Daniel Henninger at the
Wall Street Journal:
Where Is the GOP's Jay Carney?
Wait... don't tell me...
Republicans need a party spokesman who is smart, articulate, credible and TV-savvy.
Yes -- remind us all of when we fell in love with Marlin Fitzwater!
The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation. On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth, and it wants to be the party of government reform.
So the problem couldn't possibly have anything to do with
that.
The Republicans need a lamplighter out front every day—a smart, articulate, credible and TV-savvy party spokesman. OK, spokesperson. A Mary Matalin or a Kevin Madden.
I predict that in a couple of weeks Henninger will demand Republicans hire a
charismatic, foul-mouthed dwarf to follow Reince Priebus around.
"We gotta get us some of that reform!"
ReplyDeleteThis style-over-substance thing on the right is pathological. They're convinced down to the last one they don't need to change their policy or message. All they need is some cheeky young thing who can deliver that message with a grin, and the world will be theirs.
ReplyDeleteLook, GOP, you've already got an abundance of people, at Fox News and the like, who can't do much but prevent terrifying ideas with a smile and a wink. It's one of your few strengths actually. Hasn't done you much good so far.
"The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation. On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth..."
ReplyDeleteSorry, Dan, but being unified in the cause of growing the wealth of people who already wealthy isn't really as popular as it once was.
"...and it wants to be the party of government reform."
Likewise, reforming (downward) the amount of benefits given to retirees and the poors may not be the path to electoral success. Just a thought.
Just need to cut 'n' paste this for its awesomeness:
ReplyDelete"To those who only heard him on albums or saw him on stage, Joe C. — who died Thursday night in his sleep — was the animated, foul-mouthed foil in Kid Rock’s Twisted Brown Trucker band.
The nimble rapper and spirited prankster stood just 3 feet, 9 inches, and was as forceful a personality as pop music had to offer.
To his bandmates, however, there were far more dimensions to Joe C.’s character. “Spiritually, he was on a different plane, the way he touched everyone’s life,” says guitarist Kenny Olson, who shared hotel rooms with C. when the band was on tour and slept in the bunk above him on the tour bus."
At this point, they're shooting less for Jay Carney than Art Carney.
ReplyDeleteI was certain Roy was talking about Rahm Emanuel.
ReplyDeleteDoes this Daniel Henninger entity know any actual humans?
ReplyDeleteNone of them do, actually. Or ARE humans, as far as that goes.
ReplyDeleteMary Matalin!? If only she could get on the tee vee. Ya that's what will do it, another alum faced beady eyed republican spartanatrix. You know, someone who can convince the "wetbacks" to vote for Jeb Bush because he can order two eggs in Spanish.
ReplyDelete...which they won't get. Art Linkletter, on the other hand? They had the real thing, so a contemporary equivalent may be in their grasp.
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Maybe a little guy with a broom?
ReplyDelete"The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation. On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth, and it wants to be the party of government reform."
ReplyDelete*wipes wine off monitor*
'Twas ever thus. When Republican policies don't work they always just need someone to explain them better, and preferably an attractive someone who looks like they are from a 1950’s family sitcom. A Hinderaker, perhaps, who can take a moment from examining the kerning on his gas bill to lovingly explain to us that George Bush is "a man of extraordinary vision approaching to genius" - so we shouldn't worry that the Iraq war is a meat-grinding clusterfuck. He's got it covered.
ReplyDeleteOr a Victim Davis Hamster, who famously wrote in that piece that Bush "just needs to explain his policies better." Curious that an entire Republican administration, party, and media complex was apparently failing to explain said policies in a way that made them sensical or satisfactory to the American public, including Hansen himself. They never entertain the possibility that maybe crazy, ineffectual policies are just crazy and ineffectual. That's that's movement conservatism for ya.
Well, sadly, they are. Human, I mean. They just seem seem incapable of acting on better instincts. Or listening to reason. Their limbic systems must be already digested oatmeal.
ReplyDelete"The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a
ReplyDeletegeneration. On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever
around growth, and it wants to be the party of government reform."
In the wrongness, Henninger isn't just going for gold, he's going for Kristol.
The Republicans need a lamplighter out front every day
ReplyDeleteSome places are using this new-fangled Edison-Westinghouse electric lighting.
On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth,
ReplyDeleteGrowth? Growth? Growing bigger assholes, maybe.
You know which other party was unified around growth.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought on reading the link was that the article was some meta-prank obituary for a cartoon character, gorillaz style. Only knowing who Kid Rock is by reputation, I was momentarily misled by the "animated Dwarf" description.
ReplyDeleteLibruhls say the darndest things!
ReplyDeleteNo, see, you need to invest in lamplighting companies, 'cause after Confederate Yankee and Gang unplug the National Grid and save wingnut America from kooky libruhls who want to stop violence, gas lamps are going to be the new iPods.
