It's by Patrick Howley at The Daily Caller. Spencer believes it to be "officially the Dumbest Thing on the Internet. It’s like a Derp Unicorn vomited derp in a bucket full of derp..." I am more cautious only because I've seen the vastness of their derp mines. But this one is pretty ridiculous.
Howley bases his ravings on a paper, humorously titled "My Eyes Are Up Here..." (Howley doesn't seem to get the joke, however often he's heard it), about measuring men's attentiveness to women's breasts, the existence of which he links, on no basis, to a harassment suit and a "social media uproar." Presto, Liberal Fascism!
This is the kind of study MSNBC commentators can hold up when they’re talking about 'rape culture. Because men are just all Bashar al-Assad and sex is their chemical weapon... This is what the progressives exist to do. They take away our activities.It's getting so you can't even wave a Confederate flag anymore. Well, you can wave it, but people will make fun of you. Maybe not real people, but the people in your head, like those MSNBC commentators in Patrick Howley's head who say he can't look at tits. And now that'll happen every time!
Oh, there's also this:
Ladies, how are you going to feel when the progressives prohibit men from paying you a compliment on your walk home from the bar? You know there’s always one friend of yours who waited all night for that.Well, you can't say those How to Talk to Women for the Party lessons were totally in vain.
UPDATE. Big_bad_bald_bastard in comments:
It's weird that their compulsion to disparage women outweighs their desire to get laid by non-professionals.Yeah. If you like tits, there are all kinds of easy and fun ways to regard and admire them. For someone who's all HEY I'M LOOKING AT YOUR TITS YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, access to breasts is at best a secondary goal -- perhaps a gesture of support/establishment of bond with other grudge-ridden psychos whose proudest boast is that they are Victims of Political Correctness (understandable, as "Recipient of Wingnut Welfare" and "Dateless Wanker" are far less exalted titles).
Consent is facism! Strike a blow for freedom today.
ReplyDeleteLadies, how are you going to feel when the progressives prohibit men from paying you a compliment on your walk home from the bar? You know there’s always one friend of yours who waited all night for that.
ReplyDeleteI think he's already settled on the title of his autobiography Facefull of Mace: The Patrick Howley Story.
How brave he is to strike a blow for the creepy weirdos that make life a bit more miserable for any woman that leaves the house. Next he will stand up for pervy creeps that rub up against women in the subway and peeping toms trying to catch a glimpse of what goes on in the women's restroom.
ReplyDeleteI saw this article today. It was tough for me to hold my tongue. It's a really ridiculous article.
ReplyDeleteAfter all, who could possibly OPPOSE jailing men for looking at women?
*sigh*. Gotta be quick around here, eh? Well fuck, here's mine, anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou know there’s always one friend of yours who waited all night for that.
Which is why the pepper spray is in your hand, not down in the bottom of your purse, where it spent the night, waiting...
...And the continuing efforts of the conservative movement to assimilate Men's Rights Activists continues apace.
ReplyDeleteI don't normally go in for this kind of thing, but...does anyone else wonder about Howley's love life? I can't find much about him, other than a Wikipedia page that reeks of vanity article. I do now know that he's only 24 years old. That seems a little young for him to be the creepy guy on the bus, but seriously...you've got the suggestion that ogling women is a hobby comparable to skiing. You've got his failing to understand why someone might not appreciate "a once-over [and] a polite grin" (yep, nothing a woman likes more than when a stranger stares at her chest for five seconds, then looks her in the eye and smiles). And for the few brave enough to make it to page two, you've got what sounds suspiciously like a fantasy of a man who's drunken leering at a woman's "hot tits" (serious conservative publication!) leads to a marriage with a good Christian conservative daughter who presumably doesn't mind it when strange men give her the hairy eyeball. It sounds a little atavistic, is all I'm saying.
I wonder if medical science is hip to the new wingnut brain virus: Derpes...
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm not saying that sticking a running video camera into a shopping bag and hanging out on a crowded subway is any kind of noble pursuit. But it's one more freedom.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what else? A lot of women like it.
ReplyDeleteHer lips said "no" but her eyes said "yes." Unfortunately, her stun gun also said "no."
