Thursday, January 17, 2013

THE CONSERVATIVE COMEBACK, PART 34,282.

Daniel Henninger at the Wall Street Journal:
Where Is the GOP's Jay Carney?
Wait... don't tell me...
Republicans need a party spokesman who is smart, articulate, credible and TV-savvy.
Yes -- remind us all of when we fell in love with Marlin Fitzwater!
The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation. On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth, and it wants to be the party of government reform.
So the problem couldn't possibly have anything to do with that.
The Republicans need a lamplighter out front every day—a smart, articulate, credible and TV-savvy party spokesman. OK, spokesperson. A Mary Matalin or a Kevin Madden.
I predict that in a couple of weeks Henninger will demand Republicans hire a charismatic, foul-mouthed dwarf to follow Reince Priebus around.

93 comments:

  1. The_Kenosha_Kid11:30 PM

    "We gotta get us some of that reform!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Spaghetti Lee11:54 PM

    This style-over-substance thing on the right is pathological. They're convinced down to the last one they don't need to change their policy or message. All they need is some cheeky young thing who can deliver that message with a grin, and the world will be theirs.


    Look, GOP, you've already got an abundance of people, at Fox News and the like, who can't do much but prevent terrifying ideas with a smile and a wink. It's one of your few strengths actually. Hasn't done you much good so far.

    ReplyDelete
  3. commie atheist12:03 AM

    "The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation. On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth..."


    Sorry, Dan, but being unified in the cause of growing the wealth of people who already wealthy isn't really as popular as it once was.


    "...and it wants to be the party of government reform."



    Likewise, reforming (downward) the amount of benefits given to retirees and the poors may not be the path to electoral success. Just a thought.

    ReplyDelete
  4. commie atheist12:06 AM

    Just need to cut 'n' paste this for its awesomeness:

    "To those who only heard him on albums or saw him on stage, Joe C. — who died Thursday night in his sleep — was the animated, foul-mouthed foil in Kid Rock’s Twisted Brown Trucker band.

    The nimble rapper and spirited prankster stood just 3 feet, 9 inches, and was as forceful a personality as pop music had to offer.

    To his bandmates, however, there were far more dimensions to Joe C.’s character. “Spiritually, he was on a different plane, the way he touched everyone’s life,” says guitarist Kenny Olson, who shared hotel rooms with C. when the band was on tour and slept in the bunk above him on the tour bus."

    ReplyDelete
  5. DocAmazing12:15 AM

    At this point, they're shooting less for Jay Carney than Art Carney.

    ReplyDelete
  6. cubist12:21 AM

    I was certain Roy was talking about Rahm Emanuel.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Does this Daniel Henninger entity know any actual humans?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Tehanu12:29 AM

    None of them do, actually. Or ARE humans, as far as that goes.

    ReplyDelete
  9. pukebot12:36 AM

    Mary Matalin!? If only she could get on the tee vee. Ya that's what will do it, another alum faced beady eyed republican spartanatrix. You know, someone who can convince the "wetbacks" to vote for Jeb Bush because he can order two eggs in Spanish.

    ReplyDelete
  10. AGoodQuestion12:38 AM

    ...which they won't get. Art Linkletter, on the other hand? They had the real thing, so a contemporary equivalent may be in their grasp.

    ReplyDelete
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  12. Maybe a little guy with a broom?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Armstrong's Free Testicle1:13 AM

    "The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation. On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth, and it wants to be the party of government reform."

    *wipes wine off monitor*

    ReplyDelete
  14. 'Twas ever thus. When Republican policies don't work they always just need someone to explain them better, and preferably an attractive someone who looks like they are from a 1950’s family sitcom. A Hinderaker, perhaps, who can take a moment from examining the kerning on his gas bill to lovingly explain to us that George Bush is "a man of extraordinary vision approaching to genius" - so we shouldn't worry that the Iraq war is a meat-grinding clusterfuck. He's got it covered.

    Or a Victim Davis Hamster, who famously wrote in that piece that Bush "just needs to explain his policies better." Curious that an entire Republican administration, party, and media complex was apparently failing to explain said policies in a way that made them sensical or satisfactory to the American public, including Hansen himself. They never entertain the possibility that maybe crazy, ineffectual policies are just crazy and ineffectual. That's that's movement conservatism for ya.

