Thursday, May 16, 2013

THEY SEE ME TROLLIN', THEY HATIN'.

By the way, that guy at the American Enterprise Institute is still doing his "Greatest Conservative Rap Songs of All Time" thing. Second installment is "Keep Ya Head Up," because Tupac "attacks contemporary feminist beliefs, decries single-parent families, and calls on men, particularly those in his own African-American community, to step up and take responsibility." Also, "he expresses his hope that a return to traditional values will mean that 'things are gonna get easier' and 'things’ll get brighter.'" Ooh-ooh chile, that's some good rightwing rap. Third installment is "Role Model," because Eminem calls Hillary Clinton a bitch.

I don't know whether AEI's in on the joke or not, but if he's actually getting paid for this, that's so banksta.

UPDATE. Commenter mortimer informs me that the guy has done a new one. I agree with mortimer that the passage he quotes can't be improved upon:
Near the end of the song, all this culminates in a warning to wannabe revolutionaries everywhere: “Dr. Dre be the name / Still running the game.” And this extends, of course, to those who believe that a Marxist utopia can be established through democratically endorsed redistribution of wealth. As Dr. Young explains in “Forgot About Dre,” a song from his next album: “If it was up to me / You motherf****** would stop coming up to me / With your hands out lookin’ up to me / Like you want something free.
But the best is the guy's exegesis on the Brazilian "Rap das Armas." Looking for joints repping "principled defense of Second Amendment rights," he can't get with popular American numbers like "Cop Killer," as they show a "thirst for wanton machismo," so he picks up this foreign one, which he says "finds its ultimate justification in self-defense against totalitarian government" as it "describes a neighborhood ready to resist." As always, gun nuts find the prospect of fighting the totalitarian police appealing unless black Americans are doing it, in which case it's just pathology.

I feel a Poe's Law warrant coming on.

UPDATE 2. The rightwing rap craze continues! Meet Florida GOP Rep. Trey Radel:
The first [song that represents my views on Washington] that I would have to refer to would be 'Fight the Power,' by Public Enemy. This is a song that... if you really get down to it, reflects the conservative message of having a heavy handed federal government... Chuck D of Public Enemy and I may disagree on certain philosophies of government, but I think at the end of the day— and this is where I take my love of hip hop music— where there have been issues and problems with either heavy handed law enforcement... or heavy handed government itself.
Amanda teases him mercilessly. At least Radel's bullshit makes some kind of real-world sense, though: He's a politician trying to put himself over as a Regular Bro, and acquaintance with one of the 10 or 12 hiphop records all white people know is a definite bro signifier. And his bro-babble shows in its most common and primitive state the childish impulse to claim all the things you like in life -- cool tunes, great movies, choc-a-mut ice creams -- for some stupid ideology.

The Zhdanovism is depressing, though at present I think these guys have as much hope of colonizing rap as Jonah Goldberg has of winning a decathlon.

69 comments:

  1. Jay B.9:00 PM

    Top Five Conservative Emotions:


    5. Is "stupid" an emotion?
    4. Anger
    3. Fear
    2. Anger again
    1. Rage

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jeffrey_Kramer9:33 PM

    "I shot the sheriff" is a stirring paean to the conservative virtue of resistance to government tyranny through the application of our sacred second-amendment rights. "But I didn't shoot no deputy," moreover, illustrates the conservative virtue of self-restraint and obedience to the rule of law.

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  3. Jeffrey_Kramer9:41 PM

    I suppose Tupac is OK if you're looking for a conservative attack on contemporary feminist beliefs, but I'm still holding the #1 spot for the upcoming "Ballad of Ariel Castro."

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  4. Derelict10:03 PM

    Roy says joke, but I think it's safe to say that these people are so lacking in self-awareness (and so negligent and ignorant about their topics) that, to them, this deadly serious kulture-kampf krap.

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  5. NWA's "Fuck Da Police": salute to Red Dawn and the Wolverines?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiX7GTelTPM
    ~

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  6. itisdancing10:12 PM

    “And since a man can’t make one / He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one / So will the real men get up?”



    He actually interprets this as anti-abortion. Amazing.

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  7. sharculese10:29 PM

    Rap, like most forms of popular music, is full of misogyny. This month in the Journal of Basic Shit That Even the Most Cretinous Dipshits Already
    Had a Sense Of.

    ReplyDelete
  8. wileywitch10:33 PM

    After listening to Angela Davis speak for two hours on slavery and the prison industrial complex; these nitwits don't even sound smart enough to be stupid.


