Tuesday, June 30, 2015

COMEBACK KIDS.

How goes the rear-guard, dead-ender attack on gay marriage? Hilariously! Have a look at this symposium at Opus Dei strokebook First Things featuring the Douthats of Tomorrow. Say what you will about snake-handlers and desert mystics, there's no crazier Christian than than Christian intellectual; they dress  like Chesterton and talk like the Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne. All the symposiasts  want to see overturned (or, in Scaliaese, o'erturned) not only Obergefell but also America's sexual freedoms in general. Some have interesting ideas as to how to achieve this. Hadley Arkes, who like many of his compatriots compares Obergefell to the Dred Scott decision (because having to live in a world with married gays is the same as slavery), suggests this:
...it must start with the voice that rings out the depth of the wrong and summons the resistance—that “this shall not stand.” We will learn here right away, from the reactions springing from our political class, just who among our political figures may be up the task and adequate to the moment. But it may not be a man in office, or someone running for anything. Rick Santelli, emitting a cri de coeur on CNBC, triggered the coming of the Tea Party movement. A Robert George, with the attention properly focused, might accomplish the same thing.
A Tea Party, only anti-gay! Presumably instead of tricorners and knee-breeches, they'll all dress in Eldridge Cleaver codpiece pants and other affectations of extreme butchness. And with Robert George as their inspirator! This would be the same Robert George who's been wowing the West for years with his rap about how "masturbatory, sodomitical, and other sexual acts which are not reproductive in type, cannot unite persons organically" and other such keep-it-in-your-pants perorations. Put him out on the town square with a bullhorn and watch the next Great Aweakening unfold. (Arkes also calls for a Constitutional Convention, which should go about as well as that schtick always does.)

Some are enraged by the brands who waved their rainbow flags for the decision, and want a holy boycott. Mark Bauerlein:
It’s time for conservatives to apply principles to their purses. Coca-Cola, ESPN, and Walmart are prominent cases of corporate culture warfare, and every time a conservative buys a Coke, watches SportsCenter, or enters the megastore, he helps them do their damage.
I can see the faces of Bauerlein's readers falling, then their wheels turning: Maybe they can drink Coke on the down-low.
No conservative likes to turn his consumption into a political act...
Ha ha -- no conservative, he says! Someone buy that cowboy some Chik-fil-A! Peter J. Leithart wants the brethren to cease with the happy-clappy love-one-another bogus Christianity and cut to the chaste:
And we might as well say it plainly: We oppose gay marriage because we believe homosexual acts are sinful, and we believe that for biblical and theological reasons. Unbelievers already know it. Let’s admit it.
Noted! Rabbi David Novak suggests they "stop co-officiating (i.e., along with the marriage license clerk) at civil weddings, and thus remove their names from the civil marriage registry" -- which is actually sensible, and so will probably not catch on, as his comrades seem to think that when a single God-botherer doesn't like a party it's the party that should leave, not him.

Some of them reach back to root causes, none further than Ephraim Radner, who has half decided that democracy itself is inconsistent with his religion:
Second, the vitality and moral usefulness of the liberal state is increasingly in question: has this form of rule by procedural decision-making served its purpose and collapsed under the weight of its own outsized reach? We are perhaps about to enter times of political revolution and re-inventing government analogous to the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries.
Maybe he can mob up with ISIS; really, what's for them to wrangle over except the name of God? Melinda Selmys, meanwhile, blames it all on the disastrous abandonment of arranged marriages. Once upon a time, there was forced marriage for the godly stuff, and "concubinage" for funsies:
The difficulty that presents traditional marriage in the modern world is that over several centuries we’ve undergone a major social shift. The keeping of mistresses or concubines stopped being socially acceptable at about the same time that the idea of “marrying for love” first started to gain traction in the public imagination. The institution of marriage began to change: the focus slowly shifted from the creation of family alliances and provision for the continuation of the line, to the happiness of the couple and the love that they have for one another. In the process, a lot of other concepts (consent, for example) also shifted. The relationship in which people joined their lives on a permanent basis in order to have children became, at the same time, the relationship in which people enjoyed intense erotic attraction and emotionally satisfying interactions.
Now, in a lot of ways this was a good development...
Marrying for love isn't all bad! See, she's meeting you halfway. But:
...Simply put, mutual responsibility towards offspring naturally demands a long-term commitment (at least eighteen years) while mutual attraction and erotic desire does not... The battle over the institution of marriage is basically a battle over which of these two purposes of marriage ought to have primacy.
So if you're not as sexually voracious as you were when you were 20, Selmys doesn't see why you stay in your otherwise meaningless modern marriage. Well, she might win a convert or two among unhappily-marrieds looking for a loophole.

