Comrades, it's finally here! After six long years of pretending to be a moderate -- giving America a Rube Goldberg reform system that keeps all the current health-care capitalists enriched, for example, instead of the true socialized medicine other developed countries enjoy -- Obama's finally going radical! We were all disappointed when he didn't come through after the 2012 election, I know, but this time for sure -- because after 2016 there won't be any way to run bullshit stories like this, and the gutter press will have to content itself with "Hillary = Obama's Third Term." (They're already testing this one out.)
Alas, the actual article is a disappointment. Under "war on terror," for example, I had hoped to learn how Obama hates this fucking country and wants to surrender it to radical Islam, which totally rocks; but instead we hear about a "whitewash" of the Bowe Bergdahl case (remember him?). I fear Sperry, Dick Morris, and the rest are just warming us up for the inevitable impeachment, at which Bergdahl will be one of the 238 high crimes and misdemeanors the GOP will prosecute.
This one's a little more promising:
The Orwellian-sounding regulation would force some 1,200 municipalities to redraw zoning maps to racially diversify suburban neighborhoods...
It’s part of the administration’s ambitious agenda to eliminate “racial segregation,” ZIP code by ZIP code, block by block, through the systematic dismantling of allegedly “exclusionary” building ordinances. In effect, federal bureaucrats will have the power to rezone your neighborhood.Gasp! I'm surprised they didn't put this invasion-of-the-blacks thing up front. Maybe they're saving it for their illustrated election-day flyers.
"Redraw zoning maps"! ZOMG BLACK SIEGE
ReplyDeletethis is nothing like Texas gerrymandering because shut up that's why
I think he's waiting for the dedication of his Presidential Library to put his dastardly plan into action, having lulled Real America into a false sense of security by not being in office for several years. It's all in the Alinsky Playbook!
ReplyDelete238 high crimes and misdemeanors the GOP will prosecute
ReplyDelete. . .
#135 - Asking for spicy mustard
#136 - Forcing "healthy" s'mores down our throats
#137 - Being Black in the White House, hurr hurr, we got that one from Limbaugh!
#138 - Drinking elitist chai in a time of war
. . ..
“That’s because I don’t think there are too many people who want an Obama third term. Not even Obama.”
ReplyDeleteCertainly not if it hampers his golf game.
Wow, Kurtz has really gone native over at Fox News.
#203 - Aggravated Golfing While Black
ReplyDeleteDid I only dream it, or was there this constitutional crisis thingy not so long ago that could only be averted by a patriotic lawsuit to thwart the evil designs of the Kenyan usurper that Speaker Boehner and the rest of the Pugs were going to get right on. Jeez, that was so long ago...
ReplyDeleteI don't know I'd blame him, really. Four more years besieged by Teabaggers?
ReplyDelete#98- Being too Black
ReplyDelete#99- Not being Black enough
#100- Failure to ram anything down our throats despite our clear desire
#101- Arugula
If I was Obama, I'd be golfing every day, using orange balls and imagining they're Boehner's head.
ReplyDeleteand #238 - Failing to be a Republican!
ReplyDeleteTiger Woods is NOT Black, he's mostly Thai. Goddammit!!!11!
ReplyDeleteI want to see his birth certificate.
ReplyDeleteSaving it for Christmas?
ReplyDeleteNo, that's what Mrs. Bother does.
ReplyDelete#179 - Keeping an enemies list
ReplyDelete#180 - Not really keeping an enemies list, but tricking us into thinking he did so we would look foolish when we fixated on it
#181 - Something something Jay-Z
EEEEEEWWWW
ReplyDelete#139 - Not looking like a proper black man with the bling and the saggy pants like they tell me about on the FAUX
ReplyDeleteOnce again, Obama tried to compromise with the Pugs when he wore that tan suit at a presser, but, as usual, nothing he does is ever enough...
ReplyDelete#73 all these comic book movies
ReplyDeleteThe letter came from *inside the zipcode*! DUN DUN DUN! Everyone panic!
ReplyDelete(Also don't forget about the Texas poll tax. Thanks John Roberts!)
In effect, federal bureaucrats will have the power to rezone your neighborhood.
ReplyDeletePer Kelo v. City of new London They can take your damn neighborhood away. Whose court decided that?
#150 - Golf
ReplyDelete#151 - Basket ball
#152 - Some other sport that's not very American, but is very effeminate and all the terrorists play it -- Handball?
