Tuesday, December 04, 2012

GOIN' UP THE COUNTRY. I am indebted to Travis Gettys for pointing this out to me, and wondering how I missed it: a wingnut separatist housing project!
Patriots understand that an epic storm is coming to America.

Economic collapse is imminent. Disruptions of Just-in-Time supply lines will lead America into chaos. Violence along racial, ethnic, religious and economic class lines will bring forth famine, disease and a fundamental reset of life in America. 
A group of Patriots have decided to build a community off the most likely lines of peril, a bastion of Jefferson's Rightful Liberty where we may remain safe, warm, healthy and comfortable while American society suffers the inevitable destruction that must accompany the decades of degenerating morality of our Countrymen... 
The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access. The Citadel is not to be a closed society, instead a refuge for genuine Patriots who wish to live without neighbors who are Liberals and Establishment political ideologues, open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer.
 Takers (excuse me, makers) will have their choice of "a house, townhome or condo," located in the "mountains of Idaho." If you get involved now, you can help them design their coat of arms.

Cost? Aside from the blood of patriots, not mentioned. Nor have they claimed to own the land on which to build the project yet. The Citadel is being launched in part by proceeds from assault weapon sales, and by membership fees ("Your credit card will be billed monthly by PayPal"), but we're sure if you're interested they'll tell you how much gold bullion a place in the promised land will cost.

Also, how hardcore is this: The scheme wasn't inspired by the recent election. The site has a blog which suggests that they've been at it since September at least. Among the authors' musings:
The post below discusses the very real liklihood of refugee children who will come to our gates. Of course we will give as many sanctuary as possible. What of their adults? Perhaps Liberals who did not prepare and only in the Hell of civil war truly understand that their values are stupid? Do we accept their children and tell the parents to walk back toward Hell? I have no intention of sharing my bread with a stupid Liberal who is dying because of his/her stupidity. But his kid may be a different story...
'specially if she's good breeding stock for future patriot families. Now, what will social life be like at the Citadel?
We'll have some great pubs with local brews, walking and bicycle paths, a firing range you don't have to drive a half hour or more to get to. Maybe a hill with a rope tow for sliding down on inner tubes in the winter time. Militia training will also have a unifying social aspect to it.
Sounds kinda like a cross between Schlitterbahn and a jihad training camp.

Also, the proprietors will be outfitting only the exterior of the development, "so that each Citadel resident can control each and every detail of their home," raising the fascinating possibility of a Bauhaus survivalist compound. And while they "are NOT attempting to replace existing government or existing laws," their version of co-op board rules, The Patriot Agreement, is rather grand, described as a "plan to survive" that will "improve our chances of survival and minimize our need to involve 'outside authority' in our affairs." And their lobby security is a militia.

There's plenty more: One of the Citadel's founding fathers appears to be someone called Kerodin,  who is involved in a beef with a guy at Sipsey Street Irregulars, another lunatic group, and others. Internecine quarrels seem to be an indispensable part of such enterprises, and so far even survivalist board posters can't be counted on to support the project. In short, it's kind of like Bill Whittle's Wingnut Sky World, but with a much higher chance of a hostage situation. Clusterfuck fans and federal law enforcement agents, this is one to watch!


  1. I'll believe it when ONE wingnut, ONE, moves to one of these galt's gulches. We should be so lucky.

  2. Bmaccnm11:44 PM

    Damn, I just wasted 15 minutes at that site. They don't actually have any land yet, but the blog host/oberstamfurher asked the log truck driver guy if he knew where they might be able to buy some in Benewah County. The fence builder guy is all in to do the construction on the impermeable wall. His "wife-and-kids" will make stuff to sell at the farmers market. No word on who will grow stuff to sell at the farmers market, nor who will hold the acreage to feed 3-5,000 households. Is there a Patriot Safeway anywhere nearby? Lots of talk about the application process- do we need credit checks, what do we care about the AMerican legal system becatuse it's all going to crash, we don't need the nanny state anyway. Couple of arms sellers and a vodka distiller on board, and some folkish Odinists. Gosh. As a nanny state liberal taker, I can see they've got it all over me. I'd definitely walk to Idaho to beg at the fence gates when"TSHTF." Gosh

  3. Dont forget Almost Heaven.

  4. I move that as soon as this place is up and running, we start rumors that liberals are infiltrating the place undercover. Watch the patriots devour each other!

  5. Why, I'm a clusterfuck fan!

    How did you know?

  6. Huh. I have been urging the creation of libertarian reservations — they get to live apart from us and make their own rules and we don't have to listen to them anymore — but as pointed out already, there is nothing new about Idaho as the American waziristan.

  7. 3500 households. That's what, 15,000 people? That's one big citadel. Of course this is wingnut math, so more likely it'll be three households, a couple of trailers and lots of ammunition.

  8. I guess nobody told them that citadels became useless about the time that someone invented the cannon.

  9. Fats Durston12:11 AM

    Frid 26th Froze hard last night today clear & warm Wind S: E:
    blowing briskly Marthas jaw swelled with the toothache; hungry
    times in camp, plenty hides but the folks will not eat them we eat them
    with a tolerable good apetite. Thanks be to Almighty God. Amen Mrs
    Murphy said here yesterday that thought she would commence on Milt.
    & eat him. I dont that she has done so yet, it is distressing The
    Donno[r]s told the California folks that they commence to eat the dead
    people 4 days ago, if they did not succeed that day or next in finding
    their cattle then under ten or twelve feet of snow & did not know
    the spot or near it, I suppose they have done so ere this time.

  10. zombie rotten mcdonald12:16 AM

    Nice. All we have to do is lock the gate from the outside.

  11. I wonder where they expect to get their food after the collapse :) I guess they'll just take their guns and go rob people. Idaho is the hub of neo-nazis and survivalists. Too damn close to where I live on the other side of the border.