But above all, whining -- always whining. "We have entered Canaan and been swallowed up before Moloch in the same way that Israel was enveloped by a surrounding religion of idolatrous violence," cries Radner. "On the bright side, we’ve entered an era that will make for some of the bravest Christians we’ve ever seen," consoles Mark Regnerus; we will see them huddled in the food courts, enduring the sight of men holding hands. Patrick Deneen compares himself and his buds to Solzhenitsyn, and wails:
What has been most striking all along is not the division, the passion, at times the vitriol. What has been most remarkable is the insistence by same-sex marriage proponents that all dissent be silenced—whether through threats of economic destruction, legal bludgeoning, and now, increasingly by appeal to the raw power of the State.
Did they have a straight Holocaust and I missed it?
The firing of Brendan Eich was a bellwether for what has now become a commonplace: the fanatical insistence that all opposition be squelched, and more—that even belief in an alternative view of marriage be eradicated.
Ah, Brendan Eich -- the rich CEO dismissed by his rich Board of Directors, and therefore a martyr (in fact Rod Dreher -- yeah, they couldn't have this party without him -- declares "We are all Brendan Eich now." I wish! I could probably live on his pool fees).  You know, if one of these Jesus freaks got as upset when, say, a minimum-wage worker got fired for talking to the Washington Post about her shitty job, maybe people would take them a little more seriously.

I'm tempted to say it wouldn't be half bad if an actual Gay Gulag appeared for them to be sent off to, but you can't even joke like that around these guys -- in an hour it'll be added to their list of oppressions. I'll say this for them -- their persecution mania is so intense it almost overpowers the smell of their gay-hate. Say, maybe that's the idea!

UPDATE. Had to gender-correct a pronoun for Hadley Arkes because the gay oppressors forced her to have a sex change. (No, actually he was always a man from what I know.) Also comments are so fun you should just dive in. For example, John Wesley Hardin reveals the revolutionary agenda: "'Taste the Rainbow' is now a diktat from our fabulous cultural commissars!" And there's this cautionary tale from Jay B.: "First they came for flowers and I said 'Since when did fags like flowers?' Then they came for the cake and I said 'Pastries are sacred.' Then there was no one to have cake and flowers with me." I think he speaks for us all.



442 comments:

  1. Frist! Ah! The good old days.


    But seriously folks--Eldridge Cleaver is responsible for rock out with your cock out? I've got nothing against codpieces but perhaps he might have noticed that, like all things masculine, it aims at evening out those little differences which make men nervous when they are forced to compare themselves to others. Any model of the penis sheathe (and they are quite common in Melanesia) that doesn't allow for some inflation, as it were, of the viewer's expectations, is doomed to failure. He could have made a million bringing back the Henry the VIII style.

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  2. I'm tempted to say it wouldn't be half bad if an actual Gay Gulag appeared for them to be sent off to, but you can't even joke like that around these guys -- in an hour it'll be added to their list of oppressions.

    In their most feverish persecution fantasies, they're all being sent to the Lavender Room of Pain.

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  3. susanoftexas2:00 PM

    "masturbatory, sodomitical, and other sexual acts which are not reproductive in type, cannot unite persons organically
    Is it Taco Tuesday again?

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  4. susanoftexas2:06 PM

    So it appears marriage is for the child, because a child must be raised by two parents. But kids are only around for 18 years (god willing); what about the other 40 years of marriage? Do you just hang around waiting for the kids to die?

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  5. Martin Pollard2:07 PM

    The Dark Knight Rises would've been a helluva different flick if it had gone that particular route. Which, come to think of it, would fit in perfectly with a XXX parody of it...

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  6. Martin Pollard2:08 PM

    Yes! Everything is awesome!

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  7. susanoftexas2:08 PM

    Oh thank god I was afraid I was the only person who watched that movie un-ironically.

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  8. susanoftexas2:15 PM

    Patrick Deenen: "the divisions in families will make what is to come like a Cold Civil War."
    Don't worry Patrick. We already avoid our shrill conservative relatives.

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  9. Mr. Aimai and I are about to celebrate 25 years together, 20 of them married, 19 of them with kids. I did not realize that there was an expiration date of 18 for our fidelity and even our enjoyment of each other's company. I guess I'd better try to have as much sex and affection as I can get before Thursday since apparently that will be the last time he can stand to look at me.

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  10. Cato the Censor2:17 PM

    Hadley Arkes forgot to say that she's Spartacus. So did all the rest of them, apparently, although Rod Dreher did say he's Brendan Eich.

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  11. Cold Civil War? Pretty polite, really. Its not like the Dreyfus Affair.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caran_d'Ache#/media/File:Caran-d-ache-dreyfus-supper.jpg

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  12. susanoftexas2:18 PM

    We waited 10 years to have kids. I think that makes us promiscuous hedonists or something.

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  13. susanoftexas2:21 PM

    It's little more than pointing and laughing--less brinkmanship and more "The Russians Are Coming, The Russians are Coming!"

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  14. tsam1002:23 PM

    We are perhaps about to enter times of political revolution and re-inventing government analogous to the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries.

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  15. gurkle22:24 PM

    Leithart is the only one who makes sense. The reason we didn't have gay marriage is that homosexuality was considered sinful (not to mention illegal) and the state isn't supposed to recognize evil acts. If homosexuality isn't wrong, then there's no reason for same-sex couples not to get married.


    All the other stuff about marriage being about procreation is ex post facto stuff created in a hurry when gays started to ask to get married. Marriage traditionally was about the disposition of property and the rearing (not birthin', rearin') of children. Gays want to get married for, among other things, disposition of property and rearing of children. It's only absurd if you think homosexuality is perverted and should be illegal, which was in fact the traditional view. But you can't have it both ways and say you have nothing against homosexuality, you just don't like gay marriage. It doesn't work.

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  16. tsam1002:25 PM

    I have nothing against codpieces, though I struggle to remember that it goes in the FRONT, not the back, see?

