Sunday, January 05, 2014


...Part 2 of my 10 Dumbest Rightblogger Ideas listicle. I know, but it had to be done and I was out of cat pictures.

UPDATE. I was running long, and so much could have been added, particularly from National Review, which seems to have gone in big-time for insane gender-based gibberish lately. There's the outraged report that "[Rachel] Maddow is part of the new matriarchy running NBC News behind the scenes," for example;  Victor Davis Maximus Super Hanson's extremely weird paen to reality-show stars ("A big gut can add gravitas to the moonshiner’s biceps in a way impossible to achieve at the gym"); and David French telling his no doubt receptive readers that liberal males are all pussies "walking on eggshells, dating women and living in cultures that are constantly calling out any kind of behavior subjectively perceived as 'male' or oppressive... liberal men often lack a distinctively masculine purpose." If National Review gets any more butch it'll turn into the Ramrod.

UPDATE 2. In comments, JennOfArk: "Nah. I've seen those guys. If anything, National Review is the Mine Shaft, not the Ramrod."


  1. Formerly_Nom_De_Plume11:05 PM

    I was applying for a newspaper job that I really wanted, and was told that I was perfect for it," sobbed Dreher. "Then they read some of my columns. Then the paper stopped returning my calls."

    Fixed this for him.

  2. AGoodQuestion11:20 PM

    (For more, check Conservative American's "Obama Scandals List" -- they have 2,325. Sample: "Obama Lied About Need to Take on Entitlements 'Quickly!'")
    Every so often they'll hear a phrase like "quality over quantity", but they never give too much thought to what it might mean.

  3. How soon before "Obama uses 'Grecian Formula' to dye hair, therefore Obama tanked the Greek economy" makes the list?

  4. they have 2,325

    Obviously, the fact rightbloggers failed to learn the lesson of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" is an indictment of the public education system.

    A scandal, really.

  5. Sargon11:50 PM

    Taranto also compared Obamacare to Bush's response to Hurricane Katrina -- worse than that, actually: "President Bush didn't push Hurricane Katrina through Congress without a single vote from the other party"

    No, he pushed Hurricane Katrina through New Orleans, all by himself! Pushing and pushing that massive storm system just as hard as he could. It was really tough, even tougher than the toughest brush he had ever cleared at Crawford! That's why he wanted to fly over the city instead of actually visiting it afterwards. To better admire the results of his hard work, see.

  6. Just looking at Ed Driscoll's "Pajama Boy" 'shop had me scratching my glossy pate... the caption is "spayed". Spayed? Is Driscoll implying that "Pajama Boy" was never really a male, but a female who had an ovariectomy, or is this a poorly-veiled racial slur?

  7. JennOfArk12:25 AM

    The ooga-booga is a perennial favorite, and makes the list every year, much like Jackie O did with Mr. Blackstone's annual tally of the best-dressed women in the world.

  8. Budbear1:16 AM

    It's the concatenation of that knucklehead's struggle with literacy and his general discomfort with those sex 'thingies'. Anyway, lashing out is all that matters. No need for coherence.

  9. smut clyde1:19 AM

    Driscoll rejects political soundness. He is willing to call a spayed a spayed.

  10. Budbear1:19 AM

    It's the "Stairway to Heaven" of wingnut argle-bargle.

  11. hellslittlestangel1:58 AM

    I'm impressed with Victor Davis Hanson hating on male sodomy. At last the right wing is learning to respect women.

    Okay, baby, start pegging!

  12. It's okay when Spartans do it... Republicans too.

  13. mommadillo6:12 AM

    I don't have any cat pictures handy, but I did run across this on Facebook, courtesy of my little sister.

  14. I'm not going to read it if it isn't in an LOL cats formula.

  15. Thats pretty good but I was expecting a name generator that transformed names like "Silence Dogood" into teapartyspeak.

  16. Thanks for the memories! Glad you didn't publish this before the new year or I might have chosen to end it all before January 2nd. The links are just as great as the main hits, btw. Loved reading Rush Limbaugh's cri de fesse about how mean the media was to the Republicans during the shut down--why they wouldn't even accept our tweeted fake posed pictures of how we were willing to negotiate as fact!

  17. That poor kid. No matter how sturdy your psyche this kind of relentless, personal, attack on you and your image has got to hurt. I hope he's getting a lot of personal support.

