Friday, September 12, 2014

THE STUPIDEST THING EVER WRITTEN UNTIL JONAH GOLDBERG WRITES SOMETHING ELSE, PART INFINITY.

Obama says ISIS is neither Islamic nor a state; about the second bit, Jonah Goldberg says [squish of foot landing in bucket, crash of head striking cabinet and dishes falling out]:
...reasonable people can quibble. The terrorist army that calls itself the Islamic State is certainly trying to build a state — and not just a state but a super state, or caliphate. They’re not there yet; their delivery of social services seems spotty at best, though they do collect taxes and uphold the law (in a fashion). 
More relevant, it doesn’t really matter if it’s a state. Morally, this weed stinks just as much whether you call it a state or a soccer league that rapes, tortures, and murders people on the side. And legally, statehood would matter — and not very much — only if the U.N. and other bodies agreed to recognize the fledgling caliphate’s legitimacy. That’s not going to happen even if the Islamic State opens up post offices and DMVs on every corner.
So, ISIS is not a state. Moving along: about the Islamic part, Jonah Goldberg says [clunk of bucket-footed running, kee-rash of body tumbling down cellar steps]:
As for its not being Islamic, that’s at best unclear, if not just clearly wrong. And the fact that the majority of its victims are Muslim is irrelevant. Lenin and Stalin killed thousands of Communists and socialists...
Yeah, and what about those altar boys those priests raped? I suppose those priests suddenly turned Protestant! Not that I blame the church, it's rilly holy.
The president faces the same dilemma that bedeviled George W. Bush, and I sympathize with him. It is not in our interest for the Muslim world to think we are at war with Islam, not just because it is untrue...
Remember that thing I said about "clearly wrong"? You don't? Good.
....but more specifically because we desperately need the cooperation of Muslim nations. That’s why Bush constantly proclaimed “Islam means peace.”
But...
(You might want to soak your head in ice awhile before reading the rest of this.)
...it also seems flatly wrong for an American president to be declaring what is or is not Islamic — or Christian or Jewish.
Yeah, if we can't say America is a Christian nation (butitisdon'tworryFundieswejusthavetosaythat) I guess we can't say it isn't a Christian nation either. Fair's fair.
Given the First Amendment alone, there’s something un-American in any government official simply declaring what is or is not a religion.
Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.
Bush’s formulation in his September 20, 2001, address to Congress was better: “The terrorists practice a fringe form of Islamic extremism that has been rejected by Muslim scholars and the vast majority of Muslim clerics; a fringe movement that perverts the peaceful teachings of Islam.”
And it's better because (TK) (Sorry KLO lunch went a little long and the intern went back to prison).
Regardless, I’m not the kind of purist who would object to Obama’s version — if it worked. Aeschylus first noted more than 2,400 years ago that the first casualty of war is the truth.
Remember that "not just because it is untrue" thing I said before? Oh shit, you do remember? Farrrrrt.
And if saying that the Islamic State is guilty of religious false advertising makes it easier to win a war, that’s fine by me. 
But does it work?
QUESTIONS REMAIN
...In fact, maybe it’s a mistake to concede the point up front? Instead of Americans trying to persuade Muslims of the world that terrorism is un-Islamic, why shouldn’t Muslims be working harder to convince us?
I don't see Mo-hammed or whatever his name is over there doing anything to convince Jonah Goldberg he's not a terrorist. I just see him making Jonah Goldberg's sandwich. Extra bacon, please. [(whispers) You can tell how big a jihadi they are by their reaction.]
Think about it. Whenever a tiny minority of bad actors hurts the reputation of its ethnicity, faith, or cause by doing terrible things in the name of its ethnicity, faith, or cause, the responsible thing is for the moderate, decent majority to cry “Not in our name!” or “They don’t speak for us!”
How about a #NotAllMuslims hashtag? Thank you, good night, more September-October 2011 retro bullshit to come.

150 comments:

  1. BigHank532:28 PM

    Whenever a tiny minority of bad actors hurts the reputation of its
    ethnicity, faith, or cause by doing terrible things in the name of its
    ethnicity, faith, or cause, the responsible thing is for the moderate,
    decent majority to cry “Not in our name!” or “They don’t speak for us!”


    I eagerly await Jonah's denouncement of the Christian terrorists who've murdered doctors performing a legal medical procedure, as well as those extremists who think their holy book means women shouldn't use birth control because it's just like abortion. Also, the Christian minority who feel they can ignore everything Jesus said about the poor while heaping more treasure upon the altar of Mammon. Then, perhaps, he can get around to addressing the lies and calumny heaped upon gays and lesbians who didn't want anything more than formal recognition of their families.

