Monday, December 10, 2012

THE TRUTH REVEALED! You heard that Obama has to take the Second Inaugural Oath on January 20, but it's Sunday this year so he's doing a private oath then and a public oath on Monday, right? OK then --  Alana Goodman, Commentary:
Politico reports that Obama’s second inaugural oath for the “most transparent administration in history” might be administered privately, without any media present... 
...Obama hasn’t exactly followed through on his vow to run a more transparent administration. It’s about time the press finally started calling him out on it. Maybe now that he’s won reelection the media will actually do its job and report critically on his presidency. At the very least this is a sign he’s not going to get the kid-gloves treatment he had during the election season.
Would you be surprised to learn Goodman's not the only nutcake making a thing out of this?

Andrew Malcolm, IBD: "So Obama, who promised once to have the most open administration in history, will take the presidential oath in private on Sunday, Jan. 20."

Michael Fletcher, Bearing Drift: "Conspiracy or not, it’s quite odd that the 'most transparent administration in history (TM)' doesn’t want the country to see the second term begin."

Rick Moran, American Thinker: "Maybe Obama wants it private because he wants to be sworn in using the Koran. Perhaps he's changed the oath, taking out 'faithfully' ('execute the office') and that last bit about preserving the Constitution... "

Dammit, Moran stole my joke! But thanks to my connections in the Administration I can at least show you the planned staging for the event:


It's just a rough; in the actual performance, Obama will trample the Constitution Gangnam Style.  And if you really want to see it, of course, they'll be showing it later on BET.

46 comments:

  1. Tehanu10:13 PM

    If he did take the oath in public on a Sunday, they'd pretend to be Anthony Trollope characters and screech about how he wasn't honoring the Sabbath. Or complain he was interrupting the football playoffs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Every time I see this, I can't help but think that James Madison is trying to catch a dump from President Obama.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Spaghetti Lee11:28 PM

    "OK guys, the phrase of the day is 'most transparent administration in history,' so make sure to put that front and center. What? What do you mean 'what if it doesn't sound right?' Do you want to stay on message or not, Steve?"

    ReplyDelete
  4. AGoodQuestion11:29 PM

    Congratulations to Alana Goodman, Andrew Malcolm, Michael Fletcher, and Rick Moron for cracking the code. Yes, as you've now realized, Obama will still be President. We godless liberals were trying to keep it a secret, but the large orders of bubblegum-flavored cocaine must have tipped you off.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Spaghetti Lee11:34 PM

    Haven't seen this masterwork before. The bug-eyes and exaggerated posture put me more in mind of Vizzini from The Princess Bride or someone like that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. JennOfArk11:58 PM

    I can totally see Roberts as a Brony, but Obama? I always figured him to be more of a SpongeBob fan.

    ReplyDelete
  7. BigHank5311:59 PM

    Really? I'm still trying to figure out who the schlub on the bench is supposed to be. I was thinking Everyman, but the defeated posture and the empty, sagging hands...James Taggart, Dagny's hopeless and helpless brother is a good candidate, but what the fuck is one of Rand's prime moochers doing here? What the hell kind of American is he anyway that he can't be bothered to grab some of that money lying right there in front of him?


    I guess this is what happens when you use magical thinking in your visual rhetoric, as well as your actual rhetoric.

    ReplyDelete
  8. hells littlest angel12:06 AM

    I'm sure it's one of the Romney boys.

    ReplyDelete
  9. JennOfArk12:08 AM

    Ah, a topic I've covered before...the wingnut Thomas Kinkade, Jon McNaughton. I'll bet he's shedding tears in many glowing, lurid colors because his portrait of Mitt Romney as president failed to fulfill the prophecy. I like the one where he shows all the white people in chains, while Obama laughs it up on stage like he's Richard Pryor or something, while Kim Jong Il and other dictators applaud. And also the other one, where Joe Teabagger (seen above in the tan Wal-Mart hooded parka) has wrested the Constitution from the hands of Black Hitler, while Antonin Scalia-as-James Madison kneels and prays and noted conservative John F. Kennedy joins the other founders, Lincoln, and Reagan in cheering on Joe Teabagger, while noted liberal George W. Bush shows his distress along with FDR, Bill Clinton, and other lowlifes. Who says allegory is gone from painting? Check out who McNaughton has placed to the right of Joe Teabagger, and who he's placed to his left. Dood is as subtle as an axe to the forehead.
    BTW, noted art expert Sean Hannity claims to be a collector of this hack's work. Just goes to show that the grift goes round and round on the right.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Fats Durston12:11 AM

    Slurry bar v. Madison?

