Though I pride myself on my fratboy sense of humor I have never heard a joke about fetuses before and I think everyone will agree with me they're disgusting farrrrt.
BONUS: Those other networks only show the Zimmerman trial because they hate white people but Fox News is doing it for capitalism alright besides I am a con-no-sewer and I only watch Fox News for the bracing intellectual FÄÄÄRRRR R R R RRT.
This is a fundamental disadvantage that pro-choice activists have in the public debate. Most of the pro-lifers I know...
ReplyDelete...don't care about actual living people. So they cheer for wars, tax cuts, capital punishment, tax cuts, torture, tax cuts, and tax cuts.
~
Fratboy would be the wrong word to use to describe Jonah Goldberg. He graduated from Goucher College, which had formerly been a women's college and certainly had no fraternities when he went. (And still doesn't.)
ReplyDeleteTrying to imagine DP in a frat and it's not working. The closest I can get to is Flounder in Animal House, when the Delta house gets to his slide and the projector displays that dumbass look on his face, which is greeted with catcalls and thrown beer cans.
Unlike, the movie, the Deltas would never have taken him. "We don't need the dues THAT bad," they would say.
Double Penetration? Nope, don't want to imagine that with the Pantload. And thanks for that image, I will get revenge.
ReplyDeleteFlounder was a legacy admission too, wasn't he? Good call.
ReplyDeleteMost of the pro-lifers I know have the moral imagination to at least understand where pro-choice women are coming from
ReplyDeleteOh sure, "baby-killing sluts" is very morally imaginative.
Jonah was about to read a deadline, so he didn't have time to acquaint himself of po-faced screeches of three decades of anti-choice activists. Sure you say, he could just use a representative example, maybe the lady nominally in charge of the blog where he posts his excretions, but no, he really is that dumb and lazy.
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, Roy didn't say that he was a fratboy, just that he has a fratboy's sense of humor: lazy, recycled material that finds comfort in the pain of the powerless laced with easy pop culture references and cut-rate self-reverential grandeur
ReplyDeleteI've got to admit, Der Pantload complaining about other people's lack of moral imagination is pretty fuckin' funny.
ReplyDeleteDidn't Jonah get the message that the GOP has to find ways to make abortion funny? Do try to keep up, Jonah.
ReplyDeleteOr he could have just read the comments section under an NRO post every now and then. All that talk about how pro-lifers totally understand where the other side is coming from, followed by dozens of variants on "DEMOCRATS ARE BABY KILLERS! THEY LIKE KILLING BABIES!"
ReplyDeleteThanks again for that, Rich Lowry. I'd always wondered if your readers are assholes, and now there's really no question.
"Hoes before embryos" is a little weak, imo, but "can't defetus" is A+ punsmanship.
ReplyDeleteI haven’t been to too many pro-life protests, so maybe I’ve missed the signs belittling pregnant women who want to have an abortion. But something tells me that if such signs existed, MSNBC & Co. would hype them relentlessly.
ReplyDeleteEvery word of this is classic Goldbergian Furzmusik, but I particularly like his imaginary sign belittling pregnant women who want to have an abortion as being at all comparable to "Republicans can not defetus," the actual joke here and a fucking pun no less. As usual, it's his complete inability to ever make a sensible adult argument that makes him the eternal frat boy.
In spite of his belief that Trayvon Martin's murder is just an excuse for liberals to "play the race card," it's nice to see Jonah defend Fox's full-time coverage of the Zimmerman trial with the argument that it's not Fox's fault too much was made of this case in the first place. That's our frat-boy rhetorician!
If anti-choicers aren't making witty signs it's mostly because they're just holding up Bible citations nobody recognizes or doing, weird, symbolic shit that just confuses normal people like the tape over the mouths thing.
ReplyDeleteHey, Jonah, why do you think clinic escort is a thing we have to have in the pro-choice community? Hint: it's not because women seeking abortions are overwhelmed by all the good vibes from the protesters outside.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the "super-classy" photos of aborted fetuses.
ReplyDeleteI've maintained a facebook page for a pro-choice group and every so often you log in to find some asshole is posting aborted fetus pictures on your wall. They really are the kindest, most gentle people you will ever meet.
ReplyDeleteIt's so common I find it hard to believe Jonah is clueless enough as to be totally unaware of them. Wait, this is Jonah so yeah, it's possible.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I always thought that about Eric Rudolph. Kind, gentle, psychotically fundamentalist with a fetish for explosives. And he was the outdoorsy type, too.
ReplyDeleteWhat's not to like?
You might also mention that the bulletproof vests the docs have to wear are not fashion accessories, but, then, I think he's confused enough without having that added detail to contend with. With Doughy, intellectual overload is an ever-present threat.