Fucker Carlson is a magnet for stupid, isn't he? Ah, well, one can't accuse him of not setting an example for his serfs, can one?
ReplyDeleteFirst we banned mashing, then getting fresh, now ogling!
ReplyDeleteThe sad part is, looks like this was that kid's first proper article. Before this, they had him as a "staff reporter" (bloggers speak for a guy who gets about five bucks a day to repost stories from serious outlets). Finally, someone gave him a chance and this is what he came up with.
ReplyDeleteI think he was going for "edgy" with this. I don't know - writing a homage to playing pocket pool on your daily commute might be a little too edgy.
Wow, thanks for the "Heads up," Patrick. I too am leery about the creep of nanny-statism, so I appreciate your attempt to nip this in the butt.
ReplyDeleteUpvoted for the bold lack of sarcasm tags, which gets me into trouble all the time.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying not to stare at this comment's hot tips, but I can't stop.
ReplyDeleteLiberal men learn to ogle women discreetly. It's training for infiltrating beloved American institutions and destroying them from the inside.
ReplyDeleteWorst. Penthouse Forum letter. Ever.
ReplyDeleteFrom the guy who now has to cover his face so as not to look at a hot girl’s tits, to the girl whose tits can no longer be looked at, to the friend of the girl who could have laughed when it happened, to the bar owner standing outside who could have lured them both in for a drink, to the husband’s small business partner who knows the story of how they met and smirks about it over dinner, to the daughter at their 30th anniversary party who decided that she just wanted to be a full-time mom and raise her kids Christian and send them to private school and she was proud of her decisions in life.
If you want a good Christian country of nuclear families with stay-at-home mothers: tell your sons to stare at breasts, and invite strangers into bars on the basis of their tits, because nothing says stable relationship like trying to pick up women on the street.
Yes, thanks. It's good to be kept abreast of niggardly liberal behavior. Is there no End to their perfidy?
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like wish fulfillment, doesn't it? It's like that high school fantasy where if you're nice to the girl for long enough, she'll eventually discover how perfect they are for each other. Only, instead of "opening doors for her," it's "staring down her blouse like he paid for the privilege."
ReplyDeletePocket pool? Really? Man...I do feel out of it now.
ReplyDeleteI'm really confused about the great chain of being in this part--aren't we missing something grammatical From..to...what? Also, doesn't the woman kind of vanish from this story? Her tits are seen, she is lured in for a drink, seems to accidentally get married and then its thirty years later and her daughter has some kind of agency but what happened to her for thirty years. I'm honestly confused.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, you'd think the stereotypical schmibertarian ogler and the
ReplyDeletepearl-clutching Bible-humping anti-sex pecksniff would have a hard time
finding common political ground ... until you remember that it's largely
about contempt for women, coupled with an inability to understand the
word "consent." Boys will be boys; marriageable women will be pure and untainted; and filthy sluts will be both available and punished.
He doesn't literally talk about that, but it's in between the lines. That piece couldn't be more masturbatory if the header image was a self-shot of his own crotch.
ReplyDeleteThis seems creepily reminiscent of how women get harassed online. First, a woman says rape jokes are bad or sexist video games are bad. Then, a shit-storm of OMG censorship oppression tyranny feminazi Obamacare!!!!
ReplyDeleteOf course, that's how they react to everything, but it seems particularly acute on gender issues.
Yeah, it's genuinely confusing. The smirking business partner really throws me -- he figures more prominently than the woman. The rest of it seems to be the chaotic world vision of a lonely kid who has no idea how to talk to girls and is a little angry at / afraid of them because of it; consequently alcohol is part of his success equation -- he seems unable to imagine getting anywhere without it. But the prominence of the business partner, and that smirk -- that shit worries me.
ReplyDeleteI read a bunch of those comments and didn't find one woman among them. Sorta telling -- to anyone who's paying attention over there. Which is no one. I did enjoy this derpy exchange -- where two commenters really give 110%:
ReplyDeleteCommenter #1: Simple solution - - Wear a burka.
Commenter #2: Exactly what they want. Sharia in America.
Is there a word for when people are absurd with zero awareness of it? Maybe a German word -- that would fit our idiom.