    It's an evil force that pays people do be so mindless, to put that thoughtlessness into text, and then to leave it where people can see it.

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  9. hells littlest angel10:44 PM

    These top 21 rap songs are apparently being listed in a 21-part series! Ten bucks says the writer goes on to better things (The Daily Caller or World Net Daily) before the series is completed. Which is too bad, because I've got another ten bucks that says the Number One song is Lee Atwater's "Nigga Nigga Nigga."

    ReplyDelete
  10. BigHank5310:46 PM

    I don't know whether AEI's in on the joke...

    Let's ask Jason Richwine. He seems to be up to date on what the conservative think tanks are looking for.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Spaghetti Lee10:49 PM

    Top 5 conservative shits:


    5: A shit taken by a Mr. Robert J. Schultz of Fairfield, Ohio on July 29, 2008 at a neighborhood Chilis. What makes this shit so conservative is that Mr. Schultz had just finished gorging himself on a plate of deep-fried potato skins, as is his right as a free American, and just got finished telling his nagging bitch of a wife that she shouldn't tell him what he can and can't eat. That Mr. Schultz suffered a heart attack while trying to squeeze it out only strengthens his commitment to liberty, etc. etc.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haystack11:01 PM

    First in a series?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Haystack11:05 PM

    Asking for JG, who's busy walking the dog right now: Are sharts eligible?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Spaghetti Lee11:33 PM

    As long as the rest of you can handle it. I'm also accepting submissions.


    4: On April 17, 2002, fraternity brother Kevin Lewis of Athens, Georgia attempted to shit on his friend's car from the balcony of his third story apartment. That he fell off and landed on the car only shows the conservative spirit of always seeing things through when you start them. The car was a Honda, which also shows a strongly conservative attitude towards foreigners.

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  15. sharculese11:34 PM

    Classic Kappa Alpha move.

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  16. montag211:37 PM

    What can I say? Stan needs to remove the stick from his ass, fire up a doobie and at least loosen the shoelaces on his brogues before he embarks on this subject again.

    Because he's not hip. Or hip-hop. Period.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Fats Durston12:04 AM

    Motherfucker didn't even bother to listen to the songs all the way through. After its self-reliance message, Nas's "I Can" (#16) veers off into a muddled stew of Afro-centric histopracty, arguing that Timbuktu's scholars taught Greeks and Romans, that Europeans "robbed [Africa] naked" (and still do today), and that Alexander the Great tried to cover up Africa's distinguished past by shooting (I did say muddled) the noses off of "mountains." I'm sure all of those would go over real well on the conservative plantation.

    And "I Can" "must have pleased President George W. Bush immensely"? Maybe if he didn't know the beat was sampled from "Impeach the President."

    ReplyDelete
  18. hells littlest angel12:09 AM

    I considered nominating the Cleveland Steamer, but I guess that's more libertarian than conservative.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Jonah would take the whole thing if sharts were eligible.


    Gotta give someone else a chance.

    ReplyDelete
  20. NonyNony12:19 AM

    I'm beginning to believe that Roy is right and this is all a joke at AEI's expense.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Formerly_Nom_De_Plume12:38 AM

    Does anyone know what kind of music conservatives currently hate and want to ban? I'd like to know what they're going to be writing approving bullshit about twenty years from now.

    ReplyDelete
  22. GregMc12:41 AM

    This is actually part of the *real* list: top 2 conservative listening skills.



    2. Listen until you hear what you want to hear.
    1. Ignore everything else.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Formerly_Nom_De_Plume12:43 AM

    On #5, is that them asking themselves that question? Because that would work too.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Formerly_Nom_De_Plume12:44 AM

    That wasn't a song.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm as submissive as the next guy but SHIT PLAY IS OUT.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Waiting... Waiting...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVikZ8Oe_XA

    ReplyDelete
  27. The movie Reds is conservative because red is a conservative color.

    ReplyDelete
  28. AGoodQuestion1:46 AM

    I guess it falls under the heading of "fear", but I really think xenophobia deserves its own entry.

    ReplyDelete
  29. AGoodQuestion1:52 AM

    Yeah, Veuger's tone-deaf confirmation bias reading really is something to behold. If Tupac were still alive, he'd die laughing.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Banksta rap is awesomeness. Is that a real thing?

    ReplyDelete
  31. Fats Durston7:19 AM

    Neither are rappers. Ba-da-bing! I'm here all week; try the veal.

