be less true if Fernandez tried to lie. Clinton wasn't "lionized" by the papers, they and the GOP became the whiniest, craziest scolds in the whole fucking world for two solid terms -- they came in to Gennifer Flowers and left to the blue dress and never let up. Peggy Noonan and Maureen Dowd still throw Clinton tantrums now and again, just to stay in practice. Joe Lieberman practically tattooed on tears to let his media pals know just how disappointed he was. Lewinsky understood. He was a cad and she was a slut. It was in all the papers.


    That was the saddest part.


    Whenever a right-winger writes this, a crocodile loses the ability to cry.

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  5. tigrismus4:27 PM

    I liked my Skyler White slash fic better.

    Holy Fuck, I like Chick Tracts better.

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  6. Ted the slacker4:27 PM

    Oh ok. Bill was supposed to reconcile with Hillary by first showing he cared about Monica's feelings.

    Wingnut marriage counsellors are the worst.

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  7. Jay B.4:28 PM

    Nazgul.

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  8. Derelict5:03 PM

    He didn’t choose Hillary. He chose that impersonal and ultimately barren thing that people call ambition. You’d best leave him to it.

    Having read what Monica had to say, I marvel at this clodpate's ability to read through her words and see through her veil of tears to what lies in her heart. Or, he's just completely full of shit and projecting like the local drive-in theater.

    If the rightwingers ever get to rewrite history they way they think it should be, there will probably be an entire volume devoted exclusively to Clinton's penis.

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  9. Derelict5:05 PM

    Peggy Noonan and Maureen Dowd still throw Clinton tantrums now and again

    If it weren't for Clinton, I don't think Jay Leno would have had any monologs on The Tonight Show.

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  10. mgmonklewis5:11 PM

    Edward the VIII

    Or, as we say in English, "Edward VIII."

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  11. mgmonklewis5:13 PM

    NEEDS MOAR URUK-HAI

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  12. Jmaharry5:15 PM

    Jay Leno has monologs on the Tonight Show? I'll have to check that out.

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  13. ohsopolite5:34 PM

    OK, it's sad enough to contemplate just how pitiful you'd have to be to write something like this in the privacy of your own mom's basement. But to think that posting it where other people can read it is a good idea....yikes!

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  14. Jmaharry5:39 PM

    I'd like to call special attention to a PJ Media commenter named "Blast from the Past," who sounds like he was just now excavated from Highgate Cemetery to be ensconced, Edwardian diction intact, in a new role as PJM's Sr. Officer of Etiquette, Fancy Talk & Keeper of the Flame. To wit:

    "Professor Tolkien's works are a touchstone in here. [Note: By "in here," he's referring to the "club", by which he means, apparently, the PJM commenting system] First because he drew from the same wells that illuminate our values and second because the old Inkling was, as Dr Johnson noted another man was not, a most Clubbable man. To me the BC really is a virtual club with deep leather chairs and old carpets and a good fireplace. Men in such a place, White's or Boodle's or Dorothy Sayer's Belladonna or in a train going across India, could meet and size up each other's bearing and tie and then with a brief exchange, a reference to a Latin epigram or some Service phrase and say, "I see that you are a gentleman Sir.""

    —or—

    "This club tends to attract educated people who, as educated people have since the traveling bard recited the Iliad for his supper with the local hosts family added to the role of heros, use cultural touchstones."



    This is too wonderful for words. "Blast" has evidently impressed the bejeezus out of his or her fellow commenters, as they've voted two of his Medieval screeds into their "Top Rated Comments" category. If you're at all an aficionado of pretentious, ham-fisted, overly ornate prose and posing, give it a look.

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  15. mommadillo5:48 PM

    The really sad part is this is the same media that allowed Poppy Bush to scold and threaten them into not covering Jennifer Fitzgerald. It's like they were trying to make up for folding to Poppy by being extra-tough on Slick.

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  16. Sounds as if the old what's the diff 'twixt Ayn Rand & Lawd of the Rings line will need to be retired now they've latched on to Tolkien as Relationship Advisor.

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  17. Brian Schlosser5:57 PM

    Ahem! Yes, yes, quite!

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  18. Brian Schlosser5:59 PM

    Cheap joke landing in 3... 2... 1...

    Linda Tripp?

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  19. Maybe the people lionizing Clinton were the same ones that, per Fernandez, "used [Lewinski] as a firewall against the president." Making this yet another one of those great "evil liberals keep putting innocent people in positions where they know we'll attack them" arguments. So much unintentional honesty...

