Monday, August 11, 2014
WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?
"Chuck Todd To Replace David Gregory? Mike Allen and Dylan Byers say it looks that way. Full disclosure: I am friendly with Chuck Todd (and my wife worked with him years ago). I know he has his detractors on the right (and on the left!) and I’ve certainly had my disagreements with him. But I remain a fan. He’s a true student of politics and he sincerely tries to call ‘em like he sees him." -- Jonah Goldberg.
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Dick Gregory? HOT DAMN.
ReplyDeleteOh. Wait.
The issue isn't whether Todd's good or terrible (I think he's meh minus to turrible); the issue is whether he's worse than David Gregory (which would be hard to imagine).
ReplyDeleteNo, the issue is this: name one single thing that Jonah Goldberg approved of that isn't a complete and utter fucking disaster. The man's an idiot savant: ask him what to do and you'll find out the one thing you absolutely shouldn't.
ReplyDeleteThe original Star Trek was pretty good.
ReplyDeleteThe list of qualified conservative journalists is quite long these days, but I shall refrain from naming names for fear of leaving someone off. Oh, okay, I’ll name a few…let’s see, there’s Dopey and Doc and Sneezy and Dasher; Prancer, Comet, Vixen, and that one with the news nose alert thingee; Reporter Smurf, Handsy Smurf, Nosey Smurf and those other Smurfs who do excellent undercover fungal work (a true dynasty, just like the Bushys!); Rich Lowry, whose erect nose for solid reportage can sniff a starburst in a snowstorm; that leggy Peggy Noonan gal who I’ve always wanted to chain in my basement and force feed Cheetos to while playing Nixon White House tapes over a Zamfir music bed; the many blonde gals on Fox News who cross their legs just so; I haven’t read him in a while but that Breitbart fellow who can really raise heartbeats to the right and of course I have to mention Sean Hannity, even though we share the same manicurist and our wives drink gallons of white wine and then abuse the wait staff together.
ReplyDeleteGosh, I’m sure I’ve left out loads.
No it wasn't.
ReplyDeletethat leggy Peggy Noonan gal who I’ve always wanted to chain in my basement and force feed Cheetos to while playing Nixon White House tapes over a Zamfir music bed
ReplyDeleteUh, could I sign up for your chain e-mails?
"[Chuckles] sincerely tries to call ‘em like he sees him." - J. Goldfapp
ReplyDeleteSees him? I barely reached around him!
I hope never to see another buffoon w/ a goatee on my tee vee.
ReplyDeleteToo bad Todd isn't a student of policy rather than politics.
http://youtu.be/_cNltwUG8Tk
He has such sights to show us.
ReplyDeleteI don't know, it seems to me that Jonah just made an argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care before and he deserves much credit for having done so.
ReplyDeleteNote "call ‘em like he sees him." in the original.
ReplyDeleteThe list of qualified conservative journalists is quite long these days, but I shall refrain from naming names for fear of leaving someone off because the intern who researches that kind of crap is gone for the day.
ReplyDeleteHe can't be bothered to even fart his own farts now.
I thought I was joking but after clicking your link, I guess I wasn't.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see the quotation marks at first and I was really confused--like "I'm in bizarro world confused" at the thought of Roy and Kia being personal friends of Chuck Todd. Thank god before I slit my wrists I looked more closely and realized those little marks weren't just dust on my computer screen.
ReplyDeleteTrue, but if my doctor told me that the medicine that cured my ebola will leave me with chronic dysentery for the rest of my life, you'd understand if I didn't jump for joy.
ReplyDeleteHe just likes Chuck Todd because the name reminds him of chuck steak.
ReplyDelete"Damnit, Jonah, don't go putting A-1 on my leg!"
fuck. that was completely unexpected.
ReplyDeleteemphasis on the "chain"
ReplyDelete"(I have no doubt that one of the main reasons Gregory’s ratings have slumped is that he has zero credibility with right-of-center viewers...)"
ReplyDeleteAH HAAHHH HAH HAH *glarg, sznort ghack* "cough"
Oh, Jeezus, Jonah... next time, give me some warning before you say something like that!