    ReplyDelete
  32. mortimer7:41 AM

    #4 is up. It's Dr. Dre. I was gonna try to be funny but nothing is funnier than this:

    Near the end of the song, all this culminates in a warning to wannabe revolutionaries everywhere: “Dr. Dre be the name / Still running the game.” And this extends, of course, to those who believe that a Marxist utopia can be established through democratically endorsed redistribution of wealth. As Dr. Young explains in “Forgot About Dre,” a song from his next album: “If it was up to me / You motherf****** would stop coming up to me / With your hands out lookin’ up to me / Like you want something free.”

    You never see George F. Will quote something with the word "motherfucker" in it approvingly, so maybe this is a a sign of progress.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Pope Zebbidie XIII7:44 AM

    This is the Tupac who was a member of the Young Communist League of America?

    ReplyDelete
  34. The conservatoid joy in the miserable poverty of others (relative to their own misbegotten wealth) hints that deep down, wherever they have beaten down the little bit of human soul they may still possess, they may feel a bit guilty. I mean they created and perpetuate this system, yet NEVER suggest any way to offer basic security to the lowest of the screwed.

    But probably not.

    I wonder if they give the same line to their kids when they need food, shelter, or comfort? "Fend for yourselves, you lazy motherfuckers!"

    Where do conservatoids draw the line between them that deserve humanity and them that don't? Wasn't the concept of a Brotherhood of Man what their xtian god supposed to expand for them? epic fail.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Kurzleg8:05 AM

    I second the motion. In all the winger dreck that Roy has so generously waded through on our behalf, I've never seen any evidence of self-awareness either.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Plus it gives the conservatives the chance to say "nigger" win/win.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I wonder if they give the same line to their kids when they need food, shelter, or comfort? "Fend for yourselves, you lazy motherfuckers!"

    Yes.
    Simple answers, etc. etc.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Good gosh, don't tell AEI about Dylan's Infidels.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Provider_UNE8:43 AM

    ...that's so banksta.

    I am just gonna have to throw away any membership cards that I thought I may have earned from any branch of the neologistismic societies of Amercia. It reminds me of a night when I saw a dude play the bass so well, I thought I should burn mine when I got home. Didn't pick up the thing for a year.

    Thanks, really!

    Good Day, Sir!.
    ...

    ReplyDelete
  40. Provider_UNE8:52 AM

    Where do conservatoids draw the line between them that deserve humanity and them that don't?


    I think you are referring to the conservative version of the Mendoza line in reverse. Anyone perceived to be getting more than their fair share who is not a member of its Tribe falls into the category of "...them that don't."
    ...

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  41. edroso9:30 AM

    Oh come now.

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  42. Uncle Kvetch9:32 AM

    And this extends, of course, to those who believe that a Marxist utopia can be established through democratically endorsed redistribution of wealth.


    I call parody. And if I'm wrong about that, then I truly feel too sorry for this guy to bring myself to laugh at him.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I believe that's really supposed to be "Fuck tha jack-booted storm-troopers of Big Government."

    ReplyDelete
  44. edroso9:56 AM

    Too late: See #12.

    ReplyDelete
  45. harvson310:10 AM

    HOLEE SH!T.

    I taught "Rap das Armas" as an example of baile funk to my students. It's glorification of the drug trafficking gangs in the favelas of Rio (specifically, a hill on Ilha do Governador, near the airport).

    Here's my translation from the Portuguese of the opening verse:

    "Palm Oil Hill is bad to invade
    We, with those [from Complexo do] Alemão are going to have fun
    Because on Palm Oil I’ll tell you how it is
    Here there aren’t any softies [easy targets], even for the DRE [state anti-narcotics bureau]
    Even the BOPE [Special Opps Battalion] fears coming up the hill
    There aren’t softies for the army nor for the PM [Military Police]
    I’m giving a better idea of it for my friends
    But Palm Oil Hill is also God’s land
    Faith in God, DJ!"

    The song ends with a threat to use a grenade next time.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Halloween_Jack10:11 AM

    If you accept the notion that anger is really fueled by fear in the fight-or-flight response, it's fear all the way down.

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  47. Damn, as a crate digger I didn't even think about checking the beats.


    We'll have to check if any of the others sample "Black President" by James Brown.

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  48. harvson310:13 AM

    Also, it's from 1994, not 2007. But that's the least of his problems.