    Ball's in your court, Jonah.

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  2. Has Jonah actualy ever met another human being, I have to ask at this point. Of any creed, color, sexuality, faith, allegiance or even fetish?

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  3. Jay B.2:31 PM

    Don't put it in his court. He might try to fry it.

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  4. Jay B.2:35 PM

    In fact, maybe it’s a mistake to concede the point up front? Instead of Americans trying to persuade Muslims of the world that terrorism is un-Islamic, why shouldn’t Muslims be working harder to convince us?



    Hot take, Flounder. It could be that they are and you just can't hear them over the freedom bombs we're dropping.

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  5. Mr. Wonderful2:39 PM

    (You had me at "dishes falling out.")

    This is Prof. Irwin Corey without the gloss of intelligence. To sum up: ISIS is almost a state--no; a super-state!--but it isn't one and never will be, although it doesn't matter. Is it Islamic? Could be, because Stalin! Although no, because Bush mentioned scholars and clerics. But, really, it is, because if it weren't, it wouldn't matter if non-scholar/cleric Muslims denounced it, which they should. Although they're not. Not YET! As soon as they do, we'll know it's Islamic in the mode of being not-Islamic, and that Obama--whom I sympathize with--was wrong all along. As usual.

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  6. tinheart2:39 PM

    Oh, ho. I get Jonah's devious plan. It's to try to boost his bonafides as an intellectual by producing a column that might seem like utter gibberish to the uneducated observer, but is actually a clever - !
    ...
    ...wait, what do you mean it's not a devious plan? So he's trying to - !
    ...
    ...wait, what do you mean it's not a *plan*...? Oh.

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  7. Megalon2:40 PM

    Thousands of words to say nothing. Jonah Goldberg is so shallow, he becomes sort of deep.

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  8. Given the First Amendment alone, there’s something un-American in any government official simply declaring what is or is not a religion.In Jonah's defense, I thought Ted Cruz was a massive shitwad to that Arab-American Christian group, too.

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  9. mortimer20002:53 PM

    Jonah's such a comedian. If you change one word, he could be joking about the atrocities perpetrated in Gaza by a tiny minority of bad actors that hurts the reputation of its ethnicity, faith, or cause by doing terrible things, (whoever that might be), and it's a laff riot just the same:

    Is the Jewish State “not Jewish”? Moreover, is it really “clear” that it’s not Jewish?

    Not even a little? Is it Jewish-ish?

    If we’re talking clarity, I’d say the Jewish State is clearly not Mormon. Or Lutheran. Or Buddhist. It most certainly is not the most extreme example of Quakers gone bad ever recorded.


    Ha ha ha.

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  10. ... reasonable people can quibble"But they'll never top this."

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  11. Helmut Monotreme2:56 PM

    Speaking as a white, middle aged, non-skinny, literate moderately educated person, prone to oversharing my opinions, with regard to Jonah, I would like to say “Not in our name!” or “They don’t speak for us!”

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  12. ohsopolite2:57 PM

    Truly a leading practitioner of Zen Stupidism!

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  13. dstatton2:58 PM

    It was only yesterday when I welcomed his saying nothing with fewer words.

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  14. dstatton2:59 PM

    I like your version better. Incoherent, but shorter.

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  15. No, the ball's in the court of "the moderate, decent majority" wanting to do "the responsible thing." Jonah is obviously exempt.

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  16. dstatton3:00 PM

    And the Nazis called themselves socialist. QED

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  17. gocart mozart3:05 PM

    Nazis called themselves Christian also. Where was the moderate Pope denouncing him?

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  18. RogerAiles3:08 PM

    The first casualty of Jonah Goldberg is the sofa cushions.

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  19. Spaghetti Lee3:11 PM

    This is actually just a slightly reworked version of the letter he wrote to the guys at I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, complaining about false advertising.

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  20. swkellogg3:15 PM

    What is the sound of one cheek farting?

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  21. Moe Larryandjesus3:24 PM

    Jonah has a Baruch Goldstein tattoo on his right asscheek.

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  22. He gets all whiny and abstruse when he agrees with the object of his scorn.

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  23. tigrismus3:32 PM

    Alas, Jonah shows once again that quibbling people can't reason.