#153 - Tricking us into thinking terrorists plan handball.
...
ReplyDeleteThe Boehner's traditional Christmas puddin'. A quivering orange mass with hints of tobacco and Johnny Walker Red. One minute preparation time.
ReplyDeleteSome other sport that's not very American, but is very effeminate and all the terrorists play it
ReplyDelete#154 - Forcing young American children to play effeminate socialist European soccer
Okay, so a quick word about the "Orwellian-sounding" Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing (OMG! Like Affirmative Action for our neighborhoods!). It's not a regulation at all, but rather an enhancement to something that's been on the books for close to 50 years. Here's the relevant part from the Federal Register:
ReplyDeleteThrough this rule, HUD proposes to provide HUD program participants with more effective means to affirmatively further the purposes and policies of the Fair Housing Act, which is Title VIII of the Civil Rights Act of 1968. The Fair Housing Act not only prohibits discrimination but, in conjunction with other statutes, directs HUD's program participants to take steps proactively to overcome historic patterns of segregation, promote fair housing choice, and foster inclusive communities for all...To facilitate this new approach, HUD will provide states, local governments, insular areas, and public housing agencies (PHAs), as well as the communities they serve, with data on patterns of integration and segregation; racially and ethnically concentrated areas of poverty; access to education, employment, low-poverty, transportation, and environmental health, among other critical assets; disproportionate housing needs based on the classes protected under the Fair Housing Act; data on individuals with disabilities and families with children; and discrimination.
Basically, what the rule does is augment the existing law by making available socioeconomic data and mapping technology not available when the Civil Rights Act was originally drafted, and putting more money behind it so that it can actually be applied. Not exactly the gross seizure of local power suggested in Sperry's piece. Still, it could mean that his target audience might end up sharing a block with those people, and isn't that really the worst kind of tyranny?
Wow. That article was, indeed, remarkably content-free. All kinds of "Well, Obama MIGHT do stuff, 'cause he's a crazy black communist radical, so be very worried". Amazing how he's keeping all this a secret from the voters and yet the NY Post could suss it out, though.
ReplyDeleteBut the Presidential Library already exists. We call it Rules for Radicals! *peal of thunder, maniacal laughter*
ReplyDeleteFirst they came for the Zoning Commissioner but I said nothing for I was not a zoning commissioner...
ReplyDeleteMaybe they're saving it for their illustrated election-day flyers.
ReplyDeleteThey're busy Googling stills from "Birth Of A Nation" as we speak.
Gamergate is all Obama's fault! I KNEW IT!
ReplyDelete#74 - Calling up his friends at the networks and having them cancel all your favorite shows, to punish you for voting wrong.
ReplyDeleteHow to Cook for Forty Humans
ReplyDeleteThey're about the right size.
ReplyDeleteWrong. He's going to announce an initiative designed to prevent people from mixing ammonia and bleach and huffing the fumes, peeing on the third rail or swimming with hippopotami.
ReplyDeleteOnce the inevitable happens and the bodies have been buried, he will distribute the property of brave, defiant and very dead wingnuts to the masses.
And if memory serves, Forced Bad Thing Through Rezoning is a old fave of conspiracy theorists.
First Agenda 21 was Red. Then it was Green. Now it is Black.
ReplyDeleteLIKE THE HELICOPTERS! IT ALL FITS!!
#notallpresidents
ReplyDeleteEleventy-seven - Telling children to study hard in school.
ReplyDeleteRoy - is there any way you can put a ticker at the bottom of the blog? I have a feeling that 238 will increase exponentially closer to voting day.
Really, isn't this one enough?
ReplyDeleteUpvoted only because there's no upchucked arrow.
ReplyDeleteAmazing how he's keeping all this a secret from the voters and yet the NY Post could suss it out, though.
ReplyDeleteMy skim through saw at least one "Obama announced such and such." SO SNEAKY.
Hey, he obviously concealed his gun-grabbing program pretty well, so why not all the other stuff?
ReplyDeleteHow dare the federal government tell me what to do!
ReplyDeleteIt should be the City Council and Home Owners Association telling me what to do, dammit.
their election-day flyers for Republican voters
ReplyDeleteThe ones with the one-syllable words, written in green crayon.
"Coach wants to see you in his office. Bring your cookbook." The (Islamist, naturally) Turk
ReplyDelete... the gutter press will have to content itself with "Hillary = Obama's Third Term."
