Wednesday, November 27, 2013

LOL WTF OMG.

Sometimes all you have to do is quote them or, in the case of Twitchy, Michelle Malkin's alternative-universe Twitter, screencap them:


I will add, though, that it's about time for another Jonah Goldberg essay on how conservatives haz all the intellectual traditions.

UPDATE. Amy Lutz' twitter feed is a gem, too.

UPDATE 2. cleter, in comments: "Wait, is she criticizing Fluke for all the hashtags? Has she ever seen conservative kooks on twitter? With all the #tcot this and #BENGHAZI that? There's hardly room to squeeze in 'President Blacula Sucks!' or 'Hilary Pooped her pantsuit' for all the hashtags."

True, which may lead to the next wave in conservative social media floated by D Johnston: "a short sequence of letters and numbers corresponding to whatever outrage is going around. After more refinement, they will shed text altogether and become a soundboard with nothing but howls of rage." Wait, isn't that The Five?

105 comments:

  1. tigrismus11:43 AM

    Amy Lutz tweets like someone who knows perfectly well that hashtags aren't what one uses to get a specific someone's attention, rather it's the little @ sign, but one who will say anything, no matter how petty and just plain wrong, against a foe. I mean seriously, she's bitching about the turkey pardon? What next, the White House spends money to light a Christmas tree?

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  2. sharculese11:44 AM

    They really are the modest gigantic fucking babies on the entire fucking planet.

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  3. Bethany Spencer11:45 AM

    Yes, using lots of hashtags to call attention to an issue is exactly like being a teenage Biebs fan. #omfgcouldtheirheadsbeanyfurtheruptheirasses

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  4. mortimer200011:46 AM

    I mean, really. Isn't it about time they just call it "Bitchy" and get it over with?

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  5. The Twitchy staff seems to have mistaken Drano for meth again.

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  6. #omfgcouldtheirheadsbeanyfurtheruptheirasses



    Ummm, #yes. Give 'em 5 minutes.

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  7. calling all toasters11:51 AM

    Apparently Malkin & Monkeys cannot cope with the content or formal qualities of Twitter postings by adults or by 14-year-olds. This is because of Twitter's liberal bias. There will soon be Conservatwitter, in which posts are limited to zero characters: posters will simply smear their excrement on their monitors.

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  8. Bethany Spencer11:52 AM

    I’m not sure they’re choosing between the two.

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  9. Bethany Spencer11:53 AM

    I am now trolling her. She picked a bad fuckin’ day to be stupid.

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  10. Apparently, the pardon - a traditional symbolic act carried out by presidents for many years - is a "distraction from the Obamacare death spiral." Well what isn't these days? I'm just waiting for someone to claim that the Chinese no-fly zone in the East China Sea is a distraction from some made-up scandal.


    (Seriously, what are they saying about that? I've been so focused on the fact that the mainstream media are finally covering that story after a fucking year that I never considered how the brethren might spin it)

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  11. bourbaki11:53 AM

    So I'm 30 and have no fucking clue what is going on in this post.
    #shakesfistatcloud

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  12. Please, please Mr. President, call it an FSMmas tree. I can only dream of the splosions!

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  13. waspuppet11:55 AM

    "Amy Lutz' twitter feed is a gem, too."


    Another to add to the list of "Links I wouldn't click on for 5 bucks."


    They really don't think they even need to use, like, nouns and verbs and sentences anymore, do they?

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  14. Some of them are starting to see daylight. #comingouttheotherend

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  15. Bethany Spencer11:56 AM

    I would like to marry this comment. But only after I clean it with a disinfecting wipe.

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  16. You say that like the Twitchy crowd has some line on youth culture. #Twitterdoesthistoyou

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  17. I had an onion on my belt, because that was the fashion.

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  18. One day, conservative blogs will be obsolete. They will be replaced first by a short sequence of letters and numbers corresponding to whatever outrage is going around. After more refinement, they will shed text altogether and become a soundboard with nothing but howls of rage.


    There's money to be made in this. Get in on the ground floor.

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  19. As much as I despise Twitter, I will say this: There is nothing else that so perfectly demonstrates what people are really like. You really get a feel for how petty, bigoted, and just plain silly people can be when there are no filters at all. It's like a window straight into the lizard brain.


    Probably why the Malkinites love it, huh?

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  20. tigrismus12:06 PM

    Dang that Obummer for scheduling Thanksgiving JUST NOW!

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  21. Halloween_Jack12:09 PM

    Not without resorting to impossible topography. #humankleinbottle

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  22. Halloween_Jack12:09 PM

    Well, not "demanded" so much as "feigned enthusiasm for because they totally don't fucking get it."