  12. Then set fire rto the place - a little chlorine for the gene pool as it were

  13. BigHank5312:22 AM

    Benewah County has, at best, a 90-day growing season. Hope you like taters.

    The absolute best line on that webpage? ...the Citadel is not being built...to withstand any .gov or .mil attack.

    Sweetheart, you can defend yourself from .gov and .mil attacks by unplugging the freakin' modem. I mean, really, how hard is that?

    It's goddamn Sea-malia all over again. I predict equal success, more's the pity.

  14. Roy:Sounds kinda like a cross between Schlitterbahn and a jihad training camp.

    The snarky brilliance of that comment cured me of my depression and resurrected my neighbor's dead cat. [crosses Zoloft from list of monthly expenses]

  15. they all want to be helicopter guy from mad max. funny, that is how i imagine them all looking.

  16. AGoodQuestion12:26 AM

    I have no intention of sharing my bread with a stupid Liberal who is dying because of his/her stupidity.

    If it comes to it, my stupidity and I will forage somewhere many miles away from you. Seriously, Brad Thor Fantasy Camp is not where I want to spend my apocalypse.

  17. Spudmalia? Citafail?

  18. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:53 AM

    I give it a month before it all goes "Lord of the Flies" in spectacular fashion.

  19. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:57 AM

    The post below discusses the very real liklihood of refugee children who will come to our gates. Of course we will give as many sanctuary as possible.

    They'll save children, but not the librul children.

  20. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:59 AM

    The grift must go on!

  21. montag212:59 AM

    I keep wondering about this guy's understanding of, well, math. Not calculus. The simple kind, like division. 5000 families in (at least) a thousand acres (which he mentions elsewhere). Let's say they're breeders against the coming black and Latino storm (yeah, fuck Doubthat, what does he know?), and they average four people per family. That's 0.05 acres per person, or... 2178 sq. ft. per person... without subtracting the space for that hill to play on in the winter, the firing range, the shopping center, or the manufacturing space to produce and sell those arms and that ammunition that's supposed to keep the enterprise afloat. Or parking for all those crew-cab 4x4s with gun racks. Or, uh, agriculture. Grazing? (They're gonna have all those guns, so, maybe they'll just sneak out the front gate and poach deer all winter.). Medical facilities? Including mental health wards (because you know 20,000 paranoid survivalist rednecks, all with more guns than is safe or prudent, cooped up all winter long with each other is not going to result in sweetness and light). Hell, are they gonna have their own water and sewage treatment plants, or is clean water just optional? Room for power production (because what's the point of walling one's self off from the world without going off the grid, too)?

    And, in order to do all that, well, wouldn't they have to, uh, tax everyone? (I guess it's okay by them to call the taxes "co-op fees.")

    But, it's good thing that they're doing it in Idaho, given that the state has the highest incidence of incest per capita in the nation. They would have to fit in with their new neighbors, and, hell, winters are pretty goddamned long in northern Idaho.

    I'm beginning to think that "Three percenter" means someone with 3% of average intelligence. If this yokel, Kerodin, gets this off the ground, it's virtually guaranteed to look like Gaza on a bad day within three years. And they won't have to worry about being bothered by "Liberals" or "Establishment Elite" crashing their party--they'll be laughing too hard.

  22. Spaghetti Lee1:01 AM

    tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, etc.

    Somehow, even when describing their plans for the collapse of society they manage to slip into marketing-speak.

  23. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:02 AM

    Just make sure the roads are all demolished- can't have them being coddled by Uncle Sam's highway system.

  24. Spaghetti Lee1:04 AM

    You didn't even mention the in-house ski lodge. Are they going to fit that into the agricultural acreage or just stage a hostile takeover of the nearest ski lift in the dead of night? If someone snaps their leg on the slopes, do they have to crawl back to headquarters to prove they deserve medical attention? So many questions!

  25. FMguru1:05 AM

    This is going to end up like every other Libertarian-tinged group project - someone is going to run away with all the money. It'll join the Liberty Ship, that effort to build a privately-financed border fence, and that project in Texas to buy up land in the lowest-populated county in the annals of Great Libertarian Ripoffs.

  26. Spaghetti Lee1:06 AM

    Too close to me as well, here in Missouri.

  27. FMguru1:08 AM

    Bruce Spence is one of our greatest living treasures and I won't hear a word spoken against him.

  28. montag21:12 AM

    Gotta admit, though--they know their target market, so to speak. They make it sound like Plimoth Plantation for the seriously disturbed.

  29. FMguru1:13 AM

    I see the marketing campaign for the new Bioshock sequel is up and running.

  30. Spaghetti Lee1:14 AM

    Heh-uh heh-uh heh-uh heh-uh heh-uh heh-uh heh-uh

  31. Formerly_Nom_De_Plume1:15 AM


  32. PulletSurprise1:37 AM

    Gunfire rings, won't you listen?
    Got some things to get your mitts in
    The world's gone to hell
    So in this citadel
    We're walkin' in a wingnut wonderland.

    In the fortress we can build a target
    And pretend that it's a librul clown
    We'll shoot up Obama's dummy
    'Til ATF comes to shut us down

    Over there, militia's drillin'
    Over here, some beers we're killin'

    Pay in gold for your stay
    The survivalist way
    Walkin' in a wingnut wonderlaaaaand...

  33. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:50 AM

    He's the thinking man's Paul Hogan.

  34. Spaghetti Lee1:50 AM

    The hilarious epilogue to the Texas thing: The three guys who spearheaded it were threatened with arrest by the county sheriff should they ever return to the county. Now that's small government at work!

  35. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:53 AM

    The funny thing is that they plan on having only one gate. That would make the place that much easier to "besiege". For a bunch of weapons obsessed militia cosplay freaks, they sure lack any understanding of actual strategery or tacticism.

