Sunday, March 30, 2014

NEW VILLAGE VOICE COLUMN UP...

...about the Hobby Lobby case and the tropes it has stirred among out rightblogger brethren: That health insurance that includes birth control is a near occasional of sin; that lady judges are stupid; and that, as devoted as they are to socialism and black nationalism, what the Obama Administration really want to do is destroy Christianity. You know: the usual.

UPDATE. In comments, Meanie-meanie tickle a person informs me that my gag -- "not only aborty, but also facient, which sounds like 'fascist,' right?" -- is actually a serious matter for some people. Kirk Kelsen believes birth control is "ABORTIFASCISM" and that the ACA decrees "you must, under the law, dine exclusively at the government buffet serving up abortifacients," which I guess will be their next legal argument if this one fails -- isn't being forced to eat at the same table as abortion cruel and unusual? Bonus feature: An opera review that doesn't mention the music because the libretto is blasphemous.

147 comments:

  1. The real takeaway is that these jerks want our employers to be able to make decisions about our personal lives.

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  2. Spaghetti Lee10:50 PM

    In our glorious new libertarian world, we will be free to choose whether to bow, scrape, grovel, or kiss ass.

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  3. Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.10:52 PM

    One correction Roy: Plan B works like regular contraception by preventing ovulation. It does not prevent fertilized eggs from implantation.

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  4. Derelict10:57 PM

    Ah! Freedom! Only in the minds of conservatives could that word mean that the government should be powerless to protect you while your employer must be free to harm you.

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  5. "During Hobby Lobby week, is there a prayer our president left the
    Vatican willing to consider the un-American choice he's forced on the
    Little Sisters of the Poor?"




    "little sisters gone wild -- hobby lobby week: makin' un-american choices"

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  6. if you weren't such a goddamn moocher, youda gone out and started a corporation to do some employee-harming of your own.

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  7. M. Krebs11:09 PM

    I want all of these people to be confined to towns where Hobby Lobby, Chick-fil-A, and WalMart are the only stores. I also want all of those towns to be in Mississippi. And I want everybody in Mississippi who wants to get the fuck away from them to be provided with moving expenses.

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  8. Brian Schlosser11:11 PM

    After this lengthy monologue, Goldstein told us that "what we're witnessing is a coup"

    If a law passed by both houses of Congress, signed by the Prez, and upheld by the (conservative) Supreme Court counts as a "coup" to Goldstein, I have to imagine that when he gets a case of the dribbling shits after a few too many White Castle sliders, he refers to it as having EbolaCancerAids.

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  9. M. Krebs11:13 PM

    But it's "good" to hear from Goldstein again. I miss the old days when he'd magically appear at the mere mention of his name.

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  10. PersonaAuGratin11:18 PM

    It's the private toll road to serfdom.

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  11. Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.11:18 PM

    I'm still wondering why his wife hasn't kicked him out. I mean he doesn't work, is batshit crazy and posts stupid shit on the Internet all day.

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  12. AGoodQuestion11:20 PM

    "Don't tell me President Obama is a champion of income equality," seethed Lopez, "when the Little Sisters of the Poor - women religious who serve the elderly poor -- are in court seeking the religious freedom that is our God-given right, and once a herald of our country."


    Nice word salad, KJ. You might want to check the expiration date on the dressing, though.

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  13. T. Bagger11:21 PM

    Goldstein's raving used to seem kind of funny, but lately even his driveling seems a little sinister. These people obviously regard even minor social reformism as a dangerous personal threat. A grifter and windbag like Goldstein wouldn't lead some kind of "constitutional coup" on behalf of the right, but he would cheer it on and complain loudly if it weren't brutal enough for his taste.

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  14. And if none of those options suit you, you're always free to liberate yourself from the world by dropping dead. Can the government promise that? No, they're just so obsessed with keeping people alive.