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  24. Ted the slacker3:33 PM

    My critical read of Goldberg involves classifying each sentence as fart, shit or shart. Where: Fart = stupid idea; Shit = stupid observation; Shart = stupid idea and observation. He manages the occasion wipe too.
    This one goes as follows: Fart Shit Shit Fart Shart Shart Shit Fart Wipe Fart Fart Shart Wipe Shart Shart Shart Fart Fart Shart Fart SHART SHART Wipe SHART
    I think that's a Pantload record.

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  25. Guard this nugget of snark with great care. It is 99.99% pure.

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  26. Megalon3:39 PM

    "You can't think that I really think what I just said I think except that maybe I really do or not and anyway I'm just asking questions!"

    Has Jonah Goldberg ever made a sorta, kinda, almost argument without immediately walking it back or undercutting it with a bunch of sniveling weasel words and bullshit obfuscation? Even once?

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  27. Matt Jones3:42 PM

    "Whenever a tiny minority of bad actors hurts the reputation of its ethnicity, faith, or cause by doing terrible things in the name of its ethnicity, faith, or cause, the responsible thing is for the moderate, decent majority to cry “Not in our name!” or “They don’t speak for us!”'


    I must have missed the NRO article where they decried Cliven Bundy and his terror campaign...

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  28. Bizarro Mike3:43 PM

    I love you, comment. You are the only one for me.

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  29. Well, technically ... Oh, hahaha, well played.

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  30. No, see, what Cliven Bundy and his posse did weren't terrible. Treason in defense of stealing from taxpayers is no vice.

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  31. And when I called liberals fascists, the rest of the bloated foundation-funded rightwing asswipes should have risen up and denounced me for being a mendacious fuckwit and serial discourse abuser.

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  32. sharculese3:48 PM

    Morally, this weed stinks just as much whether you call it a state or a soccer league that rapes, tortures, and murders people on the side.



    Y'know, I actually find Herr Loadberg's retrograde politics and lazy thinking to be far less offensive than his dogged adherence to the purple monkey dishwasher school of comedy.


    Jonah, please stop trying to do funnies forever.

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  33. tigrismus3:49 PM

    “Not in our name!”

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  34. tigrismus3:49 PM

    Being a white Christian man means never having to say “They don’t speak for us!”

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  35. Bizarro Mike3:54 PM

    I was at the mechanic this morning, and CNN was on. The panel of all pro-war (to varying degree) talking heads managed to talk about how ISIS was very bad, then realize that there wasn't any other good option for who would rule Syria, and that prospects in Iraq were grim. A moment of dead air settled. Then they went right back to talking about fighting the evil ISIS. It was amazing to see them brush against reality, even for a moment.

    And as for the evilness of ISIS, I have no doubts that they're just like
    the reactionary assholes here, but in an environment where they can
    shoot people who talk back. However, there are groups fighting for
    control of territory like that around the world. None of the "ISIS is
    evil arguments" wouldn't work as intervention reasons in Africa, for
    instance.

    No one who says that has the guts to say its because they whipped an American government auxiliary force (the Iraqi army) in an American colony (Iraq). And goddamn it, I'm sick of hearing that ISIS is a threat to America or even to American Interests. I don't see how a continued Iraqi adventure lowers the cost of college, revives the slumped median wage, or reduces household debt. It doesn't fix highway bridges, repair old water systems, or build improved rail lines. It doesn't help real American interests in my book.

    (Plus, if we work on those things above, we don't have to blow the limbs off of anyone's children.)

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  36. BigHank534:01 PM

    You can just put a period right after "shitwad". No need to use the past tense, either.

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  37. redoubtagain4:02 PM

    ...it also seems flatly wrong for political and social opponents of an African-American president with a name like "Barack Obama" to be declaring who is or is not Islamic — or Christian or Jewish. (But we're going to do it anyway, because we effing can.)
    Fixed

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  38. Socialist Cubone4:27 PM

    No, but that's central to his point.

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  39. Pere Ubu4:38 PM

    Don't fucking get me started.

    The mere idea of someone who WROTE A FUCKING BOOK called "Liberal Fascism", arguing that, derp derp, Hitler MUST have been a Socialist 'cause he said he was and that's what his party was called, ha ha ha Q.E.Derp, now parsing phrases like a fifth grade English teacher about "what does state mean" and suchlike makes me want to punch him in his chubby mug, if'n I wasn't worried about getting the toxic corrosive sludge his species uses for blood all over my fist.

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  40. His schtick is idiocy masquerading as zen.