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  15. Well, sadly, they are. Human, I mean. They just seem seem incapable of acting on better instincts. Or listening to reason. Their limbic systems must be already digested oatmeal.

    ReplyDelete
  16. "The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a
    generation. On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever
    around growth, and it wants to be the party of government reform."


    In the wrongness, Henninger isn't just going for gold, he's going for Kristol.

    ReplyDelete
  17. smut clyde2:15 AM

    The Republicans need a lamplighter out front every day

    Some places are using this new-fangled Edison-Westinghouse electric lighting.

    ReplyDelete
  18. glennisw2:42 AM

    On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth,


    Growth? Growth? Growing bigger assholes, maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  19. You know which other party was unified around growth.

    ReplyDelete
  20. My first thought on reading the link was that the article was some meta-prank obituary for a cartoon character, gorillaz style. Only knowing who Kid Rock is by reputation, I was momentarily misled by the "animated Dwarf" description.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Libruhls say the darndest things!

    ReplyDelete
  22. No, see, you need to invest in lamplighting companies, 'cause after Confederate Yankee and Gang unplug the National Grid and save wingnut America from kooky libruhls who want to stop violence, gas lamps are going to be the new iPods.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Joking aside, this is the core problem with wingnuts...the believe that a Unified Nation is the best way to govern. He doesn't mean "unified" in a vague political way, he probably means it the way all wingnuts mean it--a nation under a single party rule.


    Even when they disagree completely with Republicans (or Democrats), normal people in a democracy understand the need for varied opinions and perspectives. Often, those folks most adamantly confident in their Rightness are proved wrong by history, so the idea is to hear voices of dissent and rationally weigh different solutions to problems before charging ahead. It's how adults are supposed to work.


    But wingnuts really, really do not get Democracy, and never will.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Doghouse Riley7:24 AM

    They lucked out with Ronald Reagan, the amiable dunce. Thanks to their efforts in the interim they now have to recreate that minus the amiability.

    ReplyDelete
  25. BigHank537:59 AM

    It's going to be...interesting...when the debt limit vote comes up. The true believers hate the poors and olds so much they're willing to drive the government into a bridge abutment. That whole 'growth' thing may be a tad harder to pull off when interest rates spike and the dollar is devalued. We'll if Wall Street makes that clear to the idiots, and (lucky us) we'll also get to see if the 27% has forgotten all about it by 2014.

    ReplyDelete
  26. redoubt8:00 AM

    Republican "growth" = a preexisting condition that's not covered by insurance democracy.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Derelict8:35 AM

    Once again believing the problem is the packaging and not the shit sandwich inside the wrapper.


    I had forgotten about Marlin Fitzwater. But there have been soooooo many fabulous fabulists who worked for Republican presidents. Who could forget Scott McClellan (who finally quit because the tidal wave of bullshit Bush was forcing him to defend every day simply became too much)? Or Tony Snow, who went from Fox News to White House spokesman and found the only difference in his work was a different commute?

    ReplyDelete
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  29. tigrismus9:12 AM

    The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation.


    I'm guessing he's a bacteriologist?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Who needs Jay Carney when you've got Jennifer (Jenghazi) Rubin?
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  31. what about a happy clown?

    ReplyDelete
  32. zencomix10:24 AM

    "The Republicans' congressional leadership and Mr. Obama's nominal opponents, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker John Boehner floated deep down in the stories in thin paragraphs, like presidential pilot fish."



    They're floaters, all right.

    ReplyDelete
  33. BigHank5310:36 AM

    Oh, they get democracy, all right, and they want nothing to do with any such thing.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Where Is the GOP's Jay Carney?


    He's over there, his name is Jay Carney.

    ReplyDelete
  35. BigHank5310:37 AM

    Growing bigger assholes, maybe.

    Insert goatse joke here.

    ReplyDelete
  36. tigrismus10:39 AM

    "floated deep down"?

    ReplyDelete
  37. They had their best shot with Dana Perino, and look how well that turned out. They just can't seem to find that happy middle ground between terrifying ideas presented with a smile and a wink, and outright drama queenery.

    ReplyDelete
  38. "The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation."


    Yes, Danny Boy, and that is a large part of your problem.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I think he has a weird fetish for insane asylums. and he's trying to up-talk the inmates

    ReplyDelete
  40. Hear that, K-Lo?