  36. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard1:58 AM

    Every child attending Citadel schools, with parental discretion for maturity, shall have as part of every class semester a basic marksmanship and safety firearms curriculum (with attendance/training of/by the parent if so desired) leading to the proficiency test on the child's 13th birthday as a "Coming of Age" moment
    A Nutbar Mitzvah for boys, a Batshit Mitzvah for girls.

  37. montag22:05 AM

    I want to invite this comment over for a showing of "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome."

  38. zombie rotten mcdonald2:10 AM

    [ZRM grabs a handy soapbox]

    Y'see, the typical wingnut dismissal of professional experience is going to kneecap them pretty severely. A seasoned design professional would help them refine that whole idea in any number of ways...

    F'rinstance, the commenter who gets yiffy on ICF walls; insulated concrete form walls are only worthwhile for walls that enclose tempered space. For exterior fortress walls, kind of less.

    Of course, I am willing to help them with their planning and design....for a fee. I am, after all, a capitalist zombie architect.

    And my contract will include specific exemptions toward any warranty in the case of zompocalypse. Of course.

  39. zombie rotten mcdonald2:12 AM

    They actually said they would take in children of liberal parents (I presume if they begged satisfactorily, or if they pledged themselves to indenture) but the parents would be turned away. Weeping, of course.

  40. zombie rotten mcdonald2:13 AM


  41. zombie rotten mcdonald2:13 AM

    You're generous. With that many guns? First time they disagree on which football game to watch.

  42. zombie rotten mcdonald2:16 AM


  43. zombie rotten mcdonald2:18 AM

    Based on the people who will respond, it is likely to be one household= one person.

    I am tempted to start the application process, if I don't have to send them money.

  44. zombie rotten mcdonald2:19 AM

    Personally, I would visit a decent museum quality Plimmith Plantation for the Twisted.

  45. zombie rotten mcdonald2:20 AM

    Math is a liberal conspiracy, and Nate Silver is the Math Jew Hitler.

  46. Another Kiwi2:21 AM

    You don't mean Bruce Spence from New Zealand http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Spence by any chance?

  47. zombie rotten mcdonald2:22 AM

    the best thing about it is that someone thinks ONE GATE is a good idea. LOL. As an architect, I can give you Chapter and Verse on the many times EVERYONE HAS DIED when there is only one exit available.

  48. Tehanu2:26 AM

    Wonderful ! A shiny Internet for you, sir or madam!

  49. zombie rotten mcdonald2:29 AM

    At which point that whole "One Gate" thing again becomes kind of an ass-biter.

    Seriously, they claim to be based on historical ideas, but they kind of ignore the whole thing about medieval fortified cities having multiple points of entry/exit?

    Also, for medieval cities to work, the elite and business class were protected inside the walls, while the worker/farmers/cannon fodder were outside the walls. I wonder who they think will populate those outside-the-wall spots?

  50. montag22:30 AM

    With the amount of land they've set aside for agriculture (apparently, none), I suspect that there's going to be some dependency on the loaves and fishes parable.

    Still, it would be funny as hell if they ended up having to be fed by a bunch of liberal hippie organic farmers.

  51. zombie rotten mcdonald2:31 AM

    yeah, this kind of tripped my pedant trigger. And I am not that deep in my knowledge of fortified city urban planning.

    To sum up: Ho ho ho! Let us know how that works out for you.

  52. zombie rotten mcdonald2:31 AM

    I larfed.

  53. Another Kiwi2:32 AM

    So there's no mention of vegetable growing, animal production, power or water. That seems to cover most things.
    The Citadel is kinda nondescript for a name how about Roanoke?

  54. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard2:38 AM

    Whoa, I didn't know he was one of those Tasman Sea crossing types.

  55. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard2:39 AM

    Libertarians are notoriously stingy about sharing their catamites.

  56. zombie rotten mcdonald2:41 AM

    Yeah, it's not like they're Catholic priests.

  57. Another Kiwi2:46 AM

    One cannot blame them for wanting to not starve for their art and, frankly, those with the get up and go...

  58. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard2:46 AM

    The real question is, how do we set that Sipsey Street asshole against this Kerodin asshole? Maybe he'll encourage The Popular Front of 'Bagistan to break the Citadel windows.
    We can turn this into a Cadmus chucks a rock moment.

  59. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard2:56 AM

    I think I will submit an application stating that I manufacture sporting goods, and that I plan on opening up a factory- Benewah Balls, LLC.

  60. montag23:25 AM

    It's good fun to poke (because there's almost as much planning gone into this as Bush did for his war against Iraq), but, still and all, what manner of person sees the collapse of society as a good thing?

    Yes, there's the presumption on the part of this collection of gun-toting gomers that they'll prevail against all odds because they luvs them some guns, but, even that is a fantasy gone gangrenous.

    I just can't escape the feeling that this is the protracted daydream of a middle-aged, pot-bellied, misanthropic failure who tried to build a treehouse as a kid and never got past nailing in the first rung. Now, instead of "No Gurls," his sign will read, "No Libruls. No Gummint. We Got Guns."

    This is a guy who still thinks Ruby Ridge and Waco were good advertising.

    I dunno, maybe this is the whackjob survivalist equivalent of 'hold mah beer... and watch this!" Or the libertarian version of "Send Ten Dollars and Know the Secrets of the Universe!" Or just some suburban escapist fantasy gone mushy and moldy.

    Whatever it is, it doesn't strike me as having any respect for reality.

  61. MatthewMikell3:46 AM

    shop for the groceries
    sugar snap peas
    snap them peas
    pull ‘em off the shelf
    get ‘em in a can
    stock ‘em in the pantry
    stock ‘em up right
    tell the world about it
    let ‘em all hear
    race war’s a-comin’
    gotta have provisions
    enemy sighted
    load up the slingshot, slingshot, slingshot, slingshot, fire!


