Sunday, November 25, 2012

NEW VOICE COLUMN UP, about the miserable rightblogger Thanksgiving. Couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of guys.

Among the outtakes: National Review's sour holiday symposium, named, believe it or not, "Gratitude, Even in November 2012." Among the authors' reflections: "This year’s unsettling election results disturb the souls of most with whom I keep company"; "'Happy Thanksgiving — not that it is very happy,' I grumbled earlier today on my morning coffee run to the only other person I know to be a registered Republican in my Northwest Washington neighborhood," and other such bitchery. Special credit to Michael Novak, who writes, "experience shows that Providence, in failing to grant our prayers, normally has wiser things in mind. In a way, our present loss may be a reprieve for the Party of Liberty, such that it does not have to inherit the damage that is surely coming down on this nation during the next four years... Sometimes nations need chastisement before they get the point." It's always clarifying when one of these assholes prays for God to smite America so that they'll do what he wants.


  1. redoubt12:12 AM

    experience shows that Providence, in failing to grant our prayers,
    normally has wiser things in mind. In a way, our present loss may be a
    reprieve for the Party of Liberty

    Drawn from experience as a lapsed Evangelical: Sometimes "Providence" answers prayers, and the answer is "no."

    Also, Novak should refrain from reading Milton on a full stomach in future.

  2. Something makes me think that the family experience of most of them has taught them that punishment is the surest correlate of (at least nominal) love.

  3. Halloween_Jack12:50 AM

    Is the Nominally Non-Virgin Ben Shapiro really closely parsing the president's Thanksgiving proclamations for the severity of God-bothering? Doesn't he realize that this man is, in all likelihood, never going to run for public office again, or is Ben just running on autopilot, or is he desperately trying to work up some outrage in the hopes that he'll be one of the last let go from I mean, we know beyond the shadow of a doubt that these people live in their own little echo chamber, but how many people even knew that there was a Thanksgiving proclamation, or could possibly be bothered to look it up? It's less interesting than the question (by the Sun-Times blogger) as to whether the POTUS is growing a mustache. (I think that it would be a mistake, although I think that he might consider a salt-and-pepper goatee once he retires.)

    Well, at least he can be thankful that the true spirit of Black Friday shines through, as noted here and here.

  4. AGoodQuestion12:51 AM

    Dear Mr. Shapiro,

    I appreciate the effort and enthusiasm that you and your talent agency have put into promoting my career over the past few years. In the light of recent events, however, I have decided to seek new representation. Please know that this isn't personal.

    Yours truly,

  5. DocAmazing12:52 AM

    These charmers remind me that "family" is the preferred nomenclature for Mafia organizations and groups headed by Charles Manson.

  6. Jesus, conservatives, just shut up and eat your turkey.

  7. J Neo Marvin1:50 AM

    In the immortal words of Ian Mackaye, "Boo fuckin' hoo."

  8. It's always clarifying when one of these assholes prays for God to smite America so that they'll do what he wants.

    Yeah, American conservatism in general is pretty much Starve-the-Beast writ large. Create a huge mess, dole out favors to your buds, and then blame those damn libruls for it all. (In this case, the black guy.) As Al Franken often quipped, conservatives claim that government doesn't work, and then set out to prove it.

  9. hells littlest angel5:14 AM

    Sounds like morale will be pretty low for this year's campaign in the War On Christmas! I smell victory at hand.

  10. Pope Zebbidie XIII6:39 AM

    Mitt Romney: Unemployed and rejected by 60% of the women in the US but still blaming everybody else. A perfect symbol for conservatism.

  11. Doghouse Riley6:44 AM

    Darleen Click of Protein Wisdom claimed to be "pretty happy that my immediate family is pretty cohesive in our political outlook, and I look forward to sitting with my dad while the two of us try to outdo each other in mocking the intellectually-bereft Left."

    Is the transcript available yet?

  12. Mr. Novak must not be aware that Providence went Democrat, as did the rest of the state. "Wiser things" indeed.

  13. That's because the bulk of the GOP still doesn't see "wimmins" as people with opinions outside of the strongest male influence in their lives--ergo, it must be the GOP didn't fool enough mud men to have their lady-folk vote the GOP ticket.


  14. ...and young voters, who also don't have opinions of their own.

    GOP authoritarian thinking means they can only conceive of appealing to all the "authorities" down the ladder to keep their wimmin, youngsters, and coloreds in line.

  15. My Dinner with Bubba would be a riveting night of entertainment, no doubt.

  16. satch7:23 AM

    So Walter Russell Meade highlights a Royal Navy pensioner's unhappiness with his children's "copulation decisions at key turning points in their lives" as... what?... some kind of conservative metaphor? Like their penchant for fucking the same chickens over and over?

  17. satch7:25 AM

    Yeah... who doesn't love mushroom and chestnut stuffed bald eagle? Mine was delicious, thank you for asking...

  18. MikeJ7:46 AM

    All this talk of asking Providence made me think of mafia, too.