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  23. Halloween_Jack12:15 PM

    The hilarious thing is that Gape Hatriot's "LOL" is supposedly funny, yet Fluke's proper use of hashtags is taken for creeping Bieberism. I'm not sure what Amy Lutz is supposed to be known for (aside from a me-too wingnut blog), but even for a superannuated mean girl, this is weaksauce.

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  24. JennOfArk12:17 PM

    I've always thought "Tweaker" would be a better name for it.

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  25. She tweets like a 14 year-old girl trying to get Justin Bieber's attention

    Plus her hair is so dumb. And she's not even pretty.

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  26. JennOfArk12:20 PM

    For wingnuts, Festivus lasts ALL YEAR LONG.

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  27. cleter12:28 PM

    Hell, they've been in non-stop AIRING OF THE GRIEVANCES mode since January 2009.

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  28. cleter12:29 PM

    I remember when the ferry to Shelbyville was only a nickel.

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  29. Tybalt12:32 PM

    I absolutely LOVE Jonah just plain running out of steam when he gets to the 60s; he just doesn't have the courage of his convictions to attack the civil rights pioneers, although you can tell he desperately wants to.

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  30. cleter12:37 PM

    Wait, is she criticizing Fluke for all the hashtags? Has she ever seen conservative kooks on twitter? With all the #tcot this and #BENGHAZI that? There's hardly room to squeeze in "President Blacula Sucks!" or "Hilary Pooped her pantsuit" for all the hashtags.

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  31. Bethany Spencer12:45 PM

    shitfitter

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  32. Bethany Spencer12:46 PM

    Just wait until the Feats of Angst.

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  33. I admit that I, not being of the twitterati, have a hard time reading most twitter posts and Fluke's post is certainly quite dull--you have to know all the players to care about the variety of hashtags mentioned. But even so the Justin Bieber/14 year old line is just weird. Who is Fluke supposed to be trying to impress? Antonin Scalia? President Obama? Wouldn't you have to have some Bieber like person to whom you were waving and tweeting to be accused of waving and tweeting and hair tossing like a 14 year old girl (imagined).?

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  34. Is that in July? Because I might not be around.

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  35. Bethany Spencer12:49 PM

    Why? Planning another one of your liberal trips to some godless nation?

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  36. Jeebus, that twitter feed is Thanksgiving miracle of glurge and spite, liberally mixed with self satisfaction and incoherence. Apparently she has some kind of "show" called "Aim Right With Amy." Who will be the first person to explain to her that pointing and shooting in the direction of your own side is not exactly model gun owner behavior? Oh never mind, lets not bother.

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  37. PulletSurprise12:53 PM

    Lutz? #LULZ

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  38. Dr. Hunky Jimpjorps12:54 PM

    Twitchy is a fucking cesspit, even for a conservative blog. Get a tweet shown on Twitchy and you'll be picking @MolonLabe1776s and @PalinMomTX's out of your hair for weeks as they all decide to land some sick burns on you.

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  39. Bethany Spencer12:54 PM

    Hello! Crony capitalism. Probably paying some “green” company to provide power.

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  40. Bethany Spencer12:55 PM

    I would like to give this comment a tender kiss and the big half of the wishbone.

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  41. Does anyone else miss the days when the wingnuts were getting pissed at Obama for asking for Dijon mustard? The way they were so desperately grasping at straws back then was glorious.


    I mean, still all they have are straws (not that there aren't substantive criticisms to be made of the Obama administration, just that wingnuts aren't the ones with the capacity of thought to make them), but they've pretty much settled on a standard, and very repetitive, clutch of straw these days, and it's just not as delightful to watch.

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  42. I'm going somewhere elite with my country club. But keep it quiet.

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  43. Well, I am a relatively active Twitterererer, and I find the hashtags pretty annoying except when they're used sparingly and for good reason (they actually do have a functional purpose, believe it or not!). I almost never use them myself. But I feel like the depth and cultural import of my thoughts demands proper grammar.

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  44. Jay B.1:03 PM

    I admit to being way out of touch with the kids...I'm now wondering what the average 14-year old Bieber fan's take on Obama's geopolitical policy vis a vi the Russians and Iran. Is it part of a grand, overarching strategy to marginalize the influence of Arab peninsula on the greater Middle East, or is it simply an ad hoc alliance for the specific goal of curbing Iran's putative nuclear threat? #hessohot #thegreatgame

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  45. blacula lol #tcot #ImpeachObama #ItsTheWhiteHouseNotTheBlackHouse #NotRacistThough #SecondAmendmentSolutions

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  46. Substance McGravitas1:06 PM

    I don't get what they think is funny about that at all. There's always the possibility that one pointed and the others have to laugh.

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  47. Bethany Spencer1:09 PM

    Hmph. Prolly smearing dijon on your arugula the whole while...