"I am friendly with Chuck Todd" = "He doesn't curse and throw things when he sees me."
ReplyDeleteName dropping is sooo unattractive.
I thought I had a sense of how bad a writer he is but wow.
ReplyDeleteThe saddest part to me is that it, stylistically at least, reads not unlike something I would have written in high school.
ReplyDeleteActually, the saddest part is that I was in high school when he wrote it (1999, man I'm getting old) and he still writes that way.
Jesus, Roy. I missed the quotation marks at first, and I thought it was you saying you were "friendly with Chuck Todd". I deeply apologize for my brief delusion.
ReplyDeleteWell, by right-of-center, Der Pantload must mean those of the regular Meet the Press audience that builds bombs in their basements and passes around their detailed two-page plans for overthrowing the government and instituting Biblical law. Gregory, it is true, doesn't have much to say to them.
ReplyDeleteMr. Todd, I need you to pledge you will never, ever bring John McCain on as a guest, otherwise I will be forced to go public with this endorsement from Jonah Goldberg.
ReplyDeleteThis prompted an image of an intern, hired specifically for the task, suctioning Der Pantload once an hour.
ReplyDeleteWhich, upon consideration, sounds like the perfect apprenticeship for an up-and-coming wingnut welfare recipient.
I think Jonah likes some flavors of Cheetos that are not actually instant death to ingest.
ReplyDeleteThere's a certain camp value to "The Way to Eden"--nothing can be all bad with Charles Napier musical numbers--but WHAT KIND OF MONSTER LIKES "TURNABOUT INTRUDER"?
ReplyDeleteYes, those were some strange seconds spent trying to assimilate that: "Huh. Well, Edroso has lived in DC, and who knows what his wife does, and maybe Todd has some connection with the Voice, and, -- oh, quotation marks -- I've really got to get to the optometrist.
ReplyDeleteIndeed. That is central to his point.
ReplyDeleteI remember when Chuck Toddler was first on the electric teevee machine, and I didn't think he was so bad offering poll analysis to Rachel Maddow et al.
ReplyDeleteAnd then they decided he needed to opine on topics where he had no expertise, except to note that Both Sides Do It.™
Jesus, where do they find these people? It's not like there aren't plenty of out-of-work people who aren't obvious buffoons, who would tailor their opinions to comfort the Villagers equally as well as Todd. Or Gregory. Or Li'l Luke Russert. Or... Or... [urp] Pardon me, I'm going to be sick.
I'm sorry, but Chuck Todd always struck me as a grinning, useless idiot. Would someone please correct me if I'm wrong. It would explain why Jonah Goldberg digs him.
ReplyDeleteRoy is quite the wag, but I'm sure that he'd feel awful if one of his pranks caused you to open a vein.
ReplyDeleteAnd even if they occasionally didn’t include a conservative competition between questioners alone would invite a more robust discussion.
ReplyDeleteI know what Jonah is trying to say here but... Actually, no, I don't.
Given the sky-scraper heights of hackery to which David Gregory drove the show, having "Troposphere" Chuck Todd take over is only natural. Few in media who are not working for Fox can be relied upon to bring you viewpoints ranging from the right to the extreme right like Chuck can. Even fewer can so thoroughly internalize the day's talking point and seamlessly weave it into the narrative with Chuck's skill.
ReplyDeleteSo fear not! You'll still get all the hackery that Gregory provided. But now it will come through a goatee!
Jonah endorses Chuck:
ReplyDelete"Are you there, Todd? It's me, Jonah!"
It's Jonah, so I think you can pluralize "dropping".
ReplyDeleteAgreed. It's a nasty shock.
ReplyDeleteName dropping is unattractive when it's someone actually impressive.
ReplyDeleteWhen it's Chuck Todd, it's more you staring at the person and wondering 'whhhhhyyyyy?'
"Hey, put some muscle into it!"
ReplyDeleteI absolutely want Chuck Todd to replace David Gregory. I want to know NBC didn't learn its lesson.
