It reminds me of my first job in high school, cold-calling people from a crummy office in downtown Bridgeport to try and get them to attend a presentation about a Florida real estate development scam called Rotunda. (You can read how Rotunda played out here.) It was run by something called the Cavanaugh Corporation, which claimed as one of its partners Ed McMahon -- whose autographed photo we cold-callers offered as a premium.
Also, I never noticed before how much Allen West looks like Alfred E. Neuman.
If you have to watch one of the crazy videos, this is the one: West on Hollywood! After a few fish-out-of-water gags about coming to Los Angeles -- when someone offers him some sushi, he says "I don't eat bait" -- he gets right down to how liberals won't let you say what you really want to, and conservatives are "so afraid of the Hollywood backlash that they meet in secret," by which I guess he means no one goes to their parties except Roger L. Simon. "Is this the America that some of us fought for?" roars West. "Is this some type of new Soviet-style Politburo being formed? Regardless I find it utterly disgusting to think that many of us who fought for the freedoms of our nation so that now it seems a handful of individuals get to define who can and who cannot speak..." He's also mad that Hollyweird stars are against guns: "I doubt Jim Carrey will be invited to give the start command at any NASCAR race. [Pause for laugh.]"
This scam is brought to you by PJTV, who seem to have gotten the down-on-his-luck West the way William Grefe got Rita Hayworth.
I recently watched an interesting documentary about the Burmese anti-government protests in 2007, which took special care to describe how video had to literally be smuggled out of the country, how police would beat up and jail people they saw with video cameras, etc. It ends on a grim note, just like the real protests did, with the central figure of the movie noting that a lot of his friends are in jail, and some others are hiding and they have no way to contact each other, and how the minimal anti-government media infrastructure they had has basically been destroyed.
ReplyDeleteNone of these clowns-West or the dumb yokels he's scamming-have any right to say they're being silenced or that they're not allowed to say what they think. I don't know-I really, truly don't-how someone can eat their fill from the vast sewer of right-wing agitprop every day and still conclude that conservatives aren't being allowed to speak. You're allowed to speak all you fucking want. You can peddle your bullshit and your hate and your fearmongering until the second coming. Even if I dearly wish you would shut up forever, I'm not going to stop you. I do wish, however, that you all would actually use the rare and precious gift of free speech to do something other constantly spew garbage. Argggggh.
Those unwilling to watch the video can imagine all the hippie-punching action in between these two screencaps of Allen West twenty seconds in and Allen West twenty seconds from closing.
ReplyDeleteI recently watched an interesting documentary about the Burmese
ReplyDeleteanti-government protests in 2007, which took special care to describe
how video had to literally be smuggled out of the country, how police
would beat up and jail people they saw with video cameras, etc.
Yes but perhaps you're forgetting that Tina Fey once made fun of Sarah Palin. Who are the real victims here?
when someone offers him some sushi, he says "I don't eat bait"
ReplyDeleteDoes he bring anything to the table that I couldn't get from Fourth of July barbecues with my Alabamian uncles and grandfather? In fact I suspect the barbecues still win out because bikinis are involved.*
*I should perhaps stress that the bikinis are not being worn by my uncles and grandfather.
Raw fish in restaurants? "Sprouts" on my sandwich? I can not come to terms with this strange world of 1974!
ReplyDelete"I should perhaps stress that the bikinis are not being worn by my uncles and grandfather."
ReplyDeleteOh, nuts... There goes my... But, hey, are YOU in a bikini?
I "like" the throwback hucksterism. Except far too many still fall for it.
ReplyDeleteSo is there some fun numerology behind 5 stripes and 14 stars?
ReplyDeleteGood job on having THREE lapel pins, though.
"What? They're serving fish?! I didn't die on okijima for that!"
ReplyDeleteThat film would be "BurmaVJ," right?
ReplyDeleteSince when was Allen West "fighting for our freedoms?" He's was invading another country, setting fire to its infrastructure and torturing its citizens, all for the general self-aggrandizement of neocon psychopaths and the transfer of Treasury funds to corrupt American multinationals. If that's a quick, but accurate, synopsis of the "freedoms" he was fighting for, Allen West would do well to not brag about them quite so openly.
His whole rant about being silenced by "elites", be they hollywood or washington, is so goddamn stupid because the video itself proves him wrong. He's got his platform from which to shout. And people daring to argue against you don't amount to oppression. This is funny in the saddest way.
