Friday, April 26, 2013

REALITY TV VS. REALITY.

You stupid hippies think you own this country? Well, PJ Media's David Vicker has news for you! Duck Dynasty is popular!
Each week millions think they’re tuning in to watch the crazy and entertaining antics of a bunch of hirsuit, rich rednecks... What viewers are really watching are the Bitter Clingers candidate Obama so famously disparaged at a San Francisco campaign event back in 2008, and the Makers that President Obama denigrated in his “You didn’t build that speech” of 2012. If anyone in America clings to God, guns and religion, and did build that, it’s the Robertson clan...
..in a reliably Republican redoubt in rural Louisiana. Good for them, but what does that have to do with America in general? Well, to hear Vicker tell it, it's aspirational:
If annual sales, endorsement deals, and TV ratings are any indicator, the brand of Americanism these swamp rats are peddling is white lightning in a bottle. Down on our luck, out of hope, and sick-and-tired-of-change Americans can’t get enough of Duck Dynasty’s message, or its messengers. They take us back to the ideals that really work in this country.
The paterfamilias of this duck-call dynasty is worth about $10 million, in a parish where the estimated median household income in 2009 was $32,777. (Percentage of residents living in poverty in West Monroe, Louisiana in 2009: 25.3%.) And apparently the Robertsons are looking for a raise from their TV show.

Again, good for them; anything the traffic will allow, as the old song says. TV's currently full of Duck Dynasts and Real Housewives and such like; they're the modern equivalents of the swells and toffs whose adventures impoverished Americans have enjoyed following since the screwball comedies of the Great Depression. But nothing in our history suggests these entertainments mean the American People didn't mean what they said when they elected a President last November who was less than duck-dynastic.

Fantasies like Vicker's remind me of hippies who thought the country was really with them because Bonnie and Clyde and The Graduate were big at the box office, despite the electoral returns.  Counterculture's a fun game to play when you're losing, but if culture, counter or otherwise, is meaningful to you, then its effect on electoral results -- actual or mitigating -- will not be so important. Decades later, Bonnie and Clyde and The Graduate are still worth watching, though. Can we expect the same of Duck Dynasty? If so, then politics is the least of our problems.

87 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:12 AM

    それは特定の細身の衣装になります。明るい色のトレンチコーティングジョギングを着用右後に質問することなく任意の高プロファイルで十分です

    Feel free to surf to my page - 傘 バーバリー

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was going to write some long spiel, but I think I'm going to skip that and post a paragraph from that post that captures it perfectly:

    Another beautiful thing about Duck Dynasty is that it never, ever
    mentions politics. I remember when that was the norm in America. I have
    no idea if the Robertsons are card carrying members of the Tea Party,
    the Coffee Party (remember them?), or Obama’s perpetual campaign arm,
    Organizing for Action. I don’t care.

    "Now, allow me to write 1,000 words on how it confirms all of my political beliefs."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Spaghetti Lee1:35 AM

    What viewers are really watching are the Bitter Clingers candidate Obama so famously disparaged



    Nothing says "I'm not bitter" like reminding everyone that someone once said you were, five years ago.

    ReplyDelete
  4. DocAmazing1:39 AM

    Looks like someone never watched any re-runs of The Beverly Hilbillies.

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  5. There's a joke in there about Vicker tasting those clingers to find out just how bitter they were, but really, who needs that image with their morning coffee.

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  6. There are about a thousand things wrong with Vickers' fawning panegyric, not the least of which is that he misspells the word "hirsute." David, it's not a "suit" of "hir" no matter how thick it is or how much that sounds right to you.

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  7. Spaghetti Lee2:47 AM

    Dang, and here I was thinking he was trying out genderless pronouns.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "A tv-show I like is popular... therefore the election results I DIDN't like don't count!" His magical thinking is adorrible (yes). But I don't get these kinds of screeds. I mean, yes he's bitter, and maybe he's just writing this as some weird sort of comfort, or maybe he's just got a certain number of posts he's obligated to write. Or both. But why write something that makes you come across as desperate and addled while at the same time trying to seem though and confident? "I'm gonna kick your ass! Please hug me!".

    ReplyDelete
  9. And now it's time for the hairshirt.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  11. Vicker and most other conservative scribes should stick to autobiographies and hagiographies (there's a twofer deal in that). That's not just selfless advice, I admit, since I've always wanted to read "The writing styles of the wrong and fatuous".