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  20. Brian Schlosser6:05 PM

    Since Bill didn't say that, the Right was forced to spend the next 16+ years making cigar and stain jokes, calling Monica fat and ugly and unfuckable, and generally being grade A panty-sniffers whenever any of the Clinton did anything. Clearly, that is all Bill's fault, the unsentimental rake.

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  21. Jaime Oria6:17 PM

    That train crossing India needs moar rebellious Sepoys.

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  22. Jaime Oria6:20 PM

    And Breit-BART! And the eeeeeee-vuhl wooaaaan -
    Crept up and slip't away with heher-er-hehr-er...

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  23. Spaghetti Lee6:48 PM

    He does realize that in this analogy the Republicans are the Nazgul, right?

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  24. Jay B.6:59 PM

    "There are some men who talk like they either have a wedgie or deserve one." — Abraham Lincoln, speaking to the Pennsylvania Legislature, 1862

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  25. tigrismus7:08 PM

    First because he drew from the same wells that illuminate our values

    See, they're lightwells.

    Also too: Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo, what what.

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  26. Magatha7:15 PM

    I always learn good stuff from you, tigrismus, and this time I didn't even have to go to the dreaded Urban Dictionary, just plain ol' google.

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  27. the Republicans are the Nazgul

    Sounds about right to me.

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  28. The Republicans are the Nazgul in pretty much any decent analogy.

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  29. I'd like to club everyone at PJM.

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  30. It's like that video with kittens and The Immigrant Song, except no good music, wingnuts instead of kittehs and not at all enjoyable.

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  31. I wish for sentiment’s sake that Bill had said: “although I have decided not to leave my wife, Hillary, it is I who bears the predominant responsibility for what happened. Leave Monica alone.”I mean, we still would have been vicious misogynist shits to her, and we still would have relentlessly attacked him, but all of it would be done with a patina of sentiment.
    Would that he showed as much sand as Edward the VIII, who whatever his faults gave up the throne and took what was coming.Ah, there's the kernel to be found in the wingnut fuckwit effluvium. If only "Bill" had had the decency to resign, instead of letting us demonstrate so clearly that we were impeaching him under a pretense that was so obviously horseshit.

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  32. Does anyone seriously think that, given the situation. if Clinton had said "Leave Monica alone" anyone would have even considered doing that for even a picosecond?

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  33. Coincidence?

    From the article's "Recommended" list:
    The Hacker Playbook: Practical Guide To Penetration Testing, [Kindle Edition

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  34. How dare you repeat such filth? I'm Furius.

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  35. Fuck me Agnes (again this evening):

    It’s true even if she’s not so beautiful, for in every man worth the
    name lurks a hidden compulsion to ride to the rescue of a damsel in
    distress.


    Hey, I'm sure women everywhere would thank you for the condescension and infantilism, you assclown. I'm sure if this clod were to ride to the aid of a DiD, it'd just be to assault her once she was "safe". Because hurr hurr hurr.

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  36. Wait, I thought rudeness only began in the 1960s when the jungle beat of rock brainwashed us all into communism and hedonism.

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  37. Okay, Ricky, I've given it a quick once review, and I have some minor corrections:

    (1) It's "The Pelennor Fields." If we're going to pretend to be Tolkien nerds, these little details matter.

    (2) It's "Nazgûl." Ditto on the nerdy details, and with computers, correct typography is easy.



    (3) Cut everything else and throw it in a cesspool, where it belongs.

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  38. The whole thing just stinks of "So I spent the entire weekend with Coors and Ranch Doritos watching Lord Of The Rings and now I need to do a column. Oh, wait, women and Bill Clinton, now that's topical!" And so the Empire was forged.

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  39. Joe Lieberman practically tattooed on tears to let his media pals know just how disappointed he was.

    I'm betting it was a big reason Holy Joe finally gave up and went to the Dark Side where he belongs.

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  40. tigrismus7:54 PM

    I see that you are a gentleman Sir.

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  41. GreenEagle7:54 PM

    Here is something I learned as a graduate student at Cambridge, where it was common knowledge: Edward VIII was' like a number of his relatives, of very limited mental capacity, probably due to inbreeding. During his life up to his abdication, he had formed friendships with a number of Germans who were strong Nazi partisans. No one was able to reason with him enough to get him to abandon Nazi sympathies himself. As we now know, these Nazi sympathies continued well into the war, when he passed information about British military arrangements on to the Germans in a manner that would have led to anyone else being executed, but only resulted in his being exiled as "governor" of the Bahamas, where he spent the rest of the war far from the fighting. It is this Nazi sympathy, coupled with his intellectual incapacity that led British leaders to force him to abdicate, not his affair with Wallis Simpson, which was cooked up as a romantic story to cover what really happened.

