My favorite so far is -- surprise! -- Jonah Goldberg. I reproduce his post in its entirety:
Good luck, Mr. President
I thought that this was a fine speech, grading against the curve of my expectations. But my expectations were low. The problem for me, and I suspect for others, is that it’s very difficult to see him as anything other than a political creature. It’s obviously the case that he is doing this not because the facts on the ground convinced him he had to do what was necessary to protect America but because the polls and the political climate convinced him he had to plug a hole in the hull of his presidency. I really have no problem with politicians being led by the people, when the people are right. And I think they are here. But I have serious doubts that Obama has any desire to stick it out beyond the moment the American people stop paying attention. I hope I’m wrong.It's perfect in its way, from the title and lede that are shown almost immediately to be disingenuous, to the piss-trickle ending. I'm beginning to think these single-long-paragraph posts of his are dictated to an intern while Goldberg tries to time the microwave so his Cheetos get hot without melting the bag.
The caterwauling of the pants-wetting "slamic terrists pouring over the southern border to kill us in our beds" caucus reached such a crescendo that "somebody had to do something" so...
ReplyDeleteEvidently not something enough. People should call their congressmen and complain.
Shorter Jonah: "While we of the Pundit Corps have succeeded in stampeding the public into a collective pants-wetting, we haven't made Obama do it yet; curses!"
ReplyDeleteFrom my first quick scan of the commentariat, they appear to think Obama shouldn't be trusted because his bloodthirst is insufficiently ostentatious
ReplyDeletePretty much, yeah. Among this set, there's a belief - both out-of-date and more than a little juvenile - that the only way to win a conflict is with a gigantic display of force. Anything short of 100,000 Marines cruising into Baghdad in Bradleys while a PA system blasts "America Fuck Yeah" was going to be a terrible disappointment to them.
A lot of it is optics, clearly, and that's why they're not necessarily satisfied when the US does decide to get involved. Yes, some UAV and a couple of CIA throat-cutters might be more effective against your modern, stateless threat, but if it's not visible then it doesn't make you feel safe, does it? Nope, let's get the tank division out of mothballs, I want to see daddy kick that shit out of that guy.
Oh oh oh look here!!! We have a winner! Former half-term governor of a petrostate plus D list Reality Star!
ReplyDeleteBig means bold, confident, wise assurance from a trustworthy Commander-in-Chief that it shall all be worth it. Charge in, strike hard, get out. Win. — Obama famously claims to despise the “theater” and “optics” of the presidency.
Oh, Jonah, your passive aggressiveness damns with such faint praise.
ReplyDeleteLike I said yesterthread - they probably won't be happy with The Usurper until and unless he breaks out at least the tacnukes.
ReplyDeleteI really have no problem with politicians being led by the people, when the people are right.Oh, fuck you, you totalitarian ass pimple.
ReplyDeleteI had a petrostate problem once! I hadda drink lots and lots of water and take these REALLY big pills...
ReplyDeletewhile Goldberg tries to time the microwave so his Cheetos get hot without melting the bag
ReplyDeleteBTW - no wonder Jonah grades Obama on a curve. I'm sure he had a LOT of experience with that concept during his "education".
ReplyDeleteObama got it right at the speech he gave to a group of supporters while on vacay recently. The only real solution to ISIS and the rest of the ME shitshow is for the regional players to get their act together and work for their countries, not just their own clans/tribes. The obvious conclusion being that ain't gonna happen any time soon thanks to the heady mix of petrodollars and religious extremism.
ReplyDeleteI am looking forward to the end of ME oil, because it will force us into renewables (and maybe not too late - I hope), but also because it will cut off the funding that has let the Saudi's, Qatari', etc. try to buy indulgences with their god by exporting a religious dogma so retrograde that they themselves only give it public lip service while doing as they please behind palace walls.
Doughy (and his friends in pettifoggery), having broadcast far, wide and long the latest iteration of "Nicaraguan tanks could be at the Texas border in three days," now says he thinks the people are right. I'm not sure if he means the American people in general, or the people he knows, but if he thinks the former, there is little doubt that, in one or two Friedman Units, they're going to think they've been hornswoggled again.
ReplyDeleteUnlike 2003, there are quite a few more people wondering what the fuck happened to their houses, are living in their cars, going from decent jobs to minimum-wage burger-flipping or are seeing their twenty-something kids at the dinner table every night, and know that military excursions cost money and will eventually resent being herded into the chute yet again.