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  15. montag211:23 PM

    If Hobby Lobby/Conestoga prevail, it will be a coup. Only the opposite of what Godlstein figures (imagine that! Godlstein gets it ass-backwards! Whodathunkit?).

    It's a corporate coup, Jeff. Try to keep current, Jeff. Uh, put down the guns, Jeff. Jeff, Jeff, you're going to... *blam!* ... hurt yourself. Oh, dear, that does look painful. Let me get a towel, I'll be right back, okay... *blam!*

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  16. Spaghetti Lee11:24 PM

    C'mon, the first third's already done, isn't it?

    (Actually, I think it's funny sometimes how people who go on political blogs have opposite beliefs than what their address would suggest. One of the mouthiest conservatives I remember on another forum, a real guns-n'-swords type guy, lived in Santa Cruz. I imagine that would be like me living in Provo: I'd go crazy pretty quickly.

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  17. AGoodQuestion11:26 PM

    BTW, kudos to Roy on the word "madsplain". Is this a first time usage? Either way, I think we should aim to have it in Merriam-Webster by 2020.

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  18. Spaghetti Lee11:29 PM

    Synonyms: loudsplain, frothsplain, screwlucidate.

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  19. AGoodQuestion11:35 PM

    You missed "all of the above." Let's see if a night in the stocks jogs your memory.

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  20. montag211:36 PM

    I'm a bit surprised that he found time to complain about the case, in between blegging for gun money and trying to get his readers to buy him a house.

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  21. AGoodQuestion11:39 PM

    Once summer comes I'll buy a magnifying glass and find an anthill so I can get used to the thrill.

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  22. A house? Further explanation is needed for that one. I've known some bloggers to get ballsy when asking their fans to pay for shit, but that's a new one on me.

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  23. T. Bagger11:43 PM

    Good answer. I dunno, between billionaires ranting about Nazi-style repression and chatter about "middle class revolution" in America, maybe my imagination is getting out of hand.

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  24. T. Bagger11:44 PM

    That's an old one. Goldstein has been complaining about his inability to buy a house with his blogging boodle since I first ran across his blog maybe twelve years ago.

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  25. And separation of church and state means, according to Cal Thomas, that religious nuts are allowed unfettered influence in your personal business, while the gummint stays on its "side of the church-state line."

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  26. FlipYrWhig11:48 PM

    Businesses don't have religious beliefs. It's ludicrous that something so stupid has gone this far already. IANAL, but isn't the difference between businesses and their owners pretty much the entire basis of the practice of incorporation? So, in closing, it's a stupid, obviously stupid view, indefensibly stupid, and probably about to be upheld for some idiotic reason. Aaarrhghghgh.

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  27. He's moving into a new house by the end of the summer or beginning of the fall, and he's naturally asking his readerssuckers to help him pay for it.

    More here:

    http://proteinwisdom.com/?p=52859

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  28. I really think you should have posted this along with that link...

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  29. in Provo you'd be within spitting distance of skiing and Hollywood weirdos going to Sundance. You'd probably survive fine. I would guess you could buy arugula and dijon mustard there without anybody laughing at you.

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  30. montag211:54 PM

    It's always a surprise to see that Thomas still has enough energy to elbow his way between Pat Robertson and Rick Santorum and get his two cents' worth in. He's now, what, 161 years old?

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  31. XeckyGilchrist11:56 PM

    I dunno. I live in Salt Lake City, and the thought of living in Provo makes me shiver.

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  32. Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.11:58 PM

    Hopefully no one of them comes over here.

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  33. The argument, of course, is that you can quit your job. Except that as we learned in the job lock arguments from earlier this year, many of these same people feel that being able to voluntarily leave your job is a utopian luxury that we can't afford. But y'know...as long as your boss doesn't actually shoot you in the back as you leave his office, it's not coercion.

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  34. Spaghetti Lee12:01 AM

    (Psst...Dude! You're out of character! The line is 'Goldstein is a true patriot and he knows how to save this country, Loony Libs!')

