LET US CLASP HANDS OVER THE GLORY HOLE. I think I have found new ground for right-left consensus. National Review's Kathryn J. Lopez praises "Nip/Tuck" for having what she interprets as an anti-abortion sub-plot. The famously prudish Lopez admits that "Nip/Tuck" is "one of the most risque shows on television" and "the target (for good reason) of conservative scorn for the 'utter depravity of its sensationalism,'" but abortion's such a big deal for her, and any sign of opposition to it so redeeming, that in the end she says of the show "God bless it — even with all its immorality and downright nonsense..."

So here's the deal: let's have hardcore porn on network TV. Let it all hang out -- Beast, BDSM, bukkake, whatever. And we'll sell ad space to conservative action groups.

Every twelve minutes the Church of Latter-Day Saints will come on and show us some chopped-up fetuses. Then, back to the high-def sucking and fucking!

It's the sort of thing TiVo was made for.