That it happens on the eve of the anniversary of 9/11 just incrementally nudges my cynicism further into the exosphere.
Shorter Pantload: "Moar bullhorn!"
ReplyDeletePshaw! As I said, again, yesterthread, all we need to do is elect a Republican in 2016 since wars only actually cost money when there's a Democrat in charge!
ReplyDeleteAnd if the powers that would be if they weren't so incompetent are, as I'm sure, once again incompetent, those twenty-somethings won't be at the dinner table to make Mom and Dad feel bad, after all; they'll be off in the sand making Mom and Dad feel bad.
I'd suggest that Obama demonstrate his "seriousness" by deploying Goldberg and the rest of the 101st Chairborne as boots-on-the-ground, but I'm fairly certain that FAAAAAAAARTs count as chemical warfare.
ReplyDeleteIt’s obviously the case that he is doing this not because the facts on
ReplyDeletethe ground convinced him he had to do what was necessary to protect
AmericaYou know what they say: even a stupid, lazy, worthless asshole is half-right twice a decade. Obama probably isn't doing any of the stuff he announced in his speech in order to protect America, because the facts on the ground have convinced sane, knowledgeable people that there's no meaningful threat to America. But the public are getting whipped up into another hysterical pantswetting frenzy for some completely mysterious reason, so ... we're gonna talk up our airstrikes until the public grow drowsy enough from their latest terrorgasm. After which, Obama the uniquely political politician might well ratchet back the pandering to our bloodlust, and that's something which should never be ratcheted back.
I bet he is really proud of this one.
ReplyDelete"So like, for this one, fake them out by making them think I approve of Obummer and then [snickers] change it so it is like Psyche, Obummer sux! Whew, I'm tired. Go get to work on that and wake me up in 30 - better make that an hour. [Snoooore, faaaaart]"
"Nope, let's get the tank division out of mothballs, I want to see daddy kick that shit out of that guy."
ReplyDeleteHey, there are a lot of military vehicles and equipment in podunk police departments, maybe they can contribute them to the war effort.
"That's not enough, I need a majority."
ReplyDeleteI think that, were I a betting man, that between "Peace in the middle east" and "Jonah and the 101st Chairborne ever doing so much as a single pushup in bootcamp" that Peace would be a better bet.
ReplyDeleteWhy would FDR have denounced Confucianism? The only Confucians involved in that war were the Nationalist Chinese, our nominal allies. I know, I know, exactly, but still.
ReplyDeleteObama uses his mind, real presidents use their gut. And use of the gut - especially the lower portion - is something Joberg knows all about.
ReplyDeleteWell, to be fair, I don't think we got a 'harrumph' outta *that* guy (so he better watch his ass)...
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a magical internet app that transformed all of these Golbergian thought-farts into the statement "IN CASE YOU WEREN'T AWARE, I DON'T LIKE OBAMA", so we could all move along to the really feverish NRO content. The whole, "he's doing the right thing but for the wrong reasons that only I can see" is such an overused pundit trope it must be the default text that comes up when they start a new post.
ReplyDeleteDon't you know, for the past two decades the GOP presidential candidate was just a crew guy setting up the convention stage who accidentally stayed past curtain and just rolled with it.
ReplyDeleteI do not want a gist--nor a whiff or peek or in fact any sensory input--derived from Jonah's nub. Bad enough I have to share a goddamned planet with it.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course, if Obama did act scared or angry or whatever it is they want from him, they'd be saying he's over emotional and a poor leader who doesn't project enough confidence.
ReplyDeleteGive Jonah some credit, he resisted the temptation to compare the current situation to "Transformers 2".
ReplyDeleteAnd indiscernible talent.
ReplyDeleteBut I have serious doubts that Obama has any desire to stick it out beyond the moment the American people stop paying attention
ReplyDeleteShorter: That black guy won't pander to us and--SQUIRREL! CHEETO!!
I think if Islamic State manages to survive and grow, that would a (terrorist, not existential) threat to America and everybody on earth who isn't a ultra Salafist asshole. By the nature of their beliefs they're going to have to come after everybody else eventually after they've slaughtered the heretics and infidels nearby. Whether this new campaign is the right idea, I don't know. But saying "IS should be crushed" is not unreasonable, and saying the powers in the region need to do most of it is definitely right.
