Wednesday, February 13, 2013

ANNALS OF THE CULTURE WAR, CONT.

I am grateful to Will Sommer -- who's doing fun things with the Washington City Paper blog, by the way -- for luring me back to Acculturated, the rightwing kulturkampf factory where I had previously found an essay about how feminists kept us all from living in Downton Abbey and saying "jolly good" or something. Sommer's find is by Mark Judge, nee Mark Gavreau Judge and a recurring minor character in the alicublog buffooniverse, who agrees with Kay Hymowitz's shtick about American men having too much fun, and blames women.
These days the problem isn’t as much pre-adulthood males as it is uncultured people–including women. When I was in high school at Georgetown Prep, a Jesuit school that prided itself on producing men who could both lay down a block and conjugate Latin, we had a term for well-rounded women: “cool chicks.” Yeah, she’s a cool chick. A cool chick would go to a baseball game with you, maybe liked a cool band, and also had a favorite museum and novel. They were cool because they weren’t just one thing–the Lena Dunham hipster, the scholarship-obsessed athlete, the Ally Sheedy Breakfast Club basket case. Do cool chicks exist anymore? Is there a Dianne Keaton of this generation?
Translation: I just can't beat off to the Vanity Fair "Hollywood" annual since Meryl Streep got crow's feet.

But then I found that Judge's essay is only "part of a symposium in which a variety of writers and thinkers weigh in on the question: 'Can men be men again?'" -- a line I'd prefer to believe is a Rusty Warren set-up, but which these brightish youngish things apparently take very seriously. One of these is Ryan Duffy, and his essay is called, not even kidding, "Training Men to be Better: Rewards and Punishments."

Duffy tells us it's important that we get guys to stop liking casual sex because who knows why (with this crowd the reasons don't even have to be mentioned, but I bet birth rates are involved), and like Judge he blames women (I sense a pattern), because they "have been feeding the beast of men’s desire for short-term relationships." But if the stupid bitches will just listen to him and Steve Harvey, we can turn this thing right around:
But should we also look to women to play a role in this process? In his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey talks about men like animals and the importance of rewards and punishments. Harvey actively acknowledges his suggestions might not work so well with feminists, but makes suggestions likely waiting ninety days before having sex with men to ensure he is truly in it for the right reasons. 
I believe there is some morsel of truth to Harvey’s claims. If we as a society want men to grow up and be real men–whatever that definition is–it’s critical that we go back to the simple rules of behaviorism. People will feel, think, and behave in ways that they are rewarded or punished for. If we truly want men to change, we can hope they will reward and punish themselves, but acknowledge that we (and especially the women dealing with them) must also play a part.
I suppose it is progress, in a way, that instead of relying on embittered mothers or maiden aunts to teach women to treat men like dogs, conservatives are starting to enlist the aid of Magic Negroes. Maybe this is the direction their minority outreach will take: encouraging Ice Cube, for example, to go out on stage with Allen West to do "Black North Korea."

Still, if your strategy relies on convincing people to stop having sex, you've got a hard sell no matter how you jazz up the pitch. Maybe it's time they went really retro and advocated the establishment of red light districts. Of course, they'd probably abandon the project once they realized they have to pay the comfort women at least $9 an hour. Sigh. I guess it's rightwing sitcom reviews until someone gets them all jobs at The Atlantic.

Parting irony, though: Isn't it rich that their plan for whipping male sexuality into shape requires women to behave like a union?

UPDATE. ADHDJ, in comments: "Indeed, it's easy to forget the world pre-January 2009, before titty bars and pool halls were invented."

UPDATE 2. Late as it is, I should like to add chuckling's observations on Judge and his Lena Dunham hangup, which could easily be applied to any of these guys and their Lena Dunham hangup:
Anyway, interesting the dude's definition of cool when applied to a young woman: It's not someone who's smart, well-educated, cultured, ridiculously successful in television, probably crown fucking princess of the New York indie celebrity scene -- no, none of that is cool -- but someone who will fetch him a hot dog at a baseball game. Of course pretending to share the interests of some conservative ass and smiling as he drones on and on about whatever infuriates him at the moment is a more achievable aspiration than being Lena Dunham for most women, but unfortunately it's pretty much nobody's definition of cool.

253 comments:

  1. drarms11:15 PM

    Teddy Nugent baby

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  2. drarms11:17 PM

    I know plenty of cool chicks- Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, Condy. Anyone else?

    ReplyDelete
  3. edroso11:22 PM

    Goodbye.

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  4. Spaghetti Lee11:23 PM

    "Training Men to be Better: Rewards and Punishments."



    When they come up with a concept too stupid to pass muster as a beer commercial, I guess they let the conservative essayists have it.

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  5. AGoodQuestion11:25 PM

    Much as I love Ally Sheedy, if you cite her Breakfast Club character as one of the major types of "girls today," that's a sign you need to get out more. Of course it's always easier to maintain a belief in the depravity of young people if you never go out and meet any.

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  6. AGoodQuestion11:26 PM

    ... is the first example of a cool chick that pops into your head. Fascinating.

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  7. pukebot11:28 PM

    Shorter: chastity belt = compound fracture of the penis = problem solved. I don't know but I have a headache and I want to throw up from trying to figure it out.

    ReplyDelete
  8. montag211:30 PM

    Can one even have sex in a Skinner Box?

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  9. BigHank5311:43 PM

    The more things change, the more they stay the same: they're still expecting women to do all the work. For free.


    Patriarchy: you're swimming in it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. BigHank5311:58 PM

    Thank you, Roy.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Look at the archetypes - slut (Dunham), dyke (athlete), or nutcase (Allison). And all offer plausible deniability as to why you can't get a date with them.