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  42. Spaghetti Lee8:01 PM

    Wow. I guess Catullus really WAS the first poet who got his bone on: http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03082002

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  43. Gromet8:07 PM

    That joke cost us millions.

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  44. He "saved" her, he owns her. What's so difficult about that?

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  45. Gromet8:13 PM

    So what's the commenting system at alicublog? I don't really like the men-only club idea. How about we be a shitty village fair where we go repeatedly on the Tilt-A-Whirl, then give each other a terrorist fist-bump between heaves of cotton-candy vomit behind the fire truck?

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  46. redoubtagain8:13 PM

    "Blast from the Past" because "Fart from the Shart" was already, of course, taken.

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  47. heaves of cotton-candy vomit

    Does color matter?

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  48. Gromet8:15 PM

    You can do what you want, but I think we're pretty big on style points here.

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  49. We come from the land of the ice and snow
    Where Jonah sharts and our columns blow

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  50. I heaved the last time I was on the Tilt-A-Whirl, which was years ago but still, I think I'm over-qualified.

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  51. Derelict8:18 PM

    I want to put this comment on replay on my iPod shuffle, and then dance around my living room.

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  52. Gromet8:18 PM

    Is Linda Tripp Wormtongue? What's Gingrich, Bombadil? This is confusing.

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  53. Mary Ellen Sandahl8:24 PM

    I don't know about that "clubbable" bit -- from what I've read about Tolkein, he wasn't the clubman type. I can't claim expertise. I've read Dorothy Sayers though, and "Blast" got that wrong: the club she invented for an almost-eponymous novel was the Bellona, not the Belladonna (publ in 1928). (Spoiler here, and it's an enjoyable, smart book, so don't go on if you like solving classic mysteries as you read.)


    At the conclusion, the murderer, who belongs to said club, is invited by one of the senior members to avoid prosecution, disgrace and execution, by writing out a confession and then committing suicide with a pistol in the club library, which he does.



    Maybe that would have satisfied Rodriguez et al.

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  54. gocart mozart8:37 PM

    And you know that tilt-a-whirl down on the south beach drag? I got on it last night and my shirt got caught. And they kept me spinning, babe, didn't think I'd ever get off.

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  55. Derelict8:38 PM

    Gingrich was a character that got dropped due to space constraints: Bombastadil.

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  56. Derelict8:40 PM

    Well, he couldn't really reconcile with Hillary because she's a lesbian. That's why she killed her lover Vince Foster.

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  57. smut clyde8:43 PM

    How unpleasant!

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  58. coozledad8:43 PM

    Sometimes you have to stand in the well of the Senate and shit your pants for gravitas.

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  59. The Nazgul being Ken Starr and the Republican Class of '94.

    Gotta be a Newtgul joke in here somewhere.

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  60. so what bill should of said was, "hillary, let us stay together.

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  61. Would that he showed as much sand as Edward the VIII, who whatever his faults gave up the throne and took what was coming.


    He couldn't find a single Republican who would look good in comparison to either Edward VIII or Bill Clinton.

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  62. Edward VIII was, like a number of his relatives, of very limited mental
    capacity, probably due to inbreeding. During his life up to his
    abdication, he had formed friendships with a number of Germans who were
    strong Nazi partisans.


    In other words, a perfect role model for Conservatives.

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  63. Jaime Oria8:49 PM

    I find these ideas intriguing and hope to discover your little, self-published monograph outlining them (and other no doubt innumerable facts regarding the Windsors' dimwittedness) rolled up and forgotten in the umbrella stand at the Drones' Club...

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  64. coozledad8:51 PM

    Down the hall at four
    I'll throw my shit to interns
    fight the call to eat my weight
    vanilla, I am coming.

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  65. Yeah, why couldn't Bill have followed the example set by that sterling human being - Newt Gingrich?

    It's odd that the same people who want to discuss B. Clinton's activities never mention that Panty Sniffer Pursuivant Gingrich was hounded from office just because his wife was inconsiderate enough to get old and develop cancer and he decided he wanted a younger, cancer-free wife. It is almost like they wish we'd forget it happened, or something.

    Also:

    But the truth lady, is that he was never worthy even to hold your
    hand... He had his chance on the Pelennor Field and left you to the
    Nazgul.

    What the fuck? Is this an attempt to get the youth to give a shit about something that happened before they were born?

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  66. I'm not a Clubman type at all... I'm more of a Jamaican Choice type.

    Ever since I've been shaving my head at home, I've felt a need to smell like an old-school barber shop. Maybe it's guilt about not being a job creator.

