Tuesday, August 12, 2014

THE FUGS.

Latest new thing to criticize about Obama: He doesn't know how to swear. Paul Mirengoff at Power Line:
After reviewing a transcript of President Nixon’s secret tapes, Norman Mailer commented in The New Yorker, “He lacks the simple New York smart to keep the obscenities in. . . We still do not know if he even swears well.”

As for President Obama, we now know that he doesn’t...

For the record, and trust me on this, “horseshit” means bad; “bullshit” means wrong.
To be fair, Mirengoff updated:
I’m getting push back on my definition of horseshit. It seems that these days, the two words — bullshit and horseshit — have become closer in meaning...
You can't go too far wrong if you have a poetic sensibility and righteous indignation.

UPDATE. Elsewhere on the "They try -- man, how they try!" beat, Obama spoke at a fundraiser on Martha's Vineyard and joked about how the water was colder there than in Hawaii. Here's how Breitbart.com headlined it:
AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD, OBAMA COMPLAINS ABOUT COLD OCEAN
It's like a variation on the old Can't Swim joke. And, per the rule of three, here's a link to really ruin your day: Something called "Truesbury," in which some guy takes old Doonesbury strips about Republican Presidents and, I'm not kidding, sticks references to Obama into the world balloons. Who says conservatives can't do culture?

151 comments:

  1. At least "trust me on this" still means "I'm full of shit".

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  2. One would expect Mr. Mirengoff and other right wing critics of all that is Obama to know shit in all its nuances if for no other reason than having your head firmly planted in your fundament, eating, breathing and licking up feces the whole while, should tend to make one rather an expert in excrement.

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  3. Fats Durston10:09 AM

    For the record, and trust me on this, “horseshit” means bad; “bullshit” means wrong.



    Because I, Paul Mirengoff, generate both all day long!

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  4. XeckyGilchrist10:16 AM

    The incivility! Fetch my fainting couch, boy.

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  5. They get pettier and pettier every day, don't they? This is worse than the whole arugula flap back in 2008.

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  6. Brian Schlosser10:40 AM

    I can only imagine what Dorothy Parker would have to say to Mirengoff. Probably something like "Ah, go fuck yourself"

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  7. The man is an authority on shit.

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  8. Well, I see someone just listened to Occupation: Foole for the first time.

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  9. Obama doesn't know how to swear, they go nuts.
    Biden says "fucking" on the Capitol floor, they go nuts.
    Can't win with these jerks.

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  10. mgmonklewis10:51 AM

    [clutches pearls] "Why, those people don't even know how to swear properly — not like real, honest-to-goodness Americans (if you know what I mean, and I think that you do)."
    [wobbles unsteadily to fainting couch; collapses; weakly calls for brandy]

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  11. dstatton11:02 AM

    Of course, he also sees Obama as "trying to be edgy". I remember Jonah Goldberg saying that Obama tries "desperately" to look cool. Yes, that Jonah Goldberg.

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  12. I knew that "Truesbury" guy sounded familiar. He's one of the golden boys that Liberty Island was promoting in that fundraiser from a while back. Don't blame you for not remembering, since his book ("a political/military thriller set in an alternative present where Islamicists have managed to bring down the political and social structure of the U.S.") has the same premise as about 8,259 thrillers written in the last 13 years.

    Speaking of which, the Liberty Island crew has gone back to the crowdfunding well since apparently they didn't get enough money the first time. No date with Rich Lowry this time, it seems.

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  13. tigrismus11:24 AM

    I’m getting push back on my definition of horseshit. It seems that these
    days, the two words — bullshit and horseshit — have become closer in
    meaning...


    Jesus, his own supporting link says the dictionary defines them as being the same, the book is spotlighting that its use in baseball is different from how it's used in other realms.

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  14. Of the many labels the Cons have tried to slap on Obama, I should think "Not Nixonian" will be one he'll treasure for the rest of his life.



    And speaking of neoCon dumbfucks, here's hoping Truesbury finds itself on the underside of intellectual property lawsuit.