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  41. Pere Ubu4:47 PM

    I want to be the fly on the wall* when Jonah gets the inevitable flood of hate mail from the Charles Martel contingent, berating him for even SUGGESTING all Muslims are not terrorists because the Koran blah blah yarbles.

    You will notice, as well, now much effect the "moderate, decent majority" of Muslims denouncing the actions of self-identified jihadists has had for the last 13 years, back when (as Roy indicates) they were first told we could avoid a lot of ugliness by them doing so.

    *Oh, come on, it's Jonah's office. Of course they're there.

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  42. "Hey, this isn't cheese-filled!"

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  43. Pere Ubu4:51 PM

    KWATZ!

    *hits Jonah with a stick*

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  44. More relevant, it doesn’t really matter if it’s a state. Morally, this weed stinks just as much whether you call it a state or a soccer league that rapes, tortures, and murders people on the side.

    Whoa, the NFL is a soccer league?

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  45. Pere Ubu4:56 PM

    I can count on my fucking non-existent third hand the number of right wingers who practiced that philosophy when McVeigh blew up the Murrah Building.



    It wasn't so much criticism of atrocities from "reasonable moderates" as it was "NUH HUH NOT OUR FAULT CLINTON'S CENSORING US THE TYRANT!"

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  46. Pere Ubu4:58 PM

    No, it's a dessert topping.

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  47. I've figured it out. Every time he farts it resets his brain and sends him off on a tangent. Based on today's offering he's going to need new underpants, pants, a chair and that plastic thing they put under office chairs so they can roll around better.

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  48. Pere Ubu5:03 PM

    "Hello? Crime Scene Cleanup? Yeah, we have a job for you..."

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  49. gocart mozart5:10 PM

    Fun Fact: I can clap with one hand.

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  50. Pere Ubu5:18 PM

    Oh, and as far as "reasonable moderates" denouncing the actions of extremists go - recall also how quick the right wing media screechers were to distance themselves from the milita movement after the Murrah Building bombing.

    Wait, ha ha, they didn't do that at all - they instead whined about free speech and it wasn't their fault nohow and they didn't say nothing and you can't prove anything and the vase was broken when they got home from school. Oh, and Clinton was trying to tyrannically silence their free speech by asking them to tone down the rhetoric, the tyrant.

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  51. TGuerrant5:25 PM

    If not a peripheral point that serves to posit points of distinct centrality when viewed from another angle.

    The Confusitronic Equivocator is refusing to cycle off, Professor! What do I do? What do I DO?

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  52. Goldberg's "writing" is like a turnip's dream of Joyce--Stream of Unconsciousness.

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  53. Jonah Goldberg is a man?

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  54. The Illogical Planner6:01 PM

    No, it's not a devious plan. It's a cunning plan!

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  55. Pere Ubu6:08 PM

    He's getting writing advice from Baldrick.

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  56. Pere Ubu6:13 PM

    I've got to read these more carefully - I keep missing the early low-hanging mangoes, thusly:

    They’re not there yet; their delivery of social services seems spotty at
    best, though they do collect taxes and uphold the law (in a fashion).


    Hm, by that logic there are red states here that wouldn't pass Pantload's definition of a "state".

    Plus I am now to believe that he now, or ever, cares/d flying French fornication for "delivery of social services"?

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  57. Derelict6:24 PM

    And let's not forget the "majority of responsible gun owners" who make up "the majority of NRA members," yet they never, ever speak out about even the most ridiculous and extreme NRA positions or the wildest "antics" of their most extreme fellow members. Odd, that.

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  58. ...more September-October 2011 retro bullshit to come.



    You do mean September-October 2001 retro bullshit, don't you?

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  59. Derelict6:28 PM

    Plus, if we work on those things above, we don't have to blow the limbs off of anyone's children.

    And there's your problem. For nearly all inhabitants of Washington, DC, there is only one possible solution to any problem in the world: Blow things up. Hence, our deep, deep concern for the plight of Syrian refugees could only be expressed in the form of bombing Syria--not, say, providing any relief or supplies or evacuation of said refugees.

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  60. QUESTIONS REMAIN: Why doesn't Mullah Jonah issue a fartwah against ISIS?

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  61. basenjibrian7:01 PM

    :)

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  62. basenjibrian7:03 PM

    Cuddling with the Nazi State, actually. It was more important for the souls of mankind that the institutional Catholic church be preserved than to protest, say, the Final Solution.