ReplyDeleteThat's the one. Hard to watch the optimistic stuff because you knew what was coming.
ReplyDelete"so afraid of the Hollywood backlash that they need to meet in secret."
ReplyDeleteOMG GULAGS ARE NEXT OMG WHAT SHOULD WE DO WHAT SHOULD WE DO????
Except, umm, you're kinda saying what you want, like, right, right??
Sweet Jesus, I can't believe this guy was actually in Congress, even if only for a single House term. He sounds like a boxer who took way too many blows to the head, then got carefully coached to be a casino greeter.
ReplyDeleteAlso I notice that his ominous rumblings about Hollywood wanting to shape our culture instead of reflect it play over footage of, among others, Amy Poehler at some gala. West's apparent fear of a 90lb blonde does nothing to dispel my punch-drunk theory.
Talk about hitching your star to a submarine. Given that a goodly portion of Florida is bugfuck nuts, Allen West might well win another spot in Congress in the next few years, but, nothing, and I mean nothing, can change the impression he's already made on the country--that's he's a full-blown, bull-goose loony, and this diatribe of his isn't going to change that. If he's the "next generation," we're just plain fucked.
ReplyDeleteIs this just marketing flailing by PJTV, or some badly-conceived GOP outreach? Either way, how many people will Allen West inspire to spend $20 or $30 a month on stuff they see every day on Fox? I know there's some truth in the old adage, "a fool and his money... etc.," but, c'mon, how does this not come across as a pretty rank snake-oil scheme? (After all, Glenn Beck's "The Blaze" has gotten the real rubes' money first.)
Ah, well, maybe I have no idea of the credit limit on the credit cards of sub-normal wackos in this country--or any idea of the money they'll spend stoking their dissociated anger.
But, it plays nicely to the perennial theme of conservative victimhood. That's the object of it. The truly amusing part of this is that when West was in Congress, he was so obviously beyond the fringe, so inconceivably deranged, that he got a level of press coverage far beyond that of the average new Congress critter. The news media, ever in search of novelty, gave him far more camera time than many seasoned politicians, so his exposure was all out of proportion to his legislative importance or his stature among his peers.
ReplyDeleteSo much so that I would guess that many of his erstwhile supporters were mumbling, "I voted for this crazy fuck?" I'm betting that all those opportunities to shoot off his mouth might have been part of his electoral undoing. Pity he's not yet gotten the message. But, then, it takes a long time for the signals to reach the Oort Cloud, where he seems to be presently orbiting.
Wow, that's a pretty terrible line read there, Colonel. You're not going to make it far in the overcrowded e-celebrity market if you can't even get through the first sentence without stumbling.
ReplyDeleteI watched a few videos, and I get the feeling that they're not targeted towards rank-and-file movement conservatives. There are these weird, awkward attempts at outreach, and West even co-opts the other side sometimes (there's a line in one video about how he doesn't like the term "War on Terror" because you can't declare war on a tactic - GEE, I NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE!). But beyond that, what's his material? Cracks about those liberals and their fancy food, and "shut up and sing" and a bunch of other material you're recycling from '03?
Really, how many overfunded, underplanned right-wing websites does the world need? Are these just the next generation of sinecures for talentless right-wing hacks? If so, you guys are really losing your touch. Used to be that you got a think tank position, and they paid you absurd sums of money to bullshit with politicians and power brokers. Now they give you a third-tier website.
Casinos are to good at figuring odds to hire him. And don't underestimate ninety-pound blondes.
ReplyDeleteJokes about sushi? What decade is this? Just what sort of rube is this aimed at?
ReplyDelete"now it seems a handful of individuals get to define who can and who cannot speak..."
And yet here you are...
Hold on, he hasn't gotten to the part about how the guys have long hair and the women don't shave their armpits.
ReplyDelete'Baby Mama' was just the first step in the plan to destroy the American family.
ReplyDelete"Are these just the next generation of sinecures for talentless right-wing hacks?"
ReplyDeleteI think this is a question for the still-dead Mr. Breitbart, or for the talentless right-wing hacks he left behind.
That's another awesomely bad read in the video. For those of you who didn't watch it, he pauses before the word "sprouts" and then throws an upward inflection on the end, It sounded like he'd just landed in a country with a radically different culture and couldn't quite process what he was seeing ("You people eat...bugs?").