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  35. montag212:02 AM

    I'm just thrilled that it rhymes with "shitstain."

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  36. Spaghetti Lee12:02 AM

    But that's what, one week a year? The other 51 weeks would be a haze of dominionism, purity rings, and non-alcoholic beer.

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  37. To be honest, I've never been to Utah. I just took a quick look at a map. I will defer to local knowledge.

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  38. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:03 AM

    "long gone are the days since the president has been heralded on the likes of the cover of Time and Rolling Stone"


    All I wanna know is what language was this TransGoogled from?

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  39. Spaghetti Lee12:04 AM

    That's 'WalMart Everyday Living Presents "Stocks" (c)'. Looks like there's a spot for you right next to me!

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  40. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:07 AM

    It's a nice white whine vinegar& Chrism. Should last an eternity or so.

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  41. Spaghetti Lee12:08 AM

    I believe it spoils for three days then turns edible again.

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  42. Spaghetti Lee12:11 AM

    He must be a beast in the sack.


    (Yrs., Spaghetti Lee, Brain Bleach Marketing, Inc.)

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  43. XeckyGilchrist12:12 AM

    You're not wrong about the proximity of Provo and Park City, but it really seems like a different planet. Probably also right about the arugula, but there are apartments there where you can't own a coffee maker. http://www.uvureview.com/2011/07/18/the-price-of-your-own-pad/

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  44. Spaghetti Lee12:13 AM

    "...He keeps gettin' richer but he cain't get his pitcher on the..."

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  45. Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.12:13 AM

    You're disgusting and I hate you.

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  46. montag212:13 AM

    Exactly why the blacklist was so popular among the studio heads of the `40s and `50s.

    Exactly why corporations were so eager to take Ronnie Raygun's suggestion that they take on drug-testing employees.



    And why they're now wanting one's Facebook passwords and credit reports on job applications.



    And they didn't even need to pretend "religious grounds" for those intrusions....

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  47. montag212:16 AM

    And guns. Jaysus, don't forget guns.

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  48. If businesses don't have religious beliefs, why are so many workers sacrificed to Mammon?

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  49. montag212:19 AM

    There's also the possibility that she's firmly in the sex-for-procreation-only camp, and he's very obliging because that leaves him more time to drone on about guns.


    This may be a very co-dependent sort of thing.

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  50. Daniel Björkman12:21 AM

    You're assuming she's not batshit crazy also. When most people look for a mate, they look for someone who shares their values and outlook. Batshit crazy people are no different in that regard.

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  51. Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.12:21 AM

    Somehow among all the ridiculous or harmful things about Mormonism the "No hot drinks" provision (P.S.: We really only mean coffee and tea) always gets me. Besides what if I coldbrew the coffee or am making suntea. *shakes head*

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  52. Spaghetti Lee12:22 AM

    If only William Masters and Virginia Johnson were still around. Oh, they would have had a field day trying to fit rightbloggers into their theories.

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  53. The Little Sisters of the Poor are only forced to make this choice when they hire the Sexually Active Daughters of the Poor.

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  54. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:23 AM

    Not only aborty, but also facient, which sounds like "fascist," right?


    They're way ahead of ya, Ed

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  55. If he's a guns-n'-swords type guy, he's already gone crazy.

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  56. I'm going to edit my comment and use a slightly different danger sign.

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  57. Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.12:24 AM

    Don't see it. They were ultimately not into abnormal psychiatry.

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  58. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:25 AM

    You mean we can't all Go Galt™, and deny our services to our Randroid overlords? Sucks to be us.

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  59. T. Bagger12:27 AM

    Ahem, I meant to say, had PJM not treacherously dumped Goldstein, he would not be obliged ignobly to plead for cash online and could devote himself entirely to trenchant constitutional analyses.

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  60. Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.12:27 AM

    For this to work she must be indeed far crazier than he is, as as I wrote him being insane is just the tip of a very large iceberg.