And butt pustule Limbaugh sez you she ask laydeez to have their gazongas stop staring at men's eyes. Yay, team.
ReplyDelete"Dear Penthoufe Forum: I'm an Upftanding Puritan man in a small New Englande town. I never dream't this woulde happen to me, but yester-fortnight, whilst contemplating my copy of Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, I espied a modest, comely woman, all in black y-clad, whose eyes verily did meet mine for a fleeting second. Well! You can imagine the mortifications I was compelled to visit upon my flesshe to atone for this unchaste incident..."
ReplyDeleteYou seriously can't be surprised that women have a habit of vanishing from his narratives.
ReplyDeleteGood ol' Rusty, Ass-cyst-ant Prof of Derpitology, Teabag U.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I too find it really terrifying when liberals hold "purity balls," have their children exchange "chastity rings," and advocate for women to dress demurely. Sharia in America, complete with mandatory gay sex and abortions!
ReplyDeleteYeah, somewhere out there, the Continental is reassuring himself that at least he's not this guy.
ReplyDeleteO Rose, thou art sick.
ReplyDeleteThe invisible worm
That flies in the night
In the howling storm
Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
—William Blake
"sheisskoph nicht wissend" (Unaware shithead) might do, if a bit unweildy. "Sheisskoph" pretty much covers it...
ReplyDeleteAnd he adds,( Liberals) “just despise (human nature) … and try to alter it and change it and create it.
ReplyDeleteNope. Not that at all. I dream of a world free of bathroom goblins and public dick-handlers and guys who will never get beyond staring up their own arseholes long enough to wonder what someone else even thinks.
Now I know why Republicans are so afraid we're going to jail them.
It's not just that they have a trouble understanding consent, it's more that the whole idea of it pisses them off.
Their id is indistinguishable from Charles Manson's.
You must have missed the memo. Deranged opposition to the HPV vaccine has already gone from the fringe to the mainstream. http://mikethemadbiologist.com/2013/12/06/why-we-fight-anti-vaccinationism/
ReplyDeleteYou seriously can't be surprised that women have a habit of vanishing from his narratives.
ReplyDeleteWell, the guy running the video camera keeps cropping her face out of the frame....
More thinking about the daughter -- it's okay for the daughter to have agency because she is the one female in the universe who he can't look at in a sexual way. So she's the one female who gets to have all the agency she wants.
ReplyDeleteOf course, in his narrative, she only uses that to be Christian -- so much so that she insists on being uncontaminated by a career or even association with the public schools. She has agency, sure -- but uses it to remove herself from the civil sphere. She exists entirely within the home, in the confines of parenting.
It is interesting that a husband surely exists -- but isn't mentioned, because if we mention him then we have to imagine the dastardly male who violates this pure vessel. Of course, in the writer's head, it is male prerogative to stare at boobs, then try to swing the boobed into bars and use the ol' alcohol assist to get married... a smirk-worthy reality that everyone respectable will, after wedding day, refuse to acknowledge openly. But the smirk-worthy reality he advocates must not be imagined as applying to his future daughter. She, he respects (presuming she never makes a major decision he'd find it hard to be proud of). She remains pure.
It's super fucked up.
Yeah, like the Right isn't trying to change human nature, what with punishing the poors for being poor and the blacks for being black and the 51% of the population without a penis for not having a Y chromosome... I mostly can't get over how they'll pull their own hair out over giving a laid-off foundry worker 10,000/year in unemployment benefits but not bat an eye about the 40,000+/year he'll cost after he's convicted of holding up a bank.
ReplyDeleteUnder the totalitarian grip of the liberal nanny-state, employing the cruel, ruthless tentacles of the Ministry of Social Niceties and its squads of Imaginary Enjoyment Police, dudebros could now suffer the mental inconvenience of pausing to consider before engaging in lewd, creepy behavior.
ReplyDeleteI woulds't like to afk this comment to The Rev. Edwards' sermon on thiss Lorde's Day.
ReplyDeleteOh, "Arschloch" will do just fine.
ReplyDeleteI'm also confused how the anti-sex puritans of the Sharia Left are also the same people as the wanton, ambisexual Dionysian hedonist Left.