ReplyDeleteJoking aside, this is the core problem with wingnuts...the believe that a Unified Nation is the best way to govern. He doesn't mean "unified" in a vague political way, he probably means it the way all wingnuts mean it--a nation under a single party rule.
ReplyDeleteEven when they disagree completely with Republicans (or Democrats), normal people in a democracy understand the need for varied opinions and perspectives. Often, those folks most adamantly confident in their Rightness are proved wrong by history, so the idea is to hear voices of dissent and rationally weigh different solutions to problems before charging ahead. It's how adults are supposed to work.
But wingnuts really, really do not get Democracy, and never will.
They lucked out with Ronald Reagan, the amiable dunce. Thanks to their efforts in the interim they now have to recreate that minus the amiability.
ReplyDeleteCharismatic, foul-mouthed dwarf??[slightly NSFW]
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be...interesting...when the debt limit vote comes up. The true believers hate the poors and olds so much they're willing to drive the government into a bridge abutment. That whole 'growth' thing may be a tad harder to pull off when interest rates spike and the dollar is devalued. We'll if Wall Street makes that clear to the idiots, and (lucky us) we'll also get to see if the 27% has forgotten all about it by 2014.
ReplyDeleteRepublican "growth" = a preexisting condition that's not covered by insurance democracy.
ReplyDeleteOnce again believing the problem is the packaging and not the shit sandwich inside the wrapper.
ReplyDeleteI had forgotten about Marlin Fitzwater. But there have been soooooo many fabulous fabulists who worked for Republican presidents. Who could forget Scott McClellan (who finally quit because the tidal wave of bullshit Bush was forcing him to defend every day simply became too much)? Or Tony Snow, who went from Fox News to White House spokesman and found the only difference in his work was a different commute?
Having read this I believed it was extremely enlightening.
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I once again find myself spending a lot of time both reading and posting comments.
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The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing he's a bacteriologist?
Who needs Jay Carney when you've got Jennifer (Jenghazi) Rubin?
ReplyDelete~
what about a happy clown?
ReplyDeletesee, i was thinking more along these lines...
ReplyDelete"The Republicans' congressional leadership and Mr. Obama's nominal opponents, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker John Boehner floated deep down in the stories in thin paragraphs, like presidential pilot fish."
ReplyDeleteThey're floaters, all right.
Oh, they get democracy, all right, and they want nothing to do with any such thing.
ReplyDeleteWhere Is the GOP's Jay Carney?
ReplyDeleteHe's over there, his name is Jay Carney.
Growing bigger assholes, maybe.
ReplyDeleteInsert goatse joke here.
"floated deep down"?
ReplyDeleteThey had their best shot with Dana Perino, and look how well that turned out. They just can't seem to find that happy middle ground between terrifying ideas presented with a smile and a wink, and outright drama queenery.
ReplyDelete"The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation."
ReplyDeleteYes, Danny Boy, and that is a large part of your problem.
I think he has a weird fetish for insane asylums. and he's trying to up-talk the inmates
ReplyDeleteHear that, K-Lo?
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One does have to account for the source--this is on the WSJ editorial page, a known haven for political asylum escapees and economic witch doctors.
ReplyDeleteStill, it's remarkable to consider the current wrecking crew as the "best in a generation." "Best at what?" isn't even a question worth pondering, because it's not the correct appellation. Only once we rejigger it to "worst in a generation" can we figure out what Henninger truly means. The willingness to use the debt ceiling to cripple the government recalls Newticles' temper tantrum from not quite a generation ago. The emphasis on "growth," of course, recalls the major financial bubbles blown (and blown up) in the last twenty years (well, it can be the only explanation in the midst of policy proposals which will bludgeon the average person with forced austerity). The drooling desire for "reform," is merely ancient code for destroying the remnants of the New Deal, a perennial goal of the Wall Street Objectivists.
If Henninger is genuinely looking for some truth-in-advertising, honest broker for the Republican contingent in this Congress, Allen West is available.
I want to award this comment a lifetime supply of Kimberly-Scott products and three rooms of wall to wall carpeting from the Looms of Mohawk.
ReplyDeleteFirst they laugh at you...etc...etc..etc...
ReplyDeleteYou know the dire quality of the situation has finally sunk in when they assign to the Kenyan Usurper's minions superhuman powers.
My bet is he (thinks he) is using it in the John LeCarre sense. Lamplighters are advance men, essentially--they provide surveillance and are couriers. Which is to say, they're not press secretaries or spokespersons. Yes, I'm suggesting that an op-ed writer for the Wall St. Journal is talking out of his ass. Deal with it.
ReplyDeleteI love you guys.
ReplyDeleteBaby steps, baby steps.
ReplyDelete"The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation."
ReplyDeleteYes, openly obstructionist, paralyzed by teatardist know-nothings, routinely embarrassed by the supremely idiotic pronouncements of its members, brain-dead to the point of requiring instruction when it comes to "talking" to "women," barely concealed in its racist loathing of the President, farcical in its amnesiac disclaiming of the previous president and the policies for which they cheered barely six years ago...