ReplyDeleteSilly gutter press, Hillary =/= Obama's third term.
Hillary = Reagan's ninth term.
Saaaaay, wait a minnit. That picture shows Obama engaging in the manly-mantastic sport of football, when we all know that he is a simpering wimp who wears mom pants and plays golf which is elitist and geh.
ReplyDeleteApostasy! Heresy! Doubleplusliberal!
More likely:
ReplyDeleteAfter losing the elections in 2014, the Democrats "move right" and give Obama his crappy trade deals.
~
Sadly, So.
ReplyDelete~
(It will increase to 253--the current number of Democrats in Congress)
ReplyDeleteYou know that's exactly what the Very Serious People in the Village will tell them. "This is a sign that the American people want Democrats to reach across the aisle and work for bipartisanship!"
ReplyDeleteAnd the GOP will go right on stonewalling and foot-dragging as usual.
#66 - Purchasing a teleprompter with public funds.
ReplyDelete#89 - Traveling back in time to lay the groundwork for Obama Phones.
#111 - MOM JEANS!!
Well, not whoever appointed Rehnquist, O'Connor, Scalia, and Thomas, who dissented.
ReplyDeleteOutrage over Kelo is another of those "judicial activism" things that chafes my legal briefs, since the majority reasoning was the exact opposite of "Let's do lawmakers' job for them." Extremely broad deferential interpretations of the Takings Clause have two centuries of legal precedent behind them. It looked bad because of how cack-handed New London was, but as Justice Stevens pointed out, there is also longstanding deference to legislatures imposing substantive restrictions on what can be considered "public use," yet Connecticut had never enacted any. And what they did finally pass after Kelo was pretty weak sauce. I understand that the Kelo plaintiffs were sympathetic, but whenever you seem to find yourself on the same side as schmibertarians on an issue, it pays to check for the ugly little details.
He's a simpering wimp iron-fisted tyrant!
ReplyDeleteAnd a homosexual gelded womanizer Muslim atheist Kenyan Chicago communist corporatist!
Well, local governing bodies like HOAs are famously responsive and understanding. They would never inflexibly impose draconian fines over minor stuff like, say, a mailbox post being 14 inches further from a driveway corner than stipulated in bylaws. And City Councils! Why, I could phone my Councilperson right now and he'd personally come take out my trash, with no complaint! But a Congressman? Pff. Gooooood luck.
ReplyDeleteHe's apparently just a punter, though, which is the gehest position in football (word to Chris Kluwe!)
ReplyDeleteOh, you poor stupid wingnuts. Remember the breathless claims in the late 90's that Clinton, power-mad hegemon that he was, would seize power, declare himself dictator, and do away with democracy forever (before you got to do that yourself, the bastard)? Remember how that didn't happen? It saddens me that you're all dumber than rats who eventually learn not to press the electrified lever. The saddest part of all is that you think your resistance, such as it is, is so fearsome that the opposition would resort to such measures just to defeat you.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you've used the word 'Orwellian so many goddamn times that it's literally meaningless. Is this the Orwellian where Obama declares himself dictator and institutes martial law or the one where his wife encourages kids to eat more vegetables. Oh wait, I forgot, they're the same thing.
#1-67: Fluorescent Light Bulbs.
ReplyDeleteHow can he ram through his marxist/fascist/islamist agenda as a punter? At best he might be able to pin Republicans into a coffin corner of ineffectuality and fundamentalism, but that's not really agenda setting.
ReplyDeleteIt's positively Orwellian the way they've cheapened the word "Orwellian".
ReplyDeleteI think Eric Blair needs to come back and slap the shit out of all of them.
Amazing how this all comes around, full circle-like.
ReplyDeleteRed, green, black... hey, that's the colors of the Pan-African Flag! Coincidence?
Uh, let's see: GHW Bush = Reagan's third term, Bill Clinton = Reagan's fourth and fifth term, George W Bush = Reagan's sixth and seventh term, Obama = Reagan's eighth and ninth term. So wouldn't Hillary = Reagan's tenth term? No, wait, GHW Bush was the last liberal president, updated from Nixon. Then the math works out.
ReplyDeleteWAKE UP SHEEPLE
ReplyDeleteThere totally should be, though.
ReplyDelete#42. Presidenting while Benghazi.
ReplyDelete#43. Benghaziing while President.