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  67. Ask your doctor is Bombastadil(tm) (gingrichazide sulfate) is right for you.

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  68. coozledad8:59 PM

    Invited are you to join like-minded souls as we breathe in, with deep delectation, the savory smells, sounds...

    Cue the George C. Scott "Stop it!" vid.

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  69. Derelict8:59 PM

    And for elections lasting more than four months, see your RNC coordinator immediately.

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  70. If it weren't for unintetional honesty I don't think we'd see much from those guys.

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  71. That line used to go untranslated until after the jungle rhythms infected the academy.

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  72. I'd settle for some penurious dacoits.

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  73. Holy shit I think its my Uncle Hugh. The man who ruined our family by marrying into it.

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  74. And Eddie was a Nazi sympathizer. Yeesh.

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  75. You mean his middle name isn't The? /Wingderp

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  76. coozledad9:13 PM

    Did he have a club foot and girl hips?


    You know, I was just joking until I remembered Wilhelm II had a withered arm and anger issues.
    Akhenaten forever.

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  77. SO on the last thread I joked about the wingnuts seceding and naming their new capital "Reagan".

    Only to see this:

    A former speechwriter for Presidents Reagan and Bush hatched his own
    plan to have the South secede from the Union and become a Traditional
    Values country known as "Reagan," until they come up with a better name.

    Okay, I'm scared.

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  78. I get the impression he's one of those people who've seen the movies but have not read the books and don't know there's a difference.

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  79. Yes, its the Bellona Club. Great mystery, one of my faves.

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  80. WHY IS HE PROTECTING HER?? WHAT'S HE TRYING TO HIDE?? WHAT'S SHE TRYING TO HIDE??? IS DIVORCE IMMINENT FOR THE CLINTON'S?? MAYBE SHE'S PREGNAAAAAARGH!!!

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  81. I've been reading Lear today, because I saw it twice this week at a performance by the Globe Theater. And as usual when I'm reading either Dickens or Shakespeare lo and behold it turns out that I really know them through Dorothy Sayer's. "I am the foul fiend flibbertigibbet" is something Peter says to Harriet in Busman's Honeymoon. And its from Lear. Dorothy Sayer's, like Bug's Bunny, introduced a lot of people to high culture in the most painless way imaginable.

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  82. ckc (not kc)9:20 PM

    ...I think it's a perfect name for a Traditional Values country (void where prohibited - some assembly required)

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  83. Reminds me of Boehner showing his caucus the scene from The Town where the remorseless, amoral, psychopath played by Jeremy Renner agrees to do whatever his friend wants in the way of violence. Apparently not understanding that perhaps this wasn't the face of your team that you wanted other people to see.

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  84. FlipYrWhig9:21 PM

    No, no, different people. Edward the Vill, Cruella's husband.

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  85. ckc (not kc)9:39 PM

    ...took what was coming.

    The Duke's allowance was supplemented by government favours and illegal currency trading.

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  86. For now, we have the Starr Report.

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  87. coozledad9:45 PM

    "W.C. Fields Forever" would be a better name, but they don't know they're all doomed alcoholics yet.

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  88. Derelict9:46 PM

    Ah! The favorite fapping material of repressed conservatives everywhere.

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  89. "He's keeper of our sacred tablets!"
    "Yeah, here, have a tablet."

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  90. willf9:49 PM

    I'd settle for some penurious dacoits!" snapped BBB Smith, his sun-darkened skin making his tired eyes seem all the brighter.

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  91. willf9:55 PM

    Upvoted for "Panty Sniffer Pursuivant".

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  92. Are those anything like Vermicious Knids?

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  93. That's me under the roller coaster, smoking a joint with the carnies.

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  94. coozledad9:59 PM

    Fields apparently let Groucho Marx see the contents of his attic, stacked with wooden crates of whiskey.
    "I'll never run out" he said, a couple of years before he died what Roger Ebert called that "sad alcoholic's death". I always thought that was a nice metaphor for the south, hoarding it's various poisons against itself.
    But I'm also a habitual drunk, and envy W.C. Fields on some level.

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  95. Tehanu10:03 PM

    That's Dorothy Sayers' Bellona Club, not Belladonna. Guy can't even get his snark references right.

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  96. Tehanu10:06 PM

    It would satisfy me if Rodriguez et al. followed suit.

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  97. tigrismus10:10 PM

    Then we'll scratch each others' names on our arms with fountain pens.

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  98. Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!

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  99. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before.

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  100. Upvoted for "Panty Sniffer Pursuivant", because it needed to be typed again.