ReplyDeleteHi there to all, how is the whole thing, I think every one is
ReplyDeletegetting more from this web page, and your views are good in support of new visitors.
my homepage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoRWJriSgKc
Allen West might well win another spot in Congress in the next few years
ReplyDeleteFor extra Schadenfreude points, consider: West left the district he won in 2010, which was made more Democratic in redistricting* and is now represented by a Democrat, and ran in one farther north that was supposed to be drawn for a Republican. And he lost there too. His reputation preceded him, one might say.
(*-the Florida statehouse is run by the GOP, so I can only assume they thought West was an embarrassment. If the Florida Republican Party is embarrassed to be seen with you, you might want to reconsider your life.)
I think he's done, and I think he's taking the Palin route: Live large off of your short and embarrassing tenure in office and keep telling your fans that you'll make another run at it, with the help of their generous donations, of course. "Allen West's Florida" on TLC is more likely than Allen West (FL-18) in the near future.
There's something similar with Joe Walsh in Illinois: teabagger dickhead who refused to pay his child support and yelled at his constituents and was booted after one term, in territory that had mostly never been represented by a Democrat before. I had the honor of voting against him, in fact. He's made noises about running for governor, which I think is hilarious: He'd never win, but he'd suck up a lot of money and attention, which is probably all he cares about.
There was an old Beavis and Buthead in which their neighbor (the proto Hank Hill) said something along the lines of "I risked my life in Vietnam so that you boys could be free to do nonsense!" and Buthead replied "I bet you regret that!" The neighbor said "Yes I do! Wait! NO! No I don't!"
ReplyDeleteThe Oort Cloud? Rewatch the video; the guy doesn't have the range.
ReplyDeleteAs in: "How DARE you quote the stupid things we say verbatim and then laugh!!!"
ReplyDeleteCujo was a 90 pound blonde.
ReplyDeleteRooting for the Underdog is the underlying foundation of the American Mythology. Even though in reality, Americans (as a rule) never venture anything unless convinced they are guaranteed a "win," we are certain that we are always the Underdog facing vast overwhelming odds, and WE WILL TRIUMPH IN THE END because of our moral rightness, or something.
ReplyDeleteThis makes for great entertainment--I mean who doesn't like to see the victim turn the tables on the oppressor? It's fun, and arguably promotes the ethic of standing for principles over personal survival. Of course, anyone with sense understands it is a parable--the little guy almost always gets crushed by the dominant culture, but we can understand why we want to believe it isn't so--especially when we are the dominant culture.
This bullshit is why the victimization call is so strong in privileged, spoiled Americans. Real victims would trade in their lot in a heartbeat to be the dominant culture. Rightwhiners love to pretend to be victims, so that when then bully someone weaker, they can fulfill the demands of the mythology.
I'll warrant that, although this won't sway new masses of people into the horrible winger-aligned political parties, it will probably be effective in keeping a replacement number of assholes in the next generation. And they'll come of age to make more trouble 20 years down the line, like cyclical locust plagues, convinced of their Morally Superior Underdog status.
If Allen West is Rita Hayworth, then is that sultry temptress Roger L. Simon Fay Spain?
ReplyDeleteSo is there some fun numerology behind 5 stripes
ReplyDeleteIf you focus on the white spaces between them, and squint your eyes a bit, they look like rifles pointing the other way.
Just another oppressed conservative with his message being shut out and shut down by the vast leftwing thought police. If only there were some sort of outlets for this sort of thing, some radio network like EIB, some TV network like FOX, some newspaper like the Washington Post. But, alas, he's stuck alone and adrift.
ReplyDeleteNever underestimate the power of even ancient propaganda when used on people with the attention-span and memory of mayflies.
ReplyDeleteThese folks have been using the same lines with updated names since biblical times. And, unfortunately, they always seem to work on a disturbing number of sheeple.
I assume the asterisk after "Join Today! Get an autographed photo of Allen West!" leads to "Don't join today, and you'll get TWO autographed photos. Which he'll deliver in person. So join, and save yourself the pain."
ReplyDeletebeing silenced by "elites", be they hollywood or washington
ReplyDeleteHe already had a platform; it was called the 112th Congress. I'm looking for his answers to his "silencers" from the House floor, and not finding anything.