ReplyDeleteSo, from the sound of it, the guys at the Daily Caller office must be constantly staring at Howley's penis, 'cuz he's down with that, man.
ReplyDeleteHowley: It’s already started. There was the Massachusetts secretary who sued her boss for staring at her breasts.
Already started? The Massachusetts case he fucking links to is from 2006, and it was summarily dismissed. There is nothing they are not dishonest about.
This is why conservatives will own the future of this country, and progressive leadership will fall by the wayside. Americans in nursing homes don’t like their activities being taken away. But that nurse who comes in Tuesdays for hip rehabilitation? She’s just fine.
What the hell does this even mean?
Patrick Howley has a different take on ogling when he is the target:
ReplyDeleteI can’t even walk around DuPont Circle on early autumn evenings or interact with male bank tellers without getting eyed down like a side of ribs. It’s not even flattering. I know why it happens. I only get it because I’m skinny and I look like I’d be a bottom. It’s demeaning, really.
http://dailycaller.com/2013/11/05/gays-now-totally-boring-enda-struggle-reveals/
In the conservative mind, this is not inconsistency.
ReplyDeleteAlso, doesn't the woman kind of vanish from this story? Her tits are
ReplyDeleteseen, she is lured in for a drink, seems to accidentally get married and
then its thirty years later and her daughter
She's objectified, married off, and then procreates a good Christian woman. Not sure what more you want here, Aimai, that wouldn't put the Republic at risk.
Conservatives are all: Let's play some fucking scrabble motherfuckers!
ReplyDeleteLiberals are like: The nurse isn't coming Tuesday because she says she's going to kill the next pants shitter she catches looking at her ass.
That's because cute girls can get away with anything.
ReplyDeleteLike that?
Well, they're fucking, they're just not fucking Patrick Howley, I think is how it works.
ReplyDeleteStrolling Dupont Circle fair
ReplyDeleteOgling boobs in early autumn
Tis my prerogative to stare
Not yours to think me bottom
Boy. Women sure are a pain. Too bad we have brains and stuff. Crap like this makes me glad I'm old.
ReplyDeletethe comment had points of its own…set way up high.
ReplyDeleteIt's all in the timing--right after mention of Dear Leader, while the chick is gazing heavenward whilst throwing up a sharp libruhlnazi salute, you have about a 3-second window to get a good eyeful.
ReplyDeleteRead the comments. "Liberals want a caliphate." "Insane" doesn't begin to describe it. One says something like "Liberals are all insane fascists." It's a combination of adolescent pouting and mass-murderer diary entries.
ReplyDeleteWake up, Aimai. You ARE out of it. Just like the rest of us.
ReplyDeleteThis comment is def one of the Elect.
ReplyDelete"I mostly can't get over how they'll pull their own hair out over giving a laid-off foundry worker 10,000/year in unemployment benefits but not bat an eye about the 40,000+/year he'll cost after he's convicted of holding up a bank."
ReplyDeleteI can. As long as they ain't at the business end of their authoritarian wet-dreams, it's all cool.
The Bush Tetras say "Too Many Creeps"; Patrick Howley says "Not enough".
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqn-1z-B4CM
Methinks he probably likes being demeaned (consensually, of course) in certain situations.
ReplyDeleteNo. Fucking. Way.
ReplyDeleteHe really wrote both pieces of "objectivity?"
Read the comments. "Liberals want a caliphate."
ReplyDeleteWe're just using Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga to heighten the contradictions.
Who let you out of the kitchen to post on the internets?
ReplyDeletewow.
ReplyDeleteWhat woman could resist first crack at this:
ReplyDeletehttp://patrickhowleydotnet.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/marlboro-reds-2.jpg
Certainly true of his employment. After all, how demeaning must it be to admit working for The Daily Cholera.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like one of those sidebar ads: Why all those cruise ship cabins go unsold!
ReplyDeleteZounds, that essay is something. Its premise is that gays were a lot sexier when they were shut out of civil society. Back then (he says) gayness was "unfettered by the Cloroxed asexuality of
ReplyDeletethe progressive movement," and so "reached glorious climaxes" of creativity (dressing in corsets & being ironic, plus the "oozing" paintbrush of Hockney) -- climaxes that were the natural result of living in "a fundamentally libertarian
country."