  19. MikeJ7:49 AM

    I was happy to read that the pardoned turkeys now go to Mt. Vernon. They used to send them to a state park in Virginia, out by Dulles. Frying Pan Park.

  20. Dear Rightbloggers and God-botherers: Have you considered the possibility that God's just not that into you?

    Also, reading Novak's piece made me imagine him wearing a gimp outfit while a leather-SS-uniform-clad Ann Coulter steps on his nuts to administer "chastisement". Where's the BRAIN BLEACH?

  21. The last Hail Mary they've got is hoping they can work up enough general resentment over the next couple years to win a supermajority in the Senate in 2014 with the power of True Conservative thought, then impeach Obama for grand insouciance and blackness with intent to rule.

  22. aimai8:34 AM

    I knew I could count on Roy for my thanksgiving complement of "gibbered," "howled," "wailed" and probably a few befuddled and snarled. Now everything I need for my shadenfest is complete.


  23. aimai8:58 AM

    This is so true that I would like to ask this comment's father for its hand in marriage.

  24. Party Of Liberty - Party Of Treason

    (POL POT)


  25. M. Krebs10:07 AM

    Salt-and-pepper goatee? Why wait? And he should start wearing sunglasses and a pork-pie hat, too.

  26. Halloween_Jack10:14 AM

    Well, good luck to them on that--gerrymandering doesn't work on the state level, and I suspect that a lot of the Spirit of '10 has dissipated with the realization that the people that were elected spent little time elbowing into place at the public trough.

  27. tigrismus10:16 AM

    experience shows that Providence, in failing to grant our prayers, normally has wiser things in mind.

    Whachoo talking about? My prayers got answered just fine.

  28. DocAmazing10:31 AM

    Thanks, I've already had gibbered gravy over everything.

  29. These poor schmucks are going to spend the next 4 years standing forlornly along Main Street curbsides across America waiting for the Parade of Horribles that never comes.

  30. But you haven't had MY gibbered gravy.

  31. "experience shows that Providence, in failing to grant our prayers, normally has wiser things in mind."

    Like not being a stupid freedom-hating assmunch? Like not clasping to your collective bosom the rich vulture capitalist psychopath whom you still considered a polytheistic cultist until he ran away with the GOP nomination? Like not making the pursuit of temporal power the be-all and end-all of your putative Christianity? Whoops, I forgot: He's just so busy setting things up for total Republican victory in 2016. My bad.

    "Sometimes nations need chastisement before they get the point."

    As Franklin Graham has recently suggested, perhaps an economic collapse would work. You know, like the one that preceded the 2008 election. Oh, wait, that won't do. How about ... a natural disaster, like a hurricane? No? Well, I know Abraham Lincoln was an evil tyrant, but maybe he was on to something about that whole "God on our side" business, because you Talibornagain anal fistulae turned out in even larger numbers than 2008 ... and you still lost. I'm with Matt Jones: Maybe God's just not that into you.

  32. Nah. Fred Clark the Slacktivist, among others, recently highlighted Focus on the Family's 2008 dire warnings of life in 2012 if the godless far-left fundamentalist Muslim Negro were elected, and it's rancid total bullshit that would embarrass even Robert W. Welch, Jr. You think it made them miss a beat this time around? They declare their liberties to be on the verge of dissolution no matter what's going on in reality.

    (My own parents were hysterical enough to abandon decades of loathing for Mormonism, because of all the freedoms we've already lost. I have yet to get them to name any freedom they personally lost since January 2009.)

  33. BigHank5312:03 PM

    ...another phrase to add to list of things I am never, ever going to google.

  34. wileywitch1:11 PM

    The GOP: Fucking the big-titted chickens since 1993.

  35. JennOfArk1:35 PM

    We do a "what I'm thankful for" recitation at the beginning of our dinner on Thanksgiving. This year I went first, and the first thing on my list, which everyone helped finish by joining in, was "I'm thankful I'll never have to call Mitt Romney president."
    As much as I've been enjoying the schadenfreude, though, I have found some pity for the reg'lar folks who've been suckered into the GOP con. The day after the election, one of my vendors was whining on the phone about how "we might not be ALIVE 4 years from now!" I said, yeah, but that's always true, and if you get hit by a semi tomorrow on the freeway, it won't be because of the outcome of the election, and also, you're alive now, you have a job and have had one these past 4 years, and the sky still isn't falling. A couple of days after that, I was helping some textbook reps at an exhibit, and another woman they had hired, from nutbar-conservative NW Arkansas, started shooting her mouth off about how the federal government is running our lives. I looked at her like she was crazy and said, "about the only contact I have with the federal government is when I go to the post office, so I can't imagine what you mean." She said something about taxes, to which I replied that people in all civilized countries pay them, and that mine are lower now than they were 5 years ago. Her retort was "just you wait though, you'll see!" I said I hadn't really seen much of a change in the level of government involvement in my life in the past 4 years so I wasn't anticipating that it would suddenly change, but OK, we'll see. Then finally, a customer about a week after the election was talking about how depressed she was; I just responded that hey, the last few years have been tough economically, but you're doing ok, you have your job, you have enough that you just bought a brand new truck, and you'll get through the next few years just fine. She responded by saying she hadn't been able to watch the news, "not even FOX!," since the election. I said, I don't watch ANY of them, because ALL of them are in the business of making tiny little things into crises, and that if you don't bother with watching that stuff, it's a lot easier to trust the reality you're living day-to-day (in other, less polite, words, get some fucking PERSPECTIVE; who you gonna believe, FOX News or your own lyin' reality?) She said, you know you're right, I probably shouldn't even watch that stuff.
    Something about white people in Arkansas makes them automatically assume that if you're also a white person in Arkansas, you voted against Black Hitler, so they're free to start spouting off. I decided it was easier to not engage w/r/t my political preferences, but to just gently remind them that they need to get some fucking perspective on things and stop taking Fox and Rush Limbaugh's word for how woefully bad off they are. Because they aren't.