ReplyDeleteUh oh. Reason is about to throw a hissy fit.
ReplyDeleteBoy, you'd think someone riding the wave of the future would have better things to do with his time than huffily correct a snarky piece of commentary...even if it was printed by something that gets a hell of lot more eyeballs than Reason ever does.
ReplyDeletei will fight to the death on behalf of 'the way to eden.' THE. DEATH.
ReplyDeleteLet's attribute fun quotes to Jonah Goldberg. By the way...
ReplyDelete"All of you spell my name whrong."
--Jonah Goldberg
Jonah would have written the exact same thing if Victor Davis Handjob was replacing Gregory.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the thing I've always heard is that Todd was genuinely good at horse-race analysis. His promotion to the political beat would seem to be the Peter Principle in action.
ReplyDeleteActually, it seems to me that a big problem with political coverage in general is that political TV journalists have frequently been promoted there from campaign journalism, and/or slum it there every 2 or 4 years. It taints the peacetime coverage with speculation about the upcoming electoral war they really want to be covering.
I had the same awful reaction, until I noticed how bad the writing was.
ReplyDeleteAnd when Todd's ratings head for the toilet, they'll bite the bullet and install Li'l Luke in his father's chair and they will then proclaim their work done.
ReplyDeleteAny expectation that NBC actually cares about quality news programming is bound to be dashed against the rocks. If there are any lingering doubts about that, just look at NBC's current owners.
Let me run by my people...
ReplyDeleteI have two theories, which are mine.
ReplyDelete1. It is a thickly veiled weasel-around to get Joberg on the show.
2. It involves a competition to see who can get the most dildos into their wetsuits.
This memo is classic Joberg. He starts off all "I want Chuck Todd in there" and then slowly backpedals down to "Whatevah! Is it lunchtime?" Along the way dropping in few names of famous people he has seen on the TeeVee.
ReplyDeleteThere is the obligatory "but I shall refrain from naming names because I'd have to look it up or some such fucking thing". The interns have got his style down pat.
Also R.Williams gone, fucking universe.
"Here. In the whale….No, inside the whale. What? Wait, who is this? Todd?…Oh, hey, my wife used to work for you."
ReplyDeleteHm. Dick Armey was last on Meet The Press 8/22/2010. . .
ReplyDeleteWelch complains about this line of Roy's in his hissy fit:
ReplyDeleteAt Reason, you're far more likely to see defenses of the poor bakers who are being forced to bake gay wedding cakes than defenses of gay marriage.
Welch says that you will find no such defenses. In fact...
Reason, on the other hand, was editorializing in favor of gay marriage way back in 1975.
Welch then gives us an excerpt from that editorial:
The marriage laws are obviously discriminatory and thereby deny to homosexual couples legal benefits granted to heterosexual marrieds—lower tax rates, immunity from being forced to testify against a spouse, etc. Probably the most blatantly homophobic institution in our society is the military and security establishment. The armed forces' refusal to allow homosexuals to join or to stay in the military reaches beyond the issue of whether homosexuals should have a chance to receive the training, pensions, and other benefits their tax dollars are paying for-veteran status and an honorable discharge affect a man's chances of getting a job, being admitted to a school, receiving preferential insurance rates, etc. [...]
See any mention of gay marriage, or the legalization thereof? Me neither. But here's the fun part, the very next sentence of that editorial which Welch oddly omits:
Note that I am not talking about a private business discriminating against homosexuals—libertarians certainly recognize the right to discriminate so long as no force is involved.
I'm guessing that would be small businesses like bakers.
And that's how the pros do it folks; links are like footnotes, they never suspect anyone might actually read them.
punctuation how duz it werk
ReplyDeleteAaand the countdown at Breitbart.com begins:
ReplyDeleteRobin Williams was conservative in 5... 4... 3...
I can't help but have a soft spot for anything with Charles Napier in it.