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  17. tsam1002:31 PM

    War is a dish best served cold and civil. I heard that on TV.

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  18. ohsopolite2:32 PM

    I eagerly await the adoption of the Eldridge Cleaver Codpiece by the right, and the rapprochement between conservatives and the New Black Panthers that is sure to follow.

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  19. I guess I'd better try to have as much sex and affection as I can get before ThursdayIdeas, newsletter, etc.

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  20. We have entered Canaan"IYKWIMAITYD.
    "and been swallowed up before Moloch"IYKWIMAITYD.
    in the same way that Israel was enveloped... Jeez, Radner, I'm even a liberal, and you're making me feel exhausted.

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  21. RogerAiles2:40 PM

    Rod's full quote: "We are all Eich, man."


    Crunchy!

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  22. Brother Yam2:40 PM

    Gosh, Mrs. Yam and I will have 16 years under our belts AND WE HAVE NO CHILDREN! Am I to await the Jesuit-devised Sandmen to come and haul my beloved and me to the Catholic Carousel?

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  23. Don't feel bad. Maybe the two of you were having your gay abortions and were just to busy. They also serve who...etc...

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  24. AGoodQuestion2:46 PM

    Coca-Cola, ESPN, and Walmart are prominent cases of corporate culture warfare, and every time a conservative buys a Coke, watches SportsCenter, or enters the megastore, he helps them do their damage.


    Walmart does its part for conservatism by keeping wages low and unions marginalized. It doesn't need to go for the showy stuff, and no number of culture warriors in tweed bespoke will convince it otherwise.

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  25. tsam1002:47 PM

    Perhaps a useful graph will help the Christianists figure it out?

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  26. coozledad2:48 PM

    We have entered Canaan and been swallowed up before Moloch, but the drinks were a little on the expensive side.

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  27. AGoodQuestion2:50 PM

    Say "Ich bin ein Eich," five times real fast.

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  28. Usually the post-mortem of a failed enterprise involves thinking of what you could have done differently. But the average neo-con "brain" is only capable of refocusing on the things they did that didn't work and insisting those things should have worked.

    Teddy Cruz, however, is an above average neo-con. He's saying states that weren't party to Obergefell aren't bound by the ruling. I wonder if that would apply to Shelby County.

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  29. John Wesley Hardin2:51 PM

    "the state isn't supposed to recognize evil acts." John Yoo, Dick Cheney and Justice Scalia would like a word.

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  30. John Wesley Hardin2:51 PM

    "insisting those things should have worked." It's the eternal cry: Conservatism can never fail, in can only be failed.

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  31. Hadley Arkes, who like many of her compatriots compares Obergefell to the Dred Scott decisionApt, apt. It is indeed an interesting study to contrast a decision that confirmed the non-personhood of slaves with a decision affirming the full personhood of gay people. The moral arc of the universe is---Oh, wait, she and her compatriots think they're the same, don't they? Just like when they compare Dred Scott and Roe, or any other time their own reactionary theocratic assholery is no longer enshrined in secular law. Which is especially Morisettian in light of how 19th-century fundamentalist Christians formed the Southern Baptist Church because they owning the subhuman Negro filth as property was Biblical. So I guess we can come back in 150 years and check with them on the same-sex marriage thing.

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  32. coozledad2:53 PM

    We opted against children after looking at our extended families. The world is interesting enough as it is.

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  33. Yes, my marriage has been eroded by a lack of children and equal marriage so Mr. S & I are going to start a commune for unwed cats.

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  34. I'm headed for 27 years come October and no kids. Obviously we should have gotten divorced or something because this marriage should, according to people like Selmys, be illegal.

    Years ago, I was at a public show promoting the magazine I was running. An elderly lady came over to chat, and after a while the discussion came around to the personal--where do you live, are you married, etc. When I told her we had no kids, she gave me this sad an sympathetic look as she said, "Oh, poor dear! You're childless!"

    "No," I replied. "Not child-less, child-free." I've seen grouper that didn't have gape-jaw as bad as she did at that moment.

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  35. Gromet2:54 PM

    These nitwits see people celebrating over an historic weekend and think it's holocaust-level oppression? Sure. Fine. It's Cristalnacht.

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  36. If you do that while looking into a mirror, Arthur Laffer appears to grant you three tax breaks.

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  37. AGoodQuestion2:56 PM

    That's bloody good!

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  38. Oh, the state recognizes those acts the same way Baptists recognize one another in a liquor store.

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  39. coozledad2:56 PM

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5A55eWbiBI

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  40. John Wesley Hardin2:56 PM

    "'Taste the Rainbow"' is now a diktat from our fabulous cultural commissars!

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  41. Jay B.2:56 PM

    The conservative wins the argument again.

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  42. mrstilton2:57 PM

    Maybe they can drink Coke on the down-lowMarry me, Roy. In all 50 states!

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  43. Jay B.2:59 PM

    What has been most remarkable is the insistence by same-sex marriage proponents that all dissent be silenced—whether through threats of economic destruction, legal bludgeoning, and now, increasingly by appeal to the raw power of the State.


    First they came for flowers and I said "Since when did fags like flowers?"
    Then they came for the cake and I said "Pastries are sacred."
    Then there was no one to have cake and flowers with me.

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  44. Egermency! Every gay people to get from street!

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  45. Me no understand.