#44. Knowing Bill Ayers.
#45. Taking fewer vacations than George W. Bush but allowing us to think he's taken more.
#99 - Benghaziing with an aggressive Benghazi while Benghaziing with Benghazi in Benghazi. Did we mention Benghazi?
ReplyDeleteWelcome to Arcadia!
ReplyDeleteConsidering that Kluwe recently smacked the #DiaperGaters asses, I can see why they fear punters.
ReplyDeleteListen, anyplace where the yeti porn brigade decides to pitch a tent needs an upchucked arrow.
ReplyDeleteIf you want a vision of the future, imagine a neo-con face screaming "ORWELLIAN!" forever.
ReplyDeleteActually, his presidency is about ethics in gaming journalism.
ReplyDeleteSo, who was rezoning neighborhoods before the bureaucrats horned in?
ReplyDeleteDoughty yeoman farmers and shopkeepers did it themselves, their blunderbusses clutched in their calloused hands. And thus were sundown towns invented.
ReplyDeleteSay what you will about the tenents of Pan-Africanism, dude, at least it's got a funky beat.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90fn-htDiRk
Oh, nonsense. The number of Democrats in Congress will be so much smaller come January.
ReplyDelete(It's informative to check Talking Points Memo's approval tracker: Obama at -10, Democratic Party at -9.6, Republican Party at -20 ... and Congressional Generic Ballot at R+2, because of course what's needed is to give the much more unpopular party a larger margin in the House. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to "informative" my eyes with a fork.)
the yeti porn brigade
ReplyDeleteLittle-known group from the Spanish Civil War.
#75- getting a Downtown Abbey screener from PBS.
ReplyDeleteWe all know that budding young chickenhawks should only play video games, preferably in a parent's basement.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to imagine what his hands are doing.
ReplyDeletepitch a tent
ReplyDeleteSHAMEFUL.
The down arrow. It even looks a bit like a splash.
ReplyDelete"the Alinsky Playbook!"
ReplyDeleteWorst Robert Ludlum novel ever.
and the manly VIOLENT kind!
ReplyDeleteRot Ayers, Bill Ayers... need I say more?
ReplyDeleteSo whose side did they fight on?
ReplyDeleteHe's all things to all men, and one lucky woman
ReplyDeleteI think that's a Jackie Jorpjomp song...
ReplyDeletePeople wearing hoods zoned them white or black.
ReplyDeleteI'm having a bit of a disconnect between the headline -- The Secret Radical Agenda!!! -- and PUNTING. Incomprehensible Sports Metaphor Fail.
ReplyDeleteDid he wear a tan suit and pink shoelaces?
ReplyDelete"Vun! Vun Rules For Radicals! Hahahahahah. Two!.." etc
ReplyDeleteMatt Damon is already pencilled in.
ReplyDeleteNot to be too contrary but that was not an unknown fear during the Bush administrations.
ReplyDeleteStep 1: Senate Republican Majority.
ReplyDeleteStep 2: ????????
Step 3: Obama tyranny!
They fought for the YETIS, obviously. You sticklers for historical/cryptozoological accuracy will observe that there are no yetis in Spain, which only goes to demonstrate my point about what a shitshow the Spanish Civil War was.
ReplyDeleteA real president would have skated the ball to center ice and scored a home run.
ReplyDeleteSome people call him the space cowboy
ReplyDeleteSome call him the gangster of love
Some people call him Maurice.
.
That's a fact!
ReplyDeleteSix years solid of this skreeing Chicken Little bullshit, and absolutely none of it has ever come true, or even remotely true. Obama is a competent if unremarkable middle-of-the-road president who won't likely be remembered in the future for much more that being the first blah in the Whih House.
ReplyDeleteThat's not to take away from the man or his presidency, not at all. Given the billious, brow-furrowing shit-funnel of nonsense he's faced daily from these gibbering, mean-spirited, liver-spotted frat-tweedledums it's a wonder he's been able to resist lining every one of them up in a FEMA camp and, one-by-one, punching them all in the balls.
.
But does he speak of the pompitous of love?
ReplyDelete(whatever THAT means...)
resist lining every one of them up in a FEMA camp and, one-by-one, punching them all in the balls
ReplyDeleteInterest, newsletter.
Nice desperate try to get out the progressive vote, but I can't see it working.