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  48. Jay B.1:10 PM

    To be fair, he runs out of steam on his way to the elevator, so I don't quite blame him for not wanting to tackle an entire decade of liberalism.

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  49. PulletSurprise1:10 PM

    she's bitching about the turkey pardon?

    Republican turkey photo ops are so much more honest...

    http://sixcharacters.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/sarah-palin-turkey.jpg

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  50. Bethany Spencer1:12 PM

    Who is Fluke supposed to be trying to impress? Antonin Scalia?


    Don’t be silly, aimai. Everyone knows the way to impress Scalia is to assassinate Jodi Foster.

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  51. PulletSurprise1:18 PM

    According to her twit feed, she had a bio, but Obamacare didn't let her keep it!


    Looka thar... it's trying to be funny. Aw. Adorbs!


    (Seriously, someone explain this to me. Misspent hours on Alicublog have given me some insight into certain mannerisms amongst the brethren, but what passes for wit in these circles simply evades my ken. Is there a decoder ring?)

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  52. I know its uncool but on re-reading my own post I feel compelled to invite a portmanteau word that combines the two most important wingnut themes: glurge and spite. So its either splurge or glite.

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  53. Is there a decoder ring?


    --Not if you are lucky.

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  54. I think Mark Steyn already went that route.

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  55. glennisw1:22 PM

    This. Exactly.

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  56. redoubt1:25 PM

    posters will simply smear their excrement on their monitors
    How does this differ from current practice again?

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  57. glennisw1:26 PM

    Is that what it is? Reading that is like reading the newsletter of beany-baby collectors, I have no clue what distinctions and details they're paying attention to.

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  58. zencomix1:28 PM

    Remember the good ol' days when a president could drop in on the troops with a plastic turkey? #whatwashisname

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  59. PulletSurprise1:29 PM

    skree.com


    They can have skrits and skreetags and reskree to their hearts' content.

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  60. Lord knows they've already given Hillary Clinton plenty of shit for committing the crime of being female yet not sufficiently attractive.

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  61. glennisw1:30 PM

    Life, apparently, is just a distraction from the "death-spiral of Obamacare."

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  62. Gromet1:33 PM

    I tend to find that the people claiming they are "not ideological" are the most so. Like college professors. And @BarackObama #tcot -- Amy Lutz.

    Just for one minute, Amy, let's accept your premise that all professors in all fields wander the Earth swearing they're not "ideological." I've known lotsa professors and never heard any of them say this (not because they're "ideologues," but because whatever your politics, it's a dumb thing to say) -- but let's accept your premise! Professors ARE all ideologues and they all lie about it! They're awful!

    Now, even given that, who do I want to have a beer with? You, Amy... or Neil deGrasse Tyson?

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  63. PulletSurprise1:34 PM

    Republican turkeys are appropriately, shall we say, "deferential." #EarnThatPardon

    http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2009/01/23/opinion/reuters3.jpg

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  64. redoubt1:34 PM

    "shitfitter" = union job, can be outsourced

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  65. Hmm, I thought you impressed Scalia from assassinating rational thought.

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  66. redoubt1:42 PM

    She's a "college conservative" so i'll just say this: In college, I thought I knew everything, too. Then real life happened.
    (They didn't have Twitter in my day, so someone like that would have spent her time trying to get the fraternities and sororities that weren't all-white kicked off campus.)

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  67. calling all toasters1:47 PM

    Now they smear it on their keyboards. All hail the arrival of touchscreens!

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  68. Gromet1:48 PM

    Splurging can be good, though. "I splurged." Doesn't it mean to spend a little more than you should, on a lark or as a reward to yourself or someone else?


    Glite is good -- it has bite. I'd like to bend the rules a little and nominate splurgle. I like it because it sounds like someone choking on his or her own angry stupidity.

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  69. neoconstantine2:11 PM

    I'm glad you mentioned THE FIVE!!!


    They don't get enough ridicule.


    Please help. Think of the children.

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  70. tigrismus2:12 PM

    she had a bio, but Obamacare didn't let her keep it!

    Looka thar... it's trying to be funny. Aw. Adorbs!



    Thankfully, Obamacare will enable her to receive the humor transplant she so desperately needs.

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  71. Smut Clyde2:19 PM

    I would like to re-tweet this comment, and then delete it in a belated attack of embarrassment.

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  72. Ellis_Weiner2:19 PM

    I want--want? INTEND--to keep this comment in a hermetically-sealed container (probably one of those vacuum-plastic bag things that shrink your wardrobe to a sheet of particle board), because it will be worth a fortune some day.

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  73. Ellis_Weiner2:21 PM

    Too late.