ReplyDeleteIn Kansas, they don't even restrict the dead baby pictures to clinic protests. Pro-lifers will show up at pretty much any public event for which they can get a permit, then hang around front just before the event starts so they can have a captive audience. I've seen them pull that shit at concerts in Wichita - and not for artists with outspoken political views, either, just any act that will have a long, slow-moving line outside of the venue.
ReplyDeleteYeah, real classy.
Jesus, this short post it so larded with bullshit it's almost impressive:
ReplyDeleteEvery pro-lifer I’ve ever talked to has understood that unwanted or unexpected pregnancies can pose a real crisis for women (and men). That’s one
reason pro-lifers invest so much in counseling efforts.
Yeah, pro-lifers invest in counseling because they care. It's just a coincidence that every single "crisis pregnancy center" lies to women in whatever way they possibly can in order to prevent them from choosing an abortion.
I
haven’t been to too many pro-life protests, so maybe I’ve missed the
signs belittling pregnant women who want to have an abortion.
1). Why would a pro-choice sign with a silly pun be the equivalent of a sign belittling someone seeking an abortion.
2). I think all the dead fetus pictures and accusations of being murderous sluts kind of speak for themselves.
Regardless,
when you see these people cheerfully making terrible puns and rhymes
about fetuses and embryos, like it’s all a big joke, it’s hard not to
conclude that they lack a moral imagination of any kind.
Yes, if there's one thing that reveals a person to be an amoral monster, it's puns.
Meanwhile,
these activists trivialize what to most Americans is not trivial. I’m
sure they have their giggles and someone writes them a check.
Guy who gets paid to write terrible propaganda because of who his mommy is tries to devalue the efforts of grassroots activists by implying they are being paid. Rich.
Needs moar "Holocaust"
ReplyDeleteSo a priest a fetus and a rabbi walk into a bar . . .
ReplyDeleteThe reason pro-choicers make jokes is that even in a pro-choice state, the level of demonstrably false bullshit you have to put up with is fucking exhausting. I can't imagine what it's like to work in Texas.
ReplyDeleteAlso, too, I've gotten up on the soapbox in like every Texas thread this past week, but since the part you quoted tees me up again: The idea that Texas pro-choicers are swimming in money would be laughable if it wasn't offensive. It's exactly the opposite. If you plan to give money to help out, don't stop at the politicians, NARAL and Planned Parenthood need your money, too.
" I did not know
ReplyDeleteor realize that FAMU, as it is called, was a traditionally black
college...I regret any offense along those lines I may have
inadvertently caused."
Yeah, because people regularly call the students at Stanford and MIT "monkeys" and "simians."
What's with the umlauts? Is Jonah farting in German now? In which case, I think it should be FUUURRRRTTTZZ.
ReplyDeleteRegardless,when you see these people cheerfully making terrible puns and rhymes about fetuses and embryos, like it’s all a big joke, it’s hard not to conclude that they lack a moral imagination of any kind.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...
“I’ve long been an admirer of, if not a full-fledged subscriber
to, what I call the “Ledeen Doctrine.” I’m not sure my friend Michael
Ledeen will thank me for ascribing authorship to him and he may have
only been semi-serious when he crafted it, but here is the bedrock tenet
of the Ledeen Doctrine in more or less his own words: ‘Every
ten years or so, the United States needs to pick up some small crappy
little country and throw it against the wall, just to show the world we
mean business.’”
And the priest points at the fetus and says "See? ALREADY WALKING."
ReplyDeleteRabbi says, I'll buy you a shrink.
ReplyDelete~
Real reason why the Zimmerman trial irks him:
ReplyDeleteI understand the complaint (I’ve already been bumped from two shows because of it).
He's been bumped from TWO SHOWS, PEOPLE!!! Nothing is more important than him having his fat smug mug (in high-definition for low comedy) plastered all over Rupert's Sewers.
The fetus forgot his wallet so the priest picks up up the wine, rabbi picks up the tip. The fetus says, Cead Mohel Failte.
ReplyDeleteThe priest responds, I didn't even touch you!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I got nuttin.
I think this one was a shart.
ReplyDeleteWhoa.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the difference between Jonah Goldberg and a pile of dead fetuses?
ReplyDeleteWell said. With Jonah, there's also always an undertone of long-suffering weariness, as though his lifelong (sic) career as a thinker has taken a toll on his very spirit. He thinks we think he actually works for a living.
ReplyDeleteOh, I get it. This is how George Zimmerman's lawyer began his opening remarks.
ReplyDeleteFox News Channel. The only network with green rooms stocked with Cheetos.
ReplyDeleteThe Texas Legislature is right now hearing testimony from citizens, they've managed to somehow line up mostly anti-abortion wackos who are in favor of restricting health care for women. Some of the the stories unbelievable, telling horror stories of abortion mills that resemble medeival dungeons where people are treated like cattle and forced to have abortions against their will.. Amazingly, none of these stories ever have any evidence to back them up. I'm always skeptical of horror stories like this, especially if there's no way to verify them.