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  12. Another Kiwi5:06 AM

    Yeah Vicker probably thinks he's being all tolerant here but then there's all that Gawd stuff in it. I sure hope the Duck folks don't use the postal system to send their products around because they didn't make it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. hells littlest angel5:38 AM

    I can't believe I feel dumb because I don't know enough about this TV show to make a wisequack about it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. reallyaimai6:05 AM

    People watch car wrecks, too. Doesn't mean they want to be in them.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Provider_UNE6:23 AM

    OK, here we go again, imma do that thing again (a work in progress) with the parsing, or not, of the masthead, title, and first sentence or two....

    Let's start with the masthead....Three people on the couch, one possibly utilizing the recliner function and watching the big screen, a blond with her arm around a brunette male who appear focused on a tablet, and next to them what appears to be a Golden retriever (the only one looking our way) who might be charitably described as having a "get me the fuck outta here" look on its face. On the left we have a rising sun (are we secretly Nipponese?) and on the right I will be generous and grant the possibility of Venus, in its morning star phase.

    (As an aside, I admit that this is my very first foray into the Jungle in question.) Also, too, I presume that the image in question will appear below.

    On to the headline:



    Bitter Clingers Have Taken Over Your Television, or How America Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Duck




    In praise of A&E's runaway hit Duck Dynasty.

    Not sure where to start, as the last two minutes have had me staring at the screen blinking alternated with looking at a paper I was supposed to read situated near a Makita drill battery and an orange t-shirt while wondering where the battery charger was (under the shirt), (I am in some times and some places, willing to admit that I am a hot mess.) Who, Where, and What the fuck are "Bitter Clingers?" And How and Why have they "taken over"*

    When a wingnut tries to gain anything resembling street cred by cribbing from Woody AllenDid you hear that? The shotgun blast heard ‘round the world? It
    happened when A&E Network’s hit reality TV show Duck Dynasty reached
    over 8 million viewers in its season premiere.

    Aside from the fact that I heard nothing, I am somewhat irked by the lack of a closing apostrophe in the second sentence (a hot mess and pedant, whoda guessed.) Something something about flies and shit comes to mind. Venturing farther as my gob is yet smacked or spackled I present the next two 'graphs:

    Like any gunshot, it got my attention. I tuned in to see what all the
    fuss is about and am now hopelessly hooked on this revolutionary bit of
    televised perfection. I quickly discovered that Duck Dynasty has very
    little to do with ducks or duck hunting, and everything to do with
    traditional American values and the current American condition.

    Like all great television, Duck Dynasty works because it follows a
    proven formula. In the case of Duck Dynasty, that formula is the
    roadmap to realizing the quintessential American dream. Have a clever
    idea. Sacrifice. Work harder than the next guy. Make it happen. Earn
    your wealth the old fashioned way. Pass the business and its blessings
    along to your children and grandchildren. Have fun. Never forget where,
    or what, you came from. Give thanks to God. Repeat.

    "Like any gunshot, it got my attention. I tuned in to see what all the
    fuss is about and am now hopelessly hooked on this revolutionary bit of
    televised perfection."

    Remember that episode of "the Simpsons" where they discover Homer has reduced mental capacities because of a crayon? If I could find my Moe I would like to have him hammer a Burnt Umber into my frontal lobe, I imagine that being stupid (or pretending to be) ain't easy but it seems to pay well.

    *I had a journalism class in High School and learned that What, Who, Why, How , When and Context where very important in relation to any story,

    **During the composition of this comment, I have employed the use of Google on two occasions to ensure a semblance of accuracy whilst using a strike tag to expose my innumeracy (expanding the phrasing.)

    ...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Provider_UNE6:40 AM

    Yeah, that one struck me as well (pedantic hot mess that I am), but I didn't make it that far and forgot, during what passes for parsing, that Roy had drawn our attention to that cluster of Fail.
    ...

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  17. Provider_UNE6:45 AM

    Standard issue wisequack should be sufficient to your needs in this case.
    :)
    ...

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  18. Ah, you might be ignoring the rare Cronenberg/Conservative crossover!

    ReplyDelete
  19. smut clyde6:55 AM

    Romans watched panem et circenses. Didn't mean that they wanted to be gladiators.

    ReplyDelete
  20. smut clyde6:59 AM

    One of the few rules at Riddled is that anyone writing a limerick involving hirsute, fur-suit and pursuit is automatically banned.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Provider_UNE7:01 AM

    are .pmg files a non starter with DisquickLime?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Provider_UNE7:03 AM

    apparently not. not sure why id did not take the first time, however i will admit the possibility of an own goal.
    ...

