SHORTER ELIZABETH SCALIA*: Maureen Dowd is very juvenile about gay so-called "marriage"! Let me make the grown-up Catholic counterargument: Dicks fit better in pussies than in assholes.

*Mean fake nun when she's off-duty.

(And that's just the tip of the yikes!berg; my second-favorite bit is "I am not sure gay fulfillment rests in adopting heterosexual norms, either" -- she's only keeping those norms away from them for their own good! -- but there are many others you could pick over, had you the same perverse taste in abnormal psychology case studies as I.)

UPDATE. Several of you do share my taste, you poor devils (Doghouse Riley: "Maureen Dowd was vapid and incoherent? And you think this means you win?"). Scalia's interest in "the two shall become one flesh" puts Hell's Littlest Angel in mind of David Cronenberg, but it reminded me of Robert P. George.