  18. Derelict7:29 AM

    The real wonder here is that Roy has any brain cells left after wading through all this stuff.

  19. Derelict7:33 AM

    60 minutes doesn't cover phony scandals.
    Unless it's a scandal we don't like--like Dubya's National Guard service, or how the oil industry destroys land and lives, or how the tobacco companies are pulling in children, or how global warming is destroying the planet. THOSE are some phony scandals!

  20. MikeJ7:51 AM

    My guess is he doesn't hear any relentless attacks on him. I wouldn't know that anybody in the world had any opinion at all about him if I didn't read Roy.

    Anybody who spends their life listening to crazy people is going to be unhappy. You don't have to have done anything yourself for crazy people to be crazy people.

  21. All I could do was film my hands crumpling up the phone while thinking "they gave that job to someone else. I needed that job."jesse helms white hands advertisement image

  22. Tried to put up a link to Jesse Helms' advertisement "white hands" but couldn't manage it.

  23. Oh, I think people get to hear about what is on the net and the news that has their image and name attached. I don't think you can be protected from it--I know Sandra Fluke wasn't.

  24. To be honest, I suspect word has gotten to him. The brethren may be crazy but they are somewhat influential as well.

  25. Roy, I'm from the LOLcat Government, and I'm here to help.

  26. satch8:57 AM

    Is Lara Logan tool of the librul media trying to make us look bad, or a patriot currently languishing in a black site hellhole for revealing the truth? I sure hope Scared Monkeys (has there ever been a more apt name for a wingnut blog?) or Jammies Media gets on that, because the world needs to KNOW!!!

  27. satch9:16 AM

    Oh, screw these guys. In the runup to the passage of the ACA, the Pugs didn't spend one minute meeting with Dems or offer one idea on how to improve America's health care system, to the point where Dems were negotiating with themselves and pre-emptively giving away their best proposals just to get the Pugs to show up, and now the Pugs are bleating because the ACA was rammed down their throats. Jesus, these people...

  28. glennisw9:17 AM

    And so he took off the costume and waited for his agent to call with the next job.

  29. glennisw9:19 AM

    I like the way they "wonder' with outrage, why the white guy who documented to the camera that he was deliberating assaulting a black victim because the victim was black, as a taunt to law enforcement - was charged with a racial hate crime.

  30. glennisw9:20 AM

    Alternate reading "I was told by my friends that I was perfect for it."

  31. redoubtagain9:22 AM

    Alternate alternate: "I was told by the voices in my head that I was perfect for it."

  32. Liberty Kickapoor?

    America Nohomos?

    Christian Quiverfull?

    Hoveround Bootstrap?

    Immanuel Fondlegun?

    Wicslash Zygotehug?

    Ruhollah Khomeini?

  33. redoubtagain9:24 AM

    Agundahugandkiss Palin

  34. Matt Jones9:25 AM

    You missed the best/worst follow-on to the whole Duck Dynasty thing - turns out ol' Phil believes in pickin' em young:

    Apparently the "traditional marriage" he's so hot to defend involves grown men stalking MIDDLE SCHOOLS looking for future brides...

  35. All I could do was film my hands crumpling up the phone

    And it was my new iPhone, too. Now I really need a job.

  36. satch9:27 AM

    "The time that stands out to me was years ago, when I was applying for a
    newspaper job that I really wanted, and was told that I was perfect for
    it," sobbed Dreher.

    That was just before the interviewer patted Dreher on the head and told him to close the door on his way out.

  37. BigHank539:29 AM

    Rod Dreher doesn't have friends. Have you ever read his personal blog? He's either sucking up to someone and resenting the fact that he has to be a suck-up instead of just having what a white man deserves handed to him, or he's lashing out at someone who's had the temerity to either not give him what he wants or just plain ask him why he thinks he's special.

    Well, he is special. Just not in the way he'd like.

  38. BigHank539:32 AM

    Most fifteen year olds have made it out of the eighth grade. I guess Mr. Robertson likes them both young and dumb. What a skeevy fuck he is.

  39. Well, for the same reason they thought the various "citizen activists" who committed voter fraud should not have been charged with fraud. They are practically doing a public service!

  40. Moomins represent!!

  41. Halloween_Jack10:16 AM

    He seems to alternate between "fake redneck" and "real redneck, in the not-cool way".