    ReplyDelete
  11. hells littlest angel12:11 AM

    Relax, wingnuts. My sources tell me Obama will be reciting the Oath in essentially the standard form, with only some minor embellishments written for him by Samuel L Jackson.


    I do solemnly swear (or
    affirm) that I will faithfully execute the motherfucking Office of motherfucking President of the
    motherfucking United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and
    defend the motherfucking Constitution of the United States.

    ReplyDelete
  12. hells littlest angel12:11 AM

    Motherfucking carriage returns!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Spaghetti Lee12:20 AM

    That's also Chester A. Arthur (in office 1881-1885) in the back there on Team Evil President. Say what you will about these guys, but they can damn sure hold a grudge. Also, why is Team Evil President on the right side of the painting? A simple horizontal flip would have had them on the left, like they should be! Dammit, McNaughton, you were this close to immortality!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Budbear12:20 AM

    i'm just happy to see that FDR is up and walking about again. Since he seems to be applauding PBO's constitutional boogie (along with Teddy & the Clenis) I'm guessing treachery must cure polio. And what's with the pose Raygun is sharing with the three other guys from Mt. Rushmore (could they be more obvious?) They look like the fucking Four Tops at a doo-wop revival.
    Christ on a cracker! These people are truly deranged.

    ReplyDelete
  15. in the actual performance, Obama will trample the Constitution Gangnam Style.

    So what you gonna do about that, Hammer?

    ReplyDelete
  16. horatius12:34 AM

    Without the tricorner hats, the founding fathers just don't look all that impressive.

    ReplyDelete
  17. horatius12:37 AM

    He's a real American, aka a bible-thumping family values small government capitalist.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Pinko Punko1:20 AM

    Note that W is getting shifted over to the Commie side- and appears to not quite know what is going on. And also doesn't dejected whitey everyman look like he's on his way to an LL Bean shoot?

    ReplyDelete
  19. It's the angel Castiel, duh. The repub prezes (plus Old Hickory for some reason) are like "Dean. Sam. Don't let Barry dis Cas like this, for the love of Bobby!"

    ReplyDelete
  20. montag28:17 AM

    I suppose I could say something about the exercise of meager talent being just as much a waste of time as idleness, but, instead, I'll ask, why does Andy Jackson look like Keith Richards, and has Taft been on a Slim-Fast program in the afterlife?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Doghouse Riley8:26 AM

    That thing horribly mischaracterizes the positions of Presidents Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, Spiro Agnew, John Lindsay, and Wallace Shawn.

    ReplyDelete
  22. redoubt8:32 AM

    And he's sitting there, with money on the ground, waiting for someone else to come and pick it up and give it to him. (Because if he has to get off that bench, he becomes a "taker" instead of a "maker.")

    ReplyDelete
  23. redoubt8:35 AM

    James O'Keefe will sneak into the oval office the day of the event and disguise himself as a potted plant to avoid suspicion.
    If the guests get to pour their leftover cocktails onto his shoes at the inaugural ball, I'd be OK with that.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Halloween_Jack8:46 AM

    Sad Keanu, undercover. He wishes he hadn't taken the blue pill. (Blue, geddit? Huh? Huh?)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Halloween_Jack8:49 AM

    Is that Nixon in the background with a sadface? Because, you know, he'd never trample on the Constitution.