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  15. Call_me_Ishmael_again11:30 AM

    Mirengoff, Hindrocket, et al. aka The Blog Of The Year! Take it from someone who knows a little about swearing, those fucking fuckers are fucked.

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  16. anonymouse11:34 AM

    "Truesbury" isn't surprising when you realise that conservative humourists approach being funny in the same way Buffalo Bill approached being a woman. With roughly similar results.

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  17. BigHank5311:37 AM

    From the Liberty Island cup-rattling page:

    Liberty Island's mission is to find the very best fiction written by conservative, libertarian, and contrarian authors.

    Why don't you just trot on down to the local Barnes & Noble?
    You know, where you can find books that have been written and edited by professionals.

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  18. Helmut Monotreme11:37 AM

    Color me unsurprised that the president has enough self control to not swear in the same ZIP code as a microphone.

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  19. dmsilev11:48 AM

    Well, he does share a blog with someone who willingly chose for himself the nickname "Hindrocket". He's seen ...things you people can't imagine.

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  20. Nigel Tufnel11:58 AM

    "Truesbury" is the most pathetic, weak-assed excuse for artistic "expression" I have ever come across.


    And remember, I wrote "Stonehenge".

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  21. DocAmazing12:01 PM

    "Truesbury" makes me long for the artistic freshness of "Mallard Fillmore" and the cutting clarity of "Day By Day".

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  22. RogerAiles12:04 PM

    Tossingoff means masturbation; Mirengoff means hate wanking, followed by the sniffing and licking of fingers.

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  23. Also speaks volumes about their sad definition of manliness. What next? He doesn't spit and grab his crotch, oh noes!

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  24. tigrismus12:06 PM

    The art's good, at least...

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  25. Jaime Oria12:15 PM

    Followed by thrusting said fingers under the nostrils of strangers and saying "Check this out!"

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  26. Jaime Oria12:16 PM

    I prefer Garfield Minus Garfield, myself.

    http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/post/94088914012/g-g-the-book-g-g-on-facebook-g-g-on-twitter

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  27. Megalon12:17 PM

    That's how he knows so much about it.

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  28. Derelict12:18 PM

    2008: "Obama is too much of a street thug--all he knows is the streets!"

    2009: "Obama is too effete--he eats arugula and wants kids to stay in school!"

    2010: "Obama is completely ineffectual. Useless. He does nothing and accomplishes nothing."

    2011: "ZOMG! Obama's a tyrant who's appointing czars everywhere because he's a crypto-Soviet!"

    2012: "Obama knows nothing but strong-arm Chicago politics, and that's why he hasn't been able to strong-arm anyone. Why doesn't he just strong-arm someone?"

    2013: "Obama's too effete, again. He's soooo dainty! Why can't he be tuff and manly?"

    2014: "Obama said naughty words, but he didn't use them correctly. So it doesn't count, or som. . . What? You say horseshit is like bullshit? But, I, uh, um, well, uh. Bullshit?"

    What will next year's big theme be? Maybe "Well, he said horseshit last year, but we know that when he's by himself in the White House it's all MF-er and the N-word!"

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  29. For the record, and trust me on this, “horseshit” means bad; “bullshit” means wrong.


    "And, if I'm being honest, 'batshit' means us--every single one of us."

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  30. Derelict12:19 PM

    Maybe it's because they can't tell shit from shinola?

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  31. mgmonklewis12:21 PM

    Item: "Mallard Fillmore" sucked in just about every aspect. Because comic strip humor is always better when you need long, expository text to set it up.

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  32. Derelict12:21 PM

    . . . his own supporting link says the dictionary defines them as being the same. . .

    Which is central to his point.

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  33. Attack shits on fire on the edge of Uranus...

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  34. Derelict12:23 PM

    Someone needs to send them the latest Regnery catalog.

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  35. Smarter than Your Average Bear12:27 PM

    and it's a close cousin to "Here hold my beer" you just know there's a train wreck a comin'

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  36. FrenchFriar12:59 PM

    The futile attempts to delegitimize Barry's swimming prowess is what we all know it is.