(In retrospect maybe he should have used a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allen_West_(politician)#Iraq_interrogation_incident'>silencer</a>. Then maybe he wouldn't have gotten into trouble.
First prize: autographed photo of Allen West
ReplyDeleteSecond prize: two autographed photos of Allen West
Third prize: bullet fired next to ear
I think the 14 stars are the 13 on the Confederate States flag, plus one for the Arizona Territory the CSA proclaimed. The 5 stripes represent Franco's 4 columns approaching Madrid, plus the fifth column inside.
ReplyDeleteWell, they do have David Mamet on their team.
ReplyDeleteHoly smokes--he IS Alfred E. Neuman. terrific
ReplyDeleteIt can't be overstressed: Lieutenant Colonel is where the services get serious about cashiering the real nuts.
ReplyDeleteAnd the extent to which Bush's two wars created a command vacuum is about as dumbfounding as anything else connected to that administration. Consider how far it sucked David Petraeus. Then make up your own Paula Broadwell joke.
I find it utterly disgusting to think that many of us who fought for the freedoms of our nation so that now it seems a handful of individuals get to define who can and who cannot speak... I doubt Jim Carrey will be invited to give the start command at any NASCAR race.
ReplyDeleteI missed the "for example" there, right? Or the next sentence where he decries it? Maybe West will be silenced enough to release another couple of videos to clarify.
Is this just marketing flailing by PJTV
ReplyDeleteName one thing done by PJTV, just one single solitary thing, video, column, website, or personality, that wasn't marketing flailing.
Leslie Knope: Aspiring Feminazi.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking the GOP strategy here is to pump West up, then quickly trade him to the Constitution Party for a 47th-round draft pick. Or some Cheetos. Whatever.
ReplyDelete"Regardless I find it utterly disgusting to think that many of us who
ReplyDeletefought for the freedoms of our nation so that now it seems a handful of
individuals get to define who can and who cannot speak..."
Oh shut up.
Can't someone P-shop a pic of a normal person (TM) seated, reading the paper, in front of a sign that says: SITTING DOWN AT THE PRESENT ?
ReplyDeleteThis principle of crying about being silenced, in front of audiences varying from a few bored hecklers to several million cable TV viewers, is something I have wondered about myself. They have to cultivate this feeling that they're some brave rebel underground, doing some kind of samizdat operation where there would be terrible consequences if they were caught by the elites' enforcement thugs.
ReplyDeleteOddly, it sort of makes sense how this can work on TV, where it's common for viewers to feel like "he's right here in my living room!" because that's where the TV set is. But it amazes me the rubes can maintain that disconnect when they go to see the speakers in big crowds like, say, the Republican convention.
Third prize: bullet fired next to ear
ReplyDelete*Third prize only valid for unarmed military prisoners and members of their immediate families.
This has come up before but the entire right wing freak out over no longer being the arbiters of good taste, popular culture, or anything else contemporary reminds me of this old feminist line "Men are afraid women will laugh at them/women are afraid men will kill them."
ReplyDeleteWhen you start reading up on violence in some communities, among abusers or within families or even households or villages/towns you often see that the thing which is most upsetting to violent people is the feeling that they are being laughed at--that people of a lower social status (women or children or non whites) or outsiders are not giving them due deference. When you read up on abnormal psych and what is believed to be the case about narcissism you find that loss of face/reputation can be felt as almost a kind of soul death by some people. A vertigionous and terrifying kind of "all the way down" fall that is all out of proportion to the way things look to an outsider or someone who is more confident in their own skin or on the ascendant.
Joan Walsh's most recent cri-de-white lady partakes of this. I'm not at all shocked to see someone who thought her position as arbiter or speaker between upper and lower, white and black, liberal and liberal voters take a dive straight into "let me now speak as a frightened white minority member" as she sees her priviliged position slipping away into thin air.
Its scary to find yourself in the minority of anything whether taste, money, race, popularity if its not by choice and if the minority position isn't the position of the one percent but now the position of the outsider.
"Is this some type of new Soviet-style Politburo being formed?"
ReplyDeleteWow, that's actually a fairly penetrant criticism. Talk about biting the hand that feeds him ... Wait, he's talking about liberals again, isn't he? Never mind.
Regardless I find it utterly disgusting to think that many of us who fought for the freedoms of our nation
Name four of the freedoms of our nation you fought for, Allen. Citations of relevant sections of the Constitution required.