So discriminatory laws + oppressive social mores = libertarian sex paradise. I'm also not sure how the newly Cloroxed-into-asexuality gays of progressivism are able to give him such bedroomy eyes that he becomes uncomfortable. But I do know here's a guy who thinks forbidden sex is better than, uh, bidden. I gather that's common among conservatives. I don't get it.
We don't really hear that much about the husband, but it's enough to tell us his name is Gary Stu.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a favorite observation about the treatment of women in Victorian novels: "She gave birth between two paragraphs."
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good analysis of the way both the daughter and christianity/sexuality fit in to this story. You can also tell that in his fantasy the daughter is protected from the gaze of drunken men because she is one tough mama--she chooses christianity and its a damned muscular format and she chooses isolation from the public world so she presumably is too busy to even walk on the streets to be ogled. Probably drives everywhere in a minivan, from homeschooling event to soccer field, in with bumperstickers with a Christian fish shooting an atheist.
ReplyDeleteI believe the the sermon will be "Sinners Handling Themselves Like Angry Gods".
ReplyDeleteI want to know how much money he makes that he got her to marry him! But I think thats implied with the drunken, smirky, business partner. He's an entrepreneur.
ReplyDeleteWas she wearing a scarlet letter B, for boobies?
ReplyDeleteI think moominpapa was alluding to that.
ReplyDeleteBut even more than that, BigHank, they explicitly don't believe in human nature. The entire of the far right believes explicitly that if you don't force children to enact and re-enact the proper sex/gender roles at all times that the child may begin to be and think all "wrong." These are the people who are hysterically opposed to dressing boys in pink or girls in blue for fear it will turn them gay. These are people who obsess about all the ways a woman earning money emasculates her husband. These are people who think that kids wearing saggy pants need to be tasered to correct them. How the authoritarian right gets off pretending that their motto is "if it feels good, do it" and "its natural" is beyond me. They are totally "as the twig is bent, so grows the tree" and because it involves twisting something they are all for it.
ReplyDeleteBecause they don't get no vig from the UI benefits, but they do get a cut of the privatized prison industry.
ReplyDeleteIt's a combination of adolescent pouting and mass-murderer diary entries. But you repeat yourself. Or maybe I mean
ReplyDeleteIn Russia, Mass Murderer diary pouts you.
Okay, speaking as a liberal who's also a big fan of both tits and ass, I'm here to serve notice to Patrick Howley: You're doing it wrong. Taking a quick peek and going on with your life is fine. If you want to start a conversation and see where it leads, more power to you. (In your case, you'll need it.) But you don't stand there gaping and fiddling with your dick. Strippers are paid to put up with that shit.
ReplyDeleteAlso, in re this:
Women are like Indians now.
What the fuck is that?
I feel there's a shakespeare joke in that, somewhere.
ReplyDeleteAll available rents must be sought!
ReplyDeleteI have a bad feeling that as we speak, Rush Limbaugh's music director is setting that passage to Frank Sinatra's "Here's to the Winners."
ReplyDeleteThat essay, which everyone should read, is a masterpiece. But it reminds me of nothing so much as the single episode of Sex and the City that I ever saw: one character finds out that the lesbian women have all the money and fun and she takes up with them and sees life as she has never seen it before, goes to all their swanky parties, and is invited on all their glamorous trips. But eventually they figure out she's not really one of them and they tell her she either starts rug munching or she's out. Its like he dreamt of being transgressive by proxy, and perhaps also that all these talented, artistic, gay guys would lust after him and he'd be invited to their parties and just benefit from it and pick up the girls they weren't fucking. But now they are just like anyone else. They don't need to hanker after the straight guy and they don't need to invite him to their parties. He's nothing special anymore.
ReplyDeleteYou expect him to write about a chick who has an inner life and opinions and shit, even after getting pregnant? His audience's willing suspension of disbelief couldn't handle it.
ReplyDeletet's super fucked up.