    As for the outright theft by that clueless maroon Roy Griffins, Garry Trudeau should call his solicitors and sue for copyright infringement.

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  37. calling all toasters1:07 PM

    I see that they've passed to the 38th Stage of Grief: confusion about how to use quotes from Norman Mailer, how to curse, and which end of the horse is the front..

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  38. Ellis_Weiner1:08 PM

    "...with the proviso that 'very best' is a relative term, and is not meant to imply or guarantee high quality."

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  39. ColBatGuano1:15 PM

    But is it as bad as the mustard kerfuffle of 2009?

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  40. redoubtagain1:28 PM

    (This might be the single most chickenshit thing I've read this year.)

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  41. Geo X1:28 PM

    I disagree. I support people being able to appropriate and reconfigure art for their own purposes, even when said purposes are as unspeakably lame as this is.

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  42. tigrismus1:31 PM

    OBAMA COMPLAINS ABOUT COLD OCEAN

    He was just breaking the ice.

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  43. dmsilev1:50 PM

    But enough of Jonah Goldberg...

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  44. WHERE IS YOUR GLOBAL WARMING NOW, LIEBERALS???
    ~

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  45. Oh, I remember the great green tea horror show of Ought 4, when Mr. Kerry requested this arcane substance at a restaurant where it was, in fact, served and caused a great disaster, as though a billion people cried out and were silenced.

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  46. gocart mozart2:50 PM

    That old trope about Democrats not being able to swim.

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  47. KatWillow3:03 PM

    Unless you want them to go nuts.

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  48. LookWhosInTheFreezer3:49 PM

    but we know that when he's by himself in the White House it's all MF-er and the N-word!


    Don't forget "Whitey!"

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  49. Smurch3:50 PM

    You can't argue with the classics.

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  50. BigHank534:00 PM

    Was he supposed to stab Michelle after she called him a fag? Honestly, what sort of "Norman Mailer test" would anyone want to pass?

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  51. Han Solo Basura4:19 PM

    Paul Mirengoff: America's Fastest Rising Young Fool

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  52. sharculese4:44 PM

    So I click on Truesbury and the first two strips happen to be two of my favorites- the rightfully iconic "stonewall" strip and "Guilty, Guilty, Guilty." Which means I feel honor-bound to pick this apart.


    (1). Grifis posts "Stonewall" unmolested, with a footer that this is the strip a cartoonist should be printing today. He seems totally unaware that the entire joke in "Stonewall" is that it's a (bowdlerized version of) something Nixon actually said. So sure, I agree. If a journalist can dig up a recording of Obama telling his staff to stonewall what the fuck ever, we should revisit that moment. Until then, no dice.


    (2) Like all great satire, Doonesbury at its best was capable both of slinging mud at the powerful and poking fun at its lefty, college-aged protagonists (note to Griffis: go look up where Trudeau got the name Doonesbury and get back to me. Go on. I promise you'll be shocked.) 'Marvelous' Mark Slackmeyer is an intentionally over-the-top satire of a lefty college radio personality, and is supposed to sound goofy and unhinged. It's true that when you paste the wingnut shibboleth du jour into his mouth it sounds like something you'd hear on Rush or Hannity in reference to Obama, and yes, that is I guess biting commentary, but not in a way that reflects well on your or jibes with the point your fumbling to make.


    In conclusion, yes, we need a wingnut Doonesbury for the modern era, so long as you have no fucking clue what Doonesbury was and is about.

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  53. sharculese4:46 PM

    Roy, I like to think I can spot racist dogwhistling with the best of them, but I read that as a "if there's global warming why is it cold outside" dig.


    Although it's probably both.

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  54. sharculese4:46 PM

    There is no legal requirement that satire be competent or coherent.

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  55. sharculese4:49 PM

    Barnes & Noble keeps most of the good right wing fiction in the history section, which can be confusing.

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  56. sharculese4:51 PM

    "alternative present"


    That is the most high-falutin term for made-up bullshit I have yet encountered.