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  101. how is it that a presumably grown man doesn't know people sometimes
    have affairs with people who are not necessarily the love of their
    lives?No less of a conservative paragon than Mark Sanford had to learn this the hard way. No wonder he wasn't welcome in the House Republican Caucus.

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  102. You mean "in the English."

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  103. Now I'm imagining a Lord Peter Wimsey/Dhalgren crossover.

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  104. coozledad11:12 PM

    Orson Bean = merit.

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  105. I liked my Skyler White slash fic better.OH EDROSO NO.

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  106. calling all toasters11:25 PM

    "That was the saddest part."

    What in the name of Ford Madox Ford? Does he imagine that he can be an unreliable narrator for people he's never met? Although I'll willingly admit he could never understand them if he had met them.

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  107. GreenEagle11:49 PM

    well, we can't really expect the King of England to be a progressive, can we?

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  108. calling all toasters11:53 PM

    Is that short for "Chicks with Huge Tracts"?

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  109. John Wesley Hardin12:44 AM

    There's room for all of us.

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  110. John Wesley Hardin12:58 AM

    "But the truth lady," ~ Who is this truth lady? Is it Galadriel? Liv Tyler? Peggy Noonan? It's irresponsible not to speculate when the author doesn't even know how to employ a fucking comma.

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  111. KatWillow1:01 AM

    It was the BELLONA Club, not Belladonna Club.


    I don't think I'd want to belong to a PJ Media Club. Gimme the Belladonna Club any day.

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  112. KatWillow1:04 AM

    I rode on a ferris wheel with a guy I did not like, but apparently the Carny did like him, because he kept the wheel spinning for much longer than customary. And kept stopping it with I and my date at the top. It happens I have an inner ear problem. Jezzuzz. The Worst Date EVER.

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  113. KatWillow1:05 AM

    Ah, you beat me to it. But ya gotta admit "Belladonna Club" sounds interesting. Just don't eat or drink anything there.

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  114. KatWillow1:09 AM

    Er- didn't he abdicate a few years before WWII?

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  115. KatWillow1:12 AM

    I, too, wish Bill HAD resigned and married Monica, while Al Gore became president and all the terrible stuff that happened after the year 2000... was perhaps averted.

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  116. KatWillow1:14 AM

    "took what was coming". A Dukedom and long life of wealth and leisure and admiration?

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  117. KatWillow1:15 AM

    Don't forget "Diaper Dave". Just imagine if Monica had 'diapered' Clinton.... oh god, no, DON'T imagine it. Ewwww.

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  118. Another Kiwi1:20 AM

    For in every dickhead worth the name there lurk undigested cheetos and a hidden compulsion involving Aubergines, palm oil and a Muscovy duck. To ride to taunt a damsel in distress and quoth verily "Sucks to be you! Har har!"

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  119. YNWA405151:26 AM

    I might walk home alone (but my faith in love is still devout).

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  120. Another Kiwi1:31 AM

    The Nine on their Fell-Hoverrounds. Appearing from nowhere and taking all the MacDonald's apple pie they could carry from the drive-thru.

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  121. Remember the joke about the snail witnessing a turtle fight?

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  122. Another Kiwi3:01 AM

    It all happened too fast to see?

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  123. [Flashing lights. Party whistle. Confetti.]

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  124. I gave the jazz trio the night off.

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  125. smut clyde3:21 AM

    Someone is presumably a barrow-wight but there are so many contenders...

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  126. smut clyde3:23 AM

    Was Dorothy Sayers also your gateway to Thomas Beddoes and to the inimitable Kai Lung? If not, why not?

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  127. smut clyde3:23 AM

    Staedler technical pens or it's all off.

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  128. smut clyde3:26 AM

    Where there are dacoits, the scorpions cannot be far away. Because TRADITION.

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  129. smut clyde3:31 AM

    I have dibs on the Wimsey / Wooster crossover fiction (in which Bunter is initiated into the Ganymede Club).

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  130. Always sad when a man dies before his in-laws do.

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  131. smut clyde4:14 AM

    Heraldry titles get weirder and weirder.

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  132. I always think of some poor schmuck pushing a wheelbarrow around, possibly going "Boo!"

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  133. "PREGNAAAAAARGH!!!" deserves an extra up-vote.

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  134. And Victoria &/or Albert & their progeny spread haemophilia through the royal families of Yurp.

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  135. Three.


    And it's Wikiwhatever, but I bet few were sad to see him go, Nazi-symp or not:
    Government ministers were reluctant to send confidential documents and state papers to Fort Belvedere because it was clear that Edward was paying little attention to them and there was a lack of confidence in his discretion in constitutional and political matters. It was feared that Simpson and other house guests might see state papers and that confidential information in them might be improperly or inadvertently disclosed in ways that could be detrimental to the country's national interests.