ReplyDeleteThe Communists undermined them because, reasons.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but! Repugs do give their horrible bills names opposite to what they do. "Healthy Forests" = clear-cutting. "Clean Skys" = roll back pollution laws. "Fairness Voting Act" = make voting very hard for minorities. "Free Speech" = bribery. On and On and On, ad infinitum.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? All that and no one got orange juice gate? You guys are falling down on the job. Ordering oj instead of coffee? Clearly impeachable.
ReplyDelete"through the systematic dismantling of allegedly “exclusionary” building ordinances"
ReplyDeleteThe NY Post guy is right - this is totally unacceptable. Clearly the sensible solution is to expropriate all the houses, burn everything to the ground and salt the fucking earth. Fuck these racist fucks.
Was that better or worse than it was in 2010? Honest question. (And things have changed since then in the house: the marginal seats are almost all gone and the Blue Dogs have been all but wiped out. I don't think things will get much better after the elections, but I don't think they'll get worse either.
ReplyDeleteNo helmet, no ears. No ears, no Obama caricature. Sorry, them's the rules.
ReplyDeleteI think of 2010 as a genuine backlash year, when GOP voters had been whipped up into a frenzy, and normal people had other things on their mind. Then the minority party in Congress did well. But now it's 2014, the House GOP have failed to do anything except holler about Benghazi and the IRS, pass Obamacare repeals, and threaten to blow up the full faith and credit of the United States. So it's unsurprising to me that they're currently less popular than Ebola. Which is why, even if it's being underestimated, having them even appear to be on top in House races is frustrating.
ReplyDeletethe GOP's modern incarnation has yet to show me that they can win 270 electoral votes.The problem is, enough of them seem to have noticed that they can burn the country down by gaining control of at least one chamber of Congress and refusing to do anything for the good of the nation if a Democrat is President.
Hey, it worked for Julius Caesar.
ReplyDeleteAnd, of course, the ultimate irony was that, after all the expense, tax breaks, land seizures and giveaways, Pfizer walked away. The land remains an undeveloped eyesore, and today is a net drain on town resources.
ReplyDeleteHeckova job!
All true, but the devil you know, etc. I'd rather tread water than drown.
ReplyDeleteand salt the fucking earth
ReplyDeleteOooh, can we use that expensive high-quality Himalayan pink salt?
I bet the Communists hid the secret history of the Yeti Porn Brigade as well. I didn't read anything about it in Homage to Catalonia.
ReplyDelete#210 - Orange juice instead of coffee
ReplyDelete#211 - No flag pin
#212 - the White House vegetable garden
#201 Being black while not being Herman Cain who is a credit to his race.
ReplyDelete#202 Having Cliven Bundy killed in Dallas.
#203 Tricking us into thinking Cliven Bundy had been killed in Dallas.
#204 Making us think Benghazi is in Dallas.
Listen, there's a reason those Red bastards keep trying to sneak fluoride into the water supply...
ReplyDeleteWould a Clinton coup really have been so bad? I mean, consider the alternative.
ReplyDelete#89 - Making us wait for a Wonder Woman movie
ReplyDelete#90 - And then when we finally get one she's playing second fiddle to the Batman-Superman bromance
#91 - And it's by Zach Snyder, FFS
#92 - And where's the goddamn Black Widow solo movie? Instead of that, we get a ScarJo action movie by Luc Besson, which should be the best thing ever but instead is some crazy thing where she activates her entire brain and, instead of having an epileptic seizure, gets superpowers or something and it's just kind of nuts. Wait, that should be #93
#94 - And why can't we have a female Nova or one of color instead of yet another white boy? Thanks, MarvelObama!
I thought punting was his pre-election plan.
ReplyDeleteThey're Ubiquitous!
ReplyDeleteHey, it's my local team!
ReplyDeleteWe also get delivered the Manly Daily, which is a paper whose name never fails to make me giggle. Girlishly.
#334: SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ReplyDelete"I thought you said you only had two hundred and thirty eight."
"SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"Yeah, I know how inspiration can get away with you."
'Tis true, but seldom expressed in national magazines or network TV.
ReplyDeleteI'm dying to find out how "rezoning neighborhoods" makes black people move in. Is "Place for black people" a zoning category? If anyone has actually read the article, could you explain what they're talking about here?
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid, we didn't need blunderbusses; covenants worked just fine.
ReplyDeleteProbably comes from playing too much SimCity.
ReplyDelete#67 Michelle
ReplyDelete