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  13. bulletsarepeopletoo12:31 AM

    It seems to me that his idea of a cool chick is that of a dependent woman who does mostly things that a guy wants to do rather than someone who is independent with interests & friends of her own.

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  14. He's looking for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

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  15. Tybalt12:45 AM

    I like how Ryan Duffy explicitly admits that he's enough of an unarmed intellectual desperado to cling to "some morsel of truth" as his equivalent of the proverbial lamppost.

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  16. Tybalt12:48 AM

    Seriously. "Diane Keaton" a dead giveaway. Go back to Chippewa Falls, Dennis.

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  17. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:01 AM

    If we as a society want men to grow up and be real men–whatever that definition is–it’s critical that we go back to the simple rules of behaviorism. People will feel, think, and behave in ways that they are rewarded or punished for.

    Basically, he means B.F. Skinner style operant conditioning. Is he proposing a "Ludovico technique" for randy single people?

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  18. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:02 AM

    You're a pukebot, you always want to throw up!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:03 AM

    Oh, double bing bang hell, I really need to read the comments before posting!

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  20. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:07 AM

    Another thing... on the one hand, right wing fringers have been hooting and hollering about "mind control" techniques being used by everyone from the president to shadowy organizations that convince young men to shoot up schools and movie theaters, and on the other, they advocate using "mind control". I don't know if we can even call it cognitive dissonance anymore, it's more like cognitive polysonance.

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  21. DocAmazing1:11 AM

    Next from Acculturated:Lysistrata For Dummies.

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  22. montag21:23 AM

    Had a look at Acculturated's roster, and while it's a classic lineup of right-wing culture fetishists, I can't help but think that these are young (or youngish) people in a perpetual slough of despond over the demise of "Father Knows Best" and Bishop Fulton Sheen's "Life is Worth Living," and in this time, that's just a wee bit, well, creepy (sorry, creepy comes to mind any time I see Ben Domenech's name among the contributors).

    In that context, it's no surprise that they would emphasize the role of men. There seems to be a strong reactionary Catholic subtext (the Georgetown preppie's, "men who could both lay down a block and conjugate Latin") to much of what is written there, as if they could somehow, some way, erase the sexual revolution and the women's movement in the same way that John Paul II pretty much erased John XXIII's legacy.


    And it's not just that they seem to be an anachronism, but that they're blissfully unaware that they are, as if their brand of horseshit is still both topical and embraced by the mainstream--that tone is irrepressibly front and center at the site (seemingly, as though the pathologically paternalistic, misogynistic and homophobic Catholic church hasn't been wallowing in corruption and deceit for many centuries).


    That chirpy confidence in the world of 1954, one that practically none of them know first-hand, is enough to make almost anyone woozy from the fumes.

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  23. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:29 AM

    It's not even anachronism... they want to go to a 1950's sitcom fantasy, not the 1950's reality with all those union members and dissatisfied black people.

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  24. Wait, so women need to 'tame' and acculturate (conservative) men – but for conservatives, culture is the enemy – and women are more liberal than men, and traitors for voting for the Kenyan usurper… So the conservative plan depends on, what, whining the enemy (women) into changing their minds and values… all so that women will somehow dedicate themselves to saving the flaccid conservative cause? Or perhaps this is just another way for angry conservative men to look at the changing world, and say, 'it's all the fault of women!' (And Negroes, immigrants, etc.) The conservative mindset really is fascinating, but only in a psychiatric sense.

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  25. ADHDJ2:26 AM

    "most men in their twenties are more like overgrown children then “real
    men”–more interested in drinking, porn, hanging out with their buddies,
    and playing video games then establishing meaningful relationships with
    women."


    Indeed, it's easy to forget the world pre-January 2009, before titty bars and pool halls were invented.

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  27. ADHDJ2:32 AM

    This is what you get when you defund the USDA: spirochetes in the gandersauce.

    ReplyDelete
  28. We still believe in god in Pennsylvania, you know"

    That is probably the attraction.

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  29. fraser4:18 AM

    And their evidence Lena Dunham doesn't have a favorite novel? Oh, wait, Lena Dunham, the new Antichristess, of course she doesn't.

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  30. nanute5:36 AM

    "Of course, they'd probably abandon the project once they realized they have to pay the comfort women at least $9 an hour" Roy, Are you fucking kidding me? It's probably more like $9 a minute, and these rubes wouldn't last more than 20 seconds.

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  31. "Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have kids without having sex."

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  32. I'm thinking back to Susan Faludi's book The Terror Dream and, by way of ripping her ideas off a bit, I'm theorizing that conservatives got a heady dose of culturally endorsed "men need to be real men again" sentiment in the wake of 9/11, and as it fades away over the years, they're trying desperately to get that feeling back.

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  33. As has oft been observed here before, consistency isn't important to the wingnut mind. Any attacks on liberals for doing [whatever] is simply a rhetorical tool, and certainly doesn't preclude conservatives from advocating or doing [whatever]. It's not about having consistent values or principles, it's just about being on the winning side. Because otherwise emasculation or something.

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  34. You see, once a woman publicly acknowledges that she has and enjoys sex, all of her other interests, hobbies, skills, and whatnot evaporate. There is a 0% chance that Lena Dunham is a well-rounded person, because Lena Dunham publicly admits to enjoying sex. QED

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  35. More likely something along the lines of "This War Between Athens and Sparta Is Great, But to the Extent That It's Not, It's Women's Fault That It Hasn't Ended."

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  36. Also, too, if wimmens all "held out" for ninety days, then these assholes always have an excuse for why they aren't getting any, since they probably never date the same woman for more than a week or two before she finds out how to ditch them.