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  63. Depends on how many Cheetos he's eaten, and how messily.

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  64. Delivery of pizza services maybe.

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  65. ken_lov7:16 PM

    Yes it's a remarkable example of the "when all you have is a hammer" principle. The reflexive response to any problem has become "find those responsible and kill them", as if there is a finite number of bad people in the world and once they've all been dispatched, all problems will be solved. Sadly, as technology makes it ever easier to locate and kill people from the comfort of an air-conditioned video console in Texas, this response is likely to get even more attractive.


    And when the inevitable retaliation eventually comes, all we'll hear is the cries of "Savages! Stone Age Barbarians! How dare they kill with a knife!!!"

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  66. tigrismus7:25 PM

    If that were true his writing would be better...

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  67. YNWA405157:26 PM

    And there would be a lot more bits about turnips, I suspect.

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  68. tigrismus7:27 PM

    Well, let's just say male, alright?

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  69. +1 the comment you love without the cholesterol

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  70. WHAT ABOUT THE SCIENTOLOGISTS
    [drops mike]

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  71. There is indeed an extensive body of law about what is and is not a religion. Because otherwise I could start my First Church of Kicking NRO Writers in the Pants and get tax-exempt status to help with my sacred Pants Kicking duties, but that's all mumble grumble fart on Jonah.

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  72. Stealing "Fartwah."

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  73. Some beans plus some beans equals faaaaaaaaaart!

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  74. StringOnAStick8:38 PM

    No, no, no; same level of incoherence, but shorter.

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  75. Pere Ubu8:39 PM

    First Church of Kicking NRO Writers in the Pants


    Interest, pamphlet, etc.

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  76. Pere Ubu8:40 PM

    Until his liver says "ENOUGH!" and stomps out the door.

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  77. coozledad9:39 PM

    Like the several hundred foot deposit of fish shit in the Mindanao trench, but with less hope of recovery.

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  78. coozledad9:43 PM

    I still believe he's Cloda Rogers.

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  79. Stealing? It's my gift to you, the English language, and the world.

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  80. Actually, most D.C.itizens are OK, it's the visitors can be annoying.

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  81. BigHank539:52 PM

    Way to take all the fun out of petty larceny, spoilsport.

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  82. Another scat-tershot offering from his lower bowel.

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  83. coozledad9:54 PM

    Or the NRO article " Not all whites are hopped up meth trash who've been tapped for the vice presidency by some old rancid entitled military brat idiot slider."

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  84. "Whenever a tiny minority of bad actors hurts the reputation of its
    ethnicity, faith, or cause by doing terrible things in the name of its
    ethnicity, faith, or cause, the responsible thing is for the moderate,
    decent majority to cry “Not in our name!” or “They don’t speak for us!”

    Well, to be fair, I HAVE been waiting for the Saudis, the Kuwaitis, the Qataris, and The Emirates to say something... beyond "We'll hold your coat, American infidels". All I've heard so far is crickets...

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  85. "....but more specifically because we desperately need the cooperation of
    Muslim nations. That’s why Bush constantly proclaimed “Islam means
    peace.”


    Yeah, I remember that. I also remember that every time Obama says anything remotely similar about Islam or Muslims, he gets ripped by mouth breathing cement heads for being a closet jihadi sympathizer.

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  86. Pere Ubu10:20 PM

    "Durr, yeah, some 'religion of peace', huh?" -- Every fucking warblogger and professional Islamophobe for the last 13 years

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  87. Fred Wertham, Jr.11:04 PM

    Jonah must be a lot smarter than I am because I can't make any sense out of that at all. Way over my head, I guess.

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  88. Derelict11:17 PM

    The only purple monkey I've ever associated with Jonah is the one he spanks.

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  89. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person11:22 PM

    Given the First Amendment alone, there’s something un-American in any
    government official simply declaring what is or is not a religion.



    That there is some Olympic-level reaching. Hope he didn't pull a muscle, but you know damn well he fell over doing that. Even with his foot stuck in a bucket, jammed in the refrigerator door...

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  90. Derelict11:23 PM

    Well, Hitler was also a vegetarian. And some liberals are vegetarians. So not just Q.E.Derp, but Derpus Summa Magnus.

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  91. Derelict11:25 PM

    I wonder what Jonah had to say about the Hobby Lobby decision?

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  92. DocAmazing11:27 PM

    He butts up against greatness.

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  93. DocAmazing11:38 PM

    Forget it, Jonah. No one's sharing their peyote with you.