  62. I thought they already had this, in Orange County.

    (Although it has more money and less survivalist paranoia.)

    This could sorta become Douglas Adams' Ark B (earthbound version), if only it moved past the incompetent grift stage.

  63. Now we know how "Fats" got his name...

    Obligatory Donner Party Conservatism link:


  64. smut clyde4:26 AM

    some folkish Odinists.
    White supremacists, then.

  65. smut clyde4:31 AM

    A single gate was GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE GARDEN OF EDEN. Sir.

  66. smut clyde4:34 AM

    "Save" here is a general term that covers "cure", "air-dry" and "pickle".

  67. smut clyde4:35 AM

    Will there be concealed cameras? Best reality TV show EVAH.

  68. Malignant Bouffant4:44 AM

    The Republic of Texas, then.

    Three other members of his so-called Republic of Texas also laid down their arms--nearly a dozen rifles and hundreds of rounds of ammunition--piling them around a flagpole outside the ramshackle trailer that served as their "embassy." Later, police found an arsenal of pipe bombs and other explosives.

  69. montag24:49 AM

    I just hope there's some documentary filmmaker out there who's eager to record this effort for posterity. It would be like a mash-up of "Blood in the Face," "Jesus Camp" and "The Producers."

  70. Malignant Bouffant4:51 AM

    "Three percenter" reminds me of when "1%" meant motorcycle hoodlums, not wealthy hoodlums.

  71. Malignant Bouffant4:53 AM

    I'm glad someone else made that joke.

  72. mortimer5:48 AM

    Since these are the nuttiest of paranoid gun nuts, all it will take is the suspicion that the entire project is a ruse by the ATF to round them all up into one place -- one nut's gated community is another nut's federal prison -- for this thing to remain a lunatic fantasy. I suspect 3% refers to their meager capability for rational thought since the other 97% of their brains is occupied with guns and killing people.

  73. It's really a shame that such an enterprise is only a fantasy. I would SO love to see one actually get established and run long enough to get a couple of seasons of reality tv in the can.

    Not only would this provide some of the best entertainment in years, but it could serve as educational material for future generations.

  74. "Alright, we got us plenty of guards and wall patrol now, guys. C'mon, we need some ditchdiggers and garbage collectors. Who can we count on? Anyone? There's gotta be some Patriots here who want to grow some food."

    "I'll GUARD the fields."

    "WE DON'T NEED ANYMORE GODDAMN GUARDS, HULON! We NEED some folks to do the work."


    "Why don't we go out and gather up some stoopid libruhl civil war refugees and put THEM to work."

    "Hmmmm...well, we'd need more guards for that, I suppose."


  75. And me here on Planet Earth

  76. Someone not me HAS to make a music video of this.

  77. That way, if family members show any signs of libruhl infection, the kids can "put 'em down."

    This whole idea seems like some redneck had himself a green day watching all 3 seasons of Walking Dead back-to-back.

  78. satch7:23 AM

    Don't worry, the United States may crash, but PayPal, founded by libertarian entrepreneur Elon Musk, will survive. Hmm... I wonder if PayPal will accept agricultural barter after the collapse...

  79. Croatoan

  80. Fucking "Popular Front of 'Bagistan"...we're the 'Bagistan Popular Front!

  81. satch7:32 AM

    A jihad training camp is NOT a jihad training camp without monkey bars! There WILL be monkey bars, right? Right?

  82. Mostly all that, but I gotta believe that somewhere behind the scenes it's simply pure grift.

    There's LOTS of money to be made from these terrified simpletons...Corporate America has been doing it for generations. "Keep 'em stupid and scared." The general American public is treated like a stocked trout pond in the backyard, and liberals are just the fish who are smart enough not to take the bait every time it's thrown in the water.

  83. BigHank537:56 AM

    And what salaries they will work for. "Protection" is a harder sell in a country with more guns than people, and if the shit really hits the fan, many times more guns than people.

  84. Halloween_Jack7:57 AM

    Plus, of course, all the other survivalist/white supremacist groups that end up in Idaho, who will probably treat the newcomers in exactly the sort of warm, welcoming fashion that you'd expect from paranoid, racist gun nuts. I hate to admit that I've read a Jack Reacher book, but one of the early ones has a scenario frighteningly similar to this, in which one group simply assimilates several others.

  85. Halloween_Jack8:02 AM

    Couple of arms sellers and a vodka distiller on board

    What could possibly go wrong?

  86. redoubt8:03 AM

    Given what happened the last time a bunch of right-wingers launched a project named "Citadel" I'm pretty sure this one will be just as successful.

  87. BigHank538:04 AM

    Given the organizational talents of most survivalists (good on individual projects, but people rooting for the collapse of civilization are not the best choices for inspired leadership of utopian* societies) this project won't get off the ground for about 350 years.

    *Check out the history of utopian communities sometime. Shorter version: keep an eye peeled for Jim Jones, 'cause he's everywhere.

  88. BigHank538:18 AM

    Many, many years ago I remember reading an article in a gun-fetish magazine. These guys had somehow gotten hold of a 7.62mm Minigun, that thing with the rotating barrels that fires 60 rounds a second or something ridiculous like that. So they're playing with the thing out in the Arizona desert and they rig up a mount to clamp it to the handlebars of an ATV. Turns out you can only fire 1-second bursts as the recoil tends to pick up the front end...

    Anyway, they admit as to how the thing is totally impractical and a joke but wouldn't it be really cool to roll up to the front gate of some bad guy's stronghold with this thing?

    And that's pretty much when I realized how many of the gun magazines were, in fact, stroke mags. People who are serious about survival get seed catalogs and back issues of Mother Earth News. People who like guns buy some guns and either hunt or target shoot with them. People who use guns as a crutch for their power fantasies have serious compensation issues. Like, serious.