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  74. Smut Clyde2:22 PM

    Yes, but you're also a collective of French mathematicians trying to formalise mathematics in a way that derives everything on set theory.

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  75. Smut Clyde2:23 PM

    Buggrit. Where's the 'Delete' button?!

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  76. Smut Clyde2:25 PM

    Now I want a website where Joseph Beuys explains twitter to a dead hare.

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  77. Smut Clyde2:27 PM

    Republican turkeys are appropriately, shall we say, "deferential."


    In the case of Cheney, multiple deferrals.

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  78. Ellis_Weiner2:31 PM

    So she's the next Julia Gorin? "Funny" AND a woman AND a conservative. Well, as I've said before: You got to have a dream. If you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?

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  79. You have a lot of nerve. Given that "smut clyde" is a found poem from Bulletin 111 of the University of Wisconsin Agricultural Experiment Station, March 1904.

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  80. Jaime Oria3:10 PM

    "Gimme five bees for a quarter" we'd say. Bees was what we called nickels back then. And our ma made lasagna with rice 'cause it was Il Duce what embargoed all the pasta in ought-twelve...

    no, really: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/rice-lasagna/

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  81. glennisw3:20 PM

    She's probably not acquainted with very many college professors.

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  82. glennisw3:21 PM

    Or Palin. She scares the hell out of them.

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  83. Halloween_Jack4:52 PM

    SMUT CLYDE is actually a way-above-top-secret classification level for government documents. There's actually not a lot that's classified at that level, but it includes the password for summoning the mothership when the shit comes down.

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  84. TGuerrant5:37 PM

    Kim du Toit will sue for copyright infringement. But that's a good thing.

    ReplyDelete
  85. josefina6:41 PM

    "Glite" is awfully close to "gleet" -- which might be a feature, not a (gonorrhea) bug.

    ReplyDelete
  86. smut clyde7:23 PM

    It would be nice (I sometimes think) to have a Sensory Assistance Dog to replace my sense of humour.
    "I'm sorry, sir, you can't bring that dog in here."
    "It's OK, she's not a pet; she barks as a way of letting me know that someone told a joke."

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  87. AGoodQuestion7:59 PM

    Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, Janeane Garofalo, Kathleen Sebelius, Joan Walsh...


    You could fill a book with the name of every woman who's been uggoshamed by conservatives, but it's easier to just say "anyone to the left of Mona Charen."

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  88. You are right that splurge is already taken. I like splurgle and we could also nominate spurge or spurgel.

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  89. Jezuz Cherist *and* his mother. I can't be the only person who thinks Fluke is adorable and gorgeous, both, can I? I was blown over by her poise and cute at the Democratic National Convention. As far as I can see she's every liberal mother's dream daughter.

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  90. I thought he and the missus had been lap banded to death.

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  91. Snarki, child of Loki11:55 PM

    "Outrage #34287!!!"

    "Zzzz..."

    "You didn't tell it right"

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  92. cleter12:35 AM

    That's the spirit, son! Why, you'll be an unpaid intern at NRO in no time!

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  93. AngryWarthogBreath4:59 AM

    "Is there a decoder ring?"



    There's an internal translator; it's called several litres of lead-based paint to be ingested as quickly as possible.

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  94. AngryWarthogBreath5:04 AM

    You know when everyone looks real extreme and ideological? When you're dedicated to an extreme ideology. It's like how when the train next to you starts moving, you think you might be heading off, and vice versa. So, Amy, either it's "you" or "all college professors and the President of the United States, voted in by a majority of the voting citizens of the United States, who appears to be a moderate conservative by the standards of the rest of the world" who are crazy extreme ideologues.


    But I respect that you're feeling lucky.

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  95. mgmonklewis9:54 AM

    I humbly ask that this comment allow me to help it thwart Czarist Russia's imperialist ambitions in central Asia. #thegreatgame #thatshot #kipling4evah

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  96. IYKWIMAITYD.

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  97. I would like to clip out this comment, glue it into my My Little Pony notebook, and decorate it with glitter pen hearts. #hessohot #thegreatgame #brony #!/bin/bash

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  98. If you don't have a dream,
    you must be on food stamps. #PaulRyan #Aynsplain #choad

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  99. XeckyGilchrist7:39 PM

    You're not the only one.

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  100. XeckyGilchrist7:40 PM

    They should call it Idder, because it's just the id with ego or superego getting int he way.

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  101. XeckyGilchrist7:40 PM

    Irtnog!

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  102. J Neo Marvin3:18 PM

    I think I have a pretty good understanding of wingnut semiotics, but in this case, I have no idea what the fuck these morons are talking about.

    ReplyDelete
  103. kaydenpat12:07 PM

    Don't give them any ideas!

    ReplyDelete