ReplyDeleteAlso wacky economic theories that somehow all these aborted babies are wrecking our economy. It's a real freakshow.
They're doing a much better job of P.R. this time, and putting on a show for the yokels, and it's going to be over at midnight,, so nobody will catch on that a lot more people were willing to speak against the bill than for it.
Chairman just got called out on the fact that they're letting supporters of the bill testify more than those who oppose it, even though they are outnumbered greatly. He simply ignored the question.
ReplyDeleteIf we have nine or ten million long-term unemployed now, people for whom there simply are no jobs, many of them young and educated, what would the economic picture look like (to use their figures) with fifty million unemployed, with many of those not born in the best of circumstances and likely not well-educated?
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you--it would look like 1932.
So, they can take that economic argument and stick it where it belongs.
Perry may yet succeed in turning Texas into a giant economy-sized version of El Salvador, but not even he--dumb as he is--should mistake that progress.
Funny.... Sad..,to sides of the fake coin of sincerity. Pantload never gave a shit, because he's never had to take one on his own.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention making poor people suffer as much as possible. Funny how most of the supposed christians would have despised Jesus had they been around at that time.
ReplyDeleteThey took Kermit Gosnell as a green light to crank out all the ludicrous abortion mill stories they previously would have shelved. Seriously, the suffering of Pennsylvania women was fucking Christmas for these people.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I assume I liked a comment and it only dawns on me later that I didn't, and I'm like, 'why the fuck not? what is wrong with you?'
ReplyDeleteThis is one of those times.
Lessee...you can't shovel Goldberg with a pitchfork?
ReplyDeleteNo, my bad...that's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead fetuses.
Ok, how about...some people pretend to care that the fetuses are dead, which won't happen when Jonah is?
One is a deplorable squandering of human life and the other is medical waste.
ReplyDeleteThe perfect career path for this lifelong, professional Wannabe...every
ReplyDeletething he has/is/does is a direct result of being the spawn of Republican
Dirty Tricks skank-for-hire Lucianne Goldberg.
No foetus can beat us.
ReplyDelete"Clueless" is way too generous for the D.P.
ReplyDeleteI've always considered him to be among the most dreadful of the "willfully ignorant." For fun & profit.
Heh, "larded." Perfect.
ReplyDeleteKnock, knock.
ReplyDeleteWho's there?
Jonah.
Jonah who?
.
.
.
usw.
thanks for that wonderful information. it is really useful.
ReplyDeleteBrinsley, Dreams
Chiropractic, Weight Loss
When is it not?
ReplyDeleteOrange green rooms... what a concept!
ReplyDeleteI can picture it now... "SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! Foghat and Fetus Photos at the Civic Arena!"
ReplyDeleteYour nuttin is better than most people's sumptin'.
ReplyDeleteI imagine he's hit by that long-suffering weariness every time he climbs the stairs.
ReplyDeleteJonah was about to hit a deadline, so he didn't have time to acquaint
ReplyDeletehimself with the po-faced screeches of three decades of anti-choice
activists
Including such gems as the stories about doctors eating aborted fetuses. Yes, clearly the anti-choicers are the ones with a grip on reality here.
OK, so we start with "Look what this sign said: what a telling commentary on the moral vacuum at the heart of The Left."* If that's the game, obviously we need some equitable rules to determine whose awfulhorrible sayings or signings count for how much. I propose we simply compare like to like. In descending ranking of gotcha-points awarded, we'd have:
ReplyDeleteNational elected officials (James Inhofe, Louie Gohmert, Michelle Bachmann...): 10 mangos for each statement which would make a reasonable, neutral observer fear for the future of the human race.**
Local elected officials (Joe Arapaio, Jodie "Rape kits clean you out" Laubenberg, Larry "Publically hang abortion docs" Pittman...): 9 mangos for each statement
Private citizens (ministers, former cabinet members, former candidates etc.) whose endorsements were solicited or explicitly welcomed by elected officials (James Hagee, John Bolton, Christine O'Donnell...): 8 mangos for each statement.
Speakers at rallies hosted by elected officials (David Barton, John "Statue of Liberty is a demonic idol" Benefiel, C. Peter "Japanese Emperor caused tsunami by fucking sun goddess" Wagner): 7 mangos
TV & radio hosts on whose shows national elected officials have appeared (Rush Limbaugh, Bryan Fischer, Rick Wiles...): 6 mangos
People who have shared a podium (e.g. at CPAC) with national elected officials (Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Pamela Geller...): 5 mangos
Columnists and editors for nationally recognized publications (Peggy Noonan, John Fund, Jonah Goldberg...): 4 mangos
Speakers at large rallies covered on national news: 3 mangos
Bloggers with some national recognition: 2 mangos
Commenters on such blogs, or sign-holders at large rallies: 1 mango
So, Is there any chance that "the left" could begin to compete with the right in this game?