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  37. I'd like to know what this "improved" man is to a wingnut (wincing in anticipation of something horrible). Is it a guy who can "lay down a block" (whatever the fuck that means) while speaking Latin?

    My experience tells me that improving men to a wingnut involves returning to a world where (white) men are the only real human beings doing anything that matters (killing, stealing, breaking things), while wimmens and all other non-humans cheer them on from the sidelines.

    We've only had about 40,000 years of that--not enough time to see if it works, I suppose.

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  38. As a southerner, I can tell you this iconic "cool chick" who is simultaneously dependent yet manipulative, is alive and well.

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  39. A truism of modern conservatism is that ANYTHING they complain about in others is because they do it themselves. It's not just projection, mind you, it's envy, too.

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  40. Agreed. Tribalism = conservatism/wingnutia.


    I would amend this to observe that while it is indeed about being on the winning side, they are ALWAYS on the winning side in their fantasy narrative. Down to the last man standing, they will whine about being marginalized by the losers.

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  41. I'm old enough to remember when you had to get your titties from mail order.

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  42. But in their tribal world, social stigma IS reality, so ispso-facto, Dunham is doing it to herself by flouting (conservatoid) social conventions.


    Of course, the social pressure of lesser humans towards conservatoids is not the same at all. no siree. that's just kenyanmooslimfagist tyranny.

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  43. Doghouse Riley7:23 AM

    there was once a time when men kept ribald humor to their circle of male peers. There was just certain stuff you didn’t talk about in front of women. With the sexual revolution, those zones of healthy segregation began to collapse.

    I'm reminded of Thurber's tale of trying to see through a microscope in Freshman Biology, with zero success until that glorious day, near the end of the semester, when things suddenly became clear to him and he produced a detailed drawing of his own eyeball.

    Look, cling to your little America of church socials and well-rounded sports fans all ya want, and go on imagining this taking place while you get to sit in your rec room listening to South Park characters fart (it's just like Chaucer!) in DTS-HD Master Audio.

    But will you fucks please, please, acknowledge, just once, that these zones of "healthy" segregation broke down because of WWII? If for no other reason than to prove you can do independent research at a 9th grade level?

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  44. Halloween_Jack7:35 AM

    I think that "laying down a block" has something to do with football, because this was the kind of prep school where every dude was on the team. Hell of a bench!

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  45. I'm picturing the Python "Masters and Students" football match for some reason.

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  46. Halloween_Jack7:53 AM

    Albeit one who insists that God is groovy and composes songs to Paul Ryan on her ukulele.

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  47. Halloween_Jack7:54 AM

    As long as you keep one foot on that little lever, why not?

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  48. Halloween_Jack7:57 AM

    Good call; he embraced his role with enthusiasm, but ultimately was living proof that enthusiasm doesn't make up for lack of originality.

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  49. I'm curious about these well-rounded 'cool chicks' and their 'favorite novels'. Is there some sort of unspoken high-falutin' Kulturkampf Kriteria being applied? Would his lady's enjoyment of genre fiction like Twilight, Harry Potter or all that 'paranormal romance' cause dude-ly eye rolling? Bridget Jones's Diary? How about something like Stone Arabia? Sexing The Cherry? Work by A.S. Byatt? So many question marks and I'm sure so few answers forthcoming if this fellow was pinned down on specifics.

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  50. montag28:06 AM

    I'd like to know what this "improved" man is to a wingnut....

    Umm, Doug Neidermeyer?

    Again, these guys' wheels are stuck in the mud of the `50s, and I'm betting that their role model is the BMOC. Think letter sweaters and Hathaway shirts.


    For conservatives, retrograde is preferable.

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  51. I guess there's a fine line between 'retro' and 'retrograde'.

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  52. Halloween_Jack8:12 AM

    I think that part of the big problem that they have with Dunham is that she isn't a sex object, or at least a conventional one; the unspoken assumption in the definition of the "cool chick" above is that she's pretty, and Dunham plays a character of average looks who has sex with good-looking men, the exact inversion of any number of comedies that feature slobs and dorks hooking up with hot women. She even takes her clothes off! Gahh, run for the hills!

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  53. wileywitch8:12 AM

    Well, when he makes the mistake of letting her know what a misogynist pig he is, she could "punish" him with a stun gun to help him "grow". Behaviorism. I like it.

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  54. And that review of COMMUNITY - a refreshing critique of contemporary society and the perfect caricature of everything that’s wrong with higher education. Oh man, oh god, oh man, oh my braaaaiiinnn...!! And nothing says beams, motes 'n' eyeballs like the typo in their headline. Dipshits.

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  55. wileywitch8:16 AM

    It occurred to me yesterday that the lead many of them are using to make their own bullets is likely to be causing a significant amount of brain damage.

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  56. wileywitch8:18 AM

    Cue "American Woman".

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  57. BigHank538:20 AM

    Ha. What they (and other petty authoritarians) miss about the post-9/11 period is the conformity. The country had been wronged, we were going to get even, and nearly everyone* agreed on this. Remember Andrew Sullivan's Fifth Columnists? Remember the reaction Bill Maher got for observing that it wasn't all that cowardly to take on a suicide mission? The condemnation that rained down upon anyone who pointed out that the Middle East had been getting the shaft from colonial powers for decades?

    If you examine their visions of past social perfection, you'll find precious little "freedom". They admire periods of conformity, fear, and repression, when rumors could destroy a person's career and an informant could ruin people. When a talentless lickspittle could have power.**

    I don't think you need to dig any deeper than that.

    *Not the Quakers and other pacifists, but when did we ever let those people slow us down?