    ReplyDelete
  23. The Dark Avenger7:09 AM

    "We replaced their regular coffee with bitter enders' crystals, now we'll see if they can tell the difference."

    ReplyDelete
  24. hellslittlestangel7:15 AM

    Wow, it's amazing how a brightly-colored mural and a Japanese love doll can make a basement room come alive!

    ReplyDelete
  25. BigHank537:21 AM

    Oh, now you tell me.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Derelict7:37 AM

    If the TV I watch doesn't perfectly reflect not just my views but those of a majority of Americans, I cannot feel confident that my worldview has been validated.


    The world must be terrifying for conservatives.

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  27. Derelict7:37 AM

    What fish is that^?

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  28. BigHank538:15 AM

    Dude, these are the same people who don't like free will. These are the people who bitch about the public schools teaching their kids critical thinking because it leads to them asking questions about whatever snake-handling cult they belong to. These are people who would rather be meat robots with guaranteed tickets into some saccharine heaven than to take a chance on their own judgement.


    Bad enough to have God looking over your shoulder to see if you're eating a burger cooked by a menstruating woman*. Now imagine the ghosts of Hayek and Ayn Rand curling their lips at your every action: you'd spend most of your waking hours shitting yourself too.


    *Yep, that's in Leviticus too. Looks like the homos will have a lot of company in hell.

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  29. Derelict8:18 AM

    I think it would be the ghost of Ayn Rand licking her lips at me that would be more terrifying.

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  30. mortimer8:27 AM

    Exactly. 60's TV gave us the Beverly Hillbillies and The King Family. And then America went and elected Richard Nixon. Hey, waitaminnit. He's right. TV shows can change everything.

    ReplyDelete
  31. sharculese8:46 AM

    The idea that someone at PJ Media could not care about the political leanings of a tv personality is so facially laughable I don't know why he bothered.

    ReplyDelete
  32. The Dark Avenger8:49 AM

    Swordfish, of course.

    ReplyDelete
  33. sharculese8:51 AM

    ike all great television, Duck Dynasty works because it follows a proven formula. In the case of Duck Dynasty, that formula is the roadmap to realizing the quintessential American dream.



    The formula is actually 'put a bunch of outsized characters on screen and people will say "eh, why not" but I guess partial credit for coming somewhere near a correct statement?

    ReplyDelete
  34. Derelict8:59 AM

    "Why is the search for freedom through sex doomed to failure?"


    Maybe because, in the case of most PJ Media readers, it's a single-handed endeavor?


    Actually, I'd be willing to bet that, for most of these conservatives, freedom through sex is a doomed effort because it requires putting someone else's feelings ahead of your own.

    ReplyDelete
  35. They take us back to the ideals that really work in this country.

    Disproportionate rewards for a lucky self-promoting few, and everyone else can fuck off and starve to death under bridges?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Seems like you've ducked your responsibilites.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Where'd you get "bridges" from?

    ReplyDelete
  38. If you're tasting clingers, tell your partner to wash.

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  39. calling all toasters9:13 AM

    People watch crazy, rich rednecks? I thought that type of reality TV was over after last year's Republican debates ended.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Presumably, a few of the captains of industry (makers of duck calls, iPhone cozies, or fraudulent financial instruments) will be moved to generously endow some private-sector bridges for the poors to die under.

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  41. Derelict10:00 AM

    They'd have to be doing it at all to be doing it wrong.

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  42. Derelict10:02 AM

    Two wet suits and a dildo means you don't need a safe word. But probably could have used a spotter.

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  43. You haven't seen "Warm Spirochete", where Southern duck hunters explore the eroticization of Lyme disease?

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  44. Mr. Wonderful10:23 AM

    This is beyond stupid, beyond unself-aware, beyond Thunderdome. What's this keenly insightful cultural critic going to say when the show is canceled?

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  45. catclub10:27 AM

    Yeah, but galoot and rooty-toot-toot are still ok.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Mr. Wonderful10:28 AM

    By all means, let's put our trust in a cultural critic who believes that innovation never leads to "great television." This isn't just the credo of the "conservative," but of the fucking imbecile. Do I repeat myself? Very well, I repeat myself and I repeat myself.

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  47. Mr. Wonderful10:29 AM

    (It's a lab, not a Golden.)

    ReplyDelete
  48. Whatever you may say of the clown show that was the Republican nominating contest last year, besides maybe Ron Paul, none of the candidates really came off as a redneck, even if you're charitable in your definitions. The cultural conservatives' favorite, Santorum, wears sweater vests! Newt Gingrich is a megalomaniacal pseudo-intellectual. Mitt Romney is an out of touch businessman. Herman Cain is Black.