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  94. montag212:18 AM

    Odd that you've named the players funding the IS on the sly. Yes, the Saudis have put a visa ban on Saudis going to fight, but, I suspect that's just because the royals don't want them coming back to Arabia with some ideas inconvenient to the monarchy. "Just destroy those Shia and Alawite countries we don't like, but leave us alone. After all, we're paying."

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  95. I plan to be one next spring. I promise not to appear on any Sunday morning talk shows.

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  96. montag212:23 AM

    Didn't work, did it?

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  97. If they could just convince JG to write his columns in a tool shed with a sawdust floor, NRO might finally be able to turn a profit.

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  98. Damn! I wanted to "borrow" it and then make you ask twelve times for it back.

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  99. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:35 AM

    Yes, but see, this gives a higher density of incoherence, and you have to admire Mr W for taking that kind of risk. I mean, if you're sitting within the Derp Radius of an Incoherency when it goes critical, well, "you owe me a new keyboard" wouldn't cover it...

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  100. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:36 AM

    But if he turns the other one, God'll get him for that...

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  101. montag212:40 AM

    And, don't forget the all-time favorite: "They hate us for our freedoms!"

    I keep wondering if Bandar Bush suggested that one to Dubya....

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  102. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:55 AM

    Or the tumultuous uproar of the bloviating and talking-over at Fox, as when Hassan Shibly of CAIR told Our Miss Megyn that



    'ISIS is considered Islamic in the same way that the Westboro Baptist Church or xenophobic extremists like Anders Breivik, who massacred 77 people in Norway in 2011, are considered Christian' and totally IOTTMCO stuff like



    The reality is that moderate Christians, Muslims and Jews have a lot
    more in common with each other than they do with extremists from within
    their own faith," he responded. "And actually, extremist Muslims and
    extremist anti-Muslims have a lot in common. And that is that they both
    distort the Islamic faith to promote their twisted agenda, which is
    rejected by the 1.7 billion Muslims of the world



    He threw that "1.7 billion" in there just to twist the knife a bit. Good.

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  103. montag212:56 AM

    Well, ignoring for the moment the IRS' obligations to do so for tax purposes, I would think that most ordinary people, government officials included, would be inclined to think, rightly, that if an entity is invoking God, a religion is not far behind.

    Gee, this is not difficult.

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  104. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:59 AM

    "Oops, I wet 'em!"

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  105. AGoodQuestion1:17 AM

    Whenever a tiny minority of bad actors hurts the reputation of its ethnicity, faith, or cause by doing terrible things in the name of its ethnicity, faith, or cause, the responsible thing is for the moderate, decent majority to cry “Not in our name!” or “They don’t speak for us!”


    As Jonah himself - you know, assuming he's the author - said earlier in the column, these ISIS fuckers are mostly killing other Muslims. Like, how much ambiguity is there left as to whether or not they represent the broader Muslim population? Cherry concern trolling, though.

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  106. AGoodQuestion1:20 AM

    He was running low. I guess the shipment comes in on Friday.

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  107. ken_lov2:06 AM

    In a strange way Bush was quite correct of course. I'm sure the freedom to kill people with impunity has generated quite a lot of hatred of America, especially when it's dressed up as an act of high moral virtue. It's noteworthy that plenty of people still living will be able to remember all those westerns portraying Indians as sub-human savages who richly deserved to be slaughtered. State-sanctioned extra-judicial killing has a long history in the USA.

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  108. You mean the USA, "the greatest country ever created by God," the same God who must also have created, oh, say, the Neronian imperium or Nazi Germany? I keep forgetting what God did and didn't do, and why, and how.

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  109. Upvote for "cherry" as an adjective, though I wonder if it means today what it meant when I was in high school 45 years ago.

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  110. dstatton10:11 AM

    Than't what I meant.

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  111. Pere Ubu10:38 AM

    BTW, if you think this is bad, you should check out Jonah's newest (I think it's his newest).

    Something about words and how they mean things, but from what little I saw it looked more like he'd finally gotten into Lucianne's pot stash.

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  112. Zen Buttism. Faaaaaaaaaart!

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  113. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:57 PM

    Oh, poor Mork...

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  114. I mean, here, if you don't want to go mango-gathering:

    But I can’t make that comparison — because writing a book is worse than that. You see there’s nothing “non-stop” about writing a book save the constant yearning to either reach the destination or the unending sound of the siren on your shoulder counseling you to give up and beach the ship. Even though you’re often surrounded by people, you’re always alone in that community-of-one called “the author of your unfinished book.”