    **Applying Ockham's Razor here, this is the simplest explanation I can find for the conservative admiration of Stalin. They may not agree with his goals, but they sure seem to like his methods.

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  58. wileywitch8:25 AM

    I picture them having sex with a woman (or gay prostitute) then beating them up. "See what you made me do!"

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  59. She even takes her clothes off! Gahh, run for the hills!Gahh, run for the hills!


    IYKWIMAITYD.

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  60. montag28:33 AM

    There's a good reason why poodle skirts and saddle shoes never came back....

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  61. redoubt8:34 AM

    Also, government is always bad, except in the service of right-wing morality. Think J. Edgar McCarthy, with waterboarding.

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  62. Hell, the world pre-January 2009, where 18 to 30-year-olds had a much higher chance of having a stable career, manageable student debt and optimism for the future. When you're six figures underwater and stuck shuttling between part-time at-will jobs, it's pretty hard to plan tomorrow's dinner, much less long-term relationships.

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  63. When I was in high school at Georgetown Prep

    You mean the all boys prep school for dumb rich kids where "cool chicks" were something they thought about but never actually, you know, met.

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  64. When I was in high school at Georgetown Prep

    Okay, I think I see part of the problem.

    the scholarship-obsessed athlete

    In high schools of my acquaintance, the achievement-obsessed female athletes were usually strong academic performers as well. Maybe because it was less likely that they could get a free ride in college with sports alone. I blame women for that double standard.

    If we truly want men to change, we can hope they will reward and punish themselves


    I assure you, rarely a day goes by when I don't hope you guys punish yourselves exactly as much as you deserve, Ryan.

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  65. redoubt8:51 AM

    These people? "Laying down a block" = clipping. And because they've been "working the refs", in their minds they shouldn't be penalized.

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  66. pukebot9:26 AM

    you bastard!

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  67. satch9:29 AM

    Oh yeah... those '50's sitcoms. Society would be a lot healthier today if only Ralph Kramden had acted like a real man and ACTUALLY punched Alice "to da moon!"

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  68. and what's "laying down a block"? is that like a doo-wop quartet thing?

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  69. Um, as I am not mother to most men, it is not my job to teach them or shape them or whatever. I am not the world's nursemaid and caretaker.

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  70. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person9:48 AM

    waiting ninety days before having sex with men to ensure he is truly in it for the right reasons.

    "In it". I gayrontee that's no typo...

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  71. Teresa9:52 AM

    So the he man manly masters of the universe require babysitters and nannies their whole lives. That's an impressive advertisement for getting married. "traditional marriage is really a full time babysitting job." lol

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  72. The wingnuts haven't managed to figure out the difference between the fictional TV character Lena Dunham created and Lena Dunham.

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  73. Halloween_Jack10:00 AM

    I am not mother to most men


    Bummer; you'd make out like a bandit on Mother's Day gifts.

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  74. Halloween_Jack10:05 AM

    Good observation. Lots of people point toward the end of the Cold War as one of the causes for the rise of Islamophobia as a replacement for the red scare, but I think that what the professional haters really miss are the early days, the late forties and fifties, when (speaking of talentless lickspittles) you had Tailgunner Joe, not to mention HUAC, where young Richard Nixon made his bones.

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  75. Halloween_Jack10:09 AM

    They'll steal Aubrey Beardsley's illustrations because they want to believe that their dicks really are that big. [NSFW if you do a GIS for them.]

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  76. BigHank5310:18 AM

    Not to mention the up-close and personal look they got at their parents' divorces, layoffs, and foreclosures. They know exactly what being an adult looks like these days: a shit sandwich.

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  77. Leeds man10:19 AM

    Max Cady, without the wit and charm.

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  78. I'd be willing to bet that the real Lena Dunham still has a sex life that wingnuts wouldn't approve of.

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  79. "Well, that was like laying down a block," she muttered, as she stomped out of Mark Judge's bedroom.

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  80. I am not the world's nursemaid and caretaker.


    Which is too bad, in a way. Think of all those asses that need kicking.

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  81. Am I the only one who read "Training Men to be Better: Rewards and Punishments" and thought: Snausages!

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  82. Also, what's so magical about ninety days? Do our hymens regrow?

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  83. Its not mind control--its their other big bugbear "social engineering."

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  84. Two land o'lakes box tops and a ten cent stamp?

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  85. I hope she does.

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  86. Dunham spends so much time naked that I think she's trying to desensitize everyone. Maybe what the wingnuts fear is a distopian future where titties are no longer special?

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  87. "Reward and Punish...reward and punish" hm...? This is not very subtle, is it? Is this guy in Opus dei? All I hear is a sub's call to sadomasochistic binging and purging.

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  88. He needs to be put on a ninety day delay cycle before we fuck him again.

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  89. "...we can hope they will reward and punish themselves."


    Yeah, that's the ticket! (Rummages through hardware drawer) now, where did I put that cilice...

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  90. zencomix11:07 AM

    Mister, we could use a man like Hoybit Hoovah again.

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  91. zencomix11:11 AM

    90 days was a routine sentence for minor offenses, as in "I spent 90 days on a pea farm doing county time."

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  92. They see a woman who publicly enjoys sex and immediately she's a sex object in their eyes

    His article boils down to, "Either fool my sex drive by acting like a guy or wear a burqa, bitch!"

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  93. Mr. Wonderful11:12 AM

    Good pernt. It's dollars to doughnuts their "values" evolve in response to their emotional/sexual lives. They--men and women --lack both the heedless will-to-fun of the romantic (and of the non-intellectual), and the courage that more repressed types (such as myself) need in order to examine past behavior and deal with current fears and neuroses.

