THE PLAYING FIELDS OF EAT ME. Linked by Ole Perfesser Instapundit and The Volokh Conspiracy, Barry Rubin of Pajamas Media, on how they tried to make a pussy out of his boy.

It‘s something of a stretch to compare a soccer game among eleven-year-old boys with the fate of the democratic world, but I’ve always managed to see big issues in small things.

No doubt! Rubin's kid plays on a soccer team, but the coach won't let him win:

The coach is a nice guy, but seems an archetype of contemporary thinking: he tells the kids not to care about whether they win, puts players at any positions they want, and doesn’t listen to their suggestions.

This contradicts everything normal people know about American sports teams at any level, but I completely believe Rubin fils told him all that, though it would be much more believable in reverse order: He doesn't listen to us, and, and, he didn't put me in the right position, and, and, he disagrees with you politically, Dad!

And of course, the league gives trophies to everyone, whether their team finishes in first or last place.

Don't worry, this loathsome, un-American result will change mid-season, thanks to the Invisible Hand -- of Barry Rubin, kick-ass substitute coach!

When the opportunity came to step in as coach for one game, I jumped at the chance to try an experiment. I’ve never coached a sport before, and am certainly no expert at soccer despite my son’s efforts. Still, I thought the next game could be won by simply placing players in the positions they merited, and motivating them to triumph.

And how! Rubin moved the kids around as the Invisible Hand dictated -- "You don’t need Ayn Rand to tell you which way the wind blows" -- and gave them this pep talk:

Every week you’ve been told that the important thing is just to have a good time. Well, this week it’s going to be different. The number one goal is to win; the number two goal is to have a good time. But I assure you: if you win, you will have a much better time!

Suddenly these soccer kids, previously forced by Big Gummint to lose, were given permission to win! Imagine the result! No, you don't have to: Rubin tells us these Bad News Bears kicked ass! Not only that, they learned libertarian propaganda cheers:

One shouted from the sidelines something I thought showed real character: “Don’t let the good players do all the work!” Instinctively, he recognized that some players are better, but he wanted to bring everyone’s level up rather than down. I’m tempted to say he was going against what he was being taught in school.

And this anti-winning education Rubin perceived was traced to some of the parents:

Suddenly, I noticed that one boy’s mother was really angry at him, claiming he hadn’t showed good sportsmanship because he was too happy over the victory. Not seeing anything that might have provoked her outrage, I wondered whether this was a suggestion that one should apologize for winning. Still, the bawling out didn’t put a damper on his big smile.

Fuck you, Mom! I'll rub my crotch in the face of any stupid loser bitch I want!

Next week, of course, they will be back to losing.

Because the Invisible Hand requires Randian Supermen like Barry Rubin, "director of the Global Research in International Affairs (GLORIA) Center and editor of the Middle East Review of International Affairs (MERIA) Journal," to lead them to victory. Did you get the name? BARRY RUBIN!

As I said at the start, perhaps not too much should be read into this little parable. Yet the broader question may be the most significant issue of our time: why should Western democratic societies abandon the techniques and thinking that have led to such great success, in order to embrace failure as glorious or victory as shameful

Why indeed! Failures going back to Vietnam can be blamed on statist pro-losing coaches like General Westmoreland, but with the advent of Barry Rubin, America can defeat anyone: Iran, Russia, whoever! Just try him!

Those of you who have actual children have nothing to fear, unless some political nutcake offers to take over your kids' sports teams. Then, woe unto you, because most police departments have yet to be informed that there are predators out there with something other than a sexual agenda.