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  61. montag212:27 AM

    "Not just fantasizing repression, but fantasizing the ensuing backlash to the repression -- that's some world-class crazy!"

    Yay! A definition of right-wing metahyperbole!

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  62. DocAmazing12:31 AM

    If he lived not in Santa Cruz, but in the surrounding hills and mountains, being a guns-n'-swords type wouldn't be enormously unusual. There's a big shooting community/Second Amendment fetish culture up in those hills 'mongst the pot growers and surfers.

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  63. And still so deep in the closet that he can see Narnia.

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  64. Spaghetti Lee12:36 AM

    Sexually Active Daughters of the Poor

    Hmm...I'll take 'Devo B-Sides' for $400, Alex.

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  65. Spaghetti Lee1:53 AM

    There's probably plenty of leakage.

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  66. Odder1:55 AM

    When the current SCOTUS consistently fails to cite the Brewster-Douglass precedent in its rulings, we're dwelling in an awfully dilapidated rabbit hole.

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  67. davdoodles2:06 AM

    I gotta say a RWNJ "revolution", if such a thing were ever to occur, would be, frankly, funny-as-shit.
    All these wheezy couch potato assholes staggering out onto their flag-bedecked porches with their muskets and night-scoped AR15s and their tricorn hats, looking around their horrible mono-culture neighborhoods and seeing nobody but other blinking, pallid idiots like themselves.
    The occasional misfire-and-shriek as an un-safetied Desert Eagle is shoved between a muffin top and a pair of whlte shorts...
    And then, realising that, in order to threaten anyone other than themselves accidentally, they will need make the effort to go where their "enemy" lives, they all, silently and in unison, shuffle awkwardly back inside. Avoiding all eye contact...

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  68. heinleiners2:06 AM

    Sex causes abortions. Hobby Lobby should become a eunuch opportunity employee only. If none of the employees ever have sex, the family who owns Hobby Lobby can provide the standard insurance package (like they have in the past) to their workers without having to worry about contributing to evil. Of course, they could opt out of providing health insurance and pay the Obamacare fine but that would cost money - and Jesus hates that worst of all.

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  69. heinleiners2:09 AM

    Call out the Little Rascal Scooter Brigades!

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  70. Odder2:20 AM

    Isn't the backlash an ordinary expectation, and what *real* fun would there be without it?

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  71. BigHank538:06 AM

    One shudders to imagine the study where Goldstein would be considered a good data point.

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  72. TGuerrant8:09 AM

    Hobby Lobby just better get out of the business of forcing blood transfusions on God right now. And where do they get off in the first place behaving like anything other than prayer heals?


    If God wanted us to have health care, He wouldn't have invented heaven. No health care for anybody ever or Jesus won't come back and end the world. So there.

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  73. coozledad8:14 AM

    Exactly: And in my experience, this is where Republicans and libertarians flourish. I can think of a couple of instances where I've seen them publicly race to see who gets their tongue in the "person of perceived importance's" ass.


    They don't even have a concept of dignity. It's alien to them.

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  74. TGuerrant8:25 AM

    He probably knows about the waterfront estate we bought Roy and Eduardo when they got married. Envious.

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  75. randomworker8:26 AM

    The fact that the Little Sisters of the Poor gets over 60% of their funding from the US taxpayer in the form of Medicaid payments, and most of the rest comes from resident/client's Social Security payments, is totally disappeared over there. So they are basically a government contractor, and all we ask is that they give regular health care to their female workers and this is how they treat us. I say cut them off.

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  76. coozledad8:27 AM

    I was never much of an X fan until a couple of them did some alt-country, but I was still surprised to learn Xene Cervanka done went and lost her shit, for guns.


    Someone suggested it's her MS, or the meds for it. I read one of her rants about how cool California used to be before Jerry Brown turned it into a repressive leftist state, and has made life harder for all those nice Hell's Angels.