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  49. Perhaps subconsciously from Anatole France? "The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets, and steal bread."

    ReplyDelete
  50. tigrismus10:48 AM

    Yeah, I guess Rick Perry is more Good-Old-Boy, too.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Horta Dubstep10:56 AM

    The dog is looking at the reader as if to say, "Can you believe this shit?"

    ReplyDelete
  52. Provider_UNE11:02 AM

    It has been awhile since I last watched the Westminster dog and pony show and thank you for the correction.
    ...

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  53. Provider_UNE11:10 AM

    The world must be terrifying for conservatives.


    I find myself suddenly terrified to contemplate the acreage/square milage/cubic yardage, of bedshit linens resulting from the fear.
    ...

    ReplyDelete
  54. BigHank5311:14 AM

    Now that's anti-Viagra.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Here's the thing. I watched a two hour block of this show a while back, not on purpose but because I had no other choice. I'd never seen it, though much of my Facebook folks who live back in the ol' Northeast Mississippi home love it. From what I could gather, it was one guy with a good idea, his family members living off him, all the men come off as complete boobs and/or large children, and the wives have to do all the cleaning up and possessing of common sense.


    Isn't this what conservatives complain about when they do the "Hollywood is sexist against men" whine?

    ReplyDelete
  56. DocAmazing11:30 AM

    Don't fall for the "you have to know something about it to mock it" canard.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:21 PM

    Damn, right-wingers sure invest a lot of time and emotion in television. Why don't they go out for a walk, or read a book?


    Also, judging from the photos on the t00bz, these guys sure look like a bunch of hippies. They sure don't look like clean-cut conservatives (they'd probably get escorted out of CPAC by security, even though they're white).

    ReplyDelete
  58. KatWillow12:29 PM

    The blond appears to be sitting in the man's lap. He appears to be ... busy. Or in pain. The dog is all, like, "please take me to the Humane Society".

    ReplyDelete
  59. KatWillow12:30 PM

    Looks like sunset to me, but I live on the West (Left) Coast.

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  60. KatWillow12:31 PM

    The world must be terrifying for conservatives


    That why they need their guns.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:31 PM

    Regarding rednecks, I'll defer to Charles Portis. From Gringos: "The back of his neck, a web of cracks, was burnt to the color and texture of red brick from much honest labor in the sun. A badge of honor, you might think, but no, it was the mark of the beast. The thanks Dorsey and his people got for all their noonday sweat was to be called a contemptuous name. Few rednecks actually had red necks these days, but Dorsey Teeter had one that glowed."

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  62. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:33 PM

    Sounds like the good basis for a reality show: Industrial Laundry Chronicles.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:36 PM

    Too many "triggers"?

    ReplyDelete
  64. XeckyGilchrist12:42 PM

    "Hirsuit" was so terrible I could hardly read the rest. Though maybe it was just that it was as crappily written as "hirsuit" was spelled.

    "White lightning in a bottle?" Really?

    ReplyDelete
  65. XeckyGilchrist12:42 PM

    And for the Seuss fans, "barbaloot."

    ReplyDelete
  66. sharculese12:48 PM

    A tv-show I like is decided to like because it was already popular



    ftfy

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  67. sharculese12:50 PM

    white lightning in a bottle would actually be awesome as a name for a country album. or a wheel of fortune answer.

    ReplyDelete
  68. sharculese12:53 PM

    WAR IS PEACE
    IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
    SEXUAL FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    BLACK PEOPLE ARE SCARY

    ReplyDelete
  69. I know, right? And it's not just the prose it's the rhetoric. It's pretty clear he believes these hillbillies are a model for us all because they represent the perfect marriage of fiscal conservatism (they're rich) with social conservatism (they live as if it is the year 1800).

    So he makes a bunch of arguments about why they're so great and shy we should emulate them - but in the middle of his own sales pitch he suddenly gives up on it, probably after realizing how silly it sounds in the sobering light of a looming deadline. He unexpectedly admits that the show doesn't depict reality and only really exists to sell products - but gosh, isn't it nice to dream? And at least, he argues, the show proves that millions of Americans handle guns responsibly and don't need gun control.

    [jarring needle scratch]I mean, wait - what?!? Gun control??? Huh?

    Yes, that's the one point in his essay he doesn't recant, that Duck Dynasty is an argument against gun control. How the show proves this by following just one rural family is not clear to anyone who is sentient. Just don't tread on his gushing romance with guns and "hirsuit" swamp-folk who are folksy and cunning and richer than most big-city liberals.