    It’s more like a years-long journey with constant layovers, cancelled planes, and rerouting through Newark. Every time you push away from the keyboard, it’s like deplaning just long enough to see if Wolfgang Puck Express has finally decided to more accurately rename itself “Bowel Stewery on the Go.”

    I know what you’re thinking right now: “Stewery isn’t a word.” To which I ask, “That’s your objection to this rant?”

    I am sure there are people who love writing books. They probably aren’t deadline pundits on the side. They’re probably the kind of people who only wear sweaters perfectly tied around their necks and who have only happy memories of spending summers at the beach eating noodle salad with good friends. (“Are the good friends in the noodle salad? Because that’s dark, man, even for me.” — The Couch).


    AND totally mischaracterizing both Orwell's 1984 and "Politics and the English Language", as well as speculating on (of course!) pot brownies and "Gilligan's Island".


    There are three more pages of this. One was more than enough for me.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Another Kiwi4:19 PM

    He would have a cunning plan.

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  116. montag25:59 PM

    Just maybe the sorriest-ass, most dilettantish writer currently living in the world today. He's actually fucking whining about having to write--and this fucker got no small advance for the book he's complaining about having to write.

    Muthafuckah, he's an irritating bag of wind. "Deadline pundit" my fuckin' dingleberries.

    ReplyDelete
  117. He also whines at least twice on the first page about how people should go buy his previous book.

    Sales are that good, eh, Doughbob?

    ReplyDelete
  118. My pyloric valve is most certainly closed now and the undoubtedly the
    rest of my day will be ruined. I hope you are pleased with yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Derelict8:32 PM

    There are flies, alright. But they're not on the walls.

    ReplyDelete
  120. OOPS, he did it again!

    http://crookedtimber.org/2014/09/13/finally-a-solution-to-the-problem-of-political-correctness-political-correctification-of-names/
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  121. moops9:38 PM

    The Goddess Fortuna again turns her wheel

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  122. moops9:51 PM

    Actually, Bush's actions and words do not correlate, but by his behavior you can tell he doesn't really have a grudge against Muslims. He is probably the most Arab-sympathetic President the US has had in a while. By sympathetic I could mean he french kisses Saud Princes, like his dad, and hates Persians. He tends to like the fake Muslims, like the Royal families, like he enjoys the fake Christian royalty. Devout people freak him out.

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  123. AGoodQuestion11:32 PM

    Things that are unattainable tend to become sexy and alluring, but I'm not sure that extends to Jonah's approbation.

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  124. AGoodQuestion11:43 PM

    The feds who spent a few minutes chatting with Ted Nugent were oppressing his right to threaten presidential assassination. It was wrong to inconvenience George Zimmerman with a trial after Trayvon got in the way of his bullet. These people live to obsess over the speck in your eye and ignore the plank in their own.

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  125. AGoodQuestion11:47 PM

    It could. I was thinking of an old Jan and Dean song.

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  126. AGoodQuestion11:51 PM

    Sweet mother of fuck, does he really think that he suffered more writing his book than anyone else did reading it?

    ReplyDelete
  127. Noodle salad? Leave it to Jonah to eat a salad without green vegetables.

    ReplyDelete
  128. smut clyde2:16 AM

    Obama says ISIS is neither Islamic nor a state


    OK, call it the Holy Roman Empire.

    ReplyDelete
  129. Ivan Renko7:49 AM

    "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jackboots. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts. Smiley-smiley."
    -George Carlin

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  130. susanoftexas8:37 AM

    He whined about book sales when it came out; he wrote a post complaining that his readers weren't buying the book in sufficient numbers.
    He got a million dollar advance for Tyranny of Cliches. He's the Jim Carrey of the right.

    ReplyDelete
  131. mortimer20008:45 AM

    Wow. Roy's theory is proved once again, and this one is certainly "something else."

    When Words Lose Their Meaning, by Jonah Goldberg

    The author, mind you, of a book called Liberal Fascism.

    Y'know, "Christ what an asshole" may make an amusing caption for every New Yorker cartoon, but it also the most sensible reaction to all Goldberg columns.

    ReplyDelete
  132. susanoftexas8:53 AM

    We need a cover, perhaps some text that claims liberals' words contradict their meaning while demonstrating conservatives' words contradict their meaning. Any Jonah column will do.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Breaking virgin (ahem) territory in concern trolling?