  89. LittlePig8:22 AM

    I wonder who they think will populate those outside-the-wall spots?

    Giving "beyond the pale" a whole new meaning...

  90. PulletSurprise8:25 AM

    One does recall that it's a mere 3 hour trip through the beautiful Coeur D'Alene to Ruby Ridge. Maybe they can do day trips to the Weaver Compound as part of their wacko-tourism offer.

  91. Thomas8:30 AM

    Bicycle paths?!?!? This is obviously a trap devised by the UN as part of Agenda 21.

  92. "down here it's our time. it's our time, down here."


  93. "down here it's our time. it's our time, down here."

  94. Halloween_Jack8:36 AM

    The number of features they want to cram into this square mile are staggering:

    III Arms Factory Curtain Wall & Towers

    Main Gate John Parker Town Green
    Town Hall Community Armory
    Citadel Firearms Museum Farmer's Market
    Medical Center Retirement Facility
    Citadel Schools Boarding School
    Library Tourist Visitor Center
    Town Center - Retail/Commercial Houses/Townhomes/Condos
    Canals Lake/Ponds
    Firearms Ranges Archery Range
    Sports Fields Hotel
    III Bank Churches
    Power Plant Underground Shelter
    Post Office Fire House Stockade/Jail Grounds Building
    Biomass Plant Walking Trails Orchards/Gardens/Parks Outdoor Pavilions
    Large Amphitheatre Command & Control Center
    Media Center Airstrip

    Helipad Shuttle System
    Parking Center

    I think that "Post Office" is the one that slays me; where are you going to send mail to? (They obviously wouldn't send anything through the gummint mail.) It's like their "town planner" is someone who's played the Civilization games a lot. And, of course, there's the question of where they're going to get their food, not to mention the raw materials to build all those guns and ammo. Maybe they're kind of hoping that the liberals will show up so that they can demand peasant labor in exchange for shelter for their kids?

    You are all smart people. Your brain has already connected many dots.

    You bet, chief.

  95. PulletSurprise8:39 AM

    Lake Wobetide.

  96. roy, have you seen this?

  97. wileywitch8:41 AM

    And logistics.

    It's doubtful they could manage a taco stand and certainly can't manage their feelings. Defending their stupid ideas with guns is probably making them feel worse as they go spiraling into a negative feedback loop. These people are dizzy and are operating at a twelve year-old mentality.

  98. Adrian8:48 AM

    There's a gated community in the suburbs of Dallas with just 60 homes and one gate and it's ridiculously inconvenient.

  99. Malaclypse8:49 AM

    Well, technically, that was the old meaning.

  100. Adrian8:49 AM

    The Donner Party 2.0.

  101. There's already a survivalist compound in Idaho. It's called "Idaho."

  102. montag28:58 AM

    Well, they're trying to cram everything else but a Minuteman III complex in there, so, why not monkey bars, too?

  103. Patriots understand that an epic storm is coming to America.

    Well, we certainly hope so, but the results from the latest election were mixed. Still, someday...

    Economic collapse is imminent.

    Relentlessly hound your Republican member of Congress, then, and tell ver to stop playing reverse Russian roulette with the full faith and credit of the United States.

    Disruptions of Just-in-Time supply lines will lead America into chaos.

    While I too found some interesting ideas in A Deepness in the Sky, Vernor Vinge's degree is in computer science, not economics.

    Violence along racial, ethnic, religious and economic class lines will bring forth famine, disease and a fundamental reset of life in America.

    Yeah, the one percent have had it in for the rest of us for a while now, and their tools have included white nativism and viciously reactionary Christianity. But I'm not sure if the consequences are as dire as you ... Wait, is that drool?

    A group of Patriots have decided to build a community off the most likely lines of peril

    Stuck out in the middle of tax-mooching Upper Bumfuck, then?

    a bastion of Jefferson's Rightful Liberty

    Jefferson, eh? See, this could be considered what we Jefferson-aware folks call a "tell."

    where we may remain safe, warm, healthy and comfortable while American society suffers the inevitable destruction that must accompany the
    decades of degenerating morality of our Countrymen...

    So, you're going to dig in someplace with your firearms and your other prized possessions and gleefully let millions of your fellow Americans die horribly? Please, lecture me some more about "degenerating morality."

  104. Rugosa9:03 AM

    I'm a community gardener - it's hard enough to get 50 mild-mannered granolaheads to get along. How do they think they're going to organize a community of 20,000* gun nuts who don't believe in government?

    *using montag's numbers

  105. The Citadel doesn't hold a candle to The Federated Commonwealth of Malatora. Citadel might have a tubin' hill, but Malatora has cyborg dragons.

  106. The Citadel doesn't stand a chance in the face of the Federated Commonwealth of Malatora. Citadel might have a tubin' hill, a firearms museum and a really bitchin' gate, but the Fedcom of Malatora will have nerds in cyborg dragon bodies. Checkmate, Citadel.

  107. PulletSurprise9:22 AM

    Beans & bouillon. (Unfortunately, bullets are inedible.)

  108. AngryWarthogBreath9:24 AM

    See, and I was thinking - just for ease of accessibility, and accepting their statement that 'nope nope nope, not thinking of resisting government or military forces at all', despite the fact that if indeed it does come to Liberalpocalypse presumably there'll be a lot of military hardware up for grabs - 'a truck full of fireworks with a brick on the accelerator, tada'.

    But then I realised the actual brilliance of their defensive plan. You may or may not have heard MC Frontalot's "Secrets from the Future", in which he argues (through rap, naturally) that no crypto will be secure against the codebreaking devices people will come up with in the future, but it's okay, because in the future, no one will care about your secrets.