  42. Halloween_Jack10:22 AM

    Jesus Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique Christ, is he still whining about that? There's nothing like a hugely overpromoted hack whining about how The Man is keeping him down.

  43. M. Krebs10:32 AM

    Conservatives proudly reject the totalitarianism of kindergarten and grammar school.

  44. Needs moar Obamaphone.

    Black people got called by by the editors on their Obamaphone. I waited all day by my hard earned iPhone.

  45. tinheart10:54 AM

    Rod Dreher would be appalled, as it's clearly a multi-racial LOLcat, that took that job away from a white LOLcat.

  46. I'll "like" anything referencing the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. And especially with Dreher, I'm particularly fond of "Bitch, you don't HAVE a future."

  47. PulletSurprise11:27 AM

    Even the Peter Principle has its limits.

  48. I cant even begin to diagram how crazily self contradictory that vdh essay is. It must be some kind of ritual auto trepanning to placate the dark elder gods of. "Do i contradict myself, very well..."

  49. ...liberal men often lack a distinctively masculine purpose...."

    Yeah, like listening to classical music and writing sissy essays and poetry and traveling to France and learning foreign languages....

    Oh I'm sorry, that describes the Founding Fathers, who were we talking about again?

  50. Mooser12:27 PM

    Because this speech is resolutely meant? Because all the actions of his life show consistency with his speech?
    Remember, there is still one "distinctively masculine" purpose left! It's called "bullshitting".

  51. Mooser12:29 PM

    He went to see and seriously reviewed Scorsese's "The Wolf of Wall Street". I would call that indicative, if not dispositive.
    Or more likely, he's just a lot tougher than me.

  52. edroso12:37 PM

    I now operate entirely on flash memory.

  53. What the hell is a distinctly masculine purpose? Really, what the hell does this even mean?

  54. I finally figured out why Phil isn't as attracted to the male anus as he is to the vagina (note that he didn't say he wasn't attracted to it at all)... the last time Phil had buttsex with a man, Burt Reynolds killed his buddy.

  55. PlotinusGeni

    5 days ago

    "The University system is
    specifically designed to keep people like me and the good 'ole boys from
    even attempting to enter in. In all my years, I've never seen one
    person who shares my values represented in the media, government, or any
    position of power (except those who are self-made and don't have to
    rely on being given safe passage by the elite class) Tragic. I'm in
    rural Kentucky and the state college here is filled with orientals,
    blacks, and increasingly muslims. Meanwhile, I look around and see
    people that look like me increasingly out of work and on the skids. What
    is going on? My folk are under attack."

    My apologies for cut-and-pasting this whole whine, but it's typical of the sludge in the comment section of Hanson's piece. I particularly love the first sentence where he blubbers about the "University system" keepin' him down. If he's referring to the cost of a college education, even at his local State U, then, given the fact that Republicans at both the state and national levels are hell-bent on cutting education funding for poor students, he might have a point, though he could always take Mitt Romney's advice and just borrow the money from his parents. But is there some field he wants to study? Does he need more learning to advance his career? Does he feel he needs to check the values of his prospective fellow students before deigning to apply? No, he appears to simply be happy just to wail about those niggers, chinks, and ragheads taking up all the higher education space that should be reserved for him and his folk. This guy has swallowed hook, line, sinker, and boat the whole concept of wingnut victimhood, and it's tragic, given that this guy shows no interest in actually applying himself to his own self improvement.

  56. tinheart12:54 PM

    General Jack D. Ripper:
    I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.

    Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake:

    General Jack D. Ripper:
    But I... I do deny them my essence.

  57. Since he's an Organizing for America staffer rather than an actor, I don't think he has an agent.

  58. Kickapoor. Christian. Heckdamns, there could have been a "Christiane Amanpour" pun in there, couldn't there? Alas, my fidelity to the truth requires that I leave the original unedited.

  59. Yeah, this. This is so not a case of "Say anything you want about me but just spell my name right." This poor kid is not an actor with an agent or likely to benefit in any way from this hazing. In fact, as far as I understand it, he had to more or less wipe himself from the internet and social media to escape the hounding and personal attacks.

  60. There, there. The judges would have disalowed any puns made from Amanpour since it would have been bilingual and french to boot.