    One of the commenters at Wonkette said "Drugs bad."
    Personally, I think it's a combination of drugs and a preexisting tenuous relationship with the physical world.


    And Now I can't shake the image of her hotboxing with K-Lo.

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  77. coozledad8:29 AM

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_RpbaUU7NI

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  78. satch8:30 AM

    What's that, Jeff? You refused on principle to sign up for ANY health insurance rather than get that there freedom-destroying commie Kenyan Obamacare? Thank god you told me now... I'll call and cancel the ambulance...

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  79. redoubtagain8:41 AM

    "Fourth Amendment? What's that?"

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  80. mortimer20008:46 AM

    Jeffy's on the family breadwinner's policy. Fortunately for him, she doesn't work for religious freaks, or they might look askance at his particular arrangement.

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  81. TGuerrant8:47 AM

    apartments there where you can't own a coffee maker


    Have I finally found a black market in the U.S. that I can muscle into without getting wiped on the wall by Russians?

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  82. mortimer20008:47 AM

    Exactly. When conserva-glibertarians use the word, liberty applies primarily to the ownership class over individual citizens, unless the individuals are buying guns. So it's no surprise that religious liberty in their upside-down world is the freedom of one group of people to impose their unscientific religious beliefs on other people, as long as the imposers are business owners, i.e. citizens who matter. The liberty enjoyed by employees, customers, or anyone else is the freedom to fuck off. I really think this is a winner for them.

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  83. redoubtagain8:50 AM

    (I see you've been to Meridian, Mississippi.)

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  84. mortimer20008:50 AM

    Wow, this week's column is particularly delicious, and yeoman's work. Despite all their talk of what's abortifashionable and what isn't, I'm more inclined to think these people are all just a bunch of Douthats, recoiling at the mere fact of birth control:
    I was bored and somewhat disgusted with myself, with her, with the whole business... and then whatever residual enthusiasm I felt for the venture dissipated, with shocking speed, as she nibbled at my ear and whispered--"You know, I'm on the pill..."*

    Of course, her clue to Ross's fertilization fetish might have been the Drifters singing "This Magic Moment" on an endless loop over the sound system. ("There Goes My Baby" reserved for a morning after Plan B.)



    *Any excuse to see this gem again.

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  85. TGuerrant8:52 AM

    I want to date this comment and even buy it dinner.

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  86. Helmut Monotreme8:52 AM

    Regular old callous indifference to the suffering of other (less important) people.

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  87. TGuerrant8:54 AM

    And if your boss does should you in the back as you leave his office, he was only standing his ground.

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  88. redoubtagain8:58 AM

    Upvoted for "screwlucidate," AKA Republicanmatch.com

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  89. satch9:06 AM

    "Sean Davis
    of The Federalist didn't care for the ladies' "ridiculous" arguments,
    either. When Kagan said Hobby Lobby had a choice of providing health
    insurance or paying a tax... "


    Oh, bleeding jeezus... I don't have kids, so I pay more in taxes than people who do. When I was a renter, I paid more in taxes than people who owned homes. But of course, in the world of wingnut victimology, paying a tax that helps to defray the cost of the emergency care you will receive if you need it despite not having insurance is EXACTLY like being burned to death in Nebuchadnezzar's fiery furnace. Well done, Sean!

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  90. Helmut Monotreme9:11 AM

    And yet... there are live wire reactionaries that would be more than happy to stray from their own little corner of America and go looking for trouble. Think of the Maricopa County Sheriff's department. They have a freaking armored personnel carrier that they don't hesitate to use to demolish the houses of hardened criminals like people suspected of running a cockfighting ring. If the time came to choose up sides, they sure as hell wouldn't pick Obama's team. If there were an outbreak of anti government violence on a larger scale than the occasional sovereign citizen taking a potshot at the cops and dying messily, I think there would be far too many heavily armed weirdos more than happy enough to sign up with a Confederacy 2.0.