    ReplyDelete
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  42. montag211:30 AM

    One does have to account for the source--this is on the WSJ editorial page, a known haven for political asylum escapees and economic witch doctors.


    Still, it's remarkable to consider the current wrecking crew as the "best in a generation." "Best at what?" isn't even a question worth pondering, because it's not the correct appellation. Only once we rejigger it to "worst in a generation" can we figure out what Henninger truly means. The willingness to use the debt ceiling to cripple the government recalls Newticles' temper tantrum from not quite a generation ago. The emphasis on "growth," of course, recalls the major financial bubbles blown (and blown up) in the last twenty years (well, it can be the only explanation in the midst of policy proposals which will bludgeon the average person with forced austerity). The drooling desire for "reform," is merely ancient code for destroying the remnants of the New Deal, a perennial goal of the Wall Street Objectivists.


    If Henninger is genuinely looking for some truth-in-advertising, honest broker for the Republican contingent in this Congress, Allen West is available.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Mr. Wonderful11:46 AM

    I want to award this comment a lifetime supply of Kimberly-Scott products and three rooms of wall to wall carpeting from the Looms of Mohawk.

    ReplyDelete
  44. First they laugh at you...etc...etc..etc...
    You know the dire quality of the situation has finally sunk in when they assign to the Kenyan Usurper's minions superhuman powers.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Mr. Wonderful11:55 AM

    My bet is he (thinks he) is using it in the John LeCarre sense. Lamplighters are advance men, essentially--they provide surveillance and are couriers. Which is to say, they're not press secretaries or spokespersons. Yes, I'm suggesting that an op-ed writer for the Wall St. Journal is talking out of his ass. Deal with it.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I love you guys.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Mr. Wonderful11:57 AM

    Baby steps, baby steps.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Mr. Wonderful12:09 PM

    "The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation."


    Yes, openly obstructionist, paralyzed by teatardist know-nothings, routinely embarrassed by the supremely idiotic pronouncements of its members, brain-dead to the point of requiring instruction when it comes to "talking" to "women," barely concealed in its racist loathing of the President, farcical in its amnesiac disclaiming of the previous president and the policies for which they cheered barely six years ago...


    Is this column another installment of the Big Lie, or just the latest frothing of one more GOP loon? You make the call!

    ReplyDelete
  49. KatWillow12:29 PM

    Its hard to present a philosophy based on Fear and Rage as "attractive" to sane people.

    ReplyDelete
  50. KatWillow12:30 PM

    Sometimes conservatives appear to do well in a Crisis- so they'll manufacture a crisis, by God!

    ReplyDelete
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  52. Jay B.12:31 PM

    "Mary Matalin"


    If only she were alive!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Ah, yes. That fresh-faced young scamp, Mary Matalin.

    ReplyDelete
  54. They have no better instincts.

    ReplyDelete
  55. redoubt12:51 PM

    "Lamplighters"? More like gaslighters.
    And the rest of us? Gastarbeiter.

    ReplyDelete
  56. BigHank5312:53 PM

    Examining Henninger's statement in light of what the Journal's editorial board wants will show the GOP house as the "best in a generation."


    upper income tax cuts--check
    a more regressive tax structure--check
    defense pork--check
    killing the New Deal--check
    less SEC regulation--check
    less EPA regulation--check


    Who cares how bad some of these policies might be for the average American or the future health of the economy? The WSJ editorial board has to hit its numbers.

    ReplyDelete
  57. marindenver1:00 PM

    "a smart, articulate, credible and TV-savvy party spokesman. OK, spokesperson. A Mary Matalin"


    Wow, SOMEONE hasn't seen La Matalin on the teevees lately. On the plus side they could probably get her to do it for Stoli.

    ReplyDelete
  58. montag21:07 PM

    I see Matalin as Carville's penance for promoting triangulation as a strategy.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Hey, Mary Matalin is down with the youth! She likes to listen to the Skrill-Ex while using her Tweeter. She's hip to the street, yo!

    ReplyDelete
  60. wileywitch1:20 PM

    Must have been in some heavy shit.

    ReplyDelete
  61. "The current Republican class in both houses may be the best in a generation."