  61. I think he means that no "people like him" come to white people schools and exhort those kids to stay in school and get a college degree. And maybe he's right. Didn't Rand Paul and Mitt Romney both accuse Obama of elitism for sending such an exhortation to public school kids?

  62. satch1:07 PM

    Not to mention Rick "What a SNOB" Santorum.

  63. But ... but, don't wingnuts care about his First Amendment rights?

  64. Derelict1:14 PM

    It also describes David Brooks, Jonah the Fail, and Rush Limbaugh, as well as dozens of other conservative celebs.

  65. M. Krebs1:17 PM

    Something involving a combination of guns, trucks, and football, often pursued while wearing camouflage from Walmart.

  66. OtterQueen1:24 PM

    "They are almost exclusively white, but do not seem to especially worry that they are."

    Fancy that. White males not worrying about being white males.

  67. Ellis_Weiner1:58 PM

    (Or, as I once wrote, "Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. And I do not contradict myself.")

  68. Mooser1:59 PM

    We all have to learn to accept ourselves as we are.

  69. ADHDJ2:03 PM

    Based on the quote I was hoping the VDH thing would be a subtle tribute to Socrates in Xenophon's Symposium. Which is a terrible shame, because it's one of the first and greatest of the "imaginary conversation with a liberal at a dinner party" genre.

    Soc. Can you tell me, then, what need is satisfied by our eyes?
    Crit. Clearly, the need of vision.
    Soc. If so, my eyes are proved at once to be more beautiful than yours.
    Crit. How so?
    Soc. Because yours can only see just straight in front of them, whereas mine are prominent and so projecting, they can see aslant.
    Crit. And amongst all animals, you will tell us that the crab has loveliest eyes? Is that your statement?
    Soc. Decidedly, the creature has. And all the more so, since for strength and toughness its eyes by nature are the best constructed.
    Crit. Well, let that pass. To come to our two noses, which is the more handsome, yours or mine?
    Soc. Mine, I imagine, if, that is, the gods presented us with noses for the sake of smelling. Your nostrils point to earth; but mine are spread out wide and flat, as if to welcome scents from every quarter.
    Crit. But consider, a snubness of the nose, how is that more beautiful than straightness?
    Soc. For this good reason, that a snub nose does not discharge the office of a barrier; it allows the orbs of sight free range of vision: whilst your towering nose looks like an insulting wall of partition to shut off the two eyes.

    As to the mouth (proceeded Critobulus), I give in at once; for, given mouths are made for purposes of biting, you could doubtless bite off a much larger mouthful with your mouth than I with mine.

    Soc. Yes, and you will admit, perhaps, that I can give a softer kiss than you can, thanks to my thick lips.
    Crit. It seems I have an uglier mouth than any ass.

  70. So, does the Duck Dynasty "worry" about being a white male? How would we know? Is the "first rule of white maleness not talking about white maleness?" Because I'm pretty sure the GQ article violated the first rule.

  71. I would like to throw the lees with this comment, after we dip some fish in a sauce together.

  72. Mooser2:08 PM

    I dislike films which involve strong emotions, loud noises, sex and most worst of all, violence. Won't go near 'em.

  73. JennOfArk2:27 PM

    Make 'im squeal lahk a pig, Eustus!

  74. Bigby2:32 PM


  75. JennOfArk2:32 PM

    Yeah, plaints about how The Man is keeping you down tend to look a bit ridiculous coming from The Man.

  76. Gromet2:41 PM

    The David French nitwit links to a book titled Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream. Apparently us guys're goin' Galt! In our basements. I live in Los Angeles where we don't have basements, so if I get married (LADIES) I'm doomed. But for those in basementier towns, here's an excerpt from the book:

    "Men used to go to work, come home and, after a hard day's work providing for their families, they rested, ate dinner, and felt like 'the king of the castle.' Fast forward to today, where the man works all day, comes home to cook or wash dishes, is chided for not doing a good enough job, is relegated to the basement while the wife and kids enjoy the run of the house, and spends the weekends watching the kids with a dirty diaper bag slung across his shoulders or hanging out in a shopping mall holding his wife's purse. He also gets a bunch of pitying stares from the younger men who wonder what has become of him and how they can avoid the same fate. Now, instead of equality in marriage, he can expect to share household tasks, act as unpaid bodyguard and home repairman, pay for most of the bills, help with the kids and, for all his efforts, be denigrated by the wife and society."