ReplyDeleteHe mean when the people are white.
ReplyDeletePolitician has always been a dirty word in America, because lots of people apparently prefer aw-shucks buffoonery to someone who advertises their ability to run the country. Imagine if every time you went to the doctor he started with a spiel about "Now I'm just an average guy, not one of those fancy establishment careerist doctors..."
ReplyDeleteI know you refer to the ex-military materiel by that, but, hell, why not let's send the podunk police departments over there along with all their cool toys.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, brave, lonely pundit
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a fine column. For a child to write and a handpuppet dog to poop on. Get bent, fatty.
It is like a flow chart build by morons who want to go nowhere except straight into Anger Ditch.
ReplyDelete"Demand a Democratic leader do something Republicans want. Does he do it?"
NO: Call him a bad leader because he won't do what will make you happy.
YES: Call him a bad leader because he's just trying to make you happy.
I think if Islamic State manages to survive and grow, that would a (terrorist, not existential) threat to AmericaEh, there's already a line. And given the continuous rash of statements such as
ReplyDelete“I think our enemy stands on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.,” [Rep. Lynn] Westmoreland said to loud applause.
the GOP base are standing at the front of it.
Imagine if every time you went to the doctor he started with a spiel
ReplyDeleteabout "Now I'm just an average guy, not one of those fancy establishment
careerist doctors..."
Given the existence of Paul Broun, Phil Gingrey, and Tom Coburn, we don't have to imagine. (Assuming "average guy" can be taken to mean "benighted anti-science idiot.")
You can always trust a Westmoreland to give an honest evaluation of a war.
ReplyDeletePantload: "Did I hear you right, gentlemen? You want to weaponize me?"
ReplyDeleteI don't think what's happening is very mysterious. The American people were never really tired of war, they were just skeptical of the pansy-ass humanitarian mission that Obama was always talking up. Where as, now with the ISIS videos, it's about revenge, and people are always up for revenge when it's someone else's life getting risked.
ReplyDeleteSo the fact everyone admits that nothing constructive is going to be accomplished with this policy is a feature not a bug.
Wake up, you dumbass, your Cheetos are burning!
ReplyDeleteYeah, Jonah, we need a "strong" president who'll do whatever he damn pleases, and the hell with what our allies or congress or voters think. You know, like your hero and wank-subject Dick Cheney.
ReplyDeleteIt should have been Zen Buddhism.
ReplyDelete.
And if we elect Rand Paul, we'll kill two birds with one stone.
ReplyDeleteHow does that work when there are more powers in the region paying them to fight than there are fighting them?
ReplyDeleteYou know, I try to support the President, I really do. He's been really good on a lot of things, but I will never understand his willingness to cave in fights he's winning. There's no public groundswell for this adventure, unless you define "public" as "a couple of professional liars I met in the Green Room last Sunday". Now we're going to bomb Syria!? Russia's main client-state, and the host of Russia's only naval base in the Med? What could possibly go wrong? It will be kind of funny to watch the general reaction among the Brethren when our Unstoppable Stealth Nintendo Bombers run up against a real air-defense net, and not just starving conscripts, and illiterate goat-herders.
ReplyDeleteIts been six fucking years, Mr. President; past time you should have learned to avoid ploys like this...
Those aren't pizza stains!!!
ReplyDeleteWho said anything about bootcamp? Kick 'em outta a C-130, parachutes optional.
ReplyDeleteAIEEEEEEEEEE
ReplyDeleteYou might be selling him short. By the end of a Paul presidency, I'd expect all the birds to be dead.
ReplyDeleteWhy would FDR have denounced Confucianism?
ReplyDeleteBecause it's primarily Asian, and that would've been close enough for the murderous fuckwits who keep declaring open season on all of Islam?
Of course. Just like they're talking him into doing something that they know very well will accomplish nothing, so that when nothing is accomplished, they can all say, "See, I told you so."
ReplyDeleteWhat really died on 9-11-01 was rationality, and it has shown no signs of ever returning. Now we're stuck with the choice between pants-wetting terror of everyone, including our own fellow citizens if they aren't white enough, and craven hucksters trying to make a quick buck off of same. Makes you proud to be an American, doesn't it?
Jonah has no problem with politicians being led by the people; his problem is with politicians being chosen by the people.