    All that's left for them is to make a virtue of their unhappiness, envy, and/or frustration. You could make decent money selling them t-shirts with "It's GOOD that I can't get laid" in Latin on the front, and "It's bad that you can" on the back.

    (Also: Love "buffooniverse." Will steal. But w/ approp. accreditation.)

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  94. Mr. Wonderful11:29 AM

    As has been mentioned here many times: they don't understand art or culture, which is to say, they don't understand the very idea of fiction. This can perhaps be tied to another truism, which is that they don't understand the idea of consent. If you can't grasp the ontologically-specialized status of Lena Dunham-the-character, you can't grasp the ontologically-specialized (i.e., not yours) status of another person's self.



    And it's not that they can't; it's that they don't want to. They're not available to do it. They're too busy getting and giving validation of membership in the tribe of people whose repression makes them worthy of admiration.

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  95. sharculese11:50 AM

    Palin fails unless 'all of them' counts as a favorite book...

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  96. True, but wouldn't Beardsley be a little - I dunno - "fruity" for this lot?

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  97. Well, I was thinking "BACON", but Snausages works too.

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  98. OT but I want to recommend an amazing film which is kind of in the manic pixie dream girl but not quite category. I HIGHLY recommend this film: "Safety Not Guaranteed."http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/safety_not_guaranteed/


    Although it was made by the same people who made Little Miss Sunshine it has all the real pathos and edgy humor that LMS's plastic, shopworn, script only dreamed of.

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  99. I wish to welcome this comment into my tribe with flowers, chocolates and maybe a little light foreplay. Respectfully and with full attention to its ontological status.

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  100. BaconbaconbaconBACON!

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  101. Door open and three feet on the lever.

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  102. blondie12:35 PM

    I'd say either football or pooping.

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  103. Wait a minute. Now men and women are not even allowed to share dirty jokes?

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  104. I don't get Mark's complaint AT ALL. Most of my Internet friends have interests that are far-flung. Hell, my tastes and interests are all over the map.

    Maybe Mark has a disappoint because he hangs around horrible young conservatives.

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  105. RogerAiles12:45 PM

    He meant "laying Donna Block," a tramp who attended a Catholic girls' school in Anacostia. The day she was propositioned by Judge she joined a convent.

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  106. redoubt12:51 PM

    They don't call them "Beggin' Strips" for nothing.

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  107. It's another way for them to get women out of the way so they can have the field to themselves again -- make it women's responsibility to manage men so they won't have time to compete with men for jobs and grades.

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  108. On a serious note, as much as conservatives blather about Lena Dunham
    objectifying and sexualizing herself etc. etc., it seems to me that
    conservatives are the ones doing that to her. They see a woman who
    publicly enjoys sex, and immediately she's merely a sex object in their
    eyes. She's not doing that to herself, they're doing it to her.



    See also, Beyonce, Pearl-clutching reaction to.

    ReplyDelete
  109. I thought it was "Landing Strips." Or am I confused again?

    ReplyDelete
  110. mortimer1:10 PM

    Art? Culture? Mike Judge thinks sports are propaganda. See this most glorious disemboweling by His Eminence Pierce.

    ReplyDelete
  111. But they never write, they never call...

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  112. Sarah Palin? Well, I guess Alaska is pretty cold...

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  113. The old "We're doomed because young people are getting married slightly later" refrain. That one raises my hackles a bit. When I was living in the PRC, I dated this woman who was prone to bouts of depression. It turns out that her female relatives and friends had been making fun of her because she wasn't married with a child. They'd been calling her "old maid" in so many words. She was 22 years old.


    So to all these right-wing culture scolds who won't let this point drop, I must ask: Is this the world you want? Because it's the one you're trying to build, and I am certainly not going to let my daughters grow up feeling that their lives are over if they're still single out of college.

    ReplyDelete
  114. LookWhosInTheFreezer1:19 PM

    Shorter Steve Harvey: Make dinner, not love!

    ReplyDelete
  115. KatWillow1:20 PM

    Makes me think of the Simpsons Episode where Lisa went to a Book Fair, and spotted The Bible For Dummies. I always chortle when I remember it.

    ReplyDelete
  116. To be fair, my mother always said it was possible to get pregnant from a dirty joke.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Been saying for years that Conservative aggression towards the USSR was not born out of hate, as they claimed, but out of envy. They longed for that level of coerced conformity, and would have had it too, if it weren't for those dam kids and their pot and long hair and free love (which they envied as well).

    ReplyDelete
  118. Dissonance, polysonance, whatever you call it, it's got a hell of a beat and you can dance to it!

    ReplyDelete
  119. As long as you keep one foot on that little lever


    IYKWIMAITYD.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Door open and three feet on the lever.


    This is why I'm no longer permitted to fly commercial.


    All that pilot training, wasted.

    ReplyDelete
  121. 90 days ensures that if it turns out the slutty slut sluts are pregnant by some deadbeat former boyfriend, it won't be their fault, so they won't be on the hook for child support.

    ReplyDelete
  122. mortimer1:49 PM

    Sorry, that's Mark Judge.

    ReplyDelete
  123. And we only have ONE Zoe Deschanel!

    ReplyDelete
  124. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:58 PM

    And all this time, I was terrified of the Axis of Zooey!

    ReplyDelete
  125. Are you sure it's not Keith Richards?