ReplyDeleteJonah lauds a guy for trying to "call em like he sees em." I'll take it as an admission that Jonah calls em (and thinks most journalists call em) like the audience sees em, or like the boss sees em, or like the guest sees em. Also what's with "tries"? Jonah, you're a professional writer, you know words mean stuff, right? "He's exceptional because he tries to be honest when he tells you his opinion. Sometimes he fails, but at least he tries. So he definitely should anchor a major political analysis talkshow." Jebus that bar is set low.
ReplyDeleteWho needs to look at the owners? When the content is used to sell ads, watching the ads will let you know who the network thinks is watching. There's a new ClearChannel "classic rock" radio station near me; the ads are all for title loan sharks, tax judgement lawyers, and strip clubs. It's a fuckin' insult to protoplasm, and that's even before they start playing any of their butt-rock.
ReplyDeleteNetwork TV is only about five years behind ClearChannel. If Ow, My Balls! wasn't already copyrighted....
Roy Edroso, the sour media critic of The Village Voice
ReplyDeleteWhat is "sour media", and in what way is it sour? Sour like a whiskey sour, or sour like an Atomic Warhead?
The electoral horse race is so much easier to cover, though. You never have to ask if a politician's idea is any good or not, just round up some blatherfaces to blather about which demographics are popping a boner over it. In the second half of the show, we'll discuss Citizens United's new Bitch, I Will Cut You attack ad showing Hillary Clinton in an orange jumpsuit! Does it cross the line? Join us as we play it fourteen times!
ReplyDeleteMaybe trying to tell the truth is harder than it sounds? Maybe after fighting for a few decades to get to the big desk, trying to tell the truth seems like a big risk, seeing as for the entire first part of his career "telling the truth" was a great way to find out how tough the job market for journalists really is when one has been terminated with cause from one's previous gig.
ReplyDeleteIt'll be less of a shock once you finally get around to working on David Vitter's next campaign.
ReplyDeleteTheir overton window is sitting in the right field bleechers. On the Atlantic blog, they call Conor Feirsdorf a leftist. By this criteria, Reagan is a moderate and Ted Cruz is center right. Goldberg is correct in that Gregory has no credibility with the supporters of Genghis Kahn.
ReplyDeleteSince Roy critiques the right wing media, I assume the "sour media" refers to themselves. I f so, I find this honesty to be a rare breath of fresh air.
ReplyDelete+ #2
ReplyDeleteThe "sour media" is the mixer in a margarita. Though only pretentious fops like those at Reason call it that.
ReplyDeleteGregory is good friends with Karl Rove, and an active participant in many Republican events (hence the nickname bestowed on him by C. Pierce: The Dancin' Master).
ReplyDeleteBut Rove and his end of the GOP brand is now badly out of favor among the rankest of the files. Among the ignorati today, it's all John Birch revivalism mixed with half-baker glibertarianism, a strong dose of sedition, and an overriding worship of the rich. Since Rove abjures all but the last, he's out of favor. And Gregory (unable to form a single thought that hasn't been given to him) hews to whatever Rove believes.
So, yeah: Gregory got no friends on the right because "the right" as presently constituted is making Francisco Franco look like an anarchist.
Many of Clear Channel's stations are suffering big time from plummeting ad sales. You're getting the titty-bar and DUI lawyer ads because a lot of Clear Channel's locals are now down around "a dollar a holler" for advertising.
ReplyDeleteWithout getting too inside baseball about the whole thing, Clear Channel has yet to figure out that you can't keep alienating your audience and then wonder why you don't have an audience.
what's compelling isn't the hippie punching, it's how the scenario and those characters are used to examine spock and give him depth.
ReplyDeleteIt's called "Meet the Press" because it's like the scene in Time Bandits when Robin Hood (John Cleese) meets "the poor," and smiles emptily and says, "And what do you do?...Marvelous...." like a society swell at a soup kitchen.
ReplyDeleteThe list of qualified conservative journalists is quite long these days
ReplyDeleteO
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"Sour" refers to media critic Roy Ed Roso. For want of a hyphen, a joke was lost.
ReplyDeleteSo. What has Chuck sacrificed? Anything yet?
ReplyDelete