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  46. The Confederatzis have long displayed the southern swastika to protest any attempt to gain equality for Africa-Americans. I wonder what the heteroweds will do to protest equal marriage? Maybe they'll hang Man/Woman wedding cake toppers from their review mirrors, that would be funny.

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  47. John Wesley Hardin3:00 PM

    "Then there was no one to have cake and flowers with me."
    Except for the other bigoted jerkoffs, and they're no fun.

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  48. No, no! Revenge is a dish best served cold.
    Also, living well is the best revenge.

    Therefore, when my enemies least expect it, I will be living well.

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  49. I just got back from Rod's confused house of "I love foie gras and Christian Sexual Ethics of Chastity" and I can tell you that sweden is already gone

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  50. They will hang the wedding toppers next to the titanium balls and the naked women on the mud flaps just to show their respect for traditional christian sexual morality.

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  51. Obviously this guy's doing something wrong if he doesn't find such acts uniting in ways both organic and soulful.

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  52. Brother Yam3:01 PM

    It's hard to feel bad. We've survived years of my MIL's "when you going to have kids?" assaults that these goofballs and their desire for the Dark Ages hardly register.

    Oh, and you Catholic pecksniffs? The priest that married us is out of business for covering up the Diocese of Minneapolis/St. Paul's kiddie raping. So feel free to fuck off about the Catholic sanctity and their love of children...

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  53. billcinsd3:03 PM

    and cold. you will be living well, but a little cold.

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  54. I love how perfectly legal actions such as boycotting and seeking redress from the legislature or the courts become sinister undertakings when liberals do it. They really, really, really don't understand why they aren't the only ones who have access to these things.

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  55. Just wait until the first sexual harassment lawsuits get filed because of too much starch in the boss's laundry.

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  56. "Mr Douthat, do you have any final words?"
    "I regret that I have but one ass to give for my country."

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  57. Oh, I'll be chillin' alright!

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  58. Gromet3:06 PM

    We never really had Sweden. If you look at a map, it has always resembled a giant dong hanging over the head of Europe. Twinned with the dong of Norway. We never had Sweden...

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  59. It's not the heat, it's the tumidity.

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  60. billcinsd3:06 PM

    moral arc of the universe grinds exceedingly fine

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  61. Sounds like a Ben&Jerry ice cream. "Ichbin&Eich" Now with NUTS!

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  62. I want to be a bridesmaid for this comment, but only if the dress is something I can wear to work later.

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  63. I like my revenge at room-temperature.

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  64. billcinsd3:07 PM

    so you aren't a Christianist

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  65. Ya know, an anti-gay Tea Party would be mighty confusing.

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  66. BigHank533:10 PM

    You know what? I tried that, and here's what Arthur Laffer gives you: a tax break for your airplane, a tax break for your yacht, and a tax break for all your fully-depreciated holdings in foreign mineral-extraction consortiums. Then he sneers at the booze in your liquor cabinet, drinks it anyway, and takes a dump the size of a birthday cake in your clean bathroom and "forgets" to flush. What an asshole.

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  67. susanoftexas3:11 PM

    It's almost like we decide what is best for us instead of following someone's idea of someone else's interpretation of someone's made-up idea of what is best for us.

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  68. Since they're already into tea-bagging, it would be confusing indeed.

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  69. Hey! If I have to eat Skittles, I'm gonna have to rethink my support for gay marriage.

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  70. mrstilton3:14 PM

    "I've tried all sorts of things, but it's all been to no avail. A few
    months back, I started wearing Eldridge Cleaver codpiece pants in the hopes that it would frighten
    those faggots off
    , but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to
    encourage them."

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  71. Just try finding shoes AND a purse that goes with that.

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  72. I wonder if that would apply to Shelby County.Good point, but I don't have time to discuss it right now. I'm too busy letting Planned Parenthood know that Gonzales v. Carhart only applies to Nebraska. Ted Cruz says so!


    (You know, when cons are so dismissive of President Obama's law degree from Harvard, they may have a point. Teddy graduated from Princeton and Harvard Law, yet apparently can't read Article I, II or III.)

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  73. BigHank533:24 PM

    Why? I've seen photos of Tea Party rallies, and it's hard to imagine a less fuckable crew.

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  74. Selmys up there would suggest that you've achieved the equivalent of climbing Everest - that finding someone whom you consider a good spouse and a good parent is nigh impossible. So basically your choice is between loving your kids and getting more of the ol' in-n-out. CHOOSE NOW BEFORE THE SUPREME COURT CHOOSES FOR YOU!

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  75. tigrismus3:26 PM

    With the brainy thinky, not the hearty feely!

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  76. BigHank533:27 PM

    Will these things made of whale penis leather work?

    http://s3files.core77.com/blog/images/2010/04/0sruli10.jpg

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  77. sophronia3:27 PM

    I always wonder how many of these kulturkampfers are sincere. I mean, if they engaged their memory cells, they would notice that the last time the GOP worked the Evil Homo Takeover angle, it lasted exactly 1 election (2004). And meanwhile, the vast majority of this country got so sick of hearing right-wing sexual fantasies screeched on TV every day that they decided they actually preferred gay people.


    I suspect it's just another attempt to mainline that sweet, sweet Foot Soldier in the Greatest Battle of Our Age opium they've been searching for ever since the heady days after 9/11 wore off into the current clusterfuck. Why can't we all see how IMPORTANT they are?