    French thinks this nails the decline of civilization. Let's review said decline:

    1) Babies poop.
    2) Dishes get dirty.
    3) Dudes who are 21 have no clue.
    4) I want to be the protector, but also get paid for it.
    5) I'd rather hire someone to handle the spackling and grouting.
    6) Kids need help even on Saturday, Jesus.
    7) Being equal used to mean downing highballs and flipping through LIFE
    Magazine in a wing chair while the wife stirred pots and the only noise children made was the pitter-patter of their little feet, but now it means being equal, godammit.
    8) Home life is not what we were promised via the sitcoms of 1952-1965, which was not a fantastically unique and brief era in human history but the Natural State of Civilization since the era of castles at least.

    It is a pretty solid case! I imagine it feels particularly strong if you got married very young to the wrong person [because of pressure from your conservative religion], had one or two unplanned kids [abetted by righhtwing opposition to sex ed and birth control], and can't make ends meet [because the GOP prevented you from unionizing]. But what do I know, I don't have the gravitas of a beer belly, I shave three times a week, and I drink scotch instead of moonshine, so I'm practically spayed.

  77. smut clyde2:49 PM

    I've never seen one person who shares my values represented in the
    media, government, or any position of power

    You have noticed that your value system is universally linked to failure, in every field of endeavour, including journalism and politics. Do you:
    1. Think about changing those values? Or
    2 Demand affirmative action.

  78. smut clyde2:53 PM

    Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream
    Followed, I imagine, by further complaints at the way that pussified liberal men are getting more than their share of marriage and fatherhood and the American Dream.

  79. Origami_Isopod2:54 PM

    I would be unsurprised if he were being harassed by email, phone, snail-mail, or even in person at his house. Nobody should be expected to "take it in stride."

  80. mortimer20002:55 PM

    A big gut can add gravitas to the moonshiner’s biceps in a way impossible to achieve at the gym.
    Said the privileged, affluent classical studies professor, gentleman raisin farmer, and self-styled rugged intellectual, as he finally achieves a supernatural state of self-parody without even knowing it.

  81. JennOfArk3:04 PM

    If National Review gets any more butch it'll turn into the Ramrod.

    Nah. I've seen those guys. If anything, National Review is the Mine Shaft, not the Ramrod.

  82. JennOfArk3:09 PM

    Also, too, in those halcyon days, Dad was earning more than minimum wage so Mom didn't have to work; she stayed home with the kids and cleaned and cooked. But then Dad decided it was unfair to ask rich people to pay taxes, or wages, or anything else, and started voting Republican, so Mom had to go to work too. Which is why Dad doesn't get to come home in the evening and lay on the couch drinking cocktails and watching TV, because there's work to be done and Mom can't do it all. Hey, dude, you're the one that decided the overarching goal of American democracy should be to help the obscenely rich get obscenely richer; don't come bitching to us now that you have to do the dishes.

  83. Gromet3:09 PM

    Of course. There was another line in the book about how some wussy men learn to parrot the PC line just so they can get laid by today's men-denigrating women.

    It's fun to imagine how conservatives imagine "liberal" first dates. I guess we meet at salad restaurants to talk solemnly about the tyranny of the male gaze until the woman decides we sound sincere enough that we may perform chores for her. What's conservative dating involve? Putting a gun on the table and farting less than is ideal until she's duped? Farting more than usual to test her loyalty? Who knows.

  84. JennOfArk3:10 PM

    Conservative dating starts with a lack of standards on the part of the female.

  85. smut clyde3:17 PM

    some wussy men learn to
    parrot the PC line just so they can get laid by today's men-denigrating

    Strike-breakers! Scabs!

  86. Gromet3:20 PM

    Yes, and: If you reaaaallly want the halcyon one-income lifestyle, go for it. It just means that TV you relax in front is free broadcast only -- no $100 selection of cable channels. No $60 Internet. No cell phone, PC, DVDs or BluRay. One car -- maybe two, but the second is bare bones. Your big vacation is a road trip to a motel near a lake one state over. Your whiskey and beer will be cheap, your dinner menu will include steak once a week and four casseroles -- so on. You need the second income because you want a lot of stuff that didn't exist when one income covered it all, ya big man ya.

  87. Gromet3:22 PM

    "He relegated me to second-class status and it felt like a kiss."