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  91. glennisw9:23 AM

    If I can, for a moment, flip the switch on the way-back machine, didn't the contraception mandate come about as an effort to make health insurance consistent nationally, rather than being a patchwork of some states having it and other states not? So, basically it was already in practice for a long time in some places, and the ACA was just making it national. As Roy points out in the VV piece, even Hobby Lobby was happily providing contraception coverage to its employees. And, while I'm back there in way-back land - didn't the whole thing come about to assure gender-equity in reproductive health benefits?


    How far we've come, from something that was a commonly accepted practice to hysteria about slut pills killing precious babies.

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  92. glennisw9:25 AM

    Actually, a recent study identified Provo as having one of the best "wellbeing" scores in the nation - not having ever been there, I don't know.

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  93. Dr. Hunky Jimpjorps9:30 AM

    Any port in a storm; conservatives are looking to end or cripple Obamacare by any means possible, and companies like Hobby Lobby are glad to help.

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  94. coozledad9:44 AM

    My eyes are shot. I initially read that as "webeloing".

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  95. Halloween_Jack9:46 AM

    Something tells me that these people are praying for the zombie apocalypse; it's the perfect Armageddon for someone who gets a boner/wet-on at the words "stand your ground."

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  96. Halloween_Jack9:47 AM

    This operatic POS was written and scored and conducted by transgressive child


    That's one talented kid! (And blasphemy is out, but using an acronym for "piece of shit" is totes cool... mmmkay.)

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  97. Halloween_Jack9:50 AM

    I only chipped in because they throw the most bitchin' parties on the circuit, frankly.

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  98. JennOfArk10:30 AM

    That's the thing, though: the standard insurance package they offered in the past not only covered contraception, it also covered 2 of the 4 contraceptives the owners of Hobby Lobby now say they find "morally objectionable" because of their non-fact-based belief that said methods "cause abortions." So much for "sincerely held religious belief."

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  99. mgmonklewis11:11 AM

    K-Lo's word salad is more like Icelandic hákarl. Even at its best it's nearly inedible, and it remains that way.

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  100. J Neo Marvin11:12 AM

    A while back, Exene made a recording of readings from the Unabomber Manifesto. And she MEANT it. So she's been around the bend for a while.

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  101. RogerAiles11:14 AM

    Didn't "shitsteyn" quit The Corner when National Review's shysters wouldn't tell the judge in M. Mann's libel case to go fuck herself.

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  102. tigrismus11:25 AM

    Huh, opera is usually so wholesome!

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  103. Brian Schlosser11:32 AM

    Suddenly I have the strangest urge to watch Legally Blonde...

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  104. The worship of The Invisible Free Hand of the Market isn't recognized as a true religion, for some reason.

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  105. At least you have the fine products of Uinta Brewing there in SLC.

    http://www.uintabrewing.com/

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  106. FlipYrWhig12:23 PM

    That's the owners' belief. The business doesn't believe anything. Yar, to be sure 'tis no man, 'tis a remorseless eating machine.

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  107. Ellis_Weiner12:35 PM

    Mercy, no. That's called "going on strike" and the Randians don't approve of it--unless it's being done by the Makers (TM) themselves.

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  108. I keep saying this but I would really like there to be a part of this lawsuit where the employees could depose the Hobby Lobby owners (I know that this can't happen so don't explain to me why it can't). Because I'm betting anything that the Greens have always had a health insurance policy that covered contraception (with a copay), therapeutic abortion, viagra, and even IVF (which for some christians is anathema). I'd like them to have to explain,under oath, why such services were ok when they were in their bundle of services and not ok when they are offered as a package to the employees. If the "sin" lies in accepting the service, not in providing or paying for it, then doesn't the sin for any presumed acceptance of the service lie wholly on the employee and not on the Greens, even by their religious reckoning?

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  109. Its been a long time since the Little Sisters of the Poor have had to beg in the streets for their meals. And as we now know the truly religious among us would drop a wooden nickle in their bowls and growl "get a job, moocher" if they did.