ReplyDeleteSrsly. When your imaginary sex object morphs into an ideological sockpuppet, pathology has truly set in.
Yup. But I upvoted her comment anyway, for demonstrating how my bold lack of sarcasm tags keeps getting me into trouble.
ReplyDeleteAccording to Wonkette, Limbaugh's got this issue on the front burner too.
ReplyDeleteOh, right, I remember this one. He also presented himself as a balding, middle-aged man in this one, right?
ReplyDeleteHoly Poe's law, Batman! I had to click on that link to make sure you weren't making it up. He's considerate enough to open with the ideal straight (wink wink) line:
ReplyDeleteGays have become totally boring, this reporter has learned.
Something tells me they learned the same thing about him, in about half the time.
They're mental Furries.
ReplyDeleteThis nicely bookends with the Lee Siegal piece Tbogg is laughing at where Lee is all upset that his kids are exposed to sex on his TeeVee and computer screen.
ReplyDeleteLee's upset that he has to look at women's bodies. Patrick and Limbaugh are upset that they're not supposed to - or that someone knows how naughty they are.
In the form of a direct quote, no less:
ReplyDelete"Bless thee, Bottom! bless thee! thou art translated."
Aye, She Wearethe Ye Baeckweards B Uponnne Her Tunicke
ReplyDeleteMan has so many opiates running through his system he might actually think breasts have optic nerves.
ReplyDeleteLiberals want to stop men from checking out women.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming these women must be in binders down at the public library.
Seriously, though. Liberals don't want men looking at women, while conservatives want to shove foreign objects up women's vaginas. Howley has presented the ladeez with a stark choice here.
Miss Rudolph had an eye tattooed on one of hers.
ReplyDeleteI get genital derpes when I drink too much.
ReplyDeleteI’ve made it onto alicublog? I’ll be damned. It’s a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YaaZZN9VYs”>Festivus miracle</a>.
ReplyDeleteHe’s everything you want in a pompous moron wingnut. Truly, he is a vision of douchiness.
ReplyDeleteChris Muir's "Day by Day" cartoons will provide endless employment for researchers in this field, like that poor lady whose cancer cells are still propagating and being studied decades after her death.
ReplyDeleteWell, on the other sock covered hand, its still all about you so some people probably think that's about as good as it gets.
ReplyDelete"Exit, pursued by a bear"?
ReplyDeleteIts like a Christmas boomerang of sarcasm and snark!
ReplyDeleteAnd then there's this one, where he sports a well-deserved shiner on his left eye.
ReplyDeleteIt's the Douchesignal! To the Douchemobile!
ReplyDeleteI still can't get past how many jobs will be lost in small, locally owned bars all over small-town America. Tits for jobs!
ReplyDeleteIt's the signal that he swings both ways: libertarian and Tea Party.
ReplyDeleteFreedonload Apps
ReplyDeleteLatest Apps
Online Apps
This doesn't really fit, what what the hell.
ReplyDeleteI tell you, with me nothing works out. I always get stuck. That's how I got my name, RODNEY DANGERFIELD.
When I went into show business I saw an ad in the paper. It said: "Improve Your Personalilty..." So, I went to see the man.
He told me my personality was okay but my name was my problem.
I said to him, "My name? How could a name be a problem? Even William Shakespeare said, 'What's in a name?"
He said, "Who?"
I said, "William Shakespeare."
He said, "Look, do you want to listen to me or do you want to listen to your friends?"
I said to him, "I don't understand. Is it good to change your name?"
He said, "Of course I always keep changing my name. In fact, right now I can give you a very good deal. I can give you a new name for five hundred dollars".
I said, "Five hundred dollars! That's a lot of money."
He said, "It's a great name. It's a name once people hear it, they'll start saying it."
I said, "What's the name?"
He said, "Rodney Dangerfield."
I said, "RODNEY DANGERFIELD?"
He said, "See, you just heard it, and your're starting to say it! Listen to me, take the name."
I said, "Wait a minute. Suppose I use the name and I don't like it. Can I bring it back?" He said, "Of course. All I ask is one thing. While you're using the name, don't give it a bad name!"