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  136. Gabriel Ratchet5:23 AM

    Oh, for fuck's sake. This sort of pomposity-on-stilts may be the single most irritating aspect of wingnut "writing" -- almost worse than the ideas it's typically used to express. If, as the saying goes, Newt Gingrich is a stupid person's idea of an intellectual, this wanker's extrusions are an illiterate's idea of good writing

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  137. Gabriel Ratchet5:27 AM

    Sexual intercourse began
    In nineteen sixty-three
    (which was rather late for me) -
    Between the end of the Chatterley ban
    And the Beatles' first LP.

    Up to then there'd only been
    A sort of bargaining,
    A wrangle for the ring,
    A shame that started at sixteen
    And spread to everything.

    Then all at once the quarrel sank:
    Everyone felt the same,
    And every life became
    A brilliant breaking of the bank,
    A quite unlosable game.

    So life was never better than
    In nineteen sixty-three
    (Though just too late for me) -
    Between the end of the Chatterley ban
    And the Beatles' first LP.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Jayson Alan Grigsby5:41 AM

    I come for the gypsy scarves and platform boots.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Jaime Oria5:57 AM

    And the cockatoo! Don't forget the cockatoo!

    ReplyDelete
  140. Jaime Oria6:05 AM

    Having your life story dramatized in a film directed by Madonna (rated13 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes!) might be punishment enough (posthumous punishment, 'tis true).

    ReplyDelete
  141. Jaime Oria6:06 AM

    There's been a Knight of the Garter for a long, long time.

    ReplyDelete
  142. For a split second I thought you mean Edward, because I'm all earyoudite and stuff.

    Why twice in one week? Do you know someone in the play?

    ReplyDelete
  143. OT: After the never-ending fuckfest Jackson has made of the book, everyone who ever laughed at the cartoon version owes Messrs. Rankin and Bass many profuse apologies.

    ReplyDelete
  144. On y soit qui a malodorous pants.

    ReplyDelete
  145. smut clyde7:59 AM

    L. H. PUTTGRASS SIGNING OFF AND HEADING FOR THE ORDER OF THE BATH!

    ReplyDelete
  146. I'm also a fan of Lucky Tiger...IYKWIMAITYD.

    ReplyDelete
  147. OK sorry, this is really annoying me. According to Mr. R.
    Lewinsky = Eowyn.
    B. Clinton = Aragorn.
    H. Clinton = Arwen.
    Nazgul = Everyone who attacked ... Lewinsky? Which I guess makes Starr the Witch King.

    So, Eowyn/Lewinsky is the only soldier who can kill The Witch King/Starr but he thinks Aragorn/B. Clinton should have charged up and gotten killed (being disqualified from killing WK/S by reason of being a dude) and then E/L would have had to kill WK/S anyway or stand there and get killed or run away. And no matter what happens, the book grinds to a halt because one of the main characters is dead as a haddock.

    I don't know. It's so fucking stupid I wonder if maybe he is just bothered by the fact that a woman played a pivotal role in the book by killing the second biggest baddie in the book. And not with a hair pin or a rolling pin, a real sword!

    Or maybe he's just a dumbfuck who only read the IMBD notes for the third movie.

    ReplyDelete
  148. mrstilton8:49 AM

    Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo

    Even in ancient Rome, wingnuts were always complaining about liberals shoving things down their throats.

    ReplyDelete
  149. tigrismus8:53 AM

    I have crow quills...

    ReplyDelete
  150. TGuerrant8:57 AM

    And Lucianne, Instigator of Wormtongue, Mother of Radajonahgast?

    ReplyDelete
  151. Adrian8:59 AM

    GOPer's Most Contemplated Topics:


    1996 - 2008 Bill Clinton's penis
    2008 - 2014 Barack Obama Sr.'s penis
    2014 - 2024 Bill Clinton's penis

    ReplyDelete
  152. Helmut Monotreme9:00 AM

    Howzabout some actual thugees right after dinner time?

    ReplyDelete
  153. TGuerrant9:04 AM

    Meanwhile, back at the White House, our anti-colonial fascist gun-taking, riot-causing Kenyan was showing… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkdVpMu1Mjk

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  154. Pym's Publicity9:15 AM

    In Murder Must Advertise, two characters discussing having seen Wimsey mention theat he looked just like Bertie Wooster.

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  155. Helmut Monotreme9:37 AM

    It's funny that he imagines quoting Tolkien in his idealized version of some stuffy club. As if the real members of one of those clubs would have a clue what he was talking about. My guess is that 95% of the members of those clubs stopped reading anything close to literature the exact second the headmasters quit beating the Iliad into them. And Tolkien didn't get to be 'literature' until well after his death which came, luckily for his peace of mind, well before Peter Jackson got anywhere close to the film rights.