  36. I think you're right. They'll perceive unspeakable horrors that lie beyond the senses of the rest of the world because those horrors sustain their miserable lives. Without anything to fear, they will expire.

  37. Fats Durston2:07 PM

    Sometimes nations need chastisement before they get the point.

    So they're saying God subscribes to the Ledeen Doctrine and the US is a crappy little country?

  38. smut clyde2:23 PM

    It's all very old-testamenty. The next step is conquest by the Assyrians and exile in Egypt, or possibly Babylon.

  39. smut clyde2:25 PM

    unspeakable horrors that lie beyond the senses of the rest of the world

    Just too high-pitched to hear.

  40. Pope Zebbidie XIII2:26 PM

    HP Lovecraft doing political analysis

  41. Guestington P. Guest2:37 PM

    That is SO hot. Who's been a naughty country?

  42. Nothing scares them more than not being afraid.

  43. tigrismus2:41 PM

    Bill O'R'lyeh?

  44. Guestington P. Guest2:42 PM

    "Intellectual Conservative" John Harris: "justice has been raped over and over before our eyes, the rule of rule lies in shreds..."
    OK, the Rule of Rule isn't doing so well, but on the other hand, I hear the Duke of Earl is doin' just fine.

  45. GregMc3:13 PM

    TL. DR. Surely the shorter is along the lines of "Obama is in your base, killin' yer doodz (because Antichrist)" and "You can't get good servants these days (because Antichrist)"!

    These people, with their bellyachin'! You need to find someone to pay you to read them, Roy.

  46. Jimcima3:49 PM

    No, Obama should grow a porn 'stache.

    This would not be an error and must happen at once.

  47. I spent Thanksgiving with my Repub in-laws, I expected a lot of bitching and whining but politics weren't mentioned.

  48. J Neo Marvin4:26 PM

    I think he should shave his head and grow a goatee. This is in keeping with the sound advice: "Less Tuvok, more Sisko."

  49. Walter Russell Mead
    treated his holiday readers to a long letter in which a pissed-off
    father yells at his adult children for their "series of poor 'copulation
    driven' decisions at key turning points in their lives" and other

    Is anyone else skeeved out by the involvement of a parent in a child's sexual life?

  50. Jay B.7:06 PM

    "Thanksgiving should be a day of shame, and a day of new resolution. We have squandered what God has given us, and as of this moment most of us continue to evade the unpleasant reality that burns our eyes even through their closed lids."

    Christ Mary, get a grip. These assholes do pathos even worse than preening.

  51. Another Kiwi7:11 PM

    Is he talking about Providence, RI? Maybe he asked the library to get new books and they said "No colouring-in books"

  52. Perhaps they were merely telling their reactionary dumbshit dad to fuck off already, and he misunderstood.

  53. That's their gig: smug, phony martyrdom. Preenos? Patheening? Being a willfully stupid asshole with a ginned-up persecution complex?

  54. Spaghetti Lee7:56 PM

    So God has effectively 'friendzoned' the religious right? I can live with that.

  55. AGoodQuestion9:55 PM

    Hence the Festivus airing of grievances that would make Frank Costanza's jaw drop.

  56. VileWhig10:50 PM

    A goatee when he retires? Nah, the President ought to grow a Dizzy Gillespie 'soul patch' now. Roberts would be so flustered he'd fumble the oath again at the inauguration.

  57. montag22:18 AM

    There's some first-class whining going on, no doubt about it. But, John Harris gets a gold star and a couple of Reagan stickers on his report card for that bit of insanity. That's some over-the-top apocalyptic ranting there.

    I'm kinda glad, though, that all these wingnut bloggers felt that their Thanksgiving was ruined by the election. It tells me what truly shallow little fuckers they all are.

  58. Julia Grey12:19 PM

    although I think that he might consider a salt-and-pepper goatee once he retires.

    No, too Cornel West-y.