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  57. Derelict4:52 PM

    You're expecting an awful lot from people who couldn't tell that Colbert was satire.

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  58. sharculese5:04 PM

    Anarchie!

    http://joeydevilla.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2005/10/anarchie.jpg

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  59. Derelict5:22 PM

    Would that they all might vanish like tears in the rain.

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  60. Derelict5:27 PM

    Equal only by the Cheez Whiz Catastrophe of the same year. That was the year the press decided that, despite decades of Philadelphia tradition, Cheez Whiz was not acceptable on a Cheese Steak sandwich.

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  61. funkula5:37 PM

    Or that Trudeau's middle initial is B, not D.

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  62. I thought it was the other way. The man was offered a choice of cheeses and he chose one, but not the "cheez wit'" which is the cheez whiz version. And they threw a fit because he didn't order it in the approved "philly" way which they all pretended to be experts on.

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  63. With a gun and a scalping knife, while drunk?

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  64. Derelict5:57 PM

    Could be--I'm too lazy right now to Google. The point, however, remains the same: Rightwing makes up petty bullshit, feeds it into Wurlitzer, media duly reports petty bullshit. See also: Latest on "plagiarism" as reported by the NYT.

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  65. dmsilev6:02 PM

    I was there back in 2008 when members of the press(*) accused Obama of elitism because he asked for orange juice instead of coffee in a diner at breakfast time.


    (*) Most notably Chris Matthews, who turned his normal shoutiness up past 11 and managed to reach 12 over the 'issue'.

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  66. drspittle6:40 PM

    Or "Honky", "Mr. Charlie" or "O-fay".


    "I just know those pictures of him with a Black Panther beret standing next to Bill Ayers is buried in Benghazi which is why..."

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  67. cleter7:09 PM

    "Truesbury," eh? Maybe I'll start a comic called "Maoist Fillmore," which would just be "Mallard Fillmore" strips with random sentences from Mao in the word balloons.

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  68. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person8:30 PM

    OK, IANAL, but...why is that "Truesbury" crapola not more like plagiarism than parody? Is he supposed to be parodying Trudeau? or the Doonesbury strip itself? Seems as though he's just borrowing Trudeau's artistic ability to make his own point. I suspect I'm not gonna like the answer...

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  69. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person8:31 PM

    Except when they're "chickenshit"...

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  70. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person8:42 PM

    That's probably because they'd never eaten any, and they all ran to the store and bought a jar and tasted it. After they got the taste out of their mouths, they figured the whole Cheez-Whiz-on-a-sammich thing had to be a joke. Me, I love PCS Sammies, and I loathe da Whiz.

    The important thing though, is not whether or not one cheese (or "cheez") belongs on a sammich more than another, but that this whole mess actually occupied our 1337 media for more than 15 seconds...

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  71. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person8:45 PM

    Smell my beard...

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  72. Tbone9:03 PM

    I just laughed so hard I sharted. Good thing I'm sitting on the toilet.

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  73. Do you still hear the screaming of the lambs? That Buffalo Bill, methinks.

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  74. But there is a legal requirement that it actually be satire.






    Isn't there?

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  75. Yeah. I was thinking the same. I mean, can I use the music bed from The Beatles catalog, change the lyrics, and start selling mp3s online?


    But I only play a lawyer on TV; I suppose next they'll decide that photos by monkeys are now Public Domain.

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  76. billcinsd9:45 PM

    Dabney Coleman was great in Buffalo Bill

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  77. billcinsd9:57 PM

    what are you, an imagineer?

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  78. sharculese10:15 PM

    Absolutely. The satire is terrible, but it's clear what Griffis thinks he's doing and that's enough.

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  79. sharculese10:36 PM

    I don't do copyright, but I would say it's completely legal. Parody doesn't have to be successful or coherent, I mean, the foundational case is 2 Live Crew's parody of "Pretty Woman."