    ReplyDelete
  156. Went once with mr aimai and a second time to bring my tenth grader aimai minor and, accidentally, her english teacher who is an adorable new minted shakespeare scholar. It was kind of cool to do it twice and have time to read it through in between. Very stripped down 8 person production with people taking several roles including edmund having to run side to side of the small stage to change costume and play against himself as another charachter.

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  157. My father had a copy of kai lung and i trued reading it in middle school at the same time that i was reading sayers but couldnt make head or tail of it.

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  158. My grandmother burst my youthful romantic image of the abdication by telling me that edward and mrs simpson simply never expected to be forced into the abdication. It was a game of chicken and they lost.

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  159. real talk

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  160. Halloween_Jack10:06 AM

    Let's fixizzle this shizzle:

    But the truth m'lady, is that he was never worthy even to hold your hand...

    ReplyDelete
  161. He was also spared from seeing Ralph Bakshi's animated version, and from Tolkien's point of view, that would have been worse.

    There's an interesting page about the John Boorman version of LOTR that never got made. On that page, Boorman says:

    "Tolkien had sold the film rights, reluctantly, to set up a trust for his grandchildren. He wrote asking me how I intended to make the film. I explained that it would be live-action and he was much relieved. He had a dread that it would be an animation film and was comforted by my reply."

    http://cinetropolis.net/the-great-unmade-john-boormans-the-lord-of-the-rings/
    _______________________________
    (Personally, I rather enjoyed Boorman's movie "Zardoz," which was entertaining in an awful kind of way.)

    ReplyDelete
  162. Halloween_Jack10:10 AM

    They're just all het up to try to recruit the Gamergate crowd as their foot soldiers, and might actually have a chance of sealing the deal if they bothered to do a little homework, but if Jonah Goldberg can get so far without doing a lick of research, why should they?

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  163. TGuerrant10:12 AM

    And worse yet, they yearned hopelessly for resolution during the Obama Administration. Why WON'T that man have an extramarital BJ, dammit. He's made them wait so long...

    ReplyDelete
  164. Halloween_Jack10:12 AM

    The next Breaking Bad spinoff: IFT: The Motion Picture (And We Do Mean Motion)

    ReplyDelete
  165. Halloween_Jack10:16 AM

    Hey, he was king barely long enough to get his face on the money and stamps. That's gotta hurt!

    ReplyDelete
  166. Halloween_Jack10:24 AM

    That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion.

    ReplyDelete
  167. Halloween_Jack10:26 AM

    I'm over by the entrance to the freakshow, petitioning to be admitted as an attraction due to my lifelong awkwardness.

    ReplyDelete
  168. Halloween_Jack10:27 AM

    A nice trick on the guy you didn't like, if you deposited remnants of semi-digested corn dogs into his lap.

    ReplyDelete
  169. Magatha10:28 AM

    I don't understand most of what has been written in this threadlet, but still, somehow I feel like singing a jaunty little toon. You guys do that for me. Well, not for me, but it is a consequence, so thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  170. Halloween_Jack10:29 AM

    No hedgerow ever more bustling.

    ReplyDelete
  171. Ellis_Weiner10:29 AM

    "First because he drew from the same wells that illuminate our values..."


    More proof, as if any were needed, that even in transports of pompous nitwit ecstasy, their first and main goal when discussing art (and entertainment) is political tendentiousness. You're citing Tolkein's works, and the FIRST thing you mention is "our values"? There aren't enough dinner rolls in all of the Drones to throw at this wanker.

    ReplyDelete
  172. There was five seconds there whenthey contemplated hillary's cleavage.

    ReplyDelete
  173. Ellis_Weiner10:31 AM

    Okay, but "Bug's Bunny" was a mobster's moll, no?

    ReplyDelete
  174. Magatha10:33 AM

    OT - I am not real knowledgeable about Shakespeare (I know: duh) but recently I watched Joss Whedon's version of "Much Ado About Nothing" because, well, Joss Whedon, not to mention the glorious Amy Acker, and I loved it and I wonder if you have seen it as well, and did you enjoy it?

    ReplyDelete
  175. Ellis_Weiner10:47 AM

    Followed by six years of contemplating Hillary's "penis."

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  176. RogerAiles10:47 AM

    All that masturbation at public school rendered him mentally feeble, it seems.

    ReplyDelete
  177. Brian Schlosser10:59 AM

    I know! And he's so good at shoving things down throats!