"It seems to me we have come to the point where it is too glorified...?" Wow? I mean, I'm not all "Hollywood, hollywood, its your birthday" but does anyone give a fuck about this? This was pitched to some elderly grandma in a church home who doesn't exist anymore. Its like they think their own base of suckers is 140 years old, not even 80 years old. I half expected him to start demanding a return to the Hays Code.
ReplyDeleteAlso he describes it as "I had to correct the girl who offered me..." Why not just refuse? When someone offers me onions or tomato I don't "correct" them and say angrily "what do you take me for?"
ReplyDeleteWas this the one with bald white guy and the black guy with the funky sunglasses, or was that Deep Space Nine?
ReplyDeleteDon't you know that ordering sprouts on your sandwich is signifier that you're a gay oral bottom? The sprouts look like little spermatazoa. West didn't want to have pictures of him eating a sperm sandwich show up on Perez Hilton.
ReplyDeletePaula Broadwell, Tucker Carlson, and Allen West walk into a public bathroom. Paula asks, "Shall we dance?" Suddenly, Larry Craig bursts from a stall, his cock in his hand, and starts tap dancing. Tucker says,"They shoot horses, don't they?", so Allen West takes his concealed carry Glock out of his holster and kills Larry and Paula, then aims the gun at Tucker. Tucker says, "What the fuck are you doing!?", and West says, "I thought you said to 'shoot the whores'."
ReplyDeleteTommy Newsom is for closers!
ReplyDeleteOoh! Ooh! Joe E. Ross is in that movie!
ReplyDeleteName four of the freedoms of our nation you fought for, Allen.
ReplyDelete"Uh, breads and cereals, meat and dairy. . ."
(Sellout Pizza and Rightwings, now on sale at "Next Generation")
"ID? Damn Charlie didn't ask for ID when I fought at
ReplyDeleteLa Choy, and Chun King! I saw my best friend's head
explode at Margaret Cho!"
Well that does make sense!
ReplyDeleteI skipped on the video link, but like you I clicked on the IMDB link and received a lifetime reward from the Quotation section:
ReplyDelete"Jean, you are a juvenile bitch siren, and you just killed the poet in me. "
So all these years I've been sending the wrong signals and I didn't even realize it?!
ReplyDelete*runs off to order sprouts immediately*
Aspiring? She tried to tax soda! Soda.
ReplyDeleteWhy'd you go to Hollywood in the first place, Allen? I mean it's not like someone put a gun to your head.
ReplyDeleteMy personal grand unifying theory of conservatism is that almost all of it is about enforcing hierarchy. People getting out of their place clearly deeply bugs a lot conservatives, but I think it goes a long way toward explaining how the money cons and the Christo-cons can tolerate each other. The hierarchy isn't super rigid, it's something like rich conservative straight Christian white males are the best. People don't have to check all of those boxes, so long as they agree to the other parts of the hierarchy are the way that things ought to be.
ReplyDeleteYou're thinking of Picard: For Hire.
ReplyDelete... and then fired it right next to your ear. Because that would be a crime.
ReplyDeleteHey, the only reason I still have long hair is because I don't shave my armpits.
ReplyDeleteMSNBC, The Nation and (even the liberal) New Republic exist, therefore conservative speech is oppressed.
ReplyDeleteYes, a lot can be obfuscated by not going to the same parties or churches--as long as hierarchy isn't disturbed while people are in the same social space I think they are fine with it. In fact that is one reason that Rand Paul etc.. are honestly shocked to discover that Black people and women think that Paul and the Libertarians (70's band name) are not quite on the up and up when they pretend that their "principles" of "low tax/small government" simply accidentally lead to segregation, poverty, and death for minorities and women. Paul and those guys are pretty much ok with segregation and different hierarchies as long as they happen somewhere else. The state's rights dodge says exactly that.
ReplyDeleteIf that's true of sprouts, then you'd think it'd be doubly true of all those Pug candidates who seem to feel that no campaign stop during the Iowa caucus is complete without a photo of them eating a corndog. But they just never learn...
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying there's anything homoerotic going on here.
ReplyDeleteI'm just saying...
I lost my train of thought.
Point taken. Still, we're talking about Congressman Internet Tough Guy here.
ReplyDeleteCool blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
ReplyDeleteA theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog shine.
Please let me know where you got your design. Thanks a lot
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