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  78. in the same way that Israel was envelopedI'll say. Back before his name was changed to Israel, Jacob had two wives. And his name got changed to Israel only after he spent a night "wrestling" with an angel of the Lord, an encounter that ended when the angel finally touched Jacob's pelvis in the right way.

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  79. Jay B.3:32 PM

    and more—that even belief in an alternative view of marriage be eradicated.


    Uhhhh...I mean, I don't even know what to say here seeing as he's whining about the hateful orthodoxy of gay marriage, which has existed for less than a week. It's beyond "People Unclear on the Concept", it's more like "My Ass is a Suction Device and My Head is Stuck There."

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  80. ColBatGuano3:32 PM

    "forgets" to flush.


    No need to flush when it's an upper decker.

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  81. I think that makes us promiscuous hedonists or something.We waited 16 years. So we're hotter.

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  82. just like my red, red wine.

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  83. tsam1003:35 PM

    That'll show 'em!!

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  84. tigrismus3:35 PM

    Almost 25 years and still waiting.

    *sizzle*

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  85. Gromet3:36 PM

    Ah, that pie chart got its title circumcised right off -- "Consequences of legalized gay marriage:"

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  86. tsam1003:36 PM

    Burn mannequins with tuxes and wedding dresses on them?

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  87. How ... how is the source of the leather validated? Is there a certificate of authenticity? Has a liberal hedonist ever tasted one and said, "That's not whale penis"?

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  88. tsam1003:39 PM

    Ah crap. FAIL.

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  89. smut clyde3:40 PM

    I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I was too busy washing up in Moab and throwing my shoe over Edom.

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  90. tsam1003:40 PM

    Do same things only HARDER.

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  91. That was a joke. I do understand.

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  92. Been capable of reproducing since 1966. Almost 50 yrs. & still nothing!!


    So hot I've actually burned to a crisp & disappeared.

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  93. Hey, it took two to tango that night. We are talking about the guy who also dreamed about angels "climbing his ladder" up and down ... up and down.

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  94. smut clyde3:42 PM

    "Uniting people organically"? Someone watched 'The Human Centipede' way too many times.

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  95. We were Spartacus, but after the Supreme Court decision we're all Tony Curtis and Laurence Olivier in the hot tub.

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  96. smut clyde3:44 PM

    Let me guess. They fit all sizes. If they're too small, you just have to polish them.

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  97. What would that look like? 5-4 no more sex for us because we are past procreating? Or 5-4 "life starts at 50!"

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  98. Helmut Monotreme3:48 PM

    They just love the sense of purpose, that they get from thinking they are generals in a war for the soul of humanity. They like the idea that they are in charge, that they can ask or demand obedience and sacrifice from their followers and surrender or death from their opponents. They are terrified of the truth, i.e. that they are momentarily animated bits of stellar ash, with no more inherent purpose or importance than a similar weight of mud, leaves, or earthworms. They live their lives in fear of their own shadows, their own reason, and their own appetites and desires. No wonder they want to stage an Armageddon end that kind of self inflicted suffering.

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  99. redoubtagain3:50 PM

    Koch Brothers Logic: Why boycott something you already own?

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  100. Did someone say CITES violation?

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  101. My guess is that he'd being saying that AFTER the punishment began.

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  102. Sure, but snails are still immoral.

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  103. Moloch whose mind is pure Madonna! Moloch whose blood is
    disposable income! Moloch whose fingers are ten penises!
    Moloch whose breast is a fashionable dynamo! Moloch whose
    bod is smoking hot!
    Moloch whose eyes are a thousand tastefully curtained windows! Moloch whose
    parades stand in the long streets like endless
    prima donnas!...

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  104. Guess you'd better ask Notorious RBG.

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  105. Helmut Monotreme3:55 PM

    Don't worry about it, there's almost no chance that whasisname Zimmerman will gun you down for eating them, unless you're carrying them at midnight in a Florida suburb.

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  106. And yet you still won't leave a tip!

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  107. "...we believe that for biblical and theological reasons..."
    Oh, they got both kinds!

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  108. "Can you show me on the doll where God touched you?"

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  109. smut clyde4:00 PM

    Here on my ribcage.

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  110. smut clyde4:00 PM

    http://static.hudo.com/images/posters/2813/image.jpg

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  111. https://s.yimg.com/lo/api/res/1.2/Zpmt4JObXYN66xHJ9ChSEQ--/YXBwaWQ9bWFnYXppbmVzO3c9NTAwO2ZpPWZpdA--/https://s.yimg.com/os/en_US/News/TheWrap/CNN8217s_ISIS_Flag_Fail_a-fbce1ad625cb3ddcda8bbf12cb198f8f

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  112. You're right. Besides, maybe JWH meant this: https://youtu.be/uDcDwEksHL0

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  113. If they're too large, what do you do? Being whale penis, they apparently don't shrink in cold water.

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  114. smut clyde4:06 PM

    http://covers.cbrd.info/5ca4ce6fb004f4ac8c12fe3bd4512478_xl.jpg

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  115. Is that a 2-Euro coin in your pocket, or are you just glad . . .

    ReplyDelete
  116. Very first Biblical Adam & Eve marriage: Objectively worse than mere incest; it was like self-incest or something.