    This is the worst thing I have ever heard anyone say about the Republican party.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Spaghetti Lee1:32 PM

    Finally, my love of steampunk will pay off!

    ReplyDelete
  63. Derelict1:54 PM

    We look at Henninger's column--and a whole bunch of other "The GOP is teh greatest evar!!11!!!" scribblings and we're astounded at the apparent disconnect from reality.


    But the fact of the matter is that there are literally millions of our fellow citizens who believe what they're told DESPITE the proof before their own eyes. Consider supermarkets. There are now essentially two types of supermarket--those with member or "discount" cards and those without. If you look at the actual prices being charged in each type, you'll find that the ones with the cards start with prices that are typically 30- to 200% higher than their non-card counterparts. (Classic example: Hagen Daz single-serving cup is $1.00 at non-card supermarket, $1.50 at member-card supermarket but they'll cut 10cents off the price if you have the card.)


    Despite the plainly obvious price gouging, patrons of the member-card supermarkets are convinced that they're saving a bundle because at the end of every purchase the cashier tells them "You saved $XX!"


    So Henninger calling the current criminal crop "the best in a generation" is exactly the same kind of marketing ploy. Anybody with eyes, ears and three functioning brain cells should be able to see this is complete nonsense. Yet, millions will read it and nod along.

    ReplyDelete
  64. So close - just two letters off.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Another Kiwi3:54 PM

    "Fresh face young scam" FTFY

    ReplyDelete
  66. Another Kiwi3:55 PM

    we're astounded at the apparent disconnect from reality.
    There's your first mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Another Kiwi4:04 PM

    Well, well, well. I see that the republicans are in two houses, like The Moon between two houses a mexican puppet company!!! Wake up sheeple, unplug their power cords!!!

    ReplyDelete
  68. Another Kiwi4:09 PM

    But, but, when Sarah winked!!

    ReplyDelete
  69. Another Kiwi4:12 PM

    I would like to stand at the front of the Titanic with this comment and then fake my death because it gets boring and I can go back to being a rent boy in Old London Town.

    ReplyDelete
  70. casino implosion4:12 PM

    I guess it must be some new hack-MBA buzzspeek like "rainmaker", but didn't "lamplighter" used to mean "John LeCarre assassin"?

    ReplyDelete
  71. smut clyde4:15 PM

    They are going through the motions.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Gah. I dont want to know anything about Mary Matalin's tweeter.

    ReplyDelete
  73. I starbursted all over myself, AK. Don't tell anyone.

    ReplyDelete
  74. BigHank534:49 PM

    I'd like to provide this comment with a handful of Wet Wipes and a big, fluffy towel.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Jay B.5:00 PM

    Oh, by the way, this is the best thing in history (see image)

    ReplyDelete
  76. TGuerrant6:17 PM

    Patricia Heaton. Well? Who else is left?

    ReplyDelete
  77. If Baby Jeebus really loves me, the dwarf they hire will in fact be Tyrion Lannister.

    ReplyDelete
  78. No, the scalphunters were the assassins. The lamplighters were the advance men.

    ReplyDelete
  79. mrstilton1:52 AM

    Gastarbeit macht frei.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard2:51 AM

    Where Is the GOP's Jay Carney?
    Standing in an unemployment line.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard2:53 AM

    Republicans need a party spokesman who is smart, articulate, credible and TV-savvy.
    Sorry, you can't have a smart, articulate spokesman when your policies are dumb and incoherent.

    On economic policy, the party is more unified than ever around growth
    He's missing an indefinite article here- I leave it to you good people to figure out where.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard3:05 AM

    They are the People of the Amygdala.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard3:06 AM

    Of course, you know that "dos huevos" has another meaning...

    ReplyDelete
  84. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard3:08 AM

    In other word, they are propaganda pushers.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Sgaile-beairt11:05 AM

    ....i'm afraid peter dinklage is too busy, even if, he was willing....

    ReplyDelete
  86. Sgaile-beairt11:07 AM

    ....that....would explain a LOT about some people, of my acquaintaince....

    ReplyDelete
  87. Vince Vaughn, of course.

    ReplyDelete
  88. RHWombat4:38 AM

    On the contrary, people are germs

    ReplyDelete
  89. RHWombat4:43 AM

    ...you mean unified around a growth.

    ReplyDelete
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