    ReplyDelete
  126. You really believe this? It makes absolutely no sense

    ReplyDelete
  127. Nice copy and paste big boy. Are you sure you aren't Richy Rich"

    ReplyDelete
  128. Kind of like "Start Me Up" Mr. Richards

    ReplyDelete
  129. It seems to me that you are all referring to the liberal way! Welcome to the Republican Party. We like money and hate debt. We love employment and hate free shit. We marry and have good looking wives. You love same sex and those that aren't queer love sluts who will raise your babies, hence the reason for entitlements and section 8 housing. You f'ing losers

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  130. For all you losers

    Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash
    for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans,
    blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want
    steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

    Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I'd do is to get women
    Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test recipients
    for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. If you want to reproduce or use drugs,
    alcohol, or smoke, then get a job.

    Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks?
    You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your
    home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be
    inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your
    own place.

    In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or
    you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of
    trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We
    will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo
    and speakers and put that money toward the "common good.."

    Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the
    above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say
    that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

    If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least
    attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system
    rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

    AND While you are on Gov't subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes,
    that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will
    voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov't
    welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.

    ReplyDelete
  131. aimai2:12 PM

    Oh, so its like Islamic divorce in conservative countries where divorcing women go and stay somewhere separate in order to make sure that any pregnancy they are carrying is correctly assigned to a male's family.

    ReplyDelete
  132. aimai2:13 PM

    Wait, what about the straight liberal women? Do we love sluts too? And are we the reason for Social Security and Medicare? Because we are slutty slut slutty grandmas?

    ReplyDelete
  133. aimai2:14 PM

    Makes no sense? Well, I guess you should know.

    ReplyDelete
  134. aimai2:16 PM

    Just in case anyone doesn't remember: http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Odd%20Pics3/LandOLakes.html

    ReplyDelete
  135. tigrismus2:18 PM

    So the best way for a men to become adults is to be treated like children? NO. BAD. You can come out of your room when you're ready to admit this is your own damn responsibility.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Christ, this one is even more stupid than the last one.

    ReplyDelete
  137. "You love same sex and those that aren't queer love sluts who will raise your babies, hence the reason for entitlements and section 8 housing."


    This is the single most confusing thing I've ever read outside that James Poulos article at Daily Caller.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Anonymous2:28 PM

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    ReplyDelete
  139. Plus, the thought occurs that if a man is more interested in beer and porn than he is in me that that's actually a great marker. Markers are handy for signaling to people "Avoid me: I'm an asshole." Some men are assholes. It's not my job to change them; it's my job to avoid them.

    ReplyDelete
  140. What about the Axe Body Spray of Zooey?


    Oh, poop. I spelled her name wrong. Dammit.

    ReplyDelete
  141. LANGUAGE. This is a family blog, B^4.

    ReplyDelete
  142. wileywitch2:34 PM

    Can we deny that there is not one heterosexual marriage among liberals? Nowhere in this country are communities in which most of the population is heterosexual liberals who are or will one day marry. Don't even get me started on how there are no heterosexually married liberal couples with children born in wedlock. That's just crazy.

    One day we'll notice that there are no children of liberals that aren't on welfare and the realization will come that the we have been hallucinating nearly everything all of our lives and that most of the people we know are imaginary. We have not, for instance, been sending more tax dollars to Red states than are payed by those Red states. The states that receive the most federal welfare and section 8 dollars are not mostly Red states.

    And our world will fall apart.

    ReplyDelete
  143. I enjoyed LMS. I didn't find it plastic or shopworn at all. When I first saw it, I thought it was fantastic. Looking at it with a fresh eye, I get why people don't like it, but I definitely don't find it meritless. Heck, the dance scene alone is worth the price of admission for me.

    ReplyDelete
  144. edroso2:48 PM

    Sorry, cut-and-pasting internet spam without acknowledgment draws an immediate red card.

    ReplyDelete
  145. wileywitch2:49 PM

    Yikes. It would be difficult to just enjoy herself and the company she was dating with that twisted psychological pressure.

    ReplyDelete
  146. aimai2:51 PM

    I found the sexualization of the little girl incredibly creepy--her relationship with the grandfather was downright sick. Only a kind of faux hipster cool shock shtick made that seem reasonable. I also thought that the scene where they run around trying to get the grandfather's body back was tedious and incredibly obvious. The whole thing was telegraphed so that you saw it coming a mile away.

    ReplyDelete
  147. satch2:52 PM

    Jeezus, here we go again... it's drarms under a new name.

    ReplyDelete
  148. MikeJ2:54 PM

    Yes, excellent film. Here's a pic I took in the town it was shot/set in: http://i.imgur.com/M60mO1Q.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  149. I'm not sure I want you in charge of going to the bathroom by yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  150. Oh, I enjoyed the relationship between the grandfather and little girl.


    Oh well. Different strokes for different folks.


    I'd still marry nearly all your comments. But I'D WAIT UNTIL I'M OLDER JUST TO PISS OFF CONSERVATIVES.

    ReplyDelete
  151. witlesschum3:00 PM

    Who doesn't?

    ReplyDelete
  152. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person3:00 PM

    wileywitch

    It occurred to me yesterday that the lead many of them are using to make their own bullets is likely to be causing a significant amount of brain damage.


    Been wondering about that myself. Hanging around shooting ranges with earmuffs on, but no particle masks? How long do you have to do that before you inhale a meaningful amount of Pb dust? Not being snarky here, I really wonder.
    And Google tells me I'm not the first, by a ways...
    Texas, 1996
    Connecticut, 2005

    ReplyDelete
  153. Who doesn't?

    Catholic priests, at least in Ron Johnson's view.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Dunham spends so much time naked that I think she's trying to desensitize everyone.



    There's clearly a lot more work to be done.

    ReplyDelete
  155. wileywitch3:12 PM

    Links no work. Try just pasting the address.