  88. Yeah, "gravitas" in the most fundamental sense of the word.

  89. How can you boycott something that isn't even offered to you?

    Now, that's the real crux of the matter.

  90. DN Nation3:42 PM

    "Now, instead of equality in marriage, he can expect to share household tasks"

    This isn't the definition of equality because...

  91. Sounds like you were at mr. Aimais first date with me. Of course our second date was plan 9 from outer space.

  92. What about movies which involve robots, sexy or otherwise?

  93. You flew to Earth on a flying saucer and started robbing graves?

    Damn, should have put in a spoiler alert.

  94. Front paged! Woo-hoo!

  95. Another Kiwi3:54 PM

    A dolphin with a hard-on? Which brings us back to Peggy Noonan. "DRINK"

  96. smut clyde4:04 PM

    I was going to link to the 'Opus dates Alfie Mushpie' strips from Bloom County, but you all know them anyway.

  97. JennOfArk4:04 PM

    Hey, that's awesome!

  98. smut clyde4:05 PM

    Bela Lugosi / Tor Johansson cosplay is so romantic.

  99. Matt Jones4:06 PM

    "What's conservative dating involve?"

    If ol' Phil is any indication, it apparently starts by cruising by the middle school:

    and then, presumably, picks up with writing her dad a check in the "traditional" Old Testament-sanctioned way.

  100. smut clyde4:09 PM

    Immoral porpoise seeks mynah. Let's cross staid lions together!

  101. mortimer20004:13 PM

    What's conservative dating involve?
    A box of Kleenex underneath the seat,
    A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread--and Me!
    Wondrous fapping in the Parking Lot,
    Parking is Paradise in my SUV!"

  102. BigHank534:14 PM

    You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike.

  103. M. Krebs4:20 PM

    Yeah. They say the hard drive is first to go.

  104. M. Krebs4:35 PM

    Did somebody say "Ramrod?"

  105. M. Krebs4:39 PM

    four-foot-long chain saws,...

    Sheesh, it's always the chainsaws with this guy.

  106. he finally achieves a supernatural state of self-parody without even knowing it

    Stay tuned for the next episode of "Ghost Punter."

  107. You are en fuego today.

  108. smut clyde5:00 PM

    the lesson of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"

    The lesson being that whistle-blowers can disappear under mysterious circumstances and no-one in the Mainstream Media pays any attention because they are all part of the Obama cover-up.

  109. M. Krebs5:08 PM

    What separates the third-rate academic from the second-rate academic is that, when the second-rate academic attempts a humorous yet meaningful essay for a general audience, he recognizes that it's shit and deletes it from the hard drive.

  110. smut clyde5:09 PM

    Did somebody say "Ramrod?"
    I haven't had it on tap for years but apparently Youngs are still brewing it.
    Not as good as Fullers ESB, but what is?

  111. Jay B.6:04 PM

    "Shove this down your throat. Ramrod Famous Ale."

  112. Jay B.6:06 PM

    Thankfully, you can still watch anything with Jennifer Anniston.

  113. Jay B.6:12 PM

    When all a conservative has is a hammer, everything looks like a penis.

  114. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person6:44 PM

    "A big gut can add gravitas to the moonshiner’s biceps in a way impossible to achieve at the gym")

    So, Jackie Gleason shoulda got the part in Terminator, instead of Shwarnenegger.
    "One'o these days, Sarah, POW!, right in the kisser!"
    "Bang, ZOOM! To the Moon, Sarah! to the Moon!"

  115. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person6:55 PM

    I can;t even imagine the level of cluelessness necessary to type that swill. This is what it's like to have literally no shame, kids. Don't let this happen to you...

  116. AGoodQuestion7:03 PM

    Upvoted for two very apt penis euphemisms in a six word sentence.

  117. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person7:09 PM

    Holy crap. It never occurred to me (and my rural Indiana schooling surely would never even hint at it) but, after reading this, and a quick google, Socrates, one of the most prominent of the Old Dead Greeks we love so well, would probably have had to ride in the back of the Great American Experiment's bus. We have indeed *not* come a long way, baby...

  118. realinterrobang7:14 PM

    In 1966, as newlyweds in their early 20s, my parents' combined income was something like $75K in inflation-adjusted 2013 dollars. He was in the Air Force, and she was teaching elementary school. In those days, you could have a fairly nice lifestyle on one income -- you could certainly own a house of your own, and a couple of cars.