ReplyDeleteObama always does the presidential thing. Unfortunately the presidential thing is to refuse to prosecute bankers and nationalize banks temporarily, refuse to prosecute war criminals, and to use the presidential power he protected to conduct his own bombings. Thus the faint, pungent praise from Mr. Jonah, who feels personally vindicated to see the powerful "do what is right."
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is that even though we will be paying for those actions for the rest of our lives, he's still better than any republican. Between the Jesus Vote, the Stupid Vote and the Koch Klepto Vote, they are suffering a slight crises of competency and morality.
There are good reasons to be skeptical about this war, but I really doubt Assad is going to interdict any aircraft attacking ISIS positions.
ReplyDeleteThe only real solution to ISIS and the rest of the ME shitshow is for the regional players to get their act together and work for their countries,
ReplyDeleteYet when they do this we often overthrow them and install someone else.
ISIS has no way to get anti-air assets themselves?
ReplyDeleteHell, they could probably buy launchers from our good buddies the Saudis.
What ISIS has can only take out very low altitude aircraft, like helicopters. The only fixed wing aircraft of Assad's that they've managed to down was with small-arms fire during take-off.
ReplyDeleteSneaking in a radar guided truck mounted SAM system like a Buk isn't possible, even for their benefactors in the Gulf, and the whole point of B2's is they can't detected by those anyway.
Better yet, let's pack up all the militia assholes with as many guns and as much ammo as they can carry. Wanna show how macho you are with open-carry freedom and a free hand to deal with all the dusky-hued peoples? Go wipe out ISIS and establish the United States of Catbox in Iraq and Syria.
ReplyDeleteI think Goldberg produces his very own, very special type of assteroids.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking MANPADS, but if we're using B-2s, no, you're right.
ReplyDeleteBut aren't we supposed to be doing close air support in all this? That's a risk right there.
Yeah, I was going to say that Goldberg pretty much owns the passive-aggressive asshole category by now, but it's more like passive-emissive. He simply doesn't have the chops to come up with an actual argument, just banal observations.
ReplyDeletebecause lots of people apparently prefer aw-shucks buffoonery to someone who advertises their ability to run the country.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you that, in Florida at least, most of the voters prefer someone who is a professional politician who has a demonstrated, proven track record of buffoonery and ignorance. Back when I did political consulting, I watched in abject horror as the guy I was working with (a Republican who was pretty highly educated) got trounced in the primary by a used-car dealer who could not have found Washington, DC with a GPS and a paid Sherpa. The used-car dealer had completely fucked up his previous office because he did not understand the job, and he was incoherent when speaking in public. But he came across as "jes' folks" who had barely made it out of grade school--and the voters loved him.
"Elect me President of the United States because I despise our government and want to see it destroyed!"
ReplyDeleteAverage GOP voter: "YAY! Go Ted Cruz! Please destroy America to save our libety from trannys!"
All too often, this appears to be the case. We'll only leave that area of the world alone when it no longer has something we depend upon, so maybe never. However, at the rate the Saudi's are pumping and given the rumors that their reserves are in a lot worse shape than commonly known, their utility to the west might be less permanent than currently believed.
ReplyDelete...
ReplyDeleteThe tree of libety must, from time to tim, be washed in the bod of trannys.
ReplyDeleteThe Pugs want to make sure they have their asses covered, so that if ONE guy who fought with IS manages to slip into the country on a U.S. passport and cause some damage or deaths, they can scream like Donald Sutherland at the end of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" that Obama FAILED to protect the homeland!!11!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEStsLJZhzo
Charge in, strike hard, get out. Win
ReplyDeleteWell, it all sounds so simple when she says it that way. I've been overthinking this.
I could believe that if I didn't know that Romney would never have dirtied his hands working on a stage crew.
ReplyDeleteInstead of the key and peele anger translator, we can have a fart translator.
ReplyDeleteIf Jonah has low expectations does that make him a soft bigot?
ReplyDeleteMore from the Alaskan Failure:
ReplyDelete[Obama] sure wasn’t concerned about “optics” when he let the crisis starring
this Islamic death cult reach this point as he dithered and danced and
golfed the time away while the Middle East exploded into chaos.
Yeah, 'cause all this just happened some time around the last couple years and we never did anything over there that might have led to chaos and instability, no way no sir.