    Clicking around the site is enough to tell you what Griffis thinks his message is- that Obama's crimes are Nixonian in caliber, and that we need a modern Trudeau to call attention to what he's doing. It's dumb, sure, but it's clear, and that not only should be enough, I think it ought to be enough. Judges are a fairly artless people. We do not want them deciding questions of artistic merit.

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  80. sharculese10:40 PM

    Short answer: Yes


    Long answer: It can get complicated, but the bar is pretty low, especially if you're giving what you're making away for free. See my response to Meanie-meanie below.


    Caveat: I have not dealt with IP law since law school.

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  81. Spaghetti Lee11:00 PM

    Honestly I think our political situation would be improved, or at least not worsened, if it was okay for politicians to swear like sailors on camera. "The gentleman from South Carolina can go eat a bag of dicks. I yield the floor."

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  82. Spaghetti Lee11:01 PM

    A drinking contest?

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  83. Spaghetti Lee11:02 PM

    I assumed it was just "Obama's a pussy."

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  84. sharculese11:04 PM

    I spent my childhood with my nose in my dad's old Doonesbury paperbacks. Reading and rereading from Still a Few Bugs in the System to . I didn't get all the jokes at that age, but even when I wasn't sure what was going on it struck me on a very deep level. I take this shit very seriously.

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  85. Tehanu11:16 PM

    Isn't that "dead honky"?

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  86. AGoodQuestion11:16 PM

    While I'm sure that any one of the Powerline founders can count themselves as experts on both horseshit and bullshit, Mirengoff isn't taking into account the way language is flexible and ever-evolving.

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  87. AGoodQuestion11:19 PM

    Trust me on this: I love you, the check's in the mail, and I won't cum in your mouth.

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  88. AGoodQuestion11:24 PM

    You're expecting an awful lot from people who couldn't tell that Colbert was satire.
    And were livid at the deceit once that part was explained to them.

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  89. AGoodQuestion11:31 PM

    One of the great themes of classic Doonesbury is how everyone - CEOs, campus radicals, Viet Cong foot soldiers - has psychological kinks and ulterior motives they can hardly even admit to themselves. No surprise that those who think "conservative" is a synonym for "steadfast, loyal, and true" don't really get it.

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  90. AGoodQuestion11:33 PM

    I thought they had a website for that.

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  91. AGoodQuestion11:35 PM

    You've improved on "Truesbury" already.

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  92. FlipYrWhig11:36 PM

    Ixnay on the exttay-appyhay omicscay. Tom Tomorrow might hear you.

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  93. AGoodQuestion11:45 PM

    Garry Trudeau would have to acknowledge it first, which I wouldn't really recommend he do.

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  94. AGoodQuestion11:49 PM

    Kerry's also the one who was mocked mindlessly in the press for requesting Swiss cheese on his Philly cheesesteak. Any diner I've dined at more than once would be willing to substitute cheeses and not give me shit about it, but I guess there are partisan limits on "the customer is always right."

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  95. AGoodQuestion11:50 PM

    Yeah, that's what I referred to a little down the thread. Kerry wanted Swiss and thus disqualified himself from office.

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  96. sharculese11:51 PM

    Absolutely. And that's what sets Doonesbury apart from so much of political comedy and what made it resonate even when I didn't have the background to understand a lot of the material. The characters weren't just delivery systems for jokes about politics (athough they could be that.) They were people. Deeply weird, fascinating people.

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  97. philadelphialawyer12:08 AM

    'For the record, and trust me on this, “horseshit” means bad; “bullshit” means wrong'

    Idiot. Bullshit and horseshit mean more or less the same thing. What they mean is not bad, certainly. But not exactly merely wrong either. A long winded explanation meant to distract you from the plain meaning of something is bullshit. Thus the internet expression, "I call bullshit on that." Horseshit is pretty much just a variant of that.

    Dogshit, on the other hand, means something which is bad. EG Such and such rock band's third album was dogshit.

    "To be fair, Mirengoff updated:

    "I’m getting push back on my definition of horseshit. It seems that these days, the two words — bullshit and horseshit — have become closer in meaning..."