    However, thanks to the right wing, all those gains in productivity since then has meant wages have been more or less flat the whole time, and the average family with kids has to put in ~70h per week in paid labour to get by.

  119. Mooser7:19 PM

    Go ahead and contradict yourself! You contain legions!

  120. Flash memory, eh? I can relate. The relatives are still talking about that one Christmas when I revealed my enormous quantity of RAM.

  121. TGuerrant7:24 PM

    He has the hots for Jonah?

  122. M. Krebs7:24 PM

    What? No Wings Hauser fans? Perhaps a link is order, just for the historical record.

  123. TGuerrant7:25 PM

    Maybe he meant "gravid."

  124. TGuerrant7:26 PM

    Archie still wants to be Archie, I guess, but Edith's died. So sad.

  125. Mooser7:27 PM

    That kind of robots I could watch for hours! And a happy ending, and no coke, no tits, no guns. What's not to like.

  126. AGoodQuestion7:27 PM

    Now, instead of equality in marriage, he can expect to share household tasks, act as unpaid bodyguard and home repairman, pay for most of the bills, help with the kids and, for all his efforts, be denigrated by the wife and society.
    French is unclear on the concept of "equality", methinks.

    Christ on a cracker, how is this petty resentment a workable approach to life, much less a worthy political philosophy?

  127. Mooser7:28 PM

    "Thankfully, you can still watch anything with Jennifer Anniston."

    That's good to know.

  128. Another Kiwi7:30 PM

    Very deserved.

  129. Ah, romance. Or as the Bard put it:

    "This gasoline can is nothing like the sun."

  130. Another Kiwi7:39 PM

    Victorianus Derptimus Hansonii would be all over Grecian 200 wouldn't he?

  131. AGoodQuestion7:42 PM

    God I hope no one else at this Starbucks asks me what I was just laughing at.

  132. TGuerrant7:48 PM

    The viciousness infects all feline media. Like the Henri videos? The multi-racial Henri is always referring to his housemate as The White Idiot who is shown begging for cheeseburgers. And we're supposed to just laugh and accept it and not notice we're being trained to be white haters?

  133. Meanwhile, the young, liberal Archie is banging both Betty and Veronica.

  134. The people here think he's sorta special, too.

  135. montag29:47 PM

    Indeed, it's got to be debilitating at times. However, I look at this and last week's column and think, "hmm, is it actually possible that Wm. F. Buckley was a stabilizing influence on the right-wingers? When one tallies up the total import of all these allegations of scandal and wrongdoing, the result hovers right around zero. They could be going after Obama for substantive reasons (it's not like there are none, c'mon), but they know that if they do that, their heroes, once in office, might be hampered by some unwanted precedent they themselves created (certainly, that's why Little Boots got a pass on virtually everything).

    Nevertheless, if that's the case, why on earth have they, instead, resorted to some of the looniest political arguments in recent memory? Is there a contest we don't know about, some reality show in the making, sort of a right-winger political version of America's Funniest Home Videos, where the goofiest argument for Obama's impeachment wins a free trip to Kenya and a thousand dollars to investigate hospital records?

  136. BigHank5310:07 PM

    News flash, sparky: you were in the wrong house. In the wrong town. And that's why that restraining order is still in place, too.

  137. Quintilius Varus10:10 PM

    So *that's* where they got to.

  138. Derelict10:16 PM

    Certainly not Kenya--or anywhere else on the too-dark continent. Probably something more like a weekend in Branson and a $25 gift card for Chik-Fil-A.

  139. montag210:52 PM

    Ah, but can't forget his proviso, in which he seems to be saying that his values are like: "(...those who are self-made and don't have to rely on being given safe passage by the elite class)."

    He's complaining about the state apparently not giving him the opportunity due him, but then says he's just like the self-made. (He offers no examples, so we're at a loss to know who, exactly, he means by that. Charlie Koch, perhaps, who valiantly fought his way to self-made independence with only the $330 million he inherited, along with some creative theft?)

    Ooh, I think he means John Galt.

  140. Yup, sounds like my relatives, all right.

  141. gainsayer3:33 AM

    Season Hubley was their top-billed star? How had I not heard of this before?