Is this column another installment of the Big Lie, or just the latest frothing of one more GOP loon? You make the call!
Its hard to present a philosophy based on Fear and Rage as "attractive" to sane people.
ReplyDeleteSometimes conservatives appear to do well in a Crisis- so they'll manufacture a crisis, by God!
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"Mary Matalin"
ReplyDeleteIf only she were alive!
Ah, yes. That fresh-faced young scamp, Mary Matalin.
ReplyDeleteThey have no better instincts.
ReplyDelete"Lamplighters"? More like gaslighters.
ReplyDeleteAnd the rest of us? Gastarbeiter.
Examining Henninger's statement in light of what the Journal's editorial board wants will show the GOP house as the "best in a generation."
ReplyDeleteupper income tax cuts--check
a more regressive tax structure--check
defense pork--check
killing the New Deal--check
less SEC regulation--check
less EPA regulation--check
Who cares how bad some of these policies might be for the average American or the future health of the economy? The WSJ editorial board has to hit its numbers.
"a smart, articulate, credible and TV-savvy party spokesman. OK, spokesperson. A Mary Matalin"
ReplyDeleteWow, SOMEONE hasn't seen La Matalin on the teevees lately. On the plus side they could probably get her to do it for Stoli.
I see Matalin as Carville's penance for promoting triangulation as a strategy.
ReplyDeleteHey, Mary Matalin is down with the youth! She likes to listen to the Skrill-Ex while using her Tweeter. She's hip to the street, yo!
ReplyDeleteMust have been in some heavy shit.
ReplyDelete"The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation."
ReplyDeleteThis is the worst thing I have ever heard anyone say about the Republican party.
Finally, my love of steampunk will pay off!
ReplyDeleteWe look at Henninger's column--and a whole bunch of other "The GOP is teh greatest evar!!11!!!" scribblings and we're astounded at the apparent disconnect from reality.
ReplyDeleteBut the fact of the matter is that there are literally millions of our fellow citizens who believe what they're told DESPITE the proof before their own eyes. Consider supermarkets. There are now essentially two types of supermarket--those with member or "discount" cards and those without. If you look at the actual prices being charged in each type, you'll find that the ones with the cards start with prices that are typically 30- to 200% higher than their non-card counterparts. (Classic example: Hagen Daz single-serving cup is $1.00 at non-card supermarket, $1.50 at member-card supermarket but they'll cut 10cents off the price if you have the card.)
Despite the plainly obvious price gouging, patrons of the member-card supermarkets are convinced that they're saving a bundle because at the end of every purchase the cashier tells them "You saved $XX!"
So Henninger calling the current criminal crop "the best in a generation" is exactly the same kind of marketing ploy. Anybody with eyes, ears and three functioning brain cells should be able to see this is complete nonsense. Yet, millions will read it and nod along.
So close - just two letters off.
ReplyDelete"Fresh face young scam" FTFY
ReplyDeletewe're astounded at the apparent disconnect from reality.
ReplyDeleteThere's your first mistake.
Well, well, well. I see that the republicans are in two houses, like The Moon between two houses a mexican puppet company!!! Wake up sheeple, unplug their power cords!!!
ReplyDeleteBut, but, when Sarah winked!!
ReplyDeleteI would like to stand at the front of the Titanic with this comment and then fake my death because it gets boring and I can go back to being a rent boy in Old London Town.
ReplyDeleteI guess it must be some new hack-MBA buzzspeek like "rainmaker", but didn't "lamplighter" used to mean "John LeCarre assassin"?
ReplyDeleteThey are going through the motions.
ReplyDeleteGah. I dont want to know anything about Mary Matalin's tweeter.
ReplyDeleteI starbursted all over myself, AK. Don't tell anyone.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to provide this comment with a handful of Wet Wipes and a big, fluffy towel.
ReplyDeleteOh, by the way, this is the best thing in history (see image)
ReplyDeletePatricia Heaton. Well? Who else is left?
ReplyDeleteIf Baby Jeebus really loves me, the dwarf they hire will in fact be Tyrion Lannister.
ReplyDeleteNo, the scalphunters were the assassins. The lamplighters were the advance men.
ReplyDeleteGastarbeit macht frei.
ReplyDeleteWhere Is the GOP's Jay Carney?
ReplyDeleteStanding in an unemployment line.
Republicans need a party spokesman who is smart, articulate, credible and TV-savvy.
ReplyDeleteSorry, you can't have a smart, articulate spokesman when your policies are dumb and incoherent.
On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth
He's missing an indefinite article here- I leave it to you good people to figure out where.
They are the People of the Amygdala.
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ReplyDelete....that....would explain a LOT about some people, of my acquaintaince....
ReplyDeleteVince Vaughn, of course.
ReplyDeleteOn the contrary, people are germs
ReplyDelete...you mean unified around a growth.
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