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  117. First they make fun of you behind your back, then they roll their eyes at you to your face, then they send you to the gas chamber. Do you know who else was big on talking about people behind their backs! WAKE UP!

    ReplyDelete
  118. billcinsd4:09 PM

    that makes Sweden look more the scrotum to Norway's penile extension

    ReplyDelete
  119. billcinsd4:10 PM

    why do you hate America?

    ReplyDelete
  120. The scrotum is Finland.

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  121. Clearly, God wants you to have more unprotected sex. WWBPD? What Would Bristol Palin Do?

    ReplyDelete
  122. BigHank534:14 PM

    There's a Pussy Galore joke in there somewhere, but I think we're going to have to wait for it to get hungry enough to stop hiding behind the washing machine.

    ReplyDelete
  123. BigHank534:18 PM



    When will you be selling t-shirts with this fine slogan?

    ReplyDelete
  124. Air-Wreck The Red Pastor thinks the (real) Xians should all go back to the farm.... Christians like him will have no choice, he said, but to withdraw from mainstream American life. Nothing they’ve done has worked, no one they’ve voted for has implemented the Nineteenth Century values they cherish, so they’re left with very few options.

    “You’re going to have to get out of there,” Erickson said, “you’re going to have quit your job” because federal nondiscrimination statutes will require Christians to treat members of the LGBT community as human beings. Christians will have to form “church communities,” in which “parents are more careful who their friends are, and who their children play with.”

    “You’ll have to go” where “the postmodern secular humanists…can’t get you,” but “they’re going to try to get you.”

    “The further out you go,” he assured listeners, “the safer you’ll be. I think you’re going to see a lot of Christians go back into the handcrafting industry, go back into laboring, go back into farming — because there is something to do in the bible about farming.”

    Erickson, in other words, isn’t satisfied with convincing his listeners to adopt his Nineteenth Century value system — he’s trying to convince them to return to a Nineteenth Century way of life.

    They’ll have to do it without him, however, as he said that he will remain behind to act as a “cultural bridge” between these pockets of Luddite fancy and the secular world from which these good Christians fled.So the rest of 'em should go hide in a crafts commune w/ Rod Dreher; but Erickson will bravely stay behind w/ the air-conditioning & fast food & bitch & moan about how they've all been marginalized, living on their marginal farms w/o electricity (Ain't in the Bible, is it?) & no one will listen!!

    ReplyDelete
  125. Bristol? Alaska's Fertile Myrtle? Word is, Levi Johnston is back in the picture, which may be why baby-daddy No. 2 is departing.

    I hope Sarah issues some special episodes of her YouTube channel to explain how us liberals lack all morals.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Gromet4:20 PM

    I figured you did. I decided to err on the side of caution. Must be getting old, like Roberts...

    ReplyDelete
  127. sophronia4:22 PM

    Always with the threats to go Galt. When will they actually GO? Hint: we can't miss you if you're still here, can we?

    ReplyDelete
  128. susanoftexas4:23 PM

    pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

    ReplyDelete
  129. Some (like Rod) would probably find the exposed Jesus penis too distracting while driving.

    ReplyDelete
  130. BigHank534:25 PM

    I honestly don't mind hearing all about your Onan cosplay, smut, but please: NO GODDAMNED PICTURES THIS TIME.

    ReplyDelete
  131. How ya gonna keep 'em
    Down on the farm
    After we set gays free?

    ReplyDelete
  132. If you can't say something nice about someone, come sit next to me.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Not enough upvotes in all of disqus for this comment.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Shorter Eric Erickson: You first, brethren, I'll catch up after I've eaten my full of Cheetos.

    ReplyDelete
  135. dynamic_dave4:31 PM

    Well, that settles it! Republicans need to take away Walmart, Disney and Coca-Cola's corporate welfare. It's great that the left and the bigoted right have found common ground.

    ReplyDelete
  136. And The Lord did sayeth to Adam, "Go fuck yourself."

    ReplyDelete
  137. Helmut Monotreme4:34 PM

    How organically does he want to be united? I hear cyanoacrylate may be able to help.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Peter Marshall: "In the Bible, who was famous for splitting a rock with his rod?"

    Paul Lind: "Oh, that was Adam before Eve showed up."

    ReplyDelete
  139. BigHank534:38 PM

    he will remain behind to act as a “cultural bridge” between these pockets of Luddite fancy and the secular world

    News flash: if you're so stupid that you trust Erick motherfuckin' Erickson to filter your news and entertainment for you, you are way too stupid to run a small business, which is what every farmer and craftsperson is doing. It hasn't been possible to make a living as a hewer of wood or a drawer of water for a few generations now, and there ain't enough pages in the Old Testament to paper over that fact.

    ReplyDelete
  140. I want to see then negotiating w/ Big Ag for arable farmland. Or "laboring". They won't be so huffy about people hanging out at the Home Depot looking for work then.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Randy Gibbons4:51 PM

    Or if you're feeling adventurous, there's always Stretch Island Fruit Leather
    http://www.amazon.com/Stretch-Island-Leather-48-Count-0-5-Ounce/dp/B001CTO0YA

    ReplyDelete
  142. it's just like the holocaust, only much funnier

    ReplyDelete
  143. Adam K4:52 PM

    I'd like to read these as just 2 labels: "gay panic" and "jesus, rod dreher."