  142. mrstilton8:00 AM

    Unfortunately for young liberal Archie, should he be of catholic sexual tastes (and what liberal isn't?!), Kevin Keller, turning out to be all family-values oriented, has gone and got married.

  143. Eh, only in a possible future explored by the revived Life with Archie. The high school version is still available.

  144. Halloween_Jack9:35 AM

    I've never been able to take him seriously because of his name (see also: Savage Steve Holland), but he's been steadily employed, and not always in straight-to-video stuff, either; he was in The Insider, for example. (As "Tobacco Lawyer", but a credit's a credit.)

  145. Halloween_Jack9:37 AM

    Men used to go to work, come home and, after a hard day's work providing for their families, they rested, ate dinner, and felt like 'the king of the castle.'

    And then came Mr. Mom and ruined fucking everything.

  146. Buddy_McCue9:37 AM

    Yep, them's good ol' traditional "family values."

  147. Buddy_McCue9:41 AM

    For such "real men," they sure do whine a lot.

    Not being able to accept change… that's weakness, not strength.

  148. whetstone10:37 AM

    Damn, you're like two decades ahead of Dr. Ole Professer. He's gonna be jealous.

  149. LittlePig11:11 AM

    Trigger! Trigger! *runs away sobbing*

  150. LittlePig11:12 AM

    Not just you, VS, not just you.

  151. edroso11:19 AM

    You don't remember the focus group because we put Manchurian Candidate drugs in your coffee.

  152. M. Krebs11:58 AM

    Seriously is definitely not the way to take him. He's sort of a poor man's Rutger Hauer.

  153. whetstone12:06 PM

    Used to be that a dude could put in eight hours working (over martinis or golf balls) and then come home and do jack shit. Now, the wimptacular American male has to do stuff at home!

  154. Magatha12:11 PM

    Oh, sweetie. Let me give you a hug and wrap you up in this warm, fluffy, delicious lil blanket.

  155. whetstone1:24 PM

    Wow, the David French piece is creepy.

    So when a young boys does what young boys do — play rough, show
    aggression, gravitate towards contact sports and more violent games and
    movies — they are greeted with howls of “No.” No talking. No pushing. No
    running. No fighting. No toy guns. No drawings of tanks and guns. No.
    No. No. Again and again, young boys are shoved into a quiet, more
    relational, submissive box. As the father of an active young teen boy,
    what I’ve seen from other parents — the unbelievable stifling — seems

    Yes, it's cruel to prevent your young boys from showing aggression and fighting.

    Gosh, you might think, being a wussy liberal, encouraging your children to be domineering assholes doesn't seem like it would make them happy. AND YOU'D BE WRONG, WUSSBAG:

    "right wingers report greater happiness and satisfaction than left wingers around the world, and most especially in countries where the overall quality of life is relatively low."

    Conservatives are confused about the unhappiness of white male liberals because white males won! We're literally on top of the world! Why would anyone be unhappy about that?

    Unless they're race and gender traitors:

    To enter the world of academia, for example, is to enter a world of
    social rules and customs that are impossibly complex because propriety
    is always dictated by the subjective feelings of the most traditionally
    powerless person in the room. The language of equality is a mere mask
    for a new hierarchy that explicitly seeks to place the male (especially
    the white male) at the bottom.

    White men worked extremely hard (or forced other people to work extremely hard) in order to get to the top of the hierarchy, and Maddow-whipped liberal submissocrats won't be happy until they destroy the natural hierarchy that the Founding Fathers built with their cocks.

    French gives the game away here:

    Ask most conservative men to define their roles... and they’ll often respond with words like
    “protector” or “provider” — even when they’re married to capable, strong
    women with their own careers. They’re glad for their wife’s success,
    but they view that success as independent of their ultimate

    In sickness and in health, but when you're on the clock, honey, you're on your own.

  156. Silly Roy, those were just Folger's crystals!

  157. Cool, I look forward to his knockoff of Hobo with a Shotgun.

  158. Tehanu10:13 PM

    Yeah, back in the Fifties his wife did nothing all day but hang out drinking coffee and playing mah-jongg with her girlfriends and maybe give the kids some Kool-aid when they got home. It's not like cleaning the house, washing and cleaning up after 4 or 5 kids (the baby boom), and cooking three meals a day was anything like the real "work" done by the manly man at his office, being waited on by secretaries./asshole