So I decided to call myself Rodney Dangerfield. As soon as I got home, I thought to myself I made a mistake. I called the guy up. I said, "Look, I want my money back. This is Rodney Dangerfield."
He said, "Who?"
I said, "Dangerfield! Don't you remember?"
He said, "Oh, yeah, Shakespeare's friend."
He looks like Ian Curtis if Ian Curtis didn't read books.
ReplyDeletethey're just not fucking Patrick Howley
ReplyDeleteIt's not an exclusive club. In fact, you might be surprised how easy it is to join the not-fucking-Patrick-Howley club.
...to the bar owner standing outside who could have lured them both in for a drink...
ReplyDeleteDoesn't that mostly happen with touts outside of strip clubs?
What, you didn't have an acceptance speech already written? ;)
ReplyDeleteI think that it means that he's really 90 years old. he certainly writes like that
ReplyDeleteYou are too bold, Sir!
ReplyDeleteHe's lost control.
ReplyDeleteIt's not progressives who don't want Patrick Howley looking at women, it's women who don't want Patrick Howley looking at women.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya! Not only am I a liberal, but I am an unapologetic ass man, indeed, according to Google, I am the unapologetic ass man. Go on, you know you want to Google it.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, you don't go up to a woman and say, "you have a really great ass", there are plenty of compliments that won't get you a slap in the face, though "you have an enticingly large forehead" is not one of them.
♫He's a rebel 'cause he never ever does what he should
ReplyDeleteHe;s a rebel and he'll never ever be any good ♫
*shudder*
ReplyDeleteI've been to "Day by Day" and I have no intention of going back.
This of course reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield:
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm more of an ass man, because people are always telling me, "You're an ass, man.
It's not the picture itself that gets me. It's the fact that it's not only captioned 'Marlboro reds' to signal to you that he's the kind of douchebag who thinks that smoking reds makes you look hard, it's that it's 'Marlboro reds 2', suggesting that this is the second such picture this dude has foisted on humanity.
ReplyDeleteArguing with straw men, you stand slightly less chance of suffering an ignominious rhetorical defeat.
ReplyDeletehttp://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2011/10/21/1319209578264/The-Straw-Man-1963-002.jpg
I don't know if there are any gay bars called The Sea-coast of Bohemia, but there damn well should be.
ReplyDeleteIs there a word for when people are absurd with zero awareness of it? Maybe a German word
ReplyDeleteI calls it "Irreversible Frontal Lobe Injury", but YMMV.
Though "Anosagnosia" is shorter.
these women must be in binders down at the public library.
ReplyDeleteIIRC that was a Fritz Leiber story.
http://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/title.cgi?41489
The funny thing about this opposition to "progressives" telling them not to catcall women is that it only hurts them. It's weird that their compulsion to disparage women outweighs their desire to get laid by non-professionals. This whole thing smacks of the bizarre "Elevatorgate" when all of the butthurt MRA types excoriated a woman who was just giving them some friendly, sensible advice.
ReplyDeleteIt means that conservatives will own the future because they have the pervy octogenarian vote sewn up.
ReplyDeleteI would like to be bundled with this comment for at least a fortnight.
ReplyDeleteI'm the president. You can get a laminated membership card for a small fee.
ReplyDeleteStraw is really scratchy and it can poke you in the eye if you're not careful.
ReplyDeleteI'm really enjoying your "wingnut art history" series, Smut!
ReplyDeleteThat was a good one.
ReplyDeleteOT, but...
ReplyDelete**MANUFACTURED OUTRAGE TSUNAMI WARNING**
http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/barack-obama-raul-castro-shake-hands-at-mandela-memorial-1.2457898
Did he actually pick that picture? It looks like he's getting beaten up by a ghost.
ReplyDeleteIt's not just that they have a trouble understanding consent, it's more that the whole idea of it pisses them off.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right and this is the crux of the biscuit. They don't REALLY believe people on the left are prudes, they've said as much over and over(and over and over), the whole "Sandra Fluke is slutty" thing showed that, as does everything they say about abortion and birth control coverage. The only "activity" he's hankering for that folks on the left disapprove of is being an asshole.
It's a dumb wingnut indeed who can argue with a strawman and still lose. Princess Dumbass of the Northwoods comes to mind.