    ReplyDelete
  144. Randy Gibbons4:52 PM

    "Patrick Deneen compares himself and his buds to Solzhenitsyn"



    Groomfag Archipelago?... Sorry, I got nothin'

    ReplyDelete
  145. slavdude4:56 PM

    Of course, a more insidious and dangerous problem is the idea that government employees can refuse to issue marriage licenses out of religious conviction, which is happening in numerous Southern states.

    I heard on NPR yesterday part of a quote by an evangelical pastor from Texass (sorry Susan, I'm leaving the extra s--for extra Snakehandling!--until your state returns to some semblance of sanity) saying that there is no such thing as the separation of church and state because America was founded by Christians looking to practice their faith and that anyone who says otherwise doesn't know American history. Of course this is bogus, but if it does smack of nullification, and we know where that led the last time.

    Unfortunately, I'm not old enough to remember the reactions to Loving v. Virginia or any of the civil rights decisions of the mid-60s (I was born the year Loving was decided). Any of you who were conscious then (politically, I mean) remember what the responses were?

    ReplyDelete
  146. tigrismus4:58 PM

    http://www.gocomics.com/savage-chickens/2015/06/26

    ReplyDelete
  147. susanoftexas4:58 PM

    No problem. I just live here.

    ReplyDelete
  148. slavdude4:59 PM

    "Nineteenth century"? Try seventeenth century. The Puritans settled in New England because they wanted the freedom to oppress other Christians such as the Quakers and anyone who didn't adhere to their brand of Calvinism. See, e.g., the banning of the celebration of Christmas in Plymouth.

    ReplyDelete
  149. tigrismus5:01 PM

    there is no such thing as the separation of church and state
    because America was founded by Christians looking to practice their
    faith and that anyone who says otherwise doesn't know American history


    Yep, that's why the Constitution requires a religious test to hold office.

    ReplyDelete
  150. BigHank535:07 PM

    Gulag Absolutely Fabulous

    ReplyDelete
  151. Randy Gibbons5:08 PM

    What about masturbatical and sodomatory acts? Same rules?
    (Is sodomitical a word, even? Not Googling it TYVM.)

    ReplyDelete
  152. Marion in Savannah5:08 PM

    "the next Great Aweakening"


    Oh, I SOOO hope this wasn't a typo. It's pure perfection.

    ReplyDelete
  153. I suspect it's because of their black-and-white, zero-sum-game view of the world that causes conservatives to think that allowing gay people to get married somehow translates into forcing EVERYONE to get gay married, or something.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Randy Gibbons5:14 PM

    Any model of the penis sheathe (and they are quite common in Melanesia)



    Those things are unbelievable. Not that men would wear them (no surprise there) but that they'd wear the big ones in the freakin' jungle. Talk about awkward! You need a string to keep the thing pointed right and then you're traipsing around Melanesia of all places. Save it for the desert.

    ReplyDelete
  155. Great Awankening maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  156. billcinsd5:16 PM

    well I was looking for The Leatherwoods song, but Dan Hicks and His Hot-Licks will have to do

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW9-FOLG-iA

    ReplyDelete
  157. Marion in Savannah5:19 PM

    They'd also run you out of the colony if you disagreed with them. (See, John Winthrop and Anne Hutchinson. Anne is an ancestor of mine and she was run out of Massachusetts because of a religious set-to with old John. She wound up in what is now the Bronx, was killed by Indians, and now we have the Hutchinson River Parkway where you can languish in traffic for hours...)

    ReplyDelete
  158. This was the reaction:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_strategy
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  159. Randy Gibbons5:21 PM

    I don't get how gay marriage can lessen my straight one, but the countless straight people who have made a mockery of marriage did nothing to harm the institution. John Wayne Gacy was married to at least one woman.

    ReplyDelete
  160. Marion in Savannah5:27 PM

    I see you've been driving in Georgia...

    ReplyDelete
  161. DN Nation5:27 PM

    Ahh, First Things. That house o'nuts pops on my FB feed in spurts whenever wingnuts are having bouts of hurt fee-fees; it's the chimp-with-a-monocle* "intellectual" front for just saying "b-b-b-but: f*ggots!". "It really makes you think," say the FB wingnuts, but they and I both know what's up.


    *Thanks eternally to Alex Pareene.

    ReplyDelete
  162. Marion in Savannah5:28 PM

    Um, call a mohel?

    ReplyDelete
  163. DN Nation5:29 PM

    Hell, I'm bisexual and married to a straight woman and gay marriage being legal in this country now has...done all of jack squat to our marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  164. BigHank535:34 PM

    The artist is from Iceland, apparently. Probably not something that was planned for export.

    ReplyDelete
  165. tinheart5:35 PM

    They would all say "Homo unius libri", but can't because, you know, no homo.

    ReplyDelete
  166. Marion in Savannah5:36 PM

    Walmart's been all over the teebee machine down here howling about how they're raising wages. It's the end of the world...

    ReplyDelete
  167. DN Nation5:38 PM

    You ever notice how they claim ownership of some higher morality but their aesthetic choices resemble the alternate-1985 Hill Valley from BTTF2?

    ReplyDelete
  168. Marion in Savannah5:41 PM

    I may take the record here. Mr. Marion in Savannah and I got hitched 37 years ago, and no kids. So I guess we can call it a failed marriage because we didn't procreate?