    Due to the earlier stated issues of "not enough land for people" and "who's doing the farming again?", and the people who'll actually be in the compound, they may truly have made a completely unbreakable fortress. You see, the moment one starts thinking of ways to invade Citadel Winghalla, one's mind inevitably turns to "wait... why break the wall? The wall keeps starving, crazy wingnuts in! If we break the wall, more chance that they'll come out!"

    It's a truly psychological defence, so powerful it borders on psychic, ensuring that the only entrants will be the psychotic. And that is, after all, who they're advertising to.

  109. montag29:27 AM

    Yeah, subtract all that from their thousand acres and their living space would be the footprint of a jail cell and 50,000 ft. tall. I think the oxygen generators for the people in the top 4000 floors would probably be the deal-breaker. Not to mention the stairs....

  110. AngryWarthogBreath9:28 AM

    It's like their "town planner" is someone who's played the Civilization games a lot.

    Plainly not well.

    I mean, sure, when I play Civilisation, I tend to end up with exactly one city that hasn't been taken over, in which I try to build everything.

    I also tend to lose.

  111. BigHank539:28 AM

    Not being content with playing Civilization in real life, I see they want to up the stakes on Hot or Not?, too.

  112. PulletSurprise9:31 AM

    They even have a Facebook page.

  113. BigHank539:32 AM

    I'm guessing they're referring to the John Parker from Lexington, Massachusetts, and the start of the American Revolution. Pity. If they'll promise to put up a statue of the Black Lectroid, too, I'll chip in.

  114. PulletSurprise9:44 AM

    What, no IIICemetery? I suppose they have eternal life fantasies as well.

  115. montag210:06 AM

    Nor do I see any plans against air strikes. Do they really think that with the country in chaos, the military is just going to disband? Because, you know that if there's utter disaster going on outside their walls, and a plane flies over, somebody, somewhere in there is going to shoot at it....

    Oh, yes, indeed, the plot thickens.

  116. Yes, because the ultimate hedge against a modern armed force is a walled city. Welcome to the 11th century!

  117. PulletSurprise10:18 AM

    They're not thinking of everyone getting out, they're thinking of people flooding in, as a single exit is also a single entrance. (Then again, Hillsborough, amirite?)

  118. The irony is that this "society" could only really work if it was collectivist. At the very least, an internal economy would require central planning and control. Don't picture a commune, picture a commune with firepower.

  119. montag210:26 AM

    I am trying to visualize Shakers with bazookas, but the only thing that comes to mind with "a commune with firepower" is the IDF....

  120. M. Krebs10:38 AM

    Huntin' 'n' fishin'! Farmin' is for sissies.

  121. Mr. Wonderful10:51 AM

    Jeez, it's 7:48 am on Wed. and already there are 118 comments.

    Anyway: as the New Yorker might put it, Right-Wing Rants We Never Finished Reading:

    "Patriots understand that an epic storm is coming to America."

  122. Having poked around that site a bit, I'm convinced that the Citadel is not intended to be a bulwark against the collapse of society. Aside from the ridiculous indefensible castle itself, you've got the claims of ongoing Internet and cable service, the plans to attract major chain stores like Cabela's, numerous references to tourism...this isn't a fortress, it's a resort town. It's Cabo San Lucas for the Kalashnikov set.

  123. I just typed "Where can I buy plague rats?" into the Google search bar. Google says she'll get back to me ...

  124. RogerAiles11:13 AM

    "Seven: Every child attending Citadel schools, with parental discretion for maturity, shall have as part of every class semester a basic marksmanship and safety firearms curriculum (with attendance/training of/by the parent if so desired) leading to the proficiency test on the child's 13th birthday as a 'Coming of Age' moment."

    Or "War Mitzvah."

  125. Mr. Wonderful11:20 AM

    Like Galt's Gulch, in other words.

  126. redoubt11:20 AM

    "Little Dolly Whitedream, Pride of Idaho. . ."

  127. XeckyGilchrist11:21 AM

    I agree - this is a con with a little bit of Survivalist frosting slopped over it.

    Not only has Corporate America been exploiting these yayhoos, we have an entire major political party dedicated to it these days.

  128. redoubt11:21 AM

    Big Klavern

  129. XeckyGilchrist11:22 AM

    Yup, and there's nothing so effective for getting the loyalty of your society's newest member as booting their parents into a wolf pack.

  130. Ellis Weiner11:22 AM

    "open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our
    planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or
    hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and
    fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will

    Lat year I published a parody of Atlas Shrugged (http://tinyurl.com/3du9ldh) which purports to be the "secret sequel" to the original. It's set ten years after Galt's triumph. I asked myself, "What would Galt's Gulch be like ten years later?" and decided it would have degenerated into Colonial Williamsburg, with guided tours, faithfully-preserved original dwellings, professional actors impersonating all your favorite historical heroes from the glorious time, a conference center, etc.

    As usual, the wingnuts are one step ahead of me.

  131. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard11:44 AM

    In other words, HayPal.

  132. Halloween_Jack11:46 AM

    There's a Robert McCammon book, Swan Song, that's basically his version of The Stand only with nukes instead of the super flu, in which there's a survivalist bunker in a mountain that people buy time shares in; the idea is that, if the missiles fly while you happen to be there, you luck out and sucks to be the family that was there last week. (As it turns out, the place is built so shoddily that it's about the worst place to be aside from anywhere hit by a direct strike, as its financial backers never planned for it to fulfill its intended use.)

  133. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard11:47 AM

    >a bastion of Jefferson's Rightful Liberty
    More like Jefferson Davis' Whiteful Liberty.

  134. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard11:51 AM

    Silly, that would be a waste of "food".

  135. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard12:02 PM

    The fact that the Kenyan Usurper won New Hampshire looms over the Citadel like a cloud... a black cloud.

  136. BigHank5312:06 PM

    Except the Kalashnikov set doesn't indulge in tourism. That spare $2000 is just what one needs for a generator, backup assault rifle, lift kit and tires for the pickup truck, or maybe that bulk discount on MREs.