    ReplyDelete
  178. It makes sense to me.


    Here's a man born to privilege who was not actually superior to ordinary people, but inferior due to inbreeding. Such a man would find denial a comfortable state of mind.


    It seems to me that he would be the perfect sort to fall for all that "pure blood" garbage that the Nazis believed.

    ReplyDelete
  179. I loved it. Much more than I even liked the Branaugh version which seemed tediously overwrought. My kid's 8th grade class put on an incredible version of it--but they have an amazing drama teacher--which set it in wartime italy under the fascists (at least aesthetically,the dialogue wasn't changed at all) The teacher's idea was to explore the idea of celebration, revelery, sex, and decadence during a time of war when the war is both everpresent and, in this case, somewhat geographically removed. Its a very cool play and I thought that Whedon really did a fantastic job. What's his name was a great Dogsberry, for example.

    ReplyDelete
  180. Some Photoshop artist needs to get on this right away.

    ReplyDelete
  181. tigrismus11:09 AM

    Well, except for the pen-type tangent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SEkmLVw_UE

    ReplyDelete
  182. Kinda OT, but I saw this over at RationalWiki and knew you guys'd appreciate it:

    Chris Kluwe ✔

    @ChrisWarcraft



    #Gamergate, right now, is literally the KKK saying "Yeah, but, we have bake sales on Saturdays. What hoods?

    ReplyDelete
  183. I think the useful message to spread to Republicans, parents, olde white folks and so forth is "Everywhere I go I hear people saying `This isn't my mother's and father's GOP.'"

    Note that this isn't the flaky political opinion of any suspicious Librul, I.e. you or me. It is the reliable, trustworthy, considered and objective view of "people saying." I.e. normal Murcans.

    -dlj.

    ReplyDelete
  184. Hob,
    Plum on a salver.

    Granny Grammar
    Prune-Faced Grammarian.

    ReplyDelete
  185. which seemed tediously overwrought



    But enough about Michael Keaton.

    ReplyDelete
  186. Newt's owner, the guy who ran Cannon Mills, the textile-industrial base of Georgia's Sixth District, used to go to the opera n New York twice a year, taking Newt with him.

    -dlj.

    ReplyDelete
  187. Jmaharry12:05 PM

    Exactly. General wingnuttery — the paranoia, fear, faux patriotism, racism — has become pretty boring, now that we're six years into the reign of the worst president because he's a Marxist and incompetent and did I say his middle name is Hussein? But this guy manages to tart it up so ornately, and so ineptly, that he makes the old new again. Hilarious.

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  188. "This isn't my mother's and father's GOP"

    But it is, DLJ. It most assuredly is.

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  189. Say what you will of Bashki, but at least he didn't put a fucking dwarf-tossing joke in his version.

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  190. I just read some "in depth" interview with Keaton which made Justin Bieber look deep. Keaton had absolutely nothing of interest to say.

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  191. This could be a fatal error because it isn't like he's misquoting the Bible. I'm annoyed by this and I only re-read the 4 main books on a regular basis with the occasional slog through the Silmarillion. But I can make myself shut up when, during a conversation, people confuse the books and the movies. This places me on the lowest end of the Tolkienmania scale.

    A truly rabid fan, one who has bought all of Chris Tolkien's scavengings and translated all of JRR Tolkien's work into Elvish and Dwarrowish, would be driven to acts of violence by this sort of thing.

    Maybe he'll wind up in a room with a few.

    ReplyDelete
  192. Shut up and tell Kansas what The People are saying in Georgia. Then tell Kentucky what Kansas and Georgia are doing...

    Now then, what's the 2014~2016 for "Martin, Barton and Fish"? (In 2012 Paul Abrams of Huffpost tried on "Ryan, Cantor and Mitch.")

    -dlj.

    ReplyDelete
  193. Jmaharry1:19 PM

    Was that a promise ring? Or a cock ring?

    ReplyDelete
  194. Jmaharry1:24 PM

    Agree on the Branaugh point.

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  195. Jmaharry1:28 PM

    Nice. That would have made up for soiling Monica's blue tunic.

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  196. Jmaharry1:37 PM

    The concept is building momentum. No imaginary, minority-free den outfitted with pretend leather chairs, old rugs and fireplaces for us. As enticing as that sounded.

    ReplyDelete
  197. Jmaharry1:47 PM

    Interesting coincidence: In the wingnut imagination, the clubman on the Clubman label very closely approximates the average job creator, in terms of regal bearing, suave style and modern sophistication.

    ReplyDelete
  198. Jmaharry1:52 PM

    What about the blow?

    ReplyDelete