    Idiot. If anything, the two terms have diverged in recent years, as bullshitting has also come to mean "shooting the breeze." "So and So and I were sitting at the bar bullshitting" means that you and So and So were engaging in meaningless small talk, not that either one of you were lying or somehow getting it "wrong" or were being "bad." But no one says "So and So and I were sitting at the bar horseshitting," because horseshitting still means, as it always had, telling a false or otherwise untrue statement.

    "According to one of the lawmakers. . .the president defended his administration’s actions on Syria, saying that the notion that arming the rebels earlier would have led to better outcomes in Syria was “horseshit.”"

    "Obama undoubtedly meant that it is wrong to believe that arming rebels earlier would have led to better outcomes in Syria. Trying to be edgy, the president mis-cursed. Norman Mailer must be spinning in his grave."

    Applying the above learning, we see that President Obama got it right. It is simply untrue that arming the rebels earlier would have led to a better outcome and folks who say otherwise are doing so for political gain. (And, parenthetically, that is true per se, and is also true in the sense that that is what Obama was implying.) And thus, to say otherwise, is horseshit.

    "The distinction, according to one reader, is that bullshit is the result of an intentional act, whereas horseshit is the result of stupidity or ignorance. If so, one doesn’t always know which animal one is dealing with."
    There may actually be a grain of truth in this (so, naturally, this guy didn't come up with it). Bullshit is seen more as lying, whereas horseshit can be just wrong, even if without malice. So, yeah, maybe, Obama might have been more perfect in his animal excretion metaphor if he had said bullshit rather than horseshit. Big deal.

    "Originally, though, horseshit meant irredeemably bad. It gained currency mainly as the curse word of choice in baseball. A pitcher’s slider might be horseshit. So might his sports coat. Umpires had horseshit strike zones, eyesight, and/or attitude."
    Total nonsense. Horseshit has existed as a metaphor as long as there have been horses. And the idea that baseball somehow invented the term would be horseshit (if I thought this guy was sincere in his ignorance) but is actually bullshit (because he is in fact an intentional liar). OK, maybe in some baseball circles, the term horseshit meant what dogshit means generally (ie something bad, a piece of crap, a POS, in internet terms), but that was never the general usage of the term.

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  98. KudaBux12:19 AM

    When I was in HR, it was taught in seminars that one of the signs of an employee dangerously cracking up was cartoon strips on their cubicle with the dialogue whited out and new dialogue written in. Rageful, incoherent new dialogue.


    Next comes pooping near, but not in, the toilet in the shared restroom.

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  99. Dr Dee12:49 AM

    We already have that level of exchange in Australia. Still ruled by spivs and dickheads but.


    Classic parliamentary exchange.


    PM Arthur Fadden


    'I am a country member'


    Labour radical Eddie Ward


    'Yeah, we remember'

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  100. Geo X1:07 AM

    Oh man, my parents had these big ol' Doonesbury anthologies when I was small, which I got deeply into, in spite of the fact that virtually all the political material was just one hundred percent over my head. The characters made it worthwhile in spite of everything. Try finding someone saying that about Mallard Fillmore.

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  101. montag21:14 AM

    I suppose it would depend on whether on not she thought Mirengoff worthy enough of the exercise of her considerable wit. It seems doubtful she'd take him seriously enough to bother, although even when she was being dismissive, she was deadly. I suspect she'd intimate that a man with such detailed knowledge of animal feces probably belonged in animal husbandry, not public commentary.

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  102. Glock H. Palin, Esq.4:02 AM

    I believe the president's exact words were "M-Fer, I want more iced tea!"

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  103. Glock H. Palin, Esq.4:08 AM

    I'm pretty sure at this point that wanting them to go nuts is making virtue of necessity.

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  104. Glock H. Palin, Esq.4:09 AM

    Which would lead to at least a 137% increase in actual punchlines.

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  105. What year did they do "OMG! He's wearing shirt sleeves in the Oval Office!!"

    I think next year's theme will be "He isn't really African-American!" as part of yet another spectacularly ham-fisted attempt to gain African-American voters.