  137. UnholyMoses12:12 PM

    ♫ It's springtime
    For supremacists
    in Idaho .. ♫

  138. John D.12:13 PM

    Some years ago, I read a news story about a white trash couple who'd gotten violent in an argument over the tv series Married With Children. The husband thought Kelly Bundy was the more attractive of the two women on the show, while the wife thought that honor went to Peg Bundy. They resolved their differences - and I swear I am not making this up - when the wife smashed a bottle and used the broken end to slash at hubby's groin area.

    I don't know why that incident came to mind just now...

  139. Mad Monk12:16 PM

    Do we accept their children and tell the parents to walk back toward
    Hell? I have no intention of sharing my bread with a stupid Liberal who
    is dying because of his/her stupidity.

    Ah ha. They're going with the Lord of the Flies version of Jesus.

  140. The American right-wing is a grifter's wet dream, isn't it? They'll happily fork over their money to just about anyone except the government.

  141. Jay B.12:31 PM

    You know, it's funny. Liberals have these things already. They are called cities.

  142. Another Kiwi12:36 PM

    I take this to mean monkey bar tenders serving their home made beers "Now with extra ergots" since they won't be able to pay real folks on account of not having any money and being starving.

  143. Formerly_Nom_De_Plume12:40 PM

    Oh great, can you imagine all the Farmville requests?

  144. Jon Hendry12:49 PM

    They might want to consider starting small. Perhaps by squatting at a Cabela's.

  145. Jon Hendry1:07 PM

    That's *agricultural training*, liberal scum. You'll wish you were so foresighted.

  146. Gromet1:08 PM

    They're building all that stuff? That's a lot of central planning for a libertarian haven...

  147. Gromet1:10 PM

    Civilization was ruined the minute it invented agriculture. Also known as Civilization's First Minute.

  148. Gromet1:13 PM

    Team Kelly!

  149. PulletSurprise1:22 PM

    This is, of course, presuming that they can maintain Internet access once they've made the transition from On-Grid to Off-Grid.

    Kerodin to CenturyLink rep: "EDGE access sucks! What do you mean there's not any 4G LTE available? Is rural Idaho no longer part of AMERICA?"

  150. Gromet1:24 PM

    There's some fun at the page where they're chipping in ideas for the Coat of Arms. In the comments: "I'm casting a 'no' vote for including lady liberty in the design, as the
    Statue of Liberty was a gift from France..." Plus a couple other reasons.

    Oddly, the statue is NOT rejected on grounds that it is the antithesis of the Citadel, as a symbol of welcome. But I suppose when you spend all your time ruggedly prepping to preserve America, you don't have a lot of time left over to understand America.

    "Let's get that 'No Huddled Masses' sign centered, boys. Nope, a little more to the right! There."

  151. Another Kiwi1:26 PM

    Jersey Shore with guns

  152. A reference that will be lost on some of our younger readers, but brilliant nevertheless.

  153. Yeah, but do those liberal cities have walls? You pinkos are gonna be so screwed when the Golden Horde shows up.

  154. sharculese1:51 PM

    I swear I liked this comment earlier, but Disqus disagrees, and I'm not going to complain about the pleasure of feeling that I liked it twice.

  155. sharculese2:05 PM

    These people are decades past considering the possibility that society
    won't collapse. The only thing that sustains them now is fantasizing about the optimal position to reap the bounty of 'I told you so"s they feel is their due.

    also, too:

    "the libertarian version of "Send Ten Dollars and Know the Secrets of the Universe!""

    per Rick Perlstein- this already is the libertarian version of that:

    [I]n an intersection that is utterly crucial, this same theology of fear is how a certain sort of commercial appeal—a snake-oil-selling one—works as well. This is where the retail political lying practiced by Romney links up with the universe in which 23-cent miracle cures exist (absent the hero’sintervention) just out of reach, thanks to the conspiracy of some powerful cabal—a cabal that, wouldn’t you know it in these late-model hustles, perfectly resembles the ur-villain of the conservative mind: liberals.

    In this respect, it’s not really useful, or possible, to specify a break point where the money game ends and the ideological one begins. They are two facets of the same coin—where the con selling 23-cent miracle cures for heart disease inches inexorably into the one selling miniscule marginal tax rates as the miracle cure for the nation itself.


  156. sharculese2:07 PM

    Community Armory? The Citadel is coming for your guns.

  157. smut clyde2:18 PM

    "Assimilation" in the Philip Dick "active assimilation" sense?

  158. smut clyde2:19 PM

    what manner of person sees the collapse of society as a good thing?
    There's M. Bouffant...

  159. Shouldn't these be underground and controlled by Overseers and then remain locked safely until their water chip malfunctions?

  160. sharculese2:31 PM

    Already the Great Khan was leafing through his atlas, over the maps of the cities that menace in nightmares and maledictions: New York, Detroit, Chicago, San Francisco.
    He said: 'It is all useless, if the last landing-place is the muslim marxist atheist homosexual union thuggery hellhole, and it is there that, with black helicopters, Obummer is forcing us.'
    And Polo said: 'The inferno of the Living is not something that will be; if there is one, it is what is already here, and we are all Allen West now. There are two ways to escape suffering it. The first is easy for many: accept the inferno and become such a part of it that you gay marry a welfare mom. The second is bitchin' and totally Wolverines: hole up in a fort in the woods and take pot shots at the libs.'

  161. MikeJake2:33 PM

    What is it about wingnuts that make them such a ripe market for grifters? That III Arms company is selling what essentially amounts to prettified versions of the AR-15 and 1911, both commonly available firearms, but at huge markups. For twice the retail, you get inspirational quotes engraved right on the receiver. What a deal!

  162. Goes along with "We hate Big Gubbermint!"

    (Except for when it's spying on everyone without warrants, or controlling lady parts. Because those things are For Freedom™!!)