ReplyDeleteBut the smirk-worthy reality he advocates must not be imagined as applying to his future daughter. She, he respects (presuming she never makes a major decision he'd find it hard to be proud of). She remains
ReplyDeletepure.
That to me was the weirdest part of a very weird story. Either ogling is OK or it isn't. If it's not OK for his daughter's boobs to be ogled, how was it OK for somebody else's daughter?
WRT the whole Rebecca Watson/Skepchick thing, I think I've said something here before about the irony of self-proclaimed skeptics not willing to be skeptical regarding their own assumptions; I've since come to conclude that a lot of so-called skeptics really just want to be right about everything, and even the mere possibility that they may be wrong just kicks the stool out from underneath them.
ReplyDeleteThat Siegel rant--Jesus F-stop Christ, he really and truly goes for the "It was only cool when the Boomers did it" play.
ReplyDeleteThat's a face that you'd never get tired of throwing a drink into.
ReplyDeleteMust be all those lesbians, wanting to steal women from a bro (and not let him watch).
ReplyDeleteAlso 2 legit 2 quit.
ReplyDeletethe guy who now has to cover his face so as not to look at a hot girl’s tits
ReplyDeleteNext in Dhimmitude Today: Will a bro be forced to wear a murqa?
"Frotteur" and "frater" are pretty close to the same thing, you know.
ReplyDeleteIt kicks the stool out from under them, but there is plenty of stool left.
ReplyDeletethere are plenty of compliments that won't get you a slap in the face,
ReplyDeletethough "you have an enticingly large forehead" is not one of them.
Dude, if that was a Klingon, you were making progress.
It reminds me of how the editor of my college newspaper decided to go out in his own snickering flames of glory: by writing a "thanks for the mammaries" (this was the actual title) editorial directed to breast cancer survivors. My read at the time was that he got hooked on the juvenile word-play of the title and then just went completely insane with puns about cutting off boobs. This piece feels like a blast from that past in many, many ways, all of them disgusting.
ReplyDelete"totally boring" - it's always projection with these guys.
ReplyDeleteDanke, mein Herr.
ReplyDeleteBible-humping anti-sex pecksniff
ReplyDeleteGotta be the Leftospherian Word of the Month...
Dammit, my ogling is protected by the Constitution. And your sweater is too baggy!
ReplyDeleteHe could't get his mom to take off work to button it up for him before he tock the picture, maybe.
ReplyDeleteGetrankpfeifengesicht
ReplyDeleteI imagine he believes he's SMOKIN'!!, but, y'know, he's only smoking.
ReplyDeleteSmirky douchebasket is smirky. And a douchebasket.
ReplyDeleteI have never learned to do that. I've been a leerer all my life, and I'll be one til I day. And when I see a blithe spirit, clothed in diaphanous garments which, although within the bounds of modesty, enhance rather than conceal the beauty of the feminine form, my eyes nearly jump from their sockets. And then, of course, my glance travels downward to their ankles. Nothing like a neat pair of ankles.
ReplyDeleteAnd they had better elbows when I was young. In those days women cared about their elbows.
ReplyDeleteFeminism: self-evidently bad for laughter, small business, smirking reminiscence, anniversary parties, pride in life decisions, AND Christianity.
ReplyDeleteA waste of good liquor. A waste of bad liquor, too.
ReplyDeleteG-d spare me from having Rush Limbaugh ever look at me in any context, let alone that one. 'Scuse me, gotta go shower, fully clothed, because I'm too grossed out to get naked even behind a locked bathroom door.
ReplyDeleteYes, this! I'm probably the nearest thing to a real, card-carrying Man-Hating Feminist around here (although I honest to goodness don't actually hate men), but you know, fellas, discretion is the better part of valour. And ogling. Seriously, nobody likes it when some creep's eyes jump all over you like a poorly-trained Jack Russell Terrier. I'm pretty sure nobody actually minds discreet looking, though.
ReplyDeleteAlso, too, smoking is gross.
ReplyDeleteWell, yeah, that too.
ReplyDeleteI wish to be abducted forcibly by this comment.
ReplyDelete