Oh for the idyllic days of 2004, where our Leaderer responded to concern about instability and power vacuum in Iraq by taking month-long vacations and calling for Orange Alerts!
Ah, sage words on low expectations from the media's premium beneficiary of low expectations. If Jonah is saying that Obama will probably shift his attention to something else when it's politically expedient, I hope he's right. But I'm not really in the market for presidents with raging hard-ons for war.
ReplyDeleteThis will dent the quantity of our militiamen, although it might help the quality.
ReplyDeleteMoar bullshit too, or does that go without saying?
ReplyDeleteBut I'm not really in the market for presidents with raging hard-ons for war.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, sir, that is all we have in stock at the moment.
We are getting a delivery in on next Wednesday, though, if you'd like to call before you come down.
cf Rob Ford ("mayor" of the largest city in Canada)
ReplyDelete"Politician has always been a dirty word in America, because lots of
ReplyDeletepeople apparently prefer aw-shucks buffoonery" ... but isn't that what politicians do? ... "to someone who advertises
their ability to run the country." And you believe advertising? I'd say someone who advertises his/her ability to run the country should regarded with extreme skepticism. Will he make the trains run on time?
...orbiting a black hole?
ReplyDeleteSorry, Dunc. I forgot that everyone except you is a fascist.
ReplyDeleteDo you imagine we'll be sharing nav data with Syrian SAM crews on the approach? How do you tell ISIS positions from the positions held by Syrian army troops, or the positions of any one of the splinter groups, from a refugee hovel fulla innocent people trying not to die?
ReplyDeleteI think its useful to flip through Jane's Weapons of the World from time to time, myself; don't delude yourselves into thinking it reflects the reality of those weapons once the trigger is pulled.
Ten years. Ten years of hard, bloody education about what happens when you think with your dick, or your adrenal gland, and not your brain. A couple of jihadi head-chop videos & CNN tear-jerkers about the poor refugees (and I think it's great we give a fuck about 'fugees now, I do; too bad we couldn't be arsed about all the ones we created, eh?) and it's 2003 Redux: This Time Without Codpieces!
Fer fuck's sake, people: how many times do you hafta get pounded in the ass before you learn to stop bending over in front of these people?
Then the fun will really start because the wars now are nothing to what we will see.
ReplyDeleteWe might move to renewable resources but we will have to wait for Cheney to die first and that might no longer be medically possible.
Oh, look! Someone dropped a tax cut on the ground! I'd better bend over and pick it up!
ReplyDeleteSo that's what he calls his alone time with his DVD of Sheena, Queen Of The Jungle.
ReplyDeleteKlingons!
ReplyDeleteThe sound of one hand fapping?
ReplyDeleteClearly you're referring to the two-term president that never existed. "George who?" reply Republicans when reminded of those eight years of catastrophe. "Al Gore and Michael Moore hit us on the head in 2001, and that whole time is just a gray fog. Obama is a four-term [illegitimate muslim socialist] president, right?"
ReplyDeleteHe's well on the way. He's already soft-headed.
ReplyDeleteThere is vanity in Obama's statement, "IS should be crushed". What is happening in Iraq is the normal situation created when the US withdraws from a failed war: chaos and empowered fanatics. The fact that we are now re-involving ourselves in this bloodbath -- mostly of our own creation -- is not a good sign. It is only going to prolong the misery of Iraqis and waste our blood and money.
ReplyDeleteI forget - are we supposed to be giving a rat's ass about the Kurds like when Saddam attacked them in the 90s, or are we supposed to be politely ignoring them, like when Turkey attacked them repeatedly in the 90s?
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, it was probably news to Jonah.
ReplyDeleteHopefully not pertinent, but I'm not holding my breath:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTm7TVWZi0E
I wouldn't get my hopes up, though, if I were you. Anti-war presidents went out of production years ago, and even then they were in short supply.
ReplyDeleteIt's like a Woody Guthrie concert where no one makes it out alive.
ReplyDeleteAnd the retaliations have already begun. A neighbor that was at the party was interviewed by ABC, told what happened, and then got his ass fired.
ReplyDeleteWell, they're certainly not scientists...
ReplyDelete"The problem for me, and I suspect for others, is that it’s very difficult to see him as anything other than a political creature."
ReplyDeleteBecause, as we all know, war has nothing to do with politics.