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  110. I was quite fascinated to see how clearly the "same facts" are translated from sane speak to crazy talk so what occupies most liberal minds (the slippery slope) is itself represented as a kind of attack on religious liberty. According to the people Roy is citing even asking hypothetical questions about the real world consequences of this kind of ruling is a bitter form of partisanship and anti religious bigotry.

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  111. Gromet1:48 PM

    Citing the judicial opinions of Nebuchadnezzar is so weird. Can we hear from more recent royalty? I dunno -- Charlemagne? Elizabeth II?

    Oy, Sean Davis is playing such a dumb game: he suggests it's fatally damning to Kagan's position on tax collection that Nebuchadnezzar would approve of it. Let's assume Nebuchadnezzar, Hitler, Stalin, and the priests of Moloch would ALL agree with Kagan. Suppose you can name 99 terrible historical figures who would agree! Great, nice list: now, what if you can name 1,000 decent figures who also agree with it? Lincoln, Jefferson, Mark Twain. Doesn't that mean the tax policy wins, 1,000-99? Good game, you tried, we'll stop for sundaes on the way home.

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  112. Halloween_Jack2:01 PM

    Especially because caffeinated soft drinks aren't verboten.

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  113. tigrismus2:56 PM

    Except they didn't die: they submitted to the decreed punishment, refusing even to defend themselves, and were saved by God. Maybe Hobby Lobby should have tried that route?

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  114. Mooser3:07 PM

    Wow, this is all so freakin' funny, huh? Do you have any idea what it is like to work among basically, by any realistic measure, apolitical people who think the tropes described here make good ol social conversation in the workplace. It's not pleasant, and it's not funny.

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  115. XeckyGilchrist3:20 PM

    Not entirely black; some take it with cream.

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  116. XeckyGilchrist3:21 PM

    Why, yes. Yes, we do. Though Wasatch's "Polygamy Porter" is my personal favorite.

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  117. realinterrobang4:28 PM

    My writerly soul just died a little bit because of the utter perfection of "screwlucidate," because I didn't come up with it. Well played, sir, madam, or blue plate special.

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  118. realinterrobang4:31 PM

    I want to take this comment to my favourite cafe and buy it a hot steaming cup of Celebes Kalossi.

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  119. Stephen Vincent Benét would have written the hell out of this premise.

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  120. XeckyGilchrist5:37 PM

    At least in my youth (1970s-80s) plenty of Mormons-on-the-street thought Coke was just as evil. I'm not as sure now, living in a relatively cosmopolitan little university zone in SLC, and just haven't asked. But there always used to be a zillion science fair experiments showing how Coke was the nastiest thing imaginable - could dissolve nails, and just look what it does to a pig stomach!

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  121. smut clyde5:43 PM

    I mean he doesn't work, is batshit crazy and posts stupid shit on the Internet all day.

    HEY NOW.

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  122. smut clyde5:45 PM

    the religious freedom that is our God-given right


    See, stupid atheists, your entire philosophy is self-contradicting! Bwaa-hah-hah!

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  123. This upvote, as specified in my signing statement, shall be construed to include appreciation for your username— which, being dense, I only just now got (due to the mention of Nebuchadnezzar above).

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  124. smut clyde5:52 PM

    Here ya go.
    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Os6aUImRi8I/TRN8KWenivI/AAAAAAAABgE/4cCpjxVFm8c/s1600/pb2.GIF

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  125. LittlePig7:20 PM

    "All it does is steal, eat, and make little corporations"

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  126. TGuerrant7:41 PM

    Yeah, I remember Coke and Pepsi being off the menu, too - but not Mountain Dew. Mormons my own age thought the elders just hadn't figured that one out because it wasn't coffee brown.

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  127. smut clyde9:44 PM

    Beware of 50th-Anniversary Rolling Stone tour bus.