  163. sharculese2:35 PM

    We'll have guns and sports and fireworks and a tree fort and we'll stay up all night eating pizza and playing Halo because YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, MOM!

  164. Roy T.2:54 PM

    Is there room for the double-wide?

  165. Another Kiwi2:56 PM

    Also, a helipad? WTF. They are going to steal some Apaches?

  166. I wonder if the Citadel will have a Maple Street.

  167. My favorite part is how their plan is detailed enough to specify a gun museum and shootin' range, but vague to the point of hand waving when it comes to basic infrastructure. Water, sewage, electricity, roads--all that will all take care of itself once you build the gun museum. It's wingnut stone soup!

  168. And I am not that deep in my knowledge of fortified city urban planning.

    Opporknockity is at your door!

  169. I'm sure there's a furry subtext.

  170. Wonkette has a story on this, and quotes the agreement people are supposed to sign: "Preamble: We the People come together in this covenant of our free
    will and do pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor to
    defend one another and Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty..."

    Wait ... pledge our lives and fortunes? Socialists.

  171. ADHDJ4:55 PM

    All you need to know to be a libertarian plumber: shit flows uphill and payday is on Never, because fiat currency isn't real money.

    Yeah, the magical thinking regarding civil engineering is what I find most bizzare about these going Galt fantasies, especially since engineers tend to skew heavily libertarian.

    Don't they ever consider how a power grid, plumbing system, road system, etc. designed and built by a former hedge fund manager or CEO would work? Effing bizarre.

  172. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard5:06 PM

    It'll have a maple stock street.

  173. BigHank535:17 PM

    Not too many civil engineers are libertarians. Mechanical and electrical engineers, though. Oh boy.

  174. Howlin Wolfe5:26 PM

    Needs a 2nd verse before the bridge, but that's just me. Fine, fine thing, worthy of Weird Al or Alan Sherman.

  175. If you get involved now, you can help them design their coat of arms.

    Ooh ooh ooh! Gules (Red State Gules, mind, none of your commie Gules here) in saltire proper an M-16 Argent and a Penis Or. Motto: Per ardua ad asshole.

  176. How does that work, exactly, if the civil war is between liberals and conservatives? Do you think liberals would really send their kids to the enemy for safekeeping?

  177. PulletSurprise5:42 PM

    But... underground shelter! They thought of that!

    (They do mention the construction of a biomass plant, but no word as to where it will be sited amongst the barracks, not to mention a steady and reliable source of fuel... I don't know if I should even mention the environmental impact assessment and regulatory compliance that this would require.)

  178. You've been cracking me up all morning.

  179. Big_Bad_Bald_Bastard5:46 PM

    The real question is, how do we get the Gathering of Juggalos to descend upon The Citadel?

  180. I wish to take this comment out to the steppes and have my way with it.

  181. PulletSurprise5:57 PM

    Two words: Free Faygo.

  182. AGoodQuestion6:18 PM

    Somehow, even when describing their plans for the collapse of society they manage to slip into marketing-speak.

    For good reason. That's the product they're selling.

  183. satch6:30 PM

    Oooh, brave. Except there's this thing in the fine print called the John Galt Exception: "I pledge by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine." By which I presume that Galt meant: "When the starving librul hordes come swarming over the wall brandishing fondue forks and broken chardonnay bottles, you're on your own, suckers!"

  184. I want to Master this comment's Blaster, IYKWIMAITYD.

  185. Maybe they'll go Bartertown and run it on pigs.

  186. If they go the Bartertown route, they just feed the corpses to the pigs.

  187. Kill the leaders and zombify the followers: assimilation

  188. This looks to be turning into some sort of Mad Max/Deadwood mash-up, yes?

  189. I'll stand a ways back, holding the horses' reins and...just watch.

  190. aimai8:31 PM

    Consider the Lilies...and crush them underfoot.

  191. sharculese10:41 PM

    The hubris of the free state project so perfectly defines libertarians.

    'what you mean new hampshire doesn't appreciate a bunch of outsiders showing up and telling us how to run things? but we have ideeeaassss!?!'

  192. Another Kiwi11:51 PM

    Well pigs for everyday items, chickens for medical services

  193. DocAmazing12:15 AM

    A biomass plant is perfect. They'll have an endless supply of bullshit.

  194. DocAmazing12:27 AM

    Bo Gritz on Line Two about royalties...

  195. smut clyde12:33 AM

    I rate for Italo Calvino.

  196. billcinsd3:30 AM


  197. Late one dark night we sever the communication lines leading into the citadel, and connect our own servers to them. From these servers we bring the inmates news of the apocalypse; yes, it's Der Tag, society has burst asunder and they're rioting in the streets! We illustrate this on what we pass off as foxnews.com with YouTube clips from horror and adventure movies. Sure the residences may still have access to radio and teevee broadcast news, but we tell them that they can't trust the MSM, who are lying their liberal/gay/Jewish heads off to pacify the sheeple in the areas not already devasted by anarchy. Next we broadcast news of a terrible plague to keep them bottled up for a while (YouTube videos of clips from zombie movies) until they deplete their hoards of canned goods.

    Meanwhile the panicked idiots are, you know, getting hungry, because it doesn't really work out when all your agricultural implements are firearms and you've only got 0.05 acres per resident. At this point our agent starts showing up at the gate with a horse-drawn cart piled with produce (which we buy at the supermarket twenty miles down the road - remember to take the price tags off!) and starts selling it - but no, fiat currency is worthless! we start _bartering_ it for their hoarded gold (at a profit margin of 900%). Another cart shows up with a few dusty cases of Jack Daniels - "Better get it now, you'll never get no more of this, Mister, the Commies burnt the distillery down!"

  198. MikeJ8:47 AM

    I demand a statue of John Bigboote.