    ReplyDelete
  70. fubsy1:58 PM

    Couple of weird comments over there on how tax credits make this show and others in LA possible.
    The commenters characterize tax credits as lower taxes.
    You could also characterize them as a corporate subsidy.

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  71. I'd ask if they don't have editors over there, but apparently, they don't even have spellcheck.

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  72. Hey, they don't need Big Gub'mint tellin' 'em how to spell. This is Amercia!

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  73. I'd be menstruating non-stop if I had to be married to a guy who lived by Leviticus.



    Sorry, honey! Bleeding again. You'll have to make your own dinner because I'm unclean. Maybe next month!

    ReplyDelete
  74. Bonus points (as in all reality shows) for not having to pay writers.
    Hey, just like PJMedia.....birds of a feather as it were

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  75. satch5:58 PM

    Yeah... it would have been really terrible if Obama had actually disparaged the "Clingers"... except that he didn't. I'm from the area in western Pennsylvania that he was referring to, and not only was Obama right, he was making the point that those people, and others from similar circumstances were being left behind economically and were clinging to God and guns because that was all they feel they could count on, while the cream of the conservative intelligentsia reach around to massage their desperation and resentment. the duck dudes aren't really people to conservative slickers like Vicker, they're just cannon fodder for their culture war.

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  76. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard6:10 PM

    One of the extended family members (Miss Kay's niece, as I recall) called in to the Ed Schultz show and indicated that she was a long-time listener. How soon before the wingnut backlash?

    ReplyDelete
  77. redoubt6:55 PM

    Drama series: Zalman King's Bedshit Diaries

    ReplyDelete
  78. You're delicious and I approve of your existence.

    ReplyDelete
  79. I wanna writhe in your mind.

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  80. redoubt7:13 PM

    Think about how much television they have to suffer through watch in order to find something that validates their worldview. And they already have their own networks, newspapers, and most of AM radio.

    They're losing, and they know it, and they're flailing, trying to keep up with a world that no longer needs them. What are they going to do three years from now, when A&E finds something to replace Duck Dynasty with?

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  81. Can we just set up an Alicucon already?

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  82. You want me that bad, huh? Can't blame ya, I'm so hot no one sane wants to touch me.

    ReplyDelete
  83. ...Or maybe it's because the ratings system is biased against anyone else...


    Honestly.

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  84. You have to hand it to those plucky job-creators. They totally made that and deserve all props from us silly liberals up here in the Taker States. They have identified a great business model, a heretofore unnoticed goldmine of freely available raw material for capitalisting. Why didn't we think of this? It's genius.
    See, every spring the unshot ducks fly to Canada, where they hatch little ducks free of charge and raise them on free Canadian vegetation grown in heavily regulated socialist wetlands. When the little ducks get bigger, they transport themselves to a better business environment at a minimal fuel cost and no taxes. Instinct alone drives them down the Midwest Flyway toward their noble destiny as self-propelled targets made of protein. On the way they must pass through states such my native Minnesota, where the tale becomes very troubling. We should be profiting from these swift-flying little units of currency but we are prevented by the jack-boot of our socialist legislature, elected by substantial margins of unidentified dark-hued voters. These usurpers and their unelected lackeys in the DNR have forced us to abandon our proud hunting traditions and infringed our freedom of religion by preventing us from shooting all the ducks. Using 'statistics' and 'arithmetic' they have reduced bag limits and hunting seasons and raised license and stamp fees. They spend these funds, and more taxpayer money, on "scientific" "research," game refuges, water quality projects, limitations on development, and other infringements upon our Liberty!1 to try to "preserve" the stocks of ducks. We are so compliant that we have accepted, and even welcomed, these gradual encroachments despite ample evidence that they don't work--duck numbers have continued to decrease despite our sacrifices. It is confusing.


    So, confused, we watch our ducks fly south every fall in decreasing numbers, and cross our fingers that they'll choose to return to the seductive government dependence of a wild-rice slough lined with Canadian tax-dollars. But now we learn about Louisiana. We had no idea there existed such an economic haven of libertous job-creating governmentlessness. We weren't even aware that it was legal to eliminate government, cut taxes to zero, abolish regulation, and restore freedom. We feel pretty silly. I confess: I thought science applied everywhere.
    It's simple: Our ducks arrive in Louisiana and are shot by Randian supermen with $9000 Italian shotguns.

    That's entrepreneurship. That right there is how you create jobs.

    ice

    ReplyDelete
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