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WOn3w_-utgg/T6mksSDGF_I/AAAAAAAAEDE/c-8rdBYTR-A/s1600/stones.gif

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  128. smut clyde10:15 PM

    Everclarify.

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  129. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person10:35 PM

    If they uphold, it'll probably be Roberts' "closely held corporations" dodge. A corp itself can't have religious beliefs (yet. That's down the road a piece, according to Roberts) but if the religious whacko owners themselves are in control, instead of stockholders, then it's OK.

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  130. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:26 AM

    The moving finger tickles, and having tickled, moves on...

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  131. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person12:30 AM

    We're laughing now...

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  132. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person1:06 AM

    "They're all out to get us!" Everyone. Everywhere. At all times. Even the deeply religious congregations of all those wrong churches...

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  133. smut clyde3:19 AM

    I liked the bit in the review which accuses the composer of making up the Gospel of Mary.

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  134. smut clyde3:22 AM

    Nor all thy poetry nor tweets: Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line.

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  135. Well, yeah. You would be threatening his live-lihood, as any decent american jury would understand.

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  136. montag27:27 AM

    That's because it's a cult.

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  137. The lost prequel to The Handmaiden's Tale?

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  138. Halloween_Jack9:18 AM

    Scarily plausible.

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  139. Halloween_Jack9:23 AM

    This is exactly what happened to Catholic Charities in Illinois when we got civil unions (a bit ahead of marriage equality) and they either had to accept same-sex partners as prospective adoptive parents or lose their funding. They lost their funding, and secular/non-discriminatory agencies took up the slack. No loss to the people who actually needed the services.

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  140. Halloween_Jack9:25 AM

    I love that kind of FUD. A nail "dissolves" when it's immersed in Coke? Nice try, Einstein--it's called rust, Mor(m)on.

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  141. It's the phosphoric acid in the Coke that accelerates the process of rusting. Sometimes the test sample is a human or animal tooth to demonstrate what it can do to something not made of iron.

    Food-grade phosphoric acid (additive E338[7]) is used to acidify foods and beverages such as various colas,
    but not without controversy regarding its health effects. It provides a
    tangy or sour taste, and being a mass-produced chemical is available
    cheaply and in large quantities. The low cost and bulk availability is
    unlike more expensive seasonings that give comparable flavors, such as citric acid which is obtainable from citrus, but usually fermented by Aspergillus niger mold from scrap molasses, waste starch hydrolysates and phosphoric acid.[8] Various phosphates, e.g., monocalcium phosphate, are used as leavening agents.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phosphoric_acid#Food_additive

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  142. Mooser11:58 AM

    Yeah, I didn't think anybody would respond. All right for you lefties closeted in your alabaster titties, but out here in the real world those righties need a punch in the nose, and delivered with "vim, and vigor"!
    It's not funny, not, not ,not. In fact the only thing which is funny anymore are not-not jokes.

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  143. StringOnAStick10:49 AM

    Soft drinks are hell on teeth because of their acidity - dissolves enamel. I've had DDS's tell me that by the 1980's, they weren't seeing much decay any more due to widespread use of fluoride in water supplies, but once soft drinks became common in schools (to support school programs that used to have better funding), and hell, common and cheap everywhere, all bets were off. I've seen middle class, gaming and energy drink-obsessed teenage boys with 10 cavities in their front teeth, all due to acid in soft drinks and energy drinks. Moms were not pleased.

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  144. You've got a 2 in 1 effect there, because the sugar in the soda itself is turned into acid by the bacteria on the teeth living off of said sugar, which causes cavities as well.

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  145. StringOnAStick11:01 AM

    Most definitely true. The DDS profession used to think Mt Dew was the syrup of the Devil because it was both higher in sugar and in acid than most other soft drinks. Then energy drinks (like Rock Star, etc.) came along, which are even worse in both departments. Add that to how common and how large serving sizes have become and you get a double obesity/teeth destruction whammy.

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