    ReplyDelete
  26. sharculese9:04 AM

    Yeah Rick, the oath of office is actually some straight up wizard shit, and if you don't properly trap barack obama within the Pentagram of Quaint Formality, it's gonna be oogedy-boogedy forever after.

    ReplyDelete
  27. "Ho! Slave! Never mind stopping that Constitution that this vagrant on the bench blew his nose on and threw away; why aren't you dragging him to a workhouse?"

    ReplyDelete
  28. Technically, it's permissible to do that any time.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hal Greene9:15 AM

    Hey, Jack, drop me a line at Hal@HalJayGreene.com. I have a little writing project I need help with (it's very small) if you or anyone you know is conversant in the language and lore of videogames (in other words, a geek). Otherwise, like your comments!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Perhaps the reason for a private ceremony is simply to take some of the pressure off of Chief Justice Roberts, who has already demonstrated that he could fuck up a baked potato.


    [What do you think of your secret Mamet code now, wingnuts?]

    ReplyDelete
  31. Aimai9:29 AM

    Maybe someone has pointed this out but his former oath never, technically, expired. His oath did not have a sell by date.

    ReplyDelete
  32. AngryWarthogBreath9:56 AM

    If he does say "faithfully", it will allow True Patriots to force him back into his genie lamp (shaped, naturally, like Kenya). But if he doesn't say "faithfully", the Oath of Office will endow him with the power to summon Roh Xi Vert's Ghost Army of Welfare Cheats. Says so right here in the Monstrous Manual.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Has anyone told these clowns that Reagan's 2nd inauguration occurred the same way? I'm not betting on any heads exploding, but I figure maybe that would be good for a couple nosebleeds.

    ReplyDelete
  34. bstraub11:04 AM

    I hate to be the one tossing a turd into the punchbowl -- and I certainly think complaining about a private swearing-in ceremony is stupid -- but the fact remains that the Obama White House has done a poor job of letting the sunshine in. From Freedom of Information Act requests to simple inquiries the administration has done a piss poor job -- certainly worse than claimed. At the same time, it's clear that the people carrying this message in the current situation are toads.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Ellis_Weiner11:57 AM

    I love this dreck. You can just see the artist, contemplating this and similar artistic art, fighting--thus far, successfully!--the urge to make his message even clearer with thought and speech balloons.

    ReplyDelete
  36. tigrismus12:19 PM

    You can always tell the great presidents by their jazz hands.

    ReplyDelete
  37. JennOfArk12:30 PM

    You've fallen into the trap, see. McNaughton places the lefties to the left from their own POV. Since they're facing the unfortunate viewer of this sad sack of shit, they appear to be on the viewer's right.
    I promise you, he put very deep thought into this. More than he put into anything else regarding the painting, in fact.

    ReplyDelete
  38. It might be fun to point out to some of these wingnuts that Ronald St. Reagan ALSO did his Second Inaugural Oath privately, on a Sunday, with the public oath to follow.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I think it's the lead singer from Matchbox Twenty. He's not feeling so smooth since Obama came to town.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Bitter Scribe4:27 PM

    How about "repurposed" cocktails?

    ReplyDelete
  41. Bitter Scribe4:33 PM

    I don't know about the Commie side, but him not knowing what is going on is at least accurate.

    ReplyDelete
  42. BigHank534:57 PM

    Now I need to find a bartender that can make a good Aqua Regia.

    ReplyDelete
  43. ColBatGuano7:28 PM

    Which side is JFK on? Are they trying to claim him while disavowing W and Nixon? I am very confused.

    ReplyDelete
  44. First rule of taking a secret oath is you don't tell anyone about the secret oath, right? Obama sure is bad at this conspiracy stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  45. shortstop12:14 PM

    And if he had had a big inauguration on the 20th, the right would be moaning about how his lack of commitment to Christianity shows his moral inferiority to Zachary Taylor.


    On a personal note, I'm kind of miffed that the festivities have been moved to Monday, when I have to work. I was looking forward to spending a comfy Sunday on the couch in front of the TV.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Damn it! Now that's in my head. Where's the brain bleach?

    ReplyDelete