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  49. Mr. Wonderful10:15 AM

    What? No love for "resentment"? Which means "to feel AGAIN," so it's two (clap) two (clap) two emotions in one!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Mr. Wonderful10:22 AM

    Plus, they've never shown the least ability to be actually witty, amusing, funny, or astute when they *weren't* "joking." Which actually raises the question I thought of last night: Is there a wingnut equivalent of alicublog? Or even one that thinks it is?

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  51. Mr. Wonderful10:28 AM

    Irmao! As if the American Enterprise Institute would have been on any side but that of the military dictatorship in the days of Tropicalia. Order FIRST. Then "Progress."

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  52. They should just mention every rap song that mentions guns, money, and ho's, and call it a day. Those are the 3 right wing talking points, anyway.

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  53. DocAmazing11:05 AM

    Assata Shakur's child, named for the Tupac Amaru, if memory serves...

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  54. whetstone11:37 AM

    that's so banksta.

    Why yes, yes it is. When Stan Veuger (Ph.D., economics, Harvard) isn't bumping Tupac on the Metro, he's coming up out of the cut for your goods: "A balanced budget isn't necessary, but entitlement reform is."

    ReplyDelete
  55. Al Swearengen12:04 PM

    Next up, he explains that Foster the People's "Pumped Up Kicks" is really about running for exercise.

    ReplyDelete
  56. KatWillow12:41 PM

    Glen Reynolds? Dr. Mike? Rev Swank?

    ReplyDelete
  57. AngryWarthogBreath12:46 PM

    I personally think a "thirst for wanton machismo" ruined Fuck Tha Police - either the police are ruining your lives OR you're not at all afraid of those pigs, you cannot have it both ways, NWA, and no, now that you mention it, I would not say any of this to your faces - so I can sympathise with that. In between laughing at the whole enterprise. The whole Enterprise Institute (American)! Ba-da-ding!


    My favourite, which hunter-commenters from Lawyers, Guns, and Money pointed out (I'm staying so far in the boat I'm wrapped in blankets deep under the waterline), was the one about how when Dr. Dre told Eminem to shoot his unfaithful girlfriend and her lover, that represented a meaningful ethos and was, as such, totally conservative. Now, while I might be amenable to the point that fatal domestic violence is indeed a conservative virtue, I'm not sure I'd say it quite that brazenly, nor would I be pleased about it.


    If this is trolling or parody, though, it's brilliantly done. If it's at all from the inside, we might have found the one right-winger with a sense of humour that extends beyond "that guy got hurt! it's funny!"

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  58. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:05 PM

    Who can parody right-wing screeds any more? We're living in the post "Poe" world. The fact is, it's gotten so that one can't even tell real Gary Ruppert from fake Gary Rupperts.

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  59. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:07 PM

    Dubstep

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  60. AngryWarthogBreath1:10 PM

    Brilliant. Skrillex has already given us "Kill EVERYBODY", so I can write the piece for the National Review On Hypernet piece now and set it to submit automatically in 2033.

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  61. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:17 PM

    I like tax cuts, and I don’t know why.
    Firmly on the side of supply!
    When a guy walks in with a Milton Friedman book
    All you CEOs take a look!

    GOP hack!

    ReplyDelete
  62. XeckyGilchrist1:23 PM

    Fucking libertarians, how do they work?

    They don't. They get sinecures at think tanks.

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  63. MikeJ2:04 PM

    Nobody tell them that Paris Sous les Bombes is about graffiti instead of giving those cheese eating surrender monkeys what's what.

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  64. This is a song that... if you really get down to it, reflects the conservative message of having a heavy handed federal government

    Jesus.

    So in a song that's all about imbalance of power between races, you assume "the power" equals the Federal government?

    Bonus points for ignoring "Gotta give us what we want, gotta give us what we need", which sounds kinda, uh, socialist?

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  65. And for ignoring the video, where the marchers are carrying a big poster of Angela Davis.

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  66. JennOfArk5:12 PM

    You are quite the wordsmith, my swain.

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  67. JennOfArk5:15 PM

    Let me guess...the number one conservative shit of all time: Dick Cheney.

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  68. Makes you almost want to swallow the God hogwash and claim these pricks are really the spawn of Satan.

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  69. Mooser3:55 PM

    " You motherf****** would stop coming up to me / With your hands out lookin’ up to me / Like you want something free.”
    Cool, Dr. Dre is channeling Ruth Brown doing "easy Chair"!

    ReplyDelete