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  106. It's like Pogo. Or even Warner cartoons from the period when they were shorts between feature films. You can enjoy them for different reasons at different ages.

    And I like getting a second or even a third layer of laughs off the same source. Very efficient.

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  107. Derelict7:11 AM

    Or, the check's in your mouth and I won't come in the mail.

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  108. Derelict7:13 AM

    I think they've already tried the "He's not really Black [lowers voice] because he's articulate and doesn't swear all the time."

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  109. A little green duck with a little red book.

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  110. Derelict7:47 AM

    A century from now (provided humans are not enslaved to insects by then) people will be reading Doonesbury. They may not get some of the political references, but the universality of human experience that Trudeau captured will still resonate.

    Mallard Fillmore is not simply atrocious on its own terms--it's so hyperfocused on whatever supposed liberal slight/foible/screw-up was current 5 hours before Tinsley inked the strip that someone looking at it 100 years from now will wonder if it was published just as a show of sympathy for its mentally disabled artist.

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  111. Derelict7:49 AM

    They freaked over Biden because he, too, did not curse using proper form. As the previous VP showed us, it's not "fucking" (which is simply gauche)--it's "Go fuck yourself." That's sophistication!

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  112. Derelict7:55 AM

    Compare and contrast: This Modern World typically highlights absurdity that results in cruelty. Mallard Fillmore typically celebrates cruelty by trying to highlight liberal concerns for the powerless, the poor, and the downtrodden.

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  113. Derelict7:56 AM

    "What must it be like to be George W. Bush . . ."

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  114. cleter8:39 AM

    To live in the sweet happiness of a simpleton? I imagine it's pretty great. Especially being a rich simpleton. That's probably pretty damned nice.

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  115. cleter8:45 AM

    What I found particularly interesting about that whole kerfuffle was that Bush mocked Kerry about that, but at Bush's photo-op, he didn't order or eat a sandwich of any kind. Bush's handlers did not actually let him order a sandwich.

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  116. Derelict9:13 AM

    The actual AssRocket quote:


    "It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can’t get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile."

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  117. Halloween_Jack9:27 AM

    Not to cast aspersions on your own satirical abilities, but how could it not be an improvement?

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  118. Halloween_Jack9:32 AM

    Nothing could make me long for Day by Day, or even pretend to for the sake of a joke. Every time I check it (mostly just to see if it's still in existence), the attempts at humor are more hamfisted and the badly-drawn boobies more egregiously gratuitous.

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  119. Halloween_Jack9:36 AM

    Thanks. The next time I take a bite of something that seems to have gone over, I'll reach for the mental image of any random wingnut "humourist" doing that dance (you know the one, NSFW natch) instead of the syrup of ipecac.

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  120. BigHank5310:29 AM

    If I'm still in good enough shape when sniveling pusbag John Hinderaker finally kicks off, I'm going to sneak into the cemetery and engrave that quote on his fucking tombstone. Rest uneasy under the stupidest thing you ever said, asshole.

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  121. sharculese10:30 AM

    That was a January 20, 2009 special edition, after Obama's first photo from the Oval was of him in a 'sleeves rolled up, ready to get to work' pose.

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  122. Derelict10:40 AM

    Since I'm already renting the portable air-chisel to engrave "Nobody could have known" on Condi Rice's tombstone, I'll drive on out and help you with this project. We can use urine to cool the chisel head.

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  123. FlipYrWhig1:56 PM

    ISTR that someone like Maureen Dowd said that Kerry "nibbled daintily" on his cheesesteak, just to add extra queerbaiting appeal.

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  124. realinterrobang1:57 PM

    Goldberg wouldn't know from cool if he were nearly freezing to death.

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  125. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person2:06 PM

    A masterpiece that will live through the ages. man, future historians--should there be any--are gonna have so much fun with The Early Internet...

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  126. Upvoted for the patience to wade through all of that.

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  127. PulletSurprise2:24 PM

    Unless he was unusually fond of the taste of others' saliva, that was probably the best advice.