    ReplyDelete
  134. I have waited through this whole thread, or waded through it, to find this joke. I can't believe Jonah missed it because its just the sort of flotsam and jetsam (apologies smut clyde) that would be floating around in his mental morass.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Susan of Texas11:45 AM

    #notallpenises

    ReplyDelete
  136. DocAmazing12:17 PM

    Just maybe the sorriest-ass, most dilettantish writer currently living in the world today.


    Not as long as Megan McArdle draws bechamel-scented breath.

    ReplyDelete
  137. bekabot1:15 PM

    "They’re not there yet; their delivery of social services seems spotty at best, though they do collect taxes and uphold the law (in a fashion)."

    Delivery of social services? Whut? Goldberg et al. have been maintaining for years that the delivery of social services is no part of the burden of a state and that the proper function of a state is to "uphold the law" — IOW, organize the violence (which the ISIS dudes do "in a fashion" when they behead people) — and that a virtuous enough state will be able to uphold the law (or organize the violence) without collecting taxes. (Maybe that's the trick which ISIS has yet to master, although ISIS comes closer to realizing this ideal than any Western polity I can think of.) Throughout, religion is supposed to replace more secular forms of organization as a regulating principle. Since, under these rules, the principle of organization is religious and not secular, two things tend to happen: first, sins against religion ("against God"*) are the ones which get punished and second, sins or perceived sins against the polity are reconstructed into sins against God (i.e. into the kind which everyone agrees are punishable). To some extent, a social landscape like this one prevailed in pre-Revolutionary Russia.

    This is the form of social organization which Goldberg and his cohort recommend. Since ISIS is further down the road to achieving it than they are, it's Goldberg and his pals who "aren't there yet." ISIS is nearer than they are to their goal.

    *Sometimes these are categorized as "sins against Nature," but ISIS doesn't seem to feel the need to classify them that way.

    ReplyDelete
  138. bekabot1:37 PM

    Jonah: "You're supposed to make me believe it is butter, damn you!!"

    ReplyDelete
  139. As I said below, according to Jonah's formulation there are large parts of our own country which could not be termed "state". As well as other countries - I'm specifically thinking Russia, given that services there are now bad enough their life expectancy is going down.

    Also note that what Jonah refers to euphemistically as "upholding the law" is less the respect for a codified set of laws than terrorizing the surrounding citizens into submission. Do we, therefore, conclude that this young Glibertarian sees nothing wrong with the concept, as long as it's directed at someone other than white male rentiers?

    ReplyDelete
  140. satch3:46 PM

    Ooh... but "Deadline Pundit" sounds so... you know... SERIOUS. Sort of like the old Bogart movie "Deadline U.S.A.", but with more Cheetos.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Oh, fucking wait -

    it also seems flatly wrong for an American president to be declaring what is or is not Islamic

    Yet it is to be considered perfectly fucking valid for some professional green-baiter like Pam Gellar or Steve Emerson to tell us what is and isn't Islamic because yadda yadda Koran blah blah dhimmitude blurgle crunch jihad.

    ReplyDelete
  142. RogerAiles5:43 PM

    Sounds like "Bob Greene, Deadline Reporter," but with a dog instead of a high school girl.

    ReplyDelete
  143. freq flag11:41 PM

    Now with extra detail, care, and cerntal-to-his-point-ism!

    ReplyDelete
  144. freq flag11:53 PM

    "Hey" from Jerad and Amanda Miller, protecting Liberty & Freedom by murdering cops and Good Guys With Guns™ in a Walmart.

    ReplyDelete
  145. freq flag12:00 AM

    writing typing his book...
    (aka "writing" libel)

    ReplyDelete
  146. freq flag12:10 AM

    Amen...I'm also recalling the mass derpgasm that was had by the same contingent throughout the post-9/11 blogosphere when they concocted the term "Islamofascist" and the tingle it gave them when they could use it as an insult equivalent to "libtard."

    ReplyDelete
  147. mgmonklewis11:14 AM

    I asked this comment with my eyes to ask again yes and then it asked me would I
    yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around it yes
    and drew it down to me so it could feel my breasts all perfume yes and
    its heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Ivan Renko12:31 PM

    OMG, my niece is such an Orwellian dork. I keep trying to convince her to convert to liberalism, or at least pretend to be a hip proggie just for the cool factor that membership in that club would afford her, but she doesn't listen.

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  149. brantl1:22 PM

    Lord, what a schmuck.

    ReplyDelete