    ReplyDelete
  169. Marion in Savannah5:42 PM

    I've got about 6 cats who would LOVE to relocate to your commune. Please send information, and may I subscribe to your newsletter?

    ReplyDelete
  170. smut clyde5:43 PM

    As always, I am here to help:
    http://www.amstelveenweb.com/afbeeldingen/2008-Dildo-dress.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  171. Marion in Savannah5:44 PM

    Are we related???

    ReplyDelete
  172. Randy Gibbons5:44 PM

    Scro-Tom of Finland, you might say?

    ReplyDelete
  173. Marion in Savannah5:45 PM

    Oh, the images I now have running around in my brain...! Thanks for the laugh. (Oh, to be on duty in the ER when they come through. You'd be able to dine out on that story for YEARS...)

    ReplyDelete
  174. smut clyde5:47 PM

    I do not want to hear about his first circle.

    ReplyDelete
  175. smut clyde5:48 PM

    "We secretly switched superglue for his Preparation H. Let's see if he notices."

    ReplyDelete
  176. They've been slapping themselves on the back for that all over this great nation of ours.

    ReplyDelete
  177. ohsopolite6:01 PM

    How about if we throw in the New Testament and some extra paste? What then?

    ReplyDelete
  178. Marion in Savannah6:04 PM

    Me too. But that would be non-monogamous, and would give Rod Dreher a big sad.

    ReplyDelete
  179. Roy and comments make me lol - but reading the source material of all this fun just exhausts me. EVERYTHING is more important than this. The feral cat I take care of stopped showing up a week ago - I'm pretty upset about it. Not to mention childhood cancers, wars and car wrecks, dementia and broken hearts and 4.5 star restaurants that are incredibly disappointing - 2 stars AT BEST.
    The idea that somebody gives two fucks about any two people - or twenty for that matter - getting married - cares enough to lose sleep over it, to write editorials, to call for armed resistance, to - really, this makes me so, so tired.
    WHERE'S MY CAT?

    ReplyDelete
  180. Does this prove size doesn't matter?

    ReplyDelete
  181. Howlin Wolfe6:08 PM

    "But first, a little Bung-ho-cho!"

    ReplyDelete
  182. https://ascendingstarseed.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/85605-phallusworship.jpg?w=432&h=431

    ReplyDelete
  183. Marion in Savannah6:11 PM

    So sorry about your cat. I've got about 4 or 5 ferals who come around every day to be fed and play with my herd, and every now and then one of them stops showing up. I go out of my way to try to get them to the point where I can pat them, so my hope is that when one of mine goes missing he's (they're almost always male) found a forever home. Fingers crossed yours shows up again — Big Foot, one of the ones I feed, once went missing for about 6 weeks but he's back on the doormat every day now. /cat lady

    ReplyDelete
  184. coozledad6:19 PM

    One weird trick to increase penis size get rid of that "after 30" gut.

    ReplyDelete
  185. satch6:26 PM

    And Rhode Island was founded after Baptist Roger Williams escaped from the Massachusetts Puritans who wanted to string him up. I'd like to see Erik reanimate the Shakers. After all, they gave us two really indispensable cultural touchstones that Erik would appreciate... celibacy and really uncomfortable furniture.

    ReplyDelete
  186. satch6:32 PM

    RC Cola and Dr. Pepper should be godly enough for anyone!

    ReplyDelete
  187. redoubtagain6:33 PM

    Evidently. (I've preferred being Gro├čonkel.)

    ReplyDelete
  188. Randy Gibbons6:39 PM

    I gotta admit to not having read the book yet. I can rhyme words with "fag," that's the extent of my erudition.

    ReplyDelete
  189. redoubtagain6:49 PM

    "A liberal Supreme Court Justice has no rights a conservative bigot is bound to respect."

    ReplyDelete
  190. Jay B.7:01 PM

    Jerry Lewis begs to differ.

    ReplyDelete
  191. I feel that sodomitical is the kind of word Mr. Aimai might find useful in one of his parodies of Gilbert and Sullivan songs. But I'm not up to his level so can't generate one myself.

    I am the very model of a pundit quite hysterical
    I've information topical,and relevant and biblical,
    I know the laws levitical and quote the lines historical
    From Genesis to Gomorroah, in order categorical
    I'm very well acquainted too with matters Sodomitical
    I understand the perverts both the simple and impractical,
    About eschatalogical I'm teeming with a lot o' news---
    With many cheerful facts about the imminent death of alla Jews.

    ReplyDelete
  192. LA Julian7:05 PM

    So it's like The Village, but Ericson is just the shady real estate broker convincing everyone else to go live in the hills and play Little House on the Prairie, because he's not rube enough to fall for his own rhetoric.

    ReplyDelete
  193. Stop that! Now I don't want to touch my euros.

    ReplyDelete
  194. Magatha7:15 PM

    I don't know, if I had a penis and I were traipsing around the jungle, I'd want some protection from mosquitoes and jungle gnats, and from scaring other people who think it's a python or something.

    ReplyDelete
  195. Marion in Savannah7:16 PM

    Huzzah! [golf claps] I bow in your general direction.

    ReplyDelete
  196. Marion in Savannah7:17 PM

    "Python" made me howl...

    ReplyDelete
  197. Marion in Savannah7:19 PM

    On behalf of the entire state of Georgia I apologize once again for Irky Irksome. Sorry. We're very, very, very sorry...

    ReplyDelete