    ReplyDelete
  156. BigHank533:29 PM

    Nearly all bullets are jacketed now. Lead is really soft, and high-velocity firearms (which is all of them, nowadays) will tend to rip little flakes of lead off the bullet, which wind up basically welded to the inside of the barrel. This spoils accuracy. The copper alloy that used for a jacket is a lot tougher. So there's not much lead poisoning from bullets, ha ha ha....

    The lead that is a worry at shooting ranges is lead azide. Azides are shock-sensitive explosives that are used in primers, the little round bit of the cartridge that the firing pin hits. They set fire to the gunpowder. There's various formulas for the things; one of them includes lead. In burning, of course, a lot of it winds up as smoke, which can be inhaled. Then your body winds up dealing with it the same way it does with any other heavy-metal toxin: it will damage pretty much everything. Y'all have to breathe in a lot of the crap to do this, though. I only know of a single lead azide fatality, a State Police firing range instructor back in the nineties who went to bed one night and didn't wake up in the morning. Since then pretty much every indoor shooting range has put in much larger exhaust fans.

    Lead isn't as neurotoxic in adults as it is in children, as the brain is finished growing.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Gromet3:39 PM

    Ha, yes. Being a real man means being trained and bossed around by women. Got it. Makes sense. Completely coherent position.

    ReplyDelete
  158. Atticus Dogsbody3:50 PM

    I laid (pono - posui) a huge block this morning.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Gromet3:57 PM

    What if we define a real man as "one who accepts that the universe offers no confirmation of our place in it and supplies no morality except whatever we devise ourselves, so humbly in light of this he works to the best of his ability to share indiscriminately with all fellow humans, keeping for himself only what he needs and always safeguarding the Earth for the next generation, in a bonobo-like spirit of love"?


    I'm sure this definition occurs to conservatives. Let's help them think up some simple reward & punishment techniques to flesh it out.

    ReplyDelete
  160. I'm 54 and don't remember that, hahaha. I would try it but couldn't explain it to the wife.

    ReplyDelete
  161. aimai4:13 PM

    Well, I like you too DKN. But I was a little girl. And I've got two (formerly) little girls. And I really don't think that poor kid's self esteem problems were significantly helped by having her porn obsessed grandfather focus on getting her to perform an obscene public imitation of an older woman's sexualized stage act.

    ReplyDelete
  162. aimai4:14 PM

    Where were you? I'm 52 and I well remember the older boys showing us all how to make those boobs appear.

    ReplyDelete
  163. Halloween_Jack4:14 PM

    They wouldn't check up-front, which would make it double-hilarious when they find out. Great success!

    ReplyDelete
  164. aimai4:15 PM

    This is another thing that the gayz have ruined for men--once you could sit around in various all male enclaves: boy scouts, the priesthood, and be absolutely sure that there was no cannibalism...I mean, wait, let me come in again.

    ReplyDelete
  165. aimai4:16 PM

    And I'm damned sure I don't want to know what rules he'd draw up for the rest of us.

    ReplyDelete
  166. Part of the whole joke with that, though, was that the dance made explicit all the creepiness of the pageant that the family had missed in Olive but saw in the others as soon as they walked in the door.

    ReplyDelete
  167. wileywitch4:43 PM

    I first saw it on the internet a few years ago, but I grew up in a place where the adults were so weird that they thought that margarine tasted just like butter and Cool-Whip tasted just like real whipped cream. That's when I started to realize I was different and probably (hopefully) adopted.

    ReplyDelete
  168. I suspect I am immune to such desensitization.

    ReplyDelete
  169. wileywitch4:51 PM

    If you spend a lot of time handling and heating lead while making your own bullets, though, it's bound to have a negative effect. I just read a story about research on the bones of people in Shogun Japan. The women's lead make-up was in their bones and very concentrated in the bones of their children. Bullet nuts would be very well advised to keep their children away from their bullet making no matter how much of a "bonding" experience they think it might be.

    ReplyDelete
  170. BigHank535:16 PM

    Oh yeah. Here's a scary story about the poor schmucks hired to remodel a firing range:

    http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2020353191_gunrangeleadxml.html

    ReplyDelete
  171. Indeed, the generation that came of age in the 90s said "fuck it" and became slackers. These days you can't even afford to be a slacker. You're either gainfully employed or up shit creek.

    ReplyDelete
  172. TGuerrant6:03 PM

    Kim du Toit: Pussification

    ReplyDelete
  173. A world where people (especially women!) are shamed and pressured into adopting normative social roles? Why yes, I do believe that's exactly the world conservatives want.

    ReplyDelete
  174. Conservative attitudes toward the USSR were always schizophrenic. They were more than willing to use the USSR's image of a staid, Spartan (HOOAH!), conformist society that squashed individual expression in a bid to scare people into also hating the USSR. But in its broadest strokes, that staid, Spartan (HOOAH!), conformist society closely resembled their suburban middle-class white Christian utopia.

    ReplyDelete
  175. Not for long, sadly

    ReplyDelete
  176. Voting for policies that benefit you is a conflict of interest? Isn't that the whole point of voting?

    Right, only if you're white, non-poor, and Christian. Sorry, almost forgot.

    ReplyDelete
  177. Meanie-meanie, tickle a person6:18 PM

    Oopsie. Tried to de-google 'em and messed up the surgery on the CT link.

    Oh, and I forgot: "PDF Warning!!!11!". Sorry if anybody was hurt...