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  128. Duncan2:42 PM

    Erm, "world balloons"?

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  129. tigrismus6:02 PM

    It gained currency mainly as the curse word of choice in baseball.

    His supporting link doesn't even say that, it says it's notable for how it's used in baseball BECAUSE it's different from how it's used outside, acknowledging that outside of baseball the two terms are largely synonymous. Mirengoff either doesn't read very well or is so full of shit it's impossible to determine what sort of beast produced it.

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  130. Authority? He is, literally, The King of Shit.

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  131. "Hey man, it's out there."

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  132. philadelphialawyer6:42 PM

    Great catch!
    From doofus's own source:
    "...'Bullshit'... means... 'baloney....
    "though a horseshit explanation is...the same thing as a bullshit explanation--and Webster's defines the two words more or less the same way--IN BASEBALL [emphasis added] 'horseshit' means 'worthless' or 'irredeemable'..."

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  133. Well, that's the problem. Obama hates America & baseball (an imported Limey game, but why should that ninny care) & plays the Canadian-American game of basketball (invented right here in Springfield, Mass., U.S. of A.) which is somehow not as American (you figure it out) so we know he's illegitimate.

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  134. cleter8:47 PM

    MAOIST FILLMORE

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  135. cleter8:53 PM

    World Balloons would be a good name for a batshit crazy rightwing comic full of conspiracy theory jibber-jabber.

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  136. cleter9:12 PM

    That's more terrible than I had imagined, and I can imagine a lot.

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  137. Oh. c'mon. Go Kafka:
    device that carves the sentence of the condemned prisoner on his skin before letting him dieIn this case a literal sentence, ha ha.

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  138. "Mommy, the baby's masturbating again" is my favorite, not sure which it is in that list howev.

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  139. stepped_pyramids10:22 PM

    The horserace pundits have formed this odd concept that the "common touch" means that a politician is able to pretend to be a local wherever he goes, and thus knows what kind of cheeses you can get on a cheesesteak, how to eat a New York slice, what kind of sauce or lack thereof is appropriate for barbecue in a given state, etc.


    Now, most normal people have a word for someone who visits a new place and proceeds to act out a list of traits they read are characteristic of locals: "phony".


    Does anyone really think that any politician gains or loses votes in Philadelphia by ordering a cheesesteak? Instead of performing the standard campaign ritual, Obama instead went and visited a farmer's market, talked to a local businessman about his products, and sampled his wares. That is, in fact, much closer to what "the common touch" means than eating any number of cheez-wiz sandwiches.

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  140. cleter10:33 PM

    Ok, then.

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  141. AngryWarthogBreath10:44 PM

    See, they told you you were doomed to make more sense than the original, and you did. I can puzzle out the storyline there in no more than three open-mouthed attempts of total puzzlement ("This crazy broad's talking about all this cheerful nonsense as if we can get started without a huge amount of blood!"); with ACTUAL right-wing political comics, I'd be at Gape Twelve by now and still none the wiser. I have no choice but to award you full marks and a little "You're A Star!" sticker. It's scratch and sniff. Grape, for some reason.

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  142. AngryWarthogBreath10:47 PM

    Just like Day by Day. What poor fool can be so removed from the human spectrum as to not associate with Spinal Damage Lady and Hip Conservative Free-Floating Glasses Guy?

    Whoever it is, I envy them.

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  143. sharculese10:51 PM

    Kantian nihilists. That's who.

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  144. cleter12:07 AM

    In the original, she's jabbering about her diet, and the little misogynist duck is trying to decide whether or not to brain her with his stapler.

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  145. Brilliant!


    I'm sure it's a definite improvement over the original.

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  146. Halloween_Jack9:50 AM

    Hmm. I originally had "media" crossed out. Curse you, Dickus!

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  147. Halloween_Jack9:52 AM

    Ugh, sorry for NSFW preview frame.

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  148. Please please keep going with these.


    -dg

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  149. Tom Parmenter11:35 AM

    Half Howard, half Donald, all lousy. The guy knows how to lay out a strip, though.

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