*I was starting to see "the opening gambit is," but that conjured a picture of Jonah playing chess, and I just couldn't get past that image.
** "Reasonable, neutral observer" is limited to those to the left of
any figure named on this list and to the right of those on the hypothetical list of horrible left-wingers.
thanks for giving that information.
ReplyDeleteCommitment, Fontenelle
Fat Loss, Quick Weight Loss
I think you'll agree that "the white male is the Jew of liberal fascism" displays a truly extraordinary moral imagination. A batshit insane moral imagination, true, but he's definitely got . . . something.
ReplyDeleteWhen it's a substanceless blast of rhetoric that ends in a plea for his readers to figure it out because he simply must shampoos his goldfish right now.
ReplyDeleteStandard-issue conservative compassion: "right to life" ends at birth.
ReplyDeleteAh, yes, Michael Ledeen, that long-time admirer of Italian fascists. Every other word out his mouth is "democracy," but the guy's got a genuine fondness for black shirts.
ReplyDeleteHowever, tell them that and they will get all offended and ask whatever can you mean.
ReplyDeleteNot really. A simple inversion of the facts in order to prop up a long-discredited, book-length logical fallacy doesn't require imagination. Or much effort.
ReplyDeleteWhich is a good thing for Doughy, because he isn't capable of either.
Or tries to think.
ReplyDelete"I’ve already been bumped from two shows because of it." Truly, the loss to western civilization from the Zimmerman trial will be immeasurable.
ReplyDeleteEven if Doughpants isn't responsible for the comments of individual commenters, he certainly does attract a certain type:
ReplyDeleteThe "Defetus" chick has quite a rack. I'd do her. Not sure about the other one.
(There was an article out there, a few years ago, about how Republican chicks were easier than Democrat chicks. I'm riffing on that.)
and
There's only a trial because race hustlers demanded it and threatened riots.And riots are threatened if Sharpton/Jackson/Shabazz don't approve of the verdict.
You can't give in to terrorists.
Once again, I'm almost nostalgic for the time before the masks came off.
Yup, Lee Atwater must be grinning from ear to ear in his special ring of Hell.
ReplyDeleteEvery once in a while, I imagine Jesus walking into one of Joel Osteen's extravaganzas with a whip, whereupon the crowd descends on him and beats him to death with bags of quarters.
ReplyDeleteNo blood for Mohel!
ReplyDeleteI just got done imposing a little reality on the NRO douchebags. They just LOVE to explain how we don't need food stamps, prenatal healthcare, etc., because charity! Idjits.
ReplyDeleteNah, they'd hire it out. Dirty hands are so .. uncouth.
ReplyDeleteI take it you haven't been to an American megachurch lately. On the surface, sweetness and light and Christian rock music. Underneath that facade, they're ready to go all Day of the Locust on the world.
ReplyDeleteYeah, everything is taken care of by charity. That's why no one is starving, no one is dying. I hate the pious fraud and the willingness to believe in it.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know. I'm more thinking of the process, not the the idea itself.
ReplyDelete"Fratboy would be the wrong word to use to describe Jonah Goldberg."
ReplyDeleteYou transposed the "r" and the "a."
Is Jonah trying to fart in German now?
ReplyDeleteThat is bullshit. Everyone knows that only Liberals fart in German like Hitler used to. Liberals are the true farting fascists!
The Dutch oven is the gas chamber of Liberal Fascism.
ReplyDeleteMy dad was giving me this bullshit at a barbecue a couple weeks back. Not only was he saying nobody starves or dies today, but he insisted that nobody EVER starved or died at any time in American history (I was trying to lead him to the understanding that the New Deal and LBJ-era programs drastically improved the situation in that regard.) I was dumbfounded; aren't the younger people supposed to be the naive ones?
ReplyDeleteApplicable.
ReplyDeleteA friend took me to one service in a MegaChurch. I had trouble not braying with laughter when I imagined them all singing "Basketball Jones". I told her it reminded me of the midnight showings of Rocky Horror... only not as amusing.
ReplyDeletemaybe I’ve missed the signs belittling pregnant women who want to have an abortion
ReplyDeleteHe's never been to a "pro-life" demonstration, where women seeking, or just speaking in support of abortion, are spat on, screamed at as murderers, threatened with death, etc.
Folks should carry cans of spray paint.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't thinking in terms of "creative literary/rhetorical imagination," but more like "imagine six impossibly preposterous lies before breakfast" type imagination.
ReplyDeleteDon't knock the 'Hat!!
ReplyDelete