    CT sez

    "TIP: By using jacketed and plated ammunition, especially with a
    non-lead primer, airborne lead levels can be significantly reduced. "

    Whatever damage was gonna be done by this type of lead exposure--and it's a (you'll pardon the expression) lead-pipe cinch some damage was done--has probably already been done. Clean up the ranges, as Big Hank said, and the problem pretty much goes away, except for personal use of non-jacketed slugs and leaded primers, in a family setting. I hope those folks take this seriously, but, as "lead causes problems" is mostly a "Liberal idea", they'll have to come up with some excuse to clean up their act. Heeding Lib warnings about just about anything is a non-starter in that community....

    ReplyDelete
  178. The Dark Avenger6:26 PM

    No, I'm here to tell you it's the same guy. He's on Facebook as Oy Humidity and he's not very bright.

    ReplyDelete
  179. M. Krebs6:27 PM

    I believe Cole may be referring to the Sears Roebuck catalog.

    ReplyDelete
  180. Sgaile-beairt7:22 PM

    awwwww but dont you WANT a fixer upper?? theyre great bargains, or so i hear!!

    ReplyDelete
  181. Malignant Bouffant7:31 PM

    'Scuse the hell outta me, but my landlord receives Section 8 money on my behalf (besides the third of my disability income that I pay directly to the bastard) & there's a distinct shortage of queer love sluts or those who aren't, but are raising babies around here. Do I check w/ my Section 8 Advisor or the landlord to get in on this?

    ReplyDelete
  182. Malignant Bouffant7:33 PM

    Manson fambly, that is. You know, liberals.

    ReplyDelete
  183. Malignant Bouffant7:37 PM

    Nah, her parents spelled her name wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  184. " they "have been feeding the beast of men’s desire for short-term relationships.""


    Because Gawd knows that us menfolk certainly can't be trusted to not stick our dicks in every wet hole that's handy, amirite? ;)

    Between things like this and the garbage that falls out of the mouths of MRAs / radical religious fundamentalists about "uncontrollable biological urges", a consistent pattern emerges: the authors of such are unfit to leave the house unsupervised, and should only travel with a guardian if they *do* need to leave the house.

    In other words, basically the recommended treatment to stop leg-humping in DOGS: http://www.dogster.com/puppies/How-to-Stop-Your-Puppy-from-Humping-114

    ReplyDelete
  185. Malignant Bouffant7:52 PM

    Having seen that on the West Coast X yrs. ago I want to know how these things went nation-wide 40 yrs. before the Internet.

    ReplyDelete
  186. wileywitch7:58 PM

    I was thinking it might be oily titz. Don't think judges are letting her get a lot of legal action these days.

    ReplyDelete
  187. wileywitch8:08 PM

    Oh come on. No one is really disabled. Could you work at a bicycle stand, perhaps, or sell pencils on street corners to pay rent in a slumlord's paradise that you can't afford to heat or cool because it's merely a suggestion of housing?

    As a caregiver and someone with a disability, believe me, I'm joking. If Jason Statham sat in a wheel chair most Americans would say that he looked "disabled". If they see someone not sitting in a wheelchair--- though you can see death standing behind them tapping it's feet if you pay attention--- then they are not disabled. They're faking it.


    I find myself wishing debilitation on some folks these days. Can't help it anymore. Or don't want to.

    ReplyDelete
  188. Lee Hartmann8:21 PM

    Is there some "fanatical devotion to the pope" somewhere in that list?

    ReplyDelete
  189. wileywitch8:23 PM

    Fucking hell! Firing ranges and golf courses--- for the love of toxicity--- can't these people find hobbies that involve poisons?

    ReplyDelete
  190. JennOfArk8:37 PM

    That sounds precisely like the advice I gave to a friend's 21-year-old daughter, who had a boyfriend who liked to sit up late and drink - alone - after she had gone to bed. I told her, "any man who would rather sit in the living room alone rather than get in the bed with you is a man who isn't good enough for you." She ditched him shortly after that.

    ReplyDelete
  191. JennOfArk8:40 PM

    Because Gawd knows that us menfolk certainly can't be trusted to not stick our dicks in every wet hole that's handy, amirite? ;)



    Funny you should say that, because I've long believed that the basis for most homophobic men's homophobia is the knowledge or fear that they would get off by sticking it in any warm, dark hole, regardless of the gender of the owner. Which of course would totally make them gay.

    ReplyDelete
  192. AngryWarthogBreath8:53 PM

    I wonder what his name will be next thread. He's stopped being entertaining, anyway; I've seen his whole act and it doesn't reward multiple viewings. Maybe the next guy can go for something a little more complicated. As long as one sets up a plot element of one's later trolling in one's early trolling, one can keep things fresh for at least one second viewing.

    ReplyDelete
  193. Excuse me? Are you really still stalking me big boi? I got to tell you, Amanda Marcotte and you are a match made in heaven, cowboi

    ReplyDelete
  194. OY it's so HUMID sweetheart. I am OY HUMIDITY honey buns

    ReplyDelete
  195. Tehanu9:32 PM

    I love the constant repetition of "get a job." Apparently the built-in nature of unemployment in a "capitalist" economy has escaped this genius. What is the correct punishment for your "bad choice" of getting laid off by a looter named Romney who sends your job to a third world sweatshop, I wonder? An hour (would feel like a lifetime) of listening to this asshole rant about how he knows exactly how to solve all social problems by turning people into slaves?

    ReplyDelete
  196. True that. We need a Jewish revolution. Screw those other people

    ReplyDelete
  197. How about you just get a job and stop sucking on the states nipples?

    ReplyDelete
  198. It's most likely because you are a loose canon droidite

    ReplyDelete
  199. Do you work/ have a job or just sit on blogs all day with Dark Avenger and His wanna be lover Ms "fat pig" Amanda Marcotte?

    ReplyDelete
  200